Using your body pendulum to help you set boundaries

Showing up when you don't want to can really put a stick in your spokes, and today we  talk about how showing up (when it's the right project or task) is so important, even when you don't want to. 

We also talk about boundaries, and navigating saying  NO to events this season and tapping into your body truth and exactly how you can do that and start to develop a relationship with your body. 

Have you heard  of the body pendulum before? Let us know! Send us a DM on Instagram at the  tags listed below 

You can find Ané and Stacey on Instagram at:
Ané - @ane.mgmnt
✦ https://www.instagram.com/mgmnt__/
https://msha.ke/anemgmnt

Stacey - @barefootbranding
✦ instagram.com/barefootbranding
🌐 barefootbranding.academy
https://barefootbranding.academy/eyes-above-waitlist/

Visit us here: 🌐 trustingtheuniverseandshit.com
Email us: 📩 hello@trustingtheuniverseandshit.com

Intro music by Tyler Dixon from @tones.on.toast - tonesontoast.com

Transcript

Stacey: 0:00

You can use your body to give you your body truth. because our head can be saying one thing, but our body knows our body often knows. The truth of what it is that we really want.

Ane: 0:14

like they also need to be boundaries with ourselves in the way that we are showing up in business. That's possibly not serving us or possibly not going to be our evolution. It's the, delayed gratification and also the short term gratification, it's sort of like, which one are you choosing?

Stacey: 0:52

Okay, welcome to episode 20.

Ane: 0:55

Yes. Hello.

Stacey: 0:57

I can't believe we made it to episode 20. I'm very excited because that was our goal because. We wanted to stay consistent and persistent. And just keep showing up. And I think consistency is something that is, isn't really talked about. Well, it is, but it's, it's not, it's not very sexy to talk about consistency and business and consistency is, is really key to getting. Where you want to go? You know, as opposed to trying to go viral. I think consistency is something that. That we should all try and strive for.

Ane: 1:33

We also wanted to do episode 20 because there's actually a stat that says the first. I don't know, 80% or something, podcasts. Don't go over 20 episodes or something. So the fact that we made it is also, so yeah, that's also another reason we were like, we're going to say consistent and we got to. Just yeah, show us that we can do the things, even if we don't want to fully show up in and do them because sometimes, life happens and take things happen and it gets a little bit Temperamental. So the fact that we're here, so awesome.

Stacey: 2:08

Yep. Yeah, because sometimes you really don't want to show up. Like we were saying just before we got on the call. I had a really bad migraine yesterday and I had to crawl myself into the office today. And sometimes you just really don't feel like showing up, but we. Do we shop anyway, we show up even when we don't really feel like it. Because we've committed to something and we wanted to see it through because. If you quit before you get to that point, you're never going to know where it could've gone or the things that. Cloud your mind about. Getting somewhere can see pin and sabotage you. And then you end up listening to those things like, oh, I shouldn't be. Should I really be here at this point. Should I really be doing this thing? But instead of asking those questions, it's just, just keep showing up when even you don't really want to, and without knowing what the outcome's going to be.

Ane: 3:05

Yeah, absolutely. It's interesting. Cause I know, I know previous episodes, we talked about taking messy action and how that can also be detrimental to your growth. So it's like, of course, do the consistency and do the things, but make sure it's always. Four. Yeah. For your growth and for your evolution and not for, because to be productive because I knew from a past, from a yeah, from an, an old pattern of mine is all the more productive and, actions I take and. Responsibility I have on my hands, the more I am worthy of having all those things. And so it's like, it's a fine line to of course, show up and do the things, even if it's really hot, too. But make sure it's also because there's the bigger vision and the bigger goal for it. And not just because you're trying to prove something to someone or to yourself So. Mm.

Stacey: 3:56

not showing up just for the. Trying to go viral or not just showing up because. Your in that space where you feel. Like, you're not going to get anywhere without fully burning out without burning yourself into the ground. It's showing up with the things. That really move your business forward. Not just showing up with everything. I think that's important. To make that clear. What we're talking about here is showing up for the things that are important for your business and for your life. And not just everything because you know the movie. Yes, man, with Jim Carrey. Now he goes on that whole escapade where he's saying yes to everything. That's, that's not what we're talking about.

