Parenting Content, Books, Courses + Classes

Welcome to my VERSUS series!

This is the 1st of 3 episodes breaking down the vast array of parenting resources we have at our fingertips. Today we’re talking: parenting content, parenting courses & books, and in-person parenting classes.

For each, I break down the family that resource is BEST for, the benefits it provides, the unique Pros and Cons of utilizing that support vs. another, and ultimately for some, the way they fall short.

IN THIS EPISODE I SHARED:

• Why it’s extra hard to implement strategies from a book
• The topics I recommend buying courses for
• Who benefits most from parenting classes

DON'T MISS:

• The Industry standard completion rate for online courses vs. mine

// CONNECT WITH DANIELLE //
Website: parentingwholeheartedly.com
IG: @‌parent_wholeheartedly
APPLY: parentingwholeheartedly.com/apply

Transcript

Danielle Bettmann  0:04  
Ever feel like you suck at this job? Motherhood, I mean. Have too much anxiety and not enough patience? Too much yelling, not enough play? There's no manual, no village, no guarantees. The stakes are high. We want so badly to get it right, but this is survival mode. We're just trying to make it to bedtime. So if you're full of mom guilt, your temper scares you, you feel like you're screwing everything up, and you're afraid to admit any of those things out loud - this podcast is for you. This is Failing Motherhood. I'm Danielle Bettmann, and each week we'll chat with a mom ready to be real, showing her insecurities, her fears, her failures, and her wins. We do not have it all figured out. That's not the goal. The goal is to remind you you are the mom your kids need. They need what you have. You are good enough, and you're not alone. I hope you pop in earbuds, somehow sneak away, and get ready to hear some hope from the trenches. You belong here, friend, we're so glad you're here. 

Danielle Bettmann  1:14  
Hey, it's Danielle. Your Positive Discipline Certified Parenting Coach for strong-willed kids ages two to 10. I help defeated parents find validation, support, and proven techniques to parent their strong-willed kids with composure, connection, confidence, and cooperation through a four-month group coaching program based on the Wholehearted Framework I've developed over years of working with families one-on-one. And if you just found the podcast, go to failingmotherhood.com to view a playlist of our most listened-to episodes, as well as where to start if you have a strong-willed child. 

Danielle Bettmann  1:44  
Now this is the first episode of three that is going to be an important series that I want to leave in the records of Failing Motherhood. Failing Motherhood is wrapping up, we are going to have the 200th episode on the five-year anniversary of the podcast, on May 20. So leading up to that, I am sharing some of the biggest highlights and fun guests and things as we kind of wrap up. What isn't changing is my parenting coaching, so while families in the future can go back and find and listen to Failing Motherhood, I want this series to live here on this platform as a reference and resource. So this series is a versus series where I am going to walk through the pros and cons, what it's best for, who can differentiate between all of the parenting resources that you might dive into or find to be able to help you decide what you need based on the season you're in and the goals you have and the situations you find yourself in. Because as a parent, you have more resources than ever before. It's absolutely incredible that we have the ability to connect across states and oceans. We have access to the latest research at our fingertips. We can have AI-generated summaries of our questions at a moment's notice. However, as we know, with many good things, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. We are inundated and overwhelmed with the sheer amount of things to sort through that are just blasted to us daily. So how do you sort through it all? When do you know you need help? And where do you start? 

Danielle Bettmann  3:38  
So this first episode, I'm going to talk about three options and resources, parenting content, self-paced parenting courses and books, and in-person parenting classes. Then next week is going to be episode two of the series where I'm going to break down occupational therapy, parent-child interaction therapy, and a child therapist or psychologist. Then in episode three, I'm going to talk about marriage counseling and personal therapy, hiring a one-off or one-on-one coach, and going to a virtual parenting class or membership. So for each, I am going to break down the time the place, and the family that that resource is best for. Then I'm going to compare and contrast the unique pros and cons of utilizing one support versus another. So let's dive into the first three.

