Stop Shrinking: The Conversation Every Woman Needs to Hear

What does reinvention really look like in midlife?

In this powerful episode of Casa De Confidence, Julie sits down with Amy Stone for an honest conversation about midlife reinvention, confidence, visibility, identity shifts, and stepping into leadership without abandoning who you’ve been.

This episode explores:

• Reinvention after 40
• Confidence building for women leaders
• Navigating personal growth and career transitions
• Visibility mindset and overcoming self-doubt
•  Confidence for women entrepreneurs 
• Emotional intelligence in leadership
•  Visibility and authority 
• Courage, identity, and next-level expansion

Amy shares insights about what it takes to evolve without shrinking, how to step into your voice, and why showing up before you feel ready is often the bravest move you can make.

If you are a woman entrepreneur, executive, coach, or creative navigating growth in midlife, this conversation will resonate deeply.

Because confidence isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice.

Transcript

0:01

Welcome to Casa De Confidence, a podcast for you. You'll hear some incredible women. And some awesome cool dudes. Going confidently in the direction of their dreams and living in the purpose of their heart. You're our host, Julie DeLuca Collins and you are our sidekick. Hashtag handsome, hot husband. And the producer of the show. That I am. I am an author, speaker, coach, dreamer. And most of all, we help people go in the direction of their dreams and support them on their purpose. So pull up a chair, grab a drink, and make yourself at home because our Casa is your Casa. Welcome back to another episode of Casa De Confidence. I'm your host, Julie DeLuca Collins. And I'm Dan. That's it? That's it. That's all I got. Aren't you the resident tech guy, producer, and occasional voice or reason? Occasional? Constant voice or reason? No, never. I wouldn't say that. What about me is not reasonable? I don't know. I didn't say you weren't reasonable. I said occasional. You have like these good ideas. You're not in the brilliant sound like I am all the time. Oh, that's true. Sometimes I have bad brain days. Sometimes. It's the snow. The snow is making me crazy. Yeah. It's making you mean. Oh, well, you know, I don't mean to be mean, but I'm just like, you don't mean to be mean, but you're good at it. Wow. What the hell? Oh, we are in love and we love each other. Listen, we were hardly at ease today. We got a lot done. Dan finished tiling the bathroom. We ripped up floor and we are once again at the standstill. Yeah, because we're about to have a snowstorm and truly all of a sudden doesn't want to be without a toilet downstairs. I'm like, the next step is I got to remove the toilet. So we can put the flooring down. Yeah. So see what I mean? Occasional voice, the reason the voice, the reason wouldn't say, hey, we need to be without a toilet in the middle of a snowstorm. And the three of us are going to be in a hole. There's a toilet upstairs. Uh-huh. And well, I'm one of us, not us, but one of us in this household tends to use the facilities more than others. Okay. Right. And I just don't want us to be in a bind. I'll just go outside. I'm a dude. Good luck to you. You and the dog. Just don't just tell the dogs. Just don't eat that yellow snow. Oh my God, Dan, this this conversation is going off the rails. That's a song from back in the day. I think it was from the Dr. Demento show on the radio. I'm pretty sure it was. Don't go off the rails. No, just don't eat that yellow snow. You know, it was a song. I have to say, Dr. Demento was annoying to me and now we're dating ourselves. And I know about Dr. Demento because I have two friends who were good friends in high school. We hung out with, and these two dudes, my God, do they freaking love Dr. Demento? They used to sing. I'm not even going to talk about it because it annoys me. Well, you know who got to start from Dr. Demento. Okay. Hold on. I think I can answer this question and you're going to be like, Oh my God, I love you so much. Ready? Yeah. Al, I'm good. What is his name? Weird Al. Weird Al. Weird Al. Yeah. With some association there. I think Dr. Demento realized his brilliance. Realized his brilliance. Weird Al still going. Oh, more power to him. Do you know one of the things that makes him keep going? What? He's consistent to his brand. He is consistent to his brand. You're right. And I think that that's the one thing, right? Like I'm not saying we don't change because we do, we can change, we can become better, but at the end of the day, we have to stay consistent with our values, who we are, and what we do in a way that it's so true to us that even though when we change and we evolve, we just become better rather than, not that I'm saying that Al is better because I mean, I'm not a connoisseur. Hey, it's Mr. Weird Al. Oh, sorry. It's not just Al. Sam, I'm, I've been good for him, right? I mean, it's not my kind of music and I don't want to yuck somebody else's yum. He sings all kinds of music though. So it is. Do you like Madonna? He's your guy. I know, but I don't like it when he sings it. Oh my gosh. Do you like Coolio? He's your guy. God bless America. He even did Nirvana. He's your guy. Oh my God. Well, you know why he's not my guy? He's yet to do Jimmy Buffett. How do you know he hasn't? I'm just saying. So, you know, so anyway, Julie, where we are hunkering down, getting ready for this blizzard in New England. It should be snowing. It's funny. I was listening to the weather guy and he goes, please forgive me for this. But I got a question from listener saying, when do you think this is going to start? And he goes, six, seven. No, I'm really sorry about it, but it is starting between six PM and seven PM in Connecticut. And yeah, but, you know, it's, it's funny. Um, we're talking about weird out because I just realized what our episode is about. Really? Yeah. You just realized. Well, no, I mean, I know I had a great conversation with Amy Stone. First of all, I met her through another great podcaster, Julie, who has been here on the show, Julie, Marty Pearson, and Amy Stone and I spoke about reinvention. And the one thing out of the conversation that really stuck out to me. And again, here, here, we're talking about it with wear out is reinvention works as long as you stay true to yourself. Isn't that so? Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Anyhow, I really believe that there's so much power right in the reinvention and it's going to require us to be uncomfortable. It's going to require us to, um, change from the person that of our, the version of ourselves who we've outgrown, but ultimately we stay the same because our values don't change. Do you think, I mean, do your values change maybe? Do your values change? I think it can change as you evolve in life. I should ask Chad GPT that. Yeah. Can your values change? I think so. Because people can grow and evolve and change. I've known some people that have done a complete value change in their life, you know, and become better of it. Or some people go the other way. You know, not judging, not judging a person. I'm just saying it's a, it's a thing that can change. But as a whole, you are who you are. Like, sorry, I don't mean you're predestined to be one thing your entire life, but most people, you know, no matter what they do, where they go, you have your core and you are you. Yeah. And I don't know where I'm going with this. Well, you know, in this episode, we really unpack what reinvention looks like and how to navigate these identity shifts. And I think that, you know, the one thing that I can