Numbing yourself so you don't need to feel? Maybe you don't need to.

How to move through a dark or sticky period when you're feeling down 

In today's world we have a tendency to resist or numb emotions, especially in a society that often values stoicism and productivity over genuine emotional expression and rest. We emphasise the importance of acknowledging and accepting emotions as a natural part of being human, rejecting the societal pressure to constantly appear composed and unaffected.

We discuss the expectation to constantly project positivity and how this can lead to a culture of emotional suppression and disconnection from your true feelings. 

We also talk about the importance of creating spaces for genuine emotional expression and support.

Also! It's eclipse season! which amplifies emotional intensity. So be kind to yourself, don't forget deep rest and self-compassion are essential practices for emotional well-being, as in this ep we challenge the notion that productivity should always take precedence over self-care.

If you want to check out Jade's Women's circle coming up in April, check out this post: https://www.instagram.com/p/C312M4Ev3Mj/?img_index=1

You can find Ané and Stacey on Instagram at:
Ané - @ane.mgmnt
✦ https://www.instagram.com/mgmnt__/
https://msha.ke/anemgmnt

Stacey - @barefootbranding
✦ instagram.com/barefootbranding
🌐 barefootbranding.academy
https://barefootbranding.academy/eyes-above-waitlist/

Visit us here: 🌐 trustingtheuniverseandshit.com
Email us: 📩 hello@trustingtheuniverseandshit.com

Intro music by Tyler Dixon from @tones.on.toast - tonesontoast.com

Transcript

Ané: 0:04

I don't need to fix this right now, because I think our minds are trying to like, find the solution, and there's a place time and place for that, but sometimes as women we just need to bloody feel it, just feel it.

Stacey: 0:16

we're always trying to avoid feeling the thing because it's uncomfortable. Because it's not very widely accepted, but. We do need to feel the thing. I think. And sometimes it causes this shame spiral because you're judging yourself. Hello? Hello. I'm welcome to episode 36 of trusting the universe and shit. So nice to have you here. An. And a and I are here. Of course.

Ané: 1:03

welcome everyone. It's so good to have you guys here. Yeah, let's get into it.

Scarlett 2i4 USB: 1:08

Yeah.

Stacey: 1:09

So today we're talking about some juicy emotions and some ways that we might deal with them and things that may come up, thoughts that we may have. And. Allowing certain things to happen and we'll be talking about. All of the juiciness. I say juiciness because sometimes we get a bit. Auntie our emotions Domi. Like we try and get over them quickly. So we're going to talk about. What could potentially be happening there and maybe. Why they're happening and maybe we don't need to know why they're happening.

Ané: 1:46

Yeah,

Stacey: 1:46

yeah, so come along with us. And as this episode unfolds,

Ané: 1:50

yeah, because, well, it's an eclipse season currently, you guys. So, you know, there's always a lot of, you know, it's like a huge, it's like a major full moon vibe. So, you know, you can just tell that there is a lot of energetic emotions just floating through us all like right now. So. Yeah, and I love that you said that, like, we can be so anti emotions, but let's be real, women are emotion, and I feel like that is where our intuition lies, and if we don't, if we don't accept our emotions, and have the highs or lows, or even like the, the Part where you just feel like you're in the void Then it's gonna be really really hard to like tune into your intuition as well You guys know how much we talk about Tuning into the body and tuning into your intuition, and I think emotions is another element of that Yeah,

Stacey: 2:49

numb ourselves from our emotion domain. I'm talking about the greatest society as a whole. We often use alcohol food, sex, drugs, you name it. We use those things to numb ourselves because we don't want to feel and we push them away. Because of fear of it being painful, or just fear of the emotion and not knowing what it is. And I think that numbness can. Really. Stay with us for a long time. And we get used to feeling numb. So when we feel the emotion come up, cause sometimes I feel like it just boils over. And we go, oh my God, what's happening. I don't, I'm not used to this feeling, but maybe it's just a natural part of being a human, but because we've numbed ourselves for such a long time. It does eventually come out and maybe it feels more heightened because we're not used to that feeling. And we go. Like, oh, like this stuff, it back down and stuff it back in and stuff it back in. I don't know what to do with this. I don't know what it is. And especially when people look at you and they're like, huh? Like what's wrong with you? You know, like, oh my God, are you okay? And. That, that actually happened to me last week because I was just, I was really just like, I was on my period. And how's very tired and. I just got home from like shopping and someone was looked at me and they were like, I like you. Okay. And I was like, oh my God, that's just the worst thing. Isn't it. When people say that to you, when you're in that state. Cause it's it's. That type of reflection that you get off somebody that just really makes you feel worse because you're like, oh, am I not supposed to be like this? And you feel wrong for being that way?