Danielle Bettmann  4:38  
 We are starting with the most accessible and readily available parenting resource there is right now, which is parenting content. That is Instagram posts, TikTok videos, blog posts, the little bite-size tips, tricks, hacks, insight, and things that are on your feed ready to help you be a better parent. Now, this content is great for the parent who just wants to be kind of immersed in the world and have a lot of reminders on the go in their day-to-day life, so that it just comes up and becomes part of who they are, reflecting their values and kind of keeping them on track in really small ways, throughout the day, throughout the week, throughout the years, and finding the voices that they really enjoy, and picking up information along the way without having to really seek it out, really at all. It just you know, wanting to come across it, wanting to be there alongside the funny cat videos and the other things that you use the internet for on a day-to-day basis. Now, parenting content has fantastic pros. It has overall reminders and accountability, helping you stay true to being the parent you want to be, so that when you turn on the app and scroll through, it is there as a reflection, helping you stay on track. It is also amazing for inspiration and creativity, like Pinterest ideas for crafts. It is really great for knowing reviews of product recommendations and coming across new technology that others are trying out and figuring out what works and what doesn't so you don't have to. It was also amazing for helping you find game-changing hacks like how to get chapstick out of laundry or Sharpie off of a wall and have the much-needed relatable anecdotes there to help you feel not alone and just be able to laugh at the experience of motherhood or parenting. I don't know a parent that wouldn't benefit from those things. Now, for each one of these resources, I'm going to contrast the pros, not necessarily with cons, but important factors for specific parents who know they need more than just that resource, which doesn't always mean that they're not going to utilize that resource, it just means that they know they need more than just that resource. 

Danielle Bettmann  7:22  
Okay, so while you can follow every parenting expert under the sun on social media, find all of the podcast episodes and listen every week, and be on the Facebook groups and be, you know, liking all of the positive parenting things on Instagram for the parent that knows they need more than that. They realize that these bite-size hacks often don't even scratch the surface of the whole story, and how can they for how short they need to be and how attention-grabbing they need to be able to even have a bite-sized life? So at the end of the day, if it's on that platform, and it does well, it's more likely, because it has more entertainment value than educational value, and that makes sense. That is what that is a time and a place for. Often, parents realize that a lot of the content they come across is conflicting because it's nuanced, and because every different parent and expert seems to have different kids and different experiences, of course, but you're going to run into direct advice that either negates or even demonizes what you just learned to post before. So that could be like, do I leave them in a tantrum not to be an audience? Or is that abandoning them when they need me most? You're going to find information on both sides of that, and if you're coming to content to help feel more confident, it will often make you feel much less confident. Parenting content is often set up to fail. It works against the best practices of how you learn. So even if it is the best information, it is likely in one ear and out the other because you weren't sitting down, ready, and willing to take that information in, most likely, you're doom scrolling or, you know, in a really stressed out, burnt out place, and you're likely looking to kind of escape. So when you're in that state of mind, you are not as teachable. If you're not teachable, then you're not learning right. Often, when you come across parenting content, when you're feeling down, it can do more harm than good, because it's going to make you feel guilty. It's going to make you feel like if it doesn't work for you, you're doing it wrong, and then you're left with even more reasons to beat yourself up and feel like a failure if you compare yourself to that expert advice or to that influencers highlight reel and you know, view of their life and their kids. 

Danielle Bettmann  10:16  
Another thing that parents who know they need more realize is parenting content is likely much more often or only on your news feed or your for you page, not the other parent, your co-partner in parenting. So not only do you have to unlearn, then relearn, and then teach and implement, but now you have to coach and mentor another adult at the same time. No way trying to catch them up doesn't put a strain on your sanity and mental health and your parenting relationship, because it lends to micromanaging and critiquing and a lot of just exasperation and resentment between the two of you when it's bits and pieces. And you know, I don't know what you want me to do and I don't know what to recommend. I don't do it that way. We're not doing that anymore. You can't possibly feel mindful and intentional and preventional when you're in that state of mind, preventional is not a word on the preventative side. And lastly, it just doesn't do parenting justice. Never in life have we learned something so impactful and so serious and influential in such an unserious way,, can you imagine getting your college degree or the certification you need for your job or your ongoing professional development in a way that you just hope and pray that the right nuggets and bits and pieces come across your phone when you're in a different state of mind on entertainment apps?

