77 | Kicking Imposter Syndrome To The Curb and Owning Everything That Makes You Great With Erin Breeden

In this week's episode, I spoke with Erin Breeden about “imposter syndrome”, what it is and how it shows itself in different ways.  Her journey took her into a successful career in marketing and public relations. She worked in public relations agencies, as a marketing director and an editor-in-chief of a bridal magazine.  While she loved each industry, Erin couldn’t find the job of her dreams that would use each skill set she had acquired.  She felt really stuck and wondered why she just wasn't happy in any of those roles that she loved and always feeling like an imposter. So she created it for herself, founding her own company, Blue Tide Creative, helping others tell their story and making sure their message matches their mission and get them out in front of their intended audience and most of all to be yourself because YOU ARE AMAZING!

In this episode, you will specifically learn how to…

• Stop hiding who you are - quit saying “why me?” and trying to fit into a mold in your career that is outdated and frankly boring!
• Have confidence in yourself - learn to be your authentic self and not the person others expect, sit quietly and ask yourself what is it that you REALLY want.
• Get out of your own way - take the risk, stop believing in obstacles, the things that hold you back because “that's the way it has always been” or because someone said it has to be that way.

Helpful link…

Self-Talk Exercise 

More about Erin…

Erin founded Blue Tide Creative, a strategic communications firm, in 2015. She has worked at PR agencies, led marketing departments, and was the editor-in-chief of a magazine. Specializing in brand strategy, public relations and content creation, Erin ensures that clients stand out from the crowd by maximizing all communications and marketing investments.

How to connect with  Erin…

Website
Twitter
Linkedin
Instagram
Blue Tide Creative Instagram

Interested in working with Erin…

In the spirit of saying F*ck You to Imposter Syndrome, Erin is offering a free 30-minute pep talk call for two lucky listeners who sign up for her newsletter by May 31, 2022. 

Do you want to talk through your feelings about imposter syndrome? Have a question about marketing, public relations, or

Welcome to the Shine at Work Podcast! On this show, your co-hosts Karen and Dan will shine a light on your job search so you can land a role that lets you flex your strengths and progress your career in an environment you actually look forward to working in each day. From creating a stand-out resume, to confidently negotiating your salary, to finding your footing as a new manager, you can expect to hear actionable advice to help you shine your brightest in your role.

Karen D. Weeks is the CEO and Chief Career Coach of Shine at Work Coaching. She has over twenty years of HR experience, including as CPO at Ordergroove.

Dan Carr is a Shine at Work Career Coach with over a decade of recruiting experience helping high-growth startups expand with top talent.

Connect with Us!

• Website
• Instagram
• Karen Weeks on LinkedIn
• Dan Carr on LinkedIn

Transcript

Karen Weeks: 0:02

Hello my friends welcome to the shine network podcast. I'm your host Karen weeks. As a transformation career coach and culture and people leader. My goal is to help career oriented humans get unstuck, so that they can shine brighter in business and in life. I believe that you deserve a career that lights you up. Because spoiler alert, it also impacts how bright you shine in your life. This season. Each week, we will focus on a key skill that you need to shine at work, and inspirational stories on ways to navigate your career. Because I know what it feels like when your light is dim. I made a career change from theater to HR, and now expanded to coaching. And at times in my life, I had to take a look deep inside to see what was most important, what made me shine bright, and make adjustments along the way. It's possible. I did it, my guest did it. And I help others do it every day. I hope you walk away from each episode not just inspired, but with some actionable advice. And I hope that you find it so valuable that you subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, and tell your friends because we all deserve to shine bright in our lives, specifically at work. Okay, let's jump in into this week's episode. Hi, everyone, I am so excited to be here with my friend Erin, Erin and I have known each other for I guess a little over a year now give or take. And I have been so impressed both with her as a business owner, how she's navigated her career, how she thinks about helping other people in their businesses. And, you know, we're gonna really focus on impostor syndrome today, because I think that's something that a lot of us feel throughout our journeys. It's actually what Erin helps people with as part of their branding and communication strategies. So, so excited to have you here. Welcome. Her energy is also amazing. So I'm so excited to have her to share that with you,

Erin Breeden: 1:52

guys. Thank you, Karen, thank you so much for inviting me on today on your podcast, very honored. And I love that we're we're talking about something that for some is very uncomfortable of imposter syndrome.