Ane: 4:44

Yeah, yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. It's like knowing your nose, knowing about Andries and also knowing your yeses. And what's going to actually expand and expand you and bring that evolution into your life in all areas, you know? Yeah, because same, same here was it's I've had, I'm in my winter season, I guess, as, as a woman. And so I was like, really like, oh my gosh, where am I going to find this motivation? To show up today and do this. And as Stacy and I were just talking, Two minutes before we're recording. What are we going to talk about as per usual? We were like, we were like, oh yeah, let's talk about that. Because that feels really true to us currently. And then we were like, oh, what episode? And be like, oh my God, episode 20. It was like, actually a sign that we need to talk about this clearly. And also because it's that time of the year now, it's like the silly season. It's time to. A lot of people end up prioritizing like partying or family and friends, which I do think that's really valuable. And we do need to prioritize that, I think. Absolutely. But then how do we find the discipline and the motivation to be consistent in business to. Or even with our soft K practices or a spiritual practices. And yeah. It's like, how do we, yeah. How do we find that beautiful balance is the million dollar question I reckon.

Stacey: 6:06

Yeah. I like my example for finding balance, I think would be this weekend. I had this deadline for this Christmas summit, that's coming up. So I worked all Friday night. Then I wa worked all Saturday. I worked on Saturday for 21 hours.

Ane: 6:23

Hm.

Stacey: 6:23

To get this thing done because I really, really wanted to have it submitted. And then Sunday I knew, okay, I'm going to take the full day off. I did end up getting a migraine, but that was just an unfortunate. In fact from the sauna. So if I work a really, really big day like that, I know now I can say, okay, I'm going to take this. Full day off and I'm going to do something that's going to. Fuel me for, for the rest of the week, because I know on Monday I have to. I have to come back and show up. So. If you have a really big day. And you think, okay, well, I've done a really big day. I need to just keep pushing through tomorrow. Try and see. I know that there are, there are often. What's it like there are limitations to what we have to do. But within whatever you have. So if there is a moment that you can take for yourself when you've been pushing yourself, especially like we're saying in this silly season, lots going on. Can you take a moment for yourself within whatever you have. So with whatever's available to you, I know we all have commitments and things that we have to show up for, but. Can we take those moments to ourselves and not just give to everybody else first? And can we give to ourselves first?

Ane: 7:41

Yeah, what? Yeah. And I think that's really a good way of kind of. Analyzing okay. Way where my needing to put a little bit more energy and myself, and I think. We always are getting the little soft nudges and the soft science with our bodies, like for me, it's, it can be headaches or it can be just so fatigued or. Whatever. So it's like, To know your body quite well. And to see what the signs on the, in the, the talks of can really help you be like, okay, the next, yeah, 20 minutes, I need my own space or whatever. Yeah. It's just like, can you notice the signs? And then, from there on. Give yourself that 20 minutes or whatever to fill up your own cup? Check in with yourself, even if you have like events coming up or things that you did say yes to initially, but then you you're so burnt out too. You're so exhausted. To have to then come back in and it's okay for people to. To tell them, you know what? I'm so sorry. I really don't have the capacity to. Be at this thing or whatever, like I think. I know my friends would never hold that against me. But I also understand that sometimes people do and it's a, it's a hard one to sort of navigate.

Stacey: 8:56

So I just was reminded of the body pendulum. So if anyone doesn't know, the body pendulum is sort of used as a sign for you to get answers. So if you want an answer on something like you have a yes, no question. You can use your body to give you your body truth. So one way there's different ways that you can do it, but one way you can do it is to stand up straight. And then see which way is yes for you in which ways? No. Usually yes is when you stand up. And you drift forward. And then Noah's usually stepping back. Sometimes it's invest with people, but. That's one way that you can ask yourself a question. About whether you really want to be doing something or not. Because on the outside, we might think, yeah, I really want to be doing this. But maybe you don't. So you can use this technique to listen into your body and stand up and say, do I really want to go to this party on Friday night? Something like that. Because it's going to be a lot of events coming up, probably. And you can stand up and just feel into your body and see which way your body swings say that that pendulum swing. So you do it. Contraction. Does your, when you say. How many to yourself, like, do I really want to go to this party? Does it contract, did your head go down? Does do your lungs feel smaller or do you feel lighter and open and, and. Can you breathe?

