#Clockedin with Jordan Edwards

#238 - Finding Strength in Chaos: From Refugee to Renaissance Man

• Jordan Edwards • Season 5 • Episode 238

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What happens when uncertainty becomes your superpower? In this riveting conversation with Christian Ray Flores—entrepreneur, high-performance coach, and philanthropist—we explore how extreme adversity can transform into extraordinary strength.

Christian's story reads like a gripping novel: witnessing military coups, living as a refugee while his father was imprisoned in a concentration camp, observing civil wars unfold, and seeing the Soviet empire collapse firsthand. Rather than being crushed under these experiences, Christian developed what he calls "anti-fragility"—the ability to not merely survive uncertainty but to thrive because of it. 

"The biggest risk you can take is not taking any risks," he shares, revealing how this mindset propelled him from trauma to becoming a top pop artist across Eastern Europe in his twenties, and later, a successful entrepreneur and coach. His formula is surprisingly simple: push 20% beyond your comfort zone while maintaining 80% within it—consistently, daily.

The conversation takes a fascinating turn as Christian evaluates his life across five dimensions: mental health, physical health, community service, spirituality, and relationships. His perfect score in community service stems from 25 years of philanthropic work across four continents, including founding the Ascend Academy for children in Africa. His spiritual practice includes the transformative power of Sabbath—a weekly ritual of divorcing identity from productivity and experiencing pure joy.

Perhaps most striking is Christian's approach to relationships, particularly his 25-year marriage where "the spark" remains vibrantly alive. His secret? "Your job is to make your wife radiant with joy." This isn't just a poetic sentiment but backed by systems: weekly dates, daily breakfasts prepared, annual marriage retreats (never missed in 25 years), and regular vacations together.

Ready to redefine what success means in your life? Christian's insights reveal that fulfillment isn't one-dimensional but requires balanced growth across all domains of life. Take his free assessment at exponentiallife.co to discover where you stand and what might need your attention next.

To Learn more about Christian: 

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/christianrayflores

To Reach Jordan:

Email: Jordan@Edwards.Consulting

Youtube:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9ejFXH1_BjdnxG4J8u93Zw

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/jordan.edwards.7503

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jordanfedwards/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jordanedwards5/



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Complimentary Edwards Consulting Session: https://calendly.com/jordan-555/intro-call

Speaker 1:

Hey, what's going on, guys? We've got a special guest here today. We have Christian Ray Flores. He's an entrepreneur, high-performance coach and philanthropist. Christian, we're so excited to have you on the Hashtag Locked In today. How did your childhood give you strength?

Speaker 2:

Oh well, you asked me that question because you know that I had a complicated childhood, but I had a very strange childhood, right. So I moved four countries by age seven and then to a fifth country by age 14. And then this is actually in America, living in America. This is my sixth country in my fourth continent and sort of the strength piece basically, as you can imagine, is rooted in a lot of challenges, right. So I was in a position where I observed a military coup in Chile. We were refugees.

Speaker 2:

Right after that, my dad was in a concentration camp. We moved around a bit. We saw a civil war sort of unfold in Southeast Africa, in Mozambique, where I grew up. Then, by the time I went back, we went back to Russia, which is my mom's homeland I was born there but she's from there and I also saw literally the collapse of the Soviet empire and again attempted coup. Military is like tanks in the streets, things like that.

Speaker 2:

So that, plus divorce of the parents, plus a lot of change, shifting cultures, multiple languages, uh, it really did create a bit of an eclectic mix in me and just with some choices on how to, how to not be a victim and how to channel that actually for the good. That helped me um. My very first career sort of effort in my early 20s paid off. I was um. I became one of the top art, top artists and pop artists in Eastern Europe, 15 different countries, so all the whole post-Soviet space, including Ukraine, all those places Right. So, and I do attribute that first success and then consecutive successes in OK, how do you interpret trauma? How do you interpret change and difficulty, uncertainty, that kind of thing?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so how did that affect you in regard to viewing change, because I know most people are terrified of change?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you get more, you'll get more acquainted with change. You're not afraid of change. That's sort of a big deal, right, and I think it's not even. I mean change in general. What we're really terrified of is uncertainty, and I had so much uncertainty like complete, 100% uncertainty, right, when you're like your dad is a concentration camp. Is he going to live? We're in a refugee facility, we're kicked out of the country, like where are we going to go? What's going to happen? Zero certainty, and that happened over and over and over again. So eventually it almost like cures you from the illusion that certainty is a very important thing, yes, and that opens up sort of your capability that is creative, entrepreneurial, et cetera, et cetera. Become much more collective, much more flexible and able to sort of pivot, quickly, start things that are perhaps a little bit risky for other people?

