Hi, this is Carolyn and I'm here with Erin and we are really excited to have Christine here from the tennis mine. She coaches tennis players on the mental game.

She's a local league coordinator, She's a four oh tennis player, so she's out in the trenches and understands what it's like to be out in the trenches. Um, but Christine, thank you so much for being here tonight. And the first question is, can you tell us a little bit about your background and why you started coaching tennis players on their mental game?

Well, thanks for having me first of all. I'm super excited to be here. You guys have been amazing and um, Erin actually was my very first. Opponent when I moved here to North Carolina in December. So it was, I thought that was match. Yeah, my very first match. So, and she made me terribly . No, that is not the true, she's very good

But I got into life coaching, leadership coaching, oh gosh, probably about 20 years ago and got certified. It's, uh, George Washington University in DC when I lived there. And I learned a lot of theory, but I never really did anything with it. I became a teacher and a principal. I did all sorts of other things.

So I was able to integrate some of these skills, but never really had any specific tools. And so a few years ago I decided I want to pursue life coaching again. So I, I found a place I wanted to re-certify and kinda brush up on my skills. And this place that was, that I got certified was amazing because they actually provided me with tools that I could use and teach others.

And so I've been able to not only coach others in anything, because I don't need to be the expert. I just need to know the questions to ask, to actually get people noticing what thoughts that they have. And that's really what it's all about. So I coach myself. It has been absolutely life changing for me in all areas of my life.

And I've really noticed it in tennis. And I've actually had a lot of people when I was doing coaching with other people saying, You should coach tennis players. And I'm like, Oh, I don't know. That seems weird. But suddenly I started doing it because I love it because I relate to them and I have struggled with the mental game in all different sports throughout my whole life.

And so being in the trenches with those people, I, I get it. I struggle every day just like everyone else because I have a human brain. And so now I'm just decided to put my focus on coaching tennis players, and I am loving it. I'm loving every minute of it. So that's where I'm at. Right. Yeah. And it's so funny cuz I'm sure there's a million books written on the subject, um, and studies done.

But I think what's known is that a lot of us have the same skills, but the differences in our tennis games often are mental. Right? Absolutely. So you could be the sa you know, we could be exactly the same skillset, but if you think differently than I think, or like you and I did a, I know this is jumping ahead, but, um, we all did a little session with you, Carolyn and I each did a little session with you and, um, one of the things I think I told you was in singles for some reason I walk out on the court and I'm like, Oh, I might have a good match.

I not sure if I'll win or lose. I'm gonna try my best, you know, sort of thing. And I think your question to me was like, why don't you feel like you belong there? Like you are the same level as everybody. And so from then on most of my singles matches, I still have to remind myself most of my singles matches.

I I literally say to myself in my brain, I am supposed to be here. Like, this is my level. I deserve to be here. I know I can win. And before it was just like, I'm not really sure, you know, it's just kind of unsure stepping on the court. So that's awesome. Like I said, and that's such a huge shift. Yeah, it's a big shift that one little it's, but it's tiny, but it's, but it, it makes a shift One, yeah.

One little shift in your thought. Can, can just change the, change everything about your tennis. And that's really what I try and teach people is it's not about having this amazing, you know, oh, I've gotta think all these perfect thoughts, but it's just a lot of recognition and just becoming aware of what you're thinking and then decide is that really true or not?

You know, I'm a four, oh I belong here, or, or whatever. Whatever your thoughts are. Good job. Thank you. Good job to you . Um, so are there com have you heard common issues from adult rec players? Like, are there, you know, does it seem like a lot of people have the same issues or are they all over the board?

Well, it's funny because. You know, a lot of times people come to me with specific issues, but what I notice more is when I'm out among everyone and I'm playing and I see a very, a couple of really common threats that I see. One of 'em a lot of times is, Oh, I practice well and I do drills well, and I do everything right when I'm with my teaching pro.

But then I get into a match and it, it all just goes away and I get tight and I start to choke and then I can't perform. And they're so frustrated because they think, what's the difference? You know, why, why can I do so well in practice? Or it drills, but then I get into a match where it matters and suddenly I can't perform.

And really, if you really break it down and look at it, you're literally hitting a tennis ball over a net back and forth in practice or in a match. It doesn't matter where you're performing that, but it's the exact same circumstance in either way. The only difference is what our thoughts are about it. So let's say we get into a match, maybe it's a playoff, you know, to go to the championships or you're getting ready to go to states or sectionals or just a regular local league match.

