Are you ready for an enlightening journey into the heart of addiction recovery? This episode features an intimate conversation with Taylor, a human who found strength in spirituality. Together, we dismantle misconceptions about spirituality, revealing how its transformative power is pivotal in the path to sobriety. Taylor's story of letting go of his ego and embracing faith will inspire you and offer fresh insights into the 12-step recovery process.
In the second part of our discussion, we delve deeper into the power of spiritual practices such as meditation and prayer and their ability to help us recognize and rectify thought patterns that may lead us astray. We discuss the concept of self-will, and how it is often a hindrance rather than a helper in recovery. Finally, we discuss the incredible support and community in the recovery journey. Join us as we explore how spirituality in recovery can help build sober individuals and better, stronger humans.
For over 50 years, Harmony Foundation has worked as a nonprofit to serve those seeking recovery from substance addictions. Our residential and intensive outpatient programs are in a collaborative and respectful treatment environment with multiple specialty tracks offering additional support. Our main campus is nestled on a 43-acre campus in the Rocky Mountains just outside of Estes Park, Colorado, that promotes physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. With one of the most robust alumni programs in the county, clients remain connected and empowered for a lifelong journey of recovery.
For more information about Harmony Foundation, please visit:
www.harmonyfoundationinc.com
Are you ready for an enlightening journey into the heart of addiction recovery? This episode features an intimate conversation with Taylor, a human who found strength in spirituality. Together, we dismantle misconceptions about spirituality, revealing how its transformative power is pivotal in the path to sobriety. Taylor's story of letting go of his ego and embracing faith will inspire you and offer fresh insights into the 12-step recovery process.
In the second part of our discussion, we delve deeper into the power of spiritual practices such as meditation and prayer and their ability to help us recognize and rectify thought patterns that may lead us astray. We discuss the concept of self-will, and how it is often a hindrance rather than a helper in recovery. Finally, we discuss the incredible support and community in the recovery journey. Join us as we explore how spirituality in recovery can help build sober individuals and better, stronger humans.
For over 50 years, Harmony Foundation has worked as a nonprofit to serve those seeking recovery from substance addictions. Our residential and intensive outpatient programs are in a collaborative and respectful treatment environment with multiple specialty tracks offering additional support. Our main campus is nestled on a 43-acre campus in the Rocky Mountains just outside of Estes Park, Colorado, that promotes physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. With one of the most robust alumni programs in the county, clients remain connected and empowered for a lifelong journey of recovery.
For more information about Harmony Foundation, please visit:
www.harmonyfoundationinc.com
Hey, hey, welcome to season two, episode 16 of Monday State of Mind, brought to you by Harmony Foundation. My name is Michael Mausel and I am your host. We are back today. You guys, I have an amazing human back with us on the podcast. Do you want to know who it is? I'm not going to tell you who it is. Who do I have back on the podcast? It's me, taylor. Taylor is back. It's good to be here. Yeah, yeah, it is, it's good to be here. Oh, episode number two with Taylor.
Speaker 1:So today, I can't stress enough how important it is that we talk about this topic, and what I really want to invite all of you as you listen to this is to remain open. Remain open as Taylor and I jump into this and get curious as different thoughts come up for you. I want you to get curious, like why am I feeling this way? Why did I get a little tingly? Maybe you got super jazzed? We expect nothing less than the circle of feelings as we dive into this.
Speaker 1:And so what is it that we're going to talk about today? We're talking about spirituality, that's right. We're talking about spirituality and the simple fact that sometimes it's really hard for people to understand. It's hard for people to grasp, it's hard for people to let go of the stories that they tell themselves about 12 step, when they come into the room feeling like they have to believe in a certain thing, that it's a cult. If I don't believe in God, then I'm going to fail.
