Teen Question: Is having a high snap score a sin?

We recently spoke to students, and this was one of their questions! We loved it so much, we wanted to tell you how we answered it. And that answer...you can share it with your kid to equip them for situations from social media to just about everything in life!  Also, if your kid doesn’t have social media yet – Kim gives practical advice on how to have similar conversations with your littles. 

Transcript

Mandy Majors: 0:08

Welcome to the next Talk podcast. We are passionate about keeping kids safe in an overexposed world.

Kim Elerick: 0:15

It's Mandy and Kim and we're navigating tech, culture and faith with our kids.

Mandy Majors: 0:20

Kim, I recently got asked to speak to students at this awesome private Christian school. Yes, I was so excited about it, speaking to middle school and high school students and the school not at my direction or recommendation they polled the students and asked what are your social media questions? And I got to go through all these hundreds of student questions that were amazing. Like these kids, as I'm reading these questions, it gave me hope for our future.

Kim Elerick: 0:50

Yes, well, and I love that they're going to a school that honors their thoughts. You know that didn't just bring in a speaker and assume they knew what the kids needed to hear, but said let's really speak to the concerns and the questions and the needs of our kids. I think that's really neat.

Mandy Majors: 1:07

Yeah, they had done a survey previous to this that said what are, like, the top five things you're struggling with? I can't remember exactly what the question is and I'm probably not getting it right, but social media was at the top of the list. And so then they asked them okay, what are your social media questions? And they dug into that and I loved that too, kim. Like they got a voice and the school heard them. The school was like, okay, social media is your number one thing. We need a speaker on social media.

Mandy Majors: 1:31

And so I was able to go through these questions and one thing stood out to me right away Lots of questions about navigating, like, the balance. They could see that social media like there's really bad things to it, but they could also see like the draw and why they love it. And they you could see this struggle in all their questions. Like a lot of questions were like how do I use social media for good but not make sure it controls my life? Or how does it, you know? Like questions like that, which I loved because it gave me a glimpse into their heart.

Kim Elerick: 2:05

Well, yeah, and I think it also shows that so many of us, as parents, are struggling, and we may not be leading in this space well either, because it's so hard to find the balance, and so kids are trying to find answers, parents are trying to find answers. How do we use social media but not let it take over our lives? Where is that balance?

Mandy Majors: 2:24

One thing that I kept thinking was you know, 10 years ago, when I started on this journey, I feel like everybody just thought social media was cool. I mean, most people just thought it was cool. Most kids just thought it was cool. Like it's this new thing? And Instagram came out in 2010. So we're only 13 years into Instagram right now. You know, when my kids were little and this was first coming on the scene, it just seemed like oh, what's this cool new thing? But now I really believe kids, I think our conversations, I think our education, I think organizations like ours and many, many others there's lots of digital safety organizations that are saying the same things we're saying. I think the kids are starting to listen and they're like wait a minute. All these people are raising concerns.

Mandy Majors: 3:09

There's got to be a bad site to this and they're seeing it probably in their own lives how it's affecting them mentally and that kind of thing.

Kim Elerick: 3:15

Yeah, absolutely. It's one thing to present the stats, but when you can apply it to yourself and say, oh yeah, I do see it affecting me or my family or my relationships, then it's eye-opening and I think you're right. We're in the space now where we want answers and direction and guidance, Like what do we do now?

Mandy Majors: 3:31

I remember just being in my office boy through question after question after question, thinking this is so awesome. This is so awesome that they're trying to find the balance here. But one question, Kim, made me laugh out loud. That was like the best question. This is what it was. Is having a high snap score a sin?

Kim Elerick: 3:53

I remember you telling us about that.

Mandy Majors: 3:56

I texted our staff group chat and I said, oh my gosh, this is the best student question ever and we all started laughing and I immediately knew exactly how I wanted to respond to that. But I love the question and if you were like what does that even mean? Like what is a high snap score, you may be like what is that mean?

Kim Elerick: 4:13

Exactly exactly.

