The Balancing Act
Hello again and welcome back to the show!
Today’s episode is all about balance.
We’re going to discuss how focusing our energy on the areas that we should consider meaningful increases the consistency of our success, and happiness.
About a year ago I snoozed my alarm one too many times and was on track to be late for work. I woke my daughter and while she was taking her sweet time, I was rushing around with a toothbrush in my mouth and a hairbrush in my hand. I had 6 minutes to squeeze a 45-minute morning routine into.
No time to cook, so we headed to McDonalds. Of course, the line was wrapped around the building and I spent 15 minutes waiting for what turned out to be the wrong order. I ate a hash brown and listened to my daughter complain about cheese that didn’t melt the entire drive to school.
I eventually got to work and was greeted with a few smart comments because I was late, and a long and rough day ended with me searching for food for my daughter and I since my wife ended up covering a late shift.
How many times have you had days similar to mine? The pressure of attending to every detail of your life with little to no regard for your own needs. Do you think that you’ll ever get to open your own restaurant, or write that book, or even find true fulfillment unless you make more time for yourself?
A lot of us are programmed to focus on the things that we love, or feel is important to our survival, but we suck at prioritizing. We forget that an important ingredient in our success is attending to our needs. It’s a continual work in progress but that comes with understanding of the importance of balance in our lives. It doesn’t matter if you have all of the ingredients to bake a cake, its only successful if you add them in the right portions.
Remember that day that you ate that amazing meal, you got to spend memorable moments with your kids…. everyone was happy, clean and went to bed on time, Maybe you got some alone time with your significant other, or time to catch up on your favorite TV show or book, it literally felt like the starts were aligned right.
It wasn’t because you were just having “a good day”, but a balanced day. You got the results that you wanted from the things that mattered most.
Instead of fighting with your kids about homework, or chores, both sides had an opportunity to appreciate what they love about each other. You got to share a laugh with your spouse instead of worrying about the next bill, or something that needed repair, or just had that quiet moment you needed after problem solving and putting out fires at work.
Your mindset in a balanced state of being makes days like the one I described earlier seem trivial. The balance gives us the mental toughness to take more and give more.
On the flip side of the coin an imbalance makes room for chaos. We fall victim to that familiar pace of praying for Fridays and getting sick at the sound of Mondays. Bills to pay, food to cook, yards to clean and everything else that keeps us away from the things that you really want to do.
Don’t we deserve to be happy? For the time you stayed strong when you didn’t have the money to pay a bill, the moments you listened to problems and helped someone get through a tough time. If we have a recipe that helps us to minimize our problems and emphasize our growth, why aren’t we feeding our needs more?
Younger versions of ourselves got it. Our parents took care of our needs by shouldering our responsibilities.
No mortgage, or school fees, or other bills, but the absolute freedom to focus on the things that you love…. In my case it was a sketch pad and riding bikes I could do both for hours, but I don’t do either anymore. What are some of the things that you’ve loved and left behind?
If you put that in a literal sense, I only had two things to juggle. Most people on the planet can juggle two things right, it doesn’t require much coordination and to a certain extent it comes naturally.
Fast forward to adult hood, the responsibilities are greater, and we have the added skills of parenting, part time chef, counselor, handyman, beautician you name it.
So now we go from what comes naturally, to unfamiliar territory…. juggling multiple things.
How many people do you know that can actually juggle more than two objects? I’m not exaggerating when I say it… I literally know one person that can do it. It’s a difficult skill, it takes time and practice.
What do you do in this instance, do you try to master your tasks, or are you like most of us and drop the ones you think need the least of your time and energy? The moment we do the latter is the moment we become slave to our knowledge and success.
We place the majority of our focus on the things that will bring us the least satisfaction like our jobs, bills, and we’re content pushing the things that give us joy into the background, like our hobbies and passions.
So, if you ever wonder where that “something’s missing” feeling comes from its because something is literally missing, and no money, or material things can fill the void.
SO, here’s how I’m currently addressing it.
I took a look at three broad areas in my life….my career, my relationships, and me as a person.
Career wise I’m the guy that goes hard. I’m competitive, I love a good challenge and I’m motivated. While that’s an employer’s dream, it can be a nightmare for a family if you’re not careful.
I used to buy into the 30 mins early meant you’re on time and 30 mins after meant that you’re showing initiative.
It got praise from my superiors…. Which never puts food on the table by the way, but it challenged my family structure.
My turning point was a night that I let my ladies down. Earlier in the day I promised my daughter that we’d read a new book for bedtime, and my wife that we’d watch the sappiest movie that we could find.
That very day I took on a project that delayed me two hours. When I got home, my daughter was already asleep, and I attempted to watch the movie with my wife and woke up alone on the couch at 2 am.
The next morning, I got the smiles and the kisses, but I was disappointed in myself because I knew that I let them down.