Speaker 1:We're here to debunk all of that, because if I wasn't open and I know that Taylor will say this as he starts talking if we didn't choose to be open and willing to look at this, I don't know if I'd be here. I can speak for myself on that. The spirituality aspect of AA has changed my life and it continues to change my life on a daily basis, and it was brought to yours truly by humility. And so, taylor, I'm going to turn this over to you here. There we go. I would love for you to open up with what happened for you when it came to getting sober with AA, with spirituality. Where were you? What happened and where are you at today?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I tried to do everything my way. Did he do that?
Speaker 1:Did you listen to the last episode?
Speaker 2:he was on it was all Taylor's way or the highway yeah, it was all my way or the highway, and the highway was the highway of the hell. So I was. Whenever I took my last drink of alcohol, I was COVID was going on. Right, I was living in a bathroom at my store. The entire town was deserted and I had computer monitors set up so I could monitor town cameras looking for police while I drank in this bathroom alone and COVID was going on. So it took the entire world crumbling around me for me to really put my faith in something other than myself. My life was a shit show when I took my last drink. So I went to the hospital when I took my last drink and I was pretty close to death and I had no family there, I had no friends there, and so my way got me nothing. It got me no community, no friends, no family, and so I just kind of looked up at the ceiling in the hospital room and I said out loud something helped me and something did help me. I made a decision to quit drinking and I made a decision to eventually come back into the rooms of AA.
Speaker 2:And it says in the book how vain it is that we think that we know everything about the universe. How vain is that. And then the program teaches humility. It teaches just to lay your ego on the side and your conceptions of what the universe is and what the world is, and that you don't know everything. And once I admitted I didn't know everything and put my faith in a higher power, all that chattering in my head stopped and I got to live my life. When I put my faith in my higher power, I didn't have to do all the hard stuff. He did it for me. All I had to do was just continue to do my best. And so it was a struggle to be humble and I'm not supposed to say I'm humble, but You're supposed to say we're humble but it was a struggle just to kind of let go that I knew everything. But once I did, everything changed for me.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, it's one of those things. So before you even came in to the program, the 12 Steps, did you have any fears about? Oh my gosh, if I choose this route to recovery, people are going to drill God down my throat, of course.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, of course I had fears about that. I grew up. My father was religious and I grew up with this conception that if God was all powerful, why does he let wars or famine or hunger exist? But then I heard someone say no, that wasn't God, that was man who did that, and that kind of like flipped the script. And when I got to choose my own conception of what I thought God was I've heard people say that their God was a pink unicorn and that's huge because I got to choose a higher power of my understanding, whether it be a river or a mountain or the universe or consciousness, and I connected with that and I didn't have to use all those old conceptions I had of God with the white beard smiting me and that was huge. But when I started seeing things happen in my life and started working for me because I was praying and because I was meditating and because I did let go, that really built my faith and my higher power up. The spirituality is huge in my life. I have to practice it every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, my God, we're totally gonna get into your practice too.
Speaker 2:I'm like this is great.
Speaker 1:Because, again, I love that you said that God didn't do all the war, the famine, all of that, and it was man. It's like, oh my God, you guys, I really want you to think about that for a second, and this is not Taylor and I getting all woo on you guys, it's really thinking about it. Wasn't something bigger that caused all these things? I look at it as man and self will run riot, exactly.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and during my alcoholism, it wasn't God punishing me, it was me punishing me because I wasn't connecting to a higher power, I wasn't having faith in anything larger than myself. It was me ruining my life and that owning my part in my own story and stop blaming God and everybody else for what happened to me total game changer. I did not have to blame anybody else and I owned it, and it took my self-confidence back because I owned something.
Speaker 1:And yeah, I love that you just said that ownership, because sometimes we come into recovery A lot of us actually and I'll speak for myself as like a victim like why me, why me? I tried so hard to control this and there again, it's control. Part of the biggest thing I've learned. If I know anything about recovery, it's like, well, you gotta let it go.
