A New Perspective: Nurturing Connections with Understanding and Acceptance - 175

Unearthed from my experience with a recent client intensive, I present to you an unmissable exploration of understanding and acceptance within relationships. This couple, driven by the courage to face areas they failed to understand about each other, went on the brave journey of individually and collectively exploring these areas. Their story serves as an inspiration, proving that working on our shadows and insecurities can ultimately lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

In the romantic sphere, we face a myriad of challenges. Yet, these differences can, when leveraged correctly, bring out the best in each other. By taking the time to understand and truly appreciate our partner's uniqueness, we can be lifted up and inspired to reach our full potential. Alongside this, we delve into the world of insecurities and how they often surface through the people around us, painting a unique opportunity for self-improvement.

As I guide you through this enlightening episode, we'll also study the vital roles of trust, faith, and curiosity in our relationships. Drawing a clear distinction between trust and faith, we'll uncover how curiosity can help us understand and accept our partners, even in moments of threat and recoil. Furthermore, we'll frame curiosity as a tool for understanding our partner's desires and building a solid framework of trust and faith. Brace yourself for an episode that will revolutionize the way you perceive and approach relationships.

Are you an executive, entrepreneur, or combat veteran looking to overcome subconscious blind spots and limiting messaging to unlock your highest performance? Feel free to reach out to Sean at Reload Coaching and Consulting.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Welcome to the Reload, where we help unconventional leaders craft the life they truly want by questioning the assumptions they have about how life works. My name is Sean and I'll be your host on this journey. As a performance coach and special operations combat veteran, I help high performing executives kick ass in their careers while connecting with deeply powerful insights that fuel their lives. Okay, once more at it, and thank you again for joining me on this journey. Hopefully my voice will hold out, because I am still kind of trying to kick the COVID and we'll see how it goes. So in thinking about today's episode, I was reflecting on the recent travel, not just because I got COVID, but because the first client intensive. So let me back up a second.

Speaker 1: 0:52

I guess part of the work that I do is to do what, in the coaching industry, we often refer to as an intensive, or sometimes as a retreat, I guess, but intent is. Intensives, excuse me, tend to be a little bit shorter than retreats, and in an intensive it is typically an all day process and most of the time I ended up flying to the client location and from there the work can be whatever they want. Ultimately, typically it's tying together different themes that have come up in the coaching, or if it's an intensive that's done towards the beginning of an engagement, then it typically includes looking at the assessment results and really starting to kind of dig in deep to whatever the issues are that concern the client. Now, in this case, I was actually on back to back intensives, one in Texas and one in Alabama, and the one in Texas was really interesting and I was really privileged to be doing work with a couple and in this case they're married couple and the work that they were looking at I think was something that very few married couples are willing to do, and that is to really take a look at accepting things that we don't understand.

Speaker 1: 2:25

Now, over the years of coaching individuals and in certain instances also doing couples coaching although I would not put that forward as kind of my specialty, but in the work that I've done, one of the things that has really come forward and this is true of romantic relationships, it is true of family relationships and it is certainly true of working relationships, team relationships that when we don't understand something about somebody else and I suppose the same would be true of other cultures we often end up in a place where we feel threatened because it's unknown to us first off. Secondly, we can't really wrap our minds around it. Why would it be done this way, whatever the it happens to be? And so there's this sense of threat that can come forward. And how do we deal with that sense of threat? How do we actually navigate it?

Speaker 1: 3:36

Now, oftentimes, when it comes to the relationships that we maintain well, we maintain them because we want to keep them. I mean to say it quite simply right. Whether it's our job, we want to keep our job, or we want to keep our standing on the team, whether it's a romantic relationship, whether it's our families, and we don't want to have strife inside of our families. And so oftentimes, in these different settings, when we don't understand something, we don't actually do the work to accept it and we just sort of put it in its own sort of isolation chamber and we hope that it doesn't come up too much and we hope that we don't really have to deal with it that much, because it makes us uncomfortable every time that we do. And so in most relationships, the underlying misalignment or confusion doesn't actually get resolved.

Speaker 1: 4:41

Now I want to be clear in my emphasis here that I'm specifically avoiding trying to make it sound like one position is right and the other position is wrong, because that's not the case. Now, obviously, we can drum up circumstances or hypothetical scenarios, like the one party wants to go murder other people. Well, yeah, okay, in that case we'll probably have a right and a wrong situation there. But for the sake of normal conversation and normal relational issues, it's not necessarily the case that there is an objective right or wrong. So I'm specifically attempting to navigate around that type of language and not incorporate that, so hopefully you can join me on that.

