Danyell Adamski: [00:00:00] [00:00:00] I had this epiphany that it, at the, this point it must be me. I really did it. It came down to this and I think we all are like this. I see this in all my clients. We wait to something tragic happens and then we're like, maybe I should do something, about this. And that's exactly what I ended up doing is I went inward.

Okay. And it's not that I hadn't gone inward before. I just want to back up a little bit before in, when I was married before I did go to the therapist, I did. read a bunch of self-help. And I thought that I had figured out a lot of stuff, which is why I made the decision in the first place to get a divorce.

[00:01:00] I thought that I had learned everything that I could have possibly learned about therapy. It wasn't working, it didn't fix me. I thought I was really intelligent, and I got a lot of people. Asking me questions because I did have a lot of knowledge, but it didn't change how I viewed the relationship. And then I started thinking, is there any truth to what he's saying?

And so, I really started the introspection of what truth is there to this. Is it possible? That maybe I am wrong.

Lora Miller:
 Welcome to Titans of transition, featuring real life stories, anecdotes and inspiration about pivotal career moments from leaders who have been there. Join host Joe Miller, former scientist and senior technology leader turned executive coach. [00:02:00] As he unpacks transitional moments to help inspire change.

Joe Miller: [00:02:08] Welcome Danyell Adamski. I'm glad to have you on, Titans of transition, today. thank you so much for agreeing to come on my podcast. It was great how we, connected online and saw some similarities to what we are doing and, after we talked before, I really was, excited to bring you on.

I think you have some great transition stories because it's similar to me in one way, because you've, transitioned, you've done a career transition and a life transition and, one led to the other. And so, without any, further ado, I thought I'd just go ahead and hand the baton over to you.

So, you can tell us a little bit about, Real briefly about what you're doing today and then, wind the clock back and take us through some of your [00:03:00] significant transitions, your moments and your lessons. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:03:03] Sure. Thank you, Joe, for having me on the show today, I really appreciate it. Really appreciate the time and it's so nice to be able to connect with like-minded people.

let me share with you where I'm at today. So today I am a relationship master coach. I'm also, an author of The Power of a Growth Mindset, the Journey to Emotional Freedom. And I'm also a self-awareness expert. So, my transitions and I think most people, when they do transition, the thing that they're.

Really doing is they're looking inward; they're looking at their self and they're making some assessments based on what they're learning about themselves. So, my personal transformation happened when I got a divorce years ago. I. Thought it was my partner's fault. [00:04:00] And I blamed my partner and I blamed having a young child.

I blamed being overworked. I blamed my brother's death. I blamed my boss. I was, in the victim loop, excuse me, like you wouldn't believe. And I thought that I was pretty smart, educated. Woman, I have an MBA, an AA degree, so it's not like I, I wasn't intelligent. I just thought it was everybody, but me, 

Joe Miller: [00:04:33] But that's pretty typical. Is it not? 

Danyell Adamski: [00:04:36] I think it is very typical of a lot of people because, we're, we want people to do it our way, or we want. People to feel sorry for us, or I don't know. I don't know the exact reason why we decide this, but I made this big decision to get a divorce. And [00:05:00] I thought that I would be transitioning from being unhappy, resentful, angry, bitter to being instantly happy.

And I don't know if anybody's ever gone through a divorce on your show, but I'm pretty sure that there's quite a view. And because of that, they know what I'm talking about, but people in unhappy marriages, aren't necessarily looking inward. Okay. And that was the lesson that I had to learn.

And sadly, I didn't learn it immediately. Okay. I was very unhappy even after I just exchanged one sadness for another, because I had to share custody of my daughter. And so, I had this big hole in my heart as a mother, trying to live without her daughter all the time. And that was [00:06:00] challenging. So, I went into a deep, I want to say depression, sadness, and, over time.

I started to feel a little bit better with time. I came to terms with it. I accepted it and then I started dating again. And of course, everything was wonderful and rosy in the few years that we were dating. And then my old patterns started to show up in my old pattern. 

Joe Miller: [00:06:34] Did you know that those patterns were showing up, this is like a retrospective assessment?