Karen Weeks: 2:04

Well, I love it. Let's go there. Well, we talked about this a little bit in the prep. But you know, we're also going to kind of talk about it shows itself in different ways. So you may not even realize that's what you're feeling, but it's coming through with a different emotion. So we're gonna go into all of those different areas. But first, I want to give you a chance to introduce yourself and kind of walk us through a little bit of your own career

Erin Breeden: 2:25

journey. Yes. So hello, world. I'm Erin Breeden I am CEO and head mermaid of blue tide creative. Yes, I said head mermaid because as Karen has heard me say before, if you take that opportunity to take a risk on yourself and take a leap into entrepreneurship, you should be able to give yourself whatever title you want. And also, it's a great way to weed out people who don't want to necessarily work with you and that you don't want to work with. Yeah, my my career path, I've been very fortunate. My background is in marketing and public relations. And throughout my career journey before I found a blue tie creative, I, you know, had these opportunities to work in PR agency life, I've worked in house as a marketing director. And I even had an incredible opportunity to be a editor in chief of a magazine, a bridal magazine, which is really juicy stuff. They're gonna be a whole podcast, and all the things I heard and learned in the bridal industry. But you know, I think overall, my career path has been storytelling, you know, whether it is telling someone's story in a traditional journalistic aspect of you know, on in a on digital or paper or whatever magazine. And also in House of telling stories of my client, I always consider everybody a client, even though it was my job, just to make sure people knew what was going on. And then PR was really interesting, because there was always so much going on, you know, you had one client had a product launch, one client had this one client had that. And I loved so much about each industry. And I kept trying to find a job or an opportunity that would allow me to do everything and to use those skill sets. And when I couldn't, and I felt really stuck, you know, this is where we'll talk about impostor syndrome is, you know, why can't I just be happy in this this role? Why am I feeling like I'm bursting at the seams. And that's when I really had a moment of, I think it's time for you to go out on your own and serve your clients the way you want to and work in the way you want to. So now with that, I'm able to take all that experience and blue tie creative is a firm that specializes in overall communications, strategy, branding, ensuring that anyone that I work with that their messaging matches their mission, and that we get them out to whatever audience As they're looking to get in front of, well, and I

Karen Weeks: 5:03

think it's so amazing how you talked about a couple of things that I think are going to continue through our conversation. So first of all, storytelling, and so whether that is through being able to confidently tell your own story and the story that you put out there into the world, but also the ability to, I know sometimes when people are thinking about changing jobs, or making a career change, they have the imposter syndrome come through of, yeah, but I can't do something like that, or people don't do that, or that's too big of a jump. But, you know, you talked about different roles that you had, and you use the through line of storytelling. So I think when people can find that connective tissue through all the things that they're able to do, that helps their confidence around, oh, maybe I actually can do this, because I have always been doing it, it just may have looked differently.

Erin Breeden: 5:49

Oh, absolutely. And I love that you pointed out because you know, whether you're looking for a new job, or you're taking a leap into a different industry, you're right, there can always be that common thread of storytelling, or whatever it is that you do that, you know, you know, I'm touching this, like, I'm really good about, you know, I can always say, I'm really good about getting information out of people, I always see when I meet with clients or others, like, they have a script that they're going to tell me about, oh, I graduated here, and I did this. And that's great for your about section of your website. But if you're trying to engage an audience, or you're trying to engage the media, they need to know a little bit more about you. So it's always, I always thought even, you know, before I was an editor, I did take journalism classes, like I was really good investigator, you know, like Comey, kind of getting under the facade and seeing you know, kind of the the wizard behind the curtain if you will. But but that is it is it's you know, we can we can get caught up in titles, we can get caught up in what the industry is, and I've never been in that industry. But if you have a skill set that can translate into whatever they're doing, absolutely. Go for it.

Karen Weeks: 7:00

Well, and I also love what you said about authenticity for yourself. I know. So Erin, and I work together in a couple of different ways. But one thing that she really helped me do was around some of my messaging around, you know, shining bright, and with Kristin helping coming up with the title of this podcast, it was all sort of coming together. And you do you really find a way to pull out of people what is already there, but you help them identify it for themselves. And I think that's something that is very special and unique, that really helps people be who they want to be. And that's if you're going to have confidence and overcome impostor syndrome, part of it is you have to feel like you're putting your your best foot forward, not the foot that other people want you to put forward

Erin Breeden: 7:44

here because I think when people see, you know, people, you know, shining, or, you know, the mermaid out here swim in or whatever I'm doing today. It lets them realize that it's okay to be me, you know, and that's the most important thing is, you know, I think so many times we especially in corporate America, we get bogged down with we have to do this, this is the way it's always done this the status quo, don't shake the boat, like, you know, this is how it has to be. But that's boring. And it's really to all of us. I know from I think pretty much everybody who's in my life you like we're not boring. So why are you trying to hide who we are to fit this bubble that was basically constructed, you know, 40 plus years ago by somebody else?