Mandy Majors: 4:15

So let me break it down for you. Like this On snap chat you get streaks and like points. If you snap someone without missing a day, you add up points. Now you got to remember these snaps are probably just like of an eyeball or of a ceiling. It's just a way to kind of text and say in touch with your friends. It's like a cool way. But you add up these points and then all of a sudden you have a snap streak of like 300. And you're like I don't want to break it, I don't want to miss texting this person this day. I say texting, it's snapping that person, but it is really like texting for our kids. Like that's what it is. It's like a new texting feature for our kids. And so this kid said and I just imagined this kid probably having a snap score of like a thousand or something and he's feeling bad about it, like what the world? And so they asked this kid ask I don't know if it was a girl or boy, but this kid asked is having a high snap score?

Kim Elerick: 5:11

is said I love that because they're not just assuming they know. They're like you know what it means. I am thinking about it, I'm doing it every day, it's important to me. Maybe that's a problem and they're reaching out for help. So I mean, even though it seems kind of funny, it's actually such a great question and it leads to so many great conversations.

Mandy Majors: 5:30

Yes, so in chapel I put this one up on the big screen and I said this was my favorite question of everybody. I still don't know who said it and this is what I said to them. It really depends. So to answer your question, I'm going to ask you a couple questions, and these are my questions to you Are you spending more time on snap than you are with the people that you love in real life, like your friends and family? Two are you sending inappropriate pictures for this high snap score? And number three if you lost your snap score tomorrow, would you have a meltdown?

Mandy Majors: 6:07

I'm not saying that you can't be sad for a minute, because I would be too, but would it ruin your entire day? That's my question to you and I said to the students if you are saying yes to any of those questions, then you've gone into sin territory. But if you're saying no, when I have friends over, I'm putting my phone down and I'm being with them, like I'm spending way more time with my friends. I'm not sending inappropriate pics. They're just ceiling pics or my dog pics, and I would be sad, but it would not ruin my whole day Like I would get over it, right. If you can say that, then what I say, kids, is you're figuring out this healthy balance with screens. You're learning how to use technology, but not make it an idol, and that is what we're striving for here for all of us, kids and adults.

Kim Elerick: 6:57

I love that you had them answer questions that cause them to look inward. It's kind of that look in the mirror moment, and that can be applied to so many things, because I think that's like you said we're trying to find the balance and this was specific to that high snap score. But if you have a younger kid that, let's say, is really into playing Fortnite or any video game or anything that draws them into a screen maybe it's an anime show that they love watching I had that question the other day they can apply these same questions to that. You know, if it's taken away, would they freak out? Are they spending more time playing this video game than with their friends in real life? It teaches them to look inward for the answer and prayerfully figure out what is my balance and is it off? And if it is off, that means we're starting to look at a stronghold or an idol and I need to address that.

Mandy Majors: 7:49

Well, and what's so great about this is that, if you can do this with technology, it applies to other things. As they get older, I mean young adults, it applies when they're legal and they can start drinking and you get to have these conversations with them. Like, everybody's line is different. Some people may be able to be on snap more than other people because they don't struggle with it. Some it may be a stronghold really fast and they have to have their guard up big time because it affects their attitude, their health, whatever, and so everybody has to know their line. And so that's why we want to do, is we want to encourage these personal questions. Am I a different person? Am I making bad choices because I'm spending all this time on snap or whatever?

Kim Elerick: 8:34

And can I encourage you parents? I love that you said that, mandy, and it reminded me that so often we are afraid to share our struggles with our kids and we don't want to overexpose them or we don't want to share problems or turmoil we're walking through that they can't help with, because then that just traumatizes your kid. But you can say you know, this is something that I have struggled with or a family have struggled with, and I'm asking myself these questions, and so I want to walk alongside you when you're experiencing this. It's okay to let your kids in and see that you also are vulnerable and you also have struggles. That way they don't see mom and dad on this pedestal that never make mistakes and cannot possibly understand that I'm having a hard time with my snap streak. We can, we can and we need to let them know that, just by being open about our own struggles.

