Humanergy Leadership Podcast
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For 25 years, Humanergy has helped leaders cut through the noise and take real action. This podcast delivers straight-talking insights, practical tools, and expert strategies you can actually use—right away. Whether it’s a deep-dive conversation with an experienced coach or a quick, powerful tip from the field, every episode is designed to help you lead with clarity and impact. Practical, proven, and built for real-world leadership.
Humanergy Leadership Podcast
Ep 247 "Why" Is Not a Neutral Question
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When leaders ask "why," they often get defensiveness instead of dialogue, even when that's not what they intended. In this episode, David Wheatley explores why the word "why" tends to put people on the front foot and shares a simple language shift that changes the whole tone: replacing "why" with "what's causing that?" It's a small swap, but it opens conversations that might otherwise close down.
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David Wheatley – Humanergy (00:10)
Well, welcome to this episode of the Humanergy Leadership Podcast. I'm your host, David Wheatley.
I want to talk about a conversation I've had with a few people recently. It's about the subtle difference in language between the word "why" and the phrase "what's causing that?"
A lot of people use "why" when they're exploring things. There's even a tool in manufacturing called the five whys, which comes from lean manufacturing. For years, we've replaced "why" with "what's causing that?" and "five whys" with causal mapping, and it changes the tone.
I was having a conversation with somebody recently who kept saying, "What's wrong with why?" And when they said "why," they leaned forward like this. When I asked them to change it to "what causes that?" or "what's causing that?" they sat back and became much more open.
Think about it. "Why" is great for a three-year-old. But as we get older, it can take on a bit of an aggressive feel. It's digging in, it's front-foot. When I say "what's causing that?" it tends to make things more open and curious rather than carrying that judgmental quality "why" can have.
So just try it. Instead of asking "why" about something, see what happens when you replace it with "what's causing that." Watch what happens to your tone. Watch what happens to people's responses.
I've been trying it with my three-year-old grandson. When he asks "why," I'll say, "Well, what do you think is causing that? Let's explore that." And it still changes the interaction, the same way I think you'll find it changes the interactions you have with your team.
I don't think that's the only one, either. Look at your language. Which words make you lean forward and feel more aggressive? How could you replace them with something more curious, open, and engaging?
"Why" is a good place to start. Try it, let me know, and see what other ones you come up with. Thanks.