Speaker 1: 5:31

Now, again going back to the couple that I was working with, what impressed me was their individual and collective willingness to explore areas that they didn't understand and luckily, as individuals, they are both very deeply committed to doing this on their own, and then they're also willing to take on the added complexity of doing it as a couple. So it's one thing to say okay, I'm willing to look at sort of the weird sticky, and I'm not saying that my clients are weird, but everyone often well, maybe not everyone, but most people like to think or believe that, yeah, there's one thing about me that's pretty weird and I'm constantly in conversations with individuals saying, oh God, this must be so weird for you to hear me say this and this must be the craziest conversation you've ever been in and it's like no, no, it's okay, we can have things that we want or fantasies or I don't know, just eccentric ways that maybe we were raised and in our particular household seemed normal. But maybe when you get exposed to other households, other ways of doing things, you think, oh wow, maybe maybe we're the outlier here, maybe we're the weird ones and reality is is probably not that weird to begin with. So in either case, you know people are generally pretty sensitive to that. But it's one thing to look at one's own shadows, one's own inner demons, one's own insecurities. It's another thing entirely to do that with another person, to bring that in front of them.

Speaker 1: 7:24

And then it's a third thing entirely as a couple, specifically as a relationship like romantic relationship couple, because I would put that in a category on its own because of the fact that you are generally cohabitating when you're in that arrangement and the decisions that you make have very real impact on the other party. It's not like a work relationship. I mean many times work relationships are very tight because of the amount of time that people spend together, especially my clients who spend a lot of their time at work or on the job in some fashion. I mean, they're generally not always in the office, a lot of times they're traveling for work, and that when they travel for work, they are very frequently traveling with people from the executive team, and they sometimes spend more time with other members of the executive team than their own family. So, but again going back to this idea of the romantic couple, I think that that does stand in a class of its own, because of the fact that so much of your decisions will very directly affect the other person. And so to be able to look at okay, here's, here's what's inside of me, there's what's inside of you, and then, together, how are we creating a shared vision of what we want to be?

Speaker 1: 8:56

And it's in that last component of trying to come together to make a decision about what we are or what we are going to be, that we run into the problem of having real strife, because there are elements of the other party that we can't accept, because we don't understand. So it's, you know, in these romantic couples it's not just okay, you do you over there and I'll do me over here. It's like no, because we, we commingle, we cohabitate. We cannot help but intimately affect each other. Now, if you are in well, I don't know some sort of non-traditional relationship where maybe you are married or you are deeply committed to one another but you live in separate homes, well, I guess then you can kind of not listen to this episode. But but in most cases around the world, romantic couples are cohabitating.

Speaker 1: 10:06

And that is precisely why this work that I did with this couple over this last retreat was so eye-opening for me that they were willing to get into a place of real discomfort. Now, part of the work was to try to set a healthy foundation. Now, to be clear, this couple actually is a very strong couple. Are they perfect in the sense of some sort of fantasy? No, they still have disagreements, they have differing perspectives, but I would actually argue that in many ways that is perfect. If we were somehow so magically aligned that there was never any friction, there was never any contrast, then that could get really boring really quickly. But as a solid foundation, they have their own individual inner awareness, inner development practices, and they are also working extremely hard on a regular basis to try to maintain effective communication with each other, to include when they are confused either internally by themselves or by the other party. So to start the exercise we talked about, you know how does my partner lift me up to achieve my full potential.

Speaker 1: 11:40

Now there's this idea that we cannot achieve our fullness, we cannot achieve everything that we are capable, but for interaction with the outside world. And it's interesting to me I've had a couple clients I think three over the years that for whatever reason, we're in a financial position to really sort of go into hermit or monk mode and that they really withdrew from a lot of society and spent months really just sort of on their own as way to clear the decks and as a way to really reconnect with a sense of self and to be able to, without distraction, create a better vision of what they wanted for themselves. And I thought I mean I thought personally I was like wow, this is a really interesting experiment that you're going through here and it benefited them greatly to have that pause and that lack of distraction. And then what was interesting was to see how, when they started to reintroduce themselves to society, to friendship circles, job circles colleagues, you know what I'm talking about there that they started to have certain pressures put upon them. There was certain, there were frictions that came out because of the interactions that they were having, because everybody's coming from a different perspective. They have different historical influences, different ways that they were raised, developed, conditioned, different languages, different sleep cycles, different caloric needs. You know all these things, from the very tangible physical elements to the more esoteric that we're really allowing these individuals to see, where the differences of opinion and perspective came forward.

