Episode 6: Why Humility?

Incorporating Humility into our daily lives isn't easy, but it is so important!

Our egos often get in the way of our own progress, of living a better life, and being a better person for those around us. 

Want to do the "cool" thing? Be the cool person?  BE HUMBLE!  It works!

For over 50 years, Harmony Foundation has worked as a nonprofit to serve those seeking recovery from substance addictions. Our residential and intensive outpatient programs are in a collaborative and respectful treatment environment with multiple specialty tracks offering additional support. Our main campus is nestled on a 43-acre campus in the Rocky Mountains just outside of Estes Park, Colorado, that promotes physical, emotional, and spiritual healing. With one of the most robust alumni programs in the county, clients remain connected and empowered for a lifelong journey of recovery.

For more information about Harmony Foundation, please visit:
www.harmonyfoundationinc.com

Transcript

Michael Arnold: Welcome to episode six of Monday State of Mind

Michael: My name is Michael Arnold. I'm the director of alumni and recovery support services for the Harmony Foundation. We are now on a new series, ladies and gents. For those of you who've been listening to this podcast already, we kicked off this series, like I said, with the stories we tell ourselves, and then we rolled right into the next segment, which is a segment that I love and it's on humility. And so if you haven't listened to episode five, go ahead and take a look at that. As I explain my journey with the world of humility and what it means for me and how I live my life and how humility has really changed my state of mind. I'm super excited. You guys, like, I mean, come on, let's be real, I'm excited. 99.9, 9% of the time. And my guest today, this is someone as soon as I started, as soon as they thought about this topic of humility, I was like, you know, I really want to find somebody to talk about this.

Michael: That is just so comfortable. A with this topic B who is somebody that's in recovery and you know, doesn't sugarcoat, right? Because like I tell you guys, this podcast is all about not sugarcoating what's going on, but getting uncomfortable, getting transparent and be willing to grow and take tips and tricks so that you too can change your state of mind to work for you and not against you. So who is this fabulous human being that I have on this podcast? Well, I mean, I'm not going to introduce him. I'm just going to go ahead and let him introduce himself.

Jarret: Hey Michael. And everybody, my name is Jarret Childers. I'm an Harmony alumni. I'm in, been in recovery for three and a half years now. I went to Harmony, January, 2017 to reset my life. Things were miserable and today life is great. I'm super fortunate. It hasn't come easy. It's taken a lot of work, but yeah, it's a hundred percent worth it. My life is infinitely better today than I ever thought it could be. So

Michael: Guys, this is Jarrett Childers and you heard it from, you heard it from the horses mouth. Jarret is actually a Harmony alum and he is someone that I've gotten to know love and trust, and he he's incredible and his recovery is awesome. And so Jarrett, you know, you've heard me talk and you've heard me kind of like getting you ready to talk about this topic of humility. Right. And what's interesting, Jarret, I want to share with you is that I actually said on my first episode of humility is that, you know, it's, it's an old joke, you know, in the recovery world that when the topic of humility gets brought up, that we're not really supposed to share about it because that's not really humble, but it's something that, you know, we need to talk about so that people can really kind of get a grasp on, are you coming from a place of being humble or are you being ego-driven? So when I bring up the word humility, you know, what do you think about Jared and what has, what has that done for you and your life?

Jarret: Yeah. You know, so every person has a different kind of definition of humility. You know, one thing my, my sponsors who are in recovery programs told me and other people told me is, you know, you know, you're becoming more humble when you talk about yourself less. So, you know, the more you talk about yourself, the less humble you are. So, you know, I I wasn't humble by any means when I was drinking and drugging, I was all about me weird, super selfish, self centered. And you know, I kind of bragged about a lot of different things. And the biggest impact of humility in my life is admitting that I'm wrong and admitting, I don't know everything, you know, when I was drinking and drugging, I knew everything I was always right. And you were always wrong, you know, that's a big change in my life today is like saying, I don't know that or saying that, yeah, I was wrong when I said that.

