The universe isn’t waiting for you to be perfect, it’s waiting for you to show up.

Struggling with perfectionism? Us too. It's not just you!

In this episode, we’re diving into how perfectionism shows up in our lives and businesses. It's sneaky and can hold you back from moving forward. We chat about our journey with perfectionism and how it’s been a constant challenge in  business. We cover the fear of not being good enough, the need to have everything just right, and why it’s all an illusion.

I’ll share some tips on how to release the pressure of perfection and embrace the messy, imperfect journey of life and business. You’ll learn how to trust your intuition, find joy in progress over perfection, and reconnect with the bigger picture – because perfectionism is just another way to block the flow of the universe.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• What perfectionism really is and why it’s so common in business
• How to let go of the need to be perfect
• Why trusting your gut and intuition is the key to moving forward
• Simple practices to stop getting stuck in overthinking and procrastination
• How to embrace the magic of being human – flaws and all

Here is the sabotages assesment: https://www.positiveintelligence.com/saboteurs/

You can find Ané and Stacey on Instagram at:

Stacey - @barefootbranding
✦ instagram.com/barefootbranding
🌐 barefootbranding.academy

Ané - @mgmnt__
✦ https://www.instagram.com/mgmnt__/
https://msha.ke/anemgmnt

Visit us here: 🌐 trustingtheuniverseandshit.com
Email us: 📩 hello@trustingtheuniverseandshit.com

Intro music by Tyler Dixon

Transcript

Ane: 0:04

I feel like my cups full and I haven't really had that in my lifetime until now with many people in my life and I can be tired, but I can be so content and so grateful.

Stacey: 0:14

when we're asking for help and we're receiving something from somebody else that's really us tapping into our feminine.

Ane: 0:47

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of trusting the universe and shit as you It is Stacy and I hear

Stacey: 0:56

Hello. Nice to have you back, everyone.

Ane: 1:00

yes. And today we got straight into it. Usually we have a bit of a chit chat beforehand, but we're like, no, let's keep all of our best work on record. And we wanted to talk about. Perfectionism, this sneaky little devil that comes up with controlling outcomes, controlling, you know, your, I don't know how to start day to day, but sort of just like you have this vision of something that you really wanted to go this way. And then how it's actually detriment to other little blessings that can come along the way. So I feel like me, both Satan, I've done a lot of work on this, but it still comes up, doesn't it? And we still have to face that. A little controlling freak. How do you, how do you deal with it, Stace? And like, yeah, tell us a little bit how it comes up for you.

Stacey: 1:50

Okay. So I'll just tell this little story about what I'm doing currently. So I'm moving into a new office and I'm renovating the office because it's in a really old house. And so all last night, I, I was, so I've been watching YouTube videos on how to do all this stuff, like ripping out the carpets, painting the walls. And I've been watching so many YouTube videos and you just think like you watch it and you think. Yeah. I could do all that I can, but things come up along the way that you don't. That surprise you. And you don't realize. So last night I started cutting out all the carpets. Out of this room. And it took me about five hours. And, you know, I had all these like tips and hacks and one of the hacks was like to cut into the carpet as after you've rolled it up to tuck it into itself so that when you take it away, It's like all done and it was so difficult. And the guy on the video makes it look so easy and you just think I could do that. And then you try and do it in real life. And it's really difficult. And then I had to scrape those, all this black sticky stuff under the underlay that took me one spot, took me an hour and I was like hand scraping it. So last night when I went to bed, my hands were a king from these little surprises that were underneath the carpet. And I feel like that's a good metaphor because it's like, when you peel back, what's on the top. There are things underneath that you can't see sometimes. So when you're doing something or you want something to go a certain way, like you're like, I'm going to be so prepared. I got all the right tools off all the. Stuff that people recommended and you think. I'm going to be. This is going to be sorry. Easy to do. And then you go to do it. It's really not because it's just things that you. Haven't foreseen. Like I was taking off the trim. You not the bottom of your. Of your room. The first one I took off snapped in half. I was like, oh, this is going to be hotter than I thought it was. And I was like, yeah, I'll just, I can just take that off with my Stanley knife that the guy told me to buy. And. And immediately. Snapped in half and I thought, oh, damn it. And yeah, there's just going to be all of these unforeseen things. And I think, especially in the building industry, budgets blow out all the time for unforeseen things and you know what the government. They will do these super mega highways and the budgets always blow out. And there are always unforeseen things. And so for us to be under this, like, you know, we're kind of delusional and we think. Yeah, it's going to cost this all. We think it's going to take this much time. When rarely does it. So it's always takes longer than you think, and you think I'm going to do it perfectly, and it's going to be from this time to this time, and it's going to cost this much. And.