Speaker 1:

Yeah, because a lot of people struggle with risk. Yeah, and a lot of people don't understand that being in the same place can be a risk as well.

Speaker 2:

Yeah. Oh, totally I mean, yeah, the biggest risk you can take is not take any risks, actually, you know. So that's sort of the mind-bending reality and so that now that I so one of the things that I do is coaching, one of the things that I teach them is this concept of anti-fragility and how to install that into your life as a, as a system, as a actual approach, as a actual approach as a discipline and you can totally learn it.

Speaker 2:

So you don't have, to like, go through a traumatic childhood to do that, so you can totally incorporate that into your life, into your rhythm of life, and reap the benefits, which is awesome, I think.

Speaker 1:

How could someone implement that? How would that work? Like maybe a little tactical tip for the audience.

Speaker 2:

I'll give you like an example. We already do this in the physical world all the time, right, like maybe a little tactical tip for the audience. I'll give you like an example of we already do this in the physical world all the time, right. So we all know that if you sit around, you know, on Netflix and chill and do nothing else, you'll probably deteriorate physically and, you know, get real big and not very flexible, not very fast and et cetera. And you all know, we all know that if you go to the gym every single day for five, six hours a day, you're probably not going to be able to restore. You know, rest and restore and then build muscle. But if you go to the gym three, four times a week and you push yourself just a little bit, you'll actually grow, you'll get faster, more flexible and more muscle. It's exactly it, that's exactly the formula. That's an anti-fragile formula, right? So not too much, so it doesn't kill you, doesn't crush you, but consistent and always pushing daily, pushing a little bit beyond your comfort zone.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

And it applies everywhere. It applies in the physical world, it applies in the relational world, in the sort of if you're a startup, founder world. There's all kinds of things that you have no idea, no clue about, even if you're a great, you know, a bright guy trying to build a company or a service. So it applies everywhere, basically. So anti-fragility is a normal state of being. We just don't use it. But it's basically 80% keep doing what you're doing, that it's within your comfort zone, 20% do something that is outside of it. But you have to do it every day, every single day, and you develop that lifestyle and you're pretty much unstoppable.

Speaker 1:

Yes, yes, and it keeps pushing you forward. And here's an anti-fragility moment that we might do. Real time is that with Edwards Consulting, we have five pillars. So there's mental health, physical health, community service, philanthropy, spirituality and relationships. And I kind of want to see where you're at, because this is what I do with clients. We start off with a five-year vision and one-year vision and then we see where people are at and then what a 10 looks like. And the reason for this is because, with Carlos's work, it's really how to optimize your life, how to step out of where you're at and where you want to be. So let's try this out. So, for mental health, on a one to 10 today, what do you think you're at?

Speaker 2:

I'm probably at a seven, because my score went at least two points down when I was talking to a government official at the Secretary of State trying to figure out some tax thing that they had wrong in the record and it was just mind-numbing okay, it was just mind-numbing. So, yes, it went down. Mind numbing Okay, it was just mind numbing. So, yes, it went down a little bit.

Speaker 1:

It went down a little bit. I completely understand that Because I mean we challenges every day. So now for you, what do you think is your optimal 10 for mental health? Like what would have to happen for it to be a 10?.

Speaker 2:

I would say if I double my creative work that I do in the contemplative and physical work that I do, like the workout, that usually gets me very close to a 10 pretty regularly.

Speaker 1:

Yes, and the reason we want to set up what a 10 could look like is so that when we're actually experiencing the 10, we're not like, oh, I had such a hard day today, it's not a 10, but you did what requires a 10. Yeah, you know what I mean, because we always set these hard barriers for ourselves where it's like get a new client, you get a new client, but then you lost the client. But you said a 10 was getting a new client. So it's like whatever these things we set for ourselves, we want to keep those. Yeah. So now, physical health. Where do you think you're out of? One to ten? Probably, yes, probably an eight.

Speaker 2:

okay, and why do you say that pretty high. Um, I you know I work out three times uh a week I I walk maybe one or two miles, one to three miles every single day. I eat pretty clean, I feel good, nothing hurts. I'm 55 years old and nothing hurts.

Speaker 1:

That's incredible.

Speaker 2:

I don't have any fog, any sort of fatigue, mental fatigue, you know so. I'm generally speaking pretty well toned happy, you know so yeah, that's all.

Speaker 1:

And what would a 10 look like for you? What do you think would take you to that?

