183. Change the World from your Couch with Cynthia Levin

From “I can’t change the world. I’m just a mom” to “I can change the world because I’m a mom!'

Cynthia Levin is the author of “From Changing Diapers to Changing the World: Why Moms Make Great Advocates and How to Get Started.” A non-partisan activist working across a variety of issues, she coaches volunteers of all ages to build productive relationships with members of Congress.

In our conversation she laid a realistic roadmap for the average mom to get involved where it matters most to her; starting small and leveling up in small amounts of discomfort.

She summed up our conversation with a really powerful quote I’ll be thinking about for years to come.

Be sure to follow this episode up with ACTION!

IN THIS EPISODE, WE COVERED...

• 3 common myths about advocacy
• Surprising benefits of getting your kids involved over time
• Reasons why moms are uniquely qualified to do this work

DON'T MISS-

• Tangible examples of how advocacy actually makes a difference

// MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE //

Organizations you can get involved with, in no particular order:

• The ONE campaign - to create a more Just & Equal world
• CARE - Fighting Global Poverty & World Hunger
• MomsRising - Building a more Family-Friendly America
• SUNRISE - End the Climate Crisis
• Moms Demand Action - for Gunsense in America
• RESULTS - ending poverty in US and globally
• Bread for the World - Christian based hunger advocacy
• UN Foundations Shot@Life - global vaccines

// CONNECT WITH CYNTHIA LEVIN //
Book : From Changing Diapers to Changing the World: Why Moms Make Great Advocates and How to Get Started.
Website: www.changyit.com
Instagram: @‌ccylevin

I believe in you + I'm cheering you on.
Come say hi!  I'm @‌parent_wholeheartedly on Insta.
Apply to work together: parentingwholeheartedly.com/Apply

Transcript

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Cynthia Levin  0:00  
It sounds really facetious to say that if you could explain something to a second grader, you can explain it to a member of Congress. I'm not saying that they have the mentality of the second grader. I'm saying they're super busy. And if you were this high-powered lobbyist and walk in with, like, a lot of jargon, and it's just like, What do you even want? Moms are really good at distilling things down, and we are master explainers at talking about the concepts of the common good. We tell our little ones about how to be patient and good and decent and kind, explaining why we should care and what the consequences of choices should be. You know, it's like, what happens if we don't take action on this?

Danielle Bettmann  0:52  
Ever feel like you suck at this job? Motherhood I mean. Have too much anxiety, not enough patience? Too much yelling, not enough play? There's no manual, no village, no guarantees. The stakes are high. We want so badly to get it right, but this is survival mode. We're just trying to make it to bedtime. So if you're full of mom guilt, your temper scares you. You feel like you're screwing everything up, and you're afraid to admit any of those things out loud - this podcast is for you. This is Failing Motherhood. I'm Danielle Bettmann, and each week we'll chat with a mom ready to be real, showing her insecurities, fears, failures and wins. We do not have it all figured out. That's not the goal. The goal is to remind you you are the mom your kids need. They need what you have. You are good enough, and you're not alone. I hope you pop in earbuds, somehow sneak away, and get ready to hear some hope from the trenches. You belong here, friend, we're so glad you're here.

Danielle Bettmann  1:59  
Hey, it's Danielle. Most days, these days, the news cycle is so quick and hard-hitting that it can make even the most ambitious parent disheartened, feeling like there's nothing we can do. My guest today has set out to change that. She hopes to empower moms to shift from thinking, "I can't change the world, I'm just a mom," to "I can change the world because I'm a mom." Cynthia Levin is the author of From Changing Diapers to Changing the World: Why Moms Make Great Advocates and How to Get Started, a non-partisan activist working across various issues, she coaches, volunteers of all ages to build productive relationships with members of Congress. She advocated side by side with her two children, from their toddler to teen years, and crafted a new approach to advocacy based on her strengths as a mother. She is currently a volunteer with RESULTS. the ONE Campaign, Bread for the World, CARE, Moms Demand Action for Gun Sense in America, Moms Rising, and more. In our conversation, she laid a realistic road map for the average parent to get involved where it matters most to them, starting small and leveling up in small amounts of discomfort. She spoke about three common myths about advocacy, reasons why moms are uniquely qualified for this work, and surprising benefits to getting your kids involved over time. She summed up her conversation with a really powerful quote I'll be thinking about for years to come. Be sure to check the links shared in the show notes and follow up on this episode by taking action. Here is my conversation with Cynthia.

Danielle Bettmann  3:57  
Welcome to Failing Motherhood. My name is Danielle Bettmann, and on today's episode, I'm joined by Cynthia. Thank you so much for being here. I know it's been like a long road until we've connected. This is fun.

Cynthia Levin  4:09  
Life kept happening, and hopefully, life continues to happen, but sometimes it gets in the way.

Danielle Bettmann  4:15  
Yes. Maybe it works more in our favor now, especially the technology issues we've been having. So just go ahead real quick, and introduce yourself to my audience. Who are you and who's in your family? 