Speaker 1: 13:42

So, to bring it back to the exercise that I was doing with this couple, this idea that we are lifted up, you know, where is it that we were inspired? Where is it that we see something that this person is capable of that then reminds me oh, I'm capable of that too. I'm capable of that too. Maybe the way that they care for a child, or the way that they give freely to their friends and family, or the way that they're committed to a cause. How does that, in turn, want me to be better? How does that want me to live to my full potential? And that, when I asked, you know, how does this make you feel? How does your body respond to this observation and asking each and turn? You know, how does it feel to receive this assessment of how you lift the other party up, how do you inspire them. And for the person essentially giving compliments, you know how does it feel to say it, and there were comments like, oh, my body feels loose and relaxed, it feels warm, I feel safe, I feel secure, I feel like I'm seeing. You know things like that.

Speaker 1: 15:01

And I wanted to build on that very conscious understanding that, okay, this is mostly good, this relationship feels good, it's on a solid foundation. If it was a different couple, maybe one that was more challenged in the way that things were running Maybe there was infidelity, things like that, who knows Then probably would have chosen some different exercises potentially, but with this particular couple, because they were standing on really solid ground, I still wanted to introduce hey, yeah, things are actually really good. So let's, let's put some weight on that foundation and recognize that it's solid and we can stand on it. Because then the next piece was how does my partner challenge me to achieve my full potential? And in this case, the word challenge more conveys this notion of what pisses me off, what rubs me the wrong way. What is it about their behavior, what is it about their beliefs, what is it about their desires? And here I might get some pushback from you, the dear listener.

Speaker 1: 16:21

You may think to yourself well, that's, that's not very inspiring, that doesn't seem like it's going to be very helpful. Feels like you're just looking for problems. Ah, am I, is that really my job, to look for problems? Or is it possible that, again, to achieve our full potential, we also have to look at our insecurities, and that often our insecurities are raised up by the things around us, the people around us. You know, if you look at politics, for instance scary, that's not talked politics. But oftentimes, when you look at those who have politically opposing viewpoints, there are things about their views that really rub you raw. There are things about their beliefs that you ardently want to well, to start with, disapprove of and to potentially eliminate entirely, like it shouldn't, it shouldn't be, it shouldn't be, like it shouldn't exist in the universe. And so how can you take that stimulus and recognize that there are things inside of you that are being flared up? And so, again, it's not.

Speaker 1: 17:45

We're not trying to turn the partner into an enemy, but even if we had enemies which I mean I've dealt with a couple clients that felt that they actually had enemies, you know, sort of corporate, corporate enemies and challenges and their organization. But those individuals even if we did classify them as an enemy, they're still to our benefit because they show us our insecurities. They show us where we are in a state of disquiet. And what is it about us that is so disquieting? Where is it that we feel unbalanced, potentially, especially when it comes to having a romantic partner? Why is it that I feel insecure here?

Speaker 1: 18:36

My partner has a desire to be a partner. Why does this make me feel so vulnerable? I'm always trying to maintain the distinction between vulnerability, the willingness to put myself into harm's way, the willingness to risk as a positive virtue, versus the feeling of being exposed. Don't stab my soft underbelly when that locks us down into fear. Now, it's an arbitrary distinction because I think if you go to the dictionary, they're often very much treated as synonyms. But often in this coaching work, it makes sense to have certain distinctions and to create certain frameworks so that people can navigate the concepts more fluidly or more elegantly perhaps.

Speaker 1: 19:43

So again, we're looking at this idea of how does my partner's desire or desires challenge me? It could be desires about how you raise the kids. It could be desires about where you go to church, or if you go to church and, quite frankly, often it's a desire or it's a set of desires, potentially around sexuality. How often? What kind of things do we do? Who do we do them with? Is it just us? Is it more than us? If it's more than us, where? Under what parameters? Should I be there? Should I not be there Only when we're on the road, away from each other? Don't ask, don't tell. I mean all kinds of things, but it's not just the sexual stuff. It's just that quite often that's that is what comes forward and and people haven't talked about that stuff before they got married.