Karen Weeks: 8:35

Well, and I think that's really a great point. Because when I think about times that I have felt imposter syndrome. It's because on paper, I have recognized that I should be there. I deserve to be there, whatever. But I go through that, well, why me? Like, there are so many other brilliant HR leaders who could be giving this talk. There are so many other people that can be doing XY and Z. So why did they want me? And it's actually exactly what you were just talking about that they wanted me because of something that I bring to the table because I'm Karen weeks versus so and so who's Sally Smith or, you know, Todd so and so like they wanted me. And so that's where I've actually felt the most uncomfortable is the why me part. So how can how do people start working through that? So when you hear someone say something like that, like what do you pull out of them to say, This is why you like this is why you should be proud and confident of who you are.

Erin Breeden: 9:28

Yeah, I think it's well for me when I'm talking to somebody, I ask a lot of questions. And it's that moment where you see the smile happen and the eyes light up and you realize, okay, that's what somebody's passionate about. I think it goes to you know, one of the hardest things we can ever do is have a conversation with ourselves you know, with a conversation with ourselves that's not like oh my gosh, you need to lose weight or you need to do that. It's like no like were you sitting in it? Because you probably are already feel been uncomfortable, and you're probably like, something's off and you've pushed it down, pushed it down. The hardest thing we can do one of the most rewarding things anybody can do, if they don't have me around to be like, let's talk about this, is sit quietly and just say, you know, what is it that I want? What is the more because usually, if you have that feeling of I want more or this is uncomfortable, or, you know, you're you're ready to bust out of something, but you don't know what it is. That's the moment when you need to sit quietly and have a conversation with yourself, which I think sounds easy when you say it. But it's also sometimes the hardest conversations ever, because you're, you know yourself inside and out. But it's being completely honest with yourself and seeing that. And I always say, you have to sit in the discomfort. You know, because that's where the magic happens is when you start to you're in the discomfort and you have to peel away the layers that you've put up or that others have put around you. And that's where the magic happens. Because I think it's really your passion. I always talk about your sparkle, your shine. So I always love that about you. Is there something that makes each of us uniquely different? And the difference is, are we willing to take a risk on ourselves and find out what that is? Or are we just guess, just let it, you know, just kind of push it down and be like, No, this is fine. I'm fine. This is great. I'll take that 2% Raise this year, that's not really a great thing. I'm not going to fight for myself, I'm just going to sit here.

Karen Weeks: 11:38

All right, my friends, we're getting towards the mid part of the year. How are you doing against your career goals? Are you feeling a little stuck? Were you hoping to make more progress than you have? Have you talked to your manager about hoping to get a promotion or make an internal move or take on new projects, and you haven't seen that quite come to fruition yet. Or maybe you're approaching the middle of the year and you're going oh my god, I still have no idea what I want to do, or I don't know what I want my goals to be over the next couple of years, or for the rest of this year even? Well, let me tell you how I can help you. We talk a lot about career changers on this podcast. And that's true. A lot of folks that I work with are trying to make some sort of career change. But I also work a lot with people who are just trying to identify their career goals, and figure out where they want to go in their career. And it's very possible that there are lots of opportunities at your current role. Or maybe you just found that new opportunity and you're trying to set yourself up for success in your new company. Either way, I can help you identify what your goals need to be, how to talk to your manager about them. And then really identify a path forward to really help you achieve all those things that you're looking to achieve in your career. So if you're trying to figure out how to be successful this year, or in the future years, and you need a little help, let's connect, I can help you figure out a path forward and really make sure that you are shining at work for the rest of this year. And in future years. Finding those layers and letting go of some of that self talk or expectation from others. Those can be the loudest voices in our head sometimes, which is often what's leading to impostor syndrome around. I don't, I'm not worthy of that I don't deserve that. Good girls don't do that. Like, you know, all those sorts of things. You know, when I turned 40, I really wanted to sort of embrace the adult, I finally sort of figured out I wanted to become, and this is just a silly little thing. But I jumped out I did skydiving, I jumped out of a plane, because responsible people don't do that. Like Well, yeah, they can if they want to have a little fun and have a little adrenaline rush and try something that they've never done before. So effort, I jumped out of a plane and so but I think we put labels on ourselves or either because we feel it or we hear it from others. And that's one of the first things I think we need to shed. So I love how you describe like sitting with yourself for a while. What are those messages that you're hearing either in your voice or in others? And either let those go or sort of let them sit with you, but then figure out how you're going to work

