78 | The Importance Of Authenticity And Confidence During A Career Change With Julia Wuench

In this week's episode, I spoke with Julie Wuench, my friend, mentor and partner.  Julia studied economics and gender studies in college and after graduating she went into corporate finance in the healthcare space.  After several years, and feeling like that wasn't what she was meant to do, Julia went back to school to get her MBA.  Eventually realizing that she didn't have to mash up all her skills and knowledge into one career and could spread it around in different areas of her life.  So she founded her own company!  She works with emerging and seasoned leaders either in large corporations or directly one-on-one.  Additionally, she writes for various publications and is a speaker about being authentic and how to take risks to see yourself succeed.

In this episode, you will specifically learn how to…

• Lead with some soul searching - think about what you have done in the past that excited you in your career or your life, finding the facets of those things and apply those to the career you want.
• Use the skills you have - making a career pivot is not failure, it’s realizing that the skills and knowledge you have can be used differently.
• Talk to others - ask others who know you well from different areas of your life how they see you, this may also highlight what you are passionate about.  
• Be authentic - stop being who you think you are supposed to be; by being your authentic self, you will feel more confident, present your best self and do a better job!

Other helpful resources...

The Authenticity Guide
Questions Beliefs Guide

More about Julia…

Julia Wuench is the Founder of The Authenticity Guide, an Executive and Career Coaching firm. She has an MBA from Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business, and is a regular Contributor to Forbes, writes on topics like The Positive Power of Failure, How to Combat Imposter Syndrome, and Leveraging Strengths at Work, to name a few. She has been named a Business Insider Most Innovative Career Coach and has been featured on BBC World News and Fox Business News. Previous clients include many other departments at Duke, Cornell, and Cisco and Chief.

How to connect with Julia…

Website
Linkedin
Instagram
Twitter

I’m Karen Weeks, the CEO & Chief Shine Officer (aka transformation coach) at KDW Coaching, the host of the Shine at W

Welcome to the Shine at Work Podcast! On this show, your co-hosts Karen and Dan will shine a light on your job search so you can land a role that lets you flex your strengths and progress your career in an environment you actually look forward to working in each day. From creating a stand-out resume, to confidently negotiating your salary, to finding your footing as a new manager, you can expect to hear actionable advice to help you shine your brightest in your role.

Karen D. Weeks is the CEO and Chief Career Coach of Shine at Work Coaching. She has over twenty years of HR experience, including as CPO at Ordergroove.

Dan Carr is a Shine at Work Career Coach with over a decade of recruiting experience helping high-growth startups expand with top talent.

Connect with Us!

• Website
• Instagram
• Karen Weeks on LinkedIn
• Dan Carr on LinkedIn

Transcript

Karen Weeks: 0:02

Hello my friends welcome to the shine network podcast. I'm your host Karen weeks. As a transformation career coach and culture and people leader. My goal is to help career oriented humans get unstuck, so that they can shine brighter in business and in life. I believe that you deserve a career that lights you up. Because spoiler alert, it also impacts how bright you shine in your life. This season. Each week, we will focus on a key skill that you need to shine at work, and inspirational stories on ways to navigate your career. Because I know what it feels like when your light is dim. I made a career change from theater to HR, and now expanded to coaching. And at times in my life, I had to take a look deep inside to see what was most important, what made me shine bright, and make adjustments along the way. It's possible. I did it, my guest did it, and I help others do it every day. I hope you walk away from each episode not just inspired, but with some actionable advice. And I hope that you find it so valuable that you subscribe to the podcast, leave a review and tell your friends because we all deserve to shine bright in our lives specifically at work. Okay, let's jump in into this week's episode. Hi, everyone, welcome back to the shine network Podcast. I'm so thrilled to have you here. But selfishly, I'm also thrilled to have my friend, mentor partner, just amazing person Giulia, with me here as well. We actually highlighted Julia's career in the very first season. And we have really kept in touch over the years and grown a lot as coaches and as friends. And so when I was thinking this year about not just retelling her story, and getting you giving you a chance to get to know her more again, also bring her expertise to the table. And we're going to talk a lot about authenticity, confidence, both in your job, but also as you think about a new job as well, which is exactly her sweet spot. So welcome, Julia, I'm so thrilled to have you back.