And suddenly the thoughts kind of seep in of, well, I don't wanna let let anyone down, or I don't want to, uh, disappoint anyone. I don't wanna let my partner down. That's a very common one in doubles. Or, I don't wanna let my team down. It's we're two and two and ire the deciding line. All of a sudden all this stuff comes into our head, or other things like, I don't wanna lose and feel stupid, or I don't wanna feel embarrassed.

You know, all of those things come in and suddenly we feel pressure. So it's not that, it's the circumstance of playing in a playoff match that is pressure. It's our thoughts. And so when you're practicing, there's no pressure ever really, I mean, unless. Your co your captain or your coaches, they're watching you and judging you or whatever, but that's typically what happening.

Yeah. , it's a tryout and you don't know it Exactly right, Carolyn? So, Yes. Yes. And I've heard that that happens. . Yes. So it's about really recognizing what your thoughts are, because you're creating your pressure. People will come off and say, Oh, well I just felt so much pressure that's on you. That's because of your thoughts, right?

So I help people recognize what they're thinking in practice, in drills, in matches. Then they get to decide if they wanna keep those thoughts or if they wanna create better thoughts for themselves. So that's one thing that I see that's very common is the practice versus the real game mentality. And, and it just shows that we, you're doing the same thing.

It's just your, your thoughts shift. So that's one big thing. The other one I see a lot of is people want to, when you're struggling in a match or, um, you're not playing your best, we all want to blame something. And so it's easy to wanna go outside ourselves and say, Well, you know, doubles players, Oh, well, if my partner would pick it up and play we, or, you know, then we could win.

A big one I hear a lot is, is if only my opponent would give me the right ball so that I can hit it. How often do you hear, Oh, they didn't have any pace on the ball, therefore I couldn't play my game. Yes. Well, what opponent wants to give you a ball that you wanna hit? You know, so, or they talk about the weather, you know, Oh, it was so windy.

I, you know, I couldn't hit my ball because it's windy. Or the suns in my eyes, or there's a bug. And actually the bug is my thing. Because when I was in Texas, I had no idea I had a total phobia of crickets. And in the fall, there was about six weeks when the weather just starts to turn that the crickets at night, they swarm the light.

And they dive bomb onto the court. And it's crazy. There'll be hundreds of crickets on the court. Well, I'm out there playing with my husband and we're in a, we're in a match playing mixed. All of a sudden all these bugs start coming and I freak out. I mean, I'm like, I can't, I mean, I was having a panic attack.

I couldn't handle it. And so it's, it's been a long standing joke cuz that was like 15 years ago. People still, Oh, there's a cricket, Christine, and I'm out. I'm bolting even if it's one. So that's one thing I still need to work on is getting over my mentality of the bugs. But whatever it is, when you're looking outside yourself, you're handing over your control.

You're, you become powerless because you can't control anything outside yourself. So it's best to take full responsibility for how you're playing, no matter how your opponent's hitting, no matter how your partner's hitting. And it doesn't mean you're taking full responsibility of your win or your loss, but you're taking responsibility of yourself.

And so then you don't have to feel so frustrated cuz when you're frustrated, then you're gonna wanna over hit, you're gonna give up or you're gonna get angry and maybe say something that you regret or create tension and those things don't help you win a match. So it's keeping that responsibility within yourself and saying, What can I do?

My partner's struggling right now, so how can I help my partner? Or how can I show up in my best way and be supportive? Or my opponent is a, is a total pusher and I wish that she would just hit the ball harder so I can play better. No, what can I do to create the pace that I want for my game? You know, it's taking that responsibility back.

It gives you so much more, uh, control. You feel more empowered and then you tend to play better. So it's hard to do in the moment. I mean, I get frustrated just like everybody else, but it's a good reminder. So those are two common things that I see quite a bit when I'm on the court, when I'm competing and then when I'm also talking to, to clients as well.

So, Oh, that's fantastic. Um, a few. Yeah, it's really good. Do you have a few, I know there's a lot, and this is a short conversation for a very large topic, but do you have a few tips for the mental game? Yeah, I would say we all have human brains, like I mentioned before, and our higher brain is our prefrontal cortex.

And it's really full of ideas. It's creative. It's, I wonder, you know, full of possibility. It's the one that thinks I can do this. I'm up for the challenge I wanna play. And that's the fun part. You know, we get excited, we get up for stuff we, we wanna challenge ourself, and then we've got our lower brain who, it's kind of from the old days of, you know, protecting you from being eaten by an animal.

