Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast

Episode 152 | Are You Crying Over Spilt Milk?

• Travis Rosinger and Dawn Rosinger

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It spilled  everywhere and turned an easy moment into one that was heightened by panic and complexity. That’s what happened from a little milk that splashed unexpectedly into a day,  but it’s also what happens to most of us when our lives gets hit by something small but frustrating. Why do we let these little incursions get to us and bring trouble into our minds and hijack our emotions?

Join hosts Travis and Dawn Rosinger as they share a simple story of how some spilt milk left a profound impact on their marriage and life. As you listen to this episode, you will be inspired to overlook the small things in your spouse and celebrate the many things God has given you! An episode worth listening to and sharing!!

Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping -  What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You

For more information about Travis and Dawn Rosinger go to Loving The Fight

Travis Rosinger:

Alright, I'm ready to do this and that's the cool thing we don't have to wait any longer. So welcome to the Love in the Fight Marriage Podcast. My name is Travis and I am one of the hosts. I'm sitting here with my wife, Dawn Rosinger.

Dawn Rosinger:

Just like you're ready, I am ready to do this as well.

Travis Rosinger:

This is one of our highlights, of our week, yeah, and it's one of our highlights because it's a passion of our lives. We love marriages, we love people, we love Jesus, we love encouraging people in their marriage.

Travis Rosinger:

And we want to encourage all of you that are listening today. And I think a part of that is we also love life. We do Like Dawn, you and I. We just can't be held within four walls. It's kind of an addiction of ours. We love to get out and experience new places, new people, new faces, and just really have a chance to enjoy all that God has given us.

Dawn Rosinger:

There is just so much, so many new things, so many adventures, Honestly, just opening your door. Walking on the street is a brand new adventure.

Travis Rosinger:

It's an adventure and we had one just this last week One of the coolest things that we've ever been able to do in our lives, something that we're super grateful for.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yep, you know what? Last Sunday after church we jumped in the car and we drove and we picked up our two-year-old granddaughter, lenora, and we headed south and we went to Clear Lake, iowa, where we own a second home. It's a 1930s cottage that we kind of a funky cottage. We fixed it up and now it's an extra place that we can go and hang out. But while we were there, when we got there, our son met us there he just lives an hour south from there and he brought his two boys, a three-year-old and then an almost two-year-old, and we decided that we were going to have a grandkids week and just be with our three grandkids from Sunday all the way till Friday.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, a little bit of chosen insanity, but the kind that we really, really like to choose. I mean, we absolutely were ecstatic on Sunday when they were all there and they were pumped together and they were people that were about ready to get jacked up on sugar and fun and just running around playing in 1,000 giggles, right, oh man, it was amazing.

Dawn Rosinger:

Well, as you can imagine, the week was extremely busy between walking to the lake, the splash pad, the pool, three different parks, cooking, doing dishes, potty training because two of them were in the middle of potty training changing diapers so lots of poopy diapers, tears, and then laughter, hugs and kisses and so so, so much energy. Like it was a great week, but it was also very tiring, to be honest, because we aren't two and three, we're a little bit older than that, but he made it. We make so many crazy cool memories.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, you know, I think one of the fun parts is it was vacation as well for us.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yeah, we took three days of PTO and added it to our two days off, so we had five days in a row.

Travis Rosinger:

Basically five and a half days away, and I think one of the cool parts was is that these little people, our grandkids, that we love so much, would take naps in the afternoon.

Travis Rosinger:

Oh, the naps were lifesavers, and that was a chance for us to, like you know, catch some Z's or drink some afternoon coffee what I like to call a nap in a cup and you know we just would take advantage of that. That was our free time, that was our recess, and then also, when they went to bed at night at like 7.30, 8.00 at night, then we were like wait a second, we're exhausted, but this is our vacation.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yes, we wanted to enjoy our evenings as well, a little bit of peace and quiet where we could choose what we wanted to do and know that all the kids were safe, cause they were in their bed.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and we got a chance to like stay up late, play cards games, watch movies, eat food, snacks like we had a great time we did and then we just went crazy with these kids, you know, all week. So we were a little bit tired by the end of the week.

