Season 5 - Episode 2 -Should YOU be Celibate?

Money Sex Gen X Podcast – Season 5, Episode 2
“Should You Be Celibate?”

In this thought-provoking episode, Eric Mc and Big Stew sit down with special guest Lady Hope, a luxury pedicure provider and creator of Opulence body care products, who has been practicing abstinence for 15 years. Together, they unpack the difference between celibacy and abstinence, the concept of soul ties, and why casual sex may carry deeper consequences than most people realize.

The conversation gets real as the hosts share their own journeys of abstinence, talk through cultural pressures on Black men and women, and debate whether waiting until marriage puts relationships at risk—or strengthens them. Lady Hope also brings her faith-based perspective, reminding listeners that sex is spiritual first, physical second.

From personal testimonies to devil’s advocate questions, this episode challenges long-held beliefs and offers practical life game for anyone wrestling with intimacy, discipline, and identity in today’s hookup culture.

🎧 Tap in for a mix of honesty, wisdom, and a few laughs—Gen X style.

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Transcript

Should You Be Celibate?

[00:00:00] Good morning, Chicago, and the rest of the world. Welcome to the Money Sex Gen X podcast. You want some game life game. This is season five, episode number two. We got an important topic today. Should you be celibate? I'm your host with the most, Mr. Eric Mc, a KE Money, a podcast pimping, sometimes slipping, but never tripping.

[00:00:46] I am joined by my co-host, the Titan of team tech music mogul in the making the jigger. Figures. My co-host, my co CEO, [00:01:00] my co-creator. Mm-hmm. Give it up for big Stew.

[00:01:07] What's happening man? What's going on this morning? Man? Look, I just was, I'm still reeling off the good time I had yesterday beautiful time hosting a couple of the guys at the house, including you. That was a nice, so, um, I'm still off of that, man. I had a good, good time. Good time yesterday, man. Yeah. How are you this morning?

[00:01:27] I'm doing good. I'm doing good. Um, morning. Started off a little rocky, but I'm gonna smooth it out. Yeah, I had a great time yesterday. Thank you for the invite. Met some great people and uh, made some, some future connections. So that's always good. It, it is very intentional, brother. It is very intentional.

[00:01:44] Absolutely. Absolutely. So we have a, a beautiful queen that's joining us this morning. We're going introduce you all to her in one second, but before we do that big stu, do we wanna tell the people about the MSG merch? [00:02:00] Yeah, absolutely. We want to tell them about our merch. We wanna have you all go and, and, and look at some of the items that we have in our store.

[00:02:14] Right? Um, new merch is dropping soon. EI dropped the ball. I'm, I'm been a little bit behind on that new merge, but, okay. Hey man. Hey, you're only selfish to people who can't get their weight with you. You know, we got the mugs, we got the throw blankets. All right. We got short sleeves. Ease into eating better.

[00:02:36] My favorite one, we got some long sleeves. We got some. Lady cut tees. Women's only. We got Champion jts. Okay. You know we got face masks 'cause you should still mask up out there. Particularly if you are in large crowds and haven't been vaxxed. Book bags, backpacks, leggings. Man, we got a whole underwear for the fellas.

[00:02:58] Beach towel [00:03:00] socks. I'm wearing my MSG socks today, by the way. All right. Lots of stuff I got. I have these, I have those right there. My lady had on that, that joint this weekend. The pink hoodie. So that was nice. The pink hoodie. Your lady got the pink hoodie? Yeah, she was rocking. Oh, she cold with it? She, yeah.

[00:03:16] My lady actually was wearing the ease into eating better tea this weekend, so that was good. Alright. Okay. That's the one I need. That's the one that's on my list. Yeah, we got the zip, zip hoodies because it's sweater weather. Sweater weather right now. So yeah. Get the hoodie game. Get your hoodie. Game lotta of merch.

[00:03:34] Get over there. Go get your merch, get your holiday shopping on. Get your holiday shopping on. So that's what's happening over there. Yeah. Yeah. This is the new drip. This is, uh, the MSG merch. We are, we definitely in the merch game. This isn't about collecting a coin, it's just about showing, improving the movement.

[00:03:51] We would love to see you beautiful people in our merch. And when we say our, we're talking about all of us as Gen Xers and those who support the [00:04:00] movement. So yeah, shop money, sex gen x.com. Uh, we always wanna encourage everybody out there, we know you're watching this show, please, like, comment, share, um, drop life game in the comments.

[00:04:12] So we know you're out there watching. We know sometimes you don't feel comfortable, uh, typing in the comments, your personal thoughts, which is cool. But hit us with the Life game hashtag just so we know you, you out there. Hey man, you know, let me give a special shout out, man. It is Indigenous People's Day.

[00:04:29] Indigenous People day. Yeah, I saw that. I've been waiting on this for a long time, man. Uh, Jay, Jay-Z. The only Christopher we acknowledge is Wallace. It is Indigenous People's Day today. Yeah, it is. And I'm excited to be here second year in a row that we've, you know, last year people didn't catch on it. Uh, it's not, it's not that other person's day.

[00:04:53] It's indigenous People's Day today. So shout out to all the indigenous people from [00:05:00] the Haitian community. The, the, the, the, the, the Native American community, the black French community, the jean community, all of that, all the indigenous people. America. Shout out to all of y'all. All of us. No doubt. So that's what's up.

[00:05:23] I wonder, you know, I found out an interesting fact real quick, I dunno if it's sound interesting, little tidbit. One of my favorite dance hall artists, uh, SuperCAT, I, I think he's coming back out, um, piece to him. But he, I read an article saying that he was an Apache Indian Wow. Indigenous people. So I didn't know that.

[00:05:43] So I might shift a little more into that, but, okay. So let's get into our topic. We got a beautiful guest. I'm gonna, if you could bring her on Stew. Absolutely. I'm gonna try to do her background some justice. Good morning, lady Hope. Good Morning Kings. How you [00:06:00] doing this morning? I'm awesome. Just like you all.

[00:06:03] All right, I appreciate that. Um, I'm gonna try to do your intro, some, some justice, and then I want you to kind of give it the real spin. So I'm gonna give you the, the written version. So Lady Hope, from what I know, is a, a luxury pedicure provider. And correct me if I'm wrong, queen. Yes. 29 years worth of experience.

[00:06:21] She's the creator of opulence custom blended perfume oils. Yes. I'd like to know a little bit more about that. Body butters and sugar scrubs. Yes. Uh, a willing vessel when God uses her. Yes. And she's been practicing, and this ties into our topic. She's been practicing, practicing abstinence, abstinence for 15 years, years.

[00:06:45] We're gonna get into abstinence versus celibacy because I don't, I think I'm misinformed, so I'm gonna be looking to you, uh, lady. Hope to get, be clear on these definitions. And she has been patiently waiting on God to deliver her the right [00:07:00] person. Okay. Now, is this the right person or the right brother?

[00:07:06] It is. If you wanna be technical. It is the man that God created for me before the foundation of the earth. Who was custom made just for me. I love it. I love it. Okay. All right, so that's the, uh, so please give it up for Lady Hope. She's the founder, CEO of Thank you. That's the little corporate joint. So I want you to kind of really let us know who you be.

[00:07:33] Okay. Well, my name is Lady Hope. I am, uh, lady Hope of Lady Hope Exclusives and I offer high end luxury pedicures. Um, so you soak your feet in, give you an example. You soak your feet in milk. Um, organic lemon grass, fresh cut lemons, fresh cut roses, unbelievable. 14 kiri gold fo flakes, hot chocolate and marshmallows.

[00:07:59] Um, I [00:08:00] have the, um, the flower bomb pedicure. That's the number one pedicure. Okay. Um, it's, it's just opulence. It's, mm-hmm. Um, the other people offer, uh, pedicures, but it's more basic. It's in and out quick, you know, and we need luxury, you know? Mm-hmm. Anytime you receive a service that needs to be done with the spirit of excellence and passion, and so that's what I try to execute with my pedicures.

[00:08:25] And I do make my own custom blended perfume oils, body butter, sugar scrubs, um, opulent. They last 24 hours on the skin. Um, this, this is one of the, can't really see it, but this is one of the butters right here. I got some, I got the bougie red Egyptian musk. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Body butter. Okay, bro, I, I was, I was gifted.

[00:08:52] So I've been following Lady Hope on social media for, for years and never, I don't think I've ever met her. Although we, we have a kindred [00:09:00] spirit about it. Mm-hmm. You know, we have a connection. I don't know what that's about, but my lady gifted me for Father's Day. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. A pedicure. I didn't know what I was walking into, man.