Danyell Adamski: [00:06:41] I didn't know that they were, again, my, the pattern isn't me. The pattern is them. I'm just, I'm choosing poorly. But with that said, so we started dating, we were close to getting [00:07:00] engaged and I just couldn't. Live in the present. That was a part of me that was struggling as I couldn't live in the present moment.

I was always looking at the past, thinking that this is better than now. This is better than now. So that's what a lot of people struggle with is that if I have. This now it's not, and I'm not happy. Someplace else will make me happier. Something else will make me happier. Or I used to be happy and now I'm not right.

So thankfully, he's now my husband, but at the time he left me, and he left me because I lived in the past. I couldn't get over a lot of things. And I was sad, and I was sad because I didn't have my daughter and all the other things. And he said, I'm just going to, I'm going to let you go because you clearly want to stay there.

[00:08:00] So long story short, he left me. I had this epiphany that it, at the, this point it must be me. I really did it. It came down to this. And I think we all are like this. I see this in all my clients. We wait to something tragic happens and then we're like, maybe I should do something, about this.

And that's exactly what I ended up doing is I went inward. Okay. And it's not that I hadn't gone inward before. I just want to back up a little bit before. When I was married before I did go to the therapist, I did, read a bunch of self-help and I thought that I had figured out a lot of stuff, which is why I made the decision in the first place to get a divorce.

I thought that I had [00:09:00] learned everything that I could have possibly learn about therapy. It wasn't working, it didn't fix me. I thought I was really intelligent. And I got a lot of people asking me questions because I did have a lot of knowledge, but it didn't change how I viewed the relationship. 

Joe Miller: [00:09:23] That's something I’m going to jump in and, I don't know if this completely applies, but I, really, I resonate a lot with this, principle of paradigms and how they can act subconsciously on you.

So, you can have a view of how the world works. You have a deep subconscious assessment, and it's almost like data that you take in, even, if you think you're going to be straight up and, objective about it is so colored by that, that you don't even see [00:10:00] any data that doesn't support your position.

It's very low level. In fact, it goes back to, as a scientific researcher, Thomas Kuhn, who came up with this principle, basically he was observing, the scientists were falling for this. They would have a hypothesis and any data that came in that didn't support their hypothesis tended to get discarded or discounted.

Since you have an advanced degree and you have an EE a, you come from a technical background. It seems to me; you went down the path of I'm going to learn. I'm going to dig in, but still even with all of that grounding in that kind of field for objectivity, I think these subconscious patterns that are back there can influence us.

Danyell Adamski: [00:10:48] Yeah, Joe, you are so right. A hundred percent because you logically make decisions, but you don't realize that the subconscious mind [00:11:00] is actually finding evidence to support that decision. So, what I do with my clients is I help them to reprogram their subconscious programming so that it supports their wishes and desires, whatever that may be.

So, I had no idea about the subconscious mind. I learned about relationships. I read the Five Love Languages. I read all the Gottman books, I did a ton of stuff and I still had come up with that it wasn't me. So as my husband today will tell you, it is that he, thankfully, he stuck in there with me.

He did come back and because of that, I made this huge transition, but it was transformation in one, [00:12:00] understanding men two understanding myself and relationships. And because of that, I decided to become a relationship coach because if I am being smart, educated, worldly, could fall into this trap of not seeing things differently, so could other people.

And so, I started to slowly work with friends, family. coworkers; I then became the therapist at work. 

Joe Miller: [00:12:36] Yeah. Just, to be clear, you're saying that this stuff organically happened without you saying I'm now going to go into a different occupation or career people started coming to you. What's stopping by your office or whatever.

Danyell Adamski: [00:12:54] Yeah, people started to notice that I. So, I think we all have, I'm going to back up. I think [00:13:00] we all have personalities and I think we all have like underlying emotions and people can pick up on that energetically, whether you're a nice person and not so nice person, an angry person, a frustrated person, impatient person.

If you spend enough time with someone, you will pick up on the subtleties of their personality. And at work, I was the high achiever go getter, get things done, no nonsense kind of person. And then I became a very peaceful, calm, relaxed, just chill, and people gravitate to happy people. They gravitate to you because you're happy and you make them feel good.

And so, they want to be around you. So, people wanted to be around me. 