Speaker 2:

I think a 10 if I, if I can uh add a couple of maybe one week keto weeks a month. Um, like one week of keto every single month, maybe one 24, 48 hour fast a month, if I can do some, if I can maybe work with a trainer to do some exercise upgrades, that's probably going to take me to a 10, I can imagine.

Speaker 1:

So it's that integration of how do you think of your body over a month period and what are these things that you can add in. And then, what is the knowledge gap that you're missing?

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So including new systems in a disciplined, consistent way and learning new things right. So that would take me to a 10, I think.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, absolutely. And then community service philanthropy. I know you have a non-profit. Where do you think you're at today?

Speaker 2:

Probably at a 10. Well, I do ministry work. I'm part of a church, I speak there. We take care of a bunch of kids in Africa. It's an effort that I started a few years ago called the Ascend Academy. You can look it up at ascendacademy. I've been doing philanthropy literally in Europe, south America, africa, united States for about 25 years, so it's definitely a central part of my life. I dedicate a lot of time and money and energy into helping others.

Speaker 1:

So Christian, you're a very unique individual. Most people do not give it a 10. So what do you think allowed you to have the forethought to have this be a 10? Not that it's a 10 because I'm a 10, but it's because over the past 25 years, you've been building non-profits involved in religion, like how do you think about your life and set up your life in that way? And the reason I want to talk about this is because there's a lot of the audience who's like I want to do community service, but I don't have a million dollars to go donate, because that's what a lot of people assume it is. So how did you get involved in that?

Speaker 2:

well, I I was. It's sort of layered. Just look with everybody else, right, I grew up. I had the benefit of growing up in some of the poorest countries on earth. I had the benefit of growing up poor and experiencing poverty firsthand Not extreme poverty, thankfully, but definitely poverty by American standards poverty by American standards.

Speaker 2:

The other element was I was really inspired when I first started doing music. That was sort of my first professional career. I was inspired by this. There's two big musical events happened that were philanthropic. One was called Band-Aid and it was out of UK. They play Wembley Stadium to benefit the hungry and Ethiopia at the time, and it was massive. And then, right after that, inspired by the first one, a guy called Quincy Jones and Michael Jackson, lionel Richie, created this thing called we Are the World, which is a recording, also raised tens of millions of dollars for the poor in Africa as well. So and I, because I was sort of this rising star at the time I was, I connected the dots and I remember going, oh, so I've lived in those places, I know those places from the inside and now that I have a little bit of a platform and I want to be like them because they are people who have everything, who have a platform and now they can give to somebody who has nothing, and that really stuck with me.

Speaker 2:

The other dimension was I got involved in religion and faith. I was completely an atheist growing up Okay, most of my parents were communists, right so I didn't know anybody who believed in God literally until like my early 20s. And then I was at the peak of my career and I was sort of clinically depressed because it wrecked me on an internal level, on a spiritual level, and I met somebody who helped me understand, okay, this is what's going to help me, and I was sort of dabbling in different spiritual dimensions before I was into New Age a bit. But Christianity is the thing that really landed with me and I just had a great coach, a great mentor and it just changed my life. So, and that's essential to the Christian faith, right, serving the poor, it's essential, it's central. So it became like that really reinforced it. And then I had another friend who run a nonprofit and he was working with orphans and he was like, hey, let's go check out. You know, hang out with the orphans, you're a celebrity, they're going to be happy to see you get to know them and I started going to these orphanages and talking to the kids and it just melted my heart and I basically never looked back. I just when I saw that I could do something for people. It was just so fulfilling. There was so much joy, so much purpose. You know, and I just never stopped I did it professionally for a few years, exclusively, that when I moved to the States we did projects in nine different countries in Latin America, a national project for the US, and then when I sort of moved on to other things, I still kept it almost like this.

Speaker 2:

This is a non-negotiable right. So I started Ascend Academy a few years ago as sort of my passion project and I tapped some shoulders with some friends. And you know, you don't have to have money. I didn't have the money to do it at all. Actually, it was probably, on the surface, a unwise thing to do because I already had too much on my plate. I just thought to myself you know, there's never a good time. There's never a good time, there's never enough money, there's never enough time. You have some skills and you have a vision that is unique. Why don't you go do it? You know, see if you can put something together and it just came together and I've been sort of on this with East Hand Academy for a while and we have, you know, very faithful donors and maybe, if you're listening, you want to join. That'd be great and we have a unique sort of signature approach to taking kids out of poverty and it's super enjoyable.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I love. The thing I really caught from that whole story is that you left yourself space and what? I mean by that is like when you were an artist. You're like I would talk to a mentor in different religious sectors. I had a friend of mine who's like come see the orphans. Most people are like I'm too busy, I'm not listening, to realize that you might have even had people call upon you, but you weren't open to that opportunity.

