Have you ever caught yourself saying, "This is just who I am," as if it's a life sentence? That's exactly the mindset I'm challenging in our latest episode. We often hide behind this phrase to dodge personal growth, holding onto it like a security blanket that shields us from the great unknown of change. Through my own confession of being a self-proclaimed "terrible driver" and how I confronted this self-imposed label with encouragement from my husband, I invite listeners to join me in shedding these limiting beliefs. It's about facing the fears that fuel our resistance to change and discovering the freedom that comes with self-improvement and growth.
Transforming our identity isn't just a lofty ideal—it's a daily choice, an ongoing journey that we can embark on with determination and support. In this heart-to-heart, I underscore our power to redefine ourselves and engage with the world. It's about seizing each day as a new canvas, painting a picture of who we want to be. And when the going gets tough, it's okay to reach out for help. I spotlight the Harmony Foundation, a beacon for those seeking a helping hand while navigating the waters of change. Together, we can forge new paths and cultivate resilience, so tune in and take that first step towards the you that you choose to be.
For over 50 years, Harmony Foundation has worked as a nonprofit to serve those seeking recovery from substance addictions. Our residential and intensive outpatient programs are in a collaborative and respectful treatment environment with multiple specialty tracks offering additional support. Our main campus is nestled on a 43-acre campus in the Rocky Mountains just outside of Estes Park, Colorado, that promotes physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. With one of the most robust alumni programs in the county, clients remain connected and empowered for a lifelong journey of recovery.
Hey, hey, welcome to season three, episode five of Monday State of Mind, brought to you by Harmony Foundation. My name is Michael Mosul and I am your host Today. Listeners, it is so good to have you back and if you are new to Monday State of Mind, welcome. I am so grateful that you are here. I just want to say to all of you who choose to listen to Monday State of Mind thank you, because it is a choice and time is the one resource that we never get back, and for you to all be here to gift your time to listen to yours truly, jam out, talk about all the things recovery, mindset, building better humans. Thank you, it means the world to me. So I just had to have a moment of gratitude and thanks for all of the listeners out there. I hope this episode gives you a little boost, a little self-check on how we talk to ourselves, all the things. So this is what I am bringing to the table on this Monday.
Speaker 1:
I want to talk about the phrase that is so commonly used, and this phrase is this is just who I am. Have you ever said this phrase? You know what? I've always been selfish, I've always been lazy, I've always been messy. This is just who I am. You're just going to have to accept it. I am wedded to. This is just who I am as a person in recovery. This phrase grinds my gears like no other, and here's why, first and foremost, it's lazy. It is a lazy phrase. What I also want to say is that what's really happening is that I believe that we are rooted in fear and not wanting to look bad if we air quotes fail at changing our ways, so we stay in this. This is just who I am. I don't exercise, I don't run, I don't lift weights, I don't go to stand-up comedy, I don't sing. I'm just an addict, I'm just an alcoholic Like. This is just who I am.
Speaker 1:
Really ask yourself why are you saying that? What about that phrase is benefiting you? Is it benefiting you because you want to be lazy? You're like I'm just going to accept this and be lazy and not change, because I feel that if I address this part of me that I know is not beneficial and I know that it even potentially causes harm to myself and everybody around me, I'm just going to stay in it because I think that that's the quote. Unquote easier, softer way, one in doubt. It's the harmful way.
Speaker 1:
You guys, if I would have said that I'm just an alcoholic, this is just who I am, I would be dead. I wouldn't be here. It's something that you really have to ask yourself today, right here, right now. What am I so afraid of looking at? What am I so afraid of with this behavior or the way I show up? Why am I going to say that, instead of putting in the work, Is it not just fear?
Speaker 1:
A lot of times, it's because you feel that, even if you put the work in, people around you won't see you differently because they're so used to seeing you a certain way. You're not doing this for the people around you. You're doing this for you because, deep down, you know that you're miserable. You know that you're not happy with this behavior, that you're wanted to by just saying this is just who I am, this is just who I am. You would rather swim in the shit or, like other people, say, stay on that treadmill than get off, because you think that's easier when in doubt. It's so much easier in the long run to get out of the shit, to get off the treadmill and start looking at it. It's not about other people. And here's the thing. You guys. If other people can't see that you're making this conscious effort to be a better human, why are they in your life anyways?
Speaker 1:
I've said this a lot on the podcast and I will continue to say this a lot because people's environments and they're quote-unquote. I'm all about the air quotes today, baby, we're just gonna keep them coming, but everybody's quote-unquote friends. You're so afraid of losing them, but did you ever really have those genuine friendships in the beginning? If they don't celebrate that you want to work on something that's gonna make you a better human? I'm gonna share something personal.
