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Stacey:
the fears that we have can be very much tied to the things that we desperately desire. What if I'm really successful and people in my life. Cut themselves off from me.
Ané:
Sometimes we see our potential, but we are so scared of maybe perceiving that we're gonna rock the boat but That's what we actually deeply, want Hello everyone and welcome to episode 37 to trusting the universe and shit it's me and Stacy again and today we're going to talk about spiralling internally a little bit because we were just talking about like the moods lately and how we're feeling about business and where we are at and yeah we are definitely in like the eclipse energy of course I had to bring my and we're going into Retrograde. So there can just be a lot of voices, internal internal dialogue that can feel a little bit intense. So we wanted to talk about it and how to move through it spiritually, practically, emotionally, all the things.
Stacey:
Beautifully said. Definitely. Excited to talk about this one. Because there's so many internal thoughts so we can have, and like you were saying, we can start to spiral. We can start to spiral with those thoughts and they can lead us to a really negative place. Those thoughts can lead us to a place of. What does this mean? And then we think, what does this mean? This means X. And then that's what leads us to change our emotional state. So we're going to be talking about what are some of those thoughts and could come up and see if that reflects for you. And then what do you do? What do you do when you have these thoughts in your you've led yourself into a. Sort of very shadowy space. And is there anything to do.
Ané:
Yeah, and I know it's very similar to our previous episode where we were talking about, yeah, emotions and dealing with emotions. So definitely go and listen to that episode too, because I'm sure what we'll be speaking about today is a little bit different and perhaps both of these episodes will really give you a great indication of how to move past this or Move gracefully because that's something that I have been telling myself. I've been telling Stace that, yeah, all week I've just been feeling very irritated and just Yeah, just like shadowy, shadowy moments. And my mantra has just been like, how can I move through this gracefully? You know, give myself some space, some grace, not make it mean anything like Stacey was saying. And yeah, and, and also why is this emotion here? Is it to shine a light for something that I could do a little bit differently? Is it to literally just give myself space and grace? Is it to, Set a boundary, like, where, why is this showing up? So it'd be a great time for, especially in Mercury Retrograde, to really, really reflect on this and be graceful with yourself on it.
Stacey:
Yeah. I remember my auntie. Told me once that she really wanted to act with grace once we'd just been to this big Tony Robbins event. You know, it's a three-day thing or jumping up and down in a stadium of 7,000 people and you're moving a lot of energy and you're learning a lot about yourself. And then, you know, she tells me that one of her main things in life is so she really wants to just act with grace. And that always stuck with me because I thought, you know what. That is so true. No matter what circumstances are happening in your life, whether they're external or something's happening inside your head. Acting with grace is such a good place to come back to when we start to spiral with thoughts about why aren't we further, along than we thought we would have been by now, why don't we have that house? Why don't we have that white picket fence? Why aren't we married by now? Why don't we have the kid by now? Why don't we have whatever it is you've told yourself. Those are just some of the common things that I think is in our society. We hear. That you should have a certain something by a certain S. By a certain age. But we don't necessarily need to make that mean. What we've told ourself or what other people have told us that it means.