Speaker 1:There's a reason that there are those cheesy sayings that are so powerful, like let go and let God let go or get dragged, and so I would love it if you could speak about, even with spirituality and coming in and you diving and not just diving into the book, but just you having this evolutionary experience of you know what first things first. I know it's not me, I cannot rely on my own thoughts. There is something bigger. What did that transformation look like for you when you finally chose to surrender Taylor, to be like you know what left to my own devices, my life sucks. So you chose differently. So what did that look like?
Speaker 2:So what it looked like in the beginning was I was always isolated into myself because I was the only one that knew everything, and so me finding my higher power and letting go was actually starting to listen to other people in the rooms, because God speaks to other people in the room.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that. Yes, he does oh my God he does.
Speaker 2:And if I don't go to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and if I don't let my judgment down, then I can't let God speak to me. And every time I go to a meeting I always leave with something that betters my day and it's just a slow evolution and that's changed the entire program for me. Seeing people as God, that helps me see God in myself.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, and I love it because it even says you guys, I mean I'm not trying to get like super, like big book has in there, but I am going to say that it does even say it on page 55, or sorry, 56, of the big books, I'll just quote it says that for a faith and a power greater than ourselves and miraculous demonstrations of that power and human lives are facts as old as man himself. Right, and I love that. You said that spirituality doesn't just have to be this literary woo woo in the sky Like it comes through other people with messages that you need to hear at the right moment.
Speaker 2:Right. It's not all out there, it's all inside you. It's always been there. It's always been there. You just need to open your mind and look at another human being and hear their words and then it comes out and you can feel it inside you. It's not out there. Through alcohol, through drugs, through anything, through moving around the country, you're never going to find it. You got to find it in yourself and that's where I found God was through the rooms and in my heart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, taylor. So on days where you're in alignment with spirituality and things are going well, what does that spirituality practice look like for you? If you don't mind sharing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, it's a well. I wake up every day and I read the daily reflection and I read something from the big book. If it's not too early, I reach out to somebody another alcoholic and that gets me out of my own head. If I don't do that, if I wake up and get it right on my phone, if I wake up and try to do some other things, my day is going to go to shit. It really is Because I haven't started things out. Perfect. It's like making your bed or doing the fucking dishes. I have to get up and I have to read something from the big book and I have to get outside of my own head and practice daily and I have to meditate and I have to pray and I ask my higher power to get me out of my own way and out of my own head and then when I go to sleep, before I do that, I thank him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. On days, I'll just say, or maybe even like, if you've strung a few days together where you're in self-will or you want to retreat and isolate and be in fear, how do you recognize that, taylor? Because, again, that is where people get taken out in recovery is when we take our will back, when we think, because life is going so well, we don't need the spiritual aspect anymore. So we take our will back and it ebbs and flows, and so I would love it if you would share what has that looked like for you in recovery when I take my will?
Speaker 2:back. Yeah, oh yeah. No, as I brought up before, I'll make rash decisions. I was living with a friend my first year in the program and he's another member of the program and he took me in and let me live at his apartment and I just kind of wanted to get my own will back because I was sick of being handed out things. And so I snuck over to Colorado Springs and bought a van yeah, I didn't tell my sponsor, I didn't tell anybody and I drove back to Salida in this rickety old white van and I was living in it and not telling anybody and I was freezing and I was miserable and I was like this is where I take my will back. And one of our friends made a bumper sticker for the van. It said self-will, run riot in the back of it and just stupid decisions like that. I'm not going back to the bottle, which would have been my old way of mentality, but I do make stupid decisions like self-will and just not helping others.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so oh, taylor, I love this. Now I want to also dissect people trusting in something that they can't really see. Right A lot of times, and I will say, for me too, in the beginning I had a hard time. Well, if I can't see it, if I can't see it, how do I know that it's taken care of me? If I'm not in control of what I'm doing, from the moment I wake up, the moment I go to bed, then how is my day going to be okay if I'm not in control? And so I would love it if you could touch on, taylor. What was that even that transformation from being totally in control to actually trusting in that spirituality aspect of your life that I believe is so important? What was that turning point? Where was the struggle?
