Parenting YouTube

Does it feel like YouTube has become the TV and "Google" for your kids? Do you sometimes find it overwhelming to parent? On this show we share why we consider YouTube a social media platform and how that affects the way you approach it. We'll share real-life practical strategies for parenting YouTube as well as specific conversations to have with your kids that we believe are critical.

Transcript

Mandy Majors: 0:08

Welcome to the next Talk podcast. We are passionate about keeping kids safe in an overexposed world.

Kim Elerick: 0:15

It's Mandy and Kim and we're navigating tech, culture and faith with our kids. YouTube such a big deal. Yeah, I mean, it's literally like the TV of our day. My kids. When they think let's go watch a show, they think YouTube.

Mandy Majors: 0:30

Yeah, I mean, it is the second largest search engine, so it's Google and then YouTube, and I know, for me, when I'm looking up something, I'm using Google, but I don't think kids are. I think kids are searching YouTube.

Kim Elerick: 0:43

My kids were talking to me about this and when they think like how do I do something, or what does this look like, or even for when we're talking about books, they want to hear an excerpt from the book, they will go to YouTube and look it up. So they use YouTube like how we think of Google. They use it as a search engine, as a tutorial, as a TV, so it's kind of their go-to for all things media it's their Google and Kim.

Mandy Majors: 1:09

remind us how old are your kids, because I think this is important to remember here.

Kim Elerick: 1:13

Yeah, I have a nine-year-old, an 11-year-old and a 14-year-old, so all three of them have access in different ways, but they all use YouTube for most of their entertainment.

Mandy Majors: 1:24

Well, and we were doing a show recently on navigating social media, and because I've been in this 10 years, I think what I consider social media looks different than what you define even as social media, and so when I think of social media, I think of older teens and the three biggest platforms that they're on, which come to mind Instagram, tiktok and Snapchat. I think those are the three most used for older kids not necessarily your age range and so one of the things we talked about on that show is we kind of have to start looking at how we define social media differently now, especially for this younger generation, because on YouTube they can search, they can comment, they can talk to strangers, they can get inappropriate content, like all the things that they could do.

Kim Elerick: 2:11

I mean there's likes, they're on videos, so there's all those elements of social media on YouTube and all of the bigger YouTubers and the up and coming YouTubers who are trying to grow their audience. They are engaging on whole different levels, like they will say comment below and I will call you, and so a lot of times they'll see, you'll see phone numbers on there, addresses on there. They are engaging their viewers by flying them out, sometimes to do special appearances on their YouTube channel or to do contests or different things, and so they're engaging in a very different way than when YouTube first started. So it can become very personal very quickly, and so to me, youtube is probably one of the biggest and most widely used social media platforms that we don't think of as social media.

Mandy Majors: 2:57

Well, and one of the things, too, that recently happened on YouTube are these YouTube shorts which are basically just like reels, which, as you're scrolling through them, it's just like TikTok. So we think, oh, our eight or nine year old is safe, it's not social media, they're fine. And so just scrolling through TikTok now is basically kind of what YouTube is starting to become like.

Kim Elerick: 3:19

If you watch YouTube shorts on your phone, it scrolls up just like TikTok the flick of the finger and you're onto the next video, and they're very short and usually catch your attention, and sometimes the content is really intense and it's just very addictive.

Kim Elerick: 3:36

You could sit there and just do it over and over, just like TikTok.

Kim Elerick: 3:39

If you're watching it on your TV or on your computer, you'll have these shorts at the top of the screen, which are kind of supposed to be reflective of the YouTuber themselves.

Kim Elerick: 3:49

But one of the things that I have found is that some of the YouTubers that I have approved and they have good videos where maybe every once in a while a bad word will come out from a guest or whatnot they always bleep that out. They don't do that necessarily in shorts, because they're just trying to get content out at least once a day, sometimes multiple times a day, which is a lot of work, and so lots of times content that you block on the regular YouTube channel is not blocked on the shorts, and content you didn't really want gets thrown in there too to see if you'll pick up on it, and it gets added to your algorithm. So it's a lot less control. It's much more addictive in nature and they designed it that way, and so I definitely would say, if you don't know about YouTube shorts and your family and your kids are on YouTube, you should go check it out, because it has changed a lot.