Danielle Bettmann  12:06  
Parents who know they need more, know that they are taking parenting seriously. They know that this role is likely the most influential one they'll ever have in their lifetime, and they know that they do not have a degree in this, but they probably should feel as qualified as they want to. So Instagram posts and Buzzfeed articles are just not going to get the job done, right? But that is parenting content, who it's best for, why it works best, and what you might realize. 

Danielle Bettmann  12:43  
The next resources we are going to dive into today are parenting books and parenting courses. I lump these together because they essentially function in the same way in their pros and cons. So parenting books are probably the next level up from coming across parenting content. And I'm sure if you are listening to this podcast, you have one to eight on your nightstand because you are a parent who cares, and you are constantly wanting to learn and grow, and I love that for you. So parenting books and courses are best for parents who just want to learn more, want to level up, want to feel educated and competent on the latest trends in research, or dive into specific things that they want to learn more about because they are dealing with a very specific problem in their life right now, or they are finding content that they really resonate with and they want to go deeper. And so if that person has a book, they will then go out and buy that book to learn more from that one influencer, expert, etc. 

Danielle Bettmann  13:54  
Now parenting books and courses are best for niche down support, for one specific set of tools or interventions like a registered dietitian's advice on creating a healthy relationship with food for your kid, or how to best introduce and utilize screen time and manage it as they get older, or how to build more self-esteem and resilience in your child, like The Self Driven Child, or a sleep course trying to solve the problems of right now today, or learning sign language and being able to introduce baby signs to your one and a half year old who really still needs more ways to communicate or finding more homeschooling support because you are embarking on your first year as a family homeschooling. All of those are fantastic reasons that books and courses are going to be able to meet that need. So books and courses are very, very well designed to solve one particular problem in your current season or stage of life now. They're also kind of nice to have or just to learn because ultimately, I would make it without them, but it makes me feel better to be able to have these resources, not just in my cart, but on my nightstand or in my bag, because it's a representation of my commitment to learn more about this particular set of skills or skill that I know I need as a parent to help with the kid that's in front of me. They also are fantastic for helping you better understand your kid and build confidence in the skills that you need to feel like you're parenting them adequately and well. So I have definitely bought parenting books, not just for the overall understanding of kind of leveling up and parent development, but now I'm finding books on, like, you know, puberty and raising teen girls, because these are the stages ahead of me that is one particular insecurity or problem that I want to be able to work on and level up with, and so that is going to fit that particular need for me right now. 

Danielle Bettmann  16:27  
Now for parents who realize or know they need more than a book or course, these are the things that they're going to realize that these resources fall short with.  Books and courses give you tips and advice on what to do without a foundation to integrate them into. So in order for a book to really speak to your particular circumstance, they're going to have to jump ahead and make a lot of assumptions in what you've tried, what has gotten you here, what the rest of your life looks like, and all of the other dynamics that you have going on as either a working parent or a parent of six, or, you know, a parent with childhood trauma, you know, who knows what else. They have to just jump to the try this without being able to walk you through a full foundation, starting from day one, which sometimes is really necessary and makes the tips that they share backfire without it. So It can work really well if you have the designed foundation to be able to integrate them but without that, sometimes it is only there to again be like content, where it gives you more reason to beat yourself up when it doesn't work. Books and courses are also self-paced, so essentially, they dump all the information on your lap, and then you sign up to figure it out on your own, which is why they are a lower-cost investment. And if you have that time, and that is something that you're able to do, that's great, right? And that's why they are designed specifically for, like, a certain skill set because then that can be something you build into your day or your week to be able to do that heavy lifting yourself. However, the standard industry completion rate for online courses across topics is 5%, not 25%, not 55%, 5%.