Speaker 2:

Exactly.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, you can really see what's out there and experience these other Maybe yeah, and maybe this I'm saying this to you and you're listening to this Maybe this is your opportunity. So check out the website, but actually I'm joking, but only half joking the website, but actually I'm joking, but only half joking. The other thing that happened, which I omitted because I forgot it, was a friend of mine who was he was a doctor in Africa for decades and decades and saved thousands of lives with HIV, aids epidemic and stuff like that. He was literally a personal friend of Nelson Mandela, right? This guy, his buddy, this buddy of mine, his name is Mark Ottenweller, and Mark Ottenweller knew that I had the heart for it, right, and he would email me, like once or twice a year, going Christian. You know there's some needs in Maputo and Mozambique. I know you have a heart for it. What can you do? And I would go, yeah, man, I do have a heart, but I don't have the money, I don't have the connections, I don't know what to do, but thank you, and he would just guilt me into it. Basically, right, so at some level, if it comes from somebody who loves you and you respect, guilt and shame actually might work eventually.

Speaker 2:

So eventually, you know, he did this long enough. It's got to be three, four years in a row that he did this right. And eventually I was like you know what, let me just see if I can poke around and see if we can go take a trip there. I had some ideas, had some connections there, and it sort of evolved. And it was not easy. It took maybe two years to get off the ground but eventually it sort of became a thing right. Yeah, and I think that's, you know, it is true. I think leave yourself open for opportunity, maybe even. It is true, I think leave yourself open for opportunity.

Speaker 1:

Maybe even this is a sign for you to check out the ascent academy and you know it's, maybe it's not, maybe you'll go find something else and that's totally fine as well. Yeah, and I think the biggest difference is going from that version of I like the idea I think there might be something here to now it's a thing and that's a that we do. So how do people do that? Because I feel like that's the biggest challenge in life. I mean, like we have these pains, we have these struggles, but how do we go from idea to thing?

Speaker 2:

Only action, and that's sort of courageous action. That's probably a good word combination, because you just don't know what you don't know. You just have a general, maybe vector of movement that you want to go to and there's so many missing pieces, uh all with anything new, that you want to start. Um, that you, you need to just move. You need to take one step, then another, then another and then another. What also helps a a lot is coaching. So sorry for the plug, but coaching accelerates growth. You know. It really does Like you can get there, but you know you can get. I'm in Austin, texas. If you want to go on vacation to Miami, florida, I can take a car there or I can take a plane there, and there's a big difference between the two, you know.

Speaker 1:

So it's or you take a couple of grand. It's probably even slower than a car.

Speaker 2:

Exactly, take a bike right. That would be depressing, but it's true, and I think time is the most scarce resource we have. So that's why some of the top performers on Earth they spend like 10% of literally their fortunes and their time and their energy on self-improvement. Because it collapses timeframes right, you get there faster. So I would say that's a huge deal as well. Is that you? You know, my friend taught me, you know, opened the Bible with me and tried to. You know, he, you know I could read the Bible on my own. Okay, that's walking to a place, but you have this wise older man who has incredible family, great expertise. He has all these insights into areas in life that I had no idea about. So I'm like, please tell me more. And what I would do and I think that's probably a good answer to your question is what I do is I find myself a teacher, a, an expert, and I become their apprentice. That's what I do. That's the method.

Speaker 1:

Yes, I actually did a very similar thing for uh. So I'm Jewish and I have a rabbi, and the rabbi is like, hey, I want you to come to the synagogue and I want you to do it, and I'm like this is a lot Like let's slow it down a little bit. How can we do this? So we started reading the Torah and we would read one chapter and he explained it to me. And you see, living in the faith, and he's got all these children and he's got all this stuff. So it's not that one's different or one's, it's all the same thing and one's different, or one's it's all the same thing and it's all this picture of how you learn is getting under the right people.

Speaker 2:

that's exactly it. So so you and your rabbi, for example, right, uh, the hebrew, the, the jewish tradition has a saying may you be covered by the dust of your rabbi, right, and what does that mean? It means that the rabbi would walk, the disciples would walk behind them and, of course, the dusty road and the one who's closest to the rabbi, trying to cling to every word, every action, every reaction, will be covered by the dust that is coming from the feet of the rabbi and that basically indicates okay, you are an eager apprentice, right? And in the West, we have no idea how apprenticeship works, because it's been dead for it's dying yeah.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, it's been dead, for, I mean, we know the mechanics of it still work. For example, if you're close to your grandpa, you probably apprenticed something when you were young, right, but it doesn't really translate into grown-up adult learning. It's really more post-industrial. You know, you're in Convera Belt, you go to high school, you go to college. They pass you from one professor to the other. Maybe you're lucky to connect with one of them and he's an inspiration. That's apprenticeship, right.

