Victoria Volk  0:00  
Hi this is Victoria of theunleashedheart.com and you're listening to grieving voices, a podcast for hurting hearts who desire to be heard or anyone who wants to learn how to better support loved ones experiencing loss as a 30 plus year griever and advanced Grief Recovery methods specialist. I know how badly the conversation around grief needs to change. Through this podcast, I aim to educate gravers and non gravers like spread hope and inspire compassion towards those hurting. Lastly, by providing my heart with yours and this platform, Grievers had the opportunity to share their wisdom and stories of loss and resiliency. How about we talk about grief, like we talked about the weather? Let's get started. Hello, friends. Thank you for tuning in to grieving voices. I am your host Victoria Volk, and today is Episode 97, which is the takeaways and reflections episode from Episode 96, with Brent Scarborough, and in Episode 96 with Brent, if you haven't listened to it, he gives so many tips for Grievers, some that I had never even heard before. And he shared his personal story, though, of there being life after death between a secret that he and his mom shared and they didn't tell a single soul. And they actually had written it in a letter that they mailed to each other time stamped and everything like when it came through the mail and did not open it until one of them passed away. And so that's how they, you know, created this proof of the secret that dad shared. It's a lovely story of a red balloon that has ended up transforming his life and changing in a lot of ways the trajectory of his life. And I think of what he believes about what is possible in life after death, right? So listen to the whole thing. It is truly a lovely episode with a lot of great insights. And he shares some tips from the Shawshank Redemption, which he was a casting director. And one of my favorites that he shared was he decided he was going to give $5 a week to a random stranger in the mail while his mom was dealing with her cancer. And one of the quotes that he said was you can get busy living or you can get busy dying, absolutely love that quote, by the way, it kind of ties into a quote another guest had shared about either you lay or you either if you lay you decay, that's how it went. And I think about that often because in grief, right? It's so easy to just surrender to it, but not surrender, to move forward. But surrender to succumb to it. And there's a big difference. So I absolutely loved a lot of what he shared much of what he shared. I mean, there's so many good tips and information. I mean, I always say that, but I really highly recommend listening to that episode because it's a rich conversation, again, things that have never been shared by other guests. But what I want to talk about today is this idea of not doing grief alone. It is one of the things that Brent said, but I really think it's at the heart of what his message was that even someone who you know, is a coach and supports others and, and really had a lot of self-awareness even as his mother was sick and had or addressed a lot of his own stuff and had been working on his own personal development during the time his mom was sick. And after she passed, even helpers need help? So if you are a helper who is listening, someone who's like me, right, who works with grievers or someone who's an energy worker who deals with a lot of emotions that people are trying to address you know, it can feel taxing at times. But for me having learned how to channel my energy like protect my energy, shift my vibration, elevate my own vibration, right learning how to do that through Reiki through meditation, grounding practices, just really honestly my self-care which I never, you know gave much credence to.

Before I really address my grief and went through grief recovery myself, it is really easy to just do it alone to think that you can go it alone friend of mine, she says it a lot and I find myself starting to say it too, but you can't see the label from inside the jar when you're in it. When you're in the thick of it. When you're experiencing it. It's really hard and challenging to separate yourself from the feeling and the emotion of the situation so that you can see it clearly so that you can see it for what it is. So you can see the lessons in it. And the only way you can get clear about what happened, how you want to feel about it moving forward and shifting your thought patterns to one of growth and progress rather than stagnation and decay, right? Emotional decay, or staying emotionally constipated, which is kind of a new buzzword that I kind of like, because it's true, we are often emotionally constipated, when we kind of hold on and clench to something that is beyond our control. Or even if it is, in our control, we, we try to control you know, there's so much tendency to want to control our environment to control other people, it gives us a sense of safety and security, to feel in control. And to not feel that way. You feel insecure, you feel a little bit stir crazy, you feel you might have anxiety. So I really just want to encourage anyone who is a helper, and even if you're not to just again, when it comes to grief, do not do it alone, there is so many resources. And it's such a different time than, let's say the 80s, even early 90s, even into the 2000s. I mean, with the with podcasts with the books that have been written, the music that's been written, people that have been working on themselves, the different healing modalities that are coming forward, that are being explored, that are being brought forth. I'm currently studying biofield tuning, which I'm absolutely in love with. I honestly just had a session today and it was phenomenal. Just the vibrational change and the shift in this client from when she came to when she left, I know that she's going to have an amazing, amazing weekend because we addressed so much energetically and moved so much energy today that she can't help but not so follow the breadcrumbs wherever they lead you to whom ever they lead you to an energy worker, someone who helps grievers like I do a therapist, a certain friend, clergy member, your neighbor, I mean, a friend's grandparent, I mean, your heart with ears are you the person that can inspire, motivate, hold you accountable, and hold your hand through what you're going through, can come in all shapes and forms. And if there's any interest or spark of curiosity, when you're around somebody, you know you're around their energy or you feel their energy. Follow that. Listen to that, if it makes you feel a certain way, like I feel really light when I'm around this person or this person really inspires me, or this person really has me curious about that. I wonder what how this person could help me when you have those thoughts. That is your intuition speaking, my friend. And I highly, highly encourage you to listen, follow the nudge, follow the breadcrumbs, your soul will guide you. Our souls are always guiding us to what we need in that time. Do we need suffering? That might be the question you might be asking yourself. Now when I said that, do we need suffering. And I think we need suffering. But sometimes it's in the suffering, that we finally see the light, that we finally see what it is that we're capable of. I didn't for so many years, I had to hit my grief rock bottom. Before I saw the light of my potential. I just got goosebumps as I said that out loud. But you don't have to reach the rock bottom of your grief to see the light and the rock bottom of grief is going to look differently for everybody. If you are sick and tired of being sick and tired, that is enough. And I asked you and I challenge you.