Mandy Majors: 9:22

Yeah, be real, be transparent. I mean I remember when I realized I had a problem with social media and it was my husband. I mean we crawled in bed one night, you know, we had prayed with the kids and I'm constantly connected to work to everything on my phone and I'm just scrolling through social trying to get caught up because I haven't really, you know, replied to the messages and done all the things of the day. And I remember him looking at me saying like we literally probably have 30 minutes a day where we're by ourselves with the kids ages right now. Can we not have phones right now in our bed? Yeah, and it just was a moment to me that I was like, oh my gosh, I'm crawling into bed when I should be like so excited to see him and I'm like, oh, I'm going to check my phone.

Mandy Majors: 10:07

That's a gut check. Like I have to check myself right and sharing those stories with our kids and making sure that that we're being honest, like you said, the humility of none of us are perfect and we don't expect perfection. Like I don't expect perfection of my kids, but I do expect for them to ask questions like this, like figuring out, like am I crossing the line here Is it becoming too much. That is gold. This is a win that this kid is asking this, it is amazing.

Kim Elerick: 10:38

And if they are asking these questions of themselves and they bring it to you, I just want to encourage you not to shame them, not to say well, yeah, obviously I mean, you're on that all the time, you need to just delete Snapchat. But let them talk it through, help them answer these questions and then encourage them by helping them figure out a solution, not just cramming rules down their throat or making mandates, but saying, hey, let's come up with some ideas together that will work for you, where you can continue to do this thing you enjoy, but have balance.

Mandy Majors: 11:10

Yes, please don't shame your kid. If this is your kid's question coming to you at dinner, you should be like I am so proud of you that you are trying to navigate a healthy balance here. The fact that you are even thinking about it is huge. It shows maturity on a screen. It shows that you want to do this well with technology, and that makes me so proud. So empower and lift your kid up if they're asking these questions. I do have a funny story, Kim, about a Snap Street. Oh no.

Mandy Majors: 11:41

Oh yes, so this summer my son was going on a mission trip and he couldn't take his phone. He had one Snap Street. It was like over 400. And it's a lot. That's more than a year, oh why now Every day?

Kim Elerick: 11:55

right, yeah, you gotta put it into perspective.

Mandy Majors: 11:58

That was a lot, and so he didn't want to lose a Snap Street. So again there was this I'm going to give my phone to somebody, I'm going to get my login to somebody, I'm going to you know all these things. And I was like, okay, let's talk through this. Like, I understand you don't want to have your Snap Street disappear, but do you really think it's wise giving anybody our password or our phone? You know anything can be posted, and then it's you posting it, even though it's not you. And then I know you trust this person, but I'm not sure it's still a kid, you know. So we're talking through all this. And so he was like okay, I'm just giving you my phone, You're in charge, Do not let my Snap Streaks go away. I was like, okay, Kim, like every night I worked on this, like I remember.

Mandy Majors: 12:44

I had to set a timer and for 40 minutes, make sure I mean I got through everything. It was stressful. That's crazy. And he would not let me take a picture of myself. That was a rule for me because he was like mom, you will embarrass me. So it was like picture of ceilings, light bulbs, the dog like all this stuff.

Mandy Majors: 13:05

Anyway, I was so proud the day we went to pick him up. I was so proud because the Snap Streaks were good, solid, I had done my job right. And I'm so proud to tell him, like I'm a cool mom, I got this done for you. Yay, you got to go serve Jesus and I did it for you, right. He tells me I really like not having my phone. I think I just need to let my Snap Streaks go. Like I think I'm just going to close my account and I'm not going to lie. There was a part of me like I was super proud. I was like, thank God, you know he saw that maybe he was on this a little too much on his own, but there was a part of me that was like, dang it, I wish I would have known this seven days right, because I spent a lot of time on this I have dedicated my life.

Mandy Majors: 13:56

Yeah, like I accepted a Grammy, like I want to thank everyone for their support. As I did all of this, it was very stressful for me she took vacation from work.