Speaker 2:Where was the struggle? The turning point, yeah, for me was meditation and kind of just turning around and observing where my thoughts were leading me and so just kind of slowing down my thought processes, taking a look at what I was thinking and where that would probably lead. I would see old habits come back from this thought, like somebody has betrayed me, someone has wronged me. Where is this jealousy coming from? Where is all this hatred towards this person or this thing coming from? And it all started from one thought Through meditation, I was able to just slow my body down, slow my mind down, and I was able to just slow my mind down. Take a look at where those thoughts were leading me. And that was huge. So does that answer your question at all?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think we live in a world where we want answers, or like we feel like we have to be in control and not understanding. Just that is powerlessness. In my opinion, is like if I'm choosing my thoughts, my actions, that's not inviting room for growth or for seeing a bigger picture of how we can show up as better humans. What has life been like for you, taylor, as a result of not being in self-will, run riot and choosing to really get into not just acceptance but really just embody a spiritual aspect of your life, like what has that done for you, not just on a personal level? I would love it if you maybe talk about what has it done for you professionally, even as a father. What has happened for you as a result of this?
Speaker 2:Sure, it's helped me get outside of my own mind. It's helped me focus on other people. You know my son's 11 now and I talked to people about this the other day. His mom, she's my ex-wife but we're still really good friends. I'm able to be there for my son and her and she's about to have her second child with her new husband and I'm so ecstatic and so happy for them and I'm able to be a part of that and be there for my son. He's gonna become a big brother.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I would have never thought about that when I was drinking. I would have just wrote her off and said you know what? You're not with me anymore. It's just this horrible jealousy and but finding spirituality and getting outside of my own mind, I just see people for who they are. Everyone's trying to do their best and people aren't gonna live up to my expectations and that's okay. And who am I to set expectations on other people? I wasn't born with any right to tell people what to do or live by my standards. And getting outside of myself and realizing that, yes, god does have a plan for me and other people and I'm just part of this world as a human being, that was huge.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that Dude. Any of you guys out there, whether you're in recovery or you're not in recovery well, I believe everybody's in recovery from something. What Taylor just said is literally I'll say gold again. Who are any of us to set expectations on people? Who are we to say that this is how you have to act, like it's all about our reaction?
Speaker 2:Oh, right, yeah, love everybody. Dude, that's great Dude, that was really good, Taylor and I.
Speaker 1:We might be back again talking about spirituality, because this is a part of, I will say, of recovery that a lot of people get weird about. People are like I don't know when to talk about it, or I will just be the first to say it's broad and it's expansive.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But that's why I will also say it's so inclusive, because what I know to be true is that I am never judged by what my conception is. If anything, I'm always celebrated because I actually am choosing to get out of my way. And so would you agree, taylor, that you think that it's inclusive that people are judged for what they believe, as long as you do choose to get out of your?
Speaker 2:way. I mean, the universe is a big place, yeah, so I'm not. I'm gonna have to realize I can't control the entire universe. Yeah, but no, I agree, yeah.
Speaker 1:Oh, guys, this is how we do. Another episode in the books Taylor. We already have Taylor's Instagram from the first episode that we recorded. I'll make sure, if that's okay, to put it at the bottom of this one. So if you guys didn't listen to the first episode with Taylor, you will have it a gear now.
Speaker 1:And if you ever have any questions about anything that we talk about in regards to spirituality because, again, I get it it's uncomfortable, it's weird, it's expansive, it's broad, but that's why we talk about it, because we are inviting you to get curious around it Don't hesitate to reach out to myself or Taylor about any questions. That's why we're here. We're here so that you can understand that you're not alone in your thoughts and we wanna help. Before we part ways, I want to remind you that help is available. If you or someone you know is in need of assistance, please reach out to Harmony Foundation at 970-586-4491. Just remember that together we are building better humans. All right, you guys, we'll see you next week. Merge Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.