In this episode of "Trusting the Universe and Sh*t," hosts Stacey & Ané delve into the topic of finding belonging and combating loneliness, particularly for small business owners.
They share personal experiences and strategies for overcoming feelings of isolation and comparison, emphasizing the importance of vulnerability and authentic connection. Throughout the discussion, they explore the impact of social media on loneliness and offer practical advice for fostering meaningful relationships. Tune in for insights on energetic cord cutting, self-reflection, and personal growth.
You can find Ané and Stacey on Instagram at:
Ané - @ane.mgmnt
✦ https://www.instagram.com/mgmnt__/
https://msha.ke/anemgmnt
Stacey - @barefootbranding
✦ instagram.com/barefootbranding
🌐 barefootbranding.academy
https://barefootbranding.academy/eyes-above-waitlist/
Visit us here: 🌐 trustingtheuniverseandshit.com
Email us: 📩 hello@trustingtheuniverseandshit.com
Intro music by Tyler Dixon from @tones.on.toast - tonesontoast.com
In this episode of "Trusting the Universe and Sh*t," hosts Stacey & Ané delve into the topic of finding belonging and combating loneliness, particularly for small business owners.
They share personal experiences and strategies for overcoming feelings of isolation and comparison, emphasizing the importance of vulnerability and authentic connection. Throughout the discussion, they explore the impact of social media on loneliness and offer practical advice for fostering meaningful relationships. Tune in for insights on energetic cord cutting, self-reflection, and personal growth.
You can find Ané and Stacey on Instagram at:
Ané - @ane.mgmnt
✦ https://www.instagram.com/mgmnt__/
https://msha.ke/anemgmnt
Stacey - @barefootbranding
✦ instagram.com/barefootbranding
🌐 barefootbranding.academy
https://barefootbranding.academy/eyes-above-waitlist/
Visit us here: 🌐 trustingtheuniverseandshit.com
Email us: 📩 hello@trustingtheuniverseandshit.com
Intro music by Tyler Dixon from @tones.on.toast - tonesontoast.com
just know that you are loved no matter if you think I'm alone right now, I have no one. You are definitely loved.
Ané:Words are spells. That's why it's called spelling. So whatever you say be careful. Be careful what you wish for.
Stacey:Hello, and welcome to episode 41. Oh, trusting the universe and shit. Ane, and I are here today to welcome you.
Ané:Hello guys. Yes. Welcome to another episode. Today's one is going to be really juicy and kind of a bit invulnerable I'm going to say.
Stacey:Hmm. Yes. Hopefully we'll, we'll see what we can dig out of ourselves for you.
Ané:We really don't hold back honestly. We just
Stacey:I really don't.
Ané:it's quite like therapy sessions, not going to lie. Yeah.
Stacey:feel like I can really dive into a topic in a really deep way. So anyway, today, We're going to be talking about finding belonging. And what do you do when you're feeling like you really don't belong? And also when you're feeling really lonely, especially as a business owner, there can be times when you can feel really lonely and what to do about it, how we have overcome it and where we are now with it. And. Yeah, maybe there, there are some things that we could help you with when you feel like you're comparing yourself to other people on social media. And you just not having a very good time of it.
Ané:Yeah. Yeah. I think this is a topic that, well, we were speaking about this before recording about on socials. There's a bit of a topic on people feeling quite lonely this time, this day and age, I'd say. And, you know, not to sort of brag, but we, We've been very blessed. We've been very blessed and grateful to have people that we don't feel loneliness as much anymore. We definitely have, and we've definitely felt like we haven't belonged and we will both give some, you know, some love. Stories on that, I'm sure. But yeah. And like, what did we do like to get to this place of feeling like we are understood by our friends, loved, cared for, not judged, and perhaps there's some keynotes in this where you can apply and, and try it out and hopefully that softens the feeling of loneliness because it's such an interesting time. Like, We can connect with millions, billions of people if we wanted to and yet we are more lonely than ever.
