Epidsode 5: Embracing Humility

Let's talk about Humility.

What is it? How does it affect our state of mind? How do we start being more humble and less ego-centric?

This is such a great topic that has an extraordinary impact on us daily.

In this episode, I will not only share how my ego got in my own way but more importantly how I was (and still am) able to work on integrating humility into my life each and every day!

So worth it! 

Mentions:
Harmony Foundation 

For over 50 years, Harmony Foundation has worked as a nonprofit to serve those seeking recovery from substance addictions. Our residential and intensive outpatient programs are in a collaborative and respectful treatment environment with multiple specialty tracks offering additional support. Our main campus is nestled on a 43-acre campus in the Rocky Mountains just outside of Estes Park, Colorado, that promotes physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. With one of the most robust alumni programs in the county, clients remain connected and empowered for a lifelong journey of recovery.

For more information about Harmony Foundation, please visit:
www.harmonyfoundationinc.com

Transcript

Michael Arnold: Welcome to episode five of Monday State of Mind. My name is Michael Arnold. I am the director of alumni and recovery support services for the Harmony Foundation. We kicked off this podcast with a series on the stories we tell ourselves. And let me tell you guys, we got pretty vulnerable. We got transparent, and we left all of you listeners with some really great takeaways, but you can start to implement into your life to be able to change your state of mind with the stories that you tell yourself. We also had a guest request for this series, which was pretty rad, and I want to continue to invite you to send requests my way. I mean, you guys keep these requests coming for topics that you want to learn about. Maybe topics you just want more information on, and maybe you just want another perspective on the topic we're talking about or more ways to tackle the topic at hand, to better master your state of mind. I want to take this moment to, to remind all of you listening to this podcast. If you haven't already listened to episode one, go back and take five minutes to listen to it. So you know what this podcast is all about.

Michael: All right, stretch it out. Here we go. Get ready for this next topic that has honestly, I mean, honestly become one of my favorites and that's probably the case because it's a topic I have really needed to pay attention to every day. I would have to say, I don't know if I would have recovery without it, nor would I continue to grow and learn new things and become a better person without this topic. Do you want to know what this topic is? It's humility first and foremost, I got to let you all in on a little secret. It's an old joke in the recovery world. When the topic of humility comes up, you're not supposed to talk about it because, well, that's not being very humble. So needless to say, we need to talk about this topic because it can be a huge game changer in your life.

 Michael: When you choose to act from a place of humility, choose to be humble and ultimately stop letting your ego run the show. What is humility to me? Humility is the ability to admit your imperfections and weaknesses to yourself and to others, and to not afraid to ask for help or support. Humility allows you to see the, you have the power to change, how you view an approach. Your life humility is doing the next right thing and not requiring any praise. Humility allows you to stop personalizing things, realizing it's not always about you. Basically. You guys humility is your invitation to put your ego in your back pocket. Humility is something that I get to work on. You guys all of the time. Let me tell you when I got into recovery, I finally started to realize just how ego-driven I used to live, how I never wanting to ask for help, because I didn't want people to think less of me.

 Michael: And I would personalize a lot of actions. People took thinking, but that the things that they were doing were to hurt me and in, and in the end you guys, it was never about me. I just always made it about me. Not having humility was a big factor in my life for why I wasn't getting sober for why I wasn't changing. My ego was running the show. I thought I could get better on my own. I was silently suffering. You guys, my ego and humility battled every day. And my ego one until finally, finally, I was so tired of drowning in addiction that I asked for help. I didn't realize it then, but now I know that that was my first act of putting my ego in my back pocket. When I asked for help, I'm going to be totally honest and tell you guys before I knew what humility really was and what being humble entailed.

 Michael: I thought it was a sign of weakness. I thought if I was humble, I wouldn't stand out. I wouldn't accomplish what I wanted. And then I would basically be a doormat for people to walk over ladies and gents. I'm here to tell you that is not true at all. In recovery. I've been able to learn how important humility is to keep my sobriety. I am not afraid to ask for help or say, I don't know when I do this life is so much easier. I haven't mastered this by any stretch of the imagination, but I can tell you I have grown tremendously and humility honestly makes life flow. I gotta say when there are days that my ego wants to take control, it is exhausting. And what ends up happening is I usually get to apologize to people for how I acted. And I know you guys, how that feels, and it's not a good feeling.

 Michael: What I have also noticed and continue to notice is that yes, life is much easier when I invite humility into my life, what it comes down to is this. And I'm going to say this twice. Humility is not about thinking less of yourself, but rather thinking about yourself less. Let me say that again. Humility is not about thinking less of yourself, but rather thinking about yourself less. I want to share with you a few simple things that I do to practice humility, that I would love to invite you to practice. Also, one thing that I do often that one of my good friends taught me in the recovery world is to do things for others without expecting anything else in return. What does that mean? What it means is, is being able to do simple things like I'll help friends move into their new home without expecting them to do something for me in return.