You know, it's, it senses danger. And so then it's gonna be chirping in your ear. And so you've got these two brains kind of battling each other. And so when you got onto the tennis court, you have your higher brain who's like, Yeah, I'm up for the challenge. I can do this. It's gonna be great. And then your lower brain is saying, But what if you lose?

Well, what if you feel embarrassed? What if you look stupid? You know, what if you let your, your, your partner down, or yourself down, or your team down? And those doubts start to creep in. And so there's two brains kind of fighting against each other, and they're both always gonna be there. That's the thing is I still battle those little, that lower brain all the time as well.

But I get to decide because I have that recognition now, so I can decide which brain do I wanna listen to today? You know, do I wanna fall into the trap of, Oh, you're not good enough, you can't do it, Or do I wanna step up and say, I'm gonna give it my, I'm gonna give it the best that I've got. So it's, that's one thing I teach my clients how to do, is to recognize who's talking to them.

And then he helping them make a decision on which brain they wanna listen to, because they're both gonna be there. And sometimes when those doubts creep in and that lower brain is talking to, It's easy to think, Oh no, see, I can't do it. I can't do it cuz you wanna believe them cause they've been there the whole, your whole life trying to protect you.

And so thank you, thank you little low brain for trying to protect me, but I don't need you. I'm gonna be just fine. You know? So that's, that's one thing is recognizing the higher and lower brain activity and um, making a conscious decision to go with the higher brain when you can, you know, But it's not always easy and sometimes you just jump off the cliff and you're just gonna have a bad match and a bad day and it's okay.

So another thing that's, and I think this is so critical, is heavy. We all say, Oh, if I could just get a couple wins under my belt, then I'll feel confident. You know, how many times have you heard that in your life? And really the result doesn't ever create confidence. Never confidence creates the result.

And so it's all about going in with confidence before the match. And then the other thing is people think that confidence is, Oh, I can win and I'm the best and I'm gonna, you know, I'll never lose and whatever. That's not it at all. Self-confidence is just knowing you can handle anything that comes your way.

So if you go into any match you play, whether you're playing up or you're playing your level or you're playing down or whatever, going into that match saying, I know I'm gonna be okay no matter what. I can face anything because I've already done it all. I've felt embarrassed before. I've felt ashamed, I've felt stupid.

We've all survived that. Does it feel good? No. But we will survive that so I can go into a match. So I decide ahead of time, I'm gonna go in with confidence that I'm gonna be okay. So if I lose 6 0 6, oh, I'll be disappointed, but I'm still gonna be just fine. And it helps you to relax and know that I don't have to win.

Now of course you're fighting to win and you wanna win and you're gonna give it your all. But how many times do we show up with our A game? You know, we don't get to have our A game all the time, so sometimes you gotta win ugly or you're gonna lose ugly. That's usually the worst, worst option. , but Right, And it's just what happens sometimes it's just gonna happen.

I had one of those a few weeks ago, and I come off and I'm like, darn the difference between me now and what I used to be, because I used to put so much emphasis on my self-worth and my self-confidence of, of, you know, if I'm winning then I'm worthy or whatever, you know? Now I don't make winning or losing me anything.

It's nothing about me. It's just how I showed up and how I played that match. It's who my opponent was. I lost a match recently, one and oh, in a singles match. I was playing up and she, it was a great singles match. I really didn't even feel like I played that badly, but she just was doing everything a little bit better and I just wasn't able to get in the match and win the points.

And I had lots of break points. I had lots of, um, due games. I couldn't win the points to get the, to get the games. And so the score looked terrible and I got off the court and I'm, I'm just like, How did that happen? I'm not sure. And I'm sure if we played again, we might have a better score. I could win.

Maybe she'll beat me again. But I, it's coming off the court no matter what happens and saying, Hey, this doesn't change anything about me. It's literally just a tennis match and then continuing to go on and, because what, what will happen is when you go in with that self-confidence, you're gonna win a lot more matches.

It, it's insane how that shifts instead of depending on the wins, in order to feel confident so you can win more. Just decide that you're gonna be confident. And that's, that's something else I help my, my clients with because they think, Well, I don't know how to feel confident or I don't, I don't think I can do that.

Everybody can do it and I can teach you how.  That's really good. And I had mentioned to you about, um, bad line calls at some point, how, you know, I don't have it in control over what the opponent calls, because sometimes I go to kind of a, not, not outwardly, but inside go to a very dark place when someone makes a, a couple line calls that I don't think are correct.