Speaker 1: 20:48

So then now things are getting sort of tricky and Sometimes it's just fantasy. Expressing that, oh yeah, I have, I have fantasies, doesn't mean that I'm gonna do anything about them, doesn't mean that I want to do anything about them, but I have fantasies and I want to be able to talk about them, because you're my partner and I want to be able to tell you everything. Oh, even that can be a trigger. Do we tell each other everything? Where in this we is there still room for me, separate from we? Do I still get to be an individual or do I need to sacrifice everything? Do I need to sacrifice everything because I'm now part of this bigger unit? Is there room for individuality? What does that look like? What boundaries do we feel are healthy and acceptable? So you can see how this, this, can turn into a very charged environment.

Speaker 1: 21:55

And as we began to navigate some of the feedback, what the body was telling, each person went from you know, sort of loose and open and warm to pressure, constriction, feeling cold or feeling detached. So it's tough work. I'm not gonna, you know, paint any fairy tales about that, but what we're driving toward is clarity, to have a real, true understanding of what's going on for each person and how do they want to move forward. What does it look like? What happens when we run into that brick wall when we don't understand? I Don't understand why you have this fantasy. I don't understand why you have this desire. It makes no sense to me. And what was interesting is that each person had their own version of it. It looked different, but the underlying dynamic of okay, why, if things are so good when this person had this desire, was there for both of them, just with different subjects.

Speaker 1: 23:27

So that brings up the main point of this episode is how do we get to acceptance when, when there is something that we just, we literally cannot understand it. It defies our comprehension of how the world should work. And yet this partner of ours, this person that we feel we know so well, this person that we've dedicated so much time and effort to and who, in all other ways, is such a wonderful match, how do I come to accept this? Because they're in this one way, they're doing something that to me, feels so Wrong that the world shouldn't work that way. It's just, it's just not right and I'm sort of making a joke about the word just. If you've listened to this show for any length of time, you know that whenever I hear a client use the word just, to me it's a sign that there's incomplete thinking or incomplete awareness happening. Well, it's just this way. No, it's not just this way. There are things that have gone into it, there are things behind it. Now it might feel that it's just that way, because to you that's the way you've been conditioned in your family, that's how things have been done, but in families around the world and in your partner's family Probably wasn't done that way. So oftentimes, whenever the word just gets dropped, then I really queue up and start digging, but again getting back to the heart of the episode. How do we get to the heart of the episode? But again getting back to the heart of the episode. How do we get to acceptance when we are confronted by something we do not understand and somehow cannot bring ourselves to understand?

Speaker 1: 25:23

One element is trust. Trust of what? Well, here it's useful to look at the difference between trust and faith, which faith is something we'll look at next. Typically, when I ask that question I've talked about this in other episodes when I ask clients what is the difference between trust and faith, they say proof or evidence. So trust has proof, it's based on data. You've been around the block a few times with this person and you recognize they're gonna be there. Yeah, we've had differences in the past and they're still there. We've had arguments in the past and they're still there. There is sufficient Attraction, commonality, whatever you want to call it, that we are there. We have proven. We don't always agree, we're not always aligned, but there is enough tying us together for the future that they're gonna be there.

Speaker 1: 26:30

Well, faith, obviously the specific lack of proof that there is something inside of us or intuition maybe that says we can go out on a limb and it'll be okay. Can one have faith without some basis of trust? I don't know. I really don't know. And is it important for us to decide that in this episode I'm gonna vote for no, just so we can get get this episode moving? But this element of having a sensation that we can put weight on the branch I Don't have a sensation that we can put weight on the branch and that it'll be okay, and that faith actually, ironically, is not necessarily, although it can be. It's not necessarily faith in the other person or faith in us. Sometimes it's just, and by just I mean limiting it to yourself. Oftentimes the faith is not in us. The faith is in myself that I am going to be okay, regardless of how this turns out. Us may break up, us may go away, but I will be okay, I can survive, I can make it through, and Today May suck, but tomorrow can be better.