Cynthia Levin  4:26  
My name is Cynthia Changyit Levin. My pronouns are she/ her. I'm the author of a book called From Changing Diapers to Changing the World: Why Moms Make Great Advocates and How to Get Started, and that's kind of referring to my work as an advocate on poverty issues, on global health. My journey started when I was a mom. I was not politically involved. I was not an activist before that happened, I share that journey with you today and with anybody who's reading my book. So, who's in my family? We are a family of four here in St Louis, Missouri. It's me, my husband, David, I have two kids who are both in college. Yay. It does happen, folks, you made it. So this is our first year of being empty nesters. So I have a freshman named Summer and I have a college junior named Yara.

Danielle Bettmann  5:25  
Wow. Yeah, it goes fast, doesn't it?

Cynthia Levin  5:30  
This is a really fun time of life, and it's allowing me to do things like this.

Danielle Bettmann  5:35  
Yeah, which we're grateful for. So thank you for sharing yourself and your time with us today. I'm excited to dive in more and kind of start at the top. So tell us more about who you were before you became a mom.

Cynthia Levin  5:47  
So before I became a mom, I was an automotive engineer. I went to engineering school at the University of Wisconsin. I got a Master's in engineering at the University of Michigan. So I was going to be an engineer. I was pretty sure that was my path in life. I worked for General Motors, and then I worked for some suppliers. Then the time came that, you know, every mom has to figure it out for herself. I had a baby, and we looked around at what was going on in our lives, at the time when we we lived away from our families and we made the decision that we didn't have adequate childcare, and my husband decided to quit a job and start his own company at the same time that I quit a job to take care of the kids. That was a very uncertain time of life, but we spent a lot of time together, and he made a success of it, I was a stay-at-home mom, which was great, except for that nagging feeling that I had all this education and what the hell was I doing, I felt a huge loss of identity at the time. It was unfounded. It was important work that I was doing, but I felt this loss of connection with the world and what difference I was making. As it turns out, I'll skip ahead to the spoiler. As it turns out, I became an advocate, and I'm probably having more of an impact in the world as a volunteer advocate than I ever did as somebody working on making brakes quieter in a car, but if you have quiet brakes in your car, thank you. 

Danielle Bettmann  7:28  
Yeah, if only you could go back and reassure yourself.

Cynthia Levin  7:36  
We wouldn't have that opportunity, but I would definitely be like, sweetie, it's gonna be okay,

Danielle Bettmann  7:42  
Yes, we all need reassurance in that time of life for one reason or another. But what did those early days of motherhood look like for you?

Cynthia Levin  7:49  
So I will tell you about a time that was really dark for me, and it was like right out the gate in the first few days of being a mom. It was when I brought my first child home. It was a few days before Christmas, so I lived in Chicago at the time. It was very dark and very cold, and I couldn't figure out breastfeeding. Now, having two kids, I realized that I'm just the kind of mom that the breast milk takes a while to come in, not all of us are Gushers.

Danielle Bettmann  8:22  
That wasn't in the orientation manual that you were given.

Cynthia Levin  8:25  
Yeah, right. I just assumed that I was doing it wrong. And being an engineer, I was like, I'm following the instructions. What's going on here? But I was doing the very best that I could, and I thought that meant that I should be 100% breastfeeding. So I kept trying to do it for hours, but my baby wasn't generating the wet diapers. If moms remember, there's that soft spot on top of their head, it was like sinking. I was freaking out. I called my doctor on Christmas Eve, pretty much panicked, and she said, "Hey, your baby is starving, so you need to get out to the drug store and get some formula until your milk arrives, and it will arrive, but not at first." So my husband went out to do that and mixed it up, and the baby, like, gulped it down so fast, like, I'm so sorry. So I felt relieved, and I also felt like I had failed, like, right in those first hours of being a mom, and I also, over the coming weeks, started to think about all the moms around the world that don't have the resources that I did, a doctor to call and talk about clean water, even if you had formula, not enough water to make the milk themselves. And you know, the moms in the US that would have problems like that, so that put me on the path of just considering what that desperation is like for mothers in poverty and extreme poverty. I think we all generally know this in our heads, but that empathy came more alive when I had a little one depending on me. So that started a journey. But you were asking, like, what that whole time was like? My husband was also traveling a lot because he was trying to start this business. So there was a lot of isolation and loneliness and just not knowing what I was doing.

Danielle Bettmann  10:16  
Yeah, same, join the club.

Cynthia Levin  10:20  
There weren't even podcasts back then.

Danielle Bettmann  10:24  
Unfortunately, not.

Cynthia Levin  10:26  
There wasn't even Facebook. That wasn't a thing.

Danielle Bettmann  10:31  
Oh, man, you're really aging yourself now, right now.

Cynthia Levin  10:34  
Full disclosure, I'm 53 so that's what was happening.