Danielle Bettmann  18:46  
So it's no wonder that you feel like you need to get into some of the courses that you bought, or it's no wonder even that the books that you bought are all still sitting on your nightstand unread or half-read. It's because you have to have the self-discipline, accountability, momentum, intention, and motivation to do all of that heavy lifting of learning, understanding, committing the time, and implementing all on your own. I don't know about you, parents be burnt out, bro, like we do not have a whole tank of capacity just waiting to be tapped into. So signing yourself up for a lot of that work is going to be met with good intentions falling short, and that is not your fault. That is the circumstances and the way it's designed from the get-go. It would be great if you had nothing else going on and you were twiddling your thumbs, but that is likely not your reality, right? Books and courses also give you no real individualized answers into, why what happened today happened, so that situation, that circumstance, that problem, is doomed to be repeated tomorrow. You are going to have to connect a lot of dots and fill in a lot of blanks to be able to interpret what was generically recommended into the individualized situation that you are experiencing today, right? And that can be really defeating because ultimately, the main reason why we're trying to level up our parenting is likely to solve the problems that we are faced with today because we want them to go away. We want more good. But if you're still facing the same problems tomorrow and putting a lot of energy and effort in, it's going to feel defeating and exhausting, right? And again, more than likely, nine times out of 10, I would say, a parent who is doing a course or reading a book is doing it on their own and then having to read, catch another partner up, or explain to them what they are learning. And a lot of times, the course of the book is designed to speak to only one caregiver specifically, and even alienates another partner from the conversation entirely. So it doesn't even apply or bring them in on a practical level that you need to be consistent and on the same page as a parenting team. 

Danielle Bettmann  21:26  
Now the last resource we are going to talk about today is in-person parenting classes. Now in my area, they are primarily run by some of the pediatric hospitals, and things are offered like common sense parenting is one example. Now I have found classes like this are best for foster parents to be able to get a certification or to be able to dial into a boot camp, very specifically, to get them caught up and ready to take on the kiddos that they're bringing in, or be able to best support the kiddos that they are supporting at the time. It is also great for court-ordered classes to be able to count for specific criteria that you need to be able to get credit for. And I think they're also great for expecting parents or new parents, because I think we need to normalize that you can go to birthing classes and breastfeeding classes, but arguably even more important is parenting classes, right? But I'm sure that we would also all say and acknowledge you don't know what you don't know anyway, but it never hurts to be able to be on the front end so that you are preventative rather than reactive. Right? 

Danielle Bettmann  22:45  
The pros are that they are typically very affordable, but you end up paying with your time by commuting and or arranging for child care and trying to get there and show up regularly on a weeknight, and we all know weeknights be rough. They are great because they bring to life that books or course, and by having to show up to a time and a place, they are an up-leveled commitment that helps your brain focus and be in a teachable head space, which is sometimes critical and amazing, especially if you can manage it and go with your parenting partner so that you're both hearing the same information at the same time. They typically last about six to eight weeks, so they can easily fit into your schedule. They're going to have topical training at a relatively low cost. And I think that, again, can be a really nice, high-level overview for helping with the pain point or the season that you're in at that time. Now, parents that end up taking these and realizing that they need more, start to realize that they are typically set up to be a one-sided explanation through a keynote presentation or through a workbook that is already pre-designed to be a very generic instruction, and then there might be brief Q and A, but for the most part, the information that is shared is standardized. So that means that every single time that this class is offered, they are sharing the same information as last time, likely, with the same teacher. Now again, that information is not necessarily bad, but if it leaves no room for individualization, customizing, tweaking, and troubleshooting, it does primarily leave a parent beating themselves up when they don't get results when they're not able to achieve the recommended outcomes, or the tools don't end up working for them, and they don't know why, or they don't know if they're supposed to just stick to them, and eventually, they will. How long? How do I know I'm on the right track? How do I know I'm not just like doing it completely wrong? You don't know, and when you don't know, you end up being really hard on yourself and blaming yourself. So even if it is recommended best practices, it might be too generic to not work for your kid, because especially, what I've found with strong-willed kids is they are the exception to the rule they need so much more nuanced and sometimes a completely, entirely different recommendation, it's also just hard to again commit commute on a weeknight and find childcare and find a way for both parents to participate. The analogy I like to share is that going to a parenting class is like hanging out in your personal trainer's office, across the desk from them, talking about working out, and then you go home, and then you come back to their office and you talk some more about working out, as opposed to actually getting in the gym working out, asking questions, having a personalized prescription, and then applying based on the nuance of how you do, a lot more questions and answers and then new recommendations based on your progress. You need real-life scenarios to be able to build up momentum, pick up steam, and see the results that you want at your house.