Ane: 10:25

That's, that's a really good technique. And I think, if you're very early stages with this and you're not even sure How your body is responding, just ask like the most silliest questions, like as my name and Ane is it's sunny today. Like things that are actually a yes or an actually a no. Rather than just diving into the harder questions that you're kind of arming and Aring about. And the more you do you can quickly drop in and then answer those, those intense or not intense, but, as. Ask those questions that you're really, really stuck on. I'm really glad that you brought that up. I completely forgot about the pendulum, the body pendulum, because it is such a, such a good tool. And it's such a great way to then build a relationship with your body, like truly, and really figure out and build a relationship with your intuition too, because. Most of the time, your intuition has really given you the answer, but we're just so clouded by other people's influence or ideas or excitement or whatever, or nerves that are fears as well. That. yEah, we just, we weren't aware of enough. Intuition was saying in the first place. So yeah, that's a good way of

Stacey: 11:35

Yeah. And our body remembers things that our brain doesn't or our brain has so we can have stuff stored in our body. And sometimes that's how we can get to the truth of how we really feel about something, because our head can be saying one thing, but our body knows our body often knows. The truth of what it is that we really want. Because our mind can do back flips into telling us that we want to do things that can be sabotaging us sometimes too. So. Yeah, I like that. You said also that we need to start with just some really simple questions, like just to, just to learn that technique, to see. Which is yes. In which he's no. And how can you. Tune in. And how can you develop that relationship with your body in a way that. Becomes it's like your body becomes your friend. Instead of this kind of M enemy that you're fighting, it becomes somebody that you can rely on and trust. give you answers that you need.

Ane: 12:41

Mm. Yeah. Beautiful. Beautifully said. Because I'm sure when we were kids, you know? Oh, whenever, like you're saying with the body storing memories. We sometimes made mistakes and our bodies was like, let's go jump off this. This thing when you're a kid and it was dangerous and you hurt yourself. So that's when we can then start to distort that relationship with our bodies, because we were like, whoa, I've, I've put myself in danger before, you know but that's also a beautiful way to restore that relationship. And yeah. And also, on that note of. If you do get invited to things and you're like, really not sure. Say that like, I truly think sometimes we used to always just be like, yes. Yeah. Like, you know, people please a tactic of like, I'll be there or going on, you know, the Google. On Facebook events or whatever. You know, but then like a week after you're like actually dreading it. So perhaps this is a really good way to test and, and work on practicing. Saying, I'll let you know. I'll give me a couple of hours or give me a couple of days. I'm just, you know, I'll I'll let you know in that, you know, I've had the capacity to, like, I truly think that's a really beautiful way to give your body the space and time to then make the decision rather than an old programming. Way of being like, yes. Oh no, and I think yeah, I think I know that's something that I was lost. Last December was, is, was practicing, was like, oh, can you please give me 48 hours now that Aakash I need to check on X, Y, and Z, and I'll get back to you. Like it's not a yes. So it's not a no, but doing that has improved immensely, not only my relationships, but also my own relationship with myself

Stacey: 14:24

in your it's very common for us say yes. And unless you have something else on. So generally speaking, it's, a given in society that if someone invites you to something, you either have to be sick. Or you have to have. Other plans already because otherwise you're sort of expected to go. Do you know what I mean? That you have to go, like it's not as if you can just say no, thank you. That's very frowned upon in Western culture. Like. I can't just do that. You know we're having a barbecue, blah, blah so-and-so's birthday. No. Thank you.

Ane: 14:58

Hmm.

Stacey: 14:59

would feel very offended if I had said that. But sometimes we really have to. Just say no, because we really don't have the capacity rather than trying to please other people. Because they've, they've told us that they want us to come and oh please, please, please come. It's to me sometimes that's a little bit manipulative when people like, please, please, please. Like, well, when you want to leave a potty, you okay. You've. You've hit your capacity and you, you want to go and they're like, please, no, don't go. And. Your feeling bad. Say this person is immediately made you feel bad because you want to. Go home. And then you're like, okay, I'll stay. So they've twisted your arm and you want to stay. But I think. It's beautiful. If you can get to that space where you can really hold yourself and hold your own boundary and be like, no. I really have to go home now. Like that's it. And then just hold that boundary for yourself because. That's why we keep getting burnt out because we, we keep doing things we don't really want to do. Yeah. And I don't know why I was using a potty as an example, but that's just the example that came up for me. I think it's because have you seen that Brenae brown? Example where she says that she, when she first held a boundary with one of her friends, It was her saying, I would love for you to come if you don't drink any alcohol. And that was the boundary that she held with this person. And yeah, so that was to do with her, inviting someone over to her house. And her holding this boundary of like, yep. You can't come. That's your sober.