Um, and that I remember you telling me it's outside of my control. I can't, I can't control what they call, so I needed to take responsibility for how I'm feeling. I can't control them. Well, and the other thing with that specifically is that, you know, does it change how you feel or change your feel, your anger?

If you thinking they're doing the best they can and they just didn't see it, you know, they didn't see it the same as you, or they're trying to cheat you and steal and take and, and win the game by being a cheater. You know, when you think about those, those are just two completely different thoughts that if you think one way it's enraging, it's a justice issue, you've gotta make that right.

That's not fair. Or they're doing the best they can and you know, they're trying to be fair. And most of the time people are trying to be fair. They don't, aren't malicious about their line calls. Every now and then, you're gonna come across someone who is trying to cheat and that's okay to you. There's not much you can do about that.

But yes, it's just coming back to what can I control? And because if you get angry and then that affects how you play, then you're essentially handing over the match and saying, All right, you can have it now because I'm mad at you. You know, It doesn't, it doesn't serve you at all, But it's hard. It, believe me, I've dealt with that plenty too.

So . Yeah, it is hard. It's very hard. . Yeah, . And one, one last tip that I have is, To come into the match with one thought, ready to go. Because a lot of times, you know, almost every match I have, I'm gonna have a low point or I'm struggling. Either I'm losing or I'm not playing my best, or I need to refocus. And so for me, it's very, very simple.

It's about bringing everything back to just this simplicity of why I'm out there. And I'll literally look at the ball whether I'm getting ready to serve or I'm watching my opponent serve and I watch her toss the ball and I'll look at the ball and I'll say, I get to hit this ball. Wow, how fun is that?

That's it. That's what I tell myself when I'm struggling, when I'm losing, when I'm not playing my best. And I get back to why I'm out there, which is to hit the yellow ball across the net. And when you get that basic, it's hard to take it that seriously because it's like I'm hitting a yellow ball, you know?

So then I can relax my body and I take a deep breath and I can literally feel my body relaxing. And I may not win. It may not change anything, but at least it kind of helps me reset and get back to where I'm enjoying the match because I now enjoy my matches. Whether I win or lose, it doesn't, The, the win is also, it's really fun, but it doesn't have to happen in order for me to enjoy the match.

So those would be the three things, you know, kind of recognizing your higher brain versus your lower brain, deciding which one you wanna, uh, listen to, and then having the self confidence going into the match. Not waiting until you win. To think you're to, to think you're able to have confidence, but going in before knowing you're gonna be okay no matter what.

And then going in with a thought that, that you believe, you can't just go in with something that says, Okay, I'm gonna beat them no matter what. You know, you have to have a thought that you believe, cuz if you don't believe it, it's just gonna fall. It's, it's gonna fall flattened. It's not gonna help you.

So those would be three tips I would give for, for players. . And that all sounds to me like all of those are just prep work, mental prep work before you go into it. Mm-hmm.  and I would be someone that would write that on a card and probably bring it out right before and just, you know, like, or, or in a changeover, cuz we know matches change from not only game to game, but like point to point and set to set.

Right. So I would be that person that would, and I used to have little, um, when I was a two five, I had things like, you know, remember to brush up on the ball or like the technique kind of stuff. Mm-hmm. . But now that I've played forever and I have the techniques, it's the mental stuff. So I would write those on a card and like read 'em either, but right before a match or during the match if things are going south, you know, that's such a great idea because when you get in the heat of the moment, and we all get in the weeds of our own brain, you know, I even have a coach.

I know this stuff inside and out, and I recognize my higher brain and my lower brain and all of that, and I know how to teach it, but sometimes I'm so entrenched in it that I kind of lose it and I think I can't recover from this. What am I gonna do? I have a coach that can help me get out of the weeds of my own life, you know, whatever it is.

Whether it's on the court or off the court. And so that's where I can be helpful is that, you know, it's, it's like, it's so simple. I just need to change this thought. It's not always that simple. It is that simple, but it's not always that easy because it, it's hard when you, when you're believing something and you're in the middle of a match and you've missed, you know, you've double faulted a whole game away.

You're thinking, I don't have a serve. Where did it go? I can't get it back. You know, those, those are in the moment. Sometimes it just feels very hard to get out of that. But it is just a matter of shifting that, that thought work and, uh, it's, it's just, it's so important. And I think having those, those cards is a, that's a great way to just remind yourself.

It's kind of like your little coach while you're on the, you know, on the bench sitting, you know, during the changeovers. . 