Ane: 4:37

Yeah.

Stacey: 4:38

It's just so rare to be the case.

Ane: 4:41

Yeah. Yes. I love that you like use the carpet kind of a metaphor of business and sort of the budget thing. Cause I hear that all the time. Like you were like, okay, I'm going to spend 50 K or whatever on Furnishing their house or whatever. And it ends up being like double or something. And yeah, it's, it's just so crazy. And we've spoken about this before, but sometimes it's like, you really do just have to be in it to then learn from it and then move new ways in how you're wanting to do that thing. And so, you know, for me, what I've been like really. working on was like the control element. I mean, it's my birthday tomorrow and I had a bit of a barbecue over the weekend and you know, we prepped and all the things the night before and I just woke up in frantic, like frank, Frantic. I don't, you know what the word is. The morning. Yeah. The morning of, cause I was just like, Oh my God, I got to do this and that. And I actually have to, like, I had to really like center myself and be like an eight. This is a pattern that happens in your family because I've seen this, I'm done again with my family and I love them to death, but it's like they're so excited to host and then it's like not fun for anyone because everyone just has a little control freak going on. Anyways, and I literally just had to like have a pep talk and be like, Whatever goes wrong, goes wrong. And whatever goes right, goes right. Like stop trying to control every little bit because you just simply cannot. And the more you can just surrender into the, the, the funnest, the, the, the lessons, then the more you actually going to enjoy it. And I, It was so nice to just have that moment for me to do this. But what I have noticed now that my birth is coming up is like. Gosh, it's happening so much. Like I'm actually a control freak and I'm actually a little bit of a perfectionist. And I knew, I knew this about me, the perfectionist thing, because that came up a lot, the start of business as you know, as you know, like that devil situation coming in that level of like. Oh, I'm not showing up because it's not perfect. Oh, I'm not posting because, and so I've worked on that pace, but then there's the perfectionist still comes out and my friends and my family and hosting, and I don't know, like trying to put this facade on. And I just think that the quicker we can just be aware of it. Give compassion to it and then try and move differently the quicker we can resolve it really because it's, it's not until you're actually in it to then dissolve it, you know?

Stacey: 7:06

It becomes so stressful too, because you're trying to get everything done a certain way and you want it to be a certain way. And I don't think there's anything really wrong with wanting. A certain thing, like maybe you're really inspired. So I have hosted a baby shower a couple of weekends ago. And I just kept thinking of things that I wanted to do. And. But you only have so much resources within yourself and so much time money bandwidth to give to something. And it honestly wiped me out the whole next day I was completely wiped out and then it just, yeah, that whole week I was kind of just, it took me a little while to get back to baseline back to normal. And I feel like sometimes we have to think about like how much. Energy and effort in. Am I putting into this? Compared to how much I should be in, what should I be letting go? What should I let go of? You're trying to, over-deliver, you're trying to make everything really special and. That's one of the things that one of my friends said to me, lots, he said, You know, you really just make people feel really special. But I was reflecting on that and I was like, Yeah, but. Does that come in at a cost to me, is that coming at some kind of cost to me to. Be over. Expanding myself, trying to make other people feel special. And yeah, it was a lot of the time. And this was one of the friends who they were making a cacao in my apartment. And they were hand-making it at that stage. And it was, it completely went on every single surface in my house, this Cypress fine dusting of like cacao powder. It was on every single surface of the house and I'm like, sure, you can make a cow in my house. It's fine. And, you know, I would just. There's there's a part of like people pleasing this, a pot of perfectionism as a part of Yeah. I don't know what, what the third thing thing was what I

Ane: 9:05

Evening or? Yeah.