Unknown: 2:00

Thank you for having me, Karen. It's wonderful to be back on your podcast and to see you over zoom.

Karen Weeks: 2:06

I know. It's so sad how we don't see each other enough. We, you know, will text will write emails. And here's the funny thing we have never met in person, which just feels so wrong to me. And someday we will rectify that. We will meet someday. But yeah, virtual friendships in the age of COVID are so real. And I believed on them so much. And it's very strange that we've we've never met. I've known you for many years. But but here we are, here we are. It's okay. That's why technology can be our friend sometimes. So before we dive into some of the tips and tricks and some of the actionable pieces, I would love for you to share a little bit more about yourself, but also your career journey as well.

Unknown: 2:49

Sure. So let me just maybe start from the beginning. And so I studied economics and Gender Studies in undergrad. And I had a really funny car, I was just at my Passover Seder up in Boston, and I was I I'm still at the kids table, which is just so amazing and wonderful. And I love and I hope I stay there forever. But there was a young woman there who's a freshman in college, and she was talking about how much she hated her economics classes. And what a waste they were. And I was like, you know, I really felt the same way. And I really also hated economics and really struggled through it. And she was like, Well, what did you major in? And I was like, economics? Why on earth? Did you stay with that major if you hated it? And I was like, well, that's a longer story. On the word should, you know, my own perceived ideas of impressiveness and employability. And, and I think, you know, that word should really set the tone for the first part of my career. And you and I have talked about that word, a lot SHAs and so yeah, that was my major, I went into corporate finance in the healthcare space. Again, you know, should met some amazing people, did some cool work and learned a lot. But ultimately, just it was not for me, and, you know, dreaded waking up every day dreaded the work, right? I, you know, in retrospect, understand about myself that I was seeking out opportunities to do the work that I know, I do love the interpersonal stuff, the strategic stuff. And then I went to business school at Duke. And sometimes for many people getting an MBA is just like the welcome pause. I don't know what I'm doing. But you know, this feels again, like an impressive thing to do for June. Yeah, it's a tough school. I can take a breath to take classes, you know, again, really found myself hating the accounting, finance, economics world. And I went into my second career after business school in the social impact space, which was kind of my thesis of what I wanted to get into just more interest, more activist work. And so I worked in social impact consulting, so consulting for nonprofits and other impact focused organizations. And I did really enjoy that work. However, it still wasn't like the perfect like my soul wasn't aligned, it was still hard and sort of realized about myself, I think my community activist work is separate from work work, I have this revelation, right like this does, I don't have to mash up all the ingredients of the things that make me tick and put them in one box, which is my job, right, I can separate out those things. And so actually became much happier when I separated out my community impact work, right was sitting on boards and volunteered my time and thinking about my work separately. And so that's a good maybe lead into my current work, which it sounds smooth, but I can promise you, there was a lot of hemming and hawing and time off and crying and soul searching. But I did on work founding my company, the authenticity Guide, which is career confidence, coaching and executive coaching for leaders and emerging leaders. And in that work, I get to work with incredible coaches like like you, Karen, and others. And I work with incredible organizations like Cisco like, Chief, I see individual clients, I do public speaking, I write for Forbes, and so really good mix of the things that excite me getting in front of audiences and talking writing, and then the more intimate coaching, so we're really nice knit for things I get to do right now. And it took me a while to finally find that alignment.

Karen Weeks: 6:21

Yeah, well, it's interesting, because I would imagine you're actually taking a lot of the skills that you built over the years, and maybe you are applying them differently. But now both as a CEO and as a coach, and as a speaker, you're making a difference with people you're feeling the impact of the work as a CEO, you need to understand the economics of your business. So even though the path, you know, wandered a little bit, you are still bringing all of that to the work you do today.