Mandy Majors: 4:39

And because your kids and at their age are really into YouTube right now, I want you to give us some practical ways that you monitor at home with your kids and then, after we do that, I do want to talk about the importance of the conversation and what to instill in your kid, because one of the things that we've been talking about over and over like you could monitor, you can set all the parental restrictions, but what YouTube may deem appropriate as a parent, you may feel is inappropriate, and so it may not flag it, and so that's where we have to come in with the conversation and the discussion and kind of create this dialogue where your kid is reporting certain things to you. But before we get into all of that, just on a practical level, kim, how do you monitor your kid's YouTube?

Kim Elerick: 5:31

I think it depends a lot on the age of your kid, but I will tell you some of the things that we have done that has helped a lot. First and foremost, in my family we have one YouTube account, so it's under my email and it's monitored on my phone and on our TV, and so any content that is viewed or searched for, I always have easy access to it. I'm not trying to remember my kid's user names and passwords and flip over here and look over there it's all under my name. Now there are some other options that you can do with YouTube. They have parental settings on the regular YouTube channel that you can definitely click through as far as language and content, what level of content, the age of your kid. You can do all of those different things. They also have something that I was looking at called the supervised experience, which is pretty cool, and that's where, if you do want your kid to have a separate account and this is not something I've used, but it came up a couple of years ago and I went back and read about it if you want them to have their own account, you can set up a supervised experience, where it comes underneath your account, and you can set further controls on their account and keep yours the way that you want to view YouTube. So that's pretty good too.

Kim Elerick: 6:39

And they curate the content a little tighter, it says, and the ads they curate based on the age, which is a really big deal, because ads is. One of my warnings on regular YouTube is there's a lot of scary ads, like for movies and different things. There's some sexuality conversations we've had to have based on ads that have popped up and the ads don't match the age on the channel. So if you're going to keep them on a regular YouTube channel, the ads are a big deal and something you need to talk through what they need to do if they see something come up. But that other option, the supervised experience, might be a really good thing to check out. And then there's YouTube kids, and that's something we've done with our youngest, our nine year old, and that really allows you a lot of control on the content. You can block a lot of different things. You can just have certain channels that you want your kid to watch and there's no bad words and the ads are age-appropriate.

Mandy Majors: 7:33

So yeah, and I think with YouTube kids and them curating the ads, even under the supervised experience account according to age, I think we have to be careful because they say they're doing that and maybe they are there's, we don't know. Maybe there are some internal adjustments that they make for those age and on YouTube kids, but we also have to remember again what they're deeming appropriate we may not think is appropriate, because there have been lots of inappropriate stuff on YouTube kids that parents have contacted us about or whatever, and so we never want to get in the option of oh, this is safe hands off, we don't have to do anything else. They do offer these different type of levels that you can check out, but that doesn't mean you can't stop monitoring or you can't stop talking, because things may come through that are not okay.

Kim Elerick: 8:25

That is 100% correct. It's maybe better or maybe toned down on some things, but even with the content, not just the ads you know you have to parent this resource. You can't be hands off, because things will come through on the shows on YouTube, kids, things will come through on the ads, and so these are all good things to do. They're tools, like we always say, but, yeah, you still have to monitor, so that's super important to make that delineation.

Kim Elerick: 8:53

One of the things that I want to mention about our account is when we started out, everything was in restricted mode and we didn't allow comments.

Kim Elerick: 9:02

We didn't allow our kids to engage at all on YouTube and we chose a couple of channels that I'd watched multiple times, that they could watch, and that was the full extent of their experience. Now that was three years ago, and so we have gradually changed that. We've expanded the YouTubers that we watch and my oldest now has the ability to look at comments and has the ability to comment, but it's a conversation, so anytime he wants to comment which he has never he talks about it and we discuss things that we've seen in there, but I want to have the ability to talk through the different issues and the things that he's being exposed to, and that doesn't happen just on the show, it happens at school, it happens out in the real world, and so I wanted the chance, while he was still under my roof, to be able to talk through. What do you think about these comments? Would you say anything to this YouTuber? And so he is allowed to see those, whereas my younger two are not?