Speaker 1: 28:15

So oftentimes we're exploring concepts of faith. It's not necessarily tied to the faith that the us, we will be good, but having that connection to faith, I think and from what I've seen, seems to enable people To recognize okay, yeah, I don't. I don't understand this, I don't know what's going on. And in a work context, oftentimes the way that that plays out is when there are details that are missing, especially around sort of critical, key customer events, and you're hearing stuff as the boss, usually from a subordinate or about a subordinate's actions, and you don't know what's going on, but something inside of you says It'll be okay, I Don't know what's happening, but I have faith that this person who is on my team is Doing something rational or logical based on what they're seeing. And that can be a very scary position for CEOs or vice presidents or presidents or whatever the boss figure is, because oftentimes they don't know what's happening and they're getting input from other Vectors that something's not right, and yet they can choose to have faith that the person on their team is Is operating In a good way.

Speaker 1: 29:53

Now, the last element here in terms of can you get to a place of acceptance when you don't understand, is Curiosity. So, as I talked about at the beginning of the episode, when confronted with what we don't understand, we often feel threatened and we recoil. That is the antithesis of curiosity. That is the opposite of curiosity. You're going in the 180 degree out direction. So when we recoil, what impact does this have on our partner or On us, when our partner doesn't understand something inside of us?

Speaker 1: 30:40

Oftentimes, when we are not connected to curiosity, when we're in the middle of a instinctive reactive recoil, then we're usually connected to judgment. Something inside of us has already labeled whatever the desire in our partner is as wrong, bad, evil, immoral, whatever. So then it's very important for us to try to understand. Okay, how can I be curious about this? How can I Acknowledge that maybe a big chunk of me wants to run away, wants to recoil from this thing that it doesn't understand, because it feels so threatened and it's not just threatening to you, right then, and there it's often very threatening to you existentially, to that part of you that says, mm-hmm, you know, this is how the world works, not the way that my partner is talking about it. All right.

Speaker 1: 31:44

So oftentimes, when we look at this idea of threat, it's not just something mundane, it's. It's oftentimes something that really hits a deep fault of insecurity, and by fault I mean sort of like fault lines, earthquakes, right. So there's there's usually something that's really deeply connected to us, some sort of insecure insecurity that we have. And so there's this, this notion that I attempted to present to my clients, and I don't actually know how effective I was with it, to be honest, but there's this notion that I I have that the cosmos, the universe, god again, whatever label you want to slap on this Sets us up with our partners, specifically because they're going to present these challenges. They're going to be ways they lift us up in a in a warm, fuzzy, mmm, so inspired, in like Hallmark card kind of way. And Then they were going to be challenges that come in the package of our partner, the one that we've committed to, the one that we've dedicated to, the one that we've made the ultimate promise to. They're going to be just, oh, I want to bail out of this thing so bad right now, because it is challenging the way that I look at my life, it's the way, the way I look at the world, the universe, but because of the commitments that you've made, you stay and you, you, you grid it out and you hang in the pocket Right, and that's where our romantic partners often are capable of challenging us in ways and, in our families too, are challenging us in ways that are just whoa, so spicy and it's so Enticing to want to, to get out of there, but you won't because you've made this larger commitment to stay.

Speaker 1: 33:43

And that's where this I think this especially the romantic couple, the married couple in particular, or life of life long affirmed partners, I don't know what, sometimes we have partners and sometimes we have husbands and wives, but it's it's in that very long-term, committed, romantic setting that I think we can really sort of crank up the pressure, because of the fact that so much of it, of our sense of Promise, our sense of partnership, what we've committed to, is tied into that person and it roots us in a way that we often don't see in other types of settings. And then for that person To throw a challenge at us, not maliciously, not premeditatively, but just because they see the world in a different way, oh whoo, this is tense, tense work. It's tense for me. I mean, it's just like right, and I'm not the one in the relationship. Well, I mean, I guess I have these same issues in my relationship, right, I am no different from the folks that I work with. I'm no different from you listening to this. So there are plenty of times where it's like oh man, this is uncomfortable, I would much rather just watch a movie right now.

Speaker 1: 35:14

So how do we stay curious? How do we recognize that an instinctive judgment came up in the moment, as soon as that desire was voiced by our partner? And then we're like, oh God, really that's disgusting, or who knows what, whatever the judgment was. And then how can we take a step back and recognize that we just slapped a judgment on it and that that judgment is often a defensive mechanism for an insecurity that we hold, often an insecurity that was conditioned into us by our family, the way that we were raised, or some early developmental experience that we had? How can we be curious about where the partner is coming from? What is it about this desire that holds allure or persuasiveness for you? How much do you wanna act on this desire? What are the left and right boundaries of this? Do you even know?

