{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":8.13,"endTime":11.67,"body":"This is Victoria"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":8.13,"endTime":11.67,"body":"of the unleashedheart.com, and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":11.67,"endTime":15.24,"body":"you're listening to grieving"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":11.67,"endTime":15.24,"body":"voices, a podcast for hurting"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":15.24,"endTime":19.02,"body":"hearts who desire to be heard."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":15.24,"endTime":19.02,"body":"Or anyone who wants to learn how"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":19.02,"endTime":23.13,"body":"to better support loved ones"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":19.02,"endTime":23.13,"body":"experiencing loss. As a 30 plus"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":23.13,"endTime":26.64,"body":"year griever and advanced grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":23.13,"endTime":26.64,"body":"recovery methods specialist, I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":26.64,"endTime":30.0,"body":"know how badly the conversation"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":26.64,"endTime":30.0,"body":"around grief needs to change."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":30.63,"endTime":34.35,"body":"Through this podcast, I aim to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":30.63,"endTime":34.35,"body":"educate gravers and non gravers"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":34.35,"endTime":38.79,"body":"alike, spread hope and inspire"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":34.35,"endTime":38.79,"body":"compassion toward those hurting."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":39.33,"endTime":43.08,"body":"Lastly, by providing my heart"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":39.33,"endTime":43.08,"body":"with the ears and this platform,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":43.44,"endTime":47.07,"body":"Grievers had the opportunity to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":43.44,"endTime":47.07,"body":"share their wisdom and stories"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":47.25,"endTime":51.54,"body":"of loss and resiliency. How"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":47.25,"endTime":51.54,"body":"about we talk about grief, like"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":51.54,"endTime":54.09,"body":"we talked about the weather?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":51.54,"endTime":54.09,"body":"Let's get started."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":58.26,"endTime":63.84,"body":"Welcome back to another episode"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":58.26,"endTime":63.84,"body":"of grieving voices. Last week,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":63.84,"endTime":69.0,"body":"we talked about the myths of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":63.84,"endTime":69.0,"body":"grief, and essentially how our"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":69.0,"endTime":75.45,"body":"society implies that we should"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":69.0,"endTime":75.45,"body":"be better, we should be feeling"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":75.45,"endTime":82.17,"body":"better, and that we need to act"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":75.45,"endTime":82.17,"body":"recovered. Academy Award"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":82.17,"endTime":87.51,"body":"recovery is it's name, but it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":82.17,"endTime":87.51,"body":"also could be called, I'm fine,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":87.96,"endTime":93.21,"body":"put on your happy face. And it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":87.96,"endTime":93.21,"body":"can also show up as this desire"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":93.21,"endTime":98.22,"body":"and need of wanting to help"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":93.21,"endTime":98.22,"body":"others. And I can attest to this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":98.22,"endTime":102.42,"body":"because when I really started to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":98.22,"endTime":102.42,"body":"dig into my personal"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":102.42,"endTime":106.08,"body":"development, I started to feel a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":102.42,"endTime":106.08,"body":"little farther along in my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":106.08,"endTime":111.45,"body":"healing and felt this desire to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":106.08,"endTime":111.45,"body":"help others. And it really"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":111.45,"endTime":116.94,"body":"helped me to push my book out"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":111.45,"endTime":116.94,"body":"and to dig further into my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":116.94,"endTime":122.34,"body":"growth. It wasn't until I had"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":116.94,"endTime":122.34,"body":"another loss of my life, where I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":122.34,"endTime":128.31,"body":"realized that I wasn't okay. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":122.34,"endTime":128.31,"body":"even still, when I registered to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":128.31,"endTime":132.42,"body":"become a certified grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":128.31,"endTime":132.42,"body":"recovery specialist. It was with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":132.42,"endTime":136.02,"body":"this thought in the back of my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":132.42,"endTime":136.02,"body":"mind that I want to help others."