say is that I've reinvented myself so many different times. And although I have evolved, the things that are important to me, kindness, empathy, community continue to be important to me. It just, it's at a different level. It's sort of like unpacking, no, peeling the onion. And I think that that's the one thing that sometimes we think we can't change because we're so stuck with looking at our mistakes and not focusing on the way that we have evolved in a better way. You know? Speaking of evolution, you know, I went to the salt cave yesterday. I went to salt myself. You assaulted yourself? No, salt myself. Well, not that I get salt poured on me, but you know, if you've never been to the salt cave, it's really refreshing. First of all, why? Because someone like me who has asthma, and then all of a sudden sits in this iodine or salt cave, I felt myself breathe so much better after. And it really was so good. And the other part that was good. What was that? I went with the girlfriends and we had a nice lunch and it was a blast. It was a blast. By the way, there was not that much snow in that part of Connecticut. Well down by the shore, the snow kind of goes away faster. It was lovely though. We should live by the shore. I immediately, when I got to the shore, Dan. Well, I'm sure you walk on the beach right now and you freeze your bahunkas off. Yes. But when I got to the beach, when I got to the, it was like I could feel myself even before I went to the salt cave, breathe like, Oh, so nice to see. Because it got sunny. There wasn't that much snow and it's immediately like it was a refreshing thing to my brain. So, but I think we're going to have snow until April. Happy birthday to me. Wow. I can't even speak. According to the grand hog. Yes. I almost said it. We are going to be full of snow for a long time. You know, it was warming up last week and the snow was melting down and I'm like, Oh, finally we're through this. And here we go. Let me tell you what though. What? Yeah. I was going to say I'm not complaining, but I actually am. But you know what? I chose, we chose to live in the snowy area. You know what? We chose to live in a state that prioritizes kindness to others and creates programs that help the community in those in need. So I am okay with the snow. All right. And by the way, just in case you forgot, I just need to remind you, you have 63 more days till my birthday. Oh, so we're the stress of man out. Why would that be stressful? You should be thinking, well, how can I celebrate my wife? Well, that means there's only like 30 some odd days until your birthday month. And that's when it actually starts. No, no, no, no, no, you are. First of all, my birthday month begins in April 1st, April first April fools. Day is the kickoff to your birthday month. Oh, I should start celebrating April fools. I should find a really, you know, interesting way to celebrate that day. Oh, well I'll celebrate April fools for you. All right, Julie. Yes. Daniel Collins. Let me tell you, I can't wait for people to hear this interview with Amy. Um, she is such a phenomenal woman and I love the work that she does. And you know, it's a powerful episode because she is honest and we talk about visibility in addition to the identity shifts and that identity and how it helps us in our leadership and how we can do all of this without abandoning, right? Who we have been. And there's so much thing that so much the bright that when we turned 40 especially, we begin to kind of think like, Oh, who am I in? Am I doing enough? Am I the person who I meant to be? And yes, it means that we have to have just the courage to see where we've been and the excitement to build that identity and to go to the next level and expansion. Cool. Anyway, that's all I have for you today. All right. All right. Well, um, thank you for everything, Daniel, and your hard work. And thank you for your help today. You do. You did a lot to help me out over there in the bathroom. I peeled like a little bit of floor stuff, but I was on the floor like a starfish trying to do things. And, and you were able to bring me tools and take them away. And I was there too on the floor. It made it very efficient for me. Anything you are on the floor too. We ripped the vanity out. That was, there is no sink. So there is no sink anymore, but yeah, there will be, there will be it's a beautiful sink sitting in our kitchen right now. That's right. So anyway, all right. I hope everyone has an incredible week. Yep. And stay safe. If you're getting a lot of snow and check in with us. And we're jealous of you if you live in a warmer climate. And don't forget that if you are around on Mondays at 11 AM Eastern time, you can always join us for confident you co-working come and get your week started in the right way. There's some phenomenal women and listen, sometimes you just need accountability. You just need someone to hang with you and everyone that comes says that they get a lot done. And assuming we have power, Julie, yes. How can they come to the co-op? They can come to the co-op by going to go confidently coaching.com. And there is a link there that takes you to the co-op. I mean, not the co-op, the, the co-working. And if that link just went into one ear and rattled around your brain and left, just go to the show notes, go to the show notes or check out Instagram. It's so many call to action. Oh Lord. Okay. All right. So I guess it's time to get on to our interview with Julie in Amy Stone. Welcome back to another episode of Casa De confidence. What if nothing is wrong with you? After all, my friends, we have been taught that to fear the in between seasons of life. And if nothing is exactly wrong or who we are, what's going on, we start to catastrophize that there's going to be some sort of failure. But my guest today, Amy Stone is flipping the script on what it means to be a thriving adult in a constantly shifting world. She is a seven time Iron Man finisher, sourdough baker, mom, stepmom, coach, and the creator of the art of imperfect adulting a movement and podcasts. It champions those quietly navigating the messy, beautiful middle of life. So today we're talking about the overlooked transitions, the ones that warmed us about it and the radical idea that maybe just maybe we're being the people who are a work in progress. And that's exactly the point, right? We are works in progress. So welcome to the show, Amy. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me, Julie. I'm excited about it. Yeah. Another Miami person. We were just chatting about Miami and my old stomping grounds and I, I've enjoyed getting to know you and just chatting so much lately that it's been great. And I know I'm going to have a great cup of coffee or something when I visit Miami next. You betcha. Yeah. Now you talk about the in between moments and the transitions that aren't big and flashy, but deeply personal felt. Why do you think these moments are so hard for people to name, let alone navigate? That's I think a big question for sure. I think there's definitely a piece of it that we are, we start out our lives thinking that there is a set path that we're supposed to follow. And so there's a variety of things that we, we have an instruction book. It's like, we're going to go to school. We're going to do the best we can. We're going to get a job. We're going to get promoted. We're going to get a paycheck. We're going to take vacations. We're going to have a relationship. Maybe we're going to make a family. We're going to get a house. We're going to do all of those things. We're going to retire, which seems almost like it's going to imaginary. Yeah, it's an imaginary thing now. Um, and