Speaker 1:
I used to say I'm just a terrible driver because I would be distracted, I would drive fast, I wouldn't always be paying attention. I can sit here and say that, yeah, michael Mazel, I was not a great driver. You can ask any of my friends that have been in the car with me and I would be wedded to it. Let me tell you something, because people knew that I was not a great driver, and so when I would hang out with these friends, they would be like, oh, I'm gonna drive, michael's a terrible driver, and so I'm gonna drive, michael's not driving. And so whenever I would go away to conferences or I would go hang out with friends because they always were like, oh, I'm gonna get the rental car, michael, because you're a terrible driver, and I just accepted that about myself for a while. I just was like, I guess that's just who I am, that's just how the world's gonna see me. Is that I'm a terrible driver? And so I kind of embraced it until it got really painful and I did not want to be viewed as a terrible driver at all.
Speaker 1:
Someone that has really helped me with this is my husband and I asked him. I said, hey, I want to be a better driver. I need you to call me out if I'm not paying attention, if I'm looking at my phone, if I'm doing this, that the other thing Like call my ass out, call me out, because I will be damned if I let people continue to say, oh, michael's a terrible driver. So I have been working on this for months of being very aware of when I get in the car it is go time being very aware of my surroundings, not being on my phone, using Siri, just being safe.
Speaker 1:
And at first, you guys, it was uncomfortable because I literally, just like I said a couple minutes ago, I was like what's the point in even trying to change when nobody else is going to see it? And then I was like I want to do this for me, for my peace of mind, because I know that this is something that doesn't sit well for me. And so I'm going to make the effort and if people don't see it or they don't want to trust that I'm a better driver, screw them. I don't want you in my life anyways. If you can't see that I'm changing, then literally like goodbye, see you later. So I've really worked on it and it's something that has been uncomfortable. It's something that I was like, uh, but what helped propel me to look at this uncomfortable part about me? Decide that I'm not going to let my friends say, oh, I'm going to get the rental car because Michael's a terrible driver. Oh, no, you know what, michael, let me drive your car because I don't trust you. I was like that sucks, I don't ever want to feel like that or have my friends or people feel like that again around me. And so I've made big growths in that department and I'm so grateful that I have not stayed in that detrimental mind.
Speaker 1:
Uh, mindset of this is just who I am, another one I want to share with you guys is the amazing control freak part about me. If you know me, you know that I have control issues and I work on them all the time. And that's the thing. Right here, right now, I work on them. I choose to not be wedded to while I'm just a control freak. That's just who I am, because that's not just who Michael is. I'm so much more and I want to be able to have people not just see that part about me. I want people to be like. Michael sometimes likes to have control, but she's flexible. Michael likes to take the helm, but she's open to suggestions. She's open to course correcting. It can be this and that it doesn't have to be. This is who I am. Is it uncomfortable to look at this stuff? Yeah, but you know what's worse is sitting in it and noticing that I don't feel good about it. So I'm going to do something about it. So ask yourself what are you saying today, right now or all the time? You're like this is just who I am. I want you to think about that and be like what am I going to do differently so that I don't have to be wedded to something that is such a disservice in my life.
Speaker 1:
Look at people in sobriety If you need any motivation for change and to know that change is possible. Look at people in sobriety. They are totally different humans than what they were in active addiction. They are not just an alcoholic or a drug addict. They are so much more. That is not just who they are. That is not just who I am. I am a person now in recovery. I'm a person that uses my past as my greatest asset. I'm a person that's of high energy, blah, blah, blah, etc. Etc. Onward. So there you have it. What are you rooted in fear by Ask yourself are there people in your life that are actually going to love and support when you say, I'm really going to work on this?
Speaker 1:
And if you don't have those people, find them. Get rid of dead weight in your life. Life is too short to have air quote friends that are not really your friends. You want people that are going to love all parts of you, and that is something that I do not take for granted today. I have friends that love all parts of me and are willing to look at me in a different light as I'm growing through changes, because if there's one constant in life. The only constant in life is change, and are you choosing to change in a forward, progressive manner, progressive manner, or are you choosing to change in a reverse, detrimental manner?
Speaker 1:
This is not just who you are. You get to decide who you are. You get to decide how you show up and how people see you, and that is powerful. So let me ask you what are you going to do about it? I know what I'm doing about it. I'm addressing it a day to time. Here we go Happy, freaking Monday, you amazing humans. Before we part ways, I want to remind you that help is available. If you or someone you know is in need of assistance, please reach out to Harmony Foundation at 970-586-4491. Just remember that together we build better humans. All right, you guys, I'll see you next week.