Ané: 4:25

Yeah, and you're like, it's funny when people kind of indirectly project like that because what they are saying is, oh my god, like, I have never been like that within myself. So if someone's showing an emotion, they're like, oh my god, no, that, that, you know, and it's this indirect projection when really, if we all just kind of took time to be like, yep, you know what, it's a bit of a rocky road, like rocky start or moment right now for me. And I'm just feeling the feels then. I think we'll be more accepting of each other, like, if someone's just breaking down or even just being flustered. Like, you can't even be flustered these days. Every everyone's like, such a facade of like, playing this, you know, like, all rounder, I'm perfect per not perfect, but you know, facade of like, nothing's wrong, all is good. And it's like, well, you know, sometimes there's moments where we aren't, and it's okay. It doesn't mean you gotta fix me, or I need you to tell me what, you know, it's just like, okay, I accept that and fair enough. Yeah.

Stacey: 5:36

to wear this mask around a lot too.

Scarlett 2i4 USB: 5:40

In,

Stacey: 5:40

in our world, we have to have this mask on, in. You know, you go out and it's, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm good. The answer is built in and if you ever say anything else, it's like a shock to the system. If you ever said anything, like, of course, with your close friends and things. You know, hopefully you shouldn't need to be. I'm good, but. When we're out and about how are you? I'm good. It's just so inbuilt into the culture. And if you ever said anything else, it would be really strange. It's just like a, you know, a little nicety and I feel like having, we have to wear these masks so often to be good, to be fine, to be. You know, really well put together. And if we're not, it's, it's quite. I dunno. It's it's. Oh, I think a lot of people don't know what to do with that. Like you said, they don't, they don't know how to deal with that. And maybe they're projecting on us because they don't want to feel those emotions. And.

Ané: 6:37

And you said it before as well. It's like, we can find, we can avoid so quickly and it's not even like the sex, the drugs, the alcohol, it's like our screens. It's like our phones are right there any minute. all the time. We get, we can get validation anyway, anyhow now. And I just find that that is probably most of us are a little bit addicted to our phones and, you know, that's probably going to be harder to like train your brain not to lean on that than to be just uncomfortable for the next five or ten minutes, you know. And I think that's where it gets a little bit sticky because yeah, we can. So easily we're like feeling something, we're like, oh no, no, let me talk to my friend. Oh, no, no, no, let me just read this article and try and make sense of it when it's really just. Can I just tune in for a minute? No judgement, just don't have to fix myself. I remember a mentor once say as well, she said when you tune into your body and your emotions just remind yourself like, I don't need to fix this right now, because I think quickly we, our minds are trying to like, find the solution, and there's a place time and place for that, but sometimes as women we just need to bloody feel it, just feel it. And there's no right or wrong how you do it, you know? So, yeah. Yeah.

Stacey: 7:57

to jump to a solution straight away.

Ané: 7:59

Mm

Stacey: 7:59

sometimes I actually have to verbally say, I don't need you to come up with a solution right now.

Ané: 8:06

hmm.

Stacey: 8:07

to be held and supported.

Ané: 8:09

Yeah.

Stacey: 8:10

that can go a really long way because not just men, but I find it's, it's a very masculine thing to want to solve the problem straight away. Like, oh, we'll get you. This we'll do this. We'll do. I'm like, no, no, no, I don't need to jump to there. I just need to exist. I just need to exist in this space. And I don't need to find the solution straight away because you, you skipping over the part.

Ané: 8:31

Mm

Stacey: 8:31

Where you feel the thing.

Ané: 8:33

Yeah.

Stacey: 8:33

we're always trying to avoid feeling the thing because it's uncomfortable. Because it's not very widely accepted, but. We do need to feel the thing. I think. In order for us to, I don't know. It's like, okay. So I'll, I'll give the little, the little thought process that was going on for me yesterday, when I was like really feeling a lot. I was just, you know, on the couch all day, it was like watching different movies. And, you know, even when the movie isn't sad and you're feeling all this emotion come up. Kind of laughing a bit to yourself because you're like, it's maybe isn't sad at all. It was like, it was like a movie with Rachel McAdams and, Caelian Murphy

Ané: 9:11

Uh, yeah.