Stacey:Yeah. Yeah. And it's it's so it's so sad in a lot of ways, because we think, okay, well, it's really easy for me to connect, but it's also hotter than ever in some ways. Because socially. It, this structure has changed the way we interact has changed. We don't really. Like the way that I grew up when I was younger is so different to the way that we interact now. Now, Yeah, I can feel really connected to all of my friends. And I have a lot of friends who have never even met in real life. They just online and that's so strange, but it's also not strange. But it's also. Changes the dynamic in a lot of ways.
Ané:Yeah, yeah, and we were saying about this as well, like, especially if you do have a business, or you're a creator, or you do projects, whatever, you sell things, whatever, there can be this bit of a facade, especially in the online business world, of I'm going Kind of this high energy, go, go, go, do as much on your agenda as possible. And one day show it to the internet and then, and then, yeah, I don't know. And sometimes we don't resonate with that at all. If like many times and that in itself can bring loneliness or doubt. Am I doing enough? Am I, you know, not fast enough, whatever. And we wanted to speak on that too, actually.
Stacey:Yeah. Yeah, the M I doing enough feeling really hits, hits hot a lot. And M really makes you feel. Like, not that not enoughness, I'm not, I'm not enough. Because it goes from, I'm not doing enough to, I'm not enough. So it becomes a part of you and you start to feel really inadequate and you sometimes chase your career, sir. HOD. That other parts of your life start to fall away a little bit, and they don't become as important because we're sort of told over and over and over again that we really need to become successful. We need to be successful. And. Success can look. Different. It doesn't have to just be your career. You know, your relationship, success, your success with your family, your success in, you know, I don't know. Other other areas like though, the way that you can cap yourself, the relationship you have with yourself, so many different things that success can show up as that is not really discussed. As much as becoming financially successful.
Ané:Yeah. Yeah. I, I love that. And I think so true because I think certainly, especially on the, on social media, there's all of this sort of highlighted reels highlight of people's lives that were, took a snippet, but we are not being as vulnerable or as open as we should be, I think to really form those. beautiful, deep connections, which, you know, is the antidote to loneliness. So it's, it's a tricky one. I don't really, yeah, I don't really know, like for me, where the tipping point, I guess, was that really changed is I just became really radically honest when I was before COVID or just like when COVID hit, I was like, Damn, I'm feeling quite lonely here. Like I just, I've got friends and I go out all the time and whatever, but it's not fulfilling me whatsoever. There's no depth here. And it was a really hard pill to swallow, but I feel like once I've just like owned that and I was like, you know what? Yeah. Things got to change. I've got to change obviously because I'm attracting terrible people essentially I've got to change my ways and the and the more I was just leaning into that and you know being vulnerable and being a bit like Open to that. The more and more I was, you know, attracting friends that we are friends with. Attracting you. Attracting people in my life now that I'm like, gosh, I don't feel lonely ever. And that just took a lot of courage and consistency to get to that point. So I just think that if you are lonely or you're feeling like that, it's just, it's not to like, be so, you know, You know, shit on yourself and be like, Oh my god, of course I've done this wrong or whatever. It's just being like, Okay, you know what? There's, there's a few things I want to change in my, my ways. And yeah, it just takes a bit of consistency to do that. And eventually you'll see how your reality changes. Yeah.
Stacey:the key thing you said that was courage. It's takes courage sometimes to say to yourself. I remember when I had just started my business, I was probably like 27. And. I was saying to my partner, 1.0, I think I, I just had this full on realization that I really had no friends. And I was like, I was like, what the, what happened? Like what we just became so isolated at some point. And it just was so strange and. You know, we made a vow to really improve that part of our lives, like actively improve it. And when you actively improve it, you do start to attract a different. Experience. And it is something that you can actively work on. It's not like you have to just sit around and wait for it. If you say to yourself, this is something I really want to improve. You'll start to notice yourself interacting differently in different situations. You'll start to notice. People will attract into your life. And because you prioritize and it's important to you. So. I also have this like sort of little segue. Example here. So I was watching this video and a guy said, okay, so. If I were to give you a million dollars today. But. You, you get to keep it all. I will give it back to you. It, but somebody. In your life, like a loved one. Is going to die. We give it back to me. And immediately say to yourself, well, yeah, I'll give the million dollars back to keep that loved one in my life. And he says, and he just put, reframe, he framed it in this way, where it was like, So you would give a million dollars back to have that person in your life. So that, that that's worth a million dollars to you right now. So. If we think about ourselves in terms of being successful. And we think it's certainly financial. If a person is worth a million dollars to you. Are you not a sort of a millionaire in a way. Do you not sort of have the value of a million dollars in a person that is around you? Even if it's just one person that you can call a friend, there's just one person there that, that you. You cherish and care about. Is that not success.