Danielle Bettmann  10:39  
But that's fair and so quick to forget what 10 years, 15 years, and 20 years, have even done on the side of that virtual support, which we are so grateful for and is so needed, but yet still not enough, doesn't even tap the actual need there, but we are grateful for the technology we have to be able to share this conversation today and be able to reach a mom at that stage right then, and kind of speak directly to her, and we're grateful for that opportunity. But yeah, I think you just started to tap on that thread of the newfound empathy that you, most of us, really start to feel very deeply as a new parent, because they just don't know what you don't know, and you cannot conceptualize what becoming a parent will do to your identity and your psyche and your like emotional development, I mean, it is just a complete reawakening and for you that really, you know, sent you to imagine what it would be like for another mom with a lot less resources to be in such a similar place of desperation, and how universal that must be. So what did that lead you to do? Then, from there? 

Cynthia Levin  11:52  
Well, first I had to get really depressed, yay. And like, depressed about that, a friend noticed that, thank goodness for my friend at church, who kind of saw me spinning around in this and just kind of mentioned to me that that there was an advocacy group that was looking for a leader in my church called Bread for the World, and I had done a few things with them before having babies. Bread for the World is a Christian advocacy group that works on largely hunger nutrition issues. So once a year, my church would write letters to Congress. They'd like bake bread so it like, smelled really good, and they like, lure you in, like, oh, I'd like some of that bread. Great. Write a letter. We'll give you a piece of bread. Very sneaky and very smart, so I kind of knew what that piece was about. And I was like, I don't want to lead anything. Look at me. I've got kids and babies and stuff. And she's like, well, I'll think about it. I guess I had a toddler and a baby at the point where a different person came and said, I think this would be really good for you and help give purpose to your life, to think about how you can help other people. So this little lady in her 80s, she didn't want to be the leader anymore, and she showed up at my house with a check for $100 and said, there's a national gathering in Washington, DC. I think you should go, and this can help you go. And, you know, even back then, we've already made fun of my age before, but even back then, like $100 doesn't get you to DC, you know, but there was a scholarship with the organization, and sometimes churches can help with the airline miles and stuff like that. So I  went and it showed me this whole thing about how I could still be involved and be a mom. So like, if I woke up because somebody needed a diaper change, and of course, that means that you're wide awake and they're back to sleep, and I'm just like laying there looking at the ceiling, thinking about all the things that are wrong in the world. Well, I could use that time, and I could write a letter to Congress. It's not bothering anybody. Later, I found out you could even call them. There's nobody there. It's just an answering machine. When you're with an organization like that, they could tell you what's going on, what bills are happening, and what would help at that time. Later, I even upped my skill set to learn to write letters to the editor, and that was a huge moment of empowerment for me to think that little me sitting around in yoga pants being spit up on all the time. Here's like the biggest win at that time, Nancy Pelosi was the Speaker of the House, and she had written about hunger in the New York Times, and my letter appeared right underneath hers, and I was like, oh my God, I can't believe it, because I was an engineer, I'm not a writer, and I want to tell people that fun feeling when it feels like somebody's listening to you after you've been isolated for a very long time.

Danielle Bettmann  15:02  
Yeah, that's powerful. 

Cynthia Levin  15:05  
So I ran around the house cheering, the toddler's like, what?

Danielle Bettmann  15:11  
No appreciation on the home front. 

Cynthia Levin  15:13  
No, never, yeah, I shouldn't say never, later, later, when they older later, yeah?

Danielle Bettmann  15:22  
No. That's what's really, really cool, because I think anybody who might see you in the work that you're doing now, you know, as an author of a book, and being a part of all these organizations on, you know, national level, that's intimidating. I could never be you. And so being able to share that starting point, I think is so, so important. Because, you know, everyone has a small start. You have to start somewhere. 

Cynthia Levin  15:47  
I hear that a lot from people. It's like, oh, that's for you, but not for me. But my first meeting with a member of Congress was with Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky, who is a Chicago area rep. She's still in office. I met her in a grocery store where she had a thing where she set up a table and people could talk to her about anything. And I was like, oh, I've been writing these letters and stuff. This is my chance. I should do it. My palms were sweaty and I almost left several times. It was just me and a whole bunch of senior citizens. She was kind and gracious. And I'm so lucky that I had a member of Congress that liked to talk to constituents at that time because it helped me realize that this is something I should do.

Danielle Bettmann  16:32  
Wow, yeah, that's kind of a breakthrough.

Cynthia Levin  16:35  
Yeah, that's getting like, rarer and rarer. 

Danielle Bettmann  16:39  
Yeah, yeah. I can't say the last time I heard someone doing that, especially at a grocery store.

Cynthia Levin  16:44  
I don't think she does either, and I don't blame her past the point where representative Gabby Giffords was, you know, shocked, and things like that. So I think there's a lot of care now that maybe it was a little loosey-goosey. But anyway, I'd never had such an attack of anxiety in a grocery store before. 

Danielle Bettmann  17:11  
I think we all know that feeling, though, of feeling on the cusp and on the edge, of really challenging ourselves to step outside of our comfort zone and being at that crossroads, and not knowing where we were even going to go, or what were you even going to say, and feeling just that imposter syndrome, and having all the anxiety, you know, race to the front, and that's the humanness of us, and that's what we need to be able to know, is a really big part of any of the important things that we choose to do in life, is it's going to be A little bit scary, and that's the reality. You get to choose to push through and see then the rewards of that work on the other side. 

