In this week’s episode, we are focusing on negative self-talk. The voices in our head that hold us back. These can be the voices of others, voices of our past, our own voice telling us real and perceived “truths” that keep us from doing what we want to do. I’m going to be very vulnerable with you because this subject is near and dear to my heart and you have no idea how much I live in my head. It's about the should’ve would’ve could’ve, which are not necessarily wrong but you need to find what is important to you and what brings you joy and work through those voices in your head. I will talk you through a self-talk exercise that will help you let go of your past, shed expectations and quiet that negative self-talk in your head that's not serving you.
In this episode, you will specifically learn how to…
Link mentioned…
I’m Karen Weeks, the CEO & Chief Shine Officer (aka transformation coach) at KDW Coaching, the host of the Shine at Work podcast, award winning culture leader (currently leading the People team at Ordergroove), a speaker and published author. My purpose is to help career-oriented humans get unstuck so they can shine bright in business and in life. And I know how that feels, I navigated a career from theatre & the arts to HR (with lots of twists and turns there) to expanding my career into coaching as well. I live in NYC with my husband and furry babies!
Connect with Me!
As always, please consider subscribing, leaving a rating and review and sharing this podcast and the whole series with others. We do this podcast to help spread the word that everyone can get unstuck and find the thing that brings the
Welcome to the Shine at Work Podcast! On this show, your co-hosts Karen and Dan will shine a light on your job search so you can land a role that lets you flex your strengths and progress your career in an environment you actually look forward to working in each day. From creating a stand-out resume, to confidently negotiating your salary, to finding your footing as a new manager, you can expect to hear actionable advice to help you shine your brightest in your role.
Karen D. Weeks is the CEO and Chief Career Coach of Shine at Work Coaching. She has over twenty years of HR experience, including as CPO at Ordergroove.
Dan Carr is a Shine at Work Career Coach with over a decade of recruiting experience helping high-growth startups expand with top talent.
Connect with Us!
In this week’s episode, we are focusing on negative self-talk. The voices in our head that hold us back. These can be the voices of others, voices of our past, our own voice telling us real and perceived “truths” that keep us from doing what we want to do. I’m going to be very vulnerable with you because this subject is near and dear to my heart and you have no idea how much I live in my head. It's about the should’ve would’ve could’ve, which are not necessarily wrong but you need to find what is important to you and what brings you joy and work through those voices in your head. I will talk you through a self-talk exercise that will help you let go of your past, shed expectations and quiet that negative self-talk in your head that's not serving you.
In this episode, you will specifically learn how to…
Link mentioned…
I’m Karen Weeks, the CEO & Chief Shine Officer (aka transformation coach) at KDW Coaching, the host of the Shine at Work podcast, award winning culture leader (currently leading the People team at Ordergroove), a speaker and published author. My purpose is to help career-oriented humans get unstuck so they can shine bright in business and in life. And I know how that feels, I navigated a career from theatre & the arts to HR (with lots of twists and turns there) to expanding my career into coaching as well. I live in NYC with my husband and furry babies!
Connect with Me!
As always, please consider subscribing, leaving a rating and review and sharing this podcast and the whole series with others. We do this podcast to help spread the word that everyone can get unstuck and find the thing that brings the
Welcome to the Shine at Work Podcast! On this show, your co-hosts Karen and Dan will shine a light on your job search so you can land a role that lets you flex your strengths and progress your career in an environment you actually look forward to working in each day. From creating a stand-out resume, to confidently negotiating your salary, to finding your footing as a new manager, you can expect to hear actionable advice to help you shine your brightest in your role.
Karen D. Weeks is the CEO and Chief Career Coach of Shine at Work Coaching. She has over twenty years of HR experience, including as CPO at Ordergroove.
Dan Carr is a Shine at Work Career Coach with over a decade of recruiting experience helping high-growth startups expand with top talent.
Connect with Us!