Mandy Majors: 9:58

So do you switch between restricted and unrestricted when he's on it versus when they're on it?

Kim Elerick: 10:04

Absolutely, and that has become a really great trust builder, because when my son, my middle son or my daughter wants to watch, they'll just come and let me know and we flip it back on, and so it's been really good for us. It may not work for everyone. You may want to do the different tiers of safety and that might make it easier. That's just how we started back three years ago, progressively giving them some access.

Mandy Majors: 10:28

So I love how you walk us through that, kim, because I think oftentimes when we do enter an app or whatever, we just go full in all at once and you are saying again it's these baby steps, it's okay, we're going to go into YouTube First, it's restricted mode, we're not commenting, we're not looking, we're not, and there's only these YouTubers that we're watching. And slowly but surely, as you've built trust, then they get a little bit more freedom and your 14-year-old looks different than your younger kids, and it should. Your kids' access to anything and everything should be different at different ages when they're ready for it. So I love how you walked us through that.

Kim Elerick: 11:05

You know it's one of those things. It is not easy. You know it is not easy parenting social media. It takes a lot of work and time and energy, but it creates great conversation, it gives your kid a chance to grow trust with you and it's just an opportunity for us to prepare them for the real world that they're going to be in. So, yes, it's not easy, but it's worth it in my mind.

Kim Elerick: 11:26

I do want to share one thing that my son told me this morning, in fact, and I thought was such a great tip that I didn't think of. He said you know, if anybody I knew were just going to start watching YouTube, like, or have their kids start watching YouTube, the parent should go on first and curate the algorithm with purpose. And I was like well, tell me more about that. And he said if you just set up YouTube, there is no algorithm based on what you want to see, so it's just going to throw the most popular videos up there, which is probably not what you want your kid to see. So he said I would go in there and find really good content. Ask your friends whose kids are on YouTube what channels they should watch, and that will set the algorithm from day one, instead of your kid being exposed to a bunch of stuff that you then have to go out and block, and block, and block.

Mandy Majors: 12:11

And I thought, well, that's a really good tip, that's a great tip from a 14 year old. And I didn't even say ask your own kid like what YouTubers do you want to watch first, and then, while you're curating that you can watch some of those videos, make sure it's safe. I mean, you're doing all the research together because you're getting to know OK, this is people that my kids friends are telling him to watch and then he wants to watch or whatever. But it's opening up the dialogue. I love that. The other thing I wanted to say about the algorithm and you know we talked about the shorts and reels and all of that in TikTok, on that four you page or whatever. This is the same kind of situation. They're feeding you stuff based on what you clicked on, and they're probably throwing in random content too to see if you'll take the bait Right. I mean, it's the same kind of algorithm thought process.

Kim Elerick: 13:00

It is, and it's really important to be aware of that, because it's imagine like spoon feeding your baby when they're little. It's the same thing YouTube, social media, that algorithm, the concept behind that is spoon feeding your child what they're saying they want to hear and see, but also throwing in you know, a bite of brownie to see if they like that too. And if you're feeding them peas, that you know it's good for them but it's not as exciting. And suddenly comes a bite of brownie. They're probably going to really like it or be interested or at least curious, and they may click on that new content and then it gets turned into their algorithm. So we must be very careful about that, because it is so intense and they watch so much of it. If we don't monitor it, a lot's getting into their heart and mind. So I think it's super important not only to be aware of the algorithm, but also one of the things that I struggle with and I know all parents do, because we've got a lot to take care of is even though you have approved a YouTuber, it doesn't mean it's approved forever.