[00:09:11] I had no clue. I had no clue. But when I tell you I was walking, I walked out on pillows. Praise God. I walked out on pillows, bro. Praise. And, and it lasted all of a month. Thank you. Real talk. Real talk. Thank you. Real talk. It was the Gold Flakes and the, anyway, anyway I've been, I've been, um. I've been, I've been, uh, I don't even know the right word.

[00:09:39] I'm speechless on how good these pedicures are, but I've been a customer ever since, man. Well, I wanna be opulent too, so I'm gonna have to go and, and get some more information. I think my lady wants to be opulent. That bougie red butter might be fitting for her. I don't know. Oh, right now? Yeah. Yeah. It's definitely a tree for your, [00:10:00] for your feet.

[00:10:01] Okay. Yeah. I've used some scrubs for my feet in the past, so I'm really curious about that one. So it's like, I don't think you had a, I don't Removing the dead skin as you're rubbing it on your, on your feet. Is that how it works, bro? She, she got something, bro. I'm telling you, you, she got some extra for, for you.

[00:10:15] It's the whole experience. Yeah. She, okay. You've never had anything like this before. I'm absolutely sure of it. And e you know, I normally bring it to you, right? No doubt. Before we forget, we gotta let the people know where to go to get your products. I want to do that right up front. What's the website?

[00:10:32] The website is www lady hope. Dot Gloss genius.com Okay. Get over there and get some opulence in your license. Everyone needs opulence. Everyone needs opulence. Lady Hope. Lady Hope dot gloss genius.com. Dot com. Okay. Web address. I like that gloss. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. [00:11:00] That's dope. That's dope. Okay. All right, so Lady, hope we are really looking for you today to educate us on this topic.

[00:11:06] Now we have another queen that we work with, okay? Um, she has a company called INE Spencer Consulting. She does our market research. Okay. We want you to challenge us on this research. Nobody's gonna get offended, but I'm gonna read to you what she gave us and I, I think we're gonna probably disagree on these terms, so we need you to get us straight, so, okay.

[00:11:27] Possibly. Okay. So many people use celibacy and abstinence interchangeably. Mm-hmm. I've been guilty of this myself. I thought I was being celibate, but I think it was abstinence. We'll find out. Uh, her definition was that abstinence usually refers to the decision not to have sex. Uh, penetrative sex typically limited to a specific period of time, such as until marriage.

[00:11:53] Mm-hmm. No penetration, uh, specific period of time waiting for [00:12:00] marriage. Okay. So that's her definition of abstinence. Celibacy, she's saying, is a vow to remain abstinent over an extended period of time. Sometimes this might mean people's entire life. Yes. Yes. Are those correct? That's what the nuns practice.

[00:12:16] Okay. They practice celibacy. Their, their, their, their ultimate goal is to never engage, um, in sexual relations. Okay. All right. So we're on track. Abstinence means you just waiting on your husband. Now. Now, let me ask you this. Um, never engaging, um, you would be a virgin. Mm-hmm. But so is it celibacy After you become a celibate?

[00:12:45] Celibate after having sex or like you're a virgin, you never have sex, right? Do you have sex and then to say, oh, I'm not doing it anymore. I'm celibate. Or you can, it can, it can go that way. It can go that way. It can [00:13:00] go that way. You can have had sex before and then, um, made up your mind. It's just like young women that go into the priesthood.

[00:13:09] They may have had sexual relations before. Um, okay. Usually nuns are pretty young though, so it might have been one guy, two guy, and then they said, you know what, I wanna consecrate my life unto the Lord. And then they just make up their mind to, that's the lifestyle that they wanna live. Okay. All right. So our research is on point.

[00:13:29] Yes. Research is on point, but should we name, should we rechange this title each or should we, should we fix it? Or what are we doing here? I think it's important to leave it the way that it is. Mm-hmm. Simply because it opens the door for the entire conversation. Yes. Because they're gonna come in the door and be thinking, we talking about one part of it, but then we get into the whole conversation.

[00:13:54] So I think we're good, Stu. I think, and we're gonna actually dig in hope. I, in full [00:14:00] disclosure, this conversation came up around a group of men last night or yesterday. Okay. Like this conversation. And your position in particular came under fire, came under scrutiny. Okay. Eric, you remember that part of the conversation cave last night?

[00:14:18] Yeah. Yeah, A little bit, yes. Yeah. Yeah. So we had, what was the part? We'll get, we're gonna dig, you know, it was like if she waiting, she waiting 30. She gonna be waiting for forever. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like it. It's a wrap. She hang it up. What's she doing? Let, it was we, I wasn't defending, I was just listening and we was like, this gonna be a great conversation.

[00:14:41] We're gonna dig in a little bit. Hope. Okay. We're gonna challenge some things today. Okay. Yeah. Brothers got a little emotional about that. Did they? Yeah. Yeah. It was a little, got a little heat, a little heat on heat. So that was good. That was good. And I would wonder why it'd be nice to have one of them on and be like, well, why was that so [00:15:00] emotional, you know, in that moment.

[00:15:01] But, um, that's a good question. I, I would really like to know. Ooh, I wish I could have been there. Yeah, that would've been nice. 'cause that's, that's a, that's a very good question. Why, why were they so emotional? The Bible says he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. So, I mean, you, today's society is really big on casual sex.

[00:15:24] Let's just go right into it. It's a, it's a big thing. Everybody's doing it. Um, casual. Casual. When I looked up, the word means relaxed and unconcerned. Mm-hmm. That's, that's not the way we are supposed to view. Um, sharing something so beautiful and so sacred with someone else is being, um, unconcerned and relaxed, you know, and, and I think that we need to understand that, you know, the world pretty much talks about, um, STDs and teenage [00:16:00] pregnancy and unwanted babies and all this, that, and the other, but it's a lot of stuff that we don't talk about, which is soul ties, which is, um, you know, we, we have great chemistry sexually, but what are we gonna talk about the other 23 hours out of the day that we don't have any other connection?

[00:16:18] And a lot of times people have great sex with people and they stay in relationships that they should have never have given that much energy to, because now you're dealing with past trauma. She has past trauma or, or women are emotional. Men are mental. So when, when women engage in sex, it's, we're thinking and feeling something that may not be what's on the, what's on the brother's mind.

[00:16:44] It's, it, it, it just opens up a lot. Um, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, um, sex isn't really something that's supposed to be taken lightly because if it does, it, it, and I think that's the number one thing. You [00:17:00] know, most people have had, um, great sexual experiences and when you look back, you like, why did I even, she was toxic.

[00:17:10] He was toxic. Like, what was I doing? Why did I stay so long? And it's the chemistry. So at first I didn't think like this, let me say that I didn't think like this. Um, I was like everybody else. I was, I had, I had played different roles. Girlfriend, uh, kids, mother wifey is, come on, keep coming, keep coming, keep coming because you come on.

[00:17:32] Bring out some more. What else? What other roles did you play? Broke up. So now I'm the side girlfriend. Okay. Okay. Bring it, bring it. You know, but I never did it. Guys. Why? Said, let me, you know what, let me, let me try this a different way. Let me try God's way. 'cause my way, not working. So outta all that I had experienced in relationships, great sex, I'd never been a wife.

[00:17:54] And then that's when I took a step back and realized my sex isn't casual. [00:18:00] Because it's not just the, the, the sex that you're getting or that I'm giving, I'm giving you, I'm opening up myself to emotionally, my soul space, you know? And so we only talk about people that. You know, when you, you know, uh, pe older people say when you have sex, you having sex with everybody they had sex with.

[00:18:20] But also at the same time, people carry energy. You know, you have sex with somebody and it's good or whatever, and then you get up and they mad. Now you mad. Energy is transferrable. So it's, you know, I've heard people ask me, they say, well, especially men, well how you and women, you, you know, you really not gonna have sex till you get married to your honeymoon.

[00:18:42] Like, you know, like, I gotta test drive the car, baby. I'm not gonna be able to do it. You know, and, and people, that's the number one thing people say, I wanna talk about that too. And I, and I was talking to King and I was telling him when he was getting his pedicure, I said, people always say that to me. And I give the analogy, oh yeah, this was great.

[00:18:59] I, [00:19:00] and, um, when I went car shopping, I went to a couple of different lots. And so I had jumped in, uh, one car and it looked good on me. It, it, it felt good. You know, bucket seats low to the ground. It was nice. You had the new car smell and everything. And I drove it around and it was nice, real nice. I drove it around and then I was like, nah, that's not it.

