Dress for the Weather - The Season of Frustration

I believe that just like the earth is governed by the weather of the four seasons, our lives  are played out in seasons of Frustration, Preparation, Introspection and Celebration.  
This episode touches on a few ways that I encounter, and deal with frustration, and how best to move through and beyond it.  

Transcript

Dress for the Weather

Part I – The Season of Frustration

 Hey again and welcome back to the show!  It’s been a while since we spoke, so my ladies are asleep and I’m alone with my thoughts, just wanted to catch up with you.  I took the day off yesterday and I surprised myself, I didn’t garden, I didn’t read any books, I spent the majority of the morning sitting on my couch strategizing. I really wanted to have a productive today, but the longer I sat, the more I thought about my week, and frustration set in. When I doubt, I grab the microphone, so let me get this off my chest.   

 The last time that you and I spoke, we talked about embracing the importance of our “Why”. Nothing beats the feeling of finding our unique purpose because I believe that it determines our success and fulfillment.  

 This episode we’re going to discuss some of the conditions that we’ll face on our journey to Purpose.   

If you really think about it, we all exist somewhere in-between good and bad experiences.  We’re tested, we’re stretched, but ultimately, we grow… but are there rules to the game?   

 Hear me out, while the environment is governed by Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall, similarly we’re governed by seasons of Frustration, Preparation, Introspection and Celebration. 

 Whether you came up with a silver spoon or plastic, it doesn’t make a difference, no one is exempt from these experiences.  Do you agree with me so far? 

 We’ll take a few episodes, to discuss each of these seasons, but tonight I want to focus on the season of Frustration.  

 Based on my theory, Frustration is closely related to Winter. When I’m frustrated, it’s difficult for me to be productive or focused. I’m not as active, and I spend the majority of the time wishing and hoping for another season…Sound familiar.    

 My first experience with frustration as an adult, wasn’t major at all, but it definitely started to frame my thinking. Back in college a buddy of mine asked if I wanted to hit the mall with him. My parents backed my finances then, so I got funds in-between pay periods, I should have opted out.  

 But since I’m telling you this story, you know that I went anyway. So, we pull up at the mall, I didn’t make it 500 feet past the entrance before I saw these throwback Air Force ones.  I didn’t think twice, I made the purchase times two, two different colors, walked out tiptoeing with a young dumb smile on my face.  

 So, picture this, the next day I’m walking around campus with essentially groceries on my feet when hunger hits.  In class, in the library, literally anywhere that was quiet, my stomach did this weird cry for help, sounded like an opera audition.  I call home for extra money, I think my mom chuckled because she knew we had a while before the next pay period, not sure if she even told my dad. For two weeks I must have had hundreds of conversations, but I couldn’t focus. They literally could be discussing world peace and the only words that stuck out to me were eat and ate. I’d ask people to describe their lunch just so that I could live vicariously through them.  

 My ignorance caused frustration, and in my frustration, I lived off of ramen noodles and tap water for two weeks.   

 I don’t mind telling you, a small part of me died then, because before I had my eyes opened by hunger, I thought that everyone else fell on hard times, never me.  

 When similar situations happened before and I’d always ask, “What did I do?” or “Why me?”   The answer is nothing most times, and why not me?

 It’s a crazy concept but, frustration and pain are essential to our growth. Let’s just say that tennis shoes don’t appeal to me anymore.  So, let me share some of the things that I keep in mind during my season of frustration: 

 By now, you guys know me, I love lists,  so why change now,

 1)    Past the test

 My sister shared a thought with me a while back that I still live by today.  Whenever you have all of the tools that you need to be successful, and success is still out of reach, you either missed a step or not ready for the next one.  

 You’ve gotten your degree or your training, you have great experience in your field and 50 resumes later, no bites on the line. You’re one of the nicest people that you know.  You respect everyone, you’re honest, you have a lot of love to give, but you’re not meeting the right one.  

 I still have moments where It’s difficult to wrap my mind around the concept, but even if you have what it takes, God won’t allow you to move forward unless you’ve learned what you need from your situation.  

 I used to hate High School Chemistry.  I really didn’t get it until I went to college, I always missed the mark.  If we scored below a 75% on any of the tests, we had to spend our lunch break reviewing the wrong answers.  

 I spent so many of my lunches in that lab that when I actually passed a test, I’d walk by the class to see if my teacher missed me. Truth be told, I think that I missed her, it became my norm.  But the results frustrated me, and it forced me to take an honest look at myself.  Was I doing what I needed to do to move on?     

 I was studying for about a half an hour when I should have been hitting the books for at least two.  I spent at least a half of the class doodling so I cut my doodling to about an eighth. I couldn’t cut that out altogether, too much fun.  I made more of an effort to ask questions if I didn’t understand a concept instead of playing shy.  

 Whenever I’m angry with a situation or find excuses, I ask myself the tough question, “How much of what’s holding me back is on me?”. Don’t get me wrong, there will be many instances where you are flat out just wronged, but the best way to get through frustration in this instance is to control the things that you can and take responsibility for your part.   

 We have more control over shortening our season of frustration than we realize.  Why endure pain a moment longer than you have to?  

 2)    Treat emotional Pain like Physical Pain

 Here’s why.  About a year ago I was clipping my daughter’s fingernails and when I got to her thumb, I misjudged and clipped a small piece of her skin.  She jerked her hand back, cleared her throat, and started screaming, you cut off my thumb, you cut off my thumb!  

 In reality there was a little bit of blood on the tip of her finger, and I guess that she didn’t deem the damage worthy of tears.  She walked to the medicine cabinet, asked me to help her put on a band aid and went about her day.  