then, you know, and the implant implication is that if you follow those set of instructions, that happiness and fulfillment just comes along the way. And the experience of what we have that actually happens to us, doesn't kind of match up with what we thought would happen. And when, and there's a million different ways that can happen, small ways and big ways in life. But just like when you go to a restaurant and you order a Caesar salad and it comes and it has like strawberries in it or something. And you're like, wow, what, why is this what I, this is not what I expected. Right. This is not what I expected. That sort of like unsettled, um, feeling of confusion. If you have that same sort of experience in a bunch of different things in your life at the same time and all over that it doesn't feel great. And it's very easy for people to turn the lens in on ourselves and think that the reason it doesn't feel good, the reason I'm unhappy with this salad is because I must have made a mistake ordering it. I must have read the menu wrong. I must have told the waitress the wrong thing. Right. And you know, we talk about a salad, no big deal, send it back, get a replacement. But when you're talking about the things that are foundational for life, we're, many, many people are running around thinking, I must have done this wrong because clearly everybody is having a better experience than me. And so those are some of the things that I think happen to us. And, uh, and I think that life moves fast is the other thing. And so you're in the, when you're in the middle of doing something like, you know, living, uh, running your life, keeping your job, there's not a whole lot of extra time to, you know, sit down and figure out like, well, whose fault is it that I don't love all of this stuff? Right. You know, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. You know, I, I have fought my whole life to be in the moment because it's become very easy when I, when this, when that right in living in the expectation of my life is going to be better when has really been one of these burdens that I've carried because it takes my eyes away from the beauty of what's happening right now. And I've learned that it's not always going to be how you expected it to be. And if you just enjoy the moment now, when you get to the thing, right, you're not going to be disappointed. You're actually going to be enjoying that moment in, in that something that again continues to be part of the work that I do for myself. But I think that you have said that the work that you're doing in your, your community is not a self help. It's a collective wisdom. What is the difference between advice and wisdom? And why does that distinction matter in adulting? So I think it matters kind of a lot because one of the things that I have grown to believe is almost a myth, even though that's kind of a strong word about it. But this idea that somebody else out there should be telling us how to live our lives, that there is an expert with a title and a degree in an office that will answer the questions and fix the problems for you, can take us down a path that is not helpful, right? Just is not helpful. Now, that's not to say that that's not always the solution when you have strep throat, you have to go to the doctor and get the prescription so that you can get, that's the way that works, right? There's, I'm all for experts and I really respect people who have advanced degrees, but there's the other side of it, which is that the wisdom of having somebody in a community, like some community that is varied and mixed that has a breadth of experience and people can really pay off because, and I'll give you, I'll use your if, like not now I'm going to wait. The idea of deferring joy be until later, right? Is one of those things that is sometimes very true. You know, it takes six months to train for an Ironman. It's a great feeling to finish it. Right? On the other hand, if you've been planning a trip to the Grand Canyon for 20 years of your life, and you're putting it off because you think you want an upgrade for the flight or such and such is going to happen to be in a room with someone who says, Hey, listen, you might want to do that while you're 50 and not when you're 65 because it's a tough walk. That's right. 100%. So collective wisdom of, you know, like, this is, this is, this is how I did it. This is how so-and-so, and so I used a vacation example. It can be anything standing in a room, in a coffee shop and somebody's like, Hey, you know what? If your husband is 63, he needs to fill out this form for Medicaid. Life is complicated and we need the resources of people around us who are willing to share their experiences in a helpful and not bossy way. Because when we get advice or suggestions from experts, it's instructions. Like when you pay somebody to tell you what to do, you want to do what they tell you to do and they expect you to do what they tell you to do. And that's different from being in a collective where it's like, Hey, we're going to talk about vacations, you know, and people are like, Oh, I love to vacation in this way. And maybe you don't like to vacation that way, but that's okay. It's like, all right, great. I'm never going to do that, but I love that. I love that story. You know, this is so good that you're unpacking this as a podcaster. I tend to bring experts, but I also love to bring the individuals who have the life experience, that inner wisdom, they've been through those steps that maybe we're aspiring or dreaming of doing, but somehow, you know, something is keeping us back. And I'm hoping that through the combination, right? Obviously we want to have best practices, but we also want to hear the stories and know that it's possible for us. Cause sometimes we think, Oh, you know, that person has it all together. And because they have it all together, I don't identify with that. But I know that that's an epidemic when I was in corporate, I want to raise my hand. I was the person that you saw from the outside, had it all together. Uh, but on the inside, there was a lot of things that I was paying that I was doing, that I was really, um, not, nobody would have known, right? What was going on in the inside? What are the hidden costs of holding it together? Yeah, the hidden costs are holding it together. Absolutely. I am hearing that a lot on my show when people are talking about things that they, they're coming forward to tell a story and many, many times, um, people are saying, you know, if you had known me, you never would have known. And so maybe it's depression. Uh, maybe it's, I was in a relationship that I was staying in the, everybody thought we were happy, looked good from the outside, but I felt lonely and isolated or it was horrible on the inside. Yeah. I think the hidden costs are there. I think the hidden costs can be a lot of things. I think that it leads to a sense of detachment to your own identity, um, because you're showing up as something that is not in alignment with who you are. And so, and, and we all have different personas, right? So like, if you work in an office, right? The person who shows up for work is not the same person who goes to happy hour. That's just the way the world works, right? And that's okay. You know, when you walk into a bank to ask for a loan, you get dressed up to do that. When your kids are, you're trying to get your kids into preschool, you get dressed up to walk into the office, right? And so that's not what we're talking about, right? But we're talking about when you just really don't feel good about the things that you're doing for, um, for a chunk of your day. And though, I think the