Stacey: 9:07

But there can be different reasons why we, we do these things. And it's important to reflect on. Why am I overdoing this? Am I trying to make. Somebody else who really happy, which can be part of it too, which is totally valid, right? Like you want to host a barbecue for your friends. You want to host an event. I've always loved hosting events to you. You know, growing up. We will always the house, our house in the family house was the house that we hosted a lot of events. And before, when my poeple was still alive, my grandmother. We would always go there and then after she passed it kind of. Our house was one of the houses that we hosted a lot of ants at because we had the space in the room, in the backyard to do it. So. It's like a combination of factors of why are we. Doing this and. Is it coming at a cost to my own. Bandwidth my own emotional output. My energy levels. Because I've definitely over done it on so many occasions.

Ane: 10:15

Yeah. same. And, but it's, it's a tricky thing to kind of confront because of course when you. Give so much energy, you, the pendulum swings and you are going to be a little depleted. And it doesn't mean that it's bad people that you're around, like, you know what I mean? Like you can, anyone's going to feel depleted after

Stacey: 10:34

Hmm.

Ane: 10:35

giving a lot. And it doesn't mean it's because it's It's the wrong people. It's just that that's the energy that was exchanged. So it's a hard one, but I think the differences is, is it just depletion or is it actually like your cups not full and that happened over the weekend, I was saying to her, like some of my friends, like, I feel like my cups full and I haven't really had that in my lifetime until now with many people in my life and I can be tired, but I can be so content and so grateful. And I think that's the beautiful thing. Or I can be. mucking up with by not, you know, getting fed up for the salad over the weekend and my friend go getting it for me. And I'm not feeling bad for it. You know, I'm not feeling bad for, I'm like, okay, well obviously my bad, but no one is like holding it against me. No one is mocking me. No, like, whereas previous people would have done that. Right. And I think that's the sort of differentiation. And it's nice when you have support system where. knowing to not be so in control over things doesn't mean I'm not going to be a good host or anything and it's not going to be the hold against me, you know, so I just think, yeah, I don't know, I think that helps you deplete those old habits and old ways when you have a really good support system that can like be like, Oh, you silly goose and move on, you know what I mean? Like who cares?

Stacey: 11:49

I think it's really interesting that you're talking about, you know, whether your cup is full. So doing all these things. Is like a special interest of mine sometimes. So I do feel. Like so happy and I feel so fulfilled doing it, but at the same time, energetically the energy exchange. I feel so tired because I've done so much and I haven't. Being able to sometimes get enough help with certain things. And like you said, like, can I get someone else to go pick up that, that one thing. And it's like asking for help can be quite difficult sometimes because when you become really hyper independent, I'm very hyper independent. You know, That's a story for another day, but when you're really hyper independent, And you don't really want to ask for help. You want to just like try and do everything. It can really be detrimental, even though you're feeling really fulfilled and you feel like, yeah, my cups are really full, but it's also like you've gone over your limits. You've gone a little bit too far beyond what maybe you could have asked a few. Friends to help with certain things like you, maybe didn't have to do every single thing that you did. And. I feel like that, that there is a, there's like a line for everybody of like how much you can give. Maybe you can give more than others. Maybe you can give less than others. And I saw this meme once it was something like your hundred percent today might be your 40%. That you gave yesterday, but it's still, you're a hundred percent. So if you gave what you felt like was 40% today, it wasn't 40%. It was a hundred. Because that's all you had to give on that day.