Unknown: 6:49

Yes, I hope so. And I appreciate you saying so yes, I use facets of my prior work identities in my in my work now. And I'm grateful, of course, for all the things I learned in those paths about myself about working with others, and so much of being unhappy, you don't realize it at the time. But in boardrooms, your beliefs go nowhere. I can't tell you how many Forbes articles I've written that are, you know, wisdom that I gained from being the only woman on a team of 10 men in corporate finance, right? Like, there's so much that that was a gift about that time that you know, when you're in, you're in the thick of it, you don't realize that and that's definitely true now.

Karen Weeks: 7:25

Well, and I think that also ties back to some of the should pieces as well is, well, I should stay this with this career, because that's what I studied. Or I should be happy here, because that's what I thought I wanted to do. And it's okay, is that you're learning along the way. Oh, maybe this isn't exactly how I was meant to use the skills or what I was supposed to be doing. And that's okay, so let me make those adjustments versus just accepting that I'm just going to be miserable because it's work. You're not supposed to like work. Yeah,

Unknown: 7:51

yeah, exactly. And that's something that you and I work on a lot with clients, right? Is this idea that pivoting isn't failure? Yeah. isn't giving up. It's incorporating data, and using that data to make a decision going forward?

Karen Weeks: 8:03

Yeah, well, and I'm also really glad that you mentioned the you can be passionate about something. But that may or may not be the thing that should be your full time job. I've actually talked to a couple of clients recently who thought that was the direction they were going to go. And as they did more research into what that day to day is like, to be honest, it can be really heavy. And that may not be what's right for you, or the best way you can support those groups. And so they've kept it as a hobby, or volunteer or whatever, and use something else to help them sort of figure out their career

Unknown: 8:32

piece. Yeah, exactly. In one tool that I use with clients, it's called the authenticity Guide, which is also the name of my business, we break out the six categories of well being. And fun and community impact are two separate buckets from career right. And, and so maybe they're joined, right maybe if you work in social impact, that feels like a good good fit for you. But that's not the case for everybody. I mean, my husband is obsessed with cars. He's not going to go with the dealership, or anything he could but he chooses not to. Right. So I think for many of us, it's it's it can be separate. And that's okay, good. Yes, absolutely. I

Karen Weeks: 9:07

felt that way about the arts. When I left it all those years ago. I still love it. I will go see shows up do concerts, movies, all of the things but to actually be in it just didn't feel right for me. And that was okay. And so I figured something else out. Yeah, exactly. We

Unknown: 9:21

all contain multitudes and often working in our area of passion can taint our passion in so many ways. As I'm sure you have,

Karen Weeks: 9:28

yes. Oh, absolutely. Well, in that when I tried stepping out of the arts into the business side of the arts, that's when it lost the glory for me and I was like, oh, no, no, this is even worse. I'd rather not be in the arts at all. They'd be on the business side of it. And that was just my own personal experience. But to your point, it really affected how I saw the whole field and and got to enjoy anything that I used to enjoy.

Unknown: 9:49

Yeah, it stripped you of the joy you felt about this thing and then it's only when you leave that you can get get the joy back.

Karen Weeks: 9:55

Yes. All right, my friends. We are getting towards the mid part of the year, how are you doing against your career goals? Are you feeling a little stuck? Were you hoping to make more progress than you have? Have you talked to your manager about hoping to get our promotion or make an internal move or take on new projects, and you haven't seen that quite come to fruition yet. Or maybe you're approaching the middle of the year and you're going, Oh, my God, I still have no idea what I want to do, or I don't know what I want my goals to be over the next couple years, or for the rest of this year, even? Well, let me tell you how I can help you. We talk a lot about career changers on this podcast. And that's true, a lot of folks that I work with are trying to make some sort of career change. But I also work a lot with people who are just trying to identify their career goals, and figure out where they want to go in their career. And it's very possible that there are lots of opportunities at your current role. Or maybe you just found that new opportunity, and you're trying to set yourself up for success in your new company. Either way, I can help you identify what your goals need to be, how to talk to your manager about them, and then really identify a path forward to really help you achieve all those things that you're looking to achieve in your career. So if you're trying to figure out how to be successful this year, or in the future years, and you need a little help, let's connect, I can help you figure out a path forward and really make sure that you are shining at work for the rest of this year and in future years. How do you start to get to the this is what I actually want right now.