Cynthia Levin  17:48  
I will give a tip that has gotten me through the years, which is when I'm going to do something I'm not asking for myself, that I think helps a lot of women, either we're wired that way, society has made us that way, or something like that. It's not just women, I think other people, but it's just like, I'm not going up and asking for a billion dollars for myself. I'm asking it for other people, for tuberculosis funding around the world who can't have access to that member of Congress. It's only me that's standing there, like in a grocery store. So reminding myself, and that's the thing that we use in fundraising all the time, maybe you're doing fundraising for your school or something like that. You're not going to your friend and saying, Hey, can I have 25 bucks for me? You're saying, Can I have it for these school programs? 

Danielle Bettmann  18:43  
Yeah, being able to kind of differentiate and detach from that maybe emotional feeling of just nuance there. Great tip, and I'm gonna pull more out of you as we go because you're such a wealth of wisdom in that area. So what would you say to a mom who's kind of already checking out of this conversation and says, you know, I'm not really into politics.

Cynthia Levin  19:07  
This is sort of a biggie with me, that if you're not speaking up, people are speaking up for you. I wrote a blog about this because I had this big aha moment right around the first presidential debate, whether or not you were paying attention to the debate, you might have paid attention to what happened to Taylor Swift that night, Taylor Swift had to come out on Instagram and say that she did not support President Trump. And by the way, my book is non-partisan, and my talks are non-partisan, but this is just what happened to one woman that pretty much everybody in the United States knows her name. There was something that happened with AI where something was released that looked like she was endorsing President Trump, and she had to come out and clear the air and say, Hey, that's not me. I didn't do that. Now we're not all famous enough for AI, but I started thinking about a different issue, that there was a state issue going on, and there was some reporter that said, Missouri moms think this, and it was the opposite of what I feel. I'm a Missouri mom, and I didn't feel that way at all. So I wrote a letter to the editor and said, I'm a Missouri mom, and I don't feel that way at all. So here's this person that I've never met that wasn't personally attacking me, but some people will take your voice, take that position if you're not going to. And the other thing that I'd say to that is, I think there's been no other time in my life where I've seen how policies have affected our daily lives. And I'm referring to the COVID pandemic. Almost everybody saw it. It was like local municipalities and federal things affected, whether we wear masks, whether we get vaccines, whether we have even the choice to have vaccines in our area of St Louis and Missouri, the decision was made to it was such that if I wanted the vaccine, I would have to travel several hours away from the city of St Louis, which was like, Okay, that's taking away the choice of people to do it. So yeah, whether you think so or not, or whether you choose to think about it or not, these policies affect us greatly. I could also say gun violence and climate and things like that. And if you aren't weighing in, somebody's doing it for you, and you may not like that person's opinion.

Danielle Bettmann  21:37  
Yeah, you're essentially letting them take your power and run with it on your behalf. So I love being able to speak to that directly. Are there other common myths about advocacy that you love to debunk similarly? 

Cynthia Levin  21:55  
Some people come to me and they they see what happens in the news, and they see politicians taking shots at each other. It's not like that in Lobby meetings. When I take new activists with me, one of the most common things that people say is that's not at all what I thought it was going to be like. They were so civil, they were so polite, and that's what I don't know. Like 95% of the interactions that I've had have been like, generally, you're going in as a voter, and even if they don't agree with you, they're not going to yell at you. They don't want you going back and saying, wow, you know that person's like, terrible. And the other thing is, you can bring your kids with you. That is something like a lot of people are like, oh, like, I can't go because I'm watching the kids. Okay, it depends on the kid. I did have a friend, and if she's listening, I think she will smile. She won't think that I'm digging at her. But I watched her son one time as a toddler because he wanted to spend the whole time running around, throwing his socks. I was very lucky that I had like, little kids that were way into their detailed motor skills, so I could bring, like, stickers or something lucky. Funny aside, though, one of my early mistakes was I brought markers. Do not bring markers to a lobby meeting. I was talking to my Congresswoman, and her eyes started to twinkle, and I could see she was looking behind me, and I was like, Oh God, what am I gonna find when I turn around? And my toddler, she was about four, she was in preschool, and she had colored her hand completely red, and it was glistening, and she was just looking like, where am I gonna put this? On the table, or mommy So, yeah, no markers. No markers.

Danielle Bettmann  23:53  
Yep, speaking like someone who's been there. 

Cynthia Levin  23:55  
What kind of tips you're gonna find in my book?  And what's funny is my Congresswoman, that happened a long time ago, she still remembers that.

Danielle Bettmann  24:05  
Oh, see, there you go. You're memorable. Were there any other myths you wanted to debunk?

