Embodying Your Inner Authority: And embracing your bad bitch era

Stacey and Ané dive into Episode 33 with a bit of sass, exploring experiences where responding differently led to better outcomes.

We emphasize the importance of setting boundaries, even if it means appearing rude or sassy. Stacey shares instances from her life where holding firm boundaries had positive results, despite initial fears.

Examples include not overextending work hours, cutting off meetings at set times, and enforcing payment policies.

• We discuss embodying inner authority as an act of self-respect and integrity.
• We stress the distinction between asserting boundaries and power trips, highlighting the importance of self-care and sustainable business practices.
• We encourage you to speak your truth and hold your boundaries regardless.

You can reach out via email at hello@trustingtheuniverseandshit.com or visit trustingtheuniverseandshit.com for more information.

You can find Ané and Stacey on Instagram at:
Ané - @ane.mgmnt
✦ https://www.instagram.com/mgmnt__/
https://msha.ke/anemgmnt

Stacey - @barefootbranding
✦ instagram.com/barefootbranding
🌐 barefootbranding.academy
https://barefootbranding.academy/eyes-above-waitlist/

Visit us here: 🌐 trustingtheuniverseandshit.com
Email us: 📩 hello@trustingtheuniverseandshit.com

Intro music by Tyler Dixon from @tones.on.toast - tonesontoast.com

Transcript

Ane: 0:04

the more you can train that muscle to be seen as be seen as misunderstood or a little bit rude or a bit sassy or whatever, the more you're letting your nervous system and your little girl to know that it's good to have boundaries.

Stacey: 0:19

can you hold your own boundary of what you said it is that you're going to do and not just Crumple like a paper cup

Ane: 0:47

Hello everyone and welcome to Trusting the Universe and Shit with another episode, episode 33. We're here with Stace, of course, just another collab, solo episode for us. Episode 33, how amazing that we made it here. Very cool. Yes. And today's episodes are going to be a little bit sassy, you guys, so strap in because we were just chatting before about, you know, different, experiences where we responded or respond, react, whatever in a different way and how that actually ended up serving us all. And sometimes listen, we're very nice people. I think we're very kind and generous and loving, but sometimes we do have moments and this is where I can thank the shadow to. Respond differently Because we want a different outcome. And it's, it's in a loving way. And so we're really excited for this one because we're going to give some patient stories And how you can do that too.

Stacey: 1:49

When you, I'm just laughing because when you were like, look, listen, listen up. Because sometimes we need that tough love. We need someone to say, Hey, what you're doing here is not okay. What you're giving to me in this moment is not okay for me. And I'm going to recorrect that with the way that I'm going to react to it. Not that I'm going to emotionally react to it, but I'm going to. Take an action that is going to inform the way that you then thus react back to me.

Ane: 2:23

Yeah. And I think sometimes I think self awareness first and foremost, it's the most important thing here, right? Because there is a fine line of reacting in a way that is just counterproductive and it actually doesn't serve anyone. And then there's another way that you can respond differently where makes. Kind of shifting the energy for people to then take the action or be more integral in their in the way of working or being and I think this is where self awareness is a very, very important key. So for instance, you know, one thing that we can be very. Self aware about is if there's an emotion that's triggering you within a client or business or project to be in contemplation and kind of question that before you react in a way that's not going to be beneficial, it's going to be that bridge between, Yeah, being a little bit more savvy and and, or direct in your, in your voice about a particular thing, or just being plain right, rude and manipulative and just not Okay, so I think we just want to preface that self awareness is going to be the biggest thing here to shift to know what's beneficial or not.