Hello my friends welcome to the shine at work podcast. I'm your host Karen weeks. As a transformation career coach and culture and people leader. My goal is to help career oriented humans get unstuck, so that they can shine brighter in business and in life. I believe that you deserve a career that lights you up. Because spoiler alert, it also impacts how bright you shine in your life. This season. Each week, we will focus on a key skill that you need to shine at work, and inspirational stories on ways to navigate your career. Because I know what it feels like when your light is dim. I made a career change from theater to HR, and now expanded to coaching. And at times in my life, I had to take a look deep inside to see what was most important, what made me shine bright, and make adjustments along the way. It's possible. I did it, my guest did it, and I help others do it every day. I hope you walk away from each episode not just inspired, but with some actionable advice. And I hope that you find it so valuable that you subscribe to the podcast, leave a review and tell your friends because we all deserve to shine bright in our lives, specifically at work. Okay, let's jump in into this week's episode. Before we start today's episode, let me ask you a question. How are those New Year's resolutions going? If you're like me, and lots of other people, I know by the way, you start the year off strong in January with a great plan to hit your goals. You hire the trainer, you sign up for the class, you start journaling, you get up early, you bookmark some job sites, all of the things that we think are going to take us to that place we want to be in the new year, then life starts to get in the way, you slip a little you get distracted, you miss one week, then you really start to miss some of those goals and you don't see the impact you wanted. And your motivation drops and drops and drops, which is natural, you're not seeing the impact because you aren't taking the steps to get there. I've been there. I've been there this year. And like I said, we are not alone. According to a psychological study, 64% of people abandon their resolutions after just one month. Personally, I have not gotten on the peloton as much as I wanted to. It's not because I don't want to I love doing it. But something isn't clicking, I've got a blocker, and I can't figure out what that is. So I actually work with my own wellness coach to figure out what is blocking me from getting that goal. So you can do the same, you could also be part of that 36% That actually hit their goals. And I can be that person to help you. I work with people one on one to help them get unstuck and shine bright in their career in life. My unstuck framework helps people specifically unshackle yourself from your current mindset, ie let go of the past and remove labels. Nail your new career target, identify where you want to go next, slay your skills. In other words, identifying your transferable skills. Talk to everyone. This is just networking one on one stuff that we'll go through so that you feel more comfortable reaching out to people, then we're going to unlock your new brand. So how do we position yourself through your resume through LinkedIn through telling your story for the thing that you're trying to achieve? Then you're going to crush your interviews, which is just a bunch of prep practice, and working through what kind of questions you might get and how to talk through some of the gaps that you might have. So that you can kick butt in your career, you're going to land the gig and set yourself up for success. So do you want to get unstuck sound like something that you might need a little help with. That's why I'm here. And the amazing thing is that it's not just about your career, it's actually about living the life that you want to live that's right for you in this moment. That's what this is all about. That by working together, you'll gain the tools that you need the support, you need the confidence you need to identify the right career path, and land a new job to shine bright both at work and in life. So if all this sounds good, and you're sitting there going, oh my gosh, I don't want to be part of the two thirds that doesn't hit their goals so soon in their career. You can email me directly at Karen at Karen de weeks.com. Or use any of the links in the podcast to connect with me through my website, on my Instagram or through LinkedIn. Let's connect to help you achieve your goals this year and shine at work. Now onto our regularly scheduled programming. Hello, my friends. I hope you had a great week. Thank you so much for coming back and listening to another episode of shine at work. We are diving into stories and advice to help you navigate your career, get unstuck and shine your brightest at work and in life. Today, I want to talk about something that is really near and dear to my heart. Not that all the other topics aren't as well. But this one really speaks to me personally. It's about the voices in our head that can hold us back. These may be the voices of other people, the voices of our past our own voice telling us the real or perceived truths in that truth is in quote, but it keeps us from doing something that we want to do. And we've all been there. responsible people don't do X, nice, people don't do why you were raised to do Z, or we raised you to be z, you can't achieve that because of a, the right thing to do is B. I know I'm supposed to do see any of that sound familiar? Maybe just a little bit. Friends, I personally live in my head way too much, you have no idea how quickly I was able to create the list of those voices in my head that I just mentioned, as I was prepping for this episode. So just because I think we should be sharing and being vulnerable with each other. Some of the examples in my head are, I was supposed to have kids, I can't believe I still live in the city at 45. I was supposed to start a retirement fund back in my 20s. And I didn't, I barely started it in my late 30s. Once I joined the corporate world, I'm supposed to just climb the corporate ladder, and put my head down and work really, really hard