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":136.62,"endTime":140.52,"body":"But what I really realized as"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":136.62,"endTime":140.52,"body":"well is that I wasn't okay with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":140.52,"endTime":147.21,"body":"that next loss. I just had not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":140.52,"endTime":147.21,"body":"moved beyond the grief that I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":147.21,"endTime":151.83,"body":"had endured much of my life. One"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":147.21,"endTime":151.83,"body":"of the reasons why as Grievers"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":151.83,"endTime":157.92,"body":"we feel the need to pretend is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":151.83,"endTime":157.92,"body":"that the comments that we hear"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":158.34,"endTime":163.08,"body":"during a loss at the time of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":158.34,"endTime":163.08,"body":"loss, appeal to the intellect"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":163.17,"endTime":168.27,"body":"and do not encourage the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":163.17,"endTime":168.27,"body":"expression of feelings. And such"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":168.3,"endTime":172.86,"body":"intellectualizing increases a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":168.3,"endTime":172.86,"body":"Grievers sense of isolation and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":172.86,"endTime":176.01,"body":"creates a feeling of being"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":172.86,"endTime":176.01,"body":"judged, evaluated and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":176.01,"endTime":180.39,"body":"criticized. Because of this, a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":176.01,"endTime":180.39,"body":"griever quickly discovers that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":180.39,"endTime":185.34,"body":"he or she must indeed, act"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":180.39,"endTime":185.34,"body":"recovered in order to be treated"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":185.34,"endTime":189.66,"body":"in an acceptable manner. In an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":185.34,"endTime":189.66,"body":"attempt to be accepted and to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":189.66,"endTime":194.16,"body":"look recovered. Then, Grievers"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":189.66,"endTime":194.16,"body":"then try to focus on only the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":194.16,"endTime":200.07,"body":"fond memories and where there's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":194.16,"endTime":200.07,"body":"incomplete grief. We also see"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":200.1,"endTime":204.39,"body":"often enshrinement and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":200.1,"endTime":204.39,"body":"enshrinement in it's most"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":204.39,"endTime":208.8,"body":"damaging form can include"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":204.39,"endTime":208.8,"body":"obsessively building these"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":209.31,"endTime":214.89,"body":"memorials to the person who"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":209.31,"endTime":214.89,"body":"died. Example would be if a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":214.89,"endTime":220.71,"body":"mother lost a child and did not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":214.89,"endTime":220.71,"body":"change a single item in their"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":220.83,"endTime":226.86,"body":"child's room. Let's say even"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":220.83,"endTime":226.86,"body":"five years that the child has"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":226.86,"endTime":232.56,"body":"been deceased. Often with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":226.86,"endTime":232.56,"body":"enshrinement we can also hear"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":232.59,"endTime":237.81,"body":"comments like you must not speak"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":232.59,"endTime":237.81,"body":"ill of the dead. And people tend"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":237.81,"endTime":243.69,"body":"to have a difficult time looking"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":237.81,"endTime":243.69,"body":"accurately at all aspects of the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":243.69,"endTime":247.98,"body":"relationship. Now we don't"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":243.69,"endTime":247.98,"body":"suggest that you run around bad"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":247.98,"endTime":253.11,"body":"mouthing anybody living or dead"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":247.98,"endTime":253.11,"body":"but the suggestion is that it's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":253.11,"endTime":257.7,"body":"impossible to complete the pain"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":253.11,"endTime":257.7,"body":"caused by death, divorce or any"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":257.73,"endTime":262.5,"body":"other significant emotional loss"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":257.73,"endTime":262.5,"body":"without looking at everything"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":262.53,"endTime":267.33,"body":"about the relationship, not just"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":262.53,"endTime":267.33,"body":"the positive. The opposite of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":267.33,"endTime":271.71,"body":"enshrinement is be devilment."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":267.33,"endTime":271.71,"body":"The griever has a litany of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":271.71,"endTime":275.04,"body":"complaints de railing, a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":271.71,"endTime":275.04,"body":"lifetime of mistreatment."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":275.67,"endTime":279.93,"body":"They're unwilling to let go of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":275.67,"endTime":279.93,"body":"disappointments and anger with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":279.99,"endTime":283.05,"body":"the devilment, the griever"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":279.99,"endTime":283.05,"body":"clings to the negatives just as"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":283.05,"endTime":287.25,"body":"the in Shriner clings to the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":283.05,"endTime":287.25,"body":"positives, but neither views the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":287.25,"endTime":291.21,"body":"entire relationship. The thing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":287.25,"endTime":291.21,"body":"to keep in mind is that all"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":291.21,"endTime":294.72,"body":"relationships include both"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":291.21,"endTime":294.72,"body":"positive and negative"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":294.72,"endTime":299.61,"body":"interactions. We know that you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":294.72,"endTime":299.61,"body":"can complete grief only by being"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":299.61,"endTime":304.14,"body":"totally be honest with yourself"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":299.61,"endTime":304.14,"body":"and others. Academy Award"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":304.14,"endTime":311.67,"body":"recovery behavior also keeps us"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":304.14,"endTime":311.67,"body":"seeking the approval of others."