Speaker 2:

But really most people don't know how to do that and that is, ironically, the best way to learn Like that. There's data around it, there's studies around it that 10% is formal education, 20% is relational learning, 70% is action, doing, doing, doing, doing. So, if you want to accelerate, get a coach, get a mentor, apprentice under somebody, and that's just really hard to do. So it requires a lot of investment and intentionality on your part. But that I do that over and over and over again, starting with my basically mid twenties, when I got that big breakthrough. I'm like, okay, I know how things work now and I now have multiple people that I apprentice under. Basically, you know, and I just love it, I think it, it's, it's like the best kept secret a hundred percent, a hundred percent.

Speaker 1:

And as you bring that up, I have a funny enough. I just want to share the story so everyone can get a little understanding of how I did it. I went to a networking event back in 2020 and this was like the week before covid and I didn't know covid was happening. But I went there to the event and it was like $40. And I'm like, oh man, like I better get a great meal and I have to meet somebody because otherwise this isn't going to be worth anything.

Speaker 1:

And I ended up meeting three different people and I got their cards and I followed up and there was one guy where we actually set a meeting and we met for three hours. This guy's 50 years older than me, he's out of Davis in Tampa, his name's Howard Gordon and I'm like what are we going to do? And I just kept reaching out to him and he's like he's like well, what do you want to do? And I'm like, oh, I just want to learn. Like, what do you mean? And when COVID started, we started doing these things. Every Sunday, we would meet for like two hours and he would just do a brain dump and I would just write down everything he was saying, and now we're working on a book together.

Speaker 1:

But the whole point is to get a mentor, you have to be very eager and you have to be very forward, and it's not weird to follow up with someone eight times and be like, hey, and you also. The biggest thing that I realized is getting them in their stage of life. That's right for you, yeah, meaning that if someone's a high powered CEO, they're going to mentor you from afar, because they have many different, like they might respond to emails every couple of months, but they just have so much going on. So you have to choose the right people to be the mentor that will give you the time that you're looking for to make that leap and make that jump and to learn from.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that's exactly true and, honestly, that scenario of finding someone, being lucky enough to find someone who can really really change your life and then being eager enough to actually do what you did, which is the right way to do it, it's just actually highly unlikely that the average person will do it for all kinds of reasons right.

Speaker 1:

I have literally all of my very few of my friends have mentors yeah, exactly so.

Speaker 2:

that's why coaching is probably the next best thing, because at least you guarantee the attention and the time of this person who has been around, you know, who can see around corners, you know, and and there's a system to it, because if you have a mentor, if you're lucky enough to have a mentor, you need to earn his respect, her respect, her time, his time. You need to make yourself available. You don't have to miss things. You need consistency. Even if you have one, that consistency is probably not going to be there, with very few exceptions.

Speaker 1:

Very very few exceptions, very, very few exceptions, right? No it, I completely agree, because I have uh like 10, 10, 12 clients in my coaching groups and those people that I mean somewhat mentor, but sometimes, like we do coaching together, we all learn from each other, but they know it. It's a group where everybody learn from each other.

Speaker 1:

And it's like, hey, I'm here every week and I'm going to be there on time and it's going to be a set time because I'm incentivized to do said activity. You know what I mean. How do you put all these together? So for you, back to the topic Christian, for you, spirituality on a one to 10, I think I know where you're at, but how are you feeling at that today?

Speaker 2:

Today, I think probably a nine. I mean I've had higher levels every once in a while, but yeah, but pretty high consistently. I mean I've been a speaker, a pastor, a Christian missionary for 27 years and that doesn't necessarily mean you're high in spirituality, actually, you know, because you can just sort of coast, and many people do. But I do have an amazing wife, so we share our faith together, right, so we incentivize each other, we call each other higher. We Sabbath, by the way, talking about the jewish faith, so I started sabbathing maybe 15, 16 years ago and explain what that is for people listening so it's a day of rest.

Speaker 2:

It's a day of rest that comes from the old testament and it was practiced also by christians, actually, and then it sort of faded away. In christianity, became first from saturday to sunday, and then it sort of faded away. In Christianity it became first from Saturday to Sunday and then it sort of faded away, which is just a big loss, I think, and a tragedy for the Christian faith, because it was never. It was really. It was practiced by Jesus, it was practiced by the apostles. It is the most delightful practice I have in my life. It really is like changed my life forever.