Joe Miller: [00:13:50] Yeah. So that, I don't use this term that often, but it's the law of attraction is in play here. So, you are attracted those people, plus they [00:14:00] knew you and they said what happened, right? 

Danyell Adamski: [00:14:02] Yes. they also, obviously females talk.  And so, my girlfriends and I would talk and, they saw that I attracted Larry back to me. And they also knew of all the problems that we had. And so, they had problems in their relationship, and they were wondering, how did you get him to change? Which I think is hilarious. How did you get him to change?

And I said, I changed. And that then changed his behavior towards me. And so that's really, the transformation is the inner transformation for the outer reward of having a good relationship. 

Joe Miller: [00:14:45] So the epiphany moment was going back again, going back, the epiphany moment was what was when nothing was working and you said, okay, I've got to do something completely different here. Is that right? Is that what spawned [00:15:00] that realization? 

Danyell Adamski: [00:15:02] I believe in the law of attraction and I also believe that the universe is giving you signs, and I was getting signs by other people. And obviously Larry, when he left me, that was like a very clear sign. You, and this is a good man, a good person.

And I, was the one dumped this case and this case I got dumped. And because of that at first, I'll be honest, Joe, at first, I was thinking. What a relief. I don't have to argue anymore. I don't have to deal with this anymore. And then I started thinking, is there any truth to what he's saying? And so, I really started the introspection of what truth is there to this.

Is it possible that maybe I am wrong? [00:16:00] Of course it's possible. But yeah. that's what I was thinking. Is this. What, where am I wrong? And I started looking into how the subconscious works and you're right. It was supporting this belief that it wasn't me, but really it came down to if I were to be completely vulnerable, it came down to after years of therapy and all this digging is that I didn't feel important.

And because of that, I felt like nothing that I just, I was never getting what I wanted out of the relationships. And so, once I realized that I was important and that my limiting belief was actually creating all the problems, I then learned how to overcome that. [00:17:00] And that's what I teach my clients is how do you overcome that?

And where do you go from here, right? 

Joe Miller: [00:17:06] Oh, that's a case where you had a belief about something that was about yourself. First one thing we talked about was him that the other person, now you had this deep thing about how you viewed yourself, that you were looking for maybe confirmational evidence of that, which may be caused you to be defensive or to react back.  I take a common pattern or a comfortable pattern that you'd used before to protect yourself. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:17:39] Yes, absolutely. That's exactly what I was doing. 

Joe Miller: [00:17:46] So, that happened going forward. Now, you, people are coming to you seeing the changes and, some of your, close friends knowing that you and your husband were getting back together [00:18:00] again, they were coming to you for answers.

You were doing this. I'm curious, we know what you're doing today. Obviously, you've talked about that, but how easier, or how, did you transition from a career standpoint? Because, from this view out there, you were an EE your master's degree, you were doing well. there's a lot of security in that. I'm just wondering about that career shift too. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:18:30] Yeah. So, you have to, look inward, and see what it is that's keeping you in the position that you're at. And a lot of times, like you said, it's safety and security, especially for women, safety and security is a very important thing. And so, we're looking to feel safe, and we want to continue to feel safe and so the transition when you're transitioning from one, it [00:19:00] doesn't matter what you're transitioning from one job to the next, that thing that I, was actually very good at transitioning because I had moved up in the corporation, moved up and, I had a significant change I had, I've always had changed in my life. Whether it was moving from house to house or job to job career to career, I was not opposed to change. And so, I think I got comfortable, even though it, you still think you're not safe. That first initial change, anytime you make a change in a career job, home relationship, it really doesn't matter.

You have to understand that, limiting belief, that you're not safe is really trying to keep you small. It's trying to keep you where you're at [00:20:00] and, it does it because it thinks it's protecting you. It thinks that it's helping you guarding you from some crazy thing out there. And so, anytime you are moving from one career to another understand that there's this like anchor of safety and security that your subconscious mind is trying to hold you to, because if you make that transition and you move into something else, it could be, it's the unknown and that unknown is the scary part. 