Jarret: Or, you know, anything like that, that would have never happened. When I was in addiction. So today, like being able to tell people whether it's my parents, people at work, people in recovery, people like my girlfriend that, yeah, I messed up and I was absolutely wrong when I said that I lied, admitting lies is another thing and humility. Other things that humility is just the being super grateful for what I do have. I'm super fortunate to live the life I do have, and you know, not go bragging about it cause there's a lot of people in the world that wish for a life that I have. And it's, it's, it's awesome. You know, I'm super fortunate. Like I said, to to be doing what I do for a living living, where I live be in recovery and being able to enjoy life again and and have meaningful relationships with other people in my life. Like it, that's all new, you know, three and a half years ago, that was the opposite. Everything was that. So

Michael: I love, I love how you said that now, you know, inviting humility into your life, Jared, that you can admit when you're wrong. And you're okay with admitting that, that you mess up because we're human. Something that I saw, you know, was, I thought humility was, was a sign of weakness. I'll be damned if I ever tell people that I screwed up, you know, like I was never going to be the person to admit that I was wrong or I needed help because nobody, nobody who's cool does that. Nobody who is good at what they do does that. And you know, I have found the exact opposite. So I would love it. If you just, if you could elaborate a little bit on what that transformation has been like for you to go from a place of being like, no way I am not asking for help, like to now inviting it into your life.

Jarret: Yeah. You know I think, especially when it comes to asking for help, you know, admitting, like, I don't know, everything. I don't know how to, you know, approach a situation that I have encountered in life. It's. And especially with recovery asking for help, it was, it was daunting. It was overwhelming because I had all the willpower in the world. I could fix everything. I was right. I knew the way until I didn't and what I was doing was failing. And so I had asked for help and just get, yeah, I got beaten down. You know, I was, I was a miserable, scared person early on in recovery. And when I was starting my recovery journey and today it makes me fuel, not necessarily great, but pretty good about myself when I can ask someone like, Hey, I don't know what I'm doing, whether it's something to do with real life or a project I'm working on in the house, like, Hey, I'm remodeling the house.

Jarret: I don't know how to do this drywall help me out. When I was, you know, drinking or whatever. It wouldn't have been like that. And, you know, so it's a good feeling to be a open minded again, to, to learn, you know, before I got sober, I didn't want to necessarily learn if someone was going to try and teach me anything. I just wanted to have the answer, be done with it and move on. And, and now it's like, you know, I can, I can learn from so many people in the world. There's so many things I don't know. And, and to ask people like, Hey, can you teach me how to do that or this or whatever. It's, it's it's awesome. And you know we got an exercise in humility this last Saturday, we're out fishing and we couldn't figure out what the fish were biting on. And then Michael, you know, we, we hang out on the side you know, she picked out the purple worm and boom fish on. And you know, I had to bite my lip a little bit, just like, yup, alright. I didn't know everything. And I thought that was one of the last flies that was going to catch fish on and boom, it happened again and again and again, and

Michael: I love that example. You guys like, you know, like that's humbling. And also like I'll share with you guys too, like something that I can, you know, that I had to humble myself on. You know, when I actually went fishing with Jared, is that, you know, I still don't have all my gear for fishing. And at first I was like, I don't want to go fishing. You know, cause I don't have my gear. I don't have like all the gear that I need. And, but I was like, I want to be able to actually enjoy myself. And if I let my ego run the show, I would have missed out on a really awesome opportunity to go fishing in button. So instead text Jarret was like, Hey man, I want to go fishing with you, but I don't have everything right now. And he was totally cool with it. And that's something I want you guys to really understand that, you know, sometimes if we're ego-driven we missed out on a lot of opportunities and we don't, we don't allow ourselves to really see what can happen when we think we know everything or we are too scared to show our humanness Richard.