Speaker 1:

And when you say rest, what do you mean by that? Are we talking no phones, no electronics, Like how do you think about it?

Speaker 2:

Oh, yeah, that's a good point. So obviously there's all kinds of versions of that right, and even in the Jewish faith there's some pretty intense versions of that. You know, I've seen that versions of that, you know. Uh, I I sort of what I try to do is I I try to sort of focus on the essence of it, not on the rules right um.

Speaker 2:

I like that and the essence of it is that it's um, now we're going to geek out on bible a little bit, right, so it was given to to the, to the to to israel, to the israelites in the desert after they got, uh, released or, you know, exited the slavery. Yeah, and I think my theory is that part, a big part of it was that the worth of a slave was measured in how many bricks they made. Basically, they were enslaved by the Egyptians. The Egyptians made them make bricks for the pyramids and buildings and things like that, and that was their basically job. So the worth of a slave was in production, right, the worth of a spiritual person, a son and daughter of God, is that they're son and daughter of God. It's not in the production.

Speaker 2:

Interesting, and I think the essence of the Sabbath is that you stop producing. And for somebody like myself, or maybe some of the people that listen to this podcast, I'm a very, very driven guy. Okay, yeah, like I love working I really do and I like achieving and I like building. I just love all of it. I'm entrepreneurial, I'm creative, like building, I just love all of it. I'm entrepreneurial, I'm creative. So taking a Sabbath means you stop producing and what you're doing is you're divorcing your identity from your work, and I think it's one of the healthiest things you can possibly do especially if you're a driven, high-performance kind of person is that if your identity is too tied to your work, you're going to not do well long-term. So the Sabbath is a weekly practice of not going down that rabbit hole. You know Like you're training yourself to go. I am not my work.

Speaker 1:

Yes.

Speaker 2:

You know I have divine origin and the rest part is that you know it's God rested on the seventh day. That's sort of the theological framework. And then you rest on the seventh day, right. So there's a symbolic, there's deeply spiritualist, really, there's all kinds of depth to it. But what we do is we, and the idea is that this is a day where you don't produce anything that you trust that God produces. He is the author of life, he gives you breath, he gives you life, he produces. At the end of the day, everything you have is from him anyway. So you just trust him, you just release that, and then you rest, you sleep in, you don't diet, you make love to your spouse, you delight in your friends and you just completely and utterly experience joy all day long.

Speaker 2:

And it's the hardest practice to incorporate because, especially here in America, we're the workaholics, the highest workaholic nation on earth, maybe only rivaled by Japan and we have the hardest time delighting. It's really fascinating how hard it is to give yourself a full day of joy. We feel so guilty. It's ridiculous, it's, it's an actual addiction, right. So you feel so guilty you can't enjoy, just enjoy a full day and trust that. There's way many layers of mechanisms and stuff like that that give you the outcomes that you think you only produce yourself, which you don't objectively right. So that's basically the essence of it. I can talk about this for a long time.

Speaker 1:

No, I know, I know, I think, the reason that most people struggle with it and it's a challenge you're, we're so programmed to be. How productive are you? How much are you moving the needle? How yeah, to go to the complete opposite side to say, hey, I'm just chilling today, I'm gonna vibe out, I'm gonna enjoy myself, I'm gonna take a minute and take I don't mean a minute, I mean an day and just really enjoy and relish in the presence of who we're with and what you're doing and whatever that activity is. I think that's an incredible practice to instill and I really appreciate you sharing that. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, let's get to the final one. So relationships is the final pillar. Where do you think you're at on a one to 10? And you could take this business personal, wherever you want.

Speaker 2:

I think I'm at a 10. My nuclear family is pretty close. I'm very close to my mom, my dad, although they live in different countries. We call every week. My wife and I have been married for 25 years. We are so so in love with each other. We were watching this show yesterday and somebody said how do you keep the spark? Somebody said I've been married for 21 years, or something like that, and I was White Lotus the first. We were rewatching the first season and the guy goes oh no, the spark doesn't remain, it goes away. We love each other, but the spark goes away. And then we turn to each other, deb and I. I'm like, oh no, that's not true. The spark goes away. And then we turn to each other, devin and I, and I'm like, oh no, that's not true. The spark is still there and so I enjoy a great marriage. I work really, really hard on it.

Speaker 1:

What are some tips you have for that? Just for anyone listening who's like oh my gosh, I can go for hours. No, just do like three top three tips, three tips.