Stacey: 9:12

Oppenheimer. And it was called red eye and it was like this one where he was holding her hostage. On the plane to stop this bomb from hitting some political figure anywhere watching that. Getting all this emotion coming up and I'm going, this is such stupid.

Ané: 9:26

Oh my God, it's hilarious.

Stacey: 9:29

Oh, it was sorry. Hilarious. And I'm going okay. Maybe it's the movie and watch a different movie and then, you know, still there and I'm going, okay. This is interesting. And then I start asking myself, What is this? Is it my hormones I just finished my period, maybe It's not my hormones. Am I eating too much processed sugar? And my stress from work. Is it because I haven't been for a walk. Is it work stress? Am I just tired? Do I just have the time and space today to feel my emotion, because I've been bubbling up all

Ané: 9:59

Mm.

Stacey: 10:01

And so these are some of the thought processes that I'm going through and then. I later on that night, I was thinking to myself, I don't even think it was any of that. I just think it was well, you know, because we're in eclipse season. I just think these things just come out every now and then we don't even need to. No, what the solution is and what was causing it. We don't always need to know what the, what the cause is because we're just humans and maybe we just have feelings and. They just need to come out every now and then.

Ané: 10:37

Absolutely. Oh my gosh, I love that. I think, as you were speaking, I was exactly thinking the same way. Like, I am such a crybaby. I will cry over anything. Whether that's good, bad, happy, sad. Like, yeah. I just, it's just, I've, I've now finally accepted that that is just how my body likes to regulate itself. That is the conclusion that I've given myself. Because for many years, I would try and change it. Because even when I'm angry sometimes, I would just stop. Tears or even though I'm like fuming because it's just that's just how my body chooses to to to to Let the emotions be moved through me. It's just through the tears. So I think that I love that your body was kind of just purging a little bit and you know, it doesn't have to be being sick or anything. So yeah, I love that and I think it's, It's really, I feel like it softens as well once you have come to the conclusion like I have, like when there's tears I just kind of accept it and I don't make it mean anything and it ends up not being that many tears than it used to be because I would, you know, cry about something and then get frustrated or angry or more sad about it and then it would be more so yeah, it's a bit of a, yeah, it's little cycle that would just constantly be looping. So I love that you were like, you know what, it was probably none of those on the list and I just needed a day to do that. I've definitely had those as well. Like for me, I've just been so exhausted. I've just been sleeping like a bloody, what do you call them? Like I, I don't even know. I'm like a, a herbin. Yes. Something that

Stacey: 12:14

animal,

Ané: 12:14

hibernates for like. Yeah, it's 20 hours,

Stacey: 12:18

I don't know.

Ané: 12:19

20 hours a day. So I can beat myself up and be like, Oh my God, you have so much client work to do and this and that. But I'm just not going to, because it's actually maybe that my body is wanting me to accept this soft part of myself. And I think, you know, as having your own business and having clients that depend on you and stuff, like it's just another little bit of like a, test of like, okay, are you going to really just embody the, the inner authority for you to just let yourself lean in a bit of in the soft life and still get done what you need to do. And yeah, tell yourself that you've done the best that you can and that your clients are still feel supported and loved by it because this is where it's like really important when you can have those. tricky conversations, you know, letting you know that I'm just having a moment and I just need 24 48 hours or whatever and nine times out of ten they are so accepting of that and I actually respect that because now you've created a safe space for them to communicate that with you, you know so yeah.

Stacey: 13:22

Yeah. And as you were saying, the, you, you would feel bad, like you would get upset and then you would feel bad. And sometimes it causes this shame spiral because you're judging yourself. For the emotion that you're having. So if you're noticing that you're having. The emotion come up and then you're going. No, no, no, no, no. Like I shouldn't be feeling this way. I need to get my shit done. It can actually make it worse. So it's part of this acceptance of. Yourself. Like we are not machines. We are not meant to work 24 7. We are not meant to just be hustling. And as you know, this podcast is very anti brew hustle culture. And. We're not meant to just be hustling all the time. We need time to take space for ourselves for rest. And I was talking to my mom at some point and she was saying, That, you know, she, she hasn't rested. And I said, you know, all that, she doesn't think rest is productive. And now I've come to believe that rest is very productive because our cells are regenerating. We, allowing everything to, to regulate from a really. Leveled state. So that then when we do go back to work or we do go back to our projects, we are doing so from a really regulated space and. If you can shift your mindset into that place of rest is productive. You know, just repeat that to yourself over and over again. If you're listening to this, like rest is productive. Eventually you'll start to believe it, even if you don't believe it just yet.