Jarret: Yeah, absolutely. If, you know, we don't let ourselves be vulnerable and kind of uncomfortable and ask for help and say, we don't know anything. We're losing great opportunities to grow ourselves, you know, early on in recovery, especially like the more I asked for help. And the more I said, I didn't know, the more I could like gain and figure out how to live a life sober and, and, and, and be less egotistical and just be like, alright, it's okay. I don't know everything, you know? And that was a big thing for me coming into sobriety admitting that I wasn't perfect and that I didn't know everything because up to that, I was perfect. And I knew everything. You couldn't tell me anything. I didn't know. Even if like, you know, deep down, I knew like, I didn't know what you were talking about, whether it was like planting garden seeds or whatever. It's like, Oh yeah, absolutely. I heard that, know that, you know, I didn't know anything. And so being able to be receptive and open was crucial, lo and behold started doing that, started learning a lot more, becoming a better human being. And I have just rebuilt my life to a, to a state that's unbelievable. So

Michael: That's so cool. It's like, it's really fun to watch these things happen. And so, you know, Jared, like, you know, this podcast is all about growth and being transparent and providing tips and tricks for our listeners to be able to dive into, you know, have the opportunity to change their state of mind. And so I want to ask you, you know, do you have any helpful tips or tricks that you have learned about humility or how to check yourself throughout the day, if you're coming from a place of humility or if you're being ego-driven, what are some things that you can relate to our audience that can be really helpful tips?

Jarret: So talk about yourself less.

Michael: Yes.

Jarret: Not everybody wants to hear about you all the time. It's like when you're dating somebody, you go on a date and they just talk about themselves all the time. You don't want to date them again, usually, you know, and it goes both ways. If you just talk about yourself, they don't want to date, you be asked for help. It's cool, everybody. We all like, we're all human beings. We all are all very imperfect, which is awesome. And we all need help and we can all help each other together. You know? Cause the only thing I could do by myself was like, make things worse. So, you know, for myself and others and you know, lastly I think just okay, being able to admit we're wrong, I'm in any situation and whether that's like accepting incorrect change at the grocery store and giving it back and be like, I took too much money from you, whatever, here's your, here's more, you know, two things with work.

Jarret: I like, yeah. I made that mistake. I apologize. I'm going to learn from it. I won't do it again. To friends that was some of the most meaningful amends I made through my recovery process is going to old friends, even drinking buddies and be like, Hey, I was really wrong. The way I treated you. And the way, you know, our relationship was, I don't want to do it like that anymore. And I'm going to make it, I'm going to strive to change and and being willing to change, being open to it and everything. Yeah. It's been a crucial part of my recovery. I think it really helps everybody. And another thing about recovery is don't say you're humble because then you're not, I, it drives me nuts. I know I have a lot of work to do you know, and I, and I work towards being more, but those people that I see in the rooms like, Oh man, I really got humbled through that experience. I don't, I don't think he did, you know, that's what I got.

Michael: All those tips like it's true. And it's, and it's something I think that, you know, sometimes people find that it, if we ask for help or we admit that we're wrong, that that we're losing power, right. That like, you know, we're like a part of us, like we're losing because we're admitting, but you know, I want to offer the suggestion and, you know, let me know if you agree or if you think I'm wrong, but when you, when we choose to ask for help or admit we're wrong or do things without asking, you know, for anything in return, that's pretty powerful. You know, in my opinion,

Jarret: Yeah, it's huge power. I think it takes a stronger person to admit they're wrong or they need help than someone that's going to be it's hardheaded and pushed through things on their own. That's a harder way to live life. It's a lot easier to admit wrongs and ask for help. You know, in my opinion, at least the first 30 years of my life sucked, I was hardheaded and I had to do it my way. And I was right. The last three and a half years have been a lot easier when I asked for help and admit my wrongs.

Michael: I love you said it's been a lot easier and you kind of segwayed into my, to my last question that I wanted you to talk about is looking at your life now, Jared, and inviting humility into your life, you know, as opposed to how things were, but for humility, how has, how has life changed for you? Like what has been some of the biggest differences you've seen since choosing to invite this into your life?

Jarret: You know, it's just a different thought processes that go on because there's still, you know, it's, it's getting easier with time to not try and brag about things, size of the fish I caught last weekend or whatever, but it's just a, like anything it takes practice. So, you know, the more you practice it being like, yes, I'm wrong. Or I don't have to tell you how many fish I caught or how many girls I dated or whatever, anything like that. It doesn't matter. You know, like really does, who cares only I care and I'm trying to care less about it today. And it's, that's a really hard question. Michael,

Michael: Elaborate on how much easier life is by not like trying to pretend that everything's okay.