Ané:absolutely. I love that analogy and I love that sort of like perspective change that you brought to the table because you're so right. It brought back to what you said before about like, so many of us, we end up thinking, yeah, I want to, you know, six, seven, eight figure business. And then at what cost? Okay, well, it's losing friends, not going out, not traveling, not enjoying nature, all of these things that really are beneficial for your soul to learn and grow and evolve and you know, and then. Of course you're going to then get the other end of that, of losing yourself, your identity, your soul, and feeling lonely. Because now there's not people that you can lean on. Because you're chasing after this one particular avenue, when there's actually many ways to get there if you really wanted to. And you get to not feel lonely in the process. But it's a bit warped that our Brains and our bodies are trying to kind of counteract the relationship building and I think relationships is such a tricky thing because if you do evolve and if you do grow some of them are gonna like there's so many people that we never had a falling out or anything it's just It just fizzled. It's like, again, energy. It's like the frequency, we just weren't on the same wavelength anymore, literally. And so I feel like that's the same with business as well. Like you're going to try something or you're going to like go into one Ebony thinking this is what your eight figure business thing is going to be. And then it ends up not working out in the process. And then who you're going to lean onto is the real question. And that's where a lot of us can feel a bit lonely and like get closed off.
Stacey:Yeah, I think that that was the mistake that I'd made. Very early on was just to be very one track minded. I imagine it's like, you're seeing a horse running along and he has to blind is on and you're missing everything. You can't see anything except your one goal. And you're missing all the beauty that's running along the track alongside you in the form of. Connections experiences, friendships, different things. Where you have your blinders on and you just think, I just want to courier success at the cost of everything else. I don't feel like that's the real way to get there. I feel like we're missing a lot of the beauty. When we do that and. When it comes back to, if I looped back around back to the idea of feeling loneliness, You know, just think to yourself, am I. Doing that. Am I just being very one-track minded about this and is my loneliness stemming from this place, because I'm just, I just I'm surviving. And I understand that we do go into survival mode a lot when we need to.
Ané:Yeah.
Stacey:And yeah. You know, I've been there. I've been there a lot. But. Are you doing that? Are you doing that thing where you're saying. I just, I need the money more than anything else. And prioritizing that only.
Ané:Yeah, because you're kind of missing the point because you can, you know, go into survival mode and then just completely not lean on support. But then that is, again, digging that hole of loneliness because you're not leaning into the support that really wants to support you. Especially if you have really beautiful relationships and friendships in your life, you know. Sometimes it, it, like again, it takes the courage to be like, hey, yeah, I'm actually really struggling. And I really need some guidance or You know, shoulder to cry on or whatever, rather than many, many people will fall into this facade of like boss bitch energy. Like, you know, I'm, you know, doing this and that and not being really radically honest with themselves and just falling into that because it's easier to just like play a facade and be close minded and close hearted because now you have a wall and no one can get to you then to potentially be open and have, you know, your guard down and, you know, Be disappointed sometimes. I mean, how many times have you leaned, you know, asked for a friend to help you with something or they couldn't do it, but it wasn't because they don't care about you. It's just because it didn't work out or whatever, but that could feel disappointing. And so I just find that in the business world is particularly like, you know, entrepreneurs and stuff, they just they fall into this trap and this facade and you can feel it, I don't know if you notice as well lately, it's like I was actually talking with my friends we were on a walk the other day, it's like they felt like, it's like AI has like taken over their profile and it's just full of chat, chat, chat Oh my god, I can never chat GPT because it's just, all of this is just so robotic. Like where's the authenticity, where's the storyline, where's the vulnerable icky sticky parts, you know? Mm
Stacey:and I love those pots. I love the sticky pots. I feel like that's part of this human experience and. The courage to be human and. Looking at life, not just through this tunnel vision. And having this one track mine. And you know how you were talking about allowing old friendships? Just not, they, they it's only had a breakup, but they, they, they were not matching your frequency. So they weren't on the same level anymore. And I feel like that's part of it too. Like allowing things to go. Because once you allow things to leave your life, new concur, new things can come in. So there's a piece there. Maybe you need to declutter. I'm not saying you can declare to people, you know, but.