[00:19:22] I don't want this. That's not it. Put, so I went, so this, uh, salesman C said, well, I got something else I could put you in. I said, okay. I drove it. It was, it was better, uh, bigger, better. Awesome, you know, zero to have you real quick. It was nice, nice looked good, felt good, you know. And I drove that around. I was like, no, that's not it either.

[00:19:43] Wow. So then I said, well, you know what, I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna wait. Not in a rush. I'm gonna wait. So two days later, as I was explaining to King, I went and saw my truck that I'm in now. So the seller say, you wanna take a force spin? I said, Nope. He, he say, you. I said, I don't have to. I said, I know, I [00:20:00] know.

[00:20:00] I know. That's the truck that I want. Now the other cars and the other truck had everything that I wanted, right? It had the bells and whistles, but the truck had everything that I needed. I have seven grandchildren, so I needed a third row seat. It had rear view cam, remote starter, heated seat, heated steering wheel.

[00:20:20] It had everything. It had more to offer me than what I needed. So because of the weight, I now only received what I needed. Also got some perks of what I wanted. And so when people say, do you have to test drive it? No, because God says, if you all being parents would give your children, uh, uh, what is the scripture?

[00:20:41] Lord, give your children gifts. What? I reward you with a snake? Something like that. But basically what he's saying is, I'm gonna paraphrase it. If I'm trying to execute something that the majority of the people are not even trying to be on, on thinking like this, will God really reward me with a man on my wedding night that we're [00:21:00] not sexually compatible, knowing that if I cheat or he cheat, that's, that's adultery.

[00:21:06] That's a whole nother segment. God doesn't, God doesn't play games like that, and he honors us. When we're trying to live a lifestyle, um, that he told us to do. You, you know what I'm saying? He doesn't, he doesn't do that. He doesn't do that. Okay. And so, yes, I'm, I'm, it's a faith walk. It's a faith walk. A faith walk.

[00:21:25] Absolutely. I agree with that. That's an interesting point of view. I'm gonna play devil's advocate on that in a minute. Go ahead. I'm ready. I wanna push, I wanna push it, but I wanna, I wanna get through the rest of our, because I wanna get your thoughts on the rest of what we call these actual factuals.

[00:21:40] Okay? So before we get into our, me and Stu, before we get into our opinions or the guest experiences, we like to try to bring what people may consider to be facts. Okay? So, so we got the abstinence, the celibacy. Now here's one. I wonder what you all would think. Uh, it says African Americans are least [00:22:00] likely to be celibate while survey respondents and other groups, so I guess Asians and all those other people, it said that Asians are the most likely to be celibate.

[00:22:11] So supposedly the African American, and I wonder if, does this include all black people or just black people in this country, but supposedly we're the least likely to be celibate. Well, it's saying, it's saying African American, so that's this country. Yeah. But sometimes people use that loosely, you know what I mean?

[00:22:28] Like if somebody was doing a survey and they said, are you African American? They didn't have any other choices and you know, you're not white or Latino, you might hit that. You know what I mean? So I don't maybe, maybe. Okay. And then the reasons for abstinence, and I know everybody would have their reasons, and this specifically said abstinence, not celibacy.

[00:22:49] Okay. And, uh, preventing, um, pregnancies and disease, waiting for a certain level of romantic commitment. Focusing on school or your career. [00:23:00] Lower stress and stew. Religious reasons. Mm-hmm. Religious reasons. So I want to get you all's thoughts on that. First, do we believe. The African Americans, the black people in this country are the least likely to be celibate.

[00:23:14] Yeah, I believe it. That's easy. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Now, why is, why is that? Why are we more sexual than other people? Or what's, what's the deal with that? What think It's just, you wanna answer? You wanna go? No, go ahead. Go ahead, queen. No, no, no. I talk all the time on here. This is, this is about to guess right now.

[00:23:35] I just think that our, our, our mindset is more lax on it because we, we think that sex is casual. We just, we only look at the, the physical aspect of it, and we really don't take time to understand that. It's, it is more spiritual than it is physical. Mm. Because when you get up from the act, you don't know, really understand what all you've gotten up with.

[00:23:59] And I'm not [00:24:00] talking about a STD, you know, we talking about soul ties and, and, and all of that type of things. And. You know how you be with somebody for about five years and you don't, you ought have broke up and she's moved on and you moved on. But it's still something, it's, it's, it's that residue from that person's still in your psyche.

[00:24:21] It's like you, you still can't shake, shake her and you moved on and you can't explain it. And, and, and, and, and you all don't even talk anymore. All that is po. Yeah. Yeah. It's a real, you, you gotta dig, you gotta dig into, go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. Say A mindset needs to change. Um, we're guarding sex as being casual.

[00:24:46] You said the Chinese, what, what group of people did you say were, yeah, it says that Asian Americans, so I guess this is slanted towards people in this country, but it said Asian Americans are the most likely to be celebrated. [00:25:00] Well, abstine, I mean, I'm sorry. See, there we go. That's fine words, but to be abstinent.

[00:25:05] So to abstain from sex for a shorter period of time, no penetration. Okay. Now I always get offended whenever people say anything bad about black people. I mean, I'm definitely able to see both sides, but whenever it's like black people are the most likely to do something negative, I do not believe that other groups don't have soul ties or that we're the only group, the group that takes sex casually out acquaintances that are Caucasian and Hispanic.

[00:25:36] And I know they have a lot of casual sex, so I just don't believe we're the only group that's in the Hit It and Quitted or you know, I just gotta pick somebody up at the bar. I know we're not the only group that does that, and that's the only issue I have with this research. I gotcha. I understand. Why we always gotta be the ones that's the, the worst in every category.

[00:25:59] Like I just, I have [00:26:00] more than worst. I'm not gonna say we the worst in every category. We not. Okay. That's not true. Okay. That's not sure. I think we're the best more times than not, but even in this situation, I think the millennials have way less sex black millennials than we did as Gen Xers or baby boomers.

[00:26:19] So do you believe that? Oh yeah, absolutely. I think they have way less sex. Yeah. From what? From my discussions with them, they don't, they're more worried about COVID in some cases. They want commitment more so than we did when we were younger. I believe that from the people I've spoken to. That's interesting.

[00:26:36] 'cause my young clients, their role models are Meg, the Stallion and Cardi B, but, okay, lady Hope about, what did Cardi say? She said I got a, what'd she say? I got a ring. I don't cook. I don't clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But are they actually living that? I know that's her lyrics. No, I believe her. I believe she is [00:27:00] right.

[00:27:00] She, yeah, that's Cardi. That's who lives, of course she, yeah, I know Cardi now. Cardi, I, I'm sure. Oh yeah, she got a ring. She don't cook. She don't clean. Yeah. That's real. But I, I got a question. I got a question. I have a question for Lady Hope. Okay. Well, not really a question, but I'm asking you to dig into a little bit more about the Soul Ties.

[00:27:19] I just learned about Soul Ties about five years ago. I didn't, I had never heard that before. And I think there are a lot of people that don't, don't fully, can you dig into Soul Ties and more importantly, I don't know if you're able to, but can you talk about. Breaking soul ties. Ooh, Jesus. The, the answer for that is God.

[00:27:41] That, that, that, that, you know, it's, uh, something in the Bible where, um, Jesus disciples tried to deliver a man and they were very unsuccessful, and they went back to the Lord and they said, why we couldn't, um, cast the demons out of the [00:28:00] person like you do. Like we, we follow you, we watch you, we study you.

[00:28:03] You know, why, why we couldn't do it. We, we, you know, we walk in faith enough to be able to do that. And Jesus said, uh, these kind only go out by praying faster. Um, soul ties, sex is such a casual thing, like I said, and it was not created. Um, by God to be a casual thing. So when you have sex with your, with, with your wife or your husband, you all become, you all become one.

[00:28:35] And so when you have sex outside of marriage, you become, you don't have a soul. First of all, lemme say this, you don't have a soul tie with each and every person that you, that you have sex with. Let me say that first. Okay? But it's, it's just that one person. Maybe, maybe it could be more than one, but normally it's just that one person that gets into your soulish realm, like I was saying earlier, high.

[00:28:59] [00:29:00] It's just something, the residue, you can't shake 'em. And so it, it, it becomes, you're tied, you, you're tied, you, the souls are tied. You're tied to this person, even though you broke up. Some people have soul tied the person that can be done died. It, it's, it's real. It's it's real. It's real. It's that residue.

[00:29:20] It's, it's, they, they still in your, your soul area. They're in your, there's, it is like, thank you Holy Spirit. It's an imprint. It's a spiritual imprint of a person that's on you and it takes God. I had one, I had one, I had a soul tie. Well, my ex-fiance, I had a soul tie, and we had been broke up for oh nine, nine years and it was still, the residue was there.