Jarret: Yeah. it's life gets ways easier when you accept things aren't always going to be okay because, when you ask for help, most people give you help. And it goes the same way at when I love it when people ask me to help them and it's like, man, this is awesome. Not only am I like feeling really good about myself, but I'm not thinking about myself or talking about what I'm talking about them and trying to help them get through whatever situation they're going through. And people do that with me. And it's, it's so much easier, like rather than trying to just push through things by myself and feeling really alone in the world. You know, the more I asked for help and talk to people about like getting through a situation, the more, or the less alone, I feel the more tied in with people I feel and that's man, we got our, each other's backs, you know, me holding my own back it's it gets really heavy over time. So other people can help carry the load and you know, and I'll help carry their load too. And it's, it's way easier this way. For sure.

Michael: I love that. You said that, you know it because when we're more humble, we're not alone and we're not isolated and it's not fun to go through life isolated or feeling like you can't talk about things. Humility, invites. I feel the humanness, like I said before it's so cool. Jarret, and you guys, like, I know I'm going to say Jarret you know, you know, this was really a humbling of you to to, to come on this podcast and talk about this.

Jarret: Yeah. Well, when you first invited me and you said you were gonna talk about humility, I was like, I don't got that. So something that I'm going to work on more projects for sure.

Michael: And that's it. And you know, and that's the thing you guys who are, who are listening to this right now with Jared and I is that, you know, we, we come on this podcast and I bring up these topics and have guests like Jared to about these things, you know, because these are things that we've experienced that Jarret is experienced and he's sharing what, you know, what has happened for him, not to him, but what's happened for him when he chooses to change his state of mind and go from a place of isolation. And bullheadedness AKA ego-driven to inviting humility, which makes, you know, life flow. And, you know, we care this podcast is about also just letting you know, Hey, we've been through some things and we want to share it because like, we want wanna, we want life to be easy, right, Jarret, like we want life to be good then, you know, and the only way, you know, and the only way, you know, you know, how, how to make things better is to kind of just hear from other people too, like what's worked for them and what hasn't, and I'm super, I'm so grateful, you know, to, to be having this conversation.

Jarret: Yeah, I am too. And yeah, it's, it's, it's easier. It's simpler. It's better when I asked for help and, you know, and ask people for their advice and, and tell people I'm wrong.

Michael: Humility is such a super power.

Jarret: I know, I wish it was better, was stronger or whatever,

Michael: Dude, Jarret, I just want to say, you know, thank you so much for choosing to be here and to be a guest on our podcast. I really appreciate it. And you know, it takes, it takes a lot for somebody to come on this podcast and to say, Hey, like, this is how I used to be, and this is how I am now. And this is what I'm working on. So, you know, thank you. It's so rad. This is what, this is what it's all about. Growth and transparency and getting vulnerable and helping people. Whoo.

Jarret: Yeah, that's right. I just want to thank you so much for having me, you know, never been on a podcast before, so that's awesome. And you know, I just want to thank you for doing this. You know, you help hundreds, if not thousands of people and hopefully, you know, at least one of your listeners gained something from this, you know, today. So I really appreciate everything you do.

Michael: Thanks so much Jarret. Can't wait to see you in the future. Yeah. We're gonna have some good times to be had. You guys like there, you have it, another, another episode in the books and other good one, another, another episode where we're giving you some really awesome tips and tricks to really help change your state of mind and really help you be able to understand that, Hey, it's okay that you're human and it's okay to ask for help. You know, it's actually not cool if you don't ask for help, that's actually not the cool thing. And so I just want to say to all of you, thank you for continuing to listen. And I want to go ahead and remind all of you that if you or someone you know, is struggling with addiction, please call the Harmony Foundation at (866) 686-7867. Recovery is a journey and Harmony gives you the map. We'll see you next week.