Danielle Bettmann  26:48  
So like I said in the intro, the next two episodes of this series are going to break down a bunch more resources, including OT, PCIT, child therapy, personal therapy, one-on-one, coaching virtual classes, and memberships. But if you are listening to this and you are trying to compare and contrast those resources that you know you need more from and what I offer specifically because you're listening to my podcast, then at the end of each of these episodes, I'm going to share what it is that I offer and who it is best for. 

Danielle Bettmann  27:28  
So again, I do parenting coaching in a virtual group. It is accelerated progress for the parent who needs more. It is for the parent who knows that they need individualized support, not just generalized info. It is for parents who know that their time is precious and they want to be able to learn on the go as much as possible. It is for parents who know that their partner is just as engaged as a parent, and they want and deserve to get their questions answered too, and they really crave being on the same page, because the majority of the stress in their relationship is related to parenting. They desperately crave connection and community, wanting to be known and heard. They have valued working with a mentor in the past who has been there, done that, and if it's worked for financial advisory, or if it's worked for them in, you know, the fitness field, then they are the type of candidate that is going to get a lot out of this type of environment. And they are willing to put in the work when it's proven to work, they basically show up and say, just tell me what to do, and I will absolutely do it and let you know how it goes, and be the first one to tell you when it doesn't work and keep asking more questions. It is also best for the parent who seeks to surround themselves with uplifting, powerful conversations with other committed, cycle-breaking parents and doesn't just want to have a no-judgment place to vent, but they also need the gems of breakthroughs from people in the trenches, because a group coaching program brings in the combination of a committed, safe environment, the fostering of relationships with like-minded people who get it and the vulnerability they create and bring forth that is what creates transformation. Think about business masterminds, support groups for sobriety, and fitness challenges, you end up achieving so much more together than you ever would on your own. So those are reasons who would work best inside a group coaching program, but specifically Wholeheartedly Calm, my group coaching program is best for parents that fit the boxes of the worrying warrior, a just tell me what to do parent, or it is what it is parent that is laid out in my Master Class, Calm and Confident, and then your child checks the boxes of the strong-willed temperament as well. A few of those things are most of the challenges happen at home, they have high highs and low lows emotionally, they have a lot of strong opinions, and you all know back at your face when traditional approaches worked for other siblings, but not this kid, that you want to learn how to work with the way they're wired. It's also designed for a parent, or parents who are neurodivergent, realize that they had ADHD or were diagnosed as a kid, and know that their child may be more pre-dispositioned, but don't have a diagnosis yet. And again, most of the stress in their marriage is related to parenting. They are taking parenting seriously they want to and are most worried about transforming their relationship with their strong-willed child for years to come down the road want to have trust built up, want to have open, honest communication when they are a teen, and want to know that their kid is going to want to come home for Christmas and hang out with their siblings 10- 20 years from now, they want to go from dreading pickup to feeling like besties. They want to go from 10 meltdowns a week down to two. They want to strengthen their own confidence, their family's resilience, and their marriage along the way. 

