It's A Single Mom Thing

Looking Through Their Eyes (Part 2): Listening Beyond Words – What Your Child Isn’t Saying in This Season of Change

• Shepherd's Village • Season 5 • Episode 25

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Back-to-school isn’t just about supplies and schedules—it’s a season of emotional transition for both kids and single moms. In this powerful Part 2 of Looking Through Their Eyes, Sherry dives deep into how to recognize what your child may be feeling but not saying out loud—especially in the middle of big changes like a new grade, a new school, or senior year.

Through personal reflection, brain-based tools, and faith-filled encouragement, you’ll discover how to:

  • Understand your child’s nonverbal emotional cues
  • Use the “Spot it. Got it.” technique (with a snap!) to stay grounded and present
  • Reconnect with your own needs before responding to theirs
  • Enjoy simple, intentional ways to bond with your child or teen before school starts
  • Practice a powerful journaling and prayer exercise that creates space for healing

Whether you’re parenting a kindergartener or a high school senior, this episode will equip you to listen with your heart, connect with purpose, and parent with perspective.

💛 Bonus Moments Include:

  • A fun “One Last Summer Slurp” activity for reconnecting with teens
  • Proverbs 4:23 reflection: “Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
  • 24-hour prayer line invitation: 855-822-PRAY

👂 Ready to go deeper in your parenting and personal healing journey?
 Press play, take a breath, and let’s listen beyond the words—together.

📞 Need prayer or support?
Call our 24-hour prayer line: 855-822-7729

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It's a Single Mom Thing, Not the Single Thing That Stops You!

Speaker 1:

Welcome to it's a Single Mom Thing, the show for single moms by single moms. This is Sherri, your host, and I am happy you are here today. Remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you.

Speaker 2:

Hey, hey, girls, and welcome back to another episode of it's a Single Mom Thing, the podcast for women doing it all but learning they don't have to do it alone, okay, okay, so I owe you a little my bad here. I know this is supposed to be or last week was supposed to be part two of our Looking Through their Eyes Parenting with Perspective series, and you might have been sitting there like Sherry. What happened to part two? Well, I'm going to keep it real with you. Something was laid heavy on my heart, which you know, and I just had to follow it, and that's why last week I dropped the when in a pickle play, pickleball episode in between, it was a word in season that needed to be served hot, and now was. You know, girl, how God works sometimes. So my bad, but I am so glad that you are here back with me today, because this episode it's a timely one and it is part two.

Speaker 2:

We're closing out summer, flipping those calendars and your flip flops, and maybe, man, I don't know, maybe your house is starting to fill with target bags, new shoes, lunch boxes and those school supply lists that never end, am I right? But underneath all that hustle, there's a little tension in the air. Maybe you feel it, maybe your kids are showing it, even if they can't say it. Whether your little ones start in kindergarten, your middle schooler is wondering where they'll sit at lunch, or your high school senior is four semesters away from flying the nest, this time of year is full of transition New schools, new grades, new friends, new expectations. And for some of our kids, that change feels like chaos inside. That's why today's episode is called and this is our part two Listening Beyond Words, what your Child Isn't Saying. In this Season of Change, we are going to be listen up. We're going to be talking about how to tune in not just to what your kids say, but to what they don't, because sometimes I have found the silence, the tood or the sudden clinginess. That's not just back to school stress. That's your child saying I'm not sure I'm ready, but guess what? You are mama. So grab your journal, your coffee or whatever helps you stay present and let's dive into the deep end of the pool together, into this new episode Change.

Speaker 2:

Change is loud, even when it's quiet. We're going to start right there. So all right, ladies, let's set the scene. The backpacks are packed, the alarms are set and somewhere between the half-eaten waffles and the mismatched socks, there's this energy in the air. You know the one I'm talking about, that low hum of anxiety, excitement, maybe even dread. Your child might not be able to name it, but it's there. It's in the way they ask the same question like three times Uh, what time do I get picked up again. It's in the way they suddenly don't want to go to bed alone. Or the way your teen keeps saying I'm fine With that tone that makes you raise your eyebrow, like oh really, listen, change is loud even when it's quiet.