Ane: 16:42

Yeah, but that's it, that's it. Like, that's it. The next level of setting a boundary because it's very, it's an extreme, like it's not extreme, but it's definitely. It's not just saying, I want you though. I don't want you there. It's like a, I want you there. And there's a standard for how I want you there, you know, rather than, and that's a, that's like another level and I think that's a really good example that you gave because boundaries are always going to have like that extra bit of another level to it. Another layer to it. And that's not because again, too. Keep you in this full woes and. You know, not have anything good on your life. In fact, it's the polar opposite. It's actually having that beautiful, joyous expensive. relationships and experiences. And as well, blocking out. The possibility of things, really going sour or really going bad or whatever. So that's like another level of setting a boundary because yeah, like I said, it's not just like a. A black and white. Boundary it's a little bit it's a bit. Yeah. So, but I also, I love that you said about, the, the manipulative tactic of like really begging someone to stay or come or stay longer because you're right. It actually reminded me of like a kid, like a kid who will go on and on, like, please, please, please. Can I have that lowly of please, please? Can I, not, not go to bed, like that's a bit of like a childish like act and I'm not saying everyone's childish. And I, I do too. I do this sometimes too. I'm not perfect. He just prefaced that I don't want to get like. These. trolls. And means and everything like who does she think she is? No, but yeah, like I actually, if you think about it and like self reflect, gosh, that is a bit childlike of me to like beg someone to stay or beg

Stacey: 18:31

Maybe sometimes people come into adulthood holding onto those. Some of those things that we learn as kids and we keep them, but they don't really serve us so much as adults. And I think, yeah, one way I like to think of this is. like if I flip it over and I say, If this were a situation where reversed. Would I want that person to say to me what I'm saying to them. And if it's no. I don't want someone to force me to stay at a party, then I don't want to do the same back to them because yeah, I learned this lesson because of a situation that happened to me, where I was doing this thing, like, please, please, please stay. And my friend just said to me, That's a really ugly. Like trait to have or something like that. And I just was like, whoa. And it just totally. I've in my mind. And I was like, Oh, yeah. Actually eventually after that, I really learned my lesson. So sometimes holding a boundary can be very useful for somebody else to learn.

Ane: 19:31

Yeah. She liked lovingly called you out like hot call. Yeah, which is, yeah, that's, that's, that's how friends should be, right? Like we really need to have those. Friends that hold you up to a high standard. Like, that's really what it was like that trade that you're doing is actually not serving you or other people. Like that's essentially what she came about. And that's a really good friend to have actually, you know? And I love that. I love that way of like the way that I'm acting right now, what I want that same reverse. Because again, it's all, it's all a cycle and a pattern that's going to be mirrored. So there's probably a chance that you do get that back. So, if you don't want that back then, you know, it starts within to change that. So I do. Yeah, I do love that. You mentioned that, and it's a really good

Stacey: 20:17

Yeah, I don't know what else I was going to add to that, but.

Ane: 20:20

Yeah.

Stacey: 20:21

Yeah. I just think, I think if we tie out boundaries in with the things that we don't want to be doing and showing up when we don't want to be doing, I think what we're saying here is. We show up because this is a big goal. We have, this is something that we have decided this is going to be very conducive to us, getting to our goal. Versus the other things that other people ask us to do that maybe isn't in alignment with that. So when we're saying, showing, showing up, when you don't want to, we're not talking about showing up to parties or showing up to other things people have asked you to do. We're showing, we're talking about showing up. To the goals that you have set, especially for your business and your life showing up to the gym. If that's your goal three times a week, maybe is your goal. I'm just making up examples, but. Showing up in those situations is what we're talking about. I just wanted to clarify and bring it all together.