Joe Miller: [00:20:36] Yeah. I think we're actually of an evolutionary standpoint we are hard wired for taking the safe route into avoid danger and perceived danger. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:20:53] We are absolutely wired that way. It goes back to the caveman days. [00:21:00] It's, in your primitive mind, the primitive brain, to be afraid of change in some ways. I think it's best to try to get an understanding of this is why this is happening. Why, you're feeling the way that you're feeling. So that self-awareness is I'm feeling really uncomfortable right now when I decide I want to make this change. And so, I feel in any time I'm making a change, whether it's in my business, in my life now, I really start to think, what is, what am I resisting and why?

Because there's resistance there and that resistance, I do this hypnosis and I think of it as like this invisible wall. And I imagine how big it is, what it's made of [00:22:00] and I start thinking, what is it? And as I'm walking towards this wall, I started thinking to myself, what is the feeling that's coming up? And a lot of times its fear, fear is one of those emotions that we all have obviously, and it stops us from growing. It keeps us safe. And so, as you're moving towards it or moving towards any change, it's okay to take little bite-size steps. So that you're not as scared or afraid of making that change.

And I think that's what helps me when I make changes. Is that looking at, why am I afraid? And can I look for evidence that supports the opposite of fear? So, can I look for evidence that supports that being an entrepreneur [00:23:00] is actually safer. Can I look for evidence that, being in this relationship is safer.

Can I look for evidence? that partnering with this person is safe. those are the things that I try to do too. I call it belief, flip your belief flipping so that you can then move in that direction. Otherwise, there's just too much of an anchor holding you back and. I always think tension, loves resolutions.

So, like you, keep moving in that direction. Yeah. Little by little, it's not something that typically you just like, Oh, I'm just going to completely, I've never, just completely made a decision out of like left field. 

Joe Miller: [00:23:48] So did you do that? did you get in; did you do some stuff on the side for a while?

Danyell Adamski: [00:23:54] Oh, absolutely. 

Joe Miller: [00:23:55] Your pay?

Danyell Adamski: [00:23:58] Yeah, you're [00:24:00] working towards anytime you make a change. I, and maybe, I'm even more safe than other paper, the safer person, the safer route, but I really feel like you need to follow your gut. You need to follow guidance. You need to follow those things and have a lot of knowing and a lot of trust in your ability to make things work.

You have to have the confidence that you can, however, you're not going to want to not pay your mortgage and just hope that the law of attraction will catch you.  Even though I firmly believe that the law of attraction will catch you. I still can get that fear of maybe this won't work. Maybe I won't be able to do it, but I keep getting evidence and more evidence to support my wishes and desires.

And [00:25:00] I'm surprised all the time, how I feared something so much. And then none of that happened. So, like, when, for example, like I got divorced and I thought, Oh, these Spears are going to come true. And none of them happened, not one of them. So, I think people are holding onto a lot of fear that is just its false evidence appearing real.

Joe Miller: [00:25:25] That's common to all of us. I do think there is a, a, wiring; there's differences in people about how much you're ruled by that and how much some people require a lot of data and a lot of support for before they'll make any kind of, even an incremental change. Other people are on the other side of the spectrum.

I tend to be a little bit too far in that direction sometimes where I have a gut feeling to make a shift or a change or do something that's fairly high risk. And my tolerance for that is different. [00:26:00] But the key thing is there's always this point where you're responding, you're hearing something, you're sensing something, and then you want to act, everyone goes through that sort of little internal assessment and either is completely controlled by the fear. So, I think it's brilliant. And the way you engage yourself and I'm sure you engage your clients to get them to break up those things into smaller step changes to make it easier to swallow because everyone's different in that regard. But everyone is the same in that they have to figure out how to cross that chasm of risk.

Danyell Adamski: [00:26:40] Yeah, I think, What I tell my clients, and this is so true with everything is what is the story you're telling yourself and understand, truly understand what the story is. Like what's the catastrophic thing that's going to happen. If you make a change, what are you afraid is going to [00:27:00] happen? Get really deep into understanding and once you figure that out, that awareness puts a light on it. And because you have that light on it, it doesn't have as much power over you anymore. You see it, it does have power. It's just, Oh, here comes that story again. That story that I'll never be able to make this much money.