Cynthia Levin  24:13  
Okay, so we've talked about it, so it's not the circus that you see on the media. Yep, you can bring your kids with you. Okay, the biggest myth is: that I can't make a difference.  I think that is the hopeless thing that I think the media tells you, I don't think it's just you as a person, dear listener,  that thinks this. I think that there's a lot of negative stuff out there telling us that why bother? It doesn't make a difference. And there's so much in again like a Trump presidency is filled with news, let's just say that there's news that happens fast and fast and fast. You can hardly keep up with it. You feel like you can't do a thing. But here's the surprising thing is that when you get organized, when you're with a team of people that believe in you, and you're with an organization that I talked about, Bread for the World, but another one that I work with closely is results. They are not Christian, they're a secular organization, and they are probably the best one out there at teaching people to give them skills and telling them when to talk about certain things, so you don't have to, like, listen to all the news to try to figure out what's going on. This non-partisan, respective organization will help you through that and team you up with people who can do things at the right time. And when I get a call from an aide saying, Thanks for your work, we're going to sign on to that bill, I know that I've made a difference again. This happened when the kids were little and I ran around the house doing the chicken dance, and they joined me. And there are a bunch of stories in the book like that, that, if you keep at it long enough, there are people who wrote a letter to the editor, and the office called and said, we saw that, and we're taking a look at this. I called into a radio show one time and talked to the guy on the radio, and he's like, Okay, call my Aide. I'm gonna sign on to that. It was just a radio show. So those things are out there. They take persistence and it takes some dedication, but you can make a difference. That's the biggest myth I would want to dispel.

Danielle Bettmann  24:29  
That's such an important point to make because it's the end all be all. The crux of all of it is that it's riding on that hope that you're trying to fuel your despair, your frustration, and your fears, into something that gives you hope, something that gives you a purpose and a track record to be able to allow you to feel like you're making a difference, and you're able to improve the world one little way at a time for the world that your kids, you know will inherit and run with afterward.

Danielle Bettmann  27:16  
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Danielle Bettmann  29:17  
Right now. In the season we're in, there may be a lot of parents, and moms especially that just feel really disheartened and overwhelmed by the amount of things because we listed off a couple of them. You know, the gun violence, climate change, hunger across the world. I mean, there are so many things that you could get involved with, I think with the resources on the internet, one moment of inspiration can easily fizzle out when you don't know what to do with it or where to go, and then there's all of a sudden, too many options. So what would you recommend to a mom who's like, been here and like gets it, but then just doesn't know what to do with it all? 

Cynthia Levin  30:00  
My number one piece of advice would be to figure out what the thing is that you feel most passionate about, like, what's keeping you up at night, and find a non-partisan, reputable organization that is already working on this. It's so hard. If I want to do something about gun violence, I don't have to start an organization, Shannon Watts already did. It's called Moms Demand Action Against Gun Violence. There we go. And there are probably moms that are already activating so you don't have to recreate the wheel doing it.  I would also say to look for an organization that is interested in developing you as an advocate because there are a lot of places out there where you can be. This is where I feel the most despair. When I open up my email and I've got all these organizations for different issues, they're going click here, click here. I think that clicktivism can sometimes lead to despair, because then sometimes they don't follow up and tell you like what even happened. But if you're with an organization that develops you as somebody who can use their voice and develop relationships with an aide in Congress or even with your member of Congress, it's that kind of relational advocacy that really gets things done. Here's another thing, I ran into my member of Congress in an airport. This is my one, my St Louis representative, Wagner, and she knew who I was and so when she sees me coming, she knows what to talk to me about that I'm going to want to talk about poverty or something. So we stood there waiting for our luggage, talking about global health. That's an actual, real relationship. Now you don't have to jump into that, you know, all at once, and that's kind of what my book is for, to teach, to give instructions for these little step-by-step, leading you through the process. If you've never done it, that's okay. We can get you into just phone calls and letters if you're done with that, then you can move on to maybe a letter to the editor, or you can work up to that, that lobby meeting, where you're actually sitting down, having that heart-pounding moment, talking to them, my advice is start where you are. Start with just a little bit of discomfort, because if you do something that's totally comfortable, you could probably do a little bit more. And really do look for an organization. And I have a list in the book, and you can put it in the notes as we mentioned, Mom's Demand. If you want to talk about global vaccines, there's the United Nations Shot at Life. If you want to talk about poverty in the US or globally, results if you want to look at poverty in Africa, especially than the ONE campaign, I just rattled off a bunch of them, and I'll follow up with you so you can put them in the notes.