most risky part of that is when you find yourself in a situation where you're not sure if or how to bring it back into alignment. Like do you actually have the ability to make the choices and make the changes? Do you feel trapped? And I think that those things, and that can be in a business sense, like you were saying in a job, it can be in a caregiver sense with parents or family or children. It can be in a relationship sense, like you've aged out of a relationship or you've changed. It can be in a friend group. Honestly, it can be you, you know, your social group is geared around kayaking and you've decided you never want to kayak ever again in your life, but you don't know who you'll hang out with ever again. And then you end up with really kind of a silent identity crisis. Like if, like who am, if I'm not this, or if other people think I'm this and it doesn't feel right, then who am I really? And that, that is, that is a lot to hold onto. Oh, 100%. I know that, you know, for many years, I was in this corporate environment. I love what I did. I was very good at what I did. And yet I started to shift. And all of a sudden I thought, the thought of having to put really, really high heels on and that power suit. And I, I don't mind it, but it wasn't me every day. And I wanted something different. I wanted something more, but the expectation, this is who I've been. This is the identity. This is the people who I surround myself with. This is where I gain that feedback that I'm great. Right. Cause I'm very successful in what I'm doing. That was really hard to kind of give up. And it was sort of this, um, attachment to it. Yeah. No, absolutely. It's, it's okay to give ourselves permission to say, you know what? That doesn't fit anymore. Why would we walk around with clothes that don't fit? Why do we do it with a life that doesn't fit? No, I absolutely agree. But I think that giving yourself permission can be really hard because the first 20, 25 years are alive. Those permission slips are written by other people. Um, when we, when we move from school to school, the teacher gives us a grade, they move us to the next stage. There are, you know, there are things that we do. We apply for the job. Somebody gives us the promotion. And the first time you're in a spot where you're like, well, do I get to make this decision? Like, is it actually up to me? Sometimes it's not obvious, um, at all. Um, and so, yeah, exactly. And then, and you know, hopefully you get to make the choice by yourself. Cause the other thing that does happen, which maybe is more common. I don't have any data or any statistic is that, is that you're forced into it. So, you know, something, there's an accident, something happens. Your partner comes home and says they want to divorce. Somebody gets sick, somebody dies, you lose your job. And then your back is against the wall. And then you, then you have the addition. I was like, this is urgent. This is urgent. This is a problem. And then it's a whole lot more stress. It is a whole lot more stress because we, we are now being reactive as opposed to being proactive. Uh, speaking of being proactive, um, you finished seven iron women. I will, I'm going to call them iron women. Cause I think that's, you can, people don't, it doesn't go through yet. Like, I mean, I use it as the man for human, like it's like the iron, but call it whatever you want. Like, cause it is a, out of the hot topic in the, in the, in the, in the, right. It is a hot topic. I actually have a client that's done several of them as well, but you talk openly about the nonlinear, uh, in perfect path of personal growth. And, you know, I not, I have not done an iron man, iron woman. I've done a very easy sprint triathlon, but I know that my path to training for that was not linear. I know that, um, you know, there was a lot of back and forth and push and pull, um, certainly very proud that I did it. But I think that there's a lot of parallels for life. Um, I mean, I'm always making parallels cause I did it, but, um, it doesn't always land with people who, uh, are outside. And so I'll try to sometimes use parallels from other industries if they match. And it's especially funny when I'm trying to do that with something I know nothing about. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't, but I think that we have an inclination, most people have an inclination to assume that progress is in one direction. It's just totally linear. Like I'm going to move forward and I'm going to make progress and it's going to go from there. Um, and, and we think that even though that's not really most people's experience with anything, um, with cooking dinner, with getting a job, with anything, it's more like the cha cha. It's like two steps forward, three steps back, you know, off to the side, dodge that. And so through that lens, like triathlon or running or, uh, any sort of athletic pursuit is a very, very good metaphor and similar experience because it's like you've got a finite goal. You've got a very clearly defined goal, which is to finish the race. And it's so easy to use racist as an example, because they are so clear to see the finish line. But the way you get there is going to be maybe different, right? Because the weather's going to change. You're going to have, um, in triathlon, you can have mechanical malfunctions on the bike, you know, or you fall off the bike like I did. If it's windy, you're not going to go as fast, right? Maybe cancel the swim, all of those things. And so if you hold on to that, like really, really tight idea of how something is supposed to unfold, you can set yourself up to demotivate yourself accidentally because you can feel frustration and disappointment and the progress. And I think that those things can happen also in, in life as well. And some of them are, some of them are really well researched and defined. Like we know that, um, for example, one of the most researched is when you have a child who develops an illness and like, and they find out when there are babies like Down syndrome or autism, that is something that has been heavily researched and how the parents can move through adjusting their expectations for what their life will look like as the parents. But it's also the same kind of thing. Like if you think you're going to go to work for, um, a company and work there for seven years and that company folds after two years, you have to realign and retool. What are you going to do next? And so we are giving yourself the space to hold on to the goal, whatever it is. And life goals are weird because they can just be happy and healthy and you know, so on and so forth. But loosely holding how you're going to make that happen. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What has endurance sports, what has, have you learned I guess from the long game, because endurance sports taught me about the long game about becoming and what have you learned from endurance sports? All right. So I'm going to answer this in a really funny way. So the sports that I do like, or actually I haven't done it in a long time. So like the last one was 2018 that I did, but the Ironman triathlon, those races would take me six months to prepare for and 14 to 15 hours to finish. They're very, very long races. Yeah. A couple of years ago, do you remember, um, the, there was a book that came out by Angela Duckworth and it was called grit grit. Um, okay. So I read that shortly after I finished, um, an Ironman in Boulder and the race was really, really hard for me because I am a sea level creature. And when I went to altitude, I thought I had a plan for racing, but I got very dehydrated. It was a very tough race. All of these things. And then while I was taking time off after the race, I read this book grit, which is all about doing the work and persevering and sticking to it. And I came into the kitchen and I put the book down and I was like, this is a great book. And I think that we all should be working on our grit. And my husband looked at me and he had just been through this like recovery where I'd pushed myself so far past the boundary that I ever should have been at. And he was just stunned. And he's like, are you for real right now? Like he's like, I can't believe you're even talking about this. There's no, there's no shortage of grit in your life. Like you've shown that you have grit, Amy, like you need less grit. You need to decide when you're going to quit. You need to promise me you're never going to do that again. Um, and so I, I learned a lot of things from my pursuit of endurance sport, namely that if I put my mind to it, I can almost always do it. But then the other thing is that there's always the choice, like is this the decision that I want to make? Is this worth it to me? Am I enjoying it? And is the goal worth it? I think that's also very, very important for people to know because sometimes we have to write sometimes the only way out is through and we're going to do it. But other times you're, you're going to be working really, really hard on something only to discover that it's not what you want to do anyway. So why should you know? And if there's a choice, it's like, you know what? No, I'm going to stop here and do something else. Yeah. No, absolutely. And you know, I, I love in the book, how it talks about passion isn't just about being excited or enthusiasm. It's really about endurance and people, passionate people, don't just jump ship easily, right? They're willing to stick to their goals for years, even if they keep not reaching them. And I think that this is the thing that we need to be reminded of that there isn't, you know, a one and done, or you achieve something and that's it, right? Or you don't achieve it and you can just jump off ship, right? But it's endurance, staying in that race, keep going and analyzing, you know, what am I doing? What is that grit? And how can I leverage it for my life? Yeah. Yeah. And is it, is it still worth it? Is it still a good idea? And I think that in a modern context, I think that that like, especially we're talking about in 2025, if people are listening to this in some of the time, I do really feel like we were at a point in humanity or modern times where things are rapidly changing. And so that like sort of self-examination, like, is this something that is still working becomes even more important for people. Like it's like, all right, so, you know, I've been working on this project and I really enjoy it. Does it actually make sense? Like, does it work and is it viable? And is it a good idea? And are there clients out there? And are, you know, does it, does it work is where I live, why I still want to live. You know, you grew up in Miami now, you live in a different place. Yep. We live in an amazing time where we get to make those choices. Yeah. Yeah. That's so beautiful that, you know, the, the community that you're building, the wisdom that you have. And I think that for so many of us, right, we, we have that inner wisdom community and different ways in which we're showing up in the world, but we're not finding the right place. I kind of feel it. It's that, that what do you call it? That would Goldilocks syndrome, that, okay, this doesn't fit. This doesn't fit. But sometimes we stay in the bed that is too hard or the, or the chair that, you know, it's too small. And I wonder what you can say to the person that maybe is struggling, that, that is listening to us and saying, I don't, I don't even know what the first step is. Yeah. No, I think, I think it's really interesting. I think that we are alive in a time where there's no shortage of information and you can have a conversation on video with somebody around the world at any time in the day. And in one hand, that's really wonderful. And on the other hand, and some of this is probably still a legacy from lockdown and recovering, right? It's almost harder to find community, local community and aligned community than ever has been before. And so, and that's really strange. That's a really, really strange phenomenon. And I'm seeing a lot of people working to do it. I think that the thing, the first step is like hearing yourself say it's like, Oh, you know what? I am looking for community. And then the next step is going to be, we always think that the next thing, so if you ask, right, if you ask online, if you go in there and ask chat to GPT, they're like, go volunteer and find something to do with a group, which is not a bad idea. But if you're not interested, if you would like to have community without being put into work or labor for somebody else's organization, there are some other things you can do. Maybe you don't know where you're going to enjoy. Enjoy. The thing that I think actually is helpful is to like say to somebody, start with yourself like, Oh, you know, I'd like community. And then the next time you see somebody, whether it's your kids or your husband or your mom or your neighbor, bring it up in conversation. Bring it up in conversation because then, you know, maybe they're going to invite you to something and maybe you don't want to go, or maybe they're going to say, you know, me too, or something else. But the more important part of it is that that is the action step that is going to actually connect you to other people. And that what you're really doing is you are looking for what it is. And along the line, you're going to figure out what is the type of community and relationship that you're looking for. Are you looking to join a faith group, a hobby group, a volunteer service group? Are you looking to join a running club? Are you looking to join a club of women who are all the same age learning how to, you know, any of those things. Do you want to go back to school? What are those things? But you start by asking the question and then telling other people. And it's funny how that little piece of advice works for a million different things. I'm giving that in terms of finding community. The same process works if you are looking to change your job. The same process looks if you were trying to increase your sales. Like that is, that is a set of steps that like works for a lot of different things. And I love that you said that. Absolutely. I think that, you know, for me, when I, when I moved to Connecticut, I asked my friends, Hey, where do you volunteer? What are the things that are around? And I guess for me, because I moved so many times, right? Between Miami, DC, New York, now Connecticut, right? These are the main places. I think that leveraging the people who I know there and asking and asking the question. And even when I started online, who do you know when I was writing my book? Hey, how do you know that I can interview to talk about confidence? Right. And the same thing happens where I ask whatever it is I may be looking for, whatever it is that I'm thinking of doing, there's always someone who's willing to share their experience, their wisdom. And that's how we can create support and momentum for others. And, and, and there's someone out there in this whole world that knows the one thing that we want to know. So I think that that's the thing we forget. I think so too. I will say that you coming from Miami means that you had a skill set that people in other parts of the world may not actually, other parts of the country, I'm sorry, may not actually have cause Miami