Dawn Rosinger:

It was an amazing week, so fun. But every fun thing always has to come to an end. So Friday morning we woke up and we knew we had to be ready and set to go at 11 am because our son and his wife were coming back to pick up our grandson. So we jumped up out of bed. The kids were already awake. We got them dressed, I did their hair, we brushed their teeth, we put them in their last clean outfits for the week and we set them down on the stools in our kitchen, you know, with the bar right there, and they were able to eat breakfast. So we began to make breakfast and I looked at you, travis. I said hey, can you pour three glasses of milk?

Dawn Rosinger:

I see, three kids and only one of them has a lid, but the other two don't. So you poured three glasses of milk and I turned around at that moment. You put the milk in front of them. I turned around to grab something out of the microwave and also we heard this little small voice say Uh-oh. When you hear a little kid two or three year old, you know say Uh-oh, you know that something just happened. And so I turned around and we realized that he spilt his whole cup of milk all over, you know, the countertop. It was dripping down the side wall, all over his body, a huge puddle on the floor.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, everywhere yeah.

Dawn Rosinger:

It was, it was everywhere.

Dawn Rosinger:

And so we knew the longer you wait with this bill, the bigger it becomes, right? So we just grabbed towels and we went and we began to wipe the countertop off and we moved our you know picked up our grandson and we took him out the stool so we could wipe down the whole chair and everything, and I realized he was all wet. And while we were focusing on this mess, all of a sudden we heard this little voice and it was the cutest little voice and it just stopped us in our tracks and it was these words that said you happy, opa, you happy. And our grandkids call us Opa and Oma, which is German for grandma and grandpa.

Dawn Rosinger:

But what he was trying to communicate to us in his three year old way was Opa, are you, are you happy? Is it okay that I spilled my milk? Do you love me? Are you mad? Are you frustrated? And he needed the reassurance that it was okay, that we loved him. But it was just so cute. You happy, Opa, you happy. And I remember at that moment you put your towel down and you turned around and you picked him up and you looked at him and you're like Opa happy, it's okay, winston, it was an accident, opa loves you. You just gave him a big hug and a kiss and his smile just got huge and you put him down and he quickly looked at me and said Oma, opa happy, it was an accident, opa happy. And we went on with our breakfast.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, it was a priceless moment. It's one of those kind of moments where time stands still and it was as if God was speaking through this little three year old boy. And when he said, opa, opa happy, opa, happy, and it was like whoa, this is, this is monumental. Jesus said unless you become like a little child, you can't enter the kingdom of heaven. And so there, I think sometimes children will crack open heaven and give us kind of a window into the heart of God. And so when he said that it was weird, both you and I we didn't really talk in that moment about it, but both you and I were like what just happened? Like it wasn't just spilled milk, it was divine, like something important, lesson that you wanted to show us teach us.

Dawn Rosinger:

But we didn't actually talk about this further until the next day, until our grandkids went home. We came home, we unpacked and the next morning we were reading our Bible and just thinking about our time with our kids, and we were in separate rooms actually, and I began to think of this conversation that we had with our grandson. Winston and I was reading through the book of preverbs. And you know, in your Bible I have a study Bible, but on the side there's always some side notes. Well, there was a, a, just a quote or a couple of sentences, by Lucy Swindle, and so I began to read it and I just wanted to read, you guys today, what it said in the side of my Bible. And it said this I think life is to be experienced joyfully rather than endured grudgingly.