[00:29:45] Mm-hmm. Still dream about the person he had moved on. Um, yeah. It, it's, it's real. And we don't talk about that. Um, you know, unless, unless you are, um, a, a believer in Christ, I [00:30:00] can't just say spiritual. 'cause spiritual doesn't mean the Lord. Um, unless you are a follower of Christ, you don't really think about it like that because the flesh won.

[00:30:10] We want what we want, we want it, we want it when we want it, how we want it, who we want it from. And so we can't, we can't live our lives totally governed by our flesh and our desires. You know, and so when we do it, it serves us consequences, you know? And a lot of those consequences are unfortunately soul ties, which to me and the soul tie unchecked, is equal to a STD one You can't get rid of if you think I'm comparing spiritual or national.

[00:30:41] Come on now. Bring it. Come on. This is why I wanted to, on the, the show. EI like, that's more like a t-shirt, a soul tie. Unchecked equals an S td. Wow. That wow. That's, that's, that's the lower, right. He just dropped that one. I gotta process that soul tie unchecked, [00:31:00] because the soul ties thing, when I heard about it, when I learned about it, it, it, it, it knocked me over my head.

[00:31:06] Right? Me too. It knocked me over my head. I was just like, wow. I never, I had never heard of that five years ago. It's real, a real thing. Well, into my forties, I had never heard of this thing before. But I understand it to be real. So can you, you say it is only God to break it. So what, how do you There was a period after my, initially, after my, um, I've been married, I'm divorced initially after my, um, separation.

[00:31:38] Um, I practiced abstinence. I went, I said I, I can't, I, 'cause I was, I was, I was driven by sex. I was, however I could get it in however I could get it in. So I had to take a break. Okay. Um, I had to take a break, but when you talk about breaking the soul ties, can you any [00:32:00] more specifics about that other than just, you said it's just God you got, so is it you pray?

[00:32:05] Is it, do you need to abstain? Do you. Is there some other process that you could do? You know, I mean, it's not a, I I can't really think of a 12 steps to the, to the, the deliverance of a soul tie. I mean, it would have to be, I mean, everyone's relationship with the Lord is different. So he may have you fast for three days.

[00:32:26] He may have somebody else fast for 21 days. He may, you, you know, he may, you may cry to the Lord and renounce and denounce and I, you know, and just say, I, I come out of, out of a agreement with, with this person. You may be, it may be as simple as repenting and not doing it. It mm-hmm. You know, it's, it's not a, uh, a, a list.

[00:32:49] Something I can check off to say, these are the 12 steps to being delivered from a soul tie. Mm-hmm. That would have to really be you and the Lord. Okay. But I know that it, I, I believe it will not be done [00:33:00] without you and the Lord, because you all are ti, you all are intertwined and that is something that only the Holy Spirit can break.

[00:33:08] Yeah, definitely. Uh, I wanna take a chance to check in here. So you are rocking with the Money Sex Gen X podcast. This is season number five. Episode number two. Should you be celibate? And I guess a subtitle could be should You Be Abstinent. We are here with the Beautiful Lady Hope, the Homie Big Stew. We are trying to get a little bit deeper into this conversation.

[00:33:32] So we talked about a few things. We've defined what we're talking about. Lady Hope has shared some of her experiences. She brought up something very, very important, which is Soul Ties. And it could explain for a lot of people, especially maybe younger people, why you're feeling a way about a person that you're not even with anymore.

[00:33:50] And I have gone through that, and I understand how heavy that is. It's like you're trying to work on with your life, but you just got this weight on your back and you just keep thinking about this [00:34:00] person over and over and over. So it's hard to move on. And so this ties into the larger conversation because if you can't get rid of this person in your mind, and then maybe they're still trying to actively have sex with you, but you're trying to not do anything, it makes it more difficult.

[00:34:17] It does more difficult. It does. Oh, it does. So let's get a little bit deeper into this. Okay. So we talked about, so Stu just shared that he had a, a period of abstinence, right? Yeah. So how did that go, brother? I, I mean, and the obvious, you don't have to get into, I know it was hard and all of that, but I mean, no, it wasn't, but it wasn't, it wasn't, it was a choice.

[00:34:39] My choice. I wanna get to your, like how did, how did things evolve in your mind? So you're saying it wasn't hard. What happened Mentally? I was having too much sex. And it wasn't, it wasn't fun. It wasn't, it wasn't cool anymore. I was, I was, it was, it's embarrassing, [00:35:00] right? It's almost embarrassing. And I didn't, I wasn't feeling it and I was like, I gotta do something different.

[00:35:06] I gotta take a break. Yes. I never imagined me being saying like, look, I need, no, it was like, I, no bad choices. It was for no reason. Uh, I felt like a piece of meat, you know what I mean? Like, I was feeling like a piece of meat, you know? Wow. No, no, no. Like, literally like, no. So I, and I have a relationship with God.

[00:35:32] I've always had a relationship with God, and I continue to work on strengthening my relationship with God. And it was at a point, and then God spoke to me. It was real easy. Um, it's like, man, I need to take a break. And I had a goal. You know, my goal was to like, you know, um, until my divorce was final was the, the first goal.

[00:35:53] Um, but I wound up being se uh, abstinent for, uh, it was like, [00:36:00] uh, seven months. Seven months of abstinence. That's a long time for a man, for a and, and then, you know, I, my, I, I, I, yeah, it, it was, but you know, I cleared my phone book, you know what I mean? Cleared out, you know, blocked people, you know, just ah, the steps.

[00:36:20] Yeah. Okay. Blocked. People stopped looking at certain photos, like people that are showing 'em. And this is five, you know, but even today, um, women that show too much cleavage in my pages, I block 'em, you know? Um, I had to just let certain things go and start just like I had to shift my focus. I have to shift my focus and my, I have to shift my focus to me and being a better man, making better decisions, being more responsible, and not just going with what the, you know, what, what everybody else is doing because, oh, you ain't married no more.

[00:36:56] You can do whatever you want. But I was still married, I was separated, but [00:37:00] I was, it was even worse. I was like, nah, I saw myself in the mirror and I didn't like what I saw, so I had to do something different. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that, man. Yeah, I actually had a, a period of abstinence. It was a little over a year.

[00:37:15] Um, I was, had just came out of a, a marriage and we were separated and I, you know what? My whole thing was, I'm tired, man. I'm tired. You know how you'd be like, I'm dating the same person over and over, getting in the same relationship. I was just like, I just can't do this anymore. Yeah. So I'm on the phone whining to my dad and he was like, Eric.

[00:37:36] You need to be by yourself. Yourself. Yeah. And Stu, I told you about this, he said, Eric, you need to be by yourself for a year. Wow. I was like, by myself. Whatcha talking about? He was like, don't he used a vulgar way of saying this? Me? He was like, don't have sex for a year. You know what I mean? I'm like, whoa.

[00:37:56] He was like, you hurt, aren't you? And I'm like, yeah. He is like, [00:38:00] Eric, just be by yourself for a year and you'll see why I said that. Mm-hmm. Alright. So I was like, okay, cool. I'm gonna try it. So first do, I'm on the, what's the, um, popular black dating sites like 10 years ago. I was like, black people meet.

[00:38:14] Mm-hmm. Plenty of fish. All this stuff. I'm still on there, I'm chatting, I'm doing this and I'm doing that. And I'm like, yo, this, you know good and well, that this woman that you're chatting with is the same as the person you just got out this relationship with. Why don't you just relax? I started thinking, okay, how am I gonna do this?

[00:38:34] So my strategy, and I wanna do this for the younger people 'cause we gotta tell him like a strategy. So Stu said he blocked people outta his phone. He stopped looking at certain pictures. What I did was I said, I'm gonna go to work, come straight home. I'm gonna go to the liquor store store. And I don't advise the liquor store part, but it's just how I had to do it.

[00:38:54] Okay, go to the liquor store, gimme a black and mild, go back in the house, drink my [00:39:00] drink, smoke the, and go to bed.

[00:39:07] Go, wait. I like this. Right? I get the, I get the nuance of the, of the, the, the black and mild and the liquor. But go to work straight home. Come home straight home. Come straight home. Do whatever you going to do. That's take your mind. So you occupy. Occupy yourself. Occupy and. Go to bed now, after about four or five months, I, I removed the liquor and the black and miles and I started doing community work in Inglewood.

[00:39:38] Mm. And I dove into that with all my whole being, I mean everything, you know what I'm saying? But I'm still thinking about the person. Every thought I had, this person is like right here. But I'm fighting through it. I'm fighting through it, you know? Then females are popping up trying to do this and that.