I have healthcare. I have all these things that keep me safe. So, the transition is significantly different. I think for everybody, for me, a lot of the transition is worrying about how, and worry is like just the killer of manifesting, honestly, but worrying about how my husband would perceive [00:28:00] me. What would happen if he had to pay all the bills, what would happen? What would my family think? It’s a lot of thinking about having the imposter syndrome. Oh, my whole family knows I was a relationship flunky. There were jokes about me, right?  So here, I am thinking I'm some relationship coach, right?

But the evidence is that I am a relationship coach and I'm one of the best, if not the best out there. 

Joe Miller: [00:28:49] Yeah. So, you went through that process. How long did it take before you finally said, okay, I'm ready to leave? I'm going to move towards [00:29:00] my passion to be a relationship coach and let go of my corporate job.

Danyell Adamski: [00:29:05] I want to say that it was two, two and a half years. it wasn't something that was lighthearted in any way. 

Joe Miller: [00:29:22] Yeah. I can totally resonate with that because, I've been in senior leadership. As a, head of IT in pharmaceutical companies. And I did that for years. I discovered that I had this desire to work more with people than technology and got into coaching, but I probably did coach on the side for 15 years plus, before I actually left.

And It can be a variable and reasonable, it was a conscious thing. I wanted to support my family. Didn't want to. [00:30:00] Yeah. Even though I am a quick start, I'll jump personally. I was cashflow in my kids through college and things like that. but it was calculated.

I always knew that's where my passion was. so, the time can be variable. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:30:16] Yeah, I think it is. And I, personally, I think it's a smart decision. To work your way into it. I personally have learned so much. I hired a mentor to her to basically hurry me through the process of getting my business up and profitable very quickly.

So, the first month I was in business, I made about $9,000. Okay. It was like 80, $8,700. So, I would just round up to $9,000. And then there were some tough months as I scaled, as I raised my prices. The funny thing is, you [00:31:00] have this belief table that you have to keep upgrading and upgrading and so as I keep raising my standards, raising my beliefs about myself and confidence and certainty, the price has gone up. My clients get better results. And so, there's more reinforcement in the confidence. And I don't know that I want to say that took time to get that confidence. I knew it was good, but now I think I'm the best, right?

it took a lot, took a long time to get there, to feeling even the big dogs, I think I'm better than them, but it took a long time of working on myself, building my belief table, building my confidence and trusting [00:32:00] that the universe will support me. 

My Facebook ads just got shut down. My whole account got shut down. My whole business took a, I mean in January, completely, just scared me to death, right? Like at first, when you go into your Facebook account and that's providing the leads for you, that your account is disabled. I was like, oh my goodness, are you kidding me? And then I think like I had a pity party for half a day. There you go. Yeah, I did. My daughter was, my daughter is funny because she, knows like how I speak and. And oftentimes I'll say, are you choosing to have a bad day? And she'll say, yes, I am choosing to have a bad day. And so, she turned that right around and she says, mom, are you choosing to have a bad day?

And I said, I'm having a pity party for half a day, [00:33:00] and then I'm going to manifest. And I did. So, the universe provides for me referrals after referrals. And Today, Facebook accounts back on.  All as well, but it was even well days ago. It's I think you just have to continue to trust and believe in what and who you are and what you're here to do.

If you have a purpose and God has put it on your heart, that's your purpose. Continue to move in that direction. As long as it takes to get fully there. 

Joe Miller: [00:33:41] Absolutely. And I think, especially in doing what you do, adding value to people and, helping people and really doing it, you're talking about feeling like an imposter, but the evidence is there and people, the word gets out, they will seek [00:34:00] you, they will seek you out and they will talk to their friends.

It will become known. And sometimes again, this is another paradigm thing. We focus too much, as entrepreneurs, too much on all the things we do to market and, to promote our offerings, thinking that all these externals are their primary driver, but they're not, it's, the value that we add every time we, meet with someone and, what we give that really makes the business work. That's true of any business, but we don't think about that. it's like Simon Sinek talking about, his, why paradigms start with why and his example, brilliant example of how Apple is an example, their, why was not, like specifications on their product and any of that kind of stuff. It was, they were, going to [00:35:00] create beautiful products, and it was secondary, all the specifications and technical details. And so, people don't buy the product, they buy Apple, Yeah. So, it's the same kind of thing it is. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:35:17] It is. Its knowing your why knowing your purpose? So, I, I help also people to develop that skill through, self-awareness obviously knowing what your purpose is. And oftentimes it's something so simple that you just take for granted that you do very well, and that people think, wow, that's really hard to do, but you just, it comes so easy and natural to you.