Erin Breeden: 14:14

through them. Yeah. And I've had a moment where because I mean, of course I have impostor syndrome because I was in these positions, and I couldn't figure out you know, I remember of presenting ideas. And I was told, No, no, no, no, we don't present new ideas. We just tweak the ones that we've already done, because we know how to do those, or I present an idea and then I'd be asked what like the competitor was doing or what somebody else was doing because it had to have you know some kind of you know, prove proven stat that oh, it works because look, it's so and so did it but they did it like five years ago. And that just got me thinking like am I not supposed to think and that's the stupidest thing Everything is like, I'm not supposed to think. But, you know, I love what you said, I've, you know, I really when I sat with myself many years ago before I started actually really like it is honest with yourself as possible, quit your really high paying job with great benefits and go out on your own and then sit in that discomfort for a few years. But I had that moment where, you know, I was thinking, I was like, When did all this stuff because I remember my mom even told me she's like, I remember when you were like the girl that would look at me and be like, why? Okay, I'll do it. Watch me. You know, that used to be my thing when I was little, they'd be like, don't tell Aaron, she can't do anything. Because she'll look at you and be like, watch me. And maybe sometimes I got hurt, because I really shouldn't have done it. But, you know, I think it's sometimes we we have and I don't think it's always malice. I think a lot of it especially, you know, don't want to gender anything. But like I will say with women, we have well meaning women in our lives that have gone before us and have I mean, we've all gone through our own struggles and stories, but some that were the pioneers, they've seen it they did all these things, you know, they had to act like the boys club, they had to act a way that wasn't them. So I mean, I remember, mentors that I would have as I got up would be like, well remember to do this, and don't do this and do this. And don't do this and be seen not always heard. And if you're hurt, like there were all these things that were put on me that when you come out of especially college, you're like, bam, here I am. And then the first thing you hear is don't do this, don't do this. Oh, don't wear this. Don't say this, don't maybe you should tone down your accent or you know, just the little things where it's like, Okay, what's wrong with me? Oh, and I don't always think it's, you know, malicious. I think it's just people don't know, but any better. Yes, yeah. And then unfortunately, depending on where we are, who we are, how young we are. I mean, there's even stuff. You know, you said that thing that I hate. Good girls don't do. You know, and that's something well, meaning but even as children were already taught, good girls don't do this. You know, boys will be boys, there's already that divide of girls have to not act like themselves, they have to be this mold. And I don't know, if we can we can on your podcast, go for it. Fuck them all. You know, I mean, no, nobody had fun being a good girl you don't really like. And it's taking risks. And we're taught really not to take risks, or we're taught when we get into the workforce. If you're around people that have unfortunately had to mold themselves a certain way to get ahead. They're gonna think that's the way it has to be. And they're going to try to mold you, which of course feels like you're being told everything you do is wrong. Yeah. And, you know, I think it's just people are well intentioned. And I heard. You know, I always think about people who are well intentioned, they don't mean any harm. But I was at an event in 2021. Because I don't know how many when people are gonna listen to Evergreen, where new iconic fashion designer, Anna sweet was there. And she was giving this incredible talk. And someone raised their hand for a question and answer time, and was like, what's some of the obstacles that you've faced? And how have you overcome them? And she was like, I get this question a lot. And she goes, I'm pretty sure it's because I'm a woman. And she's like, I'm pretty sure it's because I'm Chinese first generation. Wow. And then her you know, I was like, oh, JC for setting this up. And then her answer, like, almost took my breath away. And the way she delivered it is she said, I don't believe in obstacles. It just like, I was like, every you could see kind of people turn around. And she did. She said, I don't believe in obstacles, because obstacles are either things that someone has put in front of you, or that you've put in front of yourself, because you believe what others have said, wow. And I just sat there. And I was like, huh, yeah. And it goes back to imposter syndrome. We allow all this outside noise to come in. And we have our insecurities and our fears. And those are fine, because we're always going to have them. But it's how we project that out. Does that make us quiet? Does it keep these great ideas we have secrets or company are so never benefit from this incredible insight. But the way she said it was just like, wow, and then she talked about, you know, her career and how she had to you know, she was like, you know, even if it was a no and a door was slammed. She was like, I knew there'd be another door that would open or if it was a soft no and a gentle shut of the door. Yeah, maybe that meant that that wasn't a finality that wasn't it and maybe I just needed to go back to the drawing board. And, you know, look at what they said and recreate things. Yeah. I always say, it's, you know, well, we've talked about this, because we've worked with Lauren Woodrick. Before is that sometimes we're on cop blocks? Yes. And it's like, why are we blocking ourselves from being happy and helping others? Especially, you know, when we talk about the workforce? Why are we preventing ourselves from from helping others and doing well?