[00:39:56] I'm like, I can't do it and all. So I would still go straight home after the [00:40:00] community work. And then over time, lady hope about seven or months, seven or eight months in, I started to get this second win. I just started to feel strong, you know what I mean? Still it became easier for you. It, it, well, it wasn't necessarily easier, but I started feeling like my old self again.

[00:40:18] You know, like you have this self before you met this specific person that got lost. Yes. I started to feel that. I'm like, man, I'm starting to feel like Eric again. So I'm like, okay, since I'm feeling good like this, I gotta do the, the other four months. Mm. Gotta do the other four months. Uh, Mike Tyler says in that order, bro, no doubt, these are the steps that I took.

[00:40:39] So by the time it was over, lady Hope I was like back in King mode. Strong. My back was straight. I felt good. I no drinking. I'm working out. Yes, I'm walking down the street and I'm like, this is what's up. Now, the first person that, the first woman that I started dating after doing this absence was [00:41:00] just, she was what?

[00:41:02] She was just like the woman I had broken. I said, that's the laws of attraction. That's what you was attracted you. That's, you got a problem. So I had to go to therapy. I went to a little bit of therapy. So I would throw that in the mix, but I eventually, lady hope I got. Together. That's it. It worked out. So I thank my father, thank, thank you dad.

[00:41:24] For, for basically, he didn't even like suggest, he said, you need to do it. Wow. And he's cursing at me, er and this, that, and I'm like, okay. Alright. He was, he was, he was effective in getting a message across. He had to talk to me like that. He had to come strong. So I didn't, and it, and it changed my life. So abstinence, I will agree, is a very strong thing.

[00:41:47] You're no less masculine. Right. I have younger dudes that I talk to. They be trying to act like, you know, there's so many chicks coming at me. It's no way I like, dude, most men have women coming that don't try to use [00:42:00] that. Right. And, and that, and it's a level of self control. Yes. It's a level. Self control.

[00:42:09] Self-control. That, that was my takeaway. Yes. Self-control. Yes. Right. And men, we as men act like we have no self-control. Sometimes when it comes to women, literally our tongues hang out of our mouths. We break our necks. Looking down the street about to have a car, like lack of self-control, you need self-control.

[00:42:28] And it ties too into our masculinity. Like we're, we've been programmed, lady hope to feel like we're supposed to be out here. You know, having all these, knocking them down. That's right. So that gets programmed into our psyche. So I just wanted to share that. So you, the audience, you all got three different perspectives on our road.

[00:42:47] We're not trying to act like we're holy and pious, we strive, but it wasn't easy. Everybody had their process. So ask yourself out there, what's your process gonna be? Yes. What do, what do you think might work for [00:43:00] you? You definitely can do it, but how will you get it done? How will you get it done? And, and let me also add this real quick, ADA, the thing that I heard you say that I didn't talk about, and I'm, I'm imagining that Lady Hope Has, is experiencing, is that you started doing something that had some value.

[00:43:19] So you dug into community work, you started building organizations. Yeah, I started working on my business. Yeah. Lady Hope you started pouring into maybe your, yeah. So you found something and redirected kind of that energy. So you're not so much thinking about mm-hmm. Sex mm-hmm. Or lack of sex. Mm-hmm. Or not having sex, you know, what I'm Or that other person or that other person.

[00:43:41] You know what I was thinking about when he was talking, um, you know, how we, you know, when especially women are so big with, uh, the detox, I need to do a detox to lose da da da die to clean it. It's a soul detox. Mm-hmm. Okay. It's a soul detox. [00:44:00] And, and you said that you experienced. Um, it is like, I got my, my, my old self came back.

[00:44:07] You were walking in your power. No doubt you had your power back. No doubt. You know, and you were killing the flesh. And so your, your spirit man was rising more. It's a beautiful thing. Is it easy? No. Is it doable? Yes. Mm-hmm. Is it rewarding in the end? Yes. Mm-hmm. If you wait till marriage or you don't wait till marriage, you still got something out of it.

[00:44:29] Indeed, indeed. And it made me different because I, I felt like it was like working out. It was like, so I met the young lady after I was done. We were messing around. I realized she wasn't good either. I was quickly able to cut it. I just cut it like I had because I'm like, yo, he wasn't doing nothing for a year.

[00:44:47] You could just cut this off. And I cut it. We were cool, but I wouldn't touch now. Now maybe I'm hungry because I'm thinking about, you know, how people, when they, um, when they become vegan, when they first tried. Yeah. And then [00:45:00] they, they stop eating meat. Especially pork. I love pork. I'm sorry. And so, uh, and so when you go a long time, or not even a long time without eating pork, maybe, I don't know how, how long it is exactly.

[00:45:12] Um, but when you eat it, you get sick. I've heard stomach gets sick. Like I don't, I just can't, my, my stomach, my, I just kinda agree. It just doesn't agree with people that are lactose. You used to love milk, now you lactose and mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It's the same, your, your take, your spiritual appetite changes.

[00:45:31] Mm-hmm. Yes. No doubt. No doubt. I have. What else, what else I've noticed? I have another girlfriend that's practicing abstinence. You know, she said before she did it, she said that she would notice, like you said, that she would attract this, the same spirit in a man in different men. Yeah. But you don't recognize that until you, until you remove yourself.

[00:45:56] Mm. From a spec for a season, you know, or a [00:46:00] specific time and you are like, oh my God, everybody that I dated was okay. It's same spirit. Different men. Mm-hmm. Same as, same as, as, you know, women, you know, 'cause most people have a type, you know? Yeah. Mm-hmm. And so I, I have a client, he loves light-skinned long hair, you know, big booty, you know, big booty, Judy, he loved that type.

[00:46:23] But that type always seemed to carry a, a certain energy, a certain spirit, you know, for him. For him. That's just for him. Let me, lemme ask a question. E Imo, I know you got some, uh, some points to get to and we are, we are on a, we're coming towards the end, but, uh, quickly, lady hope, uh, can you talk to me about what was the trigger for you 13 years ago?

[00:46:50] Is it 13 or. 13, uh, 13 years ago. What was the trigger for you to say, make you say, you know what, I'm, I'm about to practice, I'm gonna be [00:47:00] absent. Great question. It was, I was still coming into, into knowing who I really was and doing that. I had to look at the choices that I had been making in my life at that point.

[00:47:18] And so I didn't think about it as a soul detox then. I, I didn't think it would be this long. Now, let me say that, um, truthfully, but you know, God, God has a funny way of getting your attention and I was one of those women that I kept attracting different men. Same spirit. So, you know, some people call it, what do you call it, the law of attraction or something.

[00:47:45] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You know, um, that's the, the really way of saying it, I guess It's the same, same spin. And so I said, you know what? I need to take a break. I need, I need to take a step back and revalue myself. And so I said, like [00:48:00] I said earlier, I've done it every, every other way. The world says it needs to be done.

[00:48:06] And I'm, I'm still not married. I'm, I still haven't found that. I haven't been found by the one that God has for me. And so you can't play the game, play a game and play and think you're gonna win it successfully when you're not playing it by the rules of the person that created the game. Wow. That's great.

[00:48:28] Good. Yep. Mm-hmm. So when I, I thought about that, I'm like, okay, well let me, let me try God's way. Has it been easy? No. When I first started this journey, when I had long, luxurious hair and I pulled it on our waiting on the Lord. I'm just waiting. I just waiting. But it's, it's, um, it's a self-awareness that I don't believe that you will have to this degree without [00:49:00] even attempting it.

[00:49:01] Because when you kill your flesh on that level, like you said, it is something that you would've never even realized that needed to been done had you not even attempted to try to do it. You know, like I said, if you don't do it even, even after a breakup, you need to, you need to just reframe from a time period.

[00:49:25] Mm-hmm. You know, most women do. Most men, like you said, you all replaced, you all get over that woman by getting under another one. That's the whole adage. Mm-hmm. But, um, we need to, we need to detox, we need to, we need to detox our soul soulless realm from, um, relationships that no longer serve our greater good.

[00:49:46] We need to, um, because those people carry, um, the people that we've had sex with, that we, uh, sexually entertained, come with their own set of baggage Well done emotionally. Right. [00:50:00] Mentally right. You, you know what I'm saying? And we need to, we need to declutter. We need to declutter. Um, yeah. And so that's what it was for me.

[00:50:10] It was, I was coming into more of an awareness of who I was and I wanted to please God and I had tried it my way and so I said, let me try God's way. Okay, lemme try God's way. Lady Hope. Do we, I hope we got you for 10 more minutes at least, because I got two things I really want to get into. Can we keep you for 10 more minutes?