 Michael: I'll hold the door open for people and not expect them to say " Ahhh Michael, God, You're so awesome. Thank you so much. Oh, you're so cool." I do things without expecting anything in return. And at first you guys, that was uncomfortable for me because I was always seeking that appraisal, but honestly, the power and the feelings that I started to feel when I started to do certain things and not talk about them and just do them because I could the feeling it's hard to describe, but it's an amazing feeling. It's just that feeling of like, Hey, like I get to do this something else I do is before I act on certain things, I ask myself, why am I doing this? Is this just for me to prove a point? Or am I doing this for the betterment of all? I told you, I'm not perfect.

 Michael: I will get ego-driven and want to do things because I want it to happen my way I will get in a head space where I won't even listen. I mean, really I will listen to what others have to say, because my mind is already made up. And that totally sucks because when this happens, I am missing out on something. That could be really great. And instead my ego gets the best of me. So yes, I practice listening, really listening and being open minded to other outcomes. And what I've noticed when I do this things work out much better than when I'm closed off. And I even get to learn a thing or two next, you guys, I have to get uncomfortable and be willing. There's that word? You guys willing to accept answers and outcomes. That may have not been what I wanted when I am not acting from humility.

Michael:I try and force my will on situations and try to control the outcome. Because when I control outcomes, then I know what to expect. Being humble is scary because it actually is inviting the natural flow and getting into acceptance of it will be what it's supposed to be. And that my friends was really hard for me to accept. I'm a lot better at it now, but at first it really did suck surrendering the outcome. Now, as I lean more and more into it, life is easier and I'm not stressing about forcing an outcome, but instead learning to be okay. Another thing I do is if I don't know how to do something, I don't get embarrassed anymore about asking for help, asking for help. You guys is one of the best things I can do for my sanity and for my growth. And ultimately for my state of mind, when I don't ask for help and try to look good and do things on my own, I am the one that suffers the most and then realize that other people are suffering in this process as well.

 Michael: When I choose to be willing to seek guidance, it is a win, win situation for everyone. You guys, I mean, literally we cannot grow and evolve. If we try to do things on our own and don't ask for help and guidance, because we just can't do it all. And I want to tell you that's okay. Lastly, at the end of my day, I do an inventory and ask myself where my actions ego-driven or humility driven. Usually I can tell by my state of mind when I sit in silence and really evaluate, because when I evaluate ladies and gents, that is my opportunity to grow into learn. Yeah, it's uncomfortable at first. And generally speaking, no one likes to call themselves out, but that is how we recognize our patterns. You guys, that is how we recognize if things that we're doing are especially ego-driven that don't serve us.

Michael: That was good. I say that I feel like after I give you guys a bunch of information, but no, it's good. I also want to just tell you guys again, you know, after these exercises that I do, I want to also invite you guys to, you know, look at some questions, right? And so it's really easy. These are some great questions to be able to ask yourself throughout the day, to be able to check in with yourself, whether or not you are in a state of humility, or if you're in a state of being ego-driven. So check it out. You guys, during your day, seriously, ask yourself when making decisions, are you making them because that is just what you want, or is this a decision for the betterment of everybody involved? Next? You can ask yourself when you are battling somebody about a topic and you're not budging on how you feel, ask yourself, do I want to be right in this situation?

 Michael: Do I want to be happy? Seriously, try these. Yes. I know you guys, like I know it's gonna be a little uncomfortable, but you will feel better and have more ease in your days. And your state of mind will actually start to work for you and not against you. Is all of this, everything that I'm talking about right now about humility. A little uncomfortable. Heck yeah, it is. I mean, seriously, who wants to sit here and admit, "yep. I'm ego driven. Michael", "I'm too prideful to ask for help." "I don't need anybody." "Michael. I got this." No one wants to admit that, but I'm telling you right now, your future self will. Thank you. When you choose to acknowledge it and make changes. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that this was and extremely humbling experience getting to admit to all of you that yes, I am not perfect.

Michael: I still have an ego that likes to show up. And now because of recovery, I have the tools to address it and live a life that is more in flow and ultimately more from a place of humility. Again, I want to be able to tell you that I chose to talk about this topic because it really is a huge game changer. When I choose to put my ego in my back pocket and realize how powerful it is. It's, you know, like I just want to, again, like I said, in episode one, just scream it from the, from the mountaintops and share it with the world, how powerful it is, how powerful humility is and that it is okay to ask for help and to do things without praise and to not have all the answers, because guess what? We wouldn't grow and evolve as human beings. If we did have all the answers, I want to end this by saying that humility is not a weakness, humility. It is a super power.

Michael: Did you guys get it all? Or some of you may be like cringing, like, Oh, Michael struck a chord. Or some of you may have already known this information. And it was a really great refresher, but I hope that no matter what, you guys all got something out of here that you can be like, yeah, like, you know, it's cool. You know, humility is not bad. If there's something that I really want you to realize from listening to this episode is that it actually is pretty cool to ask for help. It's not cool to ask for help and to silently suffer. I can't wait to have you guys on next week's episode and be able to have the guests tell you tactfully, Oh, they recognize if they're coming from an ego state or a humility state. Now I'm going to end this episode by reminding you, if you were someone you know, is struggling with addiction, please call the Harmony Foundation at (866) 686-7867. Recovery is a journey and Harmony gives you the map. We'll see you next week.