Karen Weeks: 20:29

Well, it's so interesting, because the way you brought up sort of how we can get in our own ways, versus the ways other sort of get in our way, and how that sort of starts to manifest into what actually the behavior is, I think is so important, because I think at times, I felt impostor syndrome, because was I living the life I was supposed to be living? Or was I, you know, I was so driven in my career. And by the way, talk about like, positive reinforcement can sometimes also hinder you, I would get praised for the promotions, working really hard climbing the corporate ladder, like all of the things that should be a lot of good things. But I then took that on as a burden. And so whether that was, Do I actually like this job? Do I like where I'm living? You know, all the things that I was like, this is supposed to be really, really good. But something doesn't feel right. To me. My imposter syndrome was why, why aren't I feeling that way? Because I'm supposed to be in this perfect place, because I did all the things right. And I keep getting all the praise for it. And so I do think that impostor syndrome can look like different things, it doesn't mean, I'm like leaning away, because I'm scared or anxious or nervous about something, I could become a little more combative, I could be, like you said, a little quiet, I could come across as a little disengaged. So I think it can show itself in a lot of different ways. So as you think about either, as you've worked with folks or within yourself, how have you helped yourself kind of work through that moment? So I'm feeling this way. However, it's coming out into the world I'm feeling this way. How can I work through

Erin Breeden: 22:06

it? Yeah, I do. I love a good sit with it with myself moment. I do. For myself, personally, I journal it out. I really, after so many years of stifling that, I realized that that didn't work for me to push it down. You know, and then of course, it's like today, I'm going out on my own very dramatic fashion. But, you know, then you have to really turn inward on yourself. And I'm not telling I'm I'll never tell anyone to be an entrepreneur, business owner is hard. But find your happiness. And I think you have to figure out what that is. And I think what we don't do, which really causes impostor syndrome, and I think you've alluded to this is that something's not right, that feeling in the pit of your stomach. And then instead of dealing with that feeling and figuring out why we push it down so much, and then we internalize it in a way that something's wrong with me, because I should be feeling this this event. Yeah. And you know, it's always that like, you have this job, you do this, you're getting praise, people think you're doing great. But you know, it's again, that more feeling of is this it? Is this everything. And I didn't want that. And and you know, I was seeing, you know, especially agency life. You bill in 15 minute increments, Oh, gosh. And I hated that for myself, because I'll be completely honest, I was so excited to talk to a client or whatever I was doing. I didn't hit the timer on the computer thing to track it. Yeah. And then I'd have to go back and be like, What did I do this week? What happened? But then I also thought it was like, do I really want to live my life in 15 minute increments and start beating myself up? Because I didn't hit the timer at the right time? Yeah. And then that became the Oh, you're so disorganized, or why can't you be more active? Why can't you do it? And it just became this cycle. And really what the start was, is, this isn't how I want to work. This isn't how I want to be. And instead of addressing it, it turned into things where I started internalizing.

Karen Weeks: 24:15

Yeah, yeah. Well, and I think to the other thing that really just spoke to me, as you're telling your story about how it was starting to manifest for you is finding people you can talk to so you mentioned earlier, you know, mentors have the best intention of you know, well, don't do this or try this or avoid this. But how can mentors or communities that you're a part of be vulnerable with each other and share some of our stories around this is how it felt for me. This is how I worked through it. I sat with it, I journaled it, I realized what was feeling off, so that we can help promote it with others and make them give them the space to say, I don't feel right about something, whether they literally call it impostor syndrome or not. I don't worry about the term but something doesn't feel right. I don't feel like I'm living my true self. I don't feel connected to the work that I'm doing. If you put that into a community or ask a mentor about it, it says on us to come back to you with, oh, I can completely understand. This is personally how it felt like, to me, this is my personal moments of feeling a similar way. So that we can help lift them up versus stifle it or, or feed into it even further.