So, one of the things I'm going to talk a little Woo Woo for just a second here. Okay. when I was, 

Joe Miller: [00:35:56] Wait a minute. We need a little Woo Woo sound. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:35:59] Yeah. [00:36:00] Yeah. There you go. So, I tell this story in my, book, because it led to the book, but during a time when Larry and I broke up, I went to a psychic fair to get answers because I wanted, the magic eight ball said yes but, I wasn't sure if we should, I should try again. Should I. Work on the relationship, whatever. So, I went to a numerologist and the numerologists told me that I'm a spiritual teacher and I'm like, no, I'm an engineer. She said, you're going to write three books. I said, no, I don't know how to write. I can do math.

And so, I thought that is so strange. Like she is cuckoo. She literally doesn't know what she's talking about. She does it. So, I was driving home from the fair, a psychic fair. [00:37:00] And I was talking to my mom on the phone. And when you're talking on the phone, you're not paying attention to driving.

You're just driving because you know how to drive. And I happened to have moved into a new home and I took the wrong road by accident. So, I drive down this road and I say, mom, I have to let you go. I just took a wrong road. I'm obviously I need to focus. So, I let her go. I pulled into this driveway, there was a giant, like real estate looking sign in there in their yard that said the book residents there, their last name is book.

Yeah, this is after me telling my mom about the lady who thinks I'm going to write three books. Funny. I have three books on Amazon, right? I'm a spiritual teacher. yeah. So, I think that the [00:38:00] universe nudges you to, move to that next level, even if it just doesn't make any sense why you might, why, should you write a book?

Why should. it was not ever on my radar really. And then, I shouldn't say that I had heard multiple times, someone say to me, you should really write a book. And I thought, no, and I kept blowing it off. But at this point in time, I said, okay, God, I think you're trying to tell me something and I'm just not getting it.

I will start writing the book. And then I started like a couple of weeks later after I got up enough nerve to. Do it, but, and I would write a half an hour at lunch. I would open up my computer, write a paragraph. And then in the evening, when the kids were settling down, I [00:39:00] would write another paragraph and I would wake up at 5:00 AM and write another paragraph.

And I just continued to write three paragraphs a day or, and then on the weekend I would really try to write more and that's. That's how you have to do it when you're transitioning or trying to do stuff, you, are going to have to wake up early. You will have to stay up late. If you want to make your dreams come true.

You have to, take the time when the time is there. 

Joe Miller: [00:39:31] That's interesting too. You just brought to mind something else that, you think about that, this statement you made about getting up early and spending extra time on the weekends and things like that. However, the interesting thing is when you are doing something that's not in alignment with your purpose, your passion, your superpower, whatever you want to say, it's like pushing a dag-gone rock up a hill.

But when you are doing something that's in alignment with who you are [00:40:00] deeply, how you were gifted. You have a lot of energy that you wouldn't think you would have it, it's just a lot easier to, commit the time because your passion is driving you and I'm sure it's still hard. But still, yeah.

Danyell Adamski: [00:40:17] Entrepreneurship is not, some cake walk that's no, but there is the passion and there's the drive and, definitely there's the reward for helping save marriages. Yeah. 

Joe Miller: [00:40:33] There's more fulfillment, fulfillment, it's just night and day. So, I think people, I think when we were, had an initial call, we talked about what we were going to chat about a little bit and a couple of things you said, one of the things isn't like you have a transition and then you have 10 years, then, you have another transition we're in [00:41:00] transition all the time. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:41:03] Oh yeah, totally. 

Joe Miller: [00:41:04] We are getting, even when things are okay, they're status quo, they're safe. We're often being hit with these messages from God or the universe that are trying to tell us something and we may not have our detection system tuned into the right frequency yet until something goes sideways, then all of a sudden, we're really paying attention, but we're always in transition. We're trying to optimize where we are. That's a transition, even if the job is great and even, and your passion, you're always transitioning.