to achieve all the things I want to achieve. I want to achieve by the way, I want certain things in my life, or I'm supposed to want certain things in my life instead of just going to the movies and concerts. But they're sort of like adult things I should be doing. I should have sticked with a career because that's what I started with. Or that's what I found, or that's what I went to school with. Instead of thinking about different things at different points in my life. I should be making responsible financial decisions. By the way, that voice isn't wrong. Like you want to make smart financial decisions. But you should make the financial decisions that feel right for you. And what's for what's important to you. I should smile, be nice. Don't ruffle feathers avoid conflict. Oh, and by the way, I'm not athletic. So those may or may not be the voices in your head. Everybody has their own stuff. Everybody has their own baggage. Everyone has things that they are constantly thinking about as they make decisions as they think about do I want to do this or I don't want to do that. What's important to me what brings me joy. But those are the things that go through my head. And so it's why when I turned 40 A few years ago, I went skydiving, and I did a Spartan Race, because I wanted to prove to myself that I can, and I loved it. And by the way I did. But responsible people don't jump out of planes. I'm not athletic, what was I doing doing a Spartan Race. But I wanted to show that I could be the things that make me feel uncomfortable, I could do the things that were interest to me because they were of interest to me. And that was okay. So What expectations do you carry around? Are they expectations that you've put on yourself? Or expectations that you've gotten from others? And where did they even come from? And how are they holding you back in your career or your life today. So in today's episode, I'm going to talk you through part of a self talk exercise that I do with my clients to help you let go of your past, shed expectations in quiet that self talk voice in your head that's not serving you. So first, let's start with how you see yourself. Here are some prompts that I use to help you really reflect on how you see yourself. So first, what do you say about yourself? What do you say to yourself? What are those descriptors that you use when you describe yourself to someone or you have to do one of those performance evaluations at work? Or you do a quiz in a magazine? If those even existed anymore? I think I just dated myself. So what do you say about yourself? Or what do you say to yourself? Some of the things could have been good at one point in your life, but might not serve you or might be become a more of a burden on yourself in life. So for example, for me, one of the things I've always said about myself is I'm very organized, I get stuff done, and I'm very responsible. Those are probably usually pretty positive things. And they were my whole life. Right? It got me through school. It made me a good family member, it may be a good student. It made me the friend that always organized everything and made me a really supportive partner. But in my 30s When we were going through some tough financial times, I was supposed to be the responsible one. So I took all that pressure on instead of opening up to people, including my own partner that we needed help. So that was a time Were my positive attributes I used to always tell about myself, actually weren't hurting me. So what do you say to yourself or about yourself? What makes you unique? I think a lot of times we think if it's easy for us, others must do it as well. But this is something that other people throughout this season are going to be talking about when it comes to personal brand and competence and being the goat What is special to you really do some self reflection? Personally, I like to think it's a balance of both having the ability to get stuff done and being very action oriented, but also being very supportive and listening, and figuring out how I can support someone so that I'm meeting you where you need to be met. I think I hopefully do that as a friend, in my family, and now with my clients. So what makes you unique? What do you expect of yourself? So this may be something that you have put on yourself, or you're bringing it in from others. But what do you expect of yourself? So maybe you've been really lucky in your career, and you've worked really hard and had a lot of success. And so therefore, you always expect yourself to be successful. Well, what happens if you are unhappy in something? Or what happens if you are in a role that isn't right for you? How do you work through that? Well, if you see yourself as someone who is always successful, and you expect very high things of yourself, that might be a really hard thing to tackle and figure out how to work through because of the expectations you have for yourself. What are you denying about yourself or your life? For me, it was part of the whole, I want to do new things, I want to have some adventure, I want to take some risk. And that was surprising to me, because the whole reason why I left theater back in the day was because it was too risky. And so as I started working for startups, or I started doing new things in my life, or I launched a side business, those were all things that were risky to me and felt uncomfortable. And so at first I thought, Oh, that's not what I do, because that's not what I did back in theater. But actually now first of all, it's 20 plus years later, so I'm a totally different person with a whole different lifestyle. So it's okay maybe to take more risks, or I'm taking them in a much more calculated way. Or I feel like I'm doing it in a way that does serve me versus feeling like so out of control and where things were not comfortable for me, there's uncomfortable and then there is like, this is not right for me. And those are two very different things. Alright, so those are some of the questions I asked my clients about, how do you see yourself. And as you reflect on those, you might start seeing some themes come through that will help you