 So Christine, I love that the way you do this because you coached Erin and I, and you coach us as individuals and then as partners. And I think that's great that you do this. Can you talk a little bit about how you coach players? Yeah. I actually have a bunch of different packages that I offer and it, while, you know, I, I coach individuals, doubles, partners, whole groups, and then teams.

And while each of 'em are a unique experience, I teach the same thought tools and for everybody. So whether you come to me as an individual or a doubles pair or a team, I'm gonna teach you those skills to self coach because I really think it's important that you're not dependent on me. That you're not thinking, Oh, I need Christine because I'm losing it.

They're gonna be times when you're in the weeds and you may need, you know, I need a session because I'm struggling to find my way out of this. Totally get that. But day in and day out, I want you guys to feel empowered. I want my clients to feel empowered, to be able to make their own thought changes in the moment or before, after a match.

And so what's important for me is teaching those skills no matter which, no matter how I teach it, no matter what the package looks like. So with individuals, they tend to come to me when they're in a rut or maybe they've lost the joy of the game. You know, they're struggling. They're like, This just isn't fun for me anymore.

I don't know why I'm frustrated all the time. You know, I work with them personally and help them kind of work through the thoughts that they're having and how can I help them see that, you know, tennis can be so fun all the time, no matter what, you know, and help them figure out why they're struggling.

So, and those packages can range from just, you know, range from three to 10 sessions or more, or can be long term, short term. I work, I'm very flexible about those. And then for the doubles partnerships, those are fun because you're working with two people and kind of helping them gel together. And I have what I call a mini package for them, and it's just three sessions.

I do one, and this is what you guys experience. So you, I did one personally, a private session with each one of you. And then we come together and have one session as a team, and that's where we work on strategies and, and kind of sharing each other's thoughts and becoming more aware of how each of you are thinking so that you can help and you can support each other and actually grow more and have more fun on the court instead of bickering or getting mad or not understanding each other.

You know, that's, that's what you see a lot, especially as you start to play together a lot. You become like sisters or family or a married couple and you want to, you know, it, it just gets a little, you get a little harder on selves and each other. So that's super fun. And, and it's always when I work one on one or when I work with you guys as individuals, a lot of times sometimes people will, the partner will say, Well, if they would just do this or that, and I get frustrated when it's never about the other person.

It's always about you, you know? And so that's what we talk about in your private session and, but it's also a confidential thing, so I'm not gonna go and say, Oh, well Erin, guess what Carolyn said about you. Exactly. Let me tell you what Erin said. , it's not about that. So it's really about bringing a cohesive team together and having more fun and winning more.

So I love working with Devil's Partners. And then I also, one thing that was really successful when I was in Texas is I would work with whole groups where anywhere from six to 20 people, somewhere in that range. But I would get with the teaching pros, and we would, the, the teaching pro would maybe spend 45 minutes or so doing, running the, running everyone through drills, doing strategies for singles or doubles or whatever.

And, um, then we would come off court and I'd spend about 30 minutes working on the mentor game. And I would teach 'em the, the thought tools that I have and teach 'em how to self-coach. We would run through some, some coaching examples and all of that, and then we'd go back on court and put everything into practice.

So the drills, the strategy, the, the mental game, we'd put it into practice and we'd play games and have fun that way. And then we usually had either snacks or a meal, or like a lunch or something. And we had so much fun. And I love partnering with Encore teaching Pros because you can put the stuff in, you can put the mental game into practice immediately.

And, and so, and everyone likes to run around and have fun too. So that's something that I haven't really pursued that since moving to North Carolina, because I'm not as, I just haven't got to know a whole lot of the, the teaching pros around here, but I'm very open to that. So, you know, if there's ever a teaching pro that's interested, they can just reach out to me and we can set something up.

So it's usually about like a two to three hour workshop. Super fun, very low key. But you, you can learn a lot of skills that way. And then the last way that I work with people is if a, a full team wants to work with me, let's say they're prepping for a season, like combo season's, getting ready to start.

Like if there's a combo team that really wanted to try and do their best as a whole team, they can hire me to work with them. Or if, let's say you do well and you're want, you're going to states or sectionals or something, they can hire me and we work together and I coach them as a, as a big group. I teach them strategies.

I teach them how to coach themselves. So they're all kind of following the same, um, mental game together. And then I can also coach individually, so I do custom packages for that as well. So there's a lot of ways that I work with people, but it all comes down to teaching them the, the thought tools that I have, teaching them how to self coach and how to manage their thoughts before, during, and after match.