Ané:
Absolutely, that's such a good way of viewing it. I just think as well, like, sometimes we you. get so used to doing the same thing over and over again we kind of get like on autopilot and we need these moments of irritation or An emotion that's just being like, hey, maybe it's time for you to, like your auntie, you know, want to start acting with grace. Maybe it's time to be a little bit more kinder to yourself. Maybe it's time for you to stop hustling so much and just have time for your, you know, inner girl. Maybe it's, maybe it is inner child healing, whatever it is. But I think. We get so sick and tired of our own shit that it is time to just do something differently and it's gonna be uncomfortable, right? Like even if you're just trying to act with grace or whatever, it's gonna feel a little bit sticky. You're gonna be like, this is pointless. Like all of this inner dope dialogue's gonna come up. But the quicker and the easier for us to just constantly like lean into that, it's just, it'll become a. habit, it will become your new sort of identity and behavior. I actually, now that you're telling that story, I remember a mentor once said that instead of us always trying to implement a new habit, implement a new behavior, maybe it's just time to start acting into that new identity. And Whatever that new identity is, is the thing that's going to initiate the behavior or the habit, right? Like we always try to do the habits and the behavior first, but maybe like you take five or ten minutes every day to meditate or visualize this new way that you want to start being and then the behaviors and the habits will follow. I, I'm gonna try that method a little bit and see if it for me feels true. Maybe for some it's like that doesn't make sense. It doesn't feel true to me. I know there's a lot of like habit tracking and routine tracking like books and gosh, you know, mentors and coaches and all the things. And some people need to do that first. So but I've tried to do that and I end up not enjoying it because I haven't seen the bigger picture of what that actually identity wants to. be birthed through, you know, wants to be. So yeah. Yeah,
Stacey:
and tricks and they will say things like, okay, so you've got to leave the bowl of fruit out on the bench so you can see it. And I understand on one level that yes, that can work, but I like to dig into the layers of why did we not want that piece of fruit? What's really going on. On a deeper level to see why it is we're avoiding being healthy. What is it we're trying to avoid? Or what stories have we told ourselves? That was actually one story that came up for me. When we were doing our limiting beliefs at Tony Robbins. And we do this exercise where you're basically. You know, working with a partner and you're working through one of your limiting beliefs. And one of the limiting beliefs to me that came up was, oh, I can't lose this weight because it's been there for too long. It's too old. I remember being at the hotel later that night and my auntie and I, we was staying together and I just started cracking up because I was like, that's ridiculous. Why didn't I think that. But it was just, it was just something so deep inside me. That I didn't even know was there. And the moment that I was able to. Break through that idea. I just thought, oh, it was such a relief. And while the apples and the tips and the tricks and the fruit bowl on the table could potentially work for somebody. The minute you take that fruit bowl off the table, you'll go back to where you were before. So, yeah, it's I really like to find out what is going on in the mind. Before we get to the, the, these tips and tools.
Ané:
exactly. Because you've actually got to the deeper root of it, right? Like that's, that's the thing that's going to constantly, Do the behavior, whatever that, you know, isn't going to be implemented. And I totally, I can so resonate. I remember there was a, a an old belief of mine too, that like, Oh, if, if my business gets too big, if this podcast gets too big, like it's too many responsibilities, I can't hold onto that. And I remember telling myself, like, that is the most ridiculous. Fear, like, we all have responsibility always, like, it doesn't mean it's gonna be more too much or can't handle it. And it's funny, I love that you brought up fear because so many people think it's like this most darkest, scariest thoughts and like, you know, thinking and, and, and like feeling, but then you come to the root of it and it's something so silly. It's something that's actually like something that a child would think of, right? Like it's not actually going to be, so it's not really that scary or dark. You're just kind of like laughing at yourself. Like you did and I did. It's like, what the hell was that really? Why I was so scared to take that action or, you know, set that boundary, you know? So Yeah, I think that this is a really, really, really prominent time to sit with your fears and journal. I've been journaling every day the last week because of this shadowy emotions. And the shit that I'm journaling, I'm like, this is so stupid, but it's helping. It's just brain dumping. I don't have to sit with it. I don't have to then, you know let it out with my partner or my friends. I'm just brain dumping. And that's a really, really good way of Letting it just be heard. Oh
Stacey:
we did at Tony Robbins was he made us stick a finger in our nose. And be like, is. And say the belief in a funny voice, like a cartoon voice, he'd be like, oh my God, your fat is so old. And he made us laugh about it and it just broke the state. It broke that state of like, oh, the fear and just making it. It sounds stupid. And that will tell your brain. This is stupid. You know, and, and he had, he made us scream. This is bullshit at the. So there's like 7,000 people in this. Stadium going this. Oh shit.