Erin Breeden: 25:27

Yeah, and I think that's the big thing of, again, it all, it's all well intentioned, but I guess one of the best things mentors and communities can do is listen to each other. And not already have those canned talks, because I remember having a conversation once and it was hope. But if you're here, and for two years, that looks so good on your resume. So if you can just tough it out. And when I say those two years suck, they were horrible. Like, it was awful. You know, I had, yeah, I think the biggest thing that mentor community can do is a if you're gonna say you're gonna mentor somebody, you gotta listen to somebody. Yeah. And be, you've got to be willing, if you want them to tell you when to come with you with things, you've got to be willing to share your story. Yeah, you know, because it sounds great to be a mentor and all that stuff. But if you're not willing to get in the weeds, and really show what you did, because, you know, it's always anything, you know, you see a and you see maybe em where somebody is, you don't see the messy middle. And I think people sometimes are afraid to talk about that. The messy middle is what I think really forms community. And what really forms trust is because we're not perfect. And, you know, I think with with mentorship, and if anyone else is looking for a mentor, you know, really look at someone who they don't have to necessarily be in your business, they don't have to work with you, professional or somebody that you respect. And, you know, really, you know, if they listen to you and let you speak and not interrupt and not interject, or not trying to talk you out of things, they should be talking with you on things not to talk you out of or even talk you through. They should be with you and to touch points of well, how are we feeling right now? You know, it's not fixing it. And it's not a quick fix. It has to be, you're willing to go and be you know, we talked about authenticity. It's true, we still have to say the word because some people don't embrace it. And we have to be if we want people to give us their trust, we have to be trustworthy in return.

Karen Weeks: 27:40

Yeah. Well, and I love what you said about it's a journey. Yeah. So I often think about, I don't know if you've ever watched the TV show 30 Rock, but there's an episode where Jack like the big executive guy has to give a speech, and he's like in the bathroom like hyping himself up. And I think sometimes we think that's what we have to do to like, get through that moment of feeling like an impostor. And that might get you through that moment. But I actually want people to not have that moment to begin with. And so how can we help ourselves through mentors, through, you know, coaches through our own self work, or just, you know, talking to friends and family or whoever you trust in your life? To actually figure out what is causing that to begin with? And then yes, tools are helpful, but how can we actually help you get to the point where you don't feel those things as often not just how do you get through that moment?

Erin Breeden: 28:28

There's always, you know, the hyping thing, you know, gotta have got to hype up ourselves with competence. But I think, you know, we need also some of our confidence. I always like to say someone always said, because we talk about, we'll talk about him later, we'll talk about chat and a little bit. But confidence doesn't always equal competence. Yeah. So, you know, I love that saying, because it's also like, imagine if you have confidence in how competent you are. Nothing can touch. Yeah. And I think, you know, as we're talking about, like, mentorships, and things that we can do, I think we have to not be afraid to toot our own horn. You know, it's like, you can get praise for what you did 16 hours today and look at the good work that you did, and you brought in so much new billable work or whatever it is, you know, yes, that praise is great. It's not, as you've said, and I think I've alluded to, it's not sustainable because 16 hour days will wreak havoc on you. You know, mentally personally like every spiritually everything. But I think if you sit there and this is something I do, so maybe this is a tip, anytime I finished a project or anytime I have like a big meeting or something, I sit down afterwards and I say okay, what did I do really, really well that I'm like, Yes, that's right there. And then I also sit there at the same time and say, Okay, what could have been better and it's not to put myself down. It's to learn and It's not even I wouldn't even say constructive criticism. It's just like, okay, so what could have been better? Okay, well, I could have gotten this maybe delivered a day sooner, or it would have been great. If I included this paragraph in there as like a summary. I'll do that next time. And then I turned it into a press process, so that the next time I do it, I can sit there and be like, don't forget this paragraph and don't forget them. But I think it's one of those things where we have to be kinder to ourselves to Yes, and I think that's the biggest thing is taking a moment to say like what we do? Well, you know, it's one of the things I think of all those things were like, you get asked, like, what are the three things that you do really well? Or what is this? You know, whether it's a job application, or you take one of those surveys, where it's like, what are your three strengths? What do you think your your strengths are? What do you think your three weaknesses? I don't think anybody has a weakness, I think we just have areas of improvement, or it's an area where we accept that maybe as we go for, we're gonna delegate that

Karen Weeks: 31:00

off to somebody else. Exactly. Yes, it's okay.