Kim Elerick: 14:05

I mean, it was.

Mandy Majors: 14:10

But once again, you know, when he came to me before the mission trip, I kind of thought this is kind of crossing the line where he's like, why is this so important? But I didn't shame him, I honored him, I listened to him. I was like, okay, I understand, let's find a solution. Just like what you said, kim, and we found the solution together and I just let God work on the whole situation and then he saw it on his own. Yeah, now then he took a couple months off Snapchat. Now he's back on it, but he's on it in a condensed version and he doesn't have as many friends because he wants to maintain, you know, less time on it so he's.

Mandy Majors: 14:45

He's figuring it out. Yeah, he is figuring it out, and I think that is such an example of how old Mandy would have handled none of that like that. I would have been in guns blazing like what you said. I can't even, but I'm so disappointed in you that your Snap Street is even on your mind when you're going to serve Jesus.

Kim Elerick: 15:04

Yeah, that sounds awful.

Mandy Majors: 15:06

That's what old Mandy would have said.

Kim Elerick: 15:09

That's where we go. That's where we go because we don't really understand it, and we don't understand how it affects the relationship.

Mandy Majors: 15:15

It makes your kid feel bad for enjoying Snapchat, and that's silly. If they're not doing anything wrong on it, it's silly. That's their world and so you know, just making those tweaks and then helping your kids see for themselves. And these kids are waking up. They're they're hearing the stats. We just recently put out a graph that we created.

Mandy Majors: 15:35

We looked at research that said, since social media has come on the scene, major depression in kids is more than doubled. And that's just depression. That's not suicide rates, that's not anxiety, that's not eating disorders, that's not cutting, that's just what's classified as major depression. Has more than doubled. Kids are starting to understand and be educated that there is a negative connotation for social media, and so what we can do now is come alongside of them and help them learn it in a healthy way and help them navigate it, because their ears are open to it. They're like I wanna do this well, like I like being connected to my friends and I like scrolling and seeing all the latest trends, but I don't want it to be crazy, like I don't want it to affect me, and what an honor that we get to step into that balance with them.

Kim Elerick: 16:21

I'm so glad you mentioned that graph, mandy, because I think it really opens our eyes to the effect that we're seeing now that we didn't know and you've even said like our kids were like guinea pigs with social media and parenting, the online world, and now we've got data over a good amount of time showing us exactly how it's affecting them.

Kim Elerick: 16:41

And so we have this graph that you mentioned.

Kim Elerick: 16:43

We are gonna include it in the show resources section for this podcast so you can look at that graph it's called social media and our kids mental health and see it for yourself.

Kim Elerick: 16:51

Share it with your kids. It's great conversation starter and, again, this is just one of those things to be aware of that we wanna take information like this and not use it to threaten our kids or tell them they're wrong or scare them, but use it as a resource for conversation and creating a better relationship, where your kids want to come to you when they have a question like is having a high snap score a sin that they wanna come to you and you can talk them through these questions that delve into the heart of how they're really using social media and get them questioning what is it that I'm doing? That may be good or bad and how can we find the balance together? And like you said, mandy, I love that. It's such an honor and a privilege that we get to walk our kids through finding the space as they grow up. That's really our job. That's really our job.

Mandy Majors: 17:37

They're struggling to navigate it all. They're trying to figure it out and somebody will help them and parents, we want that to be you. You are the hero in this story because you can educate yourself and come alongside your kids and you can help your kids navigate social media. You can keep them mentally healthy as they're going through this process together. Like that is what we want to do, that is our job as parents. We gotta rise up in this digital world. It requires more of us and we gotta educate ourselves. And we got to have these tough conversations. This podcast is ad free because of all the people who donate to our nonprofit.

Kim Elerick: 18:15

Make a donation today at nexTalk. org.

Mandy Majors: 18:18

This podcast is not intended to replace the advice of a trained healthcare or legal professional or to diagnose, treat or otherwise render expert advice regarding any type of medical, psychological or legal problem. Listeners are advised to consult a qualified expert for treatment.