Ané:
god.
Stacey:
It was crazy. But that's what you need to do. Sometimes you just break yourself out of that thought of. Oh, diving down into it. And as you were talking as well, It reminded me of this Marianne Williamson quote, because like you said, it's not always dark shadow. Shadowy period. It's she says our deepest fear is not the word adequate deepest fear is that we're powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous, actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. You're playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel secure around you. We're all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God. That's within us. It is not in some of us. It's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Ané:
Such a beautiful quote, I love that. It's so true though, it actually reminded me of like the golden shadow, you know, people, we talk about shadows here and stuff, but sometimes we are so, we see our potential, but we are so scared of it, we're so scared of maybe perceiving that we're gonna rock some feathers or rock the boat or just like, you know, be taking up space or being annoying, but That's what we actually deeply, deeply want that, that success, that family, that fulfillment, whatever it is. Yeah. Sometimes you're going to look a little bit like the villain and sometimes you're going to look like you're being too much on too entitled, but if you always leading with love and with like appreciation and acceptance with everyone, like that is actually what we all deeply want. And I think, yeah, that's just exactly it. It's like that golden shadow that you always want, but it's. It's just, what if everyone around me is going to hate this version of me, you know? Mm hmm.
Stacey:
Yeah. What if I'm really successful and people in my life. Cut themselves off from me. What if. They judged me. What if. I become more successful than my parents to be fear of peoples. What if. I earn more money than my partner and he starts to not Respect me anymore. What if it changes the relationship? What if I. Become so successful that when I walked down the street, that people recognize me and I hate that. So these are some just, I just made all that up, but these are some fears that we could potentially have all of success. So these are the fears that we can have. Aren't necessarily just the things that. That, like you said, a dark and scary and the fears that we have can be very much tied to the things that we desperately desire.
Ané:
Yeah. And one thing that, if you're wondering whether or not these are some of your fears, see where you project, internally or externally. You may see some, you know, successful women online or in the street and there may be a little voice of oh wow look at her strutting this down the street like that or oh wow as if she is sharing that information online or whatever and just sit with those thoughts for a minute don't don't judge yourself as well but just for a minute be like Is there deep, deep, deeply something that I actually would like from this? And it's a very hard pill to swallow because I've been there all the time and I still do this sometimes. But there is, there is that fear. There's the fear, right? Whether it's the success, the money, the love, the family, the whatever, taking up space. And that's that golden shadow. That is the actual thing that you want to desire. And this is where, like, you got to be discerned about the ego or not, because is it from a place of like wanting validation, right? Or is it a place from like, man, if that is the identity that I want to step in, because I know that I'm going to lead or, you know, be of service to the world in that way or whatever the story is. And that's, again, that's just something you've got to ponder and self reflect.
Stacey:
It, what you said about is this triggering you or are you projecting. It's so true because that's exactly where we most need to do that internal work. So I remember I have an example. I remember I used to get really triggered by people dancing, like really centrally on
Ané:
Oh yes.
Stacey:
and I'd be like, And I would get annoyed. So annoyed that's that's a sign or feeling just saying something to somebody making that judgment. Why do they have to do that? Or why, why are they acting that way? And so you can immediately reflect that upon yourself and say, okay, Why is that triggering me in this way? What is going on inside me? Is this something I actually want, do I want to feel, and. Express myself in a way that somebody else is doing that I can't currently. And is that why that's triggering me and likely it is. And it's likely those triggers are there. The triggers are the teachers.