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":312.45,"endTime":315.24,"body":"We all like praise and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":312.45,"endTime":315.24,"body":"compliments. We all like"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":315.27,"endTime":319.17,"body":"approval, and we all want to be"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":315.27,"endTime":319.17,"body":"seen as smart, strong and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":319.17,"endTime":322.98,"body":"mature. We all want to feel as"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":319.17,"endTime":322.98,"body":"if we are a part of a group."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":323.49,"endTime":326.34,"body":"This need is learned during"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":323.49,"endTime":326.34,"body":"early childhood and often"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":326.34,"endTime":330.3,"body":"reinforced to the point of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":326.34,"endTime":330.3,"body":"obsession. Earlier it was"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":330.3,"endTime":334.56,"body":"mentioned, the large percentage"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":330.3,"endTime":334.56,"body":"of comments made to grieving"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":334.56,"endTime":339.18,"body":"people following a loss are not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":334.56,"endTime":339.18,"body":"helpful. Grievers are advised to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":339.18,"endTime":342.54,"body":"take actions that merely"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":339.18,"endTime":342.54,"body":"distract or to convert feelings"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":342.54,"endTime":347.58,"body":"into intellectual ideas. Since"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":342.54,"endTime":347.58,"body":"approval is such a powerful"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":347.58,"endTime":352.02,"body":"aspect of our social skills, we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":347.58,"endTime":352.02,"body":"try to conform to the ideas"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":352.05,"endTime":356.58,"body":"suggested to us following a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":352.05,"endTime":356.58,"body":"loss. If we use the example of a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":356.58,"endTime":361.23,"body":"miscarriage or the loss of a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":356.58,"endTime":361.23,"body":"young child, people might say,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":361.26,"endTime":364.44,"body":"well, you should be grateful"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":361.26,"endTime":364.44,"body":"that you can have other children"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":365.04,"endTime":369.33,"body":"or it was just not meant to be."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":365.04,"endTime":369.33,"body":"Or how about this one, you're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":369.33,"endTime":373.83,"body":"strong enough to handle it?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":369.33,"endTime":373.83,"body":"Well, intellectually all these"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":373.83,"endTime":377.64,"body":"statements might be true, they"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":373.83,"endTime":377.64,"body":"still don't help deal with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":377.67,"endTime":382.26,"body":"feelings. This becomes a double"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":377.67,"endTime":382.26,"body":"edged sword because although we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":382.26,"endTime":386.43,"body":"want the approval of those"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":382.26,"endTime":386.43,"body":"around us, we may still not feel"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":386.43,"endTime":390.54,"body":"supported by our family or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":386.43,"endTime":390.54,"body":"friends. In an attempt to feel"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":390.54,"endTime":396.24,"body":"better, we opt for Academy Award"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":390.54,"endTime":396.24,"body":"Recovery. After pretending for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":396.24,"endTime":400.8,"body":"so long that we're fine, we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":396.24,"endTime":400.8,"body":"start to believe in ourselves."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":401.07,"endTime":405.9,"body":"If I asked you, if you like to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":401.07,"endTime":405.9,"body":"be lied to, the answer would"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":405.9,"endTime":411.27,"body":"likely be \"no\". However, if I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":405.9,"endTime":411.27,"body":"asked you if you've lied about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":411.27,"endTime":415.62,"body":"your feelings following a loss,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":411.27,"endTime":415.62,"body":"the answer would probably be"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":415.65,"endTime":420.42,"body":"\"yes\". It is very sad to realize"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":415.65,"endTime":420.42,"body":"that we have been taught to lie"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":420.45,"endTime":424.56,"body":"about our feelings for fear of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":420.45,"endTime":424.56,"body":"being judged or criticized. The"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":424.56,"endTime":428.67,"body":"danger of I'm fine is that it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":424.56,"endTime":428.67,"body":"does not help the broken heart."