Speaker 2:

And this back to school season, it's one of those major emotional shifts, not just for them but for us too, whether it's their first day of kindergarten or their first year of high school, whether they're homeschooling for the first time or navigating a new co-parenting routine this time of year, oh girl, it stirs up a lot For them. It might be fear of being the new kid, anxiety about fitting in, or pressure to perform. For you ladies, you got it too. It might be guilt, overwhelm, or wondering if you've done enough to prepare them. And the thing is, girl, listen, your child might not come right out and say, mom, I'm scared, I won't make friends, or what if I fail? Oh, no girl. On the converse, they're going to do the opposite. It'll show up in their behavior. Their behavior is what we'll be talking and it's like acting out. This is what it looks like. It's acting out, shutting down, getting extra clingy or way too chill. That, my ladies, is their version of an SOS. So, before we brush it off, and brush off that silence or their snarkiness as just being a kid, what if we paused long enough to ask what's really going on underneath all that business? Because, ladies, sometimes the most important thing your child is trying to say hasn't been said yet. That's why being present right now, not just physically but emotionally, is so key. You don't have to have all the answers, okay, you don't have to have a fix-it, but you do need to listen. Listen to what? To the sighs, to the silence, to their signals in their eyes that say please notice me, even when I don't know how to ask.

Speaker 2:

This moment of transition, it's not just about sharpened pencils and new sneakers. It's about helping your child feel safe when everything around them feels brand new. And speaking of brand new, you ever break in a new pair of shoes. Ooh, they look so cute. They feel exciting until about 1 pm when you realize they're rubbing you the wrong way and leaving you with blisters you didn't ask for. I know you've been there. That's transition sisters. That's what I'm talking about. It can look good on the outside, but underneath it's uncomfortable. And your kids well, they're walking around in some brand new emotional shoes right now and they're not quite broken in yet. So listen, before we expect them to run full speed into the school year, maybe, just maybe, we just need to slow down and slow our roll and say, hey, how are those new shoes feeling? Because what they might really be trying to say, ladies, is these changes are hurting in places I don't even have words for yet. Listen without language. So now that we've laced up those emotional shoes, let's talk about what happens when your child doesn't, or maybe can't, put their feelings into words. Because here's the truth Not all communication comes with a closed caption Sometimes.

Speaker 2:

Sometimes the loudest messages your child sends don't come out of their mouth. They show up in their behavior. You know I'm right. A sudden meltdown over the wrong color folder. Seriously, that might not be all about the folder at all. Your teen, how about this? Your teen is isolating in their room with the door shut tight. Well, it might not be about just being tired, or the kid who's talking back, avoiding homework, or clinging to you like Velcro. That's not random, that's communication.

Speaker 2:

You see, especially in times of transitions, kids and teens may not have the vocabulary or even listen to me the self-awareness to say what's really going on. So what do they do? Instead, they act it out, just like a toddler who throws a temper tantrum when they're overtired, but they don't know how to say I'm exhausted, I want a nap, please. Or how about my ladies with the older children? You know what they do they roll their eyes, slam a door or shut you out, not because they're rebellious, but because they're overwhelmed. It's not defiance, ladies. Actually, it's distress.

Speaker 2:

So here's my first challenge. I want you to ask yourself what are they showing me that they're not saying out loud? Now, listen, trust me, listen. I know this is not easy and, let's be honest, this is probably not your first response. When it all hits the fan, am I right? When there's I don't know cereal on the floor, socks stuck to the dog and your child's melting down because their Chromebook won't connect, you're not exactly thinking. Hmm, what unspoken emotional need is my child expressing right now? Nope, you're probably thinking I'm about to lose my last nerve and my salvation. I'm just trying to let Jesus win here.

