Episode 10: Motherhood&Parenting

Rozhovor s Britkou Kirsty, která se živí jako pre/post fatální poradkyně, ač je původní profesí matematička a žije se svým mužem ve Stockholmu, kde vychovávají tři syny. O všem, co s sebou mateřství přináší, jak se dívá na to, že ve Skandinávii běžně chodí muži na otcovskou a jak se vyrovnat se všemi nástrahy rodičovství.

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Motherhood, Parenting, and Personal Transformation

Speaker 1 0:07

Welcome to the English-speaking group with Kudrunat Holko . My name is Pavlina and every week I will talk to my parents from all over the English-speaking world about various interesting topics . I would also like to mention one thing If you really want to practice and improve your English , on my page on patreonpatrioncom you will find a complete list of the following conversations , with meanings , phrases and everything else that is worth knowing . And that's all from me at the beginning . Thank you very much for watching this channel and we can start . I'm super excited to have you here , and today we will be discussing a very personal topic for both of us , I would say and that is the topic of motherhood and parenting . And well before we even start , I have to say that you work with mums on a daily basis because you are a fitness coach , you are a health trainer and also a pre and post-natal specialist specializing in helping mothers . So how would you describe what you do ?

Speaker 2 1:38

Oh gosh , it's just so many elements . I trained to be a personal trainer and then I realized it was never about just the fitness , there was always something more . So that's when I decided to go into the health coaching so I could help people on an emotional level and on a nutritional level as well . So it's kind of a I'd like to think of it as a bit of a transformation . When you become a mum , we do everything and we work together to define the life that you want , that you want to lead and you feel really happy with as well .

Speaker 1 2:06

I mean , that's actually how we met , because I attended one of your fitness classes that you had here , like mum and baby classes here in Stockholm , and it was absolutely amazing .

Speaker 2 2:16

Oh , and I'm so happy that you came , so thank you so much for coming along as well , and so what does it mean for you to be a mum ?

Speaker 2 2:24

Oh gosh , that's a big question To be a mum . It's really . It's been a really interesting experience from because we felt it was a surprise when we felt pregnant , living in the Middle East , and then we had to quickly run away and get married , because you can't be in the Middle East and be pregnant , so it all happened so quickly and then since then I've just found it like it's been a bit of a calling . It's been just so comfortable and natural to be a mum . So it's changed my life surprisingly , but for really for the positive . I could see myself having like 10 children , but my husband is a friend .

Speaker 1 2:59

Oh no , so we have to say so you are British , then your husband is Swedish , but you lived in the Middle East before , and now you live in Stockholm .

Speaker 2 3:08

Yes , so now we're staying here in Stockholm .

Speaker 1 3:10

Okay , yeah , that's wow , what a journey . Yes , yes , also , you have a degree in mathematics , right , I do so . That just sounds like a very unexpected , crazy twist to what you do now .

Speaker 2 3:27

So what was the reason and doing ?

Speaker 1 3:28

all of this .

Speaker 2 3:32

Well , I've always loved maths and I love numbers , so that's always been a bit of a geeky side of me . But when I was in the Middle East , I'd been teaching for about eight years and I'd really I was ready for something else . I was ready for a new challenge , and that's when I started the personal training and that's when I realized as well it wasn't just about fitness . There's always people want to lose , you know , a few stone and it's like well , why do you want to lose two stone and what's behind that reason ? And it was kind of tapping into people as well . So I found that when I was seeing clients , it was always just such a bigger picture .

Speaker 2 4:02

And then when I found found out I was pregnant with Hugo , I was like this is it ? There has to be a change here , because there was so much unbalance in my life . I mean , I was training 12 , 15 hours a week for triathlon and I was weighing my food and I was getting up at 3am To go for a run and I was so . I was so miserable by by living that life and I was like I can't , I can't do this anymore . I don't want to be growing this baby and still be doing all these things that don't make me happy . So I really had to step back and tune into me and and just find a new way , and this is this is where it's got me . So I feel really happy with yeah , with where I am . It was a big jump , but I feel really happy with it .

Speaker 1 4:40

Yeah , I mean , it's amazing and we have to say that . You say that you were waking up at 3am , but now you have two crazy active . When did you wake up these days ?