So I enjoy all of it. I think it's super fun and just love working with, with the tennis players in any of those capacities. I think working with a team is, would be so beneficial because every individual has their own idea of what the successful team looks like, Right.

The captain might have formed a team and is like, we're going to states, someone else might be on it just to be like, I'm just here to have fun. I wanna meet people. Mm-hmm. , you know, like everyone has their own goals, but I think coaching as a team gets everyone on the same page, which I think that would be wildly successful for teams.

We have a lot of really strong teams in our area that tend to, you know, a lot of them tend to, or a lot of the same teams tend to go to states, but um, maybe can't get over that hump of like, winning states and getting to sectionals or nationals. And I know people have those aspirations, but that would be such a great way to work with, you know.

Yeah. Not just obviously everywhere, but Yeah. Gets everyone on the same page, you know? Well, and you don't even need to have the same goal, you know, Like there might be a couple people on the team that are like, I just like these people, and that's okay, but how are you working in working towards what you want and getting fulfilled by your participation on the team?

You know? And so it, a lot of times there's, there's, there can be so much drama with, Oh, well they're playing the, you know, the, the certain people get all these matches and other people don't get very many. Or the lines, Oh, I'm playing line three again, or, you know, it. There can be so much drama and it's really about removing that.

And those are all just thoughts that we're having of, Oh, I'm not good enough, or Oh, they think they're better. Exactly. It's removing that and then you can all achieve your goals together, even if they're slightly different. And so, yeah. But I agree with you being, being mostly open, just I think being open about what your thoughts are and understanding them and sharing them, supporting each other, and whatever you guys want to achieve as a team, it's super, super powerful.

I like that.

Oh, this is also good. I, I also just wanted to mention, um, Christine sometimes says little things that help you a lot and you don't realize it. So I, when I spoke with you, Christine, I had just lost a match where I was up five zero in the second set and I lost the match. And I remember talking to you about it because I was so upset that I had gotten up and then had lost the match.

And you, you had told me, Well, how great is it that you were up five zero in a match? And I remember thinking, That's such a great point. I had never thought about that. I was just thinking about, I need to quit adult recreational tennis because I blew this so badly. , right? Yeah. You know, it's her blower brain go, gets big

Yeah, it does. It's like out, it grows. It's, especially in singles, not so much in doubles, but in singles it is coming out. Right. I think it's punching you in the face . So, Yes. Yeah. And it's more just recognizing that it's, you know, you had five great games in a row. How awesome is that? You know? And, and so I think for you in that situation too, when other people are starting to come back, which what's happening is that they're relaxing, thinking, resigned, that they're gonna lose.

They start playing better naturally it happens. It happens all the time and people creep back in and then suddenly your brain is chirping at you. And, but it's not, it's not recognizing that, Hey, I just did a great thing. And so what if they're coming back? They're coming back. But it's, it's just because your brain is shifting and their brain is shifting, they're relaxing, you're getting tight all of a sudden, you know, there's these expectations.

So many things can go on in our brain and it's, that would be a perfect example of, okay, this is a yellow ball. I get to hit this ball. How fun is that? You know? That's what, but it's hard when you're in the middle of it and you're like, Why are you so stupid? And why are you, you know, why can't you just hit the ball?

I was up a set and for love in a match, this is what I would consider. The worst match I've ever played is singles set and for love winning easily. And same thing that you, Carolyn, suddenly she didn't do anything different. I just suddenly, I couldn't serve in the box. I couldn't hit any ball in the box. I wasn't even trying anything special.

I just went off the rails. This was before I was a coach. I could assure use my coaching back then. Ended up losing this match. I think it was a match I needed to win. I needed one match to win at this specific tournament in order to make it to the state championships in Texas. It's a big deal.

Tournaments are a big deal there. Lost this match. And I was beside myself. I was just like, I don't know how I did that. And today I would look at it and just say, you know, it happens. It happens. But hopefully I would have my thoughts better and check that. Hopefully I can prevent it from happening, but I won't always be able to do that.

And then knowing that I'm gonna be okay no matter what. It goes back to that. And I'll let myself feel disappointed. . Yeah. But it happens to all of us, I promise. . Yeah. And,  the other thing that Christine said, um, when we were talking about doubles and doubles partners, that I thought was just so beneficial, because I do play with a lot of different partners, is that you should ask your partner what they need.

