Have you ever felt like your emotions were an unruly pet, tugging you along on an unpredictable journey? This week on Monday State of Mind, I, Michael Maassel, unpack the eye-opening analogy that will revolutionize your emotional agility. We're not just talking about any old self-help rhetoric; we are taking a deep and heartfelt look into managing emotions with finesse, whether you're riding the high of joy or navigating the trenches of grief.
During an enlightening conversation at a peer recovery coach conference, I stumbled upon a gem I'm eager to share: imagine your emotions as a dog you're walking. Throughout this episode, I'll guide you on how to keep your 'emotional dog' trotting faithfully by your side, ensuring you're steering your feelings rather than being led by them. I'll also peel back the layers on a second tool that's all about enhancing communication. So, join us in this soulful exploration and walk away with the knowledge to not just understand your feelings, but to lead them towards a harmonious life.
For over 50 years, Harmony Foundation has worked as a nonprofit to serve those seeking recovery from substance addictions. Our residential and intensive outpatient programs are in a collaborative and respectful treatment environment with multiple specialty tracks offering additional support. Our main campus is nestled on a 43-acre campus in the Rocky Mountains just outside of Estes Park, Colorado, that promotes physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. With one of the most robust alumni programs in the county, clients remain connected and empowered for a lifelong journey of recovery.
Hey, hey, welcome to season three, episode four of Monday State of Mind, brought to you by Harmony Foundation. My name is Michael Mausel and I am your host. Happy Monday, I am so excited. When am I not excited to be with you guys? Last week, I gave you guys an amazing tool breaking down the serenity prayer. If this is your first time tuning into Monday State of Mind, check out their previous episodes, especially last week Gave you an awesome tool for the serenity prayer, and now this week, on episode four, I'm giving you another tool. This is so great. Let's get present. This is good stuff. So let's take it back.
Speaker 1:
I was at an awesome, very transformative peer recovery coach conference last year and I went to a seminar on emotional intelligence and let me tell you I was blown away by this seminar and I loved how the presenter used this amazing analogy when it comes to thinking about our emotions and how we are showing up every day, whether you are in recovery or not. This episode is for everybody Most all my episodes are. So anyways, here we go, let's keep going. She had the most brilliant, brilliant analogy for managing our emotions and also another tool to help us communicate better. So we're going to do. Part one, part two, two different tools. Okay, part one when we think about our emotions, sometimes we have no control, no control over them. And I will also say, especially for me in early recovery, when I started feeling my emotions, I literally had no control over them because they were scary and they would come out and I'd be like, okay, yep, that's anger, or oh, that's excitement, oh, yep, that's frustration. Ooh, that's some grief. Baby Whoo, oh, boy, right, did not have control over them to this day. Sometimes I will enter into situations and moments where my emotions are not in check. So this analogy that this brilliant woman shared was our emotions are like walking your dog. So if you own a dog, and even if you don't own a dog, you know what it's probably like If you just watch videos of people walking their dog. This is brilliant.
Speaker 1:
If your emotions are in front of you, they are running the show. Right, when you're walking your dog and your dog is in front and you have no control, he's walking you. Your emotions are running the show If your emotions are behind you. So if you're walking your dog and your dog's behind you, they're absent. It's like where are they? I don't know. I'm being quiet, I'm in solace. My emotions are absent, just like your dog. You're like hello, where's Sparky? Now, if you're walking your dog and your dog is walking right beside you, you are in control, you know how you are reacting to your emotions, you can identify them, you are regulating them, they are in your control.
Speaker 1:
So ask yourself every single day when you are feeling something you know, allude it to this analogy this is a beautiful analogy and just ask yourself hey, am I walking the dog, aka my emotions? Am I walking my the dog, or is the dog walking me, or is the dog behind me? Ask yourself that so that you can start to really get intimate with your emotions. You can really start to. Every single day, when you come up against something that's uncomfortable or maybe something that's exciting and your emotions are starting to run rampant, you can pause and be like whoa, what's productive Right here, right now, for how I am showing up? Where is the dog? Aka where are my emotions? Are my emotions in front of me, Are they behind me or are they alongside me? I love this literally every single day ever since I went to the seminar, which was back in July or August, I literally ask myself. Every single day. I'm like who's walking? Who, michael, with your emotions? Who is walking? Are you walking your emotions? Are you in control of what is happening in between your ears or are they way out in front of you dragging you? Or are they behind you and nobody knows what's going on with you?
Speaker 1:
Emotional intelligence is knowing where your emotions are. Aka, where is your dog? Are you walking the dog or is the dog walking you? I will take it a step further Ask for constructive feedback.