Speaker 2:

But, ladies, now is the time to take a breath. Adjust your invisible crown, yes, and show up as their shero, not because you have all the answers, but because you have sight, the kind of sight that sees beyond the sass, beyond the eye rolls, beyond the I don't care, and ask yourself again what are they showing me that they don't know how to say? Because sometimes, sometimes, the greatest superpower you have as a mama isn't fixing, it's noticing. When you start listening with your eyes, your instincts and your spirit, not just your ears, you begin to hear the things your child doesn't have the words for yet, and sometimes that's when they finally feel safe enough to find those words. You see, it starts with you, girl, and it starts with you simply being willing to listen. Even when nothing's being said out loud, the safe place shift, creating space for unspoken feelings. So, now that we've tuned into what our kids might not be saying, let's talk about what to do with that awareness.

Speaker 2:

Okay, so here's the deal. You don't have to have a full-on TED talk on emotional intelligence. Okay, you just have to create a space, a space of vibes, so to speak, where your child knows that they can be real, even if they don't have the words, because, listen, before they open their mouth, they're scanning the room with their heart, asking is this a safe place to feel what I'm feeling? And if you're like Sherry, how do I become a safe place when I'm feeling anything but safe inside? Listen, girl, I get it. You're tired, you're stretched, you're maybe two seconds from crying in your car. I know this. Okay, but here's the truth. You don't have to be emotionally perfect to create emotional safety. Oh no, you just have to be available, consistent and willing to press pause long enough to say I see you, boo. Now that might mean one, I don't know, sitting with them for five minutes before bed, not to lecture but to just be there. Two, taking maybe a long route home so they'll open up in the car. Or maybe even three, asking open-ended questions like I don't know what.

Speaker 2:

The hard today Instead of how was school? And sometimes it means letting the silence, letting it just sit, Because, believe it or not, silence can be sacred If your child listen. So if your child knows that they can sit beside you in silence and still feel loved. That's safety, that's healing, that's you being a shelter in the storm. And can I pause here and flip the mirror back to you for just a second? Listen?

Speaker 2:

Maybe because this all feels so familiar. Maybe it feels familiar not just because you see it in your kids, but because you feel it in yourself. For example, have you ever kept your mouth shut around married friends because you knew they wouldn't get it? Or how about avoiding sharing how overwhelmed you were because you didn't want pity or worse judgment? Maybe you've thought why bother saying anything when no one's going to understand? So you shrug it off, you smile and say I'm fine, and you get quiet, girl, that's your own version of slamming the bedroom door. That's your grown-up version of folding your arms and saying nothing's wrong. But underneath you're longing for the same thing your child is. And what is that? To be heard, to be understood, to be held without having to hold it all together. Oh, that one resonates with me. I know it's got to resonate with some of y'all.

Speaker 2:

So when you think about what your child needs from you in this season, flip it and ask well, what do I need right now? And if the answer is space to fall apart without falling behind. Then you know what your child is looking forward to. You know so. Often we think we need to fix the problem, give the pep talk or deliver the wisdom, but sometimes your child just needs to cry in your hoodie, slouch in your lap or be weird and awkward and still feel wanted. That's the shift right there. It's not about solving, it's about holding space.

Speaker 2:

So here's a little challenge this week Instead of jumping to correct, defend or explain how about you just listen, just nod, or even simply just breathe. Let your child feel seen, even in the middle of their mess. Because one of the greatest gifts ladies listen you can give them in this season of change is knowing that there's at least one place they don't have to perform, compete or even pretend, and that place mama, that is you, when mama needs to read between her own two lines. So before we move on, I want to drop this little truth in your spirit. Sometimes, mamas, well, you've got to identify your own need before you can help meet your child's.

Speaker 2:

Let that sink in for a minute. You know you can't pour into your child's heart if your own tank is bone dry. You can't respond with calm when your nerves are fried. Sometimes we're so caught up in what they need we don't stop to ask well, what do I need right now? Maybe, ladies, you need a moment of quiet, a good cry in the pantry, a reminder that you are not failing. You're just simply overwhelmed, and sometimes you need a little reset button, a way to snap back into the moment and refocus on what really matters. So here's a little share bear practice that has helped me and maybe it will help you too.