Ane: 21:21

Yeah. Yeah, and I'm glad he did. And actually, as he was speaking, I was like, I definitely want to bring up boundaries in business because that's also a huge way to check in on yourself and set boundaries within yourself. So not. Overdo it or, or and we'll human. Sometimes we want to just watch Netflix for an hour. Like deal with the Wilton that's also. Okay. But have that boundary only this. Oh, am I going to watch this? Or, you know or, or yeah, only four only till 10:00 PM. I'm just going to stay at this party because yet tomorrow morning I want to wake up and I want to go train or I. I have that really exciting, awesome call with a client. Like, you know, it's like, is this a short-term or long-term gratification?

Stacey: 22:06

Because often we're talking when people are talking about boundaries, they're talking about boundaries with other people, but do we have them with ourselves? I think that's very important distinction that you've made there. About, I have a boundary with myself so that I have to leave this party because I have to get up in the morning. Cause I want to work on a specific project. I think that's important distinction to make, because. We can. Say we want to do all the things. In the world, we want to have a business. We want to be a photographer. We want to be a rider, whatever it is. But are we actually doing the things that we want? That are moving the needle towards those goals or are we prioritizing other things? Are we prioritizing? The short term gratification, like you're saying versus the long term. Like I spent Friday night. Watching a. Course that I bought about contract law to get all my privacy policy on my website, my terms and conditions, and do redo the contracts for any one-to-one service. There's not many people that would prioritize doing that over, just going out and having a good time on a Friday night. But for me, I can very much, I'm very aware that I need to get those things in order so that I can really get to where I want to get. And then. Doing those things. But not just doing them because I'm forcing myself. I actually didn't really enjoy it too. Like made it fun for myself. Like you can put on a show in the background and I don't actually watch the show. It's just kind of on, so I feel like I'm. Having a good time and I have a little yogurt and you know, like whatever it is that I'm doing to make it fun. Like the, the barefoot investor he talks about when you're doing your, your money budgeting taxes, he's like go out to a pub, get yourself a drink, and then. Make it nice and fun for yourself.

Ane: 24:05

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's what a lot of, I know some business mentors, you know, they talk about romanticizing a business, like make it romantic. I mean, you don't. If you don't have to make it romantic, but it's just making it fun and playful. So, I mean, if you do like, you know, lighting up candles and having strawberries and then like doing your finances, then go for it. But yeah. Well, if you do like, you know, having a wine, then go like what you saying? Go to a bar and have a wine and do your finances, whatever. But the point is you're putting a lot of attention and intention in enjoying the things that. Feels a little bit not fun to do in those moments, Julie, because you'll be writing. Your brain and your mind to make it fun and enjoy it. And in a way that you can, you know, so that's a really good. It really good point. And again, it comes back to that, putting that setting up those boundaries because. If you, if you put those boundaries in place with yourself too. You know, set three hours of, of working on your the legal side of your business. Then that's, that's a beautiful way to build, build that trust

Stacey: 25:16

And because they are ultimately going to lead to more fulfillment for you because they do, they are edging you towards those bigger goals. That's why it will feel more fulfilling in the moment too. As much as, like you said, like having, I actually had strawberries last night in the movies and I was like having such a good time.

Ane: 25:37

Exactly.

Stacey: 25:37

yeah, so. Yeah. And We can really

Ane: 25:42

How funny how

Stacey: 25:42

little things. More fun.

Ane: 25:45

There you go.

Stacey: 25:46

And I, you know, it's like that saying, if you want it done, make it fun.

Ane: 25:50

True. That's a really good saying actually. Yeah, so much, so much, but we're getting it done. So we're proud of us. And yeah, and I hope you guys took some really good nuggets out of this and let us know if you have a bit of. Boundaries with yourself, with your friends during the silly season, or even in your business to yeah, just to take care of yourself a little bit and make sure that your cup is always full first before you, before you try to give for everyone else. So yeah. Let us know. We'd love, love to know.

Stacey: 26:23

And if you want to leave a review, please do. And please send us a message on Instagram. Our links are in the show notes. We would love to hear from you. And thanks for listening.

Ane: 26:34

Amazing. Thanks guys. Bye.