Stacey: 3:36

Yeah, and sometimes you're going to feel rude when you're putting these actions out into the world with your relationships, with your clients, whatever it is. You're going to feel rude, but it's not actually going to be rude because sometimes we've been taught that things are really rude not to do. And that's why we end up in our people pleasing patterns. And you're not actually being rude a lot of the time you're being direct. And we've been taught, especially as women that we shouldn't be direct and that we should always be really kind. Like I saw this video just before on this professional golfer was getting mansplained next to her. And this guy was like, your swing is too. slow at the end And she was like, yeah, I'm just, I'm in the middle of a swing change with her golf swing. And she goes, Oh, this is how I normally swing. She's like, Oh my God. Okay. So she has to show this guy and she does this swing and she knocks it right out of the park at the golf range. But then I got this feeling like he's probably going to take credit for that. He's probably going to take credit for that, the fact that he thinks that he has come in and given her advice. So, you know, as women were, and she was so nice to him and she was just like, yeah, thank you. You know, but you could see it on her face that she was really frustrated because she obviously knew what she was doing. She was a professional golfer. And the fact that we always have to be nice and we have to embody this, Oh, thank you. Thank you for telling me something that. I'm obviously very capable in, and we're really taught not to be quote unquote rude. And we're not, yeah, when we're supposed to just accept that. And I think this can really hamper us in a lot of ways, especially when we're working with our clients, because we accept so much that ends up making us really resentful because we do things that we shouldn't allow like we work really late on a Saturday night when our clients message us and we say, oh, yeah, I'll that's fine I'll just message you back right now instead of holding ourselves Accountable and saying no no, no, I'm not going to message them back until Monday morning And as much as we might for example, like put in our contract I don't work on the weekends or I don't work late At night the client if they text you and you message them back Then you've just taught them that that's okay to do

Ane: 5:58

Yeah, absolutely. And this is why I mentioned, you know, to have that contemplation moments and to pause before reacting because then the day we are just humans and we do sometimes just fall into old habits and we've spoken about, you know, that's Have compassion for that moment that happens, but the more you can train that muscle to be seen as be seen as misunderstood or a little bit rude or a bit sassy or whatever, the more you're letting your nervous system and your little girl to know that it's good to have boundaries. It's good to actually. Take care of yourself first and foremost before anyone else, because that's going to actually inevitably help them too. Right. And so, yeah, when, when you do say I'm not working weekends and then you respond, you're, you're, you're folding into your boundaries. And if you do get messages, which I have done before, and I, and I almost respond, I just. Take three breaths. And then by the third breath, what I was experiencing was like, Oh, a little bit of like anxiety of, Oh gosh, like I don't, I don't want them to not be with me or like figure this out or blah, blah, blah, blah. Or I, I don't want them to feel like I'm being rude or blah, blah, blah. That after the third breath, I'm like, no, they'll get it because I've voiced it. It's there. I've mentioned a couple times. They'll get it. And I also noticed that I also get that sometimes you're just if something has clicked for them. And in that moment, you don't want to lose that thought, of course, text it like, absolutely. So we have it in writing. We can get back to it on Monday. I think that's okay. But as long as they're aware that Yeah, I'm not going to get to it until Monday morning, right? So I think that's just a really good way. and as we were mentioning before, Sometimes your clients is going to get a bit of a shock moment when you do respond or react a little bit differently. But if it's coming from a place of love and integrity and the highest good of all, there's actually nothing that's wrong here. And it's actually a way for your, it's opening up a moment for your client to respond or react or do the action that you actually really need required to be done, you know?

Stacey: 8:09

Yeah, and it's difficult too because like I was away recently. I was in a market. It was a really, really busy day. I was in a different state and One of my client's sites had gone down and I didn't know why and I'm sitting there In this little tiny little booth and there was hundreds of little stall Stalls around and it was a hot day and I'm trying to eat my lunch and I'm on my phone And my parents there and my partner and it was just chaos, right? And I'm there on my phone trying to figure out why this site's gone down. This is like emergency And I felt so sick and we got in the car and we had to drive like an hour to get to the next location and i'm in the back of the car freaking panicking because oh my god, the site's gone down the site's gone down, but What I really should have done is like, look, this site hadn't even launched yet. Let's just wait the hour till I get to the next location. I'll just sit down and I'll work it out from there. Because it's not like the site was live. If the site was live, that might have been a different emergency, but you've kind of got to think, okay, is this really worth me being on my phone trying to reset my passwords in a really busy market, and do all these things? No, it really wasn't and that was a real reality check for me because the, the feelings that I got inside my body of wanting to vomit because these sites, the site had gone down and it ended up being a simple thing and it was just, oh, it was so stressful, but it really wasn't worth it. It wasn't worth it in that, in that moment, in that second. Could it wait an hour? Could it have waited? Yes, it could have.