Ané:ha ha, kinda can, energetically
Stacey:like. Energetically, you know, declutter some, some energies that aren't feeling right for you, you just, you know, in your heart, you know, in your soul this person is not my person, this person, it doesn't really feel like there's, there's a. An exchange that's right. For me. There
Ané:Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I actually, a little hack that I have been doing now that we're kind of giving like advice or like inside of how we kind of got to this place of having really nurturing and loving relationships is, you know, is that I do a lot of energetic cord cutting. Like I do it at least once a day. It's actually, So many people may think that's so ridiculous, but I find it so helpful for me because it's sort of like a permission for my body and my mind to be like, you can let that go. Like, don't hold on to that because I am very much more of like, sometimes I take other people's responsibilities and accountabilities and I don't, it's not a good trade. And so cord cutting or cleansing people's Any energy off me has been the one thing that I probably will always do because it is I've seen profound like results from it and over time it's not like all of a sudden you wait or sometimes sometimes you do wake up and it's just like oh they just I don't have any thought or there's nothing attached to them but over time I've seen how much like you said once you close that door you declutter. Beautiful other relationships start to flourish or become noticeable and stuff so that's definitely something that I would recommend people do you know even if it's like someone who you would randomly have a thought of and you'd be like that's so random and then you just think about it and then do a cord cutting or whatever oh my gosh it just helps so much soften that resistance and that like energy of like why is this coming up again and you know that sort of storyline
Stacey:your Ana. Energy, your anxieties. It's theirs. And it will pop into your head. Like I'll have this happen with clients. They'll put all that energy and expectation onto me. And I have to do a lot of work to clear it out and not hold it with me all the way through the weekend. And. A worry, worry, worry, worry. I can now really put that away a bit more and not have to hold onto their anxieties and stress
Ané:Yeah,
Stacey:It's not really necessary. I don't even think to hold it in myself that way.
Ané:That's such a, such a good point actually. Yes, client work, client responsibilities. Oh my gosh, cleanse that shit off you guys. Like truly. And like, I adore my clients. Like that's the thing, right? But it's not actually that we have. unaligned clients. It's just that obviously we all sometimes have overthink, anxiety, blah, blah, blah. And we can feel that and we can sense that. And it's actually so unproductive and does not serve either of you guys. So you may as well be the one to cut the cord and to say, see you later. Cause it's not serving, you know, maybe they're leaning for you for support on particular things. Whatever. And yes, like it happens, but yeah, cleansing that really, really does help. And that's something I had to really learn last year was like, this is not mind to carry, it doesn't make them wrong either. It's just that this needs to be released. And sometimes that's all it is. It's like energy just needs to be released somehow. And sometimes our clients, just like us, we don't see it speak, you know, so therefore we should be the ones doing it. Hmm.