Ané:
teachers. Put that on a t shirt guys. Don't worry, we will. We will on our merch, don't worry. I love that. So true, so true. And again, it's be grace, gracious with yourself on this. Like, don't now judge yourself for thinking that way because the quicker that we can no sort of charge or just be like, Oh, interesting. And then dig a little deeper, the quicker you're going to just be able to dissolve these, these moments. And it's going to forever be there. Like we're always going to have these moments. So we might as well just accept it as quick as possible and, you know, know our tools and our resources to work through this. So I, yeah, I love that. I love that., Yeah,
Stacey:
guys have heard about this, but there's this challenge called the 75 HOD. And basically what it is it's it's true workouts per day, 45 minutes. Each one must be outside. You have to have a diet or follow a diet of some kind, and you cannot cheat on this diet. And for me, it's really triggered me. I just, I was like, are you serious? I was like, I go work out once for an hour every day, the line to ice. For me, it takes me three hours to leave the house, get to the gym. Do my workout, do my stretching. Do my, cool-down get home. By the time I've done all that and I've just started unpacking everything. It honestly takes me about
Ané:
Yeah. Yeah. Easily.
Stacey:
don't know why it takes me so long, but I'm usually at the gym for quite a while. And then it just takes me ages. And I feel like for people to come along and have that like, oh yeah, you can just work out for, you know, For two sessions a day for 45 minutes each. I really was triggering for me. So I thought. I think for real, like, I'm like, who has time for that? Who has time for that? Also I have a foot injury, so I can't really just go for a walk for 45 minutes from the house. If, if people are thinking, okay, we'll just go for a walk. I can't actually do that. I can't just be walking around everywhere. So yeah.
Ané:
I, I totally agree. When I first heard of this, I thought it was awesome. Absolutely ridiculous and anyone that tries to do it is just looking to fail somehow. I thought it was beyond ridiculous. To some degree, I still do. I just think you're wanting to fail for something. I don't know why. But again, I was looking through that, I was like, interesting, interesting, is there parts in my life that I don't push the boundary a little bit? Is there parts of my life that I don't, try to go a little bit extreme with something, you know? I'm very routine focused and tick the box sort of. You know but is it, is this, because to me what this sounds like, it's like a little bit of an obsession or something. Like, I feel like people that love challenges and I've done them, you know, with any type of challenge, it's like, I want to get a little bit obsessed with something and just like be embedded in it. So I was like, okay, maybe there's something within that, that I just haven't been doing. And so Yeah, no, I, I still don't think I will ever do this chart, this hard challenge at all. Like, I just think that's beyond, but at the same time this is what, this is an example, you guys, to like, really be like, oh, okay, I see where I'm being triggered or I'm projecting a little bit here. So if that's something to look at,
Stacey:
What if we created the 75 soft challenge.
Ané:
that I can get
Stacey:
maybe that's like, And maybe that's really triggering for guys because. Not just guys, but I love a challenge. My coach did pick this up in me pretty quickly. Once she was like, you really thrive on a challenge. So that's how she would format everything for me. In a form of a challenge. So it's not as if I'm against a challenge. But yeah, maybe that's really triggering for somebody who, who loves to be go, go, go, go, go. And nailing everything and having that it's very masculine. It's very.
Ané:
Mm hmm. Mm hmm.
Stacey:
and maybe. That that challenge would be the opposite. So sometimes the challenge for us is the opposite of what we normally do. Like an example that I got from my money mentor was that. If you, if you are somebody who always pays for your friends at lunch, You're the one who has to sit on your hands and you're not paying. Whereas if you're the one who doesn't normally pay or your more quietly spoken. Maybe it's up to you to stand up and shout everybody. You know, 4, 4, 4, that's your challenge. So your challenge is often the opposite. Of whatever you're normally used to.