Unknown: 11:35

Yeah. And this is a question you and I both work with a lot of clients on. And so the first thing I will say is it's it is a journey. And so give yourself the compassion to understand that none of us are born or graduate high school or college and neatly knowing what your passion is, like, as if it's singular, as if it's static, as if, you know, we can conjure it from thin air or right. So give yourself the compassion to know that this is a journey, this takes work. And very few if any, people just sort of innately know what that thing is. And so I always say instead of thinking of a job title at a company, think about the the facets or the characteristics of things you've done that have energized you or drained you. And that's sort of my gold standard. When it comes back to this soul searching. It's, you know, one of the questions I always ask clients is, describe some projects to me that you've worked on in your past that excited you or energize you and make you passionate, we don't restrict it to work, right, it can be, you know, I spearheaded this project that my kids, you know, PTA, or one client recently told me about when she was in high school coordinating a dance. Starting doing it from start to finish, right? When you compile data on the things that have energized you, you can start to dissect the facets that comprise those things, right. So so the dance is a great example. It's this idea that you take this an idea that doesn't exist, and you build it yourself and all its complexities. And then there's a completion, right. And so in fact, we found with this client that that was consistent with the with the corporate project work that she liked to when when a boss would say to her, do this thing, we don't know, just figure it out, she would take something messy choreograph it, if you will complete it, and then hand it off, right. And so we often find it the things that energize us have similar characteristics across the board, regardless of what they are. And so so the first step here, and I would say is do some soul searching. Yeah. Excited.

Karen Weeks: 13:35

I love how you also took it out of the context of a job because I think, especially for folks that are either have been in their careers for a while. So like, jobs are a huge part of their life. Or maybe they've been in the corporate structure, or they come from families where like, what do you do is a question you get at every event ever to break that habit of thinking about it in a title sense, or a company sets is really hard. But SharePoint, that's actually where you get to the good stuff is take away the labels, take away what you call it. And let's really just figure out what you enjoy. And then we'll figure out what that means in the work

Unknown: 14:10

world. Exactly what beautifully said, and, you know, I always say we don't put on different skin when we go to work, like the same things that make you tick in your life are gonna make you tick at work, right? It's the same thing, right? Like, I love deep, intense emotional conversations at work. I love those in my personal life. Like that makes me tick, right? And so instead of this idea that like our work, identity is so separate from the things that make us excited outside of work, zoom out, zoom out, you're not restricted to thinking you know, and so because a lot of people will come and say like, I don't think I've ever loved work. It's like okay, well then let's not start there.

Karen Weeks: 14:48

Well, it's funny, you mentioned zoom, because I know that's the other piece that people have thought a lot about is also asking the tough questions around how is remote work going, do you Want more of a hybrid model? Do you like going back to the office? Do you have the flexibility to stay remote? You know, does this corner of your house work for you? And that's another place where I've been really hoping people try to think more about what is right for them. Not what they're reading in every single newspaper, not with their family is telling them not what their four roommates are, you know, whatever the people in their lives are telling them.

Unknown: 15:24

Yeah. And you know, you have the ability to decide and make a decision and stick with that, right, like you and you should make a decision based on what works best for you and how you work best. You know, I think another to answer your question around how to kind of get to these answers. I think another helpful way instead of, you know, just sort of sitting with this and feeling despair yourself is to crowdsource answers from the people around you who know you best. So what do you think I'm the best at where do you see the most energy coming in? For me when I'm doing what, what types of things? What words would you use to describe me? And ask a bunch of people who know you well, from different areas, and often, that shines light on things we often already knew. But sometimes can really just help inject some objectivity into the swirling thoughts.

Karen Weeks: 16:12

That's a great, no, I love that. And I think to your point, it also will help you see yourself as a whole person. Because if you ask a family member or roommate, a friend, a co worker, or a manager or whatever, you'll start to see what things come through no matter what. And that might really be the source of what you're passionate about, versus maybe you have been wearing different masks at different parts of your life. And removing those and asking all those different people will help you see that the truer version of you. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And so speaking of authenticity, and the true version of yourself, a lot of times people worry about the best way to put themselves out there. So especially in interviews, like I was just putting my best foot forward, or if I'm thinking about internally, I should be professional, I should be this. To be frank, like, I see this a lot with women who are getting more senior in their careers. What advice do you have for folks on how to project that authentic version of themselves?