Ane: 9:49

Yeah, especially, especially if it wasn't like in a launch moment. Right? Like that is a whole different world. Right? If you're launching, you know, people in it and doing things, absolutely. Then that's a little bit more of a, okay, let's get to it. But you're right. It's like, it really wasn't worth it. And what was coming to me when he was telling that story was like, well, With this energy, this vibe that's going on, is that sustainable? No, like, no matter, I don't care how much success or whatever you get from that sort of energy that you feed from, it's just in the long run, it's not sustainable. You're going to end up probably with a disease. You're probably going to have something, you're probably going to have something that's like, really, really, your body and universe are going to be like, you've got to literally come and like, you know, ground and just like, take care of yourself and your nervous system first and foremost, because it's that's that vibes is not sustainable. And I too can, you know, count many, many times where I had similar things, especially when it came to like team management or being in like a project that's like has a deadline. And then everyone's kind of like having this, like, Anxiety attack from all areas. And like the chaos. And even though like, it doesn't seem chaotic, like logically you're like, yeah, yeah. I'm just having a moment with, I am just struggling to log in. It's like, no, internally, like this chaos, like this is not a vibe. And now I just think having those three breaths or, you know, going and putting your feet on the grass or whatever. Just for a split second, I guarantee you're probably going to respond. And I've noticed every time I do that, I've also noticed that like solutions just come really quickly and not to say I may fall back into old ways, but it does tend to get easy and easy. And that risk different response has created a different solution. And I think that's where that beauty lies with it.

Stacey: 11:44

Yeah, because the actual frequency of your brain when you're in that frazzled moment, the frequency visually is like this really jagged line. And when we're in the frequency of flow. It's actually been shown on the scans to be a more even flowing line, like you can actually see it. So you're not thinking properly, you're, you're panicking, you're, yeah, you're, you have so much anxiety, but is there another way that you can respond? Can you do it later? Can you hold yourself accountable? To yourself, like can you hold your own boundary of what you said it is that you're going to do and not just Crumple like a paper cup like as you know how you say to yourself, okay I'm really I'm going to go to the gym on this day And I'm going to next time that client says to me that they want this done by Sunday I'm gonna tell them no they have to wait till Monday Do you immediately crumple like a paper cup on the Sunday when they actually ask you and you go? Oh, no, I crumpled on myself again. Like I dang it and And So I was saying to myself this week, I was like, I'm just going to, I'm, I'm going to start embodying my like bad bitch era. I'm going to, like, if a client doesn't pay me, I'm not doing the work. So often did I used to just, I'll just continue doing the work, even though they haven't paid their last invoice. And now I'm like, no, I'm lying in the sand. I'm immediately stopping work until that last thing is paid. Because I don't know if they're going to pay the next one. They may not. Usually they do, but it doesn't even matter if they do and that you have a really good relationship. That's just, it's, it's something that you have to hold for yourself, for like your own self respect, I think.

Ane: 13:31

Absolutely. Absolutely. And because what's happening there is you're not feeding the fear, you're not feeding this constant cycle, right? And so, and that's, we are, we're very compassionate. We get that. It's hard. It's easier said than done, but you're right. You got to a point where you're just like, I have done this way too much in my life for many, many years in my business. And I'm just, I'm just. Linus and I'm doing things differently and I get why I can be a little bit fearful to like respond or react differently, but you actually notice that you've broken that pattern you've broken that cycle and now what you've been wanting, you know, to receive is actually coming to fruition. And I think. that's that beauty of like. Yeah, kind of embodying your shadow a little bit, like you said, your bad bitch era, your savage moment. Again, it's, you're not saying that because you want to be rude and mean and like, you know, just burn bridges left, right and center. You're doing that because you're like, I've had a point where I'm going to embody this shadowy moment. And I know it's also still coming from a place of love. And I know that this is going to actually serve me and the other person more than what I've been doing. And so that's a beautiful way of, yeah, just. Having that perspective shift, you know?