has, Miami is a handshake city. It is a city that is built on, you need a guy, right? You need a guy. If you go to a park, like you go to a municipal park in Miami, there'll be a beautiful building with a bulletin board that has absolutely no announcements on it. You have to walk in and ask the person, Hey, what's happening in the park? I don't know. Like it's like, that's right. Nope. The straight winter, the swimming lessons, they're not posted. They're not posted. Yeah, nothing. You have to do it. And so that, like growing up in Miami, you would have learned that, like that's how we get things done. It's like, there's no sign saying where you do this. You're walking, where do I park? You know, how does this work? No. And I think that, you know, even the same thing, when I moved here to Connecticut, I, I didn't, oh, okay. Well, I knew maybe three women and they were all the wives of my husband's friends. Sure. And fast forward. These women had become my really good friends. I trusted them to tell me, okay, where do I go for this? Where did people do that? And, and really I was conditioned to that and not everybody understands that sometimes you can expect things to kind of be posted or in a big billboard or announced. You are going to have to step out of your comfort zone and ask. Yeah. And when you ask, you're opening yourself up to the wisdom that can come or the information or the knowledge or whatever it is that you want to call it. And there's a payoff. Like if you're nervous about doing it, if it feels uncomfortable, because we say get out of our comfort zone and things like that, I always like to help you. I'm like, yeah, the mindset I would have for this is like you are asking for extra sprinkles on your ice cream. It's like, don't think of it as you're doing something hard, but it's like, it's like, it's like, Hey, where is the secret entrance? Like where, where, you know, like, you know, give yourself credit for what you're doing. Cause the payoff is there. Yeah. My mom moved to Connecticut from Atlanta about less than a year ago. It's probably been about seven months and we belong to a different church and she wanted to join the church, but in New England is known for churches being very stoic and you know, not the, not, not kind of like when you go to Miami and you're walking in and you're like, hi, you know, you're very nice and you don't get that. And I love the communities here, but I really had to work really hard and asking, Hey, when do people meet? When are you the women getting together? Because even in their little bulletin, they didn't have any information. Oh yeah. To really like, uh, they were having something and I went and I said, Hey, tell me when do you guys get together? What about this? And, and it's interesting how we live in a world that can give us accessibility to information and give people the ability to get their message out. But we live in a world in which we're not used to that. And that's the world that we live in. And then we, we, we feel like we don't belong because we're not necessarily leveraging what's available to us. Yeah. And you can be surrounded by people and still feel this many years ago, not many years ago, but this was after lockdown, but somebody I knew had moved to a different town and they had joined a run club and they had gone to the run club once or twice a week for a year. And they were very sad because they hadn't met anybody, even though they were there. Um, because there are groups that are, that are put together where everybody's together. And sometimes there's somebody who's facilitating, Hey, talk to the person next to you, or we're going to work on this project together. There are other things where you're just in the same space. And so she was really having a hard time because she wanted to make friends. And I made this very controversial suggestion that we were talking about like, Hey, why don't you tell somebody that you'd like to meet some people in this group, like tell the organizer, tell the person standing next to you, why don't you start up a conversation? And, uh, and, and, and then she did, she laughed at herself and she was like, Oh my God. Okay, sure. Yes. I will totally do that. And now like it has expanded and all kinds of things like that. But she didn't even realize that what she was doing is waiting for somebody else to do this. And I don't even, like, I want to be very clear. You haven't done anything wrong if you're waiting for other people to do it. Like when we walk into school in kindergarten, we're not organizing our play dates, right? We learn this from the groups that we're in. Um, and so nothing has gone wrong, but you know, just, yeah, sometimes you just have to say like, hi. And I happen to be one of those people. Why do I have a podcast? Why do I do this? Cause I never shut up. I will talk to people, they're total strangers without even thinking about it. And if you're near me in a public situation, I'm going to introduce you to me and everybody around you. But that's right. There aren't as many of us around that are like that. Um, not at all. And it, and it's interesting because when I first started dating my husband, um, it, it used to not drive him crazy, but of course he's very shy. He's the other spectrum of where I am. He's come a long way. Um, but we would go somewhere and I immediately I'm talking to people and I'm, oh, I'll go to a restaurant and I'm friends with the bartender, the hostess and know all the insights. And, and that's not how a lot of people are are. So, I might drive my friend drives my kids crazy. They'll be trying to leave somewhere and I will just hear them and they're like, Oh my gosh, she's talking to somebody else. That's right. I hear that all the time from my husband and my mom now it's like, Oh God, she's talking to them again. That's, that's just, part of, of how I learned. Now, um, we were talking about the book grit and I kind of want to revisit a couple of those themes in there because this kind of ties into confidence. And I know that a lot of individuals feel, you know, and avoid failure, but failure is part of the path, right? And gritty people bounce back. Um, what are some of the setbacks that you've had that you found to be your learning opportunities? That's a really good question. Um, let me see if I can, I might have to narrow it down because there are lots. Um, listen, I got my whole list too. So yeah, cause I've gotten very comfortable over the years in try. I love to try new things and to be able to try new things I have to, for me and maybe other people are different. I had to very quickly give up the, the assumption that I was going to start as an expert. Um, and so that did turn into me being ready for the mistakes and the setbacks and the failures, um, so that I could get better. Um, there's a cartoon that I went in front of me like a long time ago and it was a dad teaching his daughter how to do something and the wife said, Oh, that's not going to go very well. And he's like, he's like, no, I think it's not going to start very well, but it's going to get better, right? It's going to get better. And it is, it is hard to do those things. So what are some of the, uh, give you some of the recent things that I did. Um, last week I was in my, we're going through a Beria taco phase in my house. And so I bought it while fork, I bought like pre-made Beria that just had to be cooked, but I did not read all of the instructions when I started and I was using the one hour timeframe for making dinner. And then I started it and it was like, let this cook for three and a half hours. And I was like, um, hmm, dinner will be late. Dinner will be late. Yeah. Um, and