Speaker 2:

And what you need to do is pick a code word, something short, something easy to remember, something that brings you back to presence and perspective. For me, it's this, and you probably heard it before spot it got it. Now, did you hear that finger snap? You see, when I feel myself drifting, reacting or zoning out, I say it to myself spot it, got it. And then I snap. I spotted the overwhelm, I spotted the trigger, and then I spotted my kid's need, and now that I got it, I can breathe, reset and respond with the intention instead of emotion. So now here's the cool part, and this is the science. Back, sis.

Speaker 2:

Okay, listen, when you say a phrase and pair it with a physical action, like snapping your fingers. You probably wondered why I mentioned that earlier. Well, here's why Because it creates a neural anchor in your brain. That snap becomes a sensory cue that interrupts your stress Ooh, I love that, right. It interrupts your stress response and activates the part of your brain responsible for focus and regulation. And this is straight up facts. Listen, according to neuroscience research pattern, interrupts like a sound, like a snap, a touch or movement help reroute the brain from the reactive behavior. And that's the fight or flight kind of stuff back into the present thinking brain, aka the prefrontal cortex Translation. We'll put it in plain English air bear language.

Speaker 2:

That little snap helps you get your mind, your mouth and your mood back on track. It literally tells your brain hey, we're not spiraling today, we're showing up on purpose. Girl, that's how it sounds in my brain. That simple phrase plus action becomes your anchor when life's chaos tries to pull you away. It reminds you that your presence is more powerful than your perfection. And if you're wondering if this is even biblical, oh girl, yes it is. Because you know I'm going to do a little scripture drop here.

Speaker 2:

Psalm 46, 10 says be still and know that I am God. That verse isn't just about stillness in your surroundings, ladies. It's stillness in your spirit. It's a holy pause, a moment to stop reacting, stop rushing and just be. Be still enough to hear your own heart, be still enough to notice your child's cues, be still enough to let God refill what's running on empty. So what if, this week, you gave yourself permission to breathe before you broke down, to be still, before you snapped to ask yourself what do I need right now to show up? Well, for my children or child? You're not weak for needing something, ladies. You're wise for being willing to name it.

Speaker 2:

And before you go trying to read between the lines with your kid, maybe it's time to read between your own two lines. So you know that journal. You barely had time to write in or even reflect on that prayer that's been sitting on your heart, that sigh you let out when you thought no one noticed. That's your soul asking for something, sis. So before we get into how to hear what your child isn't saying, let's pause to hear what you aren't saying either. Journal and reflect. Prompt. This is a moment between the lines, okay. So before we close, we're going to do a little journaling, all right, ladies. So get that journal out in your pen and paper, all right. So let's take a moment. You've been listening, you've been present. Now I want you to give yourself permission to go inward, inward, to pause between the lines of your own story and hear what God might be whispering underneath the noise. So, in your journal, or if it's a napkin, or even a grocery seat, I don't know, whatever's close. You don't need a perfect setting, okay, you just need a willing heart.

Speaker 2:

So, on this exercise, we're going to call it the mirror and the map. On one side of the page, I want you to draw a small mirror and label it. What am I noticing in me Now? On the other side, draw a little map just a winding path or a road and label it where I want to lead my child, okay. Then under the mirror, write one emotion or behavior that's been surfacing in you lately, especially one that's shaping how you're showing up as a parent. Now, listen, I know I'm throwing a lot at you, so if you need to pause and come back, keep doing that, because here's one more thing I want you to do to our little picture that we're doing here. Under the map, write one place you want to help your child get to emotionally, and then draw a simple arrow connecting the two. So that arrow, well, that's presence, that's intention, and that's healing and motion. Now, you're not just managing your child's emotions here, girls, you are modeling the road forward. That's what this little exercise is about, and so I want to add a little scripture to meditate on so we can focus on that as we're moving forward, and it comes from Proverbs 4, 23 in the NIV.