Danielle Bettmann  33:06  
Thank you. Yeah, I was trying to jot them down as you were talking. Write them down. Well, we will definitely link those in the show notes, just to give everybody a place to start, so that they have no excuse not to have some takeaway to follow up on, or something, to be able to research and start with, because everybody has their place, whether that's level one, level two, level three, advocacy, I think there's always something new and next that's above and beyond the donations or petitions, or, you know, some of those really low bars, because that's not going to give you that feeling of, yes, I'm making a difference. There's no follow-up, there's no bigger picture, there's no community, there's no sense of, like, something bigger than me that is at work here. And I think that's what we're really looking for, and that's why we're feeling discouraged if we're not, you know, participating at that higher level, but you're right, there's, there's a lot of bars to excluding yourself or just feeling too intimidated, and so that's why I love so much, that you have spun from your own advocacy work into being able to cultivate this new kind of revolution of Moms ready to do the same. I had a friend whose son has very severe epilepsy, and she had gone through years and years and years of treatments and experimental medicines and just the whole gamut, gone to Mayo several times, and eventually, what she was told is that the only thing that would really make up the biggest difference now is medical marijuana. This was in Nebraska, where it was not legal, and due to her husband's work and things it just wasn't possible to move to another state. And so she was really left with this feeling pretty hopeless, stuck of I know what my child needs, and it's not legal to get it. And so she ended up spearheading the Grassroots campaign in Nebraska to get medical marijuana legalized through the petition to get it on the ballot. And it has taken three rounds, three rounds from zero, but, you know, zero signatures up to the amount of signatures needed. The first time, I think that wasn't eligible by the number of signatures. The second time, it wasn't eligible because of wording, and it was taken to court. So this third time, they had two different petitions, and it was like all the right wordage and all the right signatures. And it did get voted on in November, and it did pass. I can single-handedly point to my friend, who's a mom who had a seven-year-old who needed medicine, and she made it her life's work. And obviously, that is, like, you know, an exception to the rule example, but it's a real example of just a real mom in my Midwest state taking on the work that she felt was needed to be able to create the world that her son needed. And you know, while it's an exception to the rule, and that's not gonna be every mom's story, I think we need to hear more and more examples of what it looks like to actually make a difference because that's the inspiration we need to find our place. 

Cynthia Levin  36:28  
I think that that is such a beautiful example of how talking about this is one of my favorite things. Say that as moms, we have these characteristics. We've practically been trained by our children in these characteristics that make us great advocates. And what I heard in that story was the persistence that it took three times and it's like, oh, that didn't work. The wording, oh my gosh. It's like, you learn and you move forward. Because isn't that what we do all the time with our kids? It's like that method of parenting did not work to learn some new skill and move forward, and it's one of my reasons that just moms are persistent. Why we're good at this. I have this kind of laugh line that I say that to get a member of Congress to sign something, it may take more reminders to remind them to do it than to get your kids to pick up the laundry off the floor. But it's true, and it may not be even because they're against it I can think of one example where a member of Congress actually supported our thing, but their name kept not showing up on the list of CO signers, and it just really took that patient mom face but the sense of urgency and talking to the aides and I finally figured out the problem, that it wasn't their office. It was the office of the person the member of Congress that originated that bill, their aides had lost the email. So, like, that's not even, like fighting the man, right? Like fighting just bureaucracy in the system. But it took that patience, and we all have that right, because most moms, you know some people, they may delegate it to their partners, whatever, but most of us have to spend a lot of time, like working through health insurance, trying to get something covered, just being on the phone, and it's that skill that really serves you well.

Danielle Bettmann  38:33  
I think that that is a big part of your book, if I'm not mistaken, like the five reasons why moms make good advocates. So that's a perfect segue into covering a couple more of those. Because, yeah, you're hitting the nail around the head.

Cynthia Levin  38:46  
Yeah. I also think that we're really good explainers, because, you know, you have a toddler, you have to explain something over and over, and probably explain it like, in a different way, because they're obviously not understanding that, so I'm going to use it. So it sounds really facetious to say that if you could explain something to a second grader, you can explain it to a member of Congress. And I'm not saying that they have the mentality of the second grader. I'm saying they're super busy. And if you were this high-powered lobbyist and walked in with, like, a lot of jargon, and it's just like, what do you even want? Like, moms are really good at distilling things down, and we are master explainers at talking about the concepts of the common good, and we tell our little ones about how to be patient and good and decent and kind explaining why we should care and what the consequences of choices should be. You know, it's like, what happens if we don't take action on this? So also, when you walk in there and they're going to ask you who you are, you know. Some people are like, I'm a doctor, and some people are like, I have this specialized knowledge, and I walk in and I straight up say, I'm a mom of two, and there's something about that that can change the tone of a meeting in a really positive way, especially with the kids there, because that keeps everybody on their toes. Nobody wants to set a bad example for the kids.

Danielle Bettmann  40:27  
Now, when you say like walking into the room, I'm picturing DC. But are there also more local opportunities?

Cynthia Levin  40:33  
Absolutely. So every representative is going to have an office in the district as well. So for me, I'm looking out the window right now, and it's about two miles away is my Representative's Office, which makes it really easy for me to drop things off there and have meetings. The industry meetings are sometimes even more I think they're often more important than the DC ones because they're so busy in DC that you might get 15 or 20 minutes, but when I have a district meeting, they'll give you like 30-40 but that's even an hour, which is pretty amazing. Senators have an office in DC, but we'll usually have two or three. Well, I don't know. In California, that's such a big state. In Texas, they probably have six or seven offices around, but like here in Missouri, I think there are maybe four, like Kansas City, St Louis, Cape, Girardeau, and Springfield or something like that. So yeah, I just heard from a friend of mine who got invited to go to a DC Summit, and she was wondering if she should go. She's been an advocate for global health for, I don't know, five years now or something. I've met her online through COVID, and she's never been to DC before, but she's a highly effective advocate doing things with the district. Great question. 