You're up leveling, whatever. But it's a lot harder. And one of the signals just to finish my thought, one of the signals I have when I coach people, is if they're talking to me about how exhausted they are, they feel burned [00:42:00] out and they don't know why. And they're down. I'm just saying, I just, I have this sense that it's friction against who they were made to be.

I know that's a very trivial trite statement, but it's this friction. And like you were talking about earlier, Danyell it's, getting deep down into those assumptions. They have about themselves and about their world, those paradigms, as part of what you do that, I think is helps to uncover that unlock what's going on there so they can make a successful shift.

Danyell Adamski: [00:42:36] Yeah. I think people like you, said, the universe has guiding you all along, but most of the time it's really quiet and it's really subtle and we're not living in the present moment. We are worried about the future anxious about it, or we're thinking about the past what we could’ve done differently.

[00:43:00] And so we're re rarely are we actually focusing on the, now the present moment? And when we are in the, now when we are present or when we're in the environment or going for a nice walk for me, it's water. When I take shower or take a bath, the universe speaks to me a lot. Like I get these ideas just pop into my head.

And then what typically happens is something externally will reinforce it. And so, I am now aware and almost looking for the validation that's what I should do.

Joe Miller: [00:43:38] The confirmation. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:43:40] Yeah. So, for example, the podcast that I started, Manifest Your Dream Marriage, I love talking to people. It's my favorite thing to do. Having conversations like this, really getting to know people. It's my favorite thing to do. [00:44:00] And I, obviously I was doing it with my clients, but I wanted to learn more about other people, more people. And I was sharing that with a friend of mine, and she said, why don't you do a podcast? And I said, Oh, my goodness as if I need one more thing to do in my day.

Like I'm already doing all this stuff. It would just be another thing to do. And my mind said, it's a great idea. I think I would really love it, but oh my goodness, that's going to be so much work. So, the next morning I wake up, her and I were at a hotel. We were having a girls' weekend. I wake up and I get this message from some unknown person in my Marriage Mastery Facebook group that says, do you have a podcast I'd really love to listen to you on a podcast? And I was like, [00:45:00] okay, God, so let's do this podcast thing and let's get this started in addition to all the other stuff. and I absolutely love it. Love, love, it. So, it was the right decision, to follow that guidance. And so, if people are getting those little, tiny little messages. 

Joe Miller: [00:45:22] Whispers 

Danyell Adamski: [00:45:23] Yeah. I call them breadcrumbs. It's or if they have repeating patterns that have happened over and over again, for me breakup, breakup, I had some relationship issues, it finally dawned on me, that's a life lesson that I was here to learn. 

Joe Miller: [00:45:50] Oh, you just reminded me of something that years ago I had a rough job change. Very rough one. It wasn't my idea. And I remember taking a [00:46:00] retreat and I journaled a lot back in those years and I had four or five notebooks with me, and I said, I got to get to the bottom of what's going on here.

And I went back through my notebook page by page and I highlighted or circled different things that I kept seeing come back up again. And I, collated, I started as a scientist, so anyway, I collated them together and I, looked at them over the years and I would actually go through this, period in my job and after three or four years, things would start going. I would get disinterested in what I was doing. And I discover a lot about myself by doing that, to just reinforce the point you just made on is, there, are those repeating patterns. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:46:52] There absolutely are. 

Joe Miller: [00:46:54] Typically we forget. It's like Groundhog Day. We had Groundhog Day this week. I immediately thought of [00:47:00] the movie was a Bill Murray, get the clock, alarm clock and go off. And he finally throws against the wall. Cause gets, cause he kept repeating his day over and over again. And we, it goes out over years sometimes and we forget, we don't have, the memory seems familiar.

Like why is this happening again? But those patterns, that's a really, that's a powerful, that's a powerful thing. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:47:26] Yeah. that's what I try to do with my clients is let me see the patterns of your thoughts. What are the patterns of your emotions? What are the patterns in your behaviors? What are the patterns of the outcome?

What are we looking for? I love piecing it all together. I'm really good at just taking the puzzle and figuring out a here's where here's the sole lesson you are needing to learn is here you go. This is it. So, every time I do a breakthrough session, we're working on trying to figure out what's that pattern.