uh, so, you know, that's a small foible. Um, but it could, you know, that's, that's the first one that comes to mind. Um, I just, I have gotten very comfortable at resetting. And the other thing that I've gotten very good at is that I like to tell people when I'm a beginner at something. Um, so like a couple of years ago, I was, uh, took up scuba diving and I would now, when we book to do scuba places, I will just say, Hey, I'm a beginner or, Oh, coming from Miami, like when I go to someplace where there's snow, like, so I went snowboarding, um, with my son and we were in Colorado and the guy's like, Hey, you know, do you need any help? And I was like, yes, I need all of the help because I'm 50. I'm a beginner and I'm from Miami. So assume that I know nothing. No, nothing. Yeah. I am not going to be offended if you tell me even the most basic things. And he just laughed. He was like, okay, you know, you have on too many layers. And I was like, I don't believe you because I'm cold, but I'm going to take your word for it. Yeah, that's right. Uh, it's interesting that we're having this conversation, Amy, because earlier today I got up in the morning and I started to do a little bit of a yoga flow. And of course, high achiever always judging myself. So I have to catch myself doing that. And I thought, Oh, I can't believe I am. This, this is where I am. And Oh, okay. I need to start getting better. And I was just swirling in this like poo poo, my in myself for my effort. And then my husband called, I came to the office. He needed me to find this document and I'm like, Oh, okay, whatever. So I'm looking through the files. No lie. Hold on. Let's see. Was that no, I don't know. It's here somewhere. I basically found this envelope and I opened it because it said, Julie, the look at Collins. I'm like, what is this? I open it. And it's, Oh my God, I don't want to get emotional about this, but it's my certificate as a 200 hour certified yoga teacher. Oh yeah. And I, I, I thought, you know, there was a time I couldn't even bend down and I worked consistently. I failed a lot and I got there. And if I was able to do it, I may not be very fluid today and I may not be practicing every day, but I got there. And I think that sometimes it's so easy to get bogged down with what we're not doing, what we're not doing as we think we should, but we have the ability. And even if we fall off the practice, the opportunity to get there or, or even if it's a different place, there's always an opportunity to go forward, but never, you know, stay stuck. The other with physical things, sometimes that, that becomes a circle, right? So like my father-in-law is 90. He is, yeah. And he is currently, he's still really active, but he is, he is reconciling with the fact that he's, he's 90. He had some tests done and he's got some discomfort in his body, which is normal at 90 and some tests done. And the reports all started with at your advanced age, this is normal. But you know, he, he is really struggling with the emotions behind, you know, that he was, right now he wants to be able to play more pickleball than he is. And he can only go for a few minutes without discomfort. And so sometimes I call that moving the goalposts. So sometimes when we have an expectation for ourselves that really, sometimes we do need to move the goalpost. Like, you know, like is it reasonable for me to think that I'm going to run the same 5k time I ran when I was 17? No, it is not. Let me just tell you, Julie, it is not. I'm never going to see that time ever again. Um, and so with yoga, it's like, and with the physical things, I think that, and I think those are tricky. I think those are really, really hard, especially because there are these social media things out there where it's like, this guy is a hundred and he's doing 500 hours of yoga and 300 sit-ups. And he only looks like he's 25. And it's like, wow. Yeah, good for him. Right. Right. Exactly. My knees hurt. Ouch. You know, like, yeah. So I, and I think that, you know, this is so key, right? Of staying in your lane. And I often talk about in the example of when I was in my, and when I did my triathlon, I jumped into the pool and why, first of all, I'm not a strong swimmer. And when they asked us to rate ourselves, cause it was in a pool, I'm like, okay, well I'm a, I'm a six cause I didn't want to give me the five, but I thought I really, am I a six? I don't know. Maybe I'm a four. And I, and I kept going back and forth. So they lined us up and based on our, our ability around the pool and all these women are going. And when they started, the, the gun went off. The first women that jumped into the pool, they were beast. They were like, and I'm looking at them like, I'm going to drown. I, and I thought, and, and, and I was so, all of a sudden, and I don't usually get really nervous or, you know, I'm panicked. And I did. I was like, oh my gosh, I don't know if I can do this. And my girlfriend said, honey, those are the marathoners. We're not the marathoners. We're the middle of the pack. And it made me feel better. And as I jumped into the pool, you know, I had my little groove going, I'm swimming. But as soon as I started to look at the people next to me, all of a sudden I lost my, my groove. I'm like paddling and I lost my speed. And that's what happens to us in life. Every time that we're focusing on what somebody else is doing or comparing ourselves to the next person, we forget who we are. We forget our groove. We forget the momentum that we've built. And then we're not giving ourselves credit for the things that we are able to do. So that comparison can be a past version of ourselves or a dream that we think and where we should be like. So it's like, I should be further along. I had panic in a swim. I had panic in a swim in a triathlon, in a lake. And this story won't make any sense to people who haven't done it, but because it involves a conversation in the middle of a bottle, body of water. I was racing with my brother and I was really panicking out on a side stroking, whatever. And he was, he was a, he started behind me and he swam up. He's like, well, what are you doing? I was like, yeah, I don't know. I'm really struggling. I don't think I can swim. And he's just like, you are swimming. Like right now you are swimming. And I was like, Oh, he's like, yeah, you can swim. He's like, you are swimming. And he was, and I finished the rest of the swim. Just like, I can swim. I can swim. I can swim. But it's so funny that he like gave me that realignment. He's like, you actually are swimming right now. So you can answer that question for yourself. Like, can you swim? You are swimming. Yeah, you are. Sometimes we need that. We need somebody to come alongside us and do that. In your coaching work and your podcast, what themes do you see women returning to again and again, even if the circumstances look totally different? So one of them is the, uh, the secret rule book path that you're unaware of the rules you're holding yourself to without any acknowledgement of the fact that they're there, that, that shows up in so many different ways. And then the other one is the sneakiness of overwhelming burnout. Um, so like having the symptoms of something that you, you know, you're withdrawing, you're tired, you're fatigued, maybe you spend, you're going to doctors, um, you're ruling out physical causes. Maybe you, uh, I mean, it just shows up all over the place. And it turns out that what you've done is, you know, what we've done is we've put ourselves in a position where we are of service to too many things, um, and not taking care of ourselves. Um, and so those, those are things that show up a