Ane: 13:31

I love that. So true though, because like, and I think that's the, that hype independence can, even though we're so aware of it, it can still come up all the time. And I think for us, like, cause we've been around people where they have taken so much and then give back. We're like, We are so aware to not be that type of person, but then where is the limit of always giving and not getting anything in return? So for us, it is really important to practice asking for help. And that was something that really I had to work on my pride for when the whole robbery thing happened. Cause I really needed some support around me, like for resources, like money, for like, just like emotional support, you know? And so, I had to really hold myself through that because I was like, fuck, this is hard to do when you've been so independent your whole life, or you've been, you've asked for help and it's been disappointed with or whatever this like the old memories have been. It was like such a hard moment to, you know, work through. But I think again, like if you want to have those really good people in your life, and unfortunately, you're not going to know until. You ask for help and you're disappointed or, you know, it's not received in a really good way. Like, unfortunately, that's just how life goes, but once you have that really good support system and you ask for help and it's received really well, it's like, I don't know. It's like that exhale that you can have, you know, like, Oh, okay. I'm not, I'm not a burden for asking.

Stacey: 14:56

So I think what we need to be aware of there is when we're asking for help and we taking in. Something from somebody else and where in receive a ship of that. So we're receiving something from somebody else that's really us tapping into our feminine. And that is when I started to shift and learn that I can't just give, I have to learn to receive as well. So this can come up for people when you can't receive a compliment, when someone compliments you and you just like, no, no, no, you shrug it off. Or, someone says, oh, could I help you out with that? And you're like, no, no, no, I can do it. I can do it. So an example is I'm going to be moving. House in a couple of weeks. And a lot of friends have been like, oh yeah, I can come and help you out. I've been practicing saying yes. Thank you. That would be great rather than no, no, no, I've got it. It's fine. And then just trying to do so much all by myself for no reason. You know, and. Sometimes, you know how you love helping people. You love giving gifts and we love helping people, but we don't want to receive it back for some reason. It's it there's like no balance there. So I feel like for me to learn, to receive. E's equal to me giving. I feel like it should be an equal give and receive.

Ane: 16:09

yes, I'm so glad you brought that up because Yeah. I guess for us, we were too in a masculine, we were overdoing and over independently, but like us asking for help is actually going to be, and receiving it is actually going to be. Service for both ends for the masculine and for, you know, the feminine and it just, it just takes practice and time and intentionality to do that. Hey, like I remember when I would get compliments when I was really young and I would always think of myself. There must be lying like. You know, like, and it's so mean, like, to myself, that's so mean. I wasn't, I wasn't saying, oh, you're lying in my face, like, not at all. But it was a moment for me to be like, why am I thinking that? Like, that is so silly, you know? And Yeah. I love that equal return of like giving and taking and receiving. It's this kind of flow, the feminine, the yin and yang. And. It's not always going to be 50, 50. Sometimes it's a little bit of 30, but then you notice it and you change your pattern again. And it kind of is like this beautiful flow. So I love that. I mean, for me right now, I think I'm very much, I think the universe is literally being like pushing me into the feminine right now to like, be like, ask for help and just take this compliment and all the things fair enough. Because for the last, how many years I was very in like. Masculinely driven. So it's just fair that the pendulum is swinging and just being aware of like the thoughts that come with that to just dissolve it. Like, I think that's another thing. It's like, we're in these moments of evolution. So it's like, okay, you're being kind of tested or like put in this way. And you also shift your mindset and the internal Dialogue that's coming with that, right? Like I mentioned it, when I would get a compliment, I wouldn't actually receive it because I would be like, Oh, there must be a line. It's the same thing now. Am I, when I'm asking for a lot for, for support or whatever, am I making it mean anything that I'm inadequate or that I am, you know, so stupid or whatever the story is, can I dissolve that? Because I was watching this video the other day and it said, all of those negative emotions or low frequency, like shame, like guilt, like all of that. It's still all coming from love. It's just asking for a different element. So like shame is like forgiveness. Guilt is like acceptance. Like it's all asking the opposite of that so that we can still come back to love. And I just, I love that because I was like, it's so true. We, we don't have to make these bad emotions mean anything. It's just a moment for us to respond differently.