Danielle Bettmann  41:58  
Well, I think it just seems such a lofty, detached idea, because all these big, important things happen in DC, and I'm in the Midwest, I'm so far from it that we don't even think about the local opportunities or things that are happening at your state legislature, or, you know, the bills that I think if more is being brought back to the states, then state-level advocacy is going to be even more important. Would you agree? 

Cynthia Levin  42:25  
Yeah, I did not start doing state advocacy until I was probably, like, 10 years into this. And I'm not sure why necessarily. I think I was just better supported by, you know, results as a federal-level focused one. But when I got more interested in gun violence, which is very much a state issue, I think the hot issues right now would be gun violence and reproductive rights, which are being handled, oh and LGBTQ rights, those are probably the three that you're probably gonna get a lot more. You'll have a lot more to do on the state level than the federal level. 

Danielle Bettmann  43:07  
Yeah. So good to be strategic. If one of those three is one of your top passions, then that is kind of the direction to feel that energy into.

Cynthia Levin  43:17  
I should say marijuana too. I mean, you just brought it up, and just because it's passed here in Missouri, there are probably other states - I'm not as up on this issue.

Danielle Bettmann  43:28  
Yeah, no, we're still one of the slowest ones, so I think we're in the minority of the ones that have not gotten there yet. But yes, definitely something that's still at the state level. It's important. I'm curious as your kids have gotten older, have you been able to involve them in some advocacy? 

Cynthia Levin  43:46  
Yeah, so they grew up just thinking it was normal to know your member of Congress. A funny story or anecdote about that is my littlest one must have been like in first grade and the congresswoman was over there. It's like, oh, you know, Jan Schakowsky is over there. It's like, oh, do you want to go say hi? He's like, no, I waved at her, but she didn't see me. So it was just like, so casual. So they've grown up with no fear or anxiety, the stuff that really is such a common thread through my first stories, but getting into high school. So let's look at the COVID years. I had one in high school and one that was like middle school, and I was really feeling like I'd failed them in some way because they were so, especially the older one so concerned about climate issues, and that was not anything that I had ever taken on before. And also leading up to that, before we all went into isolation. They were scared about gun violence. It would happen that there would be they would see friends, schools would be shut down for a threat, or, you know, whatever. And they have an open campus. Their high school is like, several different buildings, so you had to move outside. There was no locking the kids in. So they were, like, really worried about that. And it's like, you know, watching this anxiety, this existential threat of climate, be such a force. I'm like, I am so sorry. But they started solving their problem. They got involved with the Sunrise Movement. This was not something I searched out for them. It's a youth-led movement for climate justice, and they both became leaders in it such that my older one, Yara, stuck through it. And we've been on staff for Sunrise for the last few months, last semester. And you know, they would take charge, and I would learn from them. So, yeah, it was an interesting period because they probably taught me more about racial justice as the Black Lives Matter movement was happening, and, yeah, trusting your teens is not easy, but you should. You should listen to them, and that helps them listen to you too as well. So I'm very happy that we have the kind of relationship that we can work with each other and teach each other. 

Danielle Bettmann  46:19  
Yeah, that's so cool. I know maybe a lot of listeners might not have teens yet, but for those that do, I think it'd be really cool to be transparent enough with your kids to say, hey, I don't know what I'm doing with this, but I'd love to do it together. What's important to you, you know, what's one of the things that you're most worried about? Let's see how we can both get involved. Why not? Because that's going to connect you and be something that could be really important for your relationship, let alone, you know the difference that you can make. But also being able to take that step back to learn from them when they get involved, and seeing them at that level, it has to make you so proud. Of course, you know, we would love to just have all of these issues tied in a bow, and, you know, cupcakes, rainbows, butterflies from here on out, but until in the meantime.

Cynthia Levin  47:06  
I actually feel really lucky that I have kids that are interested in climate issues, because, in some ways, I feel like it allows our family to be in more places at one time. Yara went on to study global health in college, so that's interesting, like, the things that they were learning with me as a little kid. Sometimes I would get a text it's like, hey, thanks for teaching me so much about global HIV AIDS, because I just knocked out of an essay in about two minutes about that. Like, no problem. Didn't even know that that was gonna be a perk. So we can cover more ground. And sometimes this is really important. Sometimes we do not agree, but I hope that someday we will be a family that is not susceptible to the you know, we disagree, but we don't even know how to talk about it, so we're just like, really awkward around the Thanksgiving table or something, because I think that's happening a lot right now. 

Danielle Bettmann  48:05  
Oh yeah, for sure. And I think you shared a quote with me about, you know, a lot of the causes being connected. 

Cynthia Levin  48:14  
Yeah, I just saw it on Facebook. Ursula Wolfe- Rocca, she said, it can be overwhelming to witness experience, and take in all the injustices in the moment, the good news is that they're all connected. So if your little corner of work involves pulling at one of the threads you're helping to unravel the whole damn cloth, and that really made me think about this idea that I've grown by trusting in my kids to do some of that work and to see the interconnectedness when I work on global hunger, one of my the big things lately has been food systems, making food systems more resilient, and my kid is working on climate issues to slow greenhouse gas emissions. That is like, totally related and connected. I work on fair housing practices sometimes, and if my kid works on racial profiling or something like that, fair housing is very tied to racial issues. So, yeah, we're all pulling on our different threads here. 