[00:50:29] We good. I I, I think my hairstylist won't be mad if I'm, if I, if I'm running a little late. Okay. Alright. So I wanna get into devil's advocate mode for a few minutes. I wanna tap into that energy. The fellows were, were, uh, had last night, and I can't say I was that much different for them from their perspective in some ways, but there is a thing about this whole, you know, waiting for the right person and then there not being a sexual chemistry.

[00:50:58] I've actually seen documentaries [00:51:00] and specials on that where people waited and they got with the person and they were all good. Everything was good. But the one thing that they couldn't get right, that just wasn't a natural fit was the sexual chemistry. Now I know you said you, you definitely need to have faith.

[00:51:16] I believe that. But have you seen any instances where people waited and that sexual chemistry wasn't there and it was kind of like, ah, we maybe we should have tried this out before we went to this next step?

[00:51:34] If I could be honest before God, the few women that I have talked to over the years that have really, that were abstinent until they, uh, their honeymoon before God, not lying, all of them told me that it was more than worth the weight. Okay. Now, now it's not a lot of them. [00:52:00] Yeah. But the women that I have spoke to told me that it was more than worth the weight.

[00:52:08] And I, and I, and I have to believe that because you have to think about it like this. So I'm not gonna know you, you not gonna know me. We gonna have sex. On our honeymoon. So now you, uh, your stamina doesn't match mine. You, you not, you're not, um, okay, how can I say this To be politically correct? Um, not as endowed or you're not well endowed.

[00:52:32] Like I would prefer, maybe not need, but prefer, do you you test that ahead of time as a stretch? That's one thing I wanted to bring up. I mean, we're not trying to be vulgar audience, but we need to be real. So do you, do you suggest in that situation, should the woman kind of do some stuff to test out with the packages?

[00:52:54] Yeah, we gotta know. I mean, it's, it's, we're adults here. We have an intelligent [00:53:00] conversation. We gotta do it, we gotta do it. Adults have an intelligent conversation. I really don't. I really don't because God, God is real big. God is real big on covenant. And, and King and I was talking about that. Yeah. God is real big on covenant.

[00:53:15] And, and I, and I didn't understand covenant. I didn't understand it. I, I thought that covenant, the world's thing is commitment. Like I'm with you, you with me. We good, you know, we in a c committed relationship. Mm-hmm. But when you get married, you in a covenant relationship, that's something different. So you're supposed to be in a relationship with God is supposed to be the center of the marriage and then you two.

[00:53:41] So I'm not supposed to love you more than I love God. And you're not supposed to love me more than you. You understand what I'm saying? Supposed to be vice versa with God at the center. That's the covenant. Okay. So for me to not know my husband until I honeymoon and I find out he is [00:54:00] under end doubt, for example.

[00:54:04] Woo. Not compatible. You incompatible God. God doesn't, God doesn't. There you go. There he goes. Stu incompatible. Unaccept doesn't. God doesn't, uh, he doesn't, uh uh, God. Don't play like that. God don't play like that. Don't play like that. He don't play like that. He don't play like that. Um, I have a, I got a, I have a special, I'm sorry.

[00:54:28] Go ahead. You know, men are so quick to say that. Um, let me ask you this. I'm see, how can I pose the question? Um, think about, think about, think about you to respect, think about the, the best sex you've ever had. Get her name in your mind. Why would I want to do that? I don't know if I even want to do that.

[00:54:53] But What, but go ahead, but go ahead. Didn't marry her. I got it. I got it. Easy for me. I got it. Yep. It [00:55:00] better be better be easy for you. No doubt. Didn't real though. So, you know. Yeah, but you, but, but, but, but did you, you understand what I'm saying? You know, it, it might not have led to marriage, so that's my point.

[00:55:17] Sex can't. Sex can't it can't sex it, can't it, it can't just be the end all, be all of a relationship whether you are married or not. Married. Married, yes. I agree with that. See, this is what I was gonna say. This is gonna sound crazy. Me and Stu talked about this. I have a special gift lady. Hope I have the ability to deal with a woman and know if it's going to be good sexually before we even touch each other.

[00:55:49] I have that gift. And then there's other men out there that have that gift and there's women out there too. It's just like, they just know. They just have like you, like you in the truck, like you in the truck lady hope. Okay. Okay. [00:56:00] But you put it like that, okay. Yeah. So by the time it, it actually happens, I like, yeah, I already knew that.

[00:56:07] You know what I'm saying? So, but I'm different because Stu said he don't have that, for example, I don't have any of, yeah, he don't have that. So my thing has gotta be some kind of cheat code. I know we gotta trust in God, but then we got people watching that don't believe in God. You know what I mean? So like, what's the strategy for them?

[00:56:25] They don't believe in God in the way that, you know, we might believe it or whatever, but, and I, they don't have that. And I think it's also important, we're talking about two different things here, because one, we're talking about abstinence before marriage, when some people ain't considered, ain't thinking about marriage either.

[00:56:43] So that's another dynamic as well. That's another episode. That's another episode, right? Just true. True Being, you know, being abstinent, you know, being celibate and doing all of this prior to marriage, if marriage is your goal. And sometimes I've even [00:57:00] heard of people who are married or in committed relationships that need to practice abstinence in their relationship in order to kind of get, get things back on track, like you were saying earlier, Ani, you know, so I think that's another conversation maybe for another day as well.

[00:57:17] Mm-hmm. Yeah. I do wanna, we gotta, we gotta move on because I know we're limited on time, but it's just like, I wanted, I would've liked for us to come up with a way to have some kind of strategy to protect that risk, especially if you're not a God-fearing person. How do you check the package if you're a woman?

[00:57:33] If you're a guy, how do you know that there's the, the, the thing that you like when it's going down? Like how do you. Check that without being physical. Is there a way to do that? Do you meditate? Like what can you do if you don't have, I dunno. Because for a woman, if I was a woman that had that gift to know if a man was well endowed, uh, honey, go throw them great jogging pants.

[00:57:57] Take the garbage out. I mean, that's a strategy. That's a [00:58:00] strategy. But my thing is, so what if he's well in doubt and his stamina, he doesn't have a high sex drive. Yeah. Or he's well in doubt, has a great sex drive and doesn't know how to perform. That's a good point. That's a good point. Right. So, I mean, I, I hear the gift that you, you have, and women have, but if God is gonna hide you, you're not going, you're not going, you're not going to know.

[00:58:28] It's a surprise. It's a wonderful surprise. I believe when you, when you trying to do a God's way. Because he's our father. So if he's like my daughter or my son really, really trusted me all the way, I'm, I'm a surprise son. I'm a because God is love. God is love. And so it's a, it's a surprise. It's a surprise.

[00:58:52] It, it is the ultimate surprise, um, from God on your, on your honeymoon. Be it's a beautiful surprise. [00:59:00] Okay. Because God is not crazy. He knows how important sex is, uh, in a marriage. Um, but it's not enough to keep a marriage. Right. 'cause I have clients that have been, uh, that are divorced and the sex was amazing.

[00:59:13] Right. But like I said, what are we gonna do the other 23 hours out the day? Right? Yeah. Okay. Won't forget about the bedroom. Mm-hmm. You know, it's the same way when you, in a, a committed relationship mm-hmm. You know, you know, I have a lot of people say, sex is not our problem. Mm-hmm. You know, but we are, we're equally yoked in other areas.

[00:59:32] She parents, you know, her parenting is. I don't whoop my kids. Mm-hmm. And my mama beat us, you know? Uh, right. That's something too. You know, my mama did time out, my mama whooped me. You know? Or values. Values, yeah. You know, values. Yeah. So it's, it's, uh, it, it's bigger than, than just not being equally yolked sexually.

[00:59:51] It's equally yolked across the board. And, you know, if he's a believer, she is deeper than that, it's it's mindset also. Okay. [01:00:00] Drop them jewels lady hope. Drop them jewels. It's bigger than that. So That's a great point though. Like, Hey, it's actually could be bigger than that. Consider other factors. Now I gotta go, but we gotta get into one last thing and that is, are you all familiar with something called incel culture?

[01:00:18] Never heard of it. I-N-C-E-L culture. Never heard of it. And then there's a black incel culture, so I never heard of this. Our researchers found this. It says it's. Um, they have perceived obstacles and thus the inability to have sexual contact with women. So these are men, so they're like these, there was all these obstacles and they're not able to have sexual contact with women even though they have a deep want for it.