Ané: 14:51

Fully, fully. And I can give, you know, I can tell from experience exactly that same, same with my conversation with my mum as well, every time I've rested and I've come back to a project, not only do I achieve it in a much more, balanced and sophisticated way, but it's also come back in tenfold of how, like how appreciative my clients and people that's collaborated with me on this is because they're like oh this work is really great and it makes a lot of sense you know so i just think that like sometimes when we're pushing so hard you don't actually do the best work your brain is so exhausted it can't actually problem solve and find solutions in a very elegant way because it's exhausted, it needs to rest, it needs to replenish and just see how much, yeah, you can actually do your best work once you've well rested.

Stacey: 15:43

After you've replenished everything, because you can't. Build from that empty. That? Well, I wouldn't say empty. I would say depleted when you're feeling very depleted, you can't create from a depleted space because there's nothing to give. There's just nothing there. And you can just keep trying to push yourself, but. You're not going to get the best results. I if from that place and probably deep down, we all know that we like. Yeah, I think I do know that. But when we actually comes down to it and we're working and we're trying to get something done and we're pushing and pushing and pushing. Yeah.

Ané: 16:19

it really,

Stacey: 16:20

get it. We can get, get a bit ugly.

Ané: 16:22

yeah, and, and when we do say rest by the way, it doesn't mean like stimulate yourself constantly on your phone, or constantly partying, or constantly being around people. So we just, we need to emphasize that rest is generally doing stuff that's going to replenish you. Be in nature, go for a swim, read a book, yeah, watch a movie here and there if you'd like, watch, watch a creative story, you know, don't, I mean, I'm not going to judge if you watch reality TV, sometimes I love that too, but there is, don't stimulate your brain too much because. That's the whole point of resting, it's not to simulate it, it's to give it a moment to, be in a dream state world and just receive the beauty of nature and stuff, so just be mindful of what your rest actually

Stacey: 17:09

Yeah, deep rest, because exactly what you were saying about resting is when you're there and you're not getting the dopamine hits from what you're watching. So when you're scrolling. These devices are designed to extract our attention from us. They mining us for attention. So they're extracting resources from us. And even, you know, reality TV. I think these shows are really designed for those little poppers. They've got the sounds. Everything is designed to keep your nervous system sort of. In a heightened state. So you keep watching it unless you're probably watching. I don't know. I was watching a Korean. Reality sort of show. It was very different to the American style. It didn't have that same. Kicker to keep you watching. It was a bit different. So I thought, wow. I was very aware that the American shows really do have those in built to, to keep your nervous system in that, I don't know, it feels like you're in fight or flight because you're like, oh, You know, you're watching it from this heightened state. So yeah, I don't think reality TV is generally a place where you can really get that deep rest.

Ané: 18:15

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Like, we're watching a show right now called Three Body Problem, and it's actually really, I feel like, maybe you've watched it or not, but

Stacey: 18:24

the, yeah, I saw, I saw the

Ané: 18:26

so good. It's so good. But I, too, had a cry. And it wasn't even sad. It was literally about space.

Stacey: 18:33

Yeah.

Ané: 18:35

And I was like, and then Ted was like, are you crying? I'm like, yep. Yep, I am. But I, I wasn't trying to hide it or like, I wasn't like, oh, like, how, like internally, I wasn't like, oh my god, I'm such an idiot. I was just like, okay, here we are. It's accepting. And yeah, it just, I also feel like it gives other people around you to accept it as well, because you're already in a state of like, this is just how it's happening. Not all the time, obviously, but yeah, it does help.