Unknown: 17:11

Yeah, I see this all the time, too. So I'm putting your best foot forward. And professionalism should not come at the expense of being your authentic self. And you know, and I've sat in on plenty of interviews, done interviews, where, you know, there's like, the nerves and the button up and the pressure to be or express a certain thing, but but here's the thing, interviewers see, right through that, you will feel inauthentic and grimy, and you won't get the job because it's just not going to be a match. And if somehow you miraculously do get the job, that won't be the right fit. And so I don't see many downsides to authentically representing yourself in it, right? Like, you can wear a suit jacket, but still be honest about what you want, and what you loathe, right, like I can have a suit jacket on and say, you know, it's really going to be a deal breaker for me. If if, you know, returning to the office in person is mandatory in the next year, you know, I have kids at home or I have the health condition or you know, whatever, like I can be professional and be myself. You know, I'm not dropping, dropping the F bomb every other word. And I personally do that a lot. I still censor myself, right? But but you can be professional and be yourself these two things. So exist. And to do that you have to get you have to get real with yourself, you have to get intentional about what you want. One of my favorite examples of this is I was I mentioned that I found it my business as if it was like a seamless transition. It was I was I was totally confused about what I wanted. While I was founding my business. I was also applying for jobs. I was not getting a lot of jobs during that time. But I did get one job and it was like a slam dunk. And the job I got interestingly, when I started my business, it was just judging the job I got and they were so excited about me and it was so awful and awkward have to turn it down but it was a career coach at a university. And the reason why I got the job was because I during the interview, I was so authentically aligned and wanting to be perfect. I just happen to want to do it working for myself but but like all of that that was that was the realest and most authentic. I haven't been in a job interview. I was so passionate about the work. My why I was funny, I was clear, I was relaxed. I wasn't anxious. I knew I wanted to do it. It was an immediate job offer and it was laughing because I was like this is the one time I actually decided I don't need a job offer. I'm gonna go work for myself but but I had actually gotten real and authentic about what I wanted and so the nerves went away. Whereas for some of these other things, I was trying to fit myself, you know, a square peg into a round hole. Just people see right through that.

Karen Weeks: 19:52

Yeah, I'm so glad you also mentioned the end. If you are not yourself during the interview process when you get there it probably isn't not going to be the right place for you. Because, yes to your point, you can put on a suit jacket or put on makeup, or whatever thing is important to you to like put on your professional self. But that is not going to be yourself every single day, you're gonna see cat tails walk past the camera, you're gonna hear the dog bark, you're gonna hear the whatever's, and those are remote examples. But you know, I do I look awkward when I wear heels and like a tight skirt. It's why I stopped working at a consulting firm, because nylons as suits just are not me. So if I again, I'm not going to wear like, you know, maybe shorts or whatever. But if I can wear clothing that is more expressive of who I am, I'm actually going to do a better job. Because I'm not going to be worried about like fidgeting and not feeling comfortable, I'm going to feel more confident, which we'll talk about here in a second. And I'm going to actually, that's the way I present my best self, not by putting on this front or this costume that I think I'm supposed to be wearing.

Unknown: 20:55

Yeah. And you can ask yourself those questions upfront, right? Like, what do I think I'm supposed to do? Is that in line with what is genuinely pulling my heart and what I want to do goes in alignment, or are those not in alignment?

Karen Weeks: 21:09

Well, and I think too, is then as you advance your career, you can be a senior leader who has a lot of influence, without having to also then be again, like the super polished whatever. It's more about building the credibility in the room and building those relationships. And, again, the right team will value what you're bringing to the table, versus you think you're supposed to look like some character on TV that we've admired over the years or something.

Unknown: 21:35

Yeah, and I think you probably would agree with this. Whenever I have someone describe how they work for a great leader, I always say, tell me more about the leader, what is it you admire about them? And it's never they're so professional. It's always some, some something like, they know who the hell they are. And that's how they lead, right? So it always comes down to authenticity. It's like, this person just believes in diversity and inclusion. And everything they do strategically is consistent with that mission, or this person believes in rising people up through the organization. And so their mentorship, the way they lead meetings, everything is consistent with that belief, right? So it's, it's about people having an authentic brand, where what they espouse is consistent with their actions. Yes. And so I think that's a great challenge for us all to strive to.