Erin Breeden: 31:03

There's a solution to everything. But we can't beat ourselves up. And we have to make sure that through our journey, or congratulating ourselves, I love that

Karen Weeks: 31:11

side note, we don't have to do it all, we actually can invite other experts to join us on the journey, whether that's just to sort of tap their brain a little bit or like, literally work with them. But yeah, we don't actually have to know it all ourselves. No, no, and we can admit

Erin Breeden: 31:25

that we don't know at all, we were talking about a few. One of the worst things I think that has ever been coined is fake it till you make it, yeah. It, fake it till you make it. And I've seen we talked about it, I've seen it in action, where, you know, you don't know something, but you're in this meeting to talk about it. And either you are going to pull some BS out of your butt. Or you're gonna sit there and you're going to be quiet, you're gonna be distant, and you're gonna be hoping you don't get called on. Because you don't want anyone know that you didn't do the homework or that you don't know what's going on. Whereas, you know, and I've seen it where people have lashed out at others, you know, because they didn't want to be found out. Or they'll throw somebody else on the bus where it's like, oh, yeah, you know, Jim, I think that's a great idea. But maybe we should hear from Susan. You know, like Susan's looking at you like, really, and it's so you know, I just I've seen it in different ways where they get to your make, it is horrible. It doesn't work. It causes internal stress and strife. It's like you're at an exam day. But you know, you're in your, like, 20s or 30s. Nobody needs to have exam day, unless they're going back to school for that, like, nobody needs that. Yeah, it's again, having that moment of being like, sorry, I need to research that or even just like, like competently saying, because you can say, I don't know, very confidently, you know, where you're like, oh, you know, I want to research that a little bit more, but I'm happy to get you my opinion by end of the day, yes. Yeah. You know, or something like that, where it shows competence and competence, and also, willingness to say, you know, I don't know that, but I'm going to, because I think also too, yeah, fake it till you make. It's just one of the worst things that I think anybody could ever try to do, because it already adds stress on you. And it's just, it's not good. And again, we can say, with confidence and competence, that we don't understand something, and we don't have to throw a poor Susan, under the bus, you know, or we don't have to, you know, kind of say things that people are probably looking at you like, do you even know what that word means? That all the acronyms like, oh, well, the KPI of that, and people are looking at you like, Yeah, I mean, use big words. So maybe

Karen Weeks: 33:50

use the right jargon. So clearly, she's qualified. Well, and I think too, it's also not going to even get you to the right answer. If you fake it in the moment, you'll actually get to the right answer by or a better answer or a more thoughtful answer to say, you know, I actually would love to think about that for a few hours, or can I come back to you tomorrow on that, because I want to take a step back and think about it a little more holistically, or whatever the right phrase is for you. But that is actually going to get you to the better answer as well. And so you'll actually perform better by admitting you need a little time to think about it.

Erin Breeden: 34:21

Yeah, I absolutely agree with that of, there's nothing better than when you do follow up with someone. I did this once. Here's a tip. I didn't know. And I said, Well, let me research it. And I'll give you my thoughts by the end of the day. And in the day, I was able to look at the proposal that we were dealing kind of look at what the client was talking about. And I came back with notes. And the notes were then incorporated into it. So that's a moment of, but it's again, yeah, you don't have to know everything and we can say but I'm gonna get you that by the end of the day. I'll get that to first thing tomorrow. And then you can sit in it and you can Show your brilliance. Yes,

Karen Weeks: 35:01

Yep, absolutely. I love that. Well, as we wrap up, I want to give you the chance to introduce Chad and talk about Chad.

Erin Breeden: 35:10

Bless Chad, um, this was something that I kind of had to do. And I think all of us if we've been in corporate America, and his name probably is not Chad Makeva her might be they, but I think it just the name that gives the perfect connotation for what we're trying to say. You know, Chad is somebody who did okay, in school, you know, really, his motivation wasn't maybe to, to do great service for clients, it was to make a lot of money or, and he never, you know, as he was growing up, he was never told to be the good girl. And don't do that, because you could get hurt. He was always told boys will be boys and wita and the world circles around you. And he, you know that I think we're starting to see this now where he comes into the meeting, is ill prepared. But he'll be the first to speak, he speaks loudly. And he speaks with so much competence, that you know, even you know, you're there and you prepared and you're ready to present your ideas, but you're watching how the room is responding to him, because he comes in with so much competence, even though they know he's full of shit. You know, so I always that was something that I always did for myself where I'm like, No, I am brilliant. And I know what I'm talking about. I'm going to channel my chat. Because imagine what can happen if you have the competence of a Chad, but your brilliance and your competence and what can happen. So I always say, you know, and I love even now as I go to meetings, and there's that one person that stands up and oh, yeah, we need to do this is what we need to do. And did it. And there's so much like competence and hype. And yeah, and people like nodding their heads, like they're feeding off the energy and the competence. And then you sit there and you're like, hey, Chad, that was awesome. What if we tried it this way? You went off the competence, but you bring in your Oh, yeah, that's usually if you say that, you'll get it. Yeah, that's good. I've been you get your chance to shine. So that's something that when I was really working on my imposter syndrome, especially when I was a marketing director in house, I worked with some attorneys and I, you know, that's one of the best things I ever did, because they expect things a certain way. And it taught me how to come in with, okay, they're gonna listen to me, I can't be like, Hey, guys, I thought about what you're doing this, like do you know, compensation, I have to be like, Hey, what's going on, and then they respond to like, energy and competence and not saying you have to come in and be like, Yo, a way that feels good to you, where you can present your confidence and you can capture a room and then present your brilliant ideas. And so, Chad helped me overcome impostor syndrome in the conference rooms as situations.