Dawn Rosinger:

We know it brings complexities and trouble. Scripture affirms that. But why do we take minor irritations so seriously? Why do we act as though it's the end of the world? Think of the pain and conflict we could would spare ourselves the stress we would forgo if we just realized mere inconveniences can be survived. And then it went on to quote the scripture. It says the fear of the Lord leads to life. Then one rest content untouched by trouble, which is found in Proverbs 19, 23. And I love that, like, honestly, if we just realized that the fear of the Lord leads to life. Then one rest content untouched by travel. Those mere little inconveniences won't bother us so much. And honestly, there is that quote don't cry over spilled milk Like that's a legit quote.

Dawn Rosinger:

It's funny because I Googled it. There's a whole story, there's a whole meaning Behind don't cry over spilled milk. But in this instance, that's what it's saying Our grandson spilled his milk that morning and we could have reacted a certain way, or we could have been like, no, it really doesn't matter. And because it was our three year old grandson looking at us, we're like it really doesn't matter. Only he matters.

Dawn Rosinger:

He's amazing, the milk does not matter. It's him that we love and we want to just shower with affection and remind him how important he is yeah, yeah, and I think you know Lucy Swindoll.

Travis Rosinger:

Her husband, chuck, is amazing too, but I think she's onto something when she says think of the pain and conflict. We would spare ourselves, the stress we would forgo if we just realized the mere inconveniences can be survived. And that's interesting. Think of the pain and conflict we would spare ourselves. So often there's these moments of spilled milk. Really, that's a metaphor for the rest of life. There's these little moments within a marriage or within a life that's being lived together by two people, and we actually cause more pain to ourselves and make our life super difficult when whatever it was wasn't even a big deal. Right, I agree. And when we hear the words of Proverbs, we hear the words of God, the fear the Lord leads to life, man, that puts it in perspective. It's like wait a second. No, the thing that matters most is fearing God. Right, yeah, being right with God, having the right attitude, having the right words or the right responses to the spilled milk of life. Right, yeah, and to still love the people around us.

Dawn Rosinger:

It's really cool to remember that you know what? Throughout our life, there's always going to be cups of milk that we'd be spilled. And I'm not physically talking about actual milk, but just think about the little things in life that happened throughout our day that are just, they're frustrating, they're a minor irritation, but it doesn't have to ruin our whole day. It doesn't have to disrupt life. It's just a minor irritation.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and again, when we fear the Lord I love what this says at the end then one rests content and here's the key of this whole episode untouched by trouble. Love that it's so important. Even Jesus said in this world you will have trouble. And so to be untouched by it. Why? Because when we fear the Lord, you know what it gives us peace, it gives us contentment. And so why do we do this in marriage? Why do we get crazy in our minds and why do we tend to focus on the minor irritations and pull out the microscope and kind of magnify those and act like they're the end of the world? It just doesn't make sense and I'm one of those.

Travis Rosinger:

I mean sometimes when I don't get food, what I'm supposed to. I've joked about this before on our podcast, but I just like it's the end of the world. And so I have to work on me and Don you, of course, have to work on you.

Dawn Rosinger:

Yep, it's funny that incident with our grandson. It was so easy to not cry over spilled milk or not make it a big deal, cause I just love him and I don't want to hurt his feelings. I don't. But sometimes in marriage we look at each other and man, it's just we quickly get irritated with each other. Things such as you know how we clean or we make the bed or fold towels. Just because things are different doesn't mean that one way is the wrong way or one way is the right way. But it's a minor irritation so it can set us off or differing opinions or differing preferences. Travis, you like your peanut butter and jelly a certain way. I like my peanut butter and jelly.

Travis Rosinger:

You like your stick.

Dawn Rosinger:

I just like my, barely spread out. But they're just differences, different preferences, and that's okay. And why do we, sometimes, on certain days, why does that bother us that you may chew louder than me or drink louder than me, when really that doesn't matter?

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, I sound like a whale drinking water when you're really thirsty Travis does. It's horrible.