think about how to turn some of those negative to negativity into positive thoughts, or let go of some of these things that are holding you back or sitting on your shoulders and creating a burden in your life. So now let's focus on positive talk versus what might feel like negative self talk. So just think for a second, when you talk about yourself to others. Do you use positive language? So one thing that I have always personally done is whenever someone gives me a compliment, I brush it off. Oh, that's a really cute haircut. Yeah, you know, I thought I'd try something else. I'm not really sure. Or I really love that shirt. You think so? Yeah. I mean, it's a bolder color that I'm used to, but I thought maybe I try it. Or that was an amazing job on that project, like, kudos to you for getting all that done. Oh, thanks. You know, I couldn't have done it without so and so. Or, you know, it was pretty easy, or it wasn't that hard. So I always put an asterix on anytime someone gave me a compliment. So what I tried to do instead is say, Thank you, I really do love this haircut, or yes, you know, I'm kind of excited about this purple, or, yeah, that project was a lot of hard work. I loved it. And I'm so proud of the work that we did. Don't Why do I always put an asterisk on things? So do you use positive language when speaking about yourself, or when others give you compliments? Now, what is an example of negative self talk? We all have one, there's something that you say about yourself that's negative. So what I used to say, and by the way, this, this is coming from my therapy session. So there you go. This is like real vulnerable stuff here. I used to always say I'm not creative. And I'd say that because my family is very musically talented. I was a stage manager versus an actor. I then left the arts. My husband is extremely talented when it comes to creativity. He can pick up a camera and take a beautiful picture out of nowhere. or he can write a song out of nowhere. That's not the way I'm creative. And so therefore, I would say, Well, I'm not creative. But that's not true. I created this all figured podcast out of nowhere, like I wrote all of this to, you know, the other day, without any prompting, like, this is all my own stuff. This is all original stuff. I create training materials, I help companies create their culture, I create a lot of things. It may not be with a paintbrush, but that doesn't mean it's not creative. So what's an example of your negative talk? Now let's flip that? How can you replace that with positive thoughts. So using my creativity, for example, if my negative talk is that I'm not creative, my positive thought is, these are the things I do create. And this is the way I am creative. And it's amazing how just using those different words, has really changed my perspective on not just the work that I do. But the contributions that I bring to teams or to different things that I do. Heck, even doing those little coloring books that you know, were really popular for a while, I was always doing abstract ones and picking random colors. That's a version of creativity. So how can you replace that negative talk that you have with a positive thought? And then what evidence can you use to support that positive thought. So if the negative thought is I'm not creative, replace it with I am creative in my own way. And here are ways that I have been creative in that new way or in the way that I am creative. And now find ways to integrate that into your life. Find ways to talk about that in this new light. So I'll even say I've created programs before I create this podcast every week, so that I'm using that word in my everyday life. I've even used it to help other people recognize things in themselves. Honestly, it's what sparked a lot of my work around self talk. And the worksheet that I created that I'll share with you in this episode. And these questions that I'm referring to this is what creates a self talk is a recognizing it and then integrating it into your life in a different way. And then finally, I want you to remember that you can overcome obstacles. So when you let go of those expectations, or let go of those burdens, or feel like you can't do something because something is blocking you. That might even be a real blocker, you may not have time in your day right now to do something, you may not have the financial flexibility to just up and quit your job. Or there may not be a next step in your current organization to take the promotion that you're looking for. So it might be a real obstacle. I want to say that, you know, I'm not saying that everything we do is perceived. But what we can do about it may not be as open minded as we are picturing right now. And part of that could be because we think we can't do something, or it's not feasible, or it's not an option for us. So whether your obstacle is real or perceived, which is obviously the first step of this little exercise is to figure out if it's real or perceived. In order to figure out what you can do about it, sometimes it's helpful to remember, we can overcome an obstacle to quote my girl Glennon Doyle, who I have so become obsessed with over the last year, we can do hard things. So what's an example from your past of an obstacle that you overcame? Maybe you got into a school that you didn't think you're gonna get into, maybe you got a job at a company that you know, was sort of a big pie in the sky kind of goal. Maybe you got to work on a project that you didn't think you are going to be able to work on. Maybe you move to a new city, made a really tough relationship work ran a marathon, I don't know whatever the thing is, what is an obstacle that you overcame? Because you have overcome things in your life? Whether you're giving yourself credit or not, you have? So think about an obstacle that you've overcome. And then how can you apply that to a perceived obstacle today? So again, going back to my own world, ever since we had that financial troubles many, many years ago, I've always been very worried about our finances, because I've been so afraid we're gonna go back to that, even though we're not going to we're