Speaker 2:

Okay, top three tips, three tips, okay. Your job is to make your wife radiant and radiant with joy. That's your job as a husband. Take that as a standard, as an aspiration, right? So you? She's not an afterthought, she's the most important person in your life. Yeah, yeah, that's one. I take her out, I take her on dates every week, every single week. I make her breakfast every day I go. I take her on walks every night with the dog. She is literally my best friend. But the thing is it takes so much intentionality. That's sort of I can tell you what I do, but people are gonna go on whatever you know. No, no it takes.

Speaker 2:

It takes decades of effort okay, it's the sit.

Speaker 1:

Well, what I think it is is like everything to be a high performing machine. Yeah, yeah, it's high performing, it's all systems so like yeah, it's all systems.

Speaker 2:

So we have couples who mentor us. We go on vacations two, three times a year. We have an international trip every single year. We're about to go to Chile. We go to a marriage retreat every year. For 25 years Never missed a marriage retreat. So it's just on and on and on. There's just so many layers to it.

Speaker 2:

It's just, you know, a church can sponsor a marriage retreat, bring a speaker, an expert, and then all these married couple sort of hang out at a hotel and they listen to something, and then it's sort of a retreat also, because you have a lot of free time and you almost like you go there regardless of who the speaker is. You go there to just remind yourself that you love being married. That alone is you know. So we never miss one, ever. That's a principle, right? We Sabbath together, like the list goes on and on. Same thing with our kids. We planned our business, our lifestyle around the fact that we only have them for 18 years and what we build on the industry, the trust we build, the closeness we build, will have a compound interest for the rest of their lives and our lives. So we left tons. I left tons of money and opportunities on the table because I never wanted to miss anything with them and I never did actually never missed anything with them and I never did actually never missed anything with them.

Speaker 1:

Oh, that's amazing.

Speaker 2:

We homeschooled two out of three, which is a massive sacrifice and investment. They're crushing it. All three of them are awesome. We love them, they love us, they respect us. So we're like a 10 there when it comes to friendships. I had a season my previous season before we came to Austin man. I had a season my previous season before we came to Austin man.

Speaker 2:

I was in the desert relationally. I had like one friend and I just didn't have people that I respected that I submitted myself to like apprenticed under. I didn't have enough of that and my wife challenged me on that, I remember, and I started working on that. So when we moved here, I basically said this is it. This is going to be a top priority. So I have five guys who I'm in their lives. They're in my life, we see each other all the time. They know everything about me, even the embarrassing stuff. I know everything about them. And I have this amazing, amazing group of very, very impressive, accomplished people who love me and you know we spend a lot of time together. So I'm a 10 for sure.

Speaker 1:

I love that. I love that. And how? How'd you go about making the friends? Cause I know some people. There's like a loneliness pandemic going on, oh it's yeah Huge.

Speaker 2:

I mean church is a big deal because you sort of enter into a faith, yeah, into a faith.

Speaker 2:

You have a rhythm where it's all systems, right, as you said. So if you go to church, you have a system. The system is like okay, you're going to see this face and this face. Now, what are you going to do with that? Okay, you go out for coffee, get to know people. Who do you resonate with? Who resonates with you? You have your mess-up sort of parts where you're a little broken and you irritate people. How do you irritate people? How do they irritate you? So you have to work through all these layers and layers to develop intimacy and depth of connection, and that takes years, right. So I've been at this with the guys just with the guys for 12 years now and, yeah, I mean, it's just, it's unbelievable, and I help them, I invest in them, I pray for them. They will text me when there's trouble. I will text them when there's trouble, that sort of thing. So, but I would say you make yourself indispensable to someone who you want to be close to you invest in them.

Speaker 2:

You're selfless, you invest money, time, energy, time, energy, effort. You reach out. You say hey, I just want to say I love you man, and you know, just checking in that kind of thing, men are terrible at all of these things, you know they really are bad yeah, so that's why.

Speaker 2:

That's why, just like you have a group in the coaching, I have a cohort in my coaching as well, and the part of the magic is that is that these guys show up every week and they're like being raw and vulnerable and, you know, challenging and encouraging each other, all of those things and it has a massive, has a massive boost, boosting effect on on their performance, right a hundred percent if you can be vulnerable, and because half these people have wins and they don't feel comfortable sharing because they're like someone might feel bad if I tell them how much I made.

Speaker 1:

Or someone might feel bad if I tell them I'm getting married. Or someone might feel bad Like and in society we've become so like, oh no, we can't share the good, we can't share the bad. How are you doing? Fine, Everything's fine. But it's really to get those authentic relationships, you have to be very vulnerable.