Dawn Rosinger:

You do sound a little bit loud but honestly it shouldn't bug me. Or how loud you may talk, or sometimes I talk too quiet, or you say I mumble cause I'm walking away talking. You're like, what did you just say? And it's a little bit of an irritation, and just our driving styles. I know so many couples who have these all out wars and fights in the car over different driving styles. No-transcript man. Why? It's just a driving style. It's an irritation that shouldn't bother us, but uncertain days it does. Or maybe there's a little bit bigger things like irritations, like when I backed out of the garage and I ripped this, you know, the rear-view mirror off.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and it cost us $350.

Dawn Rosinger:

It did and I came in and I was devastated and I was like, oh no, what's Travis going to say? And, honestly, you gave me so much grace. You're like OK, let's just get it fixed. Or you know, last week, when you ran over the mole trap with the lawnmower, I'm like how did you not see this? A minor irritation? I could have went a different direction. But I'm like no, it's just a mole trap, but you didn't.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, I didn't at all.

Dawn Rosinger:

I chose not to. But we have to choose, every single day, every differing opinion, everything that we do different, to not let it blow up.

Travis Rosinger:

And I think what we do, just like with our grandson, who's spilt the milk all over himself, all over the counter, all over the floor, it was running everywhere. I mean there was a lot of milk and but when that happened and he's like Opa, you happy, you happy.

Dawn Rosinger:

You happy Opa.

Travis Rosinger:

I was so cute, I was like, oh man, he's trying to connect the dots. But it immediately reminded me of God's love for us. I mean, we spill the milk of our lives all the time. We make a mess all over ourselves, all over the people around us, and what does God do? God and his love remains constant. For us, it's unchanging. And so there are some of you listening right now. You're feeling guilty about the past. You know that you've made a mess of your lives, or maybe you've said things or done things and you're carrying guilt. You need to remember God loves you. He cares far less about your past and cares way more about your future and who you are as a person, who you, that he hand created you to be Right.

Dawn Rosinger:

It's funny, I agree. There's so many days or weeks where our lives can look a mess. Honestly, there's spilled milk everywhere. There's milk mustaches, our clothes are wet because we've just allowed things to come in and we've messed things up. But God looks at us with the eyes of Opa and Oma and he's like no, I love you, it doesn't matter what you did, I love you. And his grace is there for us. He wants the best for our lives.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and so God's the example, and so we can and should be willing to show that same kind of love for our spouse.

Dawn Rosinger:

Why is it so hard sometimes, though, to have the same love for our spouse? Why do the minor irritations kind of get bigger quicker?

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, well, here's the thing. The reality is is, if you're out there and you're listening to this and your spouse irritates you, like Don and I irritate each other, we do. Yeah, here's the thing we want to challenge you, get over it. Get over it, don't you know? If something bothers you that your spouse is doing, walk away. It's not that big of a deal. It just really isn't.

Dawn Rosinger:

It's just spilled milk and like that is a proverb or the saying don't cry over spilled milk.

Travis Rosinger:

So true. So hey, we want to give you guys just a few quick tips on how not to allow minor irritations to become more than they should. So when your spouse irritates you and frustrates you, man, first of all just take a deep breath and pause to evaluate the severity of the situation. I mean, did they just lose a million dollars? Did they just get fired from their job? Did they just accidentally cut your arm off and you know, in an accident in the backyard? Or did they sneeze to allow?

Dawn Rosinger:

it, or did they forget to put?

Travis Rosinger:

down the toilet seat, exactly Like how big is it really? Pause, take a breath.

Dawn Rosinger:

I think it's always important to laugh as well. Laugh about those little minor irritations. Don't laugh at your spouse, but laugh about the situation. Like honestly, life is really funny. Some of the things that we do or say, or even sometimes tripping up the step, that can kind of be funny. Just laugh and enjoy the moment, enjoy your spouse and let joy be a part of your marriage rather than frustration.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and I think it's a superpower. I believe they call it self-deprecating, but to be able to laugh at yourself, oh, I agree.