[01:00:47] And they said the origins of incel culture is heavily aligned with the subsection of the alternative, right? Or the white nationalist movement. And like the alternate right nationalist movement, the [01:01:00] incel community believes they are superior to others due to their white, heterosexual, cisgender male identity.

[01:01:10] So there's a lot here, but basically these people want to have sex with women, but they have, they feel like there's these obstacles where they can't do it. And it's a whole movement of incel people. And a lot of people feel like the incel people feel like they're better than women. So it's like saying they wanna be with a woman, but they also feel like they're better and so they're not having sex black culture.

[01:01:36] So I wanted to throw that out there. I never heard of it. Any thoughts on that? I know that's a lot to kind of process, but any thoughts on that?

[01:01:48] You wanna go first? King? I'm gonna let you go first. He's trying to, no, because I, I mean, my, my, my, my focus right now is putting God at the center of everything that I do. So if it's not, if it's [01:02:00] not that, then I'm, it's hard for me to receive. Okay. So I'm, that's like, I don't even, I can't even honor it, you know what I mean?

[01:02:07] It's like, I, I, first of, I don't know enough about it, but God ain't right. That's, I dunno. Yeah. Okay. Alright. That's, that's cool. But thank you for putting me on. I'm, I've been exposed. I've never heard of it either, and so never heard of it. I'll check it out. All right. Uh, when the episode, when, when this comes out, clap back in the comments or let us know if you've heard of this.

[01:02:26] And then the last, the very last point is there's a Facebook page or it used to be called black celibacy com. Okay. I thought that was cool. I hope it's still up, but it's just a whole community of people who are celibate or striving to be, uh, celibate. They got a network in conversations happening. So check that out if you're out there.

[01:02:45] Black celibacy.com Lady hope. I know. We know you gotta go. Are there any final thoughts that you wanna give us on this topic? Um, what would my final thoughts be? Um, God, [01:03:00] um, for those that are believers. Um, you know, you, we have to put him back in his rightful place. Mm. Which is the head of our life. Mm. And when we do that, everything will flow the way it's supposed to flow.

[01:03:14] Mm-hmm. Um, our relationships, men and women, um, mother, uh, mothers and daughters, I mean, everything will flow. Um, as far as the abstinence thing, it, is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes. Because we have to do, you get your oil changed in your car? You know what I'm saying? We have to make it make sense. We get our oil changed in our car.

[01:03:39] We declutter the house, you know, we do spring cleaning. You know, we, we do all of those things for every, every other part of our life except our body and our soul. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And we need to do that. If you keep attracting the same type of brother, you need to, you need to. Check you. Thank you, sir. Keep [01:04:00] attracting the same type of woman, different, different woman, same spirit, same energy.

[01:04:05] It's you. And you said it best when you did it. When you re um, uh, readjusted your thinking, your mindset, it, everything. The battlefield, Joyce, Maya said it first. The battlefield is in the mind. And when you change your mindset about, uh, sex being casual mm-hmm. Everything changes. 'cause it's not casual. It was never created to be casual.

[01:04:32] It is a very spiritual act, more than a natural act. Mm-hmm. And a lot of times the consequences, um, are more spiritual than they are, uh, natural. And I'm, the last thing I'm gonna say is what I, what God gave me earlier, which is, um, the, uh, what did I say? The STDA soul tie left unchecked is equal to A STD.

[01:04:55] It is permanent. It can be permanent. I love that. [01:05:00] Love it. I love it. Queen, thank you for coming on today. I really, Stu did a great job of connecting with you. I, I knew you were gonna be strong, but you are very beautiful woman, very elegant. You are an entrepreneur, which we love entrepreneurs, and you really gave, you know, people listen to this show all over the globe at this point.

[01:05:18] So I really feel like we gave people some solid things to think about, some strategies and some real experiences. We don't have an agenda. We just trying to have that conversation. And you did that perfectly today. Thank you. Oh, praise God. Thank you. This is, this is a, a great, great segment of life game.

[01:05:39] Life game, game to live your life. So lady hope we know you gotta go. We hope we can get you back for season six. We're gonna probably get into this in another segment or another lane. Okay? But we really gotta go. So thank you and we'll see you soon. Thank you so much. Alright, thank you. Talk to you soon.

[01:05:55] Peace queen. Okay. All right. Peace. [01:06:00] Wow. Great conversation. Great conversation. I learned a lot. I got a lot to think about Steve. Yeah, man. But let me just, um, before we dissect that, bro,

[01:06:14] come on man. Again. Again. All right. I like the, I like the, that's not a fedora. That, what is that called? What is that? It's not a, it's not a hat. You know what, man? I think they call these it's hat racing hats or something. A kango racing hats. I dunno what the classic, classic, you know what we used to call 'em?

[01:06:34] And this is funny, man. When we were younger, we used to rock these, we used to call 'em old man hats. Old man hats. Well, I'm old. I'm a old man, so it's fitting to now wear it. So yeah, I got my black old man hat on, you know? And you got the black t-shirt with the gray, with the black and white sports jacket.

[01:06:54] Always fresh to death. Always. Always. Emo's wardrobe spotlight. Thank you brother. Classic [01:07:00] with the drip man, as I said, my daughter told me, drip or drowned. Drip or drown. Drown, drip or drown. Wow. Now I always have to, uh, talk about what you got going on because you definitely, we try to match each other's swag.

[01:07:14] So you gotta joint to say, what does that say? Security insecurity. Oh wow. I love that man. I love that insecurity. That's crazy, man. That's crazy. Shout out to shout out to, uh, shout out to H2O. H2O. I love that h Shout out to H2O for the insecurity line. I would love that. H2O has, uh, he's a artist that's on pool.

[01:07:37] He's a, he's a artist. And, um, he has publicly dealt with his own insecure insecurities, his own insecurity issues, and he came up with a line to address it publicly. I am what insecurity looks like. We all deal with our own insecurities. All of us. Some man. Yes. That's, I'm rocking that today. [01:08:00] Rocking that, that today.

[01:08:00] What a state, what a statement. All right, so big stew coming through. So, big stew. I just wanna, before we go into our tales from the start, uh, I wanted to get your final thoughts on the celibacy abstinence conversation. Yeah, yeah. What do you thinking? My, my takeaway is, um. We gotta put more attention on that.

[01:08:19] I, you know, and I'm, as I'm raising my son, um, I don't want him to be out here. I don't wanna send him out here in the world just trying to, uh, measure his, uh, manhood by how many women he can have sex with. It is not something that you should be taking lightly, especially now that I'm more familiar with Soul Ties and the importance of, um, choosing Wisely.

[01:08:43] And you should, I think you should wait as long as you absolutely possibly can. And you should not have dozens of sexual partners. I don't, I don't, I just, I fell into that because that's what my environment said, but I wish that [01:09:00] I had some older guys giving me some life game about the importance of it and what it really is and the, and the implications behind it.

[01:09:09] So, uh, I'm enlightened and, um. It's taken me this long to get here, but I'm hoping that we can pass some of this life game on to some younger young men, specifically young men. Um, I think you should definitely continue to practice. If you've had sex and you're young and you're not married, I think you should consider abstinence for at least a season.

[01:09:38] I like that. Mm-hmm. Um, or whatever period of time. Um, I don't have an opinion about celibacy. Um, and if you're a virgin, um, there's, that's nothing to be ashamed about. I think there's some, some power and strength in that, but, um, I think sex is not, should not be [01:10:00] casual and it should not be, uh, a light conversation.

[01:10:04] What are your thoughts? E. Yeah, I, I, I like all of that, bro. I mean, um, yeah, I mean, my thoughts are, I guess what I keep thinking is, you know, I, when I was out there doing my thing, I wasn't doing it from a position of feeling like I had to prove myself. I just really love black women and you know, it's cool to say that now I love black women and all that, but I just had this natural urge that always drew me towards dealing with black women.

[01:10:32] You know, like the more I could deal with, the better I kind of felt at the time, not, you know, not from like, no being a pimp or anything, but like even in light conversation, I just liked being around black women and having conversations. I love all types of women, but there's just something special about black women.

[01:10:48] So when I had to abstain or I chose to abstain, you would think that it would have had an adverse effect. But I feel like my fondness for black women and women in [01:11:00] general grew stronger because I was able act actually able to observe them better. And observe myself and I, you can't observe yourself if you're constantly doing stuff, so, mm-hmm.

[01:11:09] Mm-hmm. That's kind of my, my takeaway from it. And I'm glad I did that. You know, to this day it was one of the pivotal moments in my life. So if you out there, brothers, there's nothing wrong with this. You, again, you're gonna become more of a man on the other side, believe it or not. Mm-hmm. And, uh, it could actually change your life.