Speaker 1:

You have to share what you want, and you have to be open to that, and one of the systems I implemented with my wife is, at breakfast, we have three things. So the first part is we start off with one thing we're grateful for. Then what are we looking forward to that day? Just because it's breakfast and like there's stuff, it basically means, like, what's on your itinerary today? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then the third part is what are three things we love about the other person? And it's just to have a reminder each day that, like, we share that affection and that appreciation for each other. Because, like you said, like I, I don't need to hear the three things. It's okay to me either way, but I know she really likes the three things. So it's, how do we work together as a unit so that everyone can feel appreciated and listen to you and feel that comfort? You know what I mean, cause it's yeah, I do. There's so many things we do just for ourselves, but, like, what do we do for the other people, which I think is super important.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's, it's that's. It takes a tremendous amount of energy and work, but it's transformative, it really is.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, absolutely. So one last thing that we'll, and then we'll close this out. So, for you, if someone has pain points in their life and they want to make a change to start crushing it, what do you think they can do, like what would be a couple steps they can start doing, taking from this podcast that they're listening to right now, what are some of these actions they can do?

Speaker 2:

Well, I mean organically from even what we discussed. I feel like this is the fourth thing I focus on, but I'll make it the first, because it works really well is that you are. Your success is, by definition, multidimensional. It can't be about money and status and respect, for example, or accomplishment, even right it is. It's the relationship, it's the finances, the fitness, it's the joy that you have the physical ability, that you have all of those things together, the friendships, the family. They're as important as the professional development right 100%.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think and that's what I like to talk to people about a lot is redefining success. Society is told that success is get a house, have a family, have kids.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and then 80% of those people are miserable.

Speaker 1:

basically, we are at a new age where we can do anything we want.

Speaker 1:

We don't have to work on the farm. The food's there. Things have changed and now there are other pillars that allow us to feel success and we need to excel in those. Otherwise, it's like Christian said. He's like there was a time and a place where I didn't focus on friendship, and now I have completely changed his life and you start to realize a lot of these things that what you focus on grows, what you put energy into grows, and it's okay. To put it into friendship, it's okay. It doesn't mean that you're a loser because your version of success is completely different than the other person's.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and I would even argue that that version of success that you and I are talking about and I measure that, by the way seven dimensions. We have a great assessment tool on my website that's free. We use it with our clients, but we basically make it available for everyone. That will give you an assessment of the seven main most important dimensions, and the idea is that those dimensions are objectively the most important dimensions. It's not even subjective to you, it's just universal. If you're a human being, these are the things that are going to matter. You can ignore them, right, you can ignore them, or you can just sort of rationalize it away and go no, that's just not me, I don't need this, I need more of that, but the truth is you do need all those things to be high scoring, basically, matthew.

Speaker 1:

McConaughey video on YouTube and he's explaining what success was to him and that was the first time I ever heard it and I'm like what I thought just being in movies, was it? And he's like no man. It's going to the football game, it's doing this, it's having my family, it's raising money, it's doing all of this stuff and having all of these and then you start realizing that to have it a full life is to experience all aspects of it. It's not to sit in this one hey man.

Speaker 1:

I made this much money this year, I have a super successful business, but I don't have any friends and my wife left me and all these sad things and you're like no, that's not it, the game's completely flipped over. But the first step to do that is redefine what success is to you.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, and that's why the assessment is a great starting point, because you can go oh, I'm high on in these dimensions, but I'm pretty low on this. I need to make a move, and I think for people who really want to know the answer to what to do next, that's a great way to start.

Speaker 1:

Absolutely, absolutely so. Christian, where can people learn more about you, learn more about what you're doing? What's the best place?

Speaker 2:

The, I would say two. I would say I'll give you three places. One is Ascend Academy. Is Ascendacademy? Is the philanthropics thing? Would love to see people take a look, see if it's a fit. If it's a fit, just ping me see if you want to contribute. You know, get involved If you feel like some of the stuff that we discussed today was helpful and you just want more of that. You're not really looking for massive investment. Just subscribe to my newsletter, christianreyflorescom. It's my sub stack and I basically drop two emails a week. One is free, the other one's a deeper dive for people who want to subscribe and help us with our work, and then we have all kinds of goodies and additional things for that webinars, et cetera for those who subscribe. And if you go oh man, this guy has the answers that I was seeking go to my exponential website. It's exponentialeexponentiallife and the assessment is there too, by the way, and it's free. It takes like five minutes and it's awesome. Absolutely, thank you, thank you.

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