Karen Weeks: 22:23

Yeah, it's a great point. And when you think about what people define as great leaders or people, they look up to you, I ask 10 People, I'm gonna get a bunch of different answers. So it's that cookie cutter doesn't exist, because it's what is impactful for you? And therefore, that's what you want to reflect on yourself as well.

Unknown: 22:41

Yeah, doesn't exist. Yeah. There's not one type of leader that people admire. It's, yeah. And if there is one trend, it's like authenticity. It's inconsistent with the your people's sense of who you are.

Karen Weeks: 22:54

Yes. Well, and I think, you know, going back to the especially if you come from a place of, you know, what do you do? Or where do you work? Are some of those leading questions or that sort of pressure that either you put on yourself or others put on you, you may not be asking the questions of, but am I able to be myself here? Do I actually like working here? Do I like what I do? Does it fuel my soul, and therefore that allows me to be more of who I am. You know, some people want to work at the big names, because they can say they work at such and such, there was a, I'm not gonna have a search, I'm not gonna speak ill of them. And so I'm gonna go ahead and say their name, but I thought I always wanted to work at NBC. I grew up on like, NBC shows that, you know, 30, rock, the whole thing. I interviewed there a couple of times, and it was just too big of a company for me. They were smart. They were always trying to do the right thing. I enjoyed the people I talked to, but when I talk about, like, how do you get stuff done? And how do you do this a, b, and c, they gave the company answers because they're a friggin big company. And so I never would, you know, pursue it further. And so as much as I thought I wanted to be there, it was about the notoriety was about the whatever. When I think about how I work and the best way to work, it actually was not going to be successful in that organization, even though they're a great company.

Unknown: 24:08

That's an incredible story. Yeah, we put these companies up on pedestals because of the what they produce, but we often overlook the inner workings of how that work gets done and whether or not it's compatible with how we'd like to get work done. Good for you for not moving not moving ahead and knowing yourself to that degree. I know many people would have been tempted.

Karen Weeks: 24:25

I mean, do I still have the little security badges that let me in as a guest? Yeah. So all of this leads to what I consider a confidence, I believe that there is a piece of Okay, great, like philosophically, I can agree with everything Karen and Julia are talking about of course, that's what I want to be it you then have to actually take those steps and have the confidence in order to say no to this yes to this. No to this person, yes to this belief, all of those things. So let's talk about like actually internally first how do people find their voice and build confidence within their role or within their current companies, especially if they're trying to grow their careers in their companies?

Unknown: 25:08

Yeah. So I always like to say that confidence, we have this like fake idea about confidence, which is that it's this thing that happens externally. And we get it. And then we have it and can act confidently but actually works the opposite, right? We lack confidence, we take small to midsize risks, we see that the world didn't come crashing down, maybe we even had some success. And then by a function of small to midsize risk, taking our confidence increases by a unit or two, that then helps us feel motivated to take the next risk. Again, we see maybe we succeeded, or at least we didn't crash and burn, right. And that breeds more competence. And so confidence is both a function of taking risks, and seeing yourself succeed. And it's also a function of the voice you use to talk to yourself about success and failure.

Karen Weeks: 25:59

That is amazing.

Unknown: 26:00

Yeah, right. So it's those two things. It's it's the taking risks and seeing yourself succeed at external peace, right? Think of a toddler, you know, building a block tower, right, and succeeding and building some self confidence that way. But then think about also when when something doesn't go your way? Are you saying, I am a piece of shit, my identity? Is that like, I am a failure? Or are you saying this thing didn't work? Let me examine it. Let me get curious about it. Let me try again. Right. So it's about are you conflating failure with an identity with a shape this entity? Or are you saying, this didn't work? This is a moment? Yes.