Speaker 2:

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. You've heard me say that before. So what's flowing out of your heart right now, ladies? That's the place to begin, not with blame, but with some grace. So here's something that I'm going to challenge you to do, and if you have littles, this is for the little ittles, okay, and it's a simple connection activity called snack and story time. I want you to, sometime this week, week, carve out a quick snack and story time. Okay, it doesn't need to be fancy. So grab your kiddo's favorite snack and sit down in a no pressure spot, okay, and then ask things like what's one thing you're excited about this school year, and then, or something else like what's one thing you're nervous about, and then, girl, maybe even share your own answers, but keep it light, okay, keep it honest and keep it real, whether it's five minutes or 20, that connection, ladies, is a seed, and you know seeds they grow when they feel safe.

Speaker 2:

So for my mamas of the middles and the older ones, okay, this is a bonus teen moment that I'm going to call one last summer slurp. So now, if your teen is more eye rolls and heart to heart I'm guessing that's the way it is these days, especially if you've got a high school senior with one foot out the door, I want you to try this. Invite them on a one last summer slurp. No big emotional talk here. Okay, god promised me you're not going to do that. Just say something like hey, let's go grab a slurpee and act like it's five years ago On the way. Turn on a song they used to love to, even if, listen to me, even if it was that one YouTube dance remix that you still can't get out of your head. Let the moment lead the way. Okay, just go with it. Sit in the 7-Eleven parking lot, drive past the park they used to play at and reminisce, laugh, or just be still in the space between childhood and adulthood. Even if they don't say much, this is the kind of moment they'll carry with them when they leave. Not just a memory, though, but it's a reminder for them. It's even a reminder of even when life gets loud. Yeah, mom, she still sees me.

Speaker 2:

So here's a final thought before we close. Listen, you don't have to unpack every emotion today, okay, you don't even have to have every answer for your child. You just have to show up with your whole heart. So, this week, ladies, read between your own two lines, and then I want you to reach for theirs, gently and with grace. Okay, god's already in that space. You just have to step into it with him. So let's wrap up with a prayer and a pep talk. Okay, because I listen, I know we have covered a lot and give yourself a little hand clap because you made it. So you looked inward, you listened and you reflected and, most importantly, ladies, what you did today is you showed up for your child, for yourself and for this moment.

Speaker 2:

So, before we close out, I want to speak this prayer over you right now we close out. I want to speak this prayer over you right now, where you are Father, thank you for the gift of motherhood and the grace to grow through it. Thank you for the quiet nudges, the mirror moments and the sacred space to reflect. Help this mama slow down long enough to see what her child isn't saying and to hear what she's been pushing down in herself. Fill her with patience when the noise gets loud, wisdom when the answers feel unclear and strength when her tank is running low. Let her presence be the soft place her child lands in the season of change. And most of all, father, dear God, remind her that she's never parenting alone. You're walking with her, parenting through her and speaking to her, even in the silence. Be her peace, be her pause, be her power In Jesus' name, amen.

Speaker 2:

Ladies, I hope today reminded you of this simple truth. Your child may not always say it, but they're always showing it. Looking through their eyes means slowing down long enough to really see them, even when they don't have the words, and listening beyond the words. That starts with listening to your own heart first. So the next time you feel yourself drifting, you feel yourself overwhelmed or unsure, snap your fingers and say, spotted, got it. And come back to that moment, because that moment that's where healing starts.

Speaker 2:

And if you're sitting with something heavy right now, something you can't even put into words, I want you to know that you don't have to carry it alone, sister. We have a team of moms and mentors ready to pray with you, encourage you and stand in the gap. Just call our 24-hour prayer line at 855-822-PRAY. That's 855-822-7729. Whether you're holding back tears or you just need someone to agree with you in faith, we're here. You got a village behind you. Until next time, ladies, remember to listen closely not just what your child says, but to what they can't say yet. Be the safe place, be the still place and always remember it's a single mom thing and not the single thing that stops you.

Speaker 1:

Thanks for listening to. It's a Single Mom Thing. I hope you enjoyed our time together. If you have more questions on how to have a relationship with Jesus or need prayer, visit us at wwwshepherdsvillagecom. Backslash prayer. For more information and resources, check out our show notes.

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Sherry Chandler

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