Ané:
I love that. I love that. And that in itself, you can apply that to so many things, whether that's in business, relationships, personal, life, health, fitness, whatever. And it's such a good idea. Like I'm already thinking, Oh my gosh, I'm going to try. It's kind of like reverse engineering. Like, okay, what are you good at? Do the polar opposite, repeat it. And that's the challenge. Like that's literally the, the process. So I love that. Cause I'm already thinking, okay, what am I really good at business? What am I not? Okay. The thing that I'm not, I'm going to try and challenge myself here a little bit and just do it for the next couple of weeks. And, and this is the same thing as what we were talking about before with like, If you have, if you've been trying to do a habit or behavior, perhaps it is leaning into the identity meditative visualizing for a bit first and then seeing how those other things will start to kind of manifest and you just start to like go into that energy. Or if you're someone who isn't very good at habits or whatever to do that first. So like just play around because at the day it's all a challenge if you do it that way. So such a good, such a good reflection on that.
Stacey:
Yeah, and this isn't just force yourself to do something that you are totally against. Like we're not saying force yourself to go and do the 75 heart of his triggering. You. That's not what we're saying. We're saying, is there something that you're recognizing in yourself in that trigger? And where can you apply? Where is this showing up for you elsewhere in your life? So is that resistance to. The thing that you are triggered by showing up elsewhere and effecting you in a negative way that you would like to. Release and remove and transcend.
Ané:
Absolutely. Absolutely. Such a good. We're just, yeah, caveating that for you guys because absolutely we don't wanna Be like, oh yeah, we will never do the 75 hard challenge. And then say all of this being like, be hard on yourself. Like not at all. That's not the point I was trying to make here. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And I just want to reiterate about like, if you are right now, just feeling so down in the dumps, if actually I heard this on a a live the other day, she's a, a very, she's a nervous system coach. She wrote a book. She's amazing. And she was saying about how. So many talk about how to regulate yourself and all the things right, but it depends on where your nervous system is Fired up or like wired up right now. Like if you're in a fawn state, then you shouldn't just relax more and like sleep and nap all day. You need some, you'll need something to kind of move your energy, move the momentum within to get you out of that fawn state, right? So that may be like walking, exercise swimming, whatever, something just like to move you a little bit. Obviously, don't do something that's completely going to zap you out and create more stress within because you're obviously in those states for stress. Or if you're in a state of flight or fight, you know, you're hypervigilating, you're like just very maybe anxious or just overdrive, which is not good. Which tends to be my, my way, then it is time to meditate. It is time to do some self love visualization. It is time to take care of your body. And you know, so it's really, really good to notice where you're at and then with the tools and resources that there are, see what will then accommodate for that. Don't just, for someone that is like very hustle mode mentality, doing a breath work and then a. Like a two hour exercise and all of this is just going to constantly put your, your state in this heightened place, but, and so you've got to figure out where your baseline is and then kind of integrate other areas to help you soothe yourself out, which I just thought was a really, really good way of like explaining nervous system regulation, regulation, because so many of us are like, do this and that it's like, but is that actually going to be applicable for them if they're not even If that's not even where they are starting at, you know, so.
Stacey:
So you're sort of saying like, Groggy yourself on spiritual tools. Don't jam breath work and. Meditation and everything all at once. I just feel through it and then see what feels right. And in a. In a more gentle way. Is that sort of
Ané:
Well, depending on where you are with your nervous system. So if you're already in a heightened state, yes, be gentle. But if you're in a fawn state, which is like kind of where like depression lies, like you're just, you're so down in the dumps, yeah, and flat, then. Then don't, I'm not saying don't be gentle, but like do something that will like heighten you up a little bit, like go for a run or a walk or something just to get yourself. So depending on where you're at, so sometimes you have to be gentle and sometimes you have to push the limits, not obviously to a point to hurt yourself, but like we were saying, like sometimes you have to just like find a little bit of a challenge and just do that a little bit and to get yourself a little bit out of it. So. Yeah, I just recently heard that and I thought that was such a brilliant way of explaining nerve, like regulating a nervous system because so many of us give so many tools, but perhaps that tool isn't actually going to serve where your nervous system is at. Yes. Yes.