Stacey:And like you said, it's not yours to carry and often, yeah. It's really not yours to carry it's it's theirs. It's their shit. Not your shit. And we need to let go of that. And if I'm just looping right back around and you know, how does this all tie into this feeling of not belonging and this feeling of loneliness? I feel like it ties in because it's, what are we allowing into our life? Maybe there's all of this junk that we have not cleared to allow for the new to come in for you. And maybe you're just stuck in that place where there's nothing coming in, but there's nothing leaving. So begin there. If you're saying to yourself, I really don't know where to stop begin with the clearing out. Just to open yourself up to the new that can possibly come in the new connections you can make with people, the new spaces you can go to the new. Ways of being that you can exist in. And just speaking there, don't feel like you have to put a lot of pressure on yourself. Like I must make 10 new friends or, you know, don't do anything like that.
Ané:Yeah, no, that's not gonna be helpful. I must make another 10k this month. Like, that's not gonna be helpful. I, I love that you brought this up. In fact, I actually just shared a little quote today. It said something along the lines of like, in a society that holds onto victimhood, it take, taking radical responsibility is revolutionary. And I, I actually love that little line because You know, I've got compassion for people that have moments of really hard times. Like, that's not what I'm saying. But if you believe that you are the creator of your reality, then it does take a lot of courage and accountability to be like, Hey, you know what? I really want to let go of these friendships or these people. clear my Instagram feed or whatever because I'm actually really open to getting new experiences and love and and relationships and I think like that is it takes yeah it takes a lot of courage to do that and it also brings back to like social media like so many of us we use it the social media uses us but we need to build a relationship to use it you know For us to use it, not it to use us. And that takes a lot to constantly reframe and bring that back into like, okay, am I actually using this in a very you know, fulfilling way? Because yeah, most of the time it is designed to hook us in and follow people or react with people or whatever. That is just not of service whatsoever. Yeah,
Stacey:yourself, how am I using social media currently? Am I using it for really fulfilling connections? And am I learning a lot or am I starting to spiral? Am I going down this feeling I'm comparing myself and then it's making you feel that separation rather than the connection. Is it making you feel. Like, you're not enough compared to everybody else. So. Just be really aware of how you're using social media, because. Because it can be such a place of beautiful connections. You can learn so much. I have learnt so much. My partner got diagnosed with ADHD, from me watching videos and. There's just so much that can be learned and garnered from there, but also it can become a place where you can really start to compare and feel really unworthy. And I'm not as pretty as this person. I'm not earning as much money as this person. I'm not living in the lifestyle that this person is living. I'm not, I'm not over here, but. All you need to do is you need to reverse that and say, okay, well these things, why are these things triggering me? Because I feel like I don't have what they have. Okay. Well, Put them on your vision board. What do you want? Let's let's look at it that way. And let's, let's open up the possibility to you potentially having it to.
Ané:Absolutely. And as you were speaking, it's actually so, it's so simple. Like we're actually just balancing this in between of like lack and gratitude. Like if we're constantly comparing, if we're constantly seeing what everyone else has, if it's like constantly like these highlight at times, you're falling into a mindset of lack and embodiment of lack. And that's not an expensive place to be. And whereas if you, You know, look into the world, you can see how nature is abundant and has so many beautiful moments. And, you know, our friends and, you know, you build into that gratitude space. It's such a much more expansive way to be. And like, you know, taking it back to in COVID times before when I had to be really honest with myself, I had to really learn on Starting to meditate, starting to be in nature more when we could, you know, all of that. What are rules? If you want to know about our rules situation, listen to the podcast, the episode before, because we went on a whole spiel about that. But yeah, I really had to like work on my way of like not being so embedded in these little devices. And it took a lot of time and sometimes we still fall back, but that's okay. You know, like I'll start asking yourself, gosh, I'm feeling lonely. I'm feeling really like. you know, anxiety written or whatever. Okay, it's time to put down the device and go out in nature and you know, build those fulfilling relationships because it's probably the thing that's lacking.