lot. And I don't think they're easy to find. I think that, I think that these, this is one of the ways that community is really needed in modern time. Community that is a safe space to say, Oh, you know, by the way, I see you're working really hard. Could you be overextended? And then you think, could I be overextended? Like, you know, like, is that the thing? Or have enough variety around you where you see people changing what they're doing. You're like, wow, why did they get to do that? And maybe I can too. So that's one of those are the two things that I see showing up a lot. Um, and then there's, you know, there are things underneath that because both of those tie down into like, you know, how do we define our identity? When do we give ourself permission to change our identity? Where does, where does, you know, self-compassion and confidence come from having the confidence and the courage to do these things is, is hard, is hard. Yeah. I agree. I agree. Um, I know that for me, Amy, my version of success has definitely changed from my twenties to my thirties to now in my fifties. And well, how has it changed for you or has it evolved? Oh yeah. Well, I'm right in the middle of a big change. Uh, I'm about to be an empty nester. Okay. My primary goal as a stepmom and as a mom has been for a long time to not ever look at a news document and see anybody in my family described as Florida man. Um, and so now that I'm about to be an empty nester, that is a joke. That is a joke, but it also is very true because we have the weirdest news headlines ever here. And you know, like, so it's, it's like, you know, never. I so raising these people being a part of the team, that was a prime, that was a goal. Everybody keep everybody alive and out of the newspaper. Um, and now I've got young adults and so that's a transition for me, but um, success in that phase of caregiving of kids was, was really, really defined in that sort of lens. Like everybody's happy, everybody's fed and I'm intentionally over the years and I did it to myself on purpose and I don't regret it, but I did prioritize the happiness of the family and the joy of the family and the people in the family very frequently above mine. And so I'm very excited to be focusing on my new project, the art of being perfect, adulting on a professional set, the joy, doing some travel where I'm not dragging, you know, small children around. Um, and the idea of not making a family dinner for everybody every single night lights me up in a way I just, I can't even, I mean, I just, I'm just so excited. Yeah, it's, it's definitely, I've seen a lot of my girlfriends go through this in the last couple of years. Some of them had become empty nesters and they, they, it was sort of like learning new steps to an old dance. Yeah. Um, because you know, things were still happening or in going on, but they had to do it differently. Like I don't have to cook for the whole family or guess what? I can plan something for myself without having to see like, where are they? Well, do they need a babysitter? I can travel outside of the school calendar. I have no idea. It's like, I feel like I've won the lottery. I'm like, I'm like, I'm going to drop this kid off at school and I'm going to go to the Grand Canyon. You know, and one of my kids was like, was like, well, I'd like to go, will you reschedule? And I was like, no, I will not. I might have to reschedule that because there's a huge fire in Arizona, but that was the plan. Yeah. But they were like, they were like, can I go? And I was like, no, you're busy and you're not invited. Yeah. They would of course be invited, but I, I like, you know, I love to spend time with my kids and the people in my family, but it's hard to only plan travel in when everybody else is traveling. And so, yeah. No, absolutely. So I have one last question for you. You mean incredibly gracious with your time. What is one imperfect truth, about you that you're proud of and that you own today? I mean, perfect truth about me, like as a person, something that I know isn't perfect about me. So this is kind of hilarious. I'll share this because I handle, you know, with the guesting and the podcasting, all of these things, I, and the big family, I handle very complicated calendars and scheduling and all of these things. The actual truth is that I'm terrible with calendaring data and I have, really? Yeah. Yeah. I haven't been since I was, since I, like I learned this when I was first in an office and I would do things, um, that had a schedule and people would, when I had a secretary and people would try and skip the secretary and come to me to make an appointment, I double booked myself. I rely so heavily on the scheduling software and Google calendar. Anytime I go in and mess that mess in that up with myself, like if we set up this appointment manually and you confirmed it 27 times and it wasn't done through a scheduler and on my Google, I'd never be here. I'd totally mess it up. I double booked myself. I do that too. So I double booked myself so many times and like, I'll just be like, wow, am I supposed to, uh, no, no. Yeah. So that is something that is really something that I am really not actually very good at. And it makes me laugh all the time because since I was 20, I've been in charge of huge travel calendars and complicated things. And when I, if you were to list it in my strengths zone, I would be like, I don't know where that goes, but it's not mine. Yeah. I, this is why when people want to be on the podcast, I'm not allowed to send them the calendar link or the intake form cause I always mess it up. And I, it's a very detailed thing. And you know what? I would like, I say, do what you do best, delegate the rest, and then you'll be fine. Uh, such a pleasure to have you here, Amy. So much fun talking to you. How do people find you? Where do they connect with you? So I'm in all the places I do my best. Um, so my name is Amy Stone. The name of my company is actually Amy says. So the name of the show and the latest project is the art of imperfect adulting. Um, very imperfectly, it has slightly different social handles in all of the places, but the website is imperfect, adulting.com, Instagram and YouTube are the places where most people connect with me. So it's imperfect to delting on YouTube and the art of imperfect, adulting on Instagram. Amazing. Well, I'm going to make sure that I'm following in you and all the places. And I can't wait to see what amazing things, uh, you continue to do in this world. You know, you have an open invitation to Casa De confidence and I can't wait to see you in person when I'm in Miami next. Yay. Thank you. Okay. Amazing. Everybody, go connect with Amy, go give her some social media currency. Tell her you loved, uh, whatever piece of this episode you love. Tell her we, we loved hearing from individuals and most importantly, if there's something that you loved, if there's something that really kind of hit home for you, I know there's someone in your life that also will benefit from hearing this. So share this episode or leave us a review so that more people can find the podcast. You will be surprised. Most of the people listening are not subscribed and we would love for you to do so. So until next time, my friends, don't forget, go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Bye, Amy. Thanks for listening to Casa to confidence. We thank you for listening. And if you want more, go to Casa to confidence pod.com. Check Julie out on her socials is Julie DeLuca Collins. And you can also check out her website at go confidently coaching.com. Have a great week and don't forget, go confidently in the direction of your dreams.