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":429.3,"endTime":433.92,"body":"Saying I'm fine just distracts"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":429.3,"endTime":433.92,"body":"us and others, while the pain"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":433.92,"endTime":438.33,"body":"and loneliness persist on the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":433.92,"endTime":438.33,"body":"inside. The net effect is to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":438.33,"endTime":442.98,"body":"create a scab over an infection,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":438.33,"endTime":442.98,"body":"leaving a mess underneath. Is it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":442.98,"endTime":448.62,"body":"any surprise then that all of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":442.98,"endTime":448.62,"body":"this pretending and I'm finding"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":448.77,"endTime":453.87,"body":"to everyone else around that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":448.77,"endTime":453.87,"body":"it's just exhausting to the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":453.87,"endTime":458.73,"body":"point where you have no energy"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":453.87,"endTime":458.73,"body":"left. Sometimes all a griever"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":458.73,"endTime":463.05,"body":"can do is get out of bed and go"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":458.73,"endTime":463.05,"body":"through the motions of a day, a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":463.05,"endTime":469.32,"body":"week, a month, and eventually"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":463.05,"endTime":469.32,"body":"was my case 30 years of living"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":469.32,"endTime":474.0,"body":"life on autopilot. Unresolved"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":469.32,"endTime":474.0,"body":"grief consumes tremendous"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":474.0,"endTime":478.32,"body":"amounts of energy. Most commonly"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":474.0,"endTime":478.32,"body":"the grief stays buried under the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":478.32,"endTime":483.06,"body":"surface and only the symptoms"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":478.32,"endTime":483.06,"body":"are treated. Many people"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":483.06,"endTime":486.27,"body":"including mental health"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":483.06,"endTime":486.27,"body":"professionals misunderstand the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":486.27,"endTime":491.52,"body":"fact that unresolved loss is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":486.27,"endTime":491.52,"body":"cumulative and it's cumulatively"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":491.52,"endTime":496.23,"body":"negative. Human energy is used"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":491.52,"endTime":496.23,"body":"most efficiently when our minds"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":496.26,"endTime":500.31,"body":"and our bodies are in harmony."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":496.26,"endTime":500.31,"body":"Unresolved grief tends to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":500.31,"endTime":505.02,"body":"separate us from ourselves. As"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":500.31,"endTime":505.02,"body":"an example, how many times have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":505.02,"endTime":507.99,"body":"you been driving down the road"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":505.02,"endTime":507.99,"body":"and suddenly realize that for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":507.99,"endTime":511.38,"body":"the last three blocks, you were"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":507.99,"endTime":511.38,"body":"anywhere but driving the car,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":511.86,"endTime":514.56,"body":"perhaps you were in your head"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":511.86,"endTime":514.56,"body":"having a conversation with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":514.56,"endTime":516.15,"body":"someone who was not in the car?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":517.47,"endTime":521.58,"body":"And quite often those Phantom"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":517.47,"endTime":521.58,"body":"conversations are with someone"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":521.58,"endTime":526.74,"body":"who has died. More likely than"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":521.58,"endTime":526.74,"body":"not these conversations"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":526.77,"endTime":530.73,"body":"represent an aspect of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":526.77,"endTime":530.73,"body":"unfinished emotional business"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":530.97,"endTime":535.77,"body":"between you and someone else"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":530.97,"endTime":535.77,"body":"living or dead. Holding on to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":535.77,"endTime":540.69,"body":"incomplete emotions consumes"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":535.77,"endTime":540.69,"body":"enormous amounts of energy. All"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":540.69,"endTime":545.46,"body":"of this pretending also leads to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":540.69,"endTime":545.46,"body":"a loss of a liveliness and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":545.46,"endTime":550.05,"body":"spontaneity that is almost"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":545.46,"endTime":550.05,"body":"impossible to overcome. Many"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":550.05,"endTime":554.07,"body":"people fall into a trap of quiet"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":550.05,"endTime":554.07,"body":"desperation sometimes feeling"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":554.07,"endTime":558.78,"body":"good, sometimes feeling bad, but"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":554.07,"endTime":558.78,"body":"never being able to return to a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":558.78,"endTime":563.52,"body":"state of full happiness and joy."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":558.78,"endTime":563.52,"body":"We pay a high price for the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":563.52,"endTime":567.21,"body":"incorrect information we have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":563.52,"endTime":567.21,"body":"about dealing with loss. Each"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":567.21,"endTime":570.75,"body":"time a loss is not properly"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":567.21,"endTime":570.75,"body":"concluded, there is cumulative"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":570.75,"endTime":575.49,"body":"restriction on our likeness."