Stacey: 19:05

Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, not feeling like we really have to suppress it and hide it. And. Of course, we don't want to feel embarrassed. But when it comes to the people that we really trust and that are around us. You know, they can. I think it's okay for those people too, to know that. Oh yeah. And then to normalize it, I think too, because. That's what really helps me when people just act normal. If I'm in that state around me and then I'm like, oh, okay, this is normal. And that sort of allows the release for me a lot

Ané: 19:37

Yeah, yeah and actually on that note if you've ever never if you've never experienced like Women supporting each other when it comes to these things. Women's circles, cacao ceremonies are going to be your best friend because the quicker you can normalize your, you know, your, your nervous system into these spaces of feeling and people accepting and supporting you, the quicker you're gonna, you know, Do that for others as well. And for yourself, most importantly. Cause I know that's definitely been one thing that many years ago I did and I mean, I still love to do, but I was at a point where I was like, no, this is really healing. Not just the sisterhood wound, but so much more. Like, you just, You just end up accepting yourself to be a person that feels, you know, and have stories and have wounds. You know, the quicker you can drop the facade, the quicker you can yeah, heal other people as well and being accepting. So it's such a good space. I'm actually really dying to go to another one. It's been a while. So.

Stacey: 20:40

Yeah. Well, actually I'll, if anyone's interested, I actually have a friend Jade who she's running a women's circle container. In April, if you're interested, if you're in Melbourne. If you're interested, she's on Instagram at the mystic mu, I'll put her in show notes. But yeah, like you said, there is just something so beautiful about being in that safe space to share. And I also liked that oftentimes we're sort of in there with people we don't know, but we can share so much more than we than we normally would. And you can just really open up. And. Oh, so many times I've seen people go to them and then they go, I just did not. I. You know, like people will say, I thought I was healed. And they go there and then all the emotion comes out. And they sort of surprised themselves. So even if you think I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. Sometimes we do suppress things and we need to allow ourselves. Space. We need to plan for that plan to allow us self space so that we're not just suppressing it all the time.

Ané: 21:42

Absolutely. Absolutely. It's so funny when, yeah, yeah, you're so right. We're like, oh no, I've, I've done the shadow work and I've done this and that and then you get yourself into like an app because it's, it's an amplifier for sure. When you're in a space of so many people, even if you don't know them, but that energy ball that like, you know, that ceremonial space is, it does amplify some things within. And then again, when you just surrender and accept those parts, it just softens and becomes so much

Stacey: 22:09

we should host one.

Ané: 22:11

Oh my god, I would love to.

Stacey: 22:12

one. Okay guys, if you're interested.

Ané: 22:15

Let us know!

Stacey: 22:16

hosting while. And let us know, and we will facilitate that for you because it's the only thing that gives me that spiritual maintenance to such a high level. That really has helped me so much more than other things. Like, yes, I have, you know, support in friends and support and family and things, but nothing goes as deep as it does when you go into those circles. So. If that's something that, yeah, you've never, oh, we actually do have an episode on specifically on circles and describing, you know, cacao ceremonies.

Ané: 22:50

But yeah, if you guys do one, you can email us as well. We've got a website now, so you can definitely contact us on there now. So, which will be awesome. Like we said, this all comes down to just letting yourself be in your emotions. And it's baby steps, but Yeah, ceremonies are probably one of the things that will definitely shift that for you, especially if you really find it hard to like, put the phone down or be alone, like that's a big thing too, I know before COVID I couldn't really be alone, and now I love to be alone, so all of these things are going to really, really help yeah, of course there's mentors and all the things that you can do too, but you know, depending on your budget, you know, there is, ceremonies and women's circles that aren't costing you an arm and a leg that you can definitely support yourself in. So yeah, we'll link some links in the show notes as well, like your friend Jade and stuff, which is awesome. Yeah, and let us know how you go. The episode? Did you find it?

Stacey: 23:53

I did it's episode 11 in it says. Battling urgency culture, spiritual maintenance until messages for the collective.

Ané: 24:03

Oh,

Stacey: 24:04

at episode 11 is about those circles. But yeah, you can email us at. hello@trustingtheuniverse.com or you can visit us at https://trustingtheuniverseandshit.com. We would love to hear from you if you've been enjoying this show or you've learned anything from the show, please leave us a review on apple podcasts. We would love to read your feedback and just know that somebody is listening to this. Other than us just. You know, speaking to each other, because then we know that you're, you're a real person too, and that you're listening and that, yeah, we would just love to know a little bit more about you and.

Ané: 24:41

yeah, absolutely, absolutely, and maybe, maybe we'll host our own Womens Circle in the coming years or so, but thank you guys for listening as always, and be gentle with yourself, there is no rush, time expands for all of us if we wish, so yeah thank you for listening.

Stacey: 25:02

Yep. There's no rush in infinity.

Ané: 25:05

Bye!