What are you going to do today to flip that script to do something about it and to take ownership of your life to move it forward to discover your potential to actually live right to live. There's a quote I came across this week. It said life is for joining. Not figuring out by Genoa living. I'm not sure if I'm saying that name right, but it's true. It's for joining and when we join life, we're going to bump up against all kinds of feelings and emotions and I was trying to figure life out, figure myself out for many years. It wasn't wasted. It wasn't wasted. I just took the long way around. I really did. I took the long way around, people might say, Well, are there shortcuts to getting through grief? Well, I definitely will tell you that it does not have to take 30 plus years, like it did for me, it does not. And I could beat myself up, you know, for not discovering a lot of what I did much later in life, but it's all learning, I forgiven that part of myself, that didn't wake up sooner. So I will just encourage you to wake up, wake up to your life, wake up to support that is around you, all around you, and accessible in so many free different ways. And, you know, find that person that can hold your hand, they might be two steps ahead of you. Or they might be 10. It doesn't matter, as long as they inspire you, and motivate you and encourage you and lift you up. But don't do it alone. All right, my friend. Thank you so much for listening to today's episode. That is a quickie. In a nutshell, I think of what just I felt like needed to be said today. So thank you for listening, check out Episode 96, again, with Brent Scarborough. And if you check out my website, on the Unleashed heart.com, you will find all sorts of free resources, free eBooks about grief, I have an energy quiz, if you want to understand your energy a little better. Because I mentioned biofield tuning, which is all about energy. And I didn't learn about my own energy until probably three or four years ago, suddenly, my entire childhood made sense that I am a highly sensitive person. And if that's you join the club, I have something for you too, because I have learned so much in that in that realm of life. So much of what I offer is in support of people who maybe struggle a little bit more sometimes than others. Because it's not only your own stuff that you're taking in and you're feeling it's also the world around you, your environment. And I've learned so much about how important our environment is, especially as a highly sensitive person. You know, how do you know if you're a highly sensitive person? Well, as a kid, you probably were told you were a crybaby, or you needed a lot of sleep, or you were anxious in social situations. You know, when other people cry, you find yourself crying, you just feel really deeply. You might have big swings and emotions you might have you know, when you feel joy, you really feel joy. When you feel sad, you really feel sad, and you feel that of from other people as well. Like you'll feel that from other people and you come into a room and there's a lot of negative energy, a lot of you know, icky vibes, like it will bring you down. It certainly can bring you down as a highly sensitive person. And so especially in grief, as a highly sensitive person, you can't do it alone. Trust me. I learned that the hard way. It's probably honestly why it took me so long to wake up. I hope this was helpful. I send you so much love and light today, wherever you are, wherever you're listening from, and I hope you listen again. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart you unleash your life much love

from my heart to yours, thank you for listening. If you liked this episode, please share it because sharing is caring. And until next time, give and share compassion by being hurt with yours. And if you're hurting know that what you're feeling is normal and natural. Much love my friend.