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":570.75,"endTime":575.49,"body":"Life becomes something to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":575.49,"endTime":579.45,"body":"endure. The world seems like a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":575.49,"endTime":579.45,"body":"hostile place in which to live."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":580.2,"endTime":584.1,"body":"Because of misinformation, we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":580.2,"endTime":584.1,"body":"never had a fair chance to deal"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":584.1,"endTime":588.21,"body":"effectively with the loss events"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":584.1,"endTime":588.21,"body":"in our lives. Maybe like me,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":588.21,"endTime":591.36,"body":"you've tried many things to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":588.21,"endTime":591.36,"body":"improve your sense of happiness"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":591.36,"endTime":595.17,"body":"and well being. And yet maybe"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":591.36,"endTime":595.17,"body":"despite all of those attempts,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":595.2,"endTime":599.94,"body":"you still feel this emotional"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":595.2,"endTime":599.94,"body":"dis-ease within you like I had"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":599.94,"endTime":604.02,"body":"felt for so long. What do you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":599.94,"endTime":604.02,"body":"think happens after all of this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":604.02,"endTime":608.82,"body":"time of pretending and saying"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":604.02,"endTime":608.82,"body":"I'm fine and denying how we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":608.82,"endTime":614.19,"body":"truly feel feeling unsafe to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":608.82,"endTime":614.19,"body":"share how we really feel? Since"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":614.19,"endTime":617.82,"body":"we have been socialized from"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":614.19,"endTime":617.82,"body":"early on to deal with sad,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":617.82,"endTime":622.68,"body":"painful and negative emotions"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":617.82,"endTime":622.68,"body":"incorrectly, we end up storing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":622.71,"endTime":627.3,"body":"that energy inside ourselves. A"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":622.71,"endTime":627.3,"body":"little story to illustrate this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":627.33,"endTime":631.53,"body":"is let's say a child comes home"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":627.33,"endTime":631.53,"body":"from preschool with her feelings"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":631.53,"endTime":636.78,"body":"hurt from another child on the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":631.53,"endTime":636.78,"body":"playground. The caretaker says"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":636.78,"endTime":640.44,"body":"what happened? and the child"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":636.78,"endTime":640.44,"body":"responds tearfully that one of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":640.44,"endTime":644.46,"body":"the kids was mean to her. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":640.44,"endTime":644.46,"body":"the caretaker says, Don't cry"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":644.49,"endTime":648.57,"body":"here have a cookie you'll feel"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":644.49,"endTime":648.57,"body":"better. Thus setting the child"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":648.57,"endTime":653.04,"body":"up with a lifetime belief from"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":648.57,"endTime":653.04,"body":"an important authority source"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":653.49,"endTime":658.32,"body":"that feelings can be fixed with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":653.49,"endTime":658.32,"body":"food. Upon eating the cookie,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":658.32,"endTime":662.58,"body":"the child feels different, not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":658.32,"endTime":662.58,"body":"better, for the moment is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":662.58,"endTime":665.79,"body":"distracted and forgets about the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":662.58,"endTime":665.79,"body":"incident on the playground."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":666.45,"endTime":671.01,"body":"However, there has been no"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":666.45,"endTime":671.01,"body":"completion of the emotional pain"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":671.01,"endTime":674.31,"body":"caused by the event. The"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":671.01,"endTime":674.31,"body":"emotional pain and the feelings"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":674.31,"endTime":678.66,"body":"attached to it are now buried"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":674.31,"endTime":678.66,"body":"under the cookie, the sugar and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":678.66,"endTime":682.2,"body":"the distraction. If the child"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":678.66,"endTime":682.2,"body":"were to bring it up sometime"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":682.2,"endTime":686.19,"body":"later, she would probably be"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":682.2,"endTime":686.19,"body":"told, we don't cry over spilled"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":686.19,"endTime":690.24,"body":"milk. As if to say that it is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":686.19,"endTime":690.24,"body":"not okay to continue having"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":690.24,"endTime":695.7,"body":"feelings about the incident, so"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":690.24,"endTime":695.7,"body":"it must stay buried. Early on,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":695.7,"endTime":700.53,"body":"we learn to cover up hide or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":695.7,"endTime":700.53,"body":"bury our feelings under food. It"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":700.53,"endTime":703.5,"body":"is not surprising that sometime"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":700.53,"endTime":703.5,"body":"later, we adapt that same"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":703.5,"endTime":706.92,"body":"behavior