And for me, it's really [00:48:00] clear. It gets it's quick. But for people that are living in it, it's hard to see. Unless like you say, you go back to a journal and you're actually looking for answers. 

Joe Miller: [00:48:11] And that's why having, a coach, someone like you that can come alongside and just ask those non-directive questions to prompt them to go inside and to unpack it is so important.

This has been great. I'm just so happy you. decided to take one more thing on and come on Titans. and really appreciate it. I want to close or start to wind down here a little bit, to ask that age old, repeated question. What advice would you give to those who are starting in their careers, maybe early on or, in the midst of, challenges based upon what you've gone through.

I think we've hit some of those, but I'd like to see if you can summarize a few key things as takeaways. 

[00:49:00] Danyell Adamski: [00:49:01] A lot of it's the self-awareness, but here's what I did when I was in, when I changed positions over and over again is, I really sat down and I said, what do I like to do? What do I really like to do?

What brings me joy? So, I had come up, I hated one of the jobs. I, really hated, I hated because they had a very strong political, good old boys club. Okay. I won't mention it. but in that position, there was so many good things, but I was always focused on this political aspect and that created a lot of hardship in me.

So, with anything, I started to look at things differently and I started thinking. What do I like about the job? What do I clear what I don't like about this job? What do I like about this job? And I liked talking with the [00:50:00] people on the floor. I liked X, Y, and Z. And so, what I did is I actually stopped doing some of the things that I didn't like.

And I waited for people to figure out if it was something that was really important to the organization or not, nobody missed some of these things that I hated doing. They didn't bring him up. They didn't say, Hey, Danyell, I think you really need to do this. I just stopped. And I started coming to work and just focusing on what I really love doing.

And I started loving that job. I did, I really started to like it. And it's the same thing in being an entrepreneur. I outsource everything I don't really like doing. If I don't like doing it, it does not get on my to-do list. 

Joe Miller: [00:50:49] I think it's on your not to do list. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:50:51] It gets on my not to do lists because I'm not, you don't want to leave a position that you're unhappy thinking that you're going to [00:51:00] be happier in a position does not always, that's not always going to be the case.

You can be just like I was. Bouncing from one position to the next finding ways to be unhappy or relationship to relationship and finding ways to be unhappy. You can certainly be happy in almost every position that you have if you're looking at it from a different lens. It, of course, if it's completely not your purpose, it shouldn't be in that position.

You might want to find something that is really more aligned with what are your passions? 

Joe Miller: [00:51:35] Yeah, that's a great one. That's great. Very practical guide. Anything else? I don't want to shut you down.

Danyell Adamski: [00:51:46] No. that's really, it. I help people to help them live in their passion, even when they think that they can't.  For some reason, my, my parents will be upset. My spouse will be [00:52:00] upset. You can slowly work into your passion. You can slowly get there, or you can just jump and leap in there. it's really up to you. but as you're transitioning, find things that are just truly who you are and what you enjoy doing, and just do not settle for things that are just making you miserable.

If you can't change the perspective that you have in your head. 

Joe Miller: [00:52:31] That's awesome!  Hey, listen, everybody. I will put, in the show notes, the ways of contacting Danyell, if you want to reach out to her directly and also, her website, et cetera, and her book references, that's the three books you've written.

but Danyell, if you want to just say now what the best way would be to reach you, I've got a website or whatever it might be, then we'll capture it that way too. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:52:59] Yeah, so [00:53:00] you can go to pretty much every social platform except Twitter and find me at Danyell Adamski.  That's it, that's the simplest way. There's not very many people that spell their name like me, so you can even Google me and you will find me. 

Joe Miller: [00:53:21] That's great. unlike me with a name like Joe Miller, are you going to find a few? 

Danyell Adamski: [00:53:26] Just a few. 

Joe Miller: [00:53:28] But anyway. Hey guys, listen, I do. Do me a favor and subscribe, please.

 Thanks everyone for joining us and Danyell, once again. Thank you so much for joining us on Titans of transition. 

Danyell Adamski: [00:53:40] Yeah. Thanks Joe. For having me.