Like when they're doing bad, do they want encouragement? Do they want you to be quiet? Do they want coaching? I'm not very sure very many people want coaching, but, um, what do they need? And I had never really thought about that before. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. We all tend to do what we think we, we what we like. And so I'll have partners who, you know, if I miss one ball, they'll be, Oh, that's okay.

You got it, You got it. And I'm like, I know, I'm fine. You know, So I know that sounds really arrogant. I mean, I'm a mental coach. I'm good  and I don't go out and say that. So people, a lot of people don't know that, but I'm kidding. But yeah. Um, I think, yeah, I'm fine, you know, and I appreciate their concern, but then I can tell that sometimes I feel like they're getting in a panic if I miss several shots and it's like, Hey, I'm gonna be okay.

You know, I appreciate it, but stop , you know? So, and, and then there's other times when, you know, like a lot of people like to apologize. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Like, you don't need to apologize. You're gonna make mistakes. I'm gonna make mistakes. Bummer, it's over, you know? Mm-hmm. . So understanding what people like, like I have partners who are just like, Hey, get your act together.

What's the matter with you? I can say that to them and we'll have a good laugh if I say that to another partner, they're gonna cry. You know? So just understanding. And you don't necessarily need to say, Well, what do you like? Cuz sometimes people don't know what they like, but just feeling, you know, un as you get to know them, what's, what are they responding to?

What do they appreciate in a devil's team and what do they need when they're on the court? So yeah, I think that's helpful to understand each other.  sometimes it makes me nervous to make a plan with my partner though, because like I've heard from people, there's this, uh, woman that we've had on before.

She's hilarious. And I remember she had a partner that said, Hey, um, that lady doesn't like a slice, you know, over the net or whatever. And she was literally like, I don't think you understand. I can't slice. You know, like whatever it was, it was like her partner was giving advice in a very nice way, but her thought was like, I don't have that skill.

And so I worry about, because she said that to me one time, I'm like, Yeah, I worry about talking, you know, telling my partner, you know, try hitch their backhand. Usually what, what I do, and Carolyn, you've played with me enough to know this, I'll usually say like, well try a strategy, like, let's, you know you're gonna poach or I'm gonna serve here, or whatever.

And literally, I always say, cuz we know our skill set, it's not, you know, we're not pros. We always say the keyword is try, we're gonna try to do this if it doesn't work out. You know, it's not like I'm saying, you have to make this move in order for us to win this point. It's like, let's make, let's make a plan and see if it works out or not.

If it does, great. You know? Well, and part of that, that's, and that's great. I think that's awesome because you never know, and a strategy could work for the first part of a match and then they adjust and now all of a sudden you need to find something else. So it's about being flexible, but part of the fun of tennis is the challenge of the mental game, of figuring out what works.

And, you know, the matches that we feel most fulfilled with are the ones that we, we really fight for. You know, the, the ones that you win easily are fun, but they're not very memorable. You know, it's, it's those where you're like, Hey. And so when you're going into it together, I, I had that experience earlier this spring.

I was playing, you know, since I'm new here, I was playing with someone new every single match and I didn't know my opponent, so I really didn't know much of anything about the, the community. And she, she said, Hey, you know, a slice might be good here. And I'm like, Oh, I don't slice . And so I just told her that and I said, You know, it's, my slices are more accidental than not.

And um, and I, I can slice, but it's not my go to and I wasn't comfortable in that moment. And so I just said, you know, and it was fine. It was, I didn't take anything to mean like, Oh no, I don't have a slice. I'm terrible. I can't do it. It was like, Oh no, we're gonna have to do something else because that's not, that's not where I'm comfortable right now in this match.

And it was totally fine. We, you know, I don't remember what we did, but we ended up winning because she beat me. That's what she did, . It was our match and she didn't have a slice and she didn't need it. . No, but that was such a fun match. I did love that match . Oh, it's always fun to play. Yeah. I have one more thing that Christine said that I thought was really beneficial and may be beneficial to the audience too, is that I told you that I had played a match and I was really tired.

So I walked onto the court thinking I'm really tired. And I even got up in that match too. But the entire time I was thinking, Please let this match be over. I'm really, really tired because I hadn't slept the night before. And um, I thought it was really good that you said to me like, go in, accept it.

Don't try to fight it the entire match. That you're tired. Yes, you are tired. What strategy am I gonna use because I know that I'm tired. Um, I thought that was really helpful and it happened again where I walked into a match with that kind of mentality cuz I hadn't slept the night before and it was very helpful.