Danielle Bettmann  49:18  
Oh, that's such a great visual of, you know the threads and the unraveling and the different angles, because, again, we can get so quickly overwhelmed. But I think you're right. Some so many more interconnections and overlaps and pieces are so closely connected that that's really encouraging. It's encouraging because then that spiral of momentum continues to go in more quickly and quickly for the changes that we want to see.

Cynthia Levin  49:46  
I'll say that's another reason that I included stories of other moms in my book, because I wasn't doing everything, so I needed this person in Florida to tell me about their climate work and their stories. There's a lot of different skills coming from moms and different demographics on different issues. And I wanted to write a book that would just invite more people to the party. Clean the sandbox with us, because we need everything. 

Danielle Bettmann  50:17  
Yeah, more hands make lighter work, right? 

Cynthia Levin  50:20  
Yeah, even if you're speaking to people and just want to be a writer, or like I have come by so many moms that English is not their first language, so they don't feel comfortable being writers and writing letters to the editor. I think my friend Felicia Hilbert that she's one of the Best Shot at Life champions for Global Vaccine Programs. And her gift, her superpower, is just walking into a room and being this beam of light and making everybody feel comfortable. And she uses that to get kids polio vaccines and measles. She always says, yeah, you do the numbers and you do the writing, Cindy. I'm like, yeah, because I can't do what you're doing.

Danielle Bettmann  51:04  
That's, again, such a great illustration of our different strengths and how we need each other. And yeah, you don't have to do large group speaking. If that's not your forte, take your lane and run in it. Yep. Love that. If you feel like crossing lanes later. Try it. You can always level up such a realistic lens on what that can look like and what that can look like years and decades into the future. So cool. So tell us more about how we find your book and how listeners can connect with you. 

Cynthia Levin  51:38  
Yeah, absolutely. My book is From Changing Diapers to Changing the World: Why Moms Make Great Advocates and How to Get Started. It is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and you can order it from your favorite independent bookstores if you prefer to support them, which I give a shout-out. It's the holiday season. Give some love to independent bookstores. But if you want something a little more personal for like a holiday gift or something like that, my website is www.changyit.com, that's my maiden name, C, H, A, N, G, Y, I, T, and at that website, you can order the book, and I will write an inscription and autograph it for you and send it to you ASAP. You can find me on social media at ccylevin, on Twitter or X, I guess it's called, and on Instagram and Bluesky threads. I'm like, trying them all like, I don't know. And then my full name, Cynthia Changyit Levin on Facebook and LinkedIn. So those are places that you can find me. And I am so open. If you contact me through my website, I have done author talks over Zoom, and if you want to buy a bunch of copies for your friends, then have me come and facilitate a conversation about it. I will do that because this is so fun to do.

Danielle Bettmann  53:07  
Yeah, yeah, oh my gosh, grassroots, right, yeah, it's all about that. Perfect. So good. Okay, so I'm gonna share all those links in the show notes, and the last question I ask every guest that comes on is, how are you the mom your kids need?

Cynthia Levin  53:26  
That is such a good question. I'm going to refer back to something that we talked about with that trust issue, and this is, I think it's something that moms of teens and college students alike have to struggle with a lot, but it is necessary, and it is rooted back into trusting them when they're little, to trust them, to take a little risk and stuff. I think that that was not necessarily something I thought about at the time, but now I feel like that is really important. It is not a secret that both of my kids are on the LGBTQ-plus spectrum, and I trust them to know themselves even better than I know them, even though I have been with them every step of the way, and I have to listen and trust and that's how I'm being there for them right now.

Danielle Bettmann  54:20  
I love that so important. And they are lucky to have you in that place of curiosity humility and support.

Cynthia Levin  54:30  
Humility. I haven't thought of that word, but yeah, they humble me all the time.

Danielle Bettmann  54:36  
I think you have to embrace it as a parent. You do, because the more you don't, the more disconnection and just like almost self-sabotage you end up creating without that lack of self-awareness. 

Cynthia Levin  54:48  
Yeah, that's wise.

Danielle Bettmann  54:52  
Well, that's my neck of the woods as a parenting coach. So I hope listeners are going to be able to find exactly the nugget they need to be able to run in the lane that they feel called in, and find the resources that they can do that in a really connected way, and just feel encouraged and get to see the results of their hard work pay off, and hopefully in a short amount of time. Cynthia, thank you so much for joining us and for all your wisdom and your story, it's truly not only inspiring but realistic in the healthiest way so that we can all find our way to take action. Thank you.

Danielle Bettmann  55:30  
Thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Failing Motherhood. Your kids are so lucky to have you. If you loved this episode, take a screenshot right now share it in your Instagram stories, and tag me. If you love the podcast, be sure that you've subscribed and leave a review so we can help more moms know they are not alone if they feel like they're failing motherhood daily, and if you're ready to transform your relationship with your strong-willed child and invest in the support you need to make it happen, schedule your free consultation using the link in the show notes. I can't wait to meet you. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I believe in you and I'm cheering you on.