[01:11:27] Could agree. Actually change your life. Alright, so we got a segment that we started doing recently. So you all know we would do the characters from corporate, but we we're really big into entrepreneurship, so we feel like we needed to do something also that had, with, that we came up with tales from the startup.

[01:11:45] Tales from the startup is just these real stories about things that happened when you started your company or you thinking about starting 'em. Same as we always say, please hit us up with your story. You don't need to give your name anything specific. Just tell us the gist of your story. [01:12:00] Me and Stu will talk about it on the air and give you, give up a little bit of life game.

[01:12:04] So, um, here's the one from this week, Stu. Okay. Says, um, Hey, I'm checking in from the west coast. I don't want say the city. Hmm. Ooh, like we said. That's fine. Thanks for doing this segment. I have some stuff to get off my chest. Hmm. I'm a black male, gen Xer, age 44. My girlfriend and I started a not-for-profit, um, two years ago.

[01:12:27] We started from scratch, built everything from the ground up. Our organization has to do with introducing yoga and other self-care practices to at risk youth. Now that's what's up. I love that. Love that. Um, so the organization, he says is doing really well now. We have funders, donors, and a lot of support, which is great.

[01:12:48] We put a lot of blood, sweat, and tears into this thing. So it's good to see it pan off in our mission being accomplished. But here's the thing, Stu Uhoh, he [01:13:00] says, my girlfriend and I are breaking up. And he says, we literally grew apart from building this organization one too many arguments. We both found some love in other places, et cetera, et cetera.

[01:13:14] Mm. So my question to you and Stu is now that we're going our separate ways, she's basically telling me that the organization is hers to control. And I can kick and I can kick rocks. Wow. She told you to kick rocks. All right. Should I fight for what I helped to start up and build or just keep it moving?

[01:13:34] Our board, our board of directors support would be about 50 50 split either way, if that helps. Wow. It's a lot. It's a lot. So they started not-for-profit. Couple, you know, they, they were doing their thing. The organization got really successful. Girlfriend, boyfriend, uh, yoga self-care practices for at-risk youth.

[01:13:56] Now, you know, one too many arguments. He said they're gonna go their [01:14:00] separate ways. He's basically saying, yo, should I just move, keep it moving, or should I fight for what I hope to build? Mm. Next through. What are your thoughts? Well, you know, fighting for it is gonna, it is gonna tear the board up. You know, if you're getting into this fight with your ex about the control of this nonprofit, it's gonna split the board.

[01:14:23] It's gonna split the integrity of the organization. You know, my, my mature self is like, bro, you know, take it on the chin, let it go, let it go. It's, to me, it's always easy to let it go. Just let it go, man. Let it go. But I understand you built something, it's your baby, you know? But I just think in this case, fighting for control is going to tear the organization up.

[01:14:50] And unless you're, if you're, if you, if you own that, you trying to tear it up, fight for it. But if you're trying to [01:15:00] really let it thrive, let it have control of it and support, um, when, when asked and where needed in the future. And that's a very, very mature statement. And I'm sure it was, it is probably easy for me to say it.

[01:15:18] Easier said than done. Okay. Have you ever been Let it go? Give it to her? Yeah. Have I? No. Thank God I have not. I have not. I have not. I have not. I have not. Um, so again, that's why I know it's easy for me to say that. Probably easier said than done. What about you, man? Because, you know, even right now, as he was reading, I was thinking about you and your wife, you know, you all have business together.

[01:15:47] So what does that look like? I mean, what do you think about this tale from the startup? Yeah. I think this is a real thing. I, I, I think it's something that we don't talk about in culture enough. We always talk about start your [01:16:00] business, do your own thing and all that. But some of these, these other things that come up, I think we need to have a little more guidance for people when they come up.

[01:16:08] So I have been in this situation in the past and I decided to do what Big Stu said, which was kind of just keep it moving. And just sort of be okay with the fact that I did have a hand in it, but I don't want to disrupt the organization. I'm not saying that that's what anybody should do. Mm-hmm. I'm just saying that that's what I did.

[01:16:28] And it's kind of like that reason what they call people are in your life for a reason. Seasons and reasons. Yeah. Yeah. So this organization could have been in your life for a reason and a season. And maybe because when I did that, when I walked away, it actually opened up at least 10 other doors. Mm-hmm.

[01:16:46] So just keep, look at it as like a resume builder, credibility, establisher. And my, my advice will be to think about keeping, keeping it moving. And I also also think, you know, it is, it's uh, if there's a [01:17:00] sense of confidence and, uh, there's a sense of swag in being like, letting it go. It's like, ah, they'll never be able to forget you, even if they try, you know, you're one of the founding members of this nonprofit, so rest on that.

[01:17:16] You good. You did that. Send your, like he said, send your resume. You good? Let it go. Yeah. And people will try to write you out of the script sometimes. I've been in that situation where you help found something and then your name is never mentioned. But the great thing about things these days is that you can put stuff on your social media.

[01:17:35] You could still let people know you had involvement without disrupting anything. Absolutely. So tell your, tell your story. Take the high road brother. Huh? Tell us from the startup. Tell brother to take the high road on this edition of Tales from the Startup. Yeah. Tell us from the startup. So, I like these man.

[01:17:53] We might do characters from corporate next time, but we gotta definitely mix in the entrepreneurship. Please send us your [01:18:00] stories. The crazier, the better. Uh, people need to hear these things. It's great to be an entrepreneur, but it's a lifestyle that has many, many challenges. As as who can tell you, as well as myself.

[01:18:12] Alright, so we got the pool artists of the week. Yeah, man. A new artist, a young cat. Uh, the name of the group or the artist is Zish. Zish. Zish. Let's just get into it, man. Um, I got it. I got it all teed up. All right. I think I do. I think I do. Yep. Here we go. Let's go. The name of this song is colorblind colorblind music spool.com.[01:19:00] 

[01:19:27] I'm constantly right, and when I'm walking, I'm typing. Bomb is a fucking bomb and I'm a flight risk and decisive. I'm, I'm Heath. I'm feeling arctics of.

[01:19:44] He living off the height, but I got that anxiety got me in baby. Nigga, nigga,[01:20:00] 

[01:20:03] nigga. All right. They have to catch the rest of that on. Uh, musics pool.com. Brother has an interesting flow for sure. Young cats, man. The young Cats. Yeah. Oh, oh, so it's born at one person? Well, I'm talking about these young artists. Young artists, yeah. But this person, yeah. Has a different flow and all the topics if uh, you get a chance to check it out.

[01:20:31] The song titles were very interesting to me and telling of today's time. It has a song on there called Drugs, has a song on there called Bored. It's a song on there called Colorblind, which is what we just heard. Um, and a couple other songs on there that kind of deal with social and emotional issues.

[01:20:51] Okay. So I thought it was very telling. Uh, I like this young artist. I've never met them. I don't know them. [01:21:00] They, I found them on musics pool.com and I like their music. Yeah, that was, that was different for sure. Musics pool.com is cool because it's about emerging artists and they definitely have a lot of artists on there.

[01:21:15] Am I possibly sitting with one of the founders of musics pool.com? Is the question at hand? I believe I am, but could you please clarify, sir? I'm one of the founders of musics pool.com. But Emani, let me also add you. Are coming on board. Wow. To help take music's pool to the next level. No, that's exciting.

[01:21:44] So we are here. This is a life process. This is here. Music's pool.com ain't going nowhere. It's not a fad. Not a fad. It's real. It's not a fad. It's real. It's here to stay and, uh, check it out. Yeah, join in, [01:22:00] dive in. As we say. Dive in. I can't wait to dive in a little bit further and assist. So yeah, man, I'm looking forward to that.

[01:22:07] This has been a beautiful episode. Uh, we are in season five. We're doing our thing. Not sure what the next join is gonna be, but it's gonna be something compelling. We got a whole season lined up. So, um, thank you all for tuning in. I think we got some new viewers. This, this on this episode, so thank you for that and keep rocking out with us Money, sex Gen x pod.

[01:22:28] Uh, podcast.com is the website. We're on Instagram, Facebook, we're building our YouTube channel, and we would love for you to listen to our audio if you don't have, or the ability to listen to the, to watch videos at work, whatever. You can listen to the audio on your headphones, like, comment, subscribe, and share, help get the show to the other people who might want to hear this conversation.

[01:22:48] Yeah, man, this was a good one today. Yeah, good one. I like it. It was worth it. And, uh, looking forward to the next one. No doubt, no doubt. So we out until next [01:23:00] time. Peace. Peace.