Stacey: 14:46

Yeah, because it does come from a place of love. Like, I remember when I would just let meetings go for beyond the hour. So the, the meeting is set up that it's an hour. Sometimes I would let it go for two hours. Because they had to pour all this stuff out to me about their family and their dads in hospital and all these things. And so I would just allow it, right? And now I think it's way more serving for me to cut the meeting off in an hour because it's teaching the client that then they, when they have their clients. That they also need to hold that boundary. Because if I just do it for two hours, maybe that cycle perpetuates with them and their clients. So I'm doing them a disservice by teaching them that they also don't have to value their own boundaries. Because they will do it again and they will perpetuate the cycle. So I really have to embody that in myself in order to teach it and to show other people to do it. So, I have one more example, and that is that recently I had a, a client, like I host client websites, right? And the client didn't pay the hosting for whatever reason. And I just, you know, went and disabled the site. And you know, part of me is like, this is so mean. Like I really, I feel awful. This is terrible. But when you don't pay your hosting with a big company, that's exactly what happens. It's automatic. It just like comes off and then you realize oh, I haven't paid my bill. You know, it's the same with your phone company, with your internet, whatever, you don't pay your bill. It gets shut off because it's just automated. But when we're small business owners, so many feelings are wrapped up in all of these decisions and we're able to be like kind of manipulated emotionally when people like beg us or they beg us for a discount or they beg us like, Oh, can I please like pay this like in a month? Or can I can I please have a discount or I don't know, whatever it is that people beg you for. But I was like, you know what? I'm just going to do exactly what the company does because I have to pay for it myself. So the site comes down and I was like, yeah, and it was fine. So you know, sometimes you can just embody that thing that, that you want to hold, that you want to say that you want to embody in yourself. Like I want to hold myself to this standard and I'm going to take the action that compliments and confirms. That action.

Ane: 17:29

Absolutely. And I, I love that you gave that example because it is a very, the action orientated thing. It's not something that is, it's like behind the scenes. Right. And I think this is like really interesting with like Instagram or social media. Everyone is so embodied and have this integrity and stuff. But I've had moments where like, People that I didn't sign with because they just couldn't pay for the deposit or they just couldn't and that's fine. Right? I'm not shitting on them. I, I totally get it. Like, you know, same sometimes, but don't go on social media on a story saying you've made seven figures or whatever. And you're not even taking the action. Integral actions behind the scenes to be that leader, like, it's just the math, a method, like, it's just the leadership ain't there really, because that's really what true, you know, in authority is, is like taking the action, doing the things, stop making, like, stop feeding the excuse. And I just think that that's I love that you were like, no, I'm not gonna sit around. Getting kind of manipulated in some sort of way when a big company just, there was no emotional attachment to it. They're just like, Oh, logically you can't pay that logically. You're not going to get the service. Like that's just, you know, that's not even a personal attack. That's just business. So

Stacey: 18:46

Yeah, right. It's just business that that that saying and when people don't pay me what they owe me Then I can't then pay for the things that I need to pay for that I have commitments to so it really really screws me up when that happens because then I feel really bad because I can't pay for the things I need to pay for and I just think that, yes, of course, like, sometimes we can't pay for things, sometimes we can't, but there are consequences to that and being okay with the consequences, it's like, okay, that's fine, but this is the consequence to that.

Ane: 19:20

that. Absolutely. I and that's, that's again, where that like savviness, that boss energy comes in. It's, it's not because it's like this hierarchical state of like, well, I'm better than you. So you got it. Like, not at all. This is, this is just a full place of like, no, I'm, I'm very integral with this. The way that I work. And I also got bills to pay. And so like, let's all be collaborative here and be supporting one another. Right. And if push comes to shove, I'm really going to stay in my boundaries and I'm going to stay integral with what I need to do in my side. So I think that's where that. energy can be really beneficial and is important to embody and know that it's. Don't shame yourself for falling into that trap.

Stacey: 20:02

Yeah, yeah, there's no shame there, and yeah, it's not about yeah, I don't know, it's not about you having a big ego, it's not about having To have a power trip or anything like that. It's really about creating more space for you to do the projects that you really are passionate about. Because the minute that I go over time when I'm working on a client, I'll, I'll happily give an extra five hours or something when I'm working on something, you know, but those hours I could be spending, serving so many other people, creating resources for so many other people that could Be using those resources that I didn't create because I was just helping one person. So I'm not having the impact that I want. I'm not helping as many people as I want and I'm not moving the needle fast enough for myself because I was just trying to help someone out of a jam that really needed it and you know, because I'm really compassionate I really want to help people but also need to help yourself. You also need to help All the other people that need your help, not just this one person, this one client who is having a really, like, specific technical issue with something.