Speaker 1:
Some of us might be scared of constructive feedback. I live for it because I want to know how I'm showing up, because I don't want to show up in a way that I'm causing harm or people are intimidated or they feel frightened or they feel overwhelmed, because if you've met me in person, you know that I sometimes have the ability to overwhelm people or I'm too much. I want constructive feedback. So I ask people how am I showing up? Can you tell me what was? What did it look like for you from the outside, looking at my emotions? Did it look like I was regulated? Did it look like I was present? Was I erratic? Aka, if I was erratic, and all over the place that my emotions are walking me, the dog is in front, or if people are like you know, michael, you were really quiet, you didn't really say much, I didn't really know what to think, I'm absent, the dog is behind me. So when she said that, I was like that is the best gold nugget, especially for people in early recovery, especially for people that are not used to identifying their emotions or understanding how to deal with them. This is a really great analogy. So you guys ask yourself every single day who's walking? Who are you walking the dog? Is the dog walking you, or is the dog not present? I love that so much, so take that, utilize it. Ask for feedback. Okay, so this is the first part, part one of emotional intelligence. Second part that I want to talk about with emotional intelligence, so that people really know where you're coming from.
Speaker 1:
This was also shared in this same seminar. She talked about the importance of voice texting. So I know a lot of people text because they're in a public place and they would rather their text because it's easier, it's quicker and people don't have to listen to you being on the phone. So I understand that. That's me. I get it.
Speaker 1:
What I will say is if you are trying to have a discussion with somebody over text and you really need them to understand where you're coming from. Because, as we all know, with cell phones and especially me, I am somebody that will totally interpret a text completely the wrong way, because when you write something, you can interpret it a myriad of different ways. When you voice text, people can tell the inflection of your voice and understand the tone. So I really took that into consideration and was like okay, michael, if you don't have time to talk on the phone because you know it's going to be like a really long conversation, what can you do to better get your message across, so you feel heard by this individual that you're communicating with? And it is voice texting and I have started to implement it. I don't do it all the time because it's not always necessary, but really so that you don't have anybody wondering what this text means or wondering what you really are trying to communicate.
Speaker 1:
Take those few minutes with your phone and step into the bathroom, step aside on the street and voice text, because the last thing we want from anybody is to misunderstand us and sometimes when we just text with words, it gets messy. You know it, I know it. So take the time, so that when you text they are like, oh, that's what she meant, instead of them misinterpreting you just saying hey, hey, I got it, it's cool. You can actually voice text and say, hey, I got it, it's cool. Because sometimes if you just text, hey, I got it, it's cool, they might be like, oh my God, michael's pissed off at me. But if you have a different inflection, like oh, hey, I got it, it's cool, they're like oh, she gets it, she understands, she's not mad at me. There is something to be said for the inflection of your voice and people hearing your voice versus reading a text.
Speaker 1:
I love that part of emotional intelligence. I'm not saying voice text, everything, like I just said earlier, but ask yourself when you're really texting back with forth with somebody and you really need to get a point across, would this be an opportune time to try this out? Because the last thing I want to do, and I really believe that any of you ever want to do, is cause harm or cause chaos or cause confusion, and that is what texting with words can do instead of voice texting. So that is part two of emotional intelligence that I want to share with you on this pivotal, monumental or is correcting episode of Monday State of Mind. Really, get clear again on who's walking who like. Are you walking the dog or is the dog walking you? And hey, is this a time where I can voice text or can I just word text? At the end of the day, what this really boils down to with this episode is are we in control and are you choosing to be in control in a way that is productive and can cause serenity and peace and not room for frustration and not knowing? Take these tools, utilize them, share them with people that you really think would benefit from this. We can all benefit from these tools to help us grow and become better humans.
Speaker 1:
Lastly, with this episode, I want to recommend this book and I'll make sure that it's in the show notes so that you guys can go and get this book and you can even take the emotional intelligence quiz. I took it and it has really, really, really helped me. The book is called Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Dr Travis Bradbury and Dr Jean Greaves. Amazon. It get it to your door within a day or two. The link will be in the show notes. Wall Street Journal bestseller. Love this, all about growing and becoming better humans, so take this into your life. Have a great, great rest of your day, rest of your evening. Don't let the dog walk you, and make sure that your voice is heard correctly over text. This is how we do. Before we part ways, I want to remind you that help is available. If you or someone you know is in need of assistance, please reach out to Harmony Foundation at 970-586-4491. Just remember that together we are building better humans. Alright, you guys, I will see you next week.