That's wonderful. I I was, I was curious to see what I'd said cuz I had no idea. , I couldn't remember. And, and yeah, it's sometimes you're gonna show up and you know that you're not your best. You know, I've been sick recently and so I had to play a match and I knew I, you know, I've been physically weak and fatigued and I knew I was going in and I was gonna feel fatigue and I did.

And um, I just tried to show up and play within myself. And wasn't trying to do killer first serves or go for all these crazy shots. It was just play within yourself when you can. When you know that there's some sort of a struggle, whether, you know, you may be going through a hard time personally and that's heavy on your mind or you know you didn't get a lot of sleep or you're feeling fatigued or you've been ill or whatever, having grace and compassion for yourself, that goes a long way.

Instead of beating yourself up for, Wow, I'm so tired and I should be playing better. It's never helpful for you or your partner, you know, whether you're yelling at them or yelling at yourself. No one ever likes that, so, so I'm glad that was helpful for you, Carolyn. . . I've met so many players that I feel like, um, well first of all, a lot of us are type A. A lot of us are, we are in an adult competitive situation, right? So, but I also feel like so many people put their self worth in their game and I just, I just can't even think that way because there's so many other things to worry about.

It really, for me, I know I'm like sunshine and rainbows, but it really is my outlet. And sometimes, and you and I talked about this, I feel like sometimes I am so happy to be out there and understand where I am in my life. And I look up at the sky and there's blue sky and I'm outside playing tennis and I feel so lucky and privileged to be doing that.

But then sometimes I'm like, I have to get a killer instinct. Now I have to like, you know, enjoy all that, but then still like win, you know, a match. But so many people. I, I think quit tennis, you know, really do quit tennis because they aren't finding joy in it anymore because they've put so much of their own self worth in it.

Which I don't wanna say that so way, because honestly that was, people do feel that way and that's justified. But I think people would benefit from coaching from you to realize that it's not like, it does not make your life one way or the other. It is simply in that moment of playing a sport that hopefully you enjoy.

That was probably the biggest hurdle that I had to overcome, is growing up with a very, very athletic father. I always felt like, Okay, I've gotta be the best athlete and may, you know, then I'll be loved. And um, and it was just the pressure I put on myself as a kid. And so, even though I excelled, even if I was the best, it was still never quite good enough.

And so I, and that carried into tennis and I didn't even start tennis till my mid thirties. And so I had already kind of done all my competitive sports and this is gonna be the fun sport that I did. And, um, started off and was pretty successful early on. Cuz I started as a two five and grew, grew to a four oh, pretty quickly.

And then suddenly I wasn't winning like I was used to. And I put all this pressure on myself and it was like, I'm not worthy. And, you know, one big thing that I felt so much heaviness about in my tennis was if I don't win, people aren't gonna like me. And, and it's, it, I really had to battle that, That was one of my biggest coaching hurdles that I had to get over of, Hey, you know what, if people don't like me because I'm not winning that, first of all, they're not worth it, Don't worry.

But it's hard to get out of that. You still want, you want people to like you, you wanna, you wanna be invited to teams and enjoy the experience. And I think for me, overcoming that has been the number one thing of why I enjoy all my tennis matches now, even when I'm getting beaten up. You know, and I'm not saying they're all super pleasant, but I can enjoy every experience no matter what, because I know it doesn't mean anything about me.

I truly absolutely know that now. And I did have a little dip when I first moved here, and I started playing in January, February, a whole different group. I had been with my group of four oh ladies in, in Austin, Texas for, you know, however long, 10, 15 years. I knew everybody. And, um, we all kind of, you know, knew where we fit.

Well, here I am coming to this new community. I have no idea where I fit in. I don't know, you know, how it's, how the experience is gonna go for me. And then I have new partners every single time I'm playing new opponents. I don't know anything about any of 'em. And so I started to feel like, Oh no, if I don't win, are people gonna be interested in getting to know me?

Are they gonna like me? Are? And I started to fall into that trap again. And I thought, that's silly. You know, I can go out there and be a pleasant person and make friends. And I'll tell you what, this has been the easiest transition moving here. I have made more friends so fast just because of tennis, and it's just because I have chosen to go out there, not make it mean anything about me.

Enjoy my experience, try and be a, a reasonably pleasant person on the court and, and laugh and have fun. And wow. I mean, I am just loving it now. I'm almost playing too much because I'm getting invited to play a lot and I love that. But, um, I am getting old and so I've gotta kind of temper it a little bit.

So, but not taking yourself so seriously and not depending on the win or the loss to determine your self worth is huge. And that I know so well because I fought so many years and battling that in my brain.