Karen Weeks: 26:41

Well, and I'm so glad you brought that up, because that's something we talked about in another episode around sort of self talk, and like the voices in your head. And I think, especially if you are working on a project, or working with a manager, or a client or whatever, and you have a when you vary, it's more easy for people to say, I had this, when I must do this, well, maybe there's a little asterisk or like, they don't have quite the voice of that. But you remember those positives and you move forward, when something negative happens, you immediately say, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm bad at this, I suck, you know, whatever. And that negative self talk is what you then take with you moving forward, versus remembering all the good stuff. And so sometimes I feel like competence is, to your point, I can take in the negative experience, or the disappointment of the frustration or whatever phrase you want to use. I've accepting it, this is what I've learned from it. It's either a one time thing or I'm going to adjust so that it doesn't happen again. And I'm going to carry on and it is not going to help me in my tracks. And I think a lack of confidence is sometimes people who are stuck and can't move past something.

Unknown: 27:45

Yeah. And it's even harder when you're facing multiple job rejections. Yes. Right to say, Well, how could this not be me? How could I not be the common denominator of failure? And I think that's, that's the hardest place to build confidence. In light of all of like, you're getting no external validation, right? You're getting those who don't know why you might not ever know why. And I've been there. You know, at any point in my life, where I was looking for a job, you know, it's mostly rejections. It's mostly putting things out there and getting to know. And I do think this idea of authenticity and confidence are extremely interrelated. Because when we can get real with ourselves about what we want, and what energizes us, and communicate it in a way that feels like it's really a reflection of us, we will be seen more easily. And I'm not gonna say you're gonna get the first job you apply to, but it won't feel as much like an uphill battle. Why didn't I get this job? And, you know, you won't feel like every failure, every not getting a job is a reflection of your identity or self worth.

Karen Weeks: 28:48

I think that is so fair, and it is something that I hear a lot of people talk about. And, you know, it's, I think, actually, you wrote about this on LinkedIn about all the like, yeah, I got this new job. And yes, I got this promotion. i Yes, I got all these things. And people don't talk about the 30 nose or the the 30 times a to ask the manager for the promotion, or all the things that got to that. Yes, we just celebrate the yeses. And if I'm sitting there in the moment of all the nose and like, oh, there's someone else who got it. I'm still sitting here. And I can really dig your arbor.

Unknown: 29:22

Yeah, it really can at all social media, including LinkedIn is a highlight reel. And that's, that's worth repeating all social media, including LinkedIn is the highlight reel. You know, people aren't on LinkedIn saying I got 50 nose. Hey, hey, hey, that work, right? Like we wait till we got the s and we don't broadcast that part. And so, you know, keep in mind the highlight reel of, you know, the social media world or even socializing in general, people aren't broadcasting that kind of thing. And then keep in mind too, from a self compassion perspective, we tend to remember negative things more. And that's evolutionarily you know, that makes sense? because we had to remember the mushrooms that were poisonous and the locations where the tiger den was, so that we would survive. And so it follows that in modern day, the negative things that have happened to us stick out more. And we tend to say like, well, all these things, all these bad things always happened to me. Well, that's that's kind of how memory works. And so one, one little trick, if you're in the midst of a big job search is to keep a smile file, which is what are all the positive things that have been happening to you? What are all the positive words you've heard? projects you've completed that you're proud of? Right? Anything nice, anyone says to you? Can you put that in a Google doc so that when you're tempted to say, it's everything bad all the time, black or white? Can you open up that file and remind yourself that the world is a series of greys? That Yeah,

Karen Weeks: 30:45

I actually when I left my job now, two jobs ago, they did one of those like, goodbye videos. And I kept that because I wanted to keep we're able to watch it every once in a while, like, yeah, that was great. And it was amazing. And yes, I am making an impact. And people do care about the work that I do. And all the things that sort of, I guess it's a version of written obituary or something is that you get to see how everybody felt about you when you left. And it makes me smile, even to this day, six years later.

Unknown: 31:14

When do you find that you watch it the most? Like, what are you what have you noticed? Oh, that's

Karen Weeks: 31:18

a great question. I tend to watch it when I feel like I am stuck and not making a difference. Like if I'm in just like, used to be the name of this podcast, like the hamster wheel of like, I did the thing and didn't make an impact. And I'm saying the same thing four times over. And I go back to them like it does it, it may take a while to stick or maybe some people are listening and not others. But there are people out there that you know, appreciate what you're doing. That's really powerful. Yeah. Have a you have a smile file?