in a totally different place. I just carry that with me. So when I thought about starting a side hustle, I was very anxious about creating that ambiguity in the finances. How am I going to charge people I know what it's like not to be able to afford anything. How can I ever charge someone something for something? How do I think about what I can spend versus what I'm bringing in all of the things? So first of all, I proactively got a financial coach maybe sooner than my business needed. But I needed that partner to help me build that confidence and teach me some things that I was very uncomfortable with. Shout out to Sarah young for that. And then I also recognized the learnings I've had from the past, and that I have made smart financial decisions since then. So I know I will do it smart this time around. So I had an obstacle in my past, I was perceiving it as something that might hold me back today. And I figured out a way to work through it. So what's an obstacle that you're feeling today? And when is a time that you've overcome something? And how can you apply that to what you're going through today? So as we wrap up this episode, I'm going to ask those questions again, that I asked the beginning of the episode. What expectations do you carry around? Are they your expectations? Or expectations of others? Where did those expectations even come from? And how are they holding you back in your career or in your life? But here's a bonus one. How can you replace them with things that will serve you in your career and in your life? Who is a role model for you and your career? This is not meant to be comparison. This is not about oh, I wish I was that person and shaming you because you're not there yet. But who is someone that you really admire? And how can they inspire you and set a new expectation of what you can be. So maybe this is someone from the same area that you grew up. Or maybe this is someone who took an on traditional career path. Maybe this is someone who became a female leader in an organization like ones that you are interested in, or really serve their community, whatever it is. But they will remind you that you can also do it. That's the point of finding a role model or someone you admire, not to compare yourself to them. But to remind you that you can do it too. What are some of your recent accomplishments that you need to celebrate, that you want to give yourself credit for? And then how can that be your new self talk, the ICANN statements versus the I can't. So really, let's celebrate something, it doesn't have to be huge, even just something you got through the week of a really stressful week, you wrapped up a really stressful project, you found time to do five push ups, whatever is important to you remember, Aaron Galloway talked a lot about how you form habits, maybe you accomplished finding one of the habits that you want to start working on and you've made some steps to it. What are some examples of things in your past that you've overcome, or tried for the first time or did something that you weren't, quote unquote, supposed to? And then you thrived because of it. You've had fun. You felt energized? You know, so often we talk about the baggage of our past. Well, if you think about those things that you've overcome, or you tried, or you did something that was uncomfortable, and it felt good, how can you make that the luggage you carry with you moving forward, get it baggage versus luggage? Why not? Like always, in these episodes, I challenge you to do one thing differently today. So far, we have had a couple of guests that have really talked about creating habits, avoiding burnout, or how to handle burnout when it happens, recognizing the unique, great things that we have. And we've hopefully helped you change a couple of small things in your life because of those episodes. So today, my challenge to you is pick one of the things we talked about today. Pick something that you are carrying around with yourself, pick something that you have as a perceived or real expectation of yourself. How can you change that? What is a way that you describe yourself that you can change to be more positive than negative? What's holding you back? What's an obstacle that you can overcome? Because you know, you can now because you've recognized that you can overcome things. So just pick one thing that you're going to change, and how you're going to perceive things differently. And how you're going to perceive yourself differently and all that you can do differently. And always, I'm in this with you. So my way of removing the negative self talk, the past baggage that doesn't serve me and the expectations of others, is I'm going to do a gratitude exercise of all the things in the last couple of years that I've done that were quote unquote, outside of the norm that made me happy. So that's my commitment to you. What are you going to commit to yourself because when you find the things that give you energy, that give you confidence that make you happy, you will shine brighter, and we all deserve to shine at work and in life. Have a great week. Thank you so much for listening to the shine at work podcast. If you enjoyed Today's episode, please subscribe and leave a review. Leaving a review takes just a few minutes and truly helps other people find the podcast. If you want to learn more about how I work with people to help transform their careers, and shine brightly in their lives, let's connect. I work with amazing humans one on one, to help them make a career change, go for that promotion, set career goals, and build a plan for success for a new job. I also lead group programs for new managers that are navigating this huge change in their careers, and entrepreneurs who are building their teams for the first time. If any of that sounds like it could be helpful for you. You can email me directly at Karen at Karen de weeks.com. or message me through Instagram, LinkedIn or my website. I just want to give a final shout out as always to astronaut go home for our music and novice studios for making the podcast come to life. Until next time, remember that you can and deserve to shine at work