Stacey:
Well, we are going to be having on, I hopefully you're going to be our next guest, a nervous system regulation specialist expert. So hang out for that episode. And I think we'll dive into. That a bit more. So that'll be really cool to explain that a bit more because I like what you're saying about, okay. Yes, let's do the contrasted. Thing to what we need. So yeah, if we're in, so it's fight flight fawn or no fight flight. Phrase or phone?
Ané:
Mm hmm.
Stacey:
often gets left off that list. Cause it's fight or flight. And fight flight freeze. And then, but then fawn is often, you know, actually, as you were speaking, I was thinking about bed rotting. You know how this is the thing on Tik TOK, people talking about. I I'm just bad riding all day. Maybe that's a foreign state. And. Yeah. And that state is a state where we, we just, we were overstimulated potentially, and we've just gone into flatline. We can't. We can't be. We can't do anything because we're Sur unregulated that we have to just, our body just feels like I need safety. I need safety. Any comfort. And maybe we need to teach our body. Actually it is safe to do X. It is safe because we need the evidence. We show our bodies. We say seen nothing bad happened. I went outside, nothing bad happened and we have to VR. We have to relay that feedback back to ourselves to train our bodies. Again, it is safe. It is safe. It is safe. So that's something that I think nervous system regulation is doing. It's it's teaching our body that something is safe because if we're in a foreign state or we're in a fight or flight state, we are unsafe. So all we're doing is we're coming back to telling our body that it's safe.
Ané:
exactly, exactly. And you know, I just want to like, I, the reason I brought all this up is because maybe the word challenge is in the right way, but just to give us a little bit of like a, a I don't know what else to call it other than a challenge, but I know that if you're in a dysregulated state, like, that's the last thing you want is a frickin challenge. So, maybe you guys can tell us what else to call it. Maybe it's a, a gosh, yeah, who knows. But,
Stacey:
Betsy, that would work for me. If you told me
Ané:
Yes,
Stacey:
So it depends on your personality
Ané:
Right, exactly, exactly. But like, that's what I meant by like, yeah, depending on where you're feeling lately, Give yourself a, a soft challenge perhaps is what we could call it. To just, to just get you out of that state and it may take a couple of turns. So be gracious, be graceful with yourself on it. But absolutely it's, I haven't even heard this term about the TikTok thing, but I am, it's quite sad actually that this has been a thing that's been going on. Like, gosh, like, yeah, it's, yeah, not good.
Stacey:
it may have been news.
Ané:
Wow, really?
Stacey:
Yeah. And they had like some psychologists come on and talk about it. And yeah, I did think, you know, it's becoming, it became really popular, a lot popular realized. But I do think it's, it's not. The best state, not the best state, but it's not a healthy state to stay in all the time. It's fine to be there for the day, but just don't stay there.
Ané:
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you guys know we love our rests and our naps and all the things, so that will never leave us. But yeah, if you're finding yourself that you're so, like you said, like internally activated, even though it may not look like it physically, but internally you are so wired that you just don't feel safe leaving your bed or bedroom, then Yeah, have these tools you guys and and just be soft and gentle with yourself while you do it Yeah, I think this was a really really good episode. We covered so much We went all all over the places and I also find it hilarious how we can well I I feel like I was really struggling to speak like people who don't believe in astrology I'm like then why can no one speak when it's mercury retrograde you guys. Sorry, but
Stacey:
Yeah.
Ané:
anywho. Anywho.
Stacey:
But keep an eye out for the 75 self challenge.
Ané:
Yes, absolutely. I can really get around that. I can really get around that.
Stacey:
And yeah. Keep an eye out for upcoming episodes. Thank you so much for listening. We have a website, which you can contact us on now, which is trustingtheuniverseandshit.com you can also email hello@trustingtheuniverseandshit.com.
Ané:
Amazing. Yes. And if you guys have any ideas for this soft challenge, then yeah, give us, let us know. Contact us and let us know. And we would love to hear from you guys. Thank you for listening as always. And yes, any guys love. Bye!