Unknown: 31:49

Yeah, I do. And same thing, when I when I feel like a bunch of rejections are piling up, I my smile file is like with things that I say accomplishments and nice words, and it's sort of like I can look back at the last year. And when I feel like I've done nothing, and I've just slept for the past week, I you know, open it up and say, Okay, some things have happened this year, and just wait for a year.

Karen Weeks: 32:13

So I am my own coach that is very good at that because I am type a high performer FOMO, like all of the things that I'm like, I'm not doing enough. And every month we talked about Okay, so what are all the things that you did this month, and like a success, you know, outcome base, and I list them off? And she goes, Yeah, okay, maybe your revenue was a little low, or maybe that project didn't get out the door. But all these other things happen. So you're gonna be okay. And we do that every month. It's a great exercise. So as we sort of start tying all of this together, we've talked about, you know, how to identify what you even want to do and how you should be reflected in your work, how then to put your authentic self forward, and how all of that will then tie into confidence, both either at the job you're at today, or as you're going through a job search. But as you look back on your career, or you think about the people that you work with, are there a couple of very key actionable things that if I don't remember anything else from this conversation that you want to make sure people walk away with?

Unknown: 33:16

Yeah, if you're feeling kind of at a loss for how to be your authentic self, and start to build that confidence, take stock of the things you've done in the past that have energized you and excited you and see what you can extrapolate and learn from those things. And the second one is you don't have to do this alone. Consult with the people in your life who know you well and know you from different areas of your life. So you can get diverse objective feedback, those are the two things that I think are the most important at this phase of the journey, when it's just a lot of question marks,

Karen Weeks: 33:49

you know, two things I would add one is know what also can pump you up. So I heard a great piece of advice from recruiter once of if you are in a bad headspace, and you referenced this earlier, if you're in a bad headspace, you're not gonna have a good interview, you're not going to do a good follow up email. So literally walk away from that for that day, go for a walk, have a coffee, have some chocolate, drink wine, like whatever your thing is, but don't keep pushing forward. Give yourself the space to be then your more authentic and confident self when you do need to do that. And the other thing I'll say is that I feel like whatever that old SNL skit was, is that you know, even when you're not feeling it, when you present your authentic self, that's when people they will be drawn to you because you are radiating something that is unique to you. So when you're on paper compared to four other people that all have the same skills, that's something special that you're bringing to the table, and people will like that and people will want you to be on that team or want to promote you are want to work with you. So it may not feel like it in the moment. But that's your secret sauce. And that's the thing that's actually going to get you the job eventually or the promotion or the whatever.

Unknown: 34:57

Yeah, I love those two points. Yeah, you're unique Identity is your secret sauce.

Karen Weeks: 35:01

Yeah. That should have been the title of this episode. Well, thank you so, so much for joining us yet again on the podcast and for everything that you're doing to have an impact on people within their careers. It's so great to have you be able to share your advice with others, we'll make sure to include your connection ways to connect with you in the show notes as well. And so hopefully people will reach out to continue the conversation. So thank you again so much for joining us.

Unknown: 35:30

It's been a pleasure. Thank you for having me,

Karen Weeks: 35:32

Karen. Thank you so much for listening to the shine at work podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe and leave a review. Leaving a review takes just a few minutes and truly helps other people find the podcast. If you want to learn more about how I work with people to help transform their careers, and shine brightly in their lives, let's connect. I work with amazing humans one on one to help them make a career change, go for that promotion, set career goals, and build a plan for success for a new job. I also lead group programs for new managers that are navigating this huge change in their careers, and entrepreneurs who are building their teams for the first time. If any of that sounds like it could be helpful for you. You can email me directly at Karen at Karen de weeks.com. or message me through Instagram LinkedIn or my website. I just want to give a final shout out as always to astronaut go home for our music and novice studios for making the podcast come to life. Until next time, remember that you can and deserve to shine at work