Ane: 21:15

Mm hmm. Yeah, absolutely. I couldn't agree more. And I think the more that you can be self aware in that aspect, that this is really from a loving place and that this also benefits me, which then benefits the client. At all. That is, that's where that is. It's not, yeah, it's not a power trip. It's not trying to be greater than you or greater than thou. It's not at all. And you can tell, right? Like, you can tell when people are trying to be more like leadership and trying to coerce you into doing things or be a certain way or manipulate you or whatever. Like, that's not, that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about just yeah. Being integral with our business, with our boundaries, with always leading with love, but knowing that at a certain ratio, we're going to put our foot down. And, and that's not because we want to burn bridges, but just because we also need to take care of ourselves as well. So yeah, couldn't agree more. And it's a, it's a big topic, isn't it? Because it's like, there is a fine line, you know, like you can tell like who is. On the one side and who's the other, like, and it's a fine line. There's always a moment where it's like, is it the ego? Is it the soul? Like there's that, you know, energy that plays out. But you can tell, you can tell when someone is actually just really embodying their, their inner authority rather than a,

Stacey: 22:36

That is it in a sentence, embodying your inner authority. Also, when you said, put your foot down, I think that when you said, like, the fear of putting our foot down, like, we, yeah, like, we have that fear that if we put our foot down. Sorry, edit that out. We have that fear that if we put our foot down, that there's going to be a really bad consequence. But often there isn't the consequence that we're imagining, the scenario that we're imagining that's going to happen, like we're going to fully burn a bridge. Like if we hold ourselves to what we said we were going to do, that we're going to immediately burn a bridge. But actually that's not really, really the case. It's just the fear that we, we think is going to happen because we've been taught, especially in our society as women. Of what's going to happen if we aren't nice to somebody.

Ane: 23:24

Yeah, And actually, it's so funny that you mentioned that. I've, I know so many people in my life and myself included in past relationships where me not speaking about a problem, inevitably because of, let's say, I don't want to break up or I don't want problems to happen or blah, blah, blah, I don't want like a whole can of worms to open. Inevitably did that because it fested and fested and was You know, water on the bridge the whole time, but that, you know, it ended up just overflowing and resentment building. and it's the same with any relationship that you have in your life. Like you cannot just think, Oh, I don't want to put my foot down because like, what if they, if you put your foot down nine times out of 10, people are going to be like, you know what? You make a good point. Fair enough. Like the ones that you want in your life, right? The ones that are like. Stand with truth and want you to be authentic and express. It's like, you know what? Yeah, fair enough. That was not a good, good thing of my part. Or thank you for calling me out or whatever the thing is. So I just, I think, yeah, this applies to anything. It's not even business. It's just life, relationships, people.

Stacey: 24:32

Yeah, and do we really want to keep the people in our life that are going to go and burn a bridge if we put our foot down about something? Like, if we tell them, Hey, you know, I'd love for you to come to my dinner, but, you know, we're not having any alcohol tonight. And, you Brené Brown used to use. Imagine if somebody had a big hissy fit over that and they were like, I'm not going to be your friend anymore, I'm not coming. And do we really want a friend like that anyway? That isn't going to respect what you have stipulated for the event, or the evening, or your house even. Are we really going to want to keep that friend? Are we really going to want to keep that energy around anyway? Probably not.

Ane: 25:13

Probably not. absolutely. And the quicker you can realise those people aren't your people, the quicker you're going to be in a much more sustainable and, you know, sustainable life and journey and adventure in life. Because you have people that like Want you to speak the truth and want you to be authentic. So yeah, it's Yeah. it, it applies to everything. So

Stacey: 25:35

Yeah, so speak your truth. No matter what the fear is that's coming up because the fear that's coming up is probably not really something that we need to be fearing anyway, because ultimately I think it's gonna be of service.

Ane: 25:51

Yep. Absolutely. Absolutely. So this was a, I feel like, yeah, that was a really good little Savage Rant from us. Savage Rant Fridays. Yeah. Yeah. So I hope you guys enjoy that one. And again, let us know, we've got an email now, so email us anything that does come forward. If you had to speak a truth, how that went yeah, I would love to hear from you

Stacey: 26:16

Yes, so our email is hello at trustingtheuniverseandshit. com. We also have trustingtheuniverseandshit. com as our website. There's not really much on there yet, but you can go in there and find all the links to listen and share it. And yeah, if you want to contact us through there, you can as well. Yeah, so thank you so much for listening today. It's been a pleasure.

Ane: 26:38

Yes. It's been amazing. And see you guys next time. Bye.