Speaker 1: 36:20

Oftentimes people don't know the boundaries of their fantasies and they don't know how much they want to enact the fantasy. In some ways, in many ways, fantasy is a really healthy tool for the self, the ability to envision possibilities that are not your current reality. That is fantasy. Now, whether that fantasy takes on a sexual tone or it takes on a vision of living in a foreign country or whatever, there's any number of ways that fantasies play out Doesn't really matter. It's a useful tool for human beings to be able to envision something that is not what's staring them right in the face, and in many instances they don't wanna do anything about it, they just wanna talk about it or they're curious.

Speaker 1: 37:16

It's like for those of you who have kids and you want your children start to be curious about body parts, especially as those body parts, as puberty hits and body parts do start doing different things, they start maturing, sexual maturity starts to happen and poof like, oh wow, boobs or hair where I didn't have it before. And children are curious. They're like, oh gosh, what's going on here? Well, just because you're not going through puberty doesn't mean that the human mind stops being curious about what could be. Especially if you've been married for a while or you've been together for a while, then it's often quite natural to think, oh yeah, what else could we do? What else might this relationship look like, what would be fun, what would be supportive, what would be creative and inspiring or exciting, who knows?

Speaker 1: 38:17

So, ultimately, getting to a place of understanding, can I be curious? Do I have a foundation of trust? Can I connect to a belief or a sentiment of faith that I'll be okay if I allow my partner to express their desire. And even if I don't understand it, even if I never understand it, can I still stay connected to curiosity, that it doesn't have to be a judgment about myself or my way of looking at how the world works? Can I give myself freedom to also explore Maybe partway, maybe all the way in my partner's fantasy? Can I incorporate that into a new version or new vision of us? Or will my insecurities limit that or eliminate that?

Speaker 1: 39:21

And it's not saying that you have to go along with your partner's fantasies or desires, especially if you really honestly cannot get yourself to accept it. But sometimes people will do things for their partners because they recognize well this is important to my partner For them to feel like they are capable of achieving their fullness as a human being. They wanna do a certain something, whether that's a sexual certain something, or whether that's again moving to a foreign country and living overseas for a while, or trying a different type of career field or whatever. You know, because that has certainly come up, you know, where is there pressure for one partner to be the primary breadwinner and to remain the primary breadwinner for the rest of the marriage, the rest of life. I mean, that puts a lot of pressure on couples. It's just not as racy as the sex stuff, but it's not mandated that you follow along.

Speaker 1: 40:39

But can you have a discussion? Can you say, okay, yeah, I'm willing to take a step in that direction? And this is what that step looks like. This is what I currently feel comfortable with. I'm willing to let you talk about your desire and for you partner to not feel like you have to hide it, because that's often the cost when we shame or we throw shade or guilt on our partner's desire. I mean, it's not only the desire just magically, like poof, disappears, they just hide it, they push it underground. And then when something gets pushed underground, what tends to happen? Well, weird shit tends to happen Because they're trying to bottle up that energy.

Speaker 1: 41:32

So, again, you don't have to, but if you can connect with curiosity, connect with faith, connect with trust, remind yourself of those things and at the very least be open to hearing what your partner has to say, and then in many cases that can lead to a very, very healthy discourse. It will be challenging, not gonna lie to you, it will definitely be challenging. It will most likely not feel comfortable, but then, potentially, you can also recognize where maybe your partner has to do the same thing for you and it may not. It most likely will not be on the same topic. But when you can start to recognize oh yeah, I have my own thing, I have my own sort of Joker card that I'm carrying and in my deck of cards well then that can really be a source of empathy and sympathy and it can ultimately strengthen the relationship.

Speaker 1: 42:39

Speaking of relationships, I would love it if part of our relationship, part of our give and take, if you think it's a fair exchange and you've valued the things that you've heard on this episode or other episodes because if this is the first one you've listened to, I'm inviting you to listen to more of them Go ahead, push that button and if you feel like it's worthwhile, just go ahead and sneak up on that like thumbs up, whatever button, show a little bit of approval, leave a review if you like. I mean that would be extra special. And, of course, as always, share. Share with people you care about, share with people maybe that you're struggling with, and see if any of these topics lead to tough but ultimately clarifying and hopefully improvement centric conversations. Until next time, take care of each other.