Speaker 2 4:53

Honestly , I thought all of those years of training had put me in good stead for waking up with vagus , but no , no , they still wake up at crazy times and I'm like I can't sleep .

Speaker 1 5:02

Yeah , this is for me is the hardest thing of it all .

Speaker 2 5:06

Yeah , the lack of sleep , because you don't put yourself to bed when they go to bed at like seven because you want some u-time , so by the time you go to bed you get about four hours of sleep . It's not enough .

Speaker 1 5:18

No , no . And what is the best thing for you about being a mom ?

Speaker 2 5:24

Oh , I love the cuddles . The cuddles are amazing and just when they say like mama or mommy , and they come and hold your hand , or that for me , is just you feel like a real purpose . They do all the years that you spend doing things and you don't know if they're happy , or you know they giggle from time to time , but when they do something that that is so meaningful and it kind of reminds me of keep plowing through , this is really . It's really good . You have an impact on their life , so , yeah , yeah , it's crazy , but it's worth it .

Speaker 2 5:55

Yeah , yeah it is . It's exhausting , but it's definitely worth it .

Speaker 1 5:59

And what's the hardest thing for you about being a mom ?

Speaker 2 6:02

Do you know , right now , because we have the little one and the bigger one . So one's just turned one in 15 , 16 months and the other one's three . It's the behavior for us right now , because they're at completely different stages and so it's trying to give everyone what they need and kind of help them to be good people as well . You know , like the toddler throwing his fork and knife off the table . It's how do I deal with this ? Because now the baby's got my coffee . So that's the real struggle for me right now is the balance and behavior .

Speaker 1 6:29

Yeah , of course . And do you like to read a lot about stuff or do you just kind of wing it ?

Speaker 2 6:35

Oh , I wing it , I think . When I was pregnant , everyone recommends all these books and I was like right . So I bought all of these books and I was reading them and I was thinking , but I can't do that . And then , when the tantrum started , I started reading up about that and I just thought that's just not the way I want to parent , and so I had to . I gave them all the way , actually all these books . It's the same with things like sleep training . You can read books and books about sleep training , but at the end of the day , your baby there isn't a book written for your baby . So I kind of I just wing it and survive the day and make sure everyone's happy .

Speaker 1 7:09

I have one book that I was given here in the hospital in Stockholm when our son was born , and that's probably the only book .

Speaker 2 7:16

I opened .

Speaker 1 7:18

And you wing it as well . I do wing it , 100% , absolutely . And for example , what you said about sleep training , for me it's . I know there are all these like methods and stuff , but I just knew we had to do it our way and we never actually did any sort of sleep training and he now sleeps like very well sometimes . Sometimes he doesn't , but I'm just like he's a baby . Of course he's not going to be perfect all the time .

Speaker 2 7:42

So that's right , and I think there's two , there's two massive like camps with the sleep training in general . But I think for me it was always if they're crying in the night , they want something , and if they just want a cuddle , well , I'm okay with that , because in five , six years time they're not going to be waking up in the night for a cuddle .

Speaker 1 7:57

So that was the choice I made , and so yeah , yeah , I think we also have to enjoy the time when they still want to cuddle , like , yeah , boys as well . So , if you're a mother , go away , tony , embarrass me , get off . Also , like you know , as moms , like we are certainly being judged all the time by others , and then we judge ourselves pretty much all the time . So what is your recipe if you have one ? To just like , live your own life your way , just forget about all of that and , just you know , be happy about what you do .

Speaker 2 8:37

It's hard , isn't it ? Because I think sometimes when we're coming off the back of little sleep , we're exhausted . I think that's when the little voices can creep in and we can let the negativity come in and affect us . So I think it's really important to always feel Happy and confident with whatever decision you're making , in your parents . In like , I'm just gonna go back to sleep because that's what we talked about . People have got people will talk to you endlessly about that , and I think you have to just tune in and go . But this makes me happy , makes my family happy , I feel really confident with my choice . So I'm just gonna carry on and really try and shut them out . But I think if you're unsure about something that you're , a decision that you're making , I think that can also be a time when these little voices , all these little comments , can come in . So I think just really staying grounded and true to you , I think is really important . Social media as well , I think , is such a has a lot to play , yeah , of course .

Speaker 1 9:24

I just wanted to ask , like , how to cope with you know all of that .