 Outside of the embarrassment of her telling everyone, everywhere, that I tried to cut off her thumb, we both survived the incident.  Every day she took a look at that cut, examining it, making a mental note of how it looked that day so that she could compare it to the next.  

 She was so excited when she actually saw progress! She saw evidence of healing it and every day she was less and less concerned with the wound.  

 Until one day she was taking a bath and the band aid fell off.  It wasn’t completely healed, but it was to a point where it stopped bothering her, so she stopped wearing the band aid.  

 It was a small incident, but what a reminder that pain’s purpose is perspective.  Imagine if we could actually see the extent of disappointment or heartbreak. We’d know how much attention to give it instead of masking it or hiding from it.  

 When we get a physical wound, we assess the damage.  “Does this need a bandage, or do I need stitches?  We take the best route, and we monitor our progress. We keep our wounds away from things that could make it worse or prolong healing, and once it’s healed, we move on with confidence that all is well.

 A friend of mine had broken up with her boyfriend of 4 years and she asked me for some advice.  The first thing that I told her was to assess the damage. She looked at me and said, “What do you think this is, an insurance claim?” I was like, hear me out, “Do you think that the pain will be short lived or are you going to lose sleep over this?”  If you’re losing sleep, your bandage should definitely be prayer, talking to a close friend like you’re doing now, or even confronting the person for closure.  

 Take a break from relationships, no rebounds, no casual dating, the last thing that you need is to reopen the wound.  Gauge your progress.  When the pain lessens, and you can appreciate the relationship as a learning experience instead of the end of the world, embrace the fact that your healing, and have the confidence to take the next step.   

 When you experience difficulty getting out of bed, unhappiness, insecurity for prolonged periods of time, it’s a sign that we didn’t address our frustration correctly.  Mishandling your emotions can mirror an infected wound. Life’s too short to suffer from things in your control.  Easier said than done but, Handle your emotions deliberately.

 3)    Find the Positive in the Negative

 So, I read a Chinese proverb somewhere that applies to this section.  

A Chinese farmer gets a horse, which soon runs away. A neighbor says, "That's bad news." The farmer replies, "Good news, bad news, who can say?"

The horse comes back and brings another horse with him. Good news, you might say. 
The farmer gives the second horse to his son, who rides it, then is thrown and badly breaks his leg.

 "So sorry for your bad news," says the concerned neighbor. "Good news, bad news, who can say?" the farmer replies.

In a week or so, the emperor's men come and take every able-bodied young man to fight in a war. The farmer's son is spared.

Good news, of course.

You’re going to have horrible break-ups with people who didn’t appreciate you, but you’ll have an opportunity to improve your next relationship.

 You’re going to be held back from positions at work because of your race, age and gender, but you’ll build enough character to walk through the door that’s been opened for you.  

 Whenever the glass is half full, be thankful that you have something to drink, don’t worry about the amount that’s missing.  

 4)    Respect the Seasons

 Have you ever started your day feeling like you were going to conquer it, but the exact opposite happened? 

 I had a day once, a crisp fall day about 15 years or so ago where I woke up optimistic.  I went to the fridge to grab a bowl of cereal; the milk had expired.  No worries, I’ll put this load of clothes in the washer, pick up some breakfast and start my day.   I’m walking downstairs with a full basket, piled so high that I can barely see.  I literally make it to the floor with the washing machine and I missed the last step.   I rolled my ankle and heard a snap.  I literally felt the bone touch the ground. Clothes fell everywhere, ankle swelled like a balloon, and I spent about 10 minutes hobbling around, trying to pick everything up.  So, do I wash the clothes anyway or do I struggle to get them back up to my apartment?  

 I decide to put them in the wash.  I head to the hospital driving gingerly but dangerously with my left foot. I got checked in, waited about an hour and a half and found out that I had a torn ligament.  I leave the hospital in an air cast and got back to see that someone took my wet clothes out of the washer and put them on the side so that they could wash their clothes.  Savagery! 

 So, I put my clothes in the washer again and hobble up the stairs.  I sit down on my couch in pain, dreading the next time I’d have to move. Then I realized that the remote and the pain meds were on the counter…which at the time looked a mile away. 

 I’m contemplating whether I should writhe in pain in silence or make that move… and then my phone rings.  A friend of mine calls me up to tell me that she was out with her boyfriend celebrating her new position when he proposed to her.

 What do you think that I did?

Did I 

A.    Hang up the phone because I was jealous

B.    Give her a fake and sarcastic congratulations

C.     Shared in my friend’s happiness

 What would you do?

I was having a pretty crappy day, but the truth is, I felt genuine happiness for her.  It’s easy to care about someone when things are in your favor.  Do the same when they aren’t.  When we see other people experiencing success or enjoying the fruits of their labor, we automatically want to feel the same way.  

 But are we willing to endure the pain they felt in their season of frustration, will we sacrifice and prepare to see our plan to fruition, think about the next steps, because it’s a strong possibility that they did.  

 The last thing I ever want to do is hate on someone’s success, it best to share in their season of Celebration.

 The Season of Frustration is going to test your patience, it’s going to bruise you with physical and emotional scars, but there’s a silver lining, you can determine how long you have to struggle by staying positive, celebrating success with others and preparing for your time to celebrate.  

 Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.  

 My dad always quoted Robert Schuller by telling me, “Tough times don’t last, tough people do”. 

 Next episode we’re going to talk about the Season of Preparation. Procrastination, indecision and a lack of vision.  Dreaming about more is just the first step, what else do we have to do to push ourselves in the right direction?