Break The Norm: The Cost of Living for Other People

The environment around you shapes more of your life than you probably realize.

After arriving in Italy, I noticed an immediate shift within myself. Life slowed down. Conversations felt different. Priorities felt different. And it made me start questioning just how much culture, family, and social expectations influence the decisions we make every day.

In this episode, I share a conversation I had in Sweden that completely changed my perspective on freedom, identity, and what it truly means to live authentically. We’ll discuss the invisible forces that quietly guide our choices, why so many people feel disconnected from the life they actually want, and the difficult—but necessary—questions we must ask ourselves if we want to live fully.

Because at the end of the day, you only get one life. The question is: are you living yours for yourself?

Watch the stream here: www.donnyraus.com/blog.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Most people spend their entire life stressed without ever giving a single thought as to what it is they really want or what's important to them. See, I'm here to cut through all that noise, connecting you to yourself and the life that you were meant to live. I used to slave away at a corporate job that I hated, but I broke through the social norms and pursued my passion. As a result, I own my own coffee company, I'm the espresso sommelier, and I get to travel the world. You too can live a life that you love, but it starts with getting clear about what you want. It starts with a new decision. I'm your host, Donnie Rouse, and you're listening to the podcast One Life. And in the just the energy of the place. When I got to Italy, I felt this immediate calming effect. Like things were starting to slow down. And rightly so, because Italy is a not as, I would say, advanced as Stockholm. Stockholm was a modern city. It could have been New York City for um with with a much better with a much better uh environment because of all the canals. But it was definitely a different pace when I got here to Italy. And it was because of the change in culture and the change of lifestyle. Much slower lifestyle here in Italy than it was in Scandinavia. And with that, I want to share with you just uh a message as or a lesson on just how important and how powerful culture is. My last night in Sweden, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to go out, but I had made some friends there, one guy from Finland. Um, and as we were talking, we also met a girl from Pakistan. So the girl from Pakistan kind of round up the troops. She's like, hey, let's go out for a drink. Not really wanted to go out, but wanting to go out just because it was my last night, and I was willing to go out for maybe like a half an hour or so, which ended up turning out to be like an hour and a half. I said, okay, so I joined them outside. I got my friend Joni from uh from Finland. We went outside, we met her. Uh the first bar we went to was closed. So we went to another bar that was open the entire night. When we get there, we were both a little bit surprised to find that she ordered a Dia Coke. That was the drink that she wanted to get. But for uh for her, a Diet Coke, it was just a matter of being social. Going out to bar was the just being social. As we started talking further, she had told us that she was from Pakistan. And so one of the first Pakistani that I've ever met in traveling, I was a little intrigued by that. And uh when we were kind of inquiring why she wasn't drinking alcohol, she said she had never touched alcohol. In which I replied, Well, that's interesting. You had alcohol at the hostel. I gave her this candy called Punch, which is a like a candy roll that contains liquor in it. I had mentioned it to her, but she must not have heard me as she was uh a little bit taken aback. Uh but she took it really well. The fact that she had just had her first taste of alcohol in this candy that she really, really enjoyed. As we were talking, she had asked about whether or not I was married, and I told her no, I was not. Uh she asked why. I was like, Well, I haven't found anyone that uh I feel that way about, but also a lifestyle I have. Like, I I love traveling, I love being able to do what I want to do, I like the freedom. When I asked about her, she told me that she was married. And there was this to give you some context, like there was this heaviness. I could see she's a very, very, very nice and beautiful girl, but there was this heaviness to her. And when she told me about the marriage, she was went on to tell me about how like all they do is really argue and how they probably shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. As she was saying this, I really started to read between the lines, and then I asked the next question, she said, Well, was this an arranged marriage? And she obliged, Yes. And then it all made sense. And then I asked her again, I was like, then why? Why do it? Like, if you both are unhappy, if neither of you want to be married, why stay married? Like, why not go out and live your own life? She told me that the reason why they didn't want it, because they neither of them wanted to upset their parents. This was I I couldn't even comprehend because I can't imagine myself in that situation. Uh, but yet at the same time, we all have some influence from the culture, whether it be the area we live or it be our families, which has probably the strongest grip on the uh the actions we take. And so I guess with that, as I say, like you know, every you change your environment, right? You go to a new culture, it's gonna change how you approach and how you live in that culture. So it is especially true of that in our family environments and where you live. And the reason I ask is because I you're probably already asking yourself the question about how is my culture, how are the cultural norms affecting me or impacting my life? And am I okay with that? Am I doing the things that align with my with my life, the direction I want to take it? And if you are answering that, you're probably asking that. If you're not asking that question, you're likely asking it now, and then I wanted to follow up with this question. Why? Who is it that you have to uh do these things for? Maybe it is keeping up with the friends this way, uh no one sees what's going on beneath, or this way you fit in, or maybe it's you don't want to upset parents like uh like my Pakistani friend. And then lastly, is what would happen if you made that change, right? It's it's like the trifecta question. You always have to ask, like, well, what if the opposite were true? How would that change your current reality? Likely you're gonna upset people. It's impossible to go through this world without upsetting people, especially those closest to you. But in the end, it is your life, and you only get one. And with that, I just want to I'm gonna leave it right there. I just want you to ask a different question as to is the life that you're living, one that you're proud of, one that excites you. Because that is my desire for you. And I and I ask that as I'm sitting here. Um, you know, I I could go on roller coasters emotionally up and down, and but this last uh couple days, I'm just looking at there as I'm making my coffee videos, I'm like, man, like this is my life. And um, but it came, you know, I when building this, I had to, I got kicked back from my family, my friends, you know, like customers, everybody's saying, like, well, well, wow, you're traveling again. Well, why do you do this? Why do you settle down? But this is how I want to live my life. And realizing that I am living in a way that's in accordance with the desires I have makes me feel good. Right? And when I feel out of sync, it's because I'm not acknowledging, I'm not bringing gratitude for the the gifts that I get to experience on a daily basis. So that is my uh my intention for you. I hope you guys just uh take what I'm saying here and use it so that you can start to course correct and develop and create a life that excites you. Hope you enjoyed this. Remember, you only get one life live fully, live passionately, and most of all, live now. God bless you guys.