Kim Elerick: 14:02

You know we did this show. Mr Beast's friend is transitioning. How Do I Talk to my Kids? And that came out of a show that we had approved, and things started to change on the show, and if I had not regularly checked in and if I had not spent time every once in a while watching these approved YouTubers with my kids, I wouldn't realize that some of the content or things being discussed or presented had really changed. And so I would really encourage you even if you think, oh, this is a good YouTuber and their content, I feel good about that Check back in every once in a while, because things do change. Especially when popularity grows, things change.

Mandy Majors: 14:40

Well, one of the things you pointed out in saying on that show that I thought was really good was you didn't go in guns blazing with no more of the show. It was a conversation of, well, okay, do you guys? I mean because you had watched a couple episodes with it and you felt like the tone was changing of the show, the dynamic, and that is why it was like, oh, this is becoming more of like a political, you know, divisive situation versus just a fun show to unplug from the crazy world that we live in. And I think then it became a conversation of is this somebody that we still want to watch because now there's this huge controversy around him and all that kind of stuff. But I did like that point that just because a YouTuber changes which I think is a very valid point, people change.

Mandy Majors: 15:28

This goes with celebrities you follow on social media. Pastors, even like pastors, have gone off the wall. You know anybody who you see themselves moving away from good content or you know in from a Christian perspective, moving away from Jesus or pointing me in the wrong direction, kind of thing I'm always telling my kids like that's a conversation. Do we really want to keep allowing this into our heart and mind. You know if this content is not productive for us or just funny like it can just be funny, but is it harmful or helpful in our relationship with God and our faith and our heart and just protecting our heart and mind.

Kim Elerick: 16:05

Great question to always ask. I think that's super important and it walks your kid through that process that they're going to be able to use the rest of their life. You know, is this experience and what I'm allowing in worth the sacrifice? And so I think that's really important.

Kim Elerick: 16:19

Another thing that I've noticed is, with something new, especially like social media, my first thought sometimes is that's the enemy.

Kim Elerick: 16:27

You know, I go to a negative place and if your kids are at school or with their friends and everybody's talking about how fun it is or they're showing them clips and it just seems like a good thing, and they come home and you shut it down and you make it the enemy, then that puts a divide between you and your kid.

Kim Elerick: 16:43

Instead, one of the things that I have done that has really, really worked is tell me more about why you like it One and let's see if there's a side to it that is helpful versus hurtful, like you're saying, or harmful, and so a good example is when my daughter came to me and said I want to watch YouTube, and she was like seven and I was like, oh no, sister, you know I want, right there.

Kim Elerick: 17:04

I went into, like it is the enemy, and then I took a step back and I circled back with her and I said, hey, tell me why you want to watch YouTube. And my daughter is an amazing little artist and she had heard from a friend that they have these really cool drawing tutorials on YouTube, which is fine and what a cool thing that she could do during the summer, you know, is I could pull up a video and she could learn some new drawing techniques. And so we were able to do that and you know I apologize to her and we talked through the parameters and how and when she could use YouTube, instead of me just shutting it down and then her thinking, well, why is an art tutorial the enemy? So I think sometimes we have to check ourselves a little bit in the way we respond to something new our kids bring to us, like YouTube.

Mandy Majors: 17:48

I mean technology. Any app can be used for good and bad, you know, and so it's just helping your kid navigate, finding the good in it and using it for good and being safe on it. That's what we want to do here. So I loved all the practical suggestions you gave, kim, because I think they'll be really helpful to parents of young kids kind of navigating this landscape. But I do want to talk also about how you can set all you're gonna. You can put it in restricted mode, you can put it in the supervised account, you know you can create a supervised account. You can go to YouTube kids, you can do all these things, but then bad content that you deem inappropriate can still pop up. So we never want to just set restrictions and then be like, okay, that's done, check, I don't ever have to talk about YouTube or anything like that again. We never want to live in that space because that's not. That's like a lie from the enemy. Really. It's a false sense of security that we're feeling, and so these restrictions that you're setting, it's a tool in your tool belt, but the first line of defense is your kid reporting things to you that are going to pop up. So it's very critical that you have some set guidelines Like I need you to tell me about these five things. Or, and you know, list them out for your kid what you want your kid reporting to you and we did a whole show on this. It's called five reporting guidelines to get your kid talking. We'll link it below.