Stacey:Yeah, because if you're feeling lonely, you're probably feeling disconnected. And what you really need is that connection and, you know, say to yourself, how can I connect? Even if all I have is my phone. How can I. Connect with somebody today. Can I send somebody a message? Can I call somebody? Is this somebody that I can just check in with? And you know, it doesn't have to be, Hey, how are you? Just send them a meme or something's in them a video and, you know, Just, just start with it's like the tiniest thing you can begin with. To get yourself out of that place of feeling really lonely. Just stop in, in this small and then start to expand the ways that you connect with people. And, maybe you can I had a creative project with a friend. Maybe you can reach out to them and say, Hey, do you want it? I have this idea. I want to make a video clip, or I want to create a. I don't know. I want to write a short story. Do you want to work on this with me? Or just something that you're doing something creative. So you're creating rather than consuming, because I feel like it's the consuming, consuming portion. We're consuming too much. That's what leads to these feelings of just sinking because. I think as human souls. We need to be creating. And I think that women not creating in some fashion. We tend it. Doesn't feel good because we're not supposed to just be, you know, S sitting on the fire hose with the fire hose fully on blasting us in the face all the time. That's not natural.
Ané:Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. You're, you're kind of digging a hole for yourself of feeling all of these really hard, you know, feelings because of what your soul is really yearning is for you to create, is for you to play, is for you to imagine, is for you to, you know, be in that sort of space rather than constantly comparing, consuming, You know, whatever so totally totally it's it's a good reminder actually that anytime I feel like that Okay, where where am I consuming too much and pull back pull back? Can I create can I reopen that project that I've been wanting to do? Can I you know? write another page of the book or whatever the thing is and Eventually feel like yeah, once you get into that state and that energetic Filled you attract so many beautiful things. I mean, I never ever in a million years thought I would have these beautiful loving relationships, you know when I made the decision to change that. And yeah, I just think that if you are feeling lonely, firstly, Get in contact with us because we have a whole website and you can tell us how you're going and what it is that is feeling really hard for you at the moment. And we would love to help in some way, shape or form, or send you a funny meme or whatever. And yeah, we would, we would love to be there for you guys.
Stacey:Yeah. And just know that you are loved no matter if you think I'm alone right now, I have no one. You are definitely loved. You are definitely loved and yeah. Send us a message. We would love to hear from you. And, you know, even if you're in that space where you're thinking. For example, I don't think that I could ever find a partner. I really would love to have a partner and have a family, and I just don't think that's ever going to happen. That's the belief that's going to become that self fulfilling prophecy. And you're going to hold that belief so strongly that, that that's what the universe is going to deliver for you is because you're saying to yourself, be very careful with your words, because your words can create your reality. I am single. I could never find a partner, stuff like that. Where you say to yourself, I could never. I'm going to be alarmed single forever. Be very careful with your word choices and the thoughts that you have around that, because that's going to create the reality. And that's, that's the reality that you don't prefer. So you really have to craft the reality that you do prefer. And focus on the words that are going to create that reality.
Ané:Absolutely. Period. Put that on a mug. It's a lot of words for a mug, but you can make it work.
Stacey:We can fit it. We can fit it in.
Ané:We can fit it in. For sure. For sure. Absolutely. I loved everything that you said, and it's so valid. Words are spells. That's why it's called spelling. I mean, I say that's why, but I don't actually know if that's why. It makes
Stacey:Well, yeah. We'll put that on a mug for
Ané:Yeah, words are spells, so whatever you say yeah, be careful. Be careful what you wish for. I mean, yeah, there's many times where I have said stuff, didn't think it would come true. And it absolutely has. And I've seen this time and time again. So yeah, and you know, you're, yeah, you can connect with so many people. Okay. Actually, I don't really want to say that. So we'll just call End by there. I'm like, it's done. We've said enough in my, in my, for me.
Stacey:Okay. Cool. Okay, well, thank you so much for listening. We've been, it's been such a pleasure to have you here. Thank you so much. If you'd love to leave us a review on apple podcasts, we would love that we would love to read. What you have to say and just let us know that you exist and that you're listening and that we're not here just yabbering on to ourselves, you know?
Ané:I mean, we love our therapy sessions, our free therapy sessions, but absolutely we'd love a review, a start, whatever you guys would like to do and yeah, get in contact. We'd love to hear from you guys too. As always, thank you for listening.
Stacey:Thank you for listening. Bye.
Ané:Bye.