Travis Rosinger:

Okay, yeah, I really do drink like oil or seal or whatever it is. But to go, you know it's not that big of a deal and I don't want to irritate my spouse and so grateful for the grace that my spouse gives me. And you know, the other thing, part of how to share God's love is, you know, just pray, stop and pray, and when you feel that tension rising within you, the irritation, maybe you woke up on the wrong side of the bed and your spouse is just doing something that is crazy, irritating and just maybe not even they're not even thinking correctly and it's kind of dumb, whatever they're doing, but it's not bad. Here's the thing pray, always, bring God into your chaos and go ahead and share your raw feelings with God. Maybe it's time to walk in the other room, away from your spouse, shut the door and scream as loud as you can, with a silent scream, to God and you're like oh, he's frustrating me so much right now.

Travis Rosinger:

God, I need your help. Give me your grace.

Dawn Rosinger:

There are days where I'm just a little bit irritated more. Either I'm hungry or I'm tired or something, and the irritations are have, honestly, have been magnified, and I really do need to just stop and pray and say, god, just give me patience. In this moment. I feel like the moment I pray, there's something that just releases and like, okay, god's given me the strength to make it through right now, in just this hard situation. So prayer really does work. I think it's really important as well to remember that it will be your turn to spill the milk tomorrow. So if you're irritated with your spouse for doing something today, don't worry, you'll probably do something goofy or irritating tomorrow. So have grace, knowing that you're going to probably make a mistake as well. It's your turn next, right.

Travis Rosinger:

Oh man, well said and I think a big piece as well is to be thankful. I mean, when we think of spilled milk, real physical spilled milk, I mean in that moment with our grandson, we needed to just stop and thank God that we have a house.

Dawn Rosinger:

Right that we have milk and that we have a grandson and milk and a cup and a floor that it can run onto.

Travis Rosinger:

I mean, so many people have so little and if you've got something, yeah, you might crash your car a little bit, but does it still drive? Does it still get you to work? Does it? Is it still a nice vehicle? Don't let things that you know. If there's a scratch on your car, don't let that as if you've lost it completely. Right, keep it in perspective.

Dawn Rosinger:

I think the final and last thing, probably most important thing, is to just choose love. There's no law against choosing love. Choose love. The greatest of these is love. It talks about that in the Bible. Just stop and just really choose love. I can look at you and I can be irritated, but at the end of the day, I'm like no, you have my back. I love you, travis, with all my heart. I know that we're going to bother each other, but, honestly, you are the person that I want to die with At the end of my life. I want you to be by my side holding my hand, and I want to. I don't. I want to lose you. So these minor irritations it's not worth fighting and getting frustrated over when you're the person that I love the most.

Travis Rosinger:

Yeah, and ultimately Jesus hung on the cross. And those that were killing him, those that were persecuting him, hurting him, he's like Father forgive them, because they don't know what they're doing. And so Romans 13, 8 kind of echoes what Jesus did in the example of God's ongoing, consistent, constant love. It says let no debt remain outstanding except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. And what we need to remember is that, when it talks about the law in the Bible, that the law is like perfection. It's like getting it right every time. And, man, if you want to be perfect before God, with God's grace or you know, surrounding you, wrapping you, just love people, just love them. I mean, that's what Jesus did. And love conquers all man. It is, it is perfection. You can't get better than love.

Dawn Rosinger:

I totally agree. I'm so thankful for those moments, those simple things that happen in life, like spilled milk and a three-year-old little boy in three simple words you happy opa that really make us stop and just think. Man, there we live in a big world, the big God, and God loves us so much and can teach us through simple little things.

Travis Rosinger:

He absolutely can. And well, hey guys, we want to thank you so much for listening to this episode of the Loving the Fight Marriage Podcast.

Dawn Rosinger:

Remember, you can do it. You got this. Keep loving the fight, We'll see you next time.