Mandy Majors: 19:17

But you need to make sure your kid knows what to report to you and when they do, you have to praise them, not go crazy on them. So even if it's crazy content that you're like wow, I can't believe this came through on YouTube. Kids, this is nuts, right. You still have to respond to them Like thank you so much for telling me. You know this is not really appropriate for your heart and mind. Or or just talk about the video, like why it's not healthy for them. You know, if it's somebody shooting somebody, honey, this desensitizes you to the fact that that's a person and I never want you to feel like taking a human life. You know like you can have these conversations with them to explain why it's not good for their heart and mind and why you need this stuff reported to you.

Kim Elerick: 20:04

And I would even add, have some empathy for your kid. And that's something that has gone really far for me a couple of times when something has come through on a show for especially when my kids were a little bit younger and it was a show they really liked, and then suddenly it just was not a good show for them to watch, and I know what that would feel like if I was watching something and then suddenly I couldn't watch it because of whatever reason. I'd be frustrated and disappointed. And so in all those conversations of explaining, I think also getting touched with that side of you know I'm really sorry, that's probably really disappointing and maybe we can spend some time finding another show that you will enjoy. That's good for your heart and mind. I think that goes far with our kids. For them to feel like you understand that it's frustrating.

Mandy Majors: 20:47

When they're little. You just have to help them navigate a little bit more than you know. With my teenagers, they're navigating this on their own. Now They've learned to protect their own heart and mind. We have less and less conversations about it because they're doing it right, but when they're little, you're still training them up on what that looks like, and so I think that's really, really important Always keep talking, always. It's just they'll get less and less over time because you see them regulating. You know it's just like gaming and my son he's a big gamer. When he was little, so many conversations about self-regulation and his emotions when he was playing and how do you see how it changes you, and all of that kind of stuff. And now he can do it on his own. So we still occasionally will talk about it, but not anything like we did when they were your kids ages, when you got to be in there really instilling the foundational truths for them. One more thing before we.

Mandy Majors: 21:43

I know this show is a lot about monitoring your kids, youtube and all of that. When my kids were little, they wanted to create their own YouTube channel. I want to be a famous YouTuber kind of thing, and I remember starting out. One of the things that I did was I made sure nobody could comment and we had a role that their face couldn't be in the video. This is when they were little and it was just kind of a fun way for them to be creative and their friends would subscribe. They would be so excited if they got five subscribers or whatever.

Kim Elerick: 22:12

I was a subscriber.

Mandy Majors: 22:14

I remember, I remember, but again it's just like what you said, kim, not having empathy. They want to be creative, they want to get out there and put their content out. They want to record themselves playing a video game and what they're saying in the background. They just want to be creative in that way, in their generation way, with technology, and so I was trying to find a way for them to be safe and for them to be able to do it, and so, again, it's just those little baby steps that you can find to kind of meet in the middle to help them experience something, but then also make sure they are very safe, as we're talking about this and kind of making it apparent that YouTube really is social media.

Kim Elerick: 23:03

No matter what social media it is, we do have to get in there and we have to figure out what it is, how we can monitor it best, the good and the bad and then talk through it with our kids. I mean there's some great things on YouTube, some content. I mean I like to listen to my Christian music on there because there'll be like a pretty background sometimes or I can see the words. My kids have done all kinds of tutorials, everything from cooking to basketball to drawing, and there's some funny shows out there too Good stuff. We just have to learn how to monitor it ourselves first and then teach that to our kids and so, as it grows with them, they know how to protect their own heart and mind. And remember YouTube is not the enemy, we just need to parent it.

Mandy Majors: 23:46

This podcast is ad-free because of all the people who donate to our nonprofit.

Kim Elerick: 23:52

Make a donation today at next Talk. org. This podcast is not intended to replace the advice of a trained healthcare or legal professional, or to diagnose, treat or otherwise render expert advice regarding any type of medical, psychological or legal problem. Listeners are advised to consult a qualified expert for treatment.