and cover up our"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":703.5,"endTime":706.92,"body":"feelings under alcohol or other"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":706.92,"endTime":711.06,"body":"drugs. We may have learned to do"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":706.92,"endTime":711.06,"body":"so by observing family members"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":711.06,"endTime":714.96,"body":"at funerals or wakes, consuming"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":711.06,"endTime":714.96,"body":"large amounts of food and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":714.96,"endTime":719.07,"body":"alcohol. Consuming food or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":714.96,"endTime":719.07,"body":"alcohol in response to the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":719.07,"endTime":723.03,"body":"emotional energy created by"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":719.07,"endTime":723.03,"body":"death or divorce does not help"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":723.03,"endTime":726.09,"body":"us discover the source of the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":723.03,"endTime":726.09,"body":"energy or complete the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":726.09,"endTime":730.29,"body":"relationship affected by our"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":726.09,"endTime":730.29,"body":"loss. Therefore, we are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":730.29,"endTime":734.58,"body":"participating in an illusion"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":730.29,"endTime":734.58,"body":"that the short term relief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":734.61,"endTime":738.69,"body":"offered by food or alcohol gives"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":734.61,"endTime":738.69,"body":"us the long term relief from the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":738.69,"endTime":743.19,"body":"pain caused by the loss. Food"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":738.69,"endTime":743.19,"body":"and alcohol are obvious and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":743.19,"endTime":746.46,"body":"typical short term energy"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":743.19,"endTime":746.46,"body":"relieving behaviors. There are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":746.46,"endTime":750.45,"body":"many many other short term"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":746.46,"endTime":750.45,"body":"behaviors that have the same"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":750.45,"endTime":754.83,"body":"life limiting and damaging"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":750.45,"endTime":754.83,"body":"consequences. In grief recovery,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":754.83,"endTime":758.67,"body":"we call these stir herbs. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":754.83,"endTime":758.67,"body":"I'll be talking more about these"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":758.67,"endTime":762.78,"body":"in the next episode. I hope with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":758.67,"endTime":762.78,"body":"the education in this episode"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":762.87,"endTime":768.0,"body":"about Academy Award Recovery,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":762.87,"endTime":768.0,"body":"you can now see that saying I'm"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":768.0,"endTime":774.66,"body":"a fine, which really means"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":768.0,"endTime":774.66,"body":"feelings inside not expressed is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":774.72,"endTime":778.98,"body":"not only damaging to yourself,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":774.72,"endTime":778.98,"body":"but also sends a message if"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":778.98,"endTime":783.48,"body":"you're a parent, to your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":778.98,"endTime":783.48,"body":"children that pretending and not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":783.66,"endTime":788.58,"body":"being honest and truthful about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":783.66,"endTime":788.58,"body":"how you feel is acceptable and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":788.58,"endTime":792.66,"body":"expected. I hope from now on in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":788.58,"endTime":792.66,"body":"your relationships with your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":792.66,"endTime":796.59,"body":"children with others that you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":792.66,"endTime":796.59,"body":"feel you can share the emotional"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":796.59,"endTime":802.2,"body":"truth and be an example of doing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":796.59,"endTime":802.2,"body":"so in your relationships. I hope"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":802.2,"endTime":806.34,"body":"you join me next week where I'll"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":802.2,"endTime":806.34,"body":"be diving more into sturb short"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":806.34,"endTime":810.69,"body":"term energy relieving behaviors"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":806.34,"endTime":810.69,"body":"and how grief manifests in our"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":810.69,"endTime":814.26,"body":"lives and in our bodies. Until"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":810.69,"endTime":814.26,"body":"then, take care."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":821.31,"endTime":825.0,"body":"From my heart to yours. Thank"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":821.31,"endTime":825.0,"body":"you for listening. If you liked"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":825.0,"endTime":829.59,"body":"this episode, please share it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":825.0,"endTime":829.59,"body":"because Sharing is caring. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":829.59,"endTime":833.13,"body":"until next time, give and share"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":829.59,"endTime":833.13,"body":"compassion by being hurt with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":833.13,"endTime":837.27,"body":"yours. And if you're hurting"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":833.13,"endTime":837.27,"body":"know that what you're feeling is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":837.27,"endTime":840.63,"body":"normal and natural. Much love my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":837.27,"endTime":840.63,"body":"friend"}]}