While we’re pushing for success and blindly complying, know that no matter how good you are at anything that you can be replaced. It’s not your company’s job to care about your family (because they don’t), it’s yours.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-work…. render unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar but understand what belongs to you and only you…. your time!
In a 24-hour day we spend 6-8 hours sleeping (if we’re lucky) 8 plus hours at work, anywhere from 1-3 hours in preparation and commute which leaves us with 5 lonely hours to do the things that we really enjoy doing. And most of us for whatever reason infringe further on that.
You agreed to do X job for Y time so do it. Stand out, show initiative, be creative, just do it within the agreed upon time frames, and remember to leave WORK at WORK.
Stop bringing it home in the form of emails or stories about the people that did you wrong. Have a quick moment to vent and forget about it. You spend the majority of your day at work so if you’re unhappy, get the training you need to put a bad job in your rearview, but until then collect your check and get home to the people and things that matter most.
It goes without saying that memories made with friends and family are important to both parties.
The easiest way to achieve balance with this group is to set realistic goals and time frames.
Many of us have challenging jobs and responsibilities, and the fact of the matter is, there will be times when you have to go above and beyond.
Whatever the case may be, involve your family in your decision making. Keep them in the loop about your obligations.
Crazy shifts make for unrealistic promises…. I’m cooking this evening. Or, I’ll meet you guys out later…knowing good and well you’re too tired to do either but most of us hate letting others down.
Be upfront. Let everyone know the times you can’t do things and when you’re actually available. Give your kids clear expectations about when you will do things with them. I can’t read stories on Mondays and Wednesdays because I have to work late, but I’ll definitely sit with you Tuesdays, Thursdays, and on the weekends.
Or I can’t make wind down Wednesdays with you but let’s plan for the weekend. Everyone has that friend or family member that promises you the world but flakes out because they don’t know the first thing about balance.
Don’t be that person! Once you set, realistic and attainable goals, love and respect comes easy because you’ve offered your credibility for them to rely on.
So, what about you? The forgotten piece of the puzzle.
This may be news, but you can’t give your best unless you’re at your best. Think about that.
Our goal is to be the best parents, spouses, employees or whatever and most of us want to give what we don’t have.
If you want to be in the best position to give advice, show genuine love or be effective in a work environment you have to take the time to refuel!
Do the things that give you satisfaction whether that be enjoying a good book or writing one.
Make sure that your needs are also a priority.
When you neglect your needs it’s easy to feel unfulfilled. You become the person who does everything for everyone, and you start to resent the very people that you’re helping.
You’ll find yourself reading one less bedtime story, or being less spontaneous and romantic, even cutting corners at work because no matter how you look at it, we’re hard wired to find comfort and satisfaction.
Whether consciously or subconsciously, we’ll do whatever it takes to get that feeling because we crave the balance.
So a great way to address your needs is to put the right amount of effort into what my sister eloquently phrased your 5-9.
We train, we get educated, we put in the hours, all because we place a heavy importance of our 9-5 work…why don’t we do the same for our 5-9?
Do you have a 5-9, what do you do for fun? If you don’t, remind yourself about old hobbies or pick up a new one. Find the time to rest your mind from the breakneck pace of everything that you’re responsible for.
Incorporate exercise. Most of us are carrying the weight of our specific worlds. No matter how old you are, put together some type of regimen to get yourself moving. Give yourself one less thing to worry about in the form of health issues and take care of your body.
Taking care of you takes care of everything else. A performance vehicle can’t perform without fuel and regular maintenance.
Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
I thought to myself a while back, if we are all made in God’s image, then the best way to know God is to get to know yourself. Find time to spend alone and commune with God.
None of what we’ve discussed can come together unless we’re aligned with God’s plan.
I’m at the age where I can actually remember when we prioritized things differently as people. I realize that one of our greatest issues in life is identifying the things that are really important. We all exist in this delicate balance of doing the things that we want to do versus the things that we have to do. We wear so many different hats that we get caught up pushing ourselves into the background.
Take a close look at your life and invest more time in the things that bring you joy. Prioritize alone time, be deliberate about dating your significant other, dust off your hobbies and watch happiness and effectiveness follow.
Everything needs balance to stand upright, and just like in the physical world if you lose your balance you increase the odds of falling down literally and figuratively.
Your family, your friends, your career all of your interests require a piece of you. Keep in mind that there’s only so much to go around so divide carefully.
Our next episode is going to be about your specific role in life. Are you doing what you were born to do? If you are, how can you inspire others and if you aren’t what do we need to get you where you belong?
If you haven’t already, hit subscribe on whichever platform you’re listening on. Thanks, so much for the feedback that you’ve been giving. Tell me more about some of the topics that you’d like for me to discuss by sending me an email to nighttimenostalgia100@gmail.com