Speaker 2 9:28

Yeah , I have to have a word with myself . Not long ago , actually , and I and the decision I made was if , if something is not inspiring me , then I'm gonna run follow and I'm just gonna cut it out because I don't need . I have such high expectations on myself as a parent , I don't need someone else is creeping in as well . And so I tried to change and change my mindset around it as well . I think I worked hard on that and you know , if one's going to live their life and if they want to post pictures and it looks perfect , then that's , then that's great for them and I'm really happy for them . But but if it doesn't inspire me or make me feel good about myself , I'm just not gonna look and that's the decision that I make . So I can definitely advise against that .

Speaker 1 10:09

Absolutely , and I do love how you put it , that you had a word with yourself . Yeah , I'm a word myself . We all need that from time to time , I suppose .

Speaker 2 10:19

Yeah , and like I said , that when you're exhausted as well , it's so hard to to be . You know it's great and you know that make it , you know make it much harder because you're so tired . So I think just really staying true to you , I think is really important .

Speaker 1 10:34

Absolutely . And what has changed for you since becoming a mom ? I become a lot more patient .

Speaker 2 10:40

I don't think I had a lot of patients before , because life was so busy , I had all of these things to do and I had to get them all done . But now You're forced to take five minutes to put a pair of shoes on or , you know , wait until they are ready to get in the bath , and you know . So it's really happened to just become mellow . So I've mellowed a lot and become a bit more patient , and so it's become a mom .

Speaker 1 11:03

Yeah , I mean I did find out that I am probably a patient person and I do think yeah , because now I kind of feel like only if I'm tired I do get frustrated , but the rest of the stuff usually I'm usually so calm that it like even surprises me .

Speaker 1 11:24

Yeah and well , as we said , we both live in Sweden right at this point , but you come from the UK and , yeah , what would you say is like the biggest difference about raising a kid at home , at your home or in the UK ? I mean , I guess Sweden is your home now , or yeah , we then and UK .

Speaker 2 11:43

It's the . It's the maternity leave , I think is a huge thing because you get this this year pretty much in Sweden , where you know you can be , often you can be financially supported and I think that's amazing when , as in England , that it isn't as long , as I don't actually know how long it is , but it's not . You can obviously get unpaid leave , but it's not supported . So I think just having that stress Taking away from you to just you've had a baby now , just enjoy being a mom , you know , just be with your , be with your child every day , I think is such a gift . I think it's and that's the huge difference between UK

Parental Leave and Raising Bilingual Children

Speaker 2 12:15

and here . For me , raising a child , yeah , I think when I was working in the least my , my old boss , she came back after I think it was five or six weeks to work , which was I just really felt for her because she had to . You know she had to pump . Yeah , yeah , five or six weeks it was she had to pump so baby was in five weeks .

Speaker 1 12:33

Oh yeah , when she went back to work .

Speaker 2 12:35

Oh wow , yeah , and I think in . I think it's six weeks in the Middle East and then you can apply for an extra hundred days Unpaid .

Speaker 1 12:42

So it's very it's a lot tighter there than it was here , so when we found out we were pregnant , that was a real certain let's go , yeah yeah , yeah , and also now that you mentioned the maternity leave here in Sweden , it's very common here to for fathers to take over at some point , so , and I think it's not very common in the UK , or is it no ?

Speaker 2 13:08

it's definitely not common in the UK . I don't think it's done . I think my husband was working for a UK company and he was entitled to two weeks unpaid , but we just couldn't get it . We kept applying for it but they kept saying no , it didn't work , Whereas I know here you can't be denied . So it's very , very different .

Speaker 1 13:24

Yeah , absolutely . And also like because my friend who is also a dead and he lives here in Sweden but he was just about to go on paternity leave and he was saying that he was trying to look online and just find debts , youtubers or just like some tips for men , but he couldn't find anything and he was saying it was super frustrating because there are so many like moms , bloggers , moms YouTubers , tips for moms , and he was like I want to raise my kid as a debt .

Speaker 1 13:56

Have you ever thought of that ? Would you know ? If any , maybe good source for debts .