Danielle Bettmann  31:30  
Now Wholeheartedly Calm specifically is a three to four-month group coaching program filled with other families working through the process at their own pace, meaning that you get to learn from veterans support new families behind you, and have deep conversations with other moms and dads who get it alongside you every step of the way. The time commitment is about an average of 30 minutes of audio modules each week, as well as two to three opportunities to join live Q and A Zoom calls each week, and you get shipped a 125, page printed in color workbook filled with printables, cheat sheets, and visual resources to help the learning go as easily as possible, supporting your brain and your limited capacity and resources so that you can hit the ground running and pick up steam day after day, week after week. Now the pros, the pros are there is no waitlist. You apply, schedule a call to learn more, ask all of your questions, and then you can enroll with immediate access that day or within the next few weeks, depending on your schedule. There is no waiting period. Families are joining and graduating every single week, and you could be that next week. There is nothing like the placebo effect of knowing a plan is on its way. So don't discount how much that can do for your sanity. There is no commute, right? You don't have to go anywhere when you have Zoom on your phone or your work computer, it is where you are. There is no direct child involvement. I don't ever need to see your child or they never need to know that there's any intervention happening. It is primarily between the two of us, and you are a great read on what is going on, well enough that you can recap everything I would need to know and more. There is no pressure to medicate label or diagnose your child that is completely between you and your medical care providers. But if you want to delay some of those things and know that you have done your due diligence to manage your environment and your patience and everything else that you can control, then that is exactly what we do together. The curriculum talks about and covers stress management first, then skills to manage behaviors and strengthen your mindset, and then tools to unlock the connection you always wanted all along and just didn't have the foundation or the prerequisites to do it. It's comprehensive and immersive. No question is a bad question, and we put out the hottest fires first and then keep it going. You digest and do it, not just think about it hypothetically speaking, or cover philosophies and you know, baggage or wise from the past of like, what is making you have this trigger? No, what do we do about it? And how do we do it? And what's working? How do we keep doing that? You, as the parent, are in control of progress. You know exactly what it looks like if you're on track, and you have constant weekly recognition of your wins to train your brain to keep going on this marathon, you ride the coattails of hope from other families making progress alongside you. You can grade yourself by self-assessment, not your child's behavior, and know exactly what indicators you're tracking to be able to know what has been helping and how you can compare and contrast two weeks ago to today, you can customize and adapt your journey by accessing needed bonuses at any time, asking your most pertinent questions first, and being able to dive into more when you need it for things like aggression, separation, anxiety and parental preference, sleep, picky eating and food battles and all sorts of other things ready for you to grab and go when you need it, your experience of parenting is transformed. Your confidence soars when investing in something of this caliber. It is designed to maximize your time and effort through digestible, repeatable micro modules, mostly audio only you play on your phone and can keep repeating on your phone. The lessons include only critical game changers, not a bunch of backstories and philosophies as I said. Implement, do this instead. When it doesn't work, let's talk about it.

Danielle Bettmann  36:33  
It is designed with back-to-back weeks, creating momentum and accountability, making it more likely that you complete it, and can ride on the curtails of other's momentum for hope on the hard days or weeks. So while the industry standard is a 5% completion rate for courses, it is 95% for my curriculum of over 12 modules worth of content, and that is between parents as well, including statistics for moms and dads. It is teaching specific strategies for your exact goals, struggles, and kiddo. It equips your partner alongside you the whole way so that they can hear from the source exactly what you're doing, why you're doing it, and how to do it without you having to teach them at all, which is rare and critical. You also can crowd-source invaluable insight, validation, solidarity, and support from this tight-knit small group of parents committed to this alongside you, and you have unlimited individualized solutions from a coach who knows your family and a community like no other in real life, it is truly the last resource you'll ever need as a parent. But again, it's not for everyone, so your next step to know if it's for you, is to watch Calm and Confident - The Master Class that teaches you the kind and firm approach your strong, willed child needs without crushing their spirit or walking on eggshells at parentingwholeheartedly.com and then you apply, and I can't wait to see you and answer all your questions and decide if it's aligned to work together. You deserve this level of support. You're gonna feel so much better. 

Danielle Bettmann  36:33  
Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of Failing Motherhood. Your kids are so lucky to have you. If you loved this episode, take a screenshot right now share it in your Instagram stories, and tag me. If you love the podcast, be sure that you've subscribed and leave a review so we can help more moms know they are not alone if they feel like they're failing motherhood daily, and if you're ready to transform your relationship with your strong-willed child, and invest in the support you need to make it happen, schedule your free consultation using the link in the show notes. I can't wait to meet you. Thanks for coming on this journey with me. I believe in you and I'm cheering you on.