Stacey: 18:46

Yeah, it's the body's way of sometimes asking for us to communicate with it, to. Cause it's like, Hey, I'm feeling like this way. Could you communicate? And sometimes we block it. And sometimes, we fall into the hyper masculine of wanting to do everything coming from a hyper independence place. And just a quick side note on that. If you wanted to, I'll leave a link in the notes below. If you want to find out what your saboteurs are, you will have like a top three or four. And this was something I worked through with a coach. Years ago to see what was sabotaging me. The most of mine was hyper independence was at the top. And it, yeah, these behaviors can really sabotage you because they block you from doing things. And one thought that I had about hyper independence was something that I would never do was to collaborate with people like we are on this podcast. And I was always like, I had to have to do everything myself, but it was a really sabotaging behavior. And then, so once I started moving through that, it was like, Hey, how could I collaborate with people and work with people? In order to create really good work. And that really helped me to get over that pot of. Hyper independence. But I'll leave the link in the show in the show notes, it's called something like. Actually can't remember off the top of my head, but I'll leave the link. If you want to take that test, it's free. And you can see what your top sabotages are.

Ane: 20:17

I love that. Yes. How good. I want to take it. I want to take

Stacey: 20:20

Yeah, it's really good.

Ane: 20:22

Yeah. I have done like what do you call them? Like the archetypes I've done archetypes before, but just to even get. Very specific, I think is great. And I'm sure like over years, I kind of shift, right? Like I'm sure that now, obviously now that you can do collabs and stuff, that's not really a sabotage because you're aware of it. So then maybe it might be something else right now. So I wonder if it will shift over the years, you know, cause it's not really like a personality test. Like this is only one element of your personality personality test will probably stay roughly the same because. it's your personality, but this is just one element of it. So, yeah, I'm excited. That would be really good to do. Yeah. And again, like,

Stacey: 21:02

Yeah.

Ane: 21:03

yeah, you go.

Stacey: 21:04

It's just really interesting to see is to see it and then to see how one interacts with the other. So another one can be, for example, hypervigilance. So you can be hypervigilant and worrying all the time. That can be another one that can come up and there's maybe like up to 12, but just have a look at what your top three or four.

Ane: 21:24

Hmm. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Yeah. So if you guys are feeling like you are a bit of a control freak, a bit of a perfectionist, you're not alone. I think there's more of us than we'd like to admit, but the first, the first You know, level of that is just to accept it and be aware of it. And when you do fall into it, which is very normal, just come back to love, come back to compassion for yourself on, okay, how can I just tiny bit shift this? So, you know, if you're hosting or whatever, and you're knowing that you're being already worried, or you're scared that this and that, can you just. Breathe into that. Surrender that feeling. And then, you know, ask for help. Maybe that's what your body wants. Ask for help. Can you get someone to support you? Or maybe it's that you need to go take a shower. I don't know, but just to go and, you know, bring yourself back to your center is the only way that we can be friends with those elements of us.

Stacey: 22:21

Yeah. Make friends. Yeah. Make friends with old pots of you and don't shame yourself for being a certain way. But I think it's just a nice to know why we do what we do sometimes, because then we can start to be aware of it and we can start to change the things that we don't prefer.

Ane: 22:36

Mm. Totally. Totally. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed this. Please, please leave us review you guys. It helps us tremendously. We are really up in the works to get some new guests on. And the only way that we can get some big guests is if we have some reviews, some stars. So Yeah. it will really help us.

Stacey: 22:56

Yes. Thank you so much. If he could spend. You know, just a couple of minutes leaving us a review. We would absolutely adore you. And thank you so much for listening and yeah, we'll see you. on the next episode.

Ane: 23:10

Bye.