Karen Weeks: 38:08

I love you shared some of that in a in a meeting that we were in together and it just so stuck with me because I think anytime someone can visualize something, it rains it rings truer to them. So being the Chad just really stuck with me so I wanted to make sure we got that in

Erin Breeden: 38:25

the chat. He does this a lot. So you can see you know, moves around and you'd like to clanks and stuff like that. And he always you know crosses the legs weird knocker three computers shoes, and you know, Oh, those are brand shoes. Those aren't you know, Kohl's. Shout out to Kohl's. Maybe they sponsor us someday. But, um, but yeah, like there's there's certain things that you watch where you realize. And that's the thing is sometimes we're so put off by what others are doing around us or what others say to us, that we sometimes don't pay attention to actually what's happening. Yes, you know, because you can look at that and be like, okay, Chad, would feed off your energy and I'm gonna I'm gonna take over the meeting. Yeah, thanks, buddy. Or, or that, you know, we have those those well intentioned, meaning, you know, great job, you work so hard. Hey, imagine what you can do. You know, you did this in 16 hours. Imagine what you can do when you work two days at 16. And, you know, there's always something in the burden that you said, you know, well, meaning complements that become this extra burden. It's just everything is on your shoulders versus you working in a way that feels good to you. And, yeah, as I always like to remind everybody, especially with imposter syndrome, people are well intentioned. They don't mean to put these, you know, stifling obstacles in your way. Because remember, there are no obstacles unless you or someone else puts them there. Yes. And that Yeah. And that competence doesn't equal competence and, and sit with yourself. These are the thing I mean, it sounds so weird to say but to say what happened in year three of my business versus what year one was like, when the year three, I was like, something needs to change, because I'm doing great work for people, but I'm not doing. I'm not doing myself a service like I'm not doing myself proud. How do I change this? And that's why I say, you really got to sit with yourself. You know, give yourself a posted on the mirror every morning that hypes you up. That's like, hey, yesterday you did this, or hey, don't forget you overcame this, or you did this, you did this, just to remind you of of how far you've come and that you still have so much to do.

Karen Weeks: 40:39

Yeah, yes, I love that well, and it all ties into what you talked about in the beginning, and you've helped me figure out is and figure out what makes you the mermaid and helps you sparkle and helps you shine. Because that's the thing that's actually going to stand out and really take you through all of this as remembering what makes you special and leaning into that and being proud of that. So thank you so much for all your time today and sharing both your story but also your advice and all the great tips that you shared and we'll make sure to include all your contact information that way people can connect with you when we post this episode live. So thank you so much for coming and sharing all your stories. Oh, thank

Erin Breeden: 41:17

you so much, Karen for inviting me this was so much fun.

Karen Weeks: 41:25

Thank you so much for listening to the shine at work podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe and leave a review. Leaving a review takes just a few minutes and truly helps other people find the podcast. If you want to learn more about how I work with people to help transform their careers, and shine brightly in their lives. Let's connect. I work with amazing humans one on one to help them make a career change, go for that promotion, set career goals and build a plan for success for a new job. I also lead group programs for new managers that are navigating this huge change in their careers and entrepreneurs who are building their teams for the first time. If any of that sounds like it could be helpful for you. You can email me directly at Karen at guarantee weeks.com or message me through Instagram LinkedIn or my website. I just want to give a final shout out as always to astronaut go home for our music and novice studios for making the podcast come to life. Until next time, remember that you can and deserve to shine at work