Speaker 2 14:01

So interesting . I'd never really thought about it until you mentioned then about information for dads , because I think it is very is kind of traditional for the mom to take the majority of the time off . I mean , she's given birth and she's feeding and everything . So I think that's why I do work with dads . So I've had a couple of moms who's worked with me one-on-one and said , oh , I really like you , my husband , I think he could do with this or this , and so I do work with men as well . But I haven't thought about publishing material or like blogs or anything . But if you can find out from your friend what he'd like to see , then I can definitely write some blogs for him and that's been no problem . But a kiss , I'd never . Yeah , yeah , you , yeah . Ask him what he wants , what he needs . What does a dad need ?

Speaker 1 14:42

Yeah , even just I don't know . Yeah , it's interesting , yeah , would be great . One thing I wanted to ask is that you , as we said , you're English , your husband Swedish . So do you speak English with the boys and he does ? He speaks Swedish , or how do you do it ?

Speaker 2 14:58

That's exactly how we do it . We're very firm with only I only speak English to them and Anders only speaks Swedish , and then they go to a Swedish school , so they have more Swedish . So what we're trialing at the moment is one day on a weekend , we all speak English and we explain to the three year old you know , we're speaking mummy's language today , because you're half English and and so he's picking up more English keywords , which I think is super important and did he start ?

Speaker 1 15:23

when he started like to talk ? Was it in English or Swedish ?

Speaker 2 15:28

Oh , it's still a massive mix . He counts in Swedish and English , so he'll count from one to 10 and it'll be a bit of English , a bit of Swedish numbers and I'm like oh , here you go . So yeah , it's gonna happen one day when he will split it , but at the moment it's a bit of a mess . But we understand .

Speaker 1 15:45

And I mean it's so amazing for them , it's such a massive gift that you're able to give them .

Speaker 2 15:55

Yeah , what do you do ?

Speaker 1 15:55

at home . Do you do the same ? We do speak Czech at home only , and I mean because we're both Czech , so it wouldn't really make sense for us to do it any other way .

Speaker 1 16:06

And then he goes to Swedish preschool , so he doesn't really talk yet , but we do think he definitely understands Czech , because everything we say , like he knows what to do , and I do think that he understands Swedish now , which is yeah , but like it's funny for me because my Swedish is still , you know , on a beginner level . So when I see him at preschool and the teacher says something to him and he does it , I'm like wow , yeah , and then he talks in this , like yeah , he talks in this like really his own language , which is not Czech , and I don't think it's Swedish .

Speaker 1 16:41

So , we're just waiting for something I don't know , something to come out that we would get .

Speaker 2 16:47

Do you know ? That's another thing as well that gets a lot of criticism from people is how many words does your child say and what are they saying now , and all these things . And that really annoys me because I think you know they're all going to talk whenever they're ready , and I think putting that pressure on the moms for the children to speak is hard as well , because I felt , really I found that really tough recently because , hugo , it is what it is . So so , yeah , I think that's another one of those things where we have to . Just it's an individual basis .

Speaker 1 17:18

Yeah , I agree . Also , like for anyone interested , I 100% recommend following Kirsty on Instagram at Got Vitality . Thank you , Thank you so much . And while you also post many , many delicious yet very healthy recipes and you have a sweet tooth and I do too so what's your favorite recipe you can share with us for a good snack ?

Speaker 2 17:39

Yeah , I love a raw chocolate bark which I made with coconut oil and cacao powder and it just lives in the well , starts in the freezer , then lives in the fridge and that's just always there as a tip bit . But I also like I like the raw balls as well . I like to add a little bit of maple syrup in those because I think they can taste a little bit too dry . But yeah , chocolate bark and raw balls are real , real favorites

Gratitude and Appreciation for Motherhood Support

Speaker 2 18:00

.

Speaker 1 18:00

Yeah , I mean , that sounds amazing and well , thank you so much for being here with us today .

Speaker 2 18:07

No , it's pleasure , and hopefully I'll see you in some mum and baby classes soon when you're Absolutely , yeah , no .

Speaker 1 18:13

thank you so much for everything that you do . You help mothers to overcome the craziness of it all .

Speaker 2 18:18

Oh , thank you . I'm so glad that it really is making a difference . That's exactly what I'm set to do , so perfect . Thanks so much for chatting today and asking me on .

Speaker 1 18:27

This has been really nice and thank you to everyone who's listened to this episode as well , and I hope to see you next week . Bye .