{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":8.13,"endTime":11.67,"body":"This is Victoria"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":8.13,"endTime":11.67,"body":"of the unleashedheart.com, and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":11.67,"endTime":15.21,"body":"you're listening to grieving"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":11.67,"endTime":15.21,"body":"voices, a podcast for hurting"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":15.21,"endTime":18.99,"body":"hearts who desire to be heard."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":15.21,"endTime":18.99,"body":"Or anyone who wants to learn how"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":18.99,"endTime":23.1,"body":"to better support loved ones"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":18.99,"endTime":23.1,"body":"experiencing loss. As a 30 plus"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":23.1,"endTime":26.61,"body":"year griever. In advanced grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":23.1,"endTime":26.61,"body":"recovery methods specialist, I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":26.61,"endTime":29.97,"body":"know how badly the conversation"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":26.61,"endTime":29.97,"body":"around grief needs to change."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":30.6,"endTime":34.35,"body":"Through this podcast, I aim to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":30.6,"endTime":34.35,"body":"educate gravers and non Grievers"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":34.35,"endTime":38.79,"body":"alike, spread hope and inspire"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":34.35,"endTime":38.79,"body":"compassion toward those hurting."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":39.3,"endTime":43.08,"body":"Lastly, by providing my heart"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":39.3,"endTime":43.08,"body":"with yours and this platform,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":43.44,"endTime":47.07,"body":"Grievers had the opportunity to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":43.44,"endTime":47.07,"body":"share their wisdom and stories"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":47.22,"endTime":51.54,"body":"of loss and resiliency. How"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":47.22,"endTime":51.54,"body":"about we talk about grief, like"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":51.54,"endTime":56.85,"body":"we talked about the weather?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":51.54,"endTime":56.85,"body":"Let's get started. Hello, and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":56.85,"endTime":61.92,"body":"welcome back to another episode"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":56.85,"endTime":61.92,"body":"of grieving voices. Thank you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":61.92,"endTime":66.84,"body":"for listening today. And if you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":61.92,"endTime":66.84,"body":"didn't catch last week's episode"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":67.41,"endTime":72.45,"body":"on Academy Award recovery, I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":67.41,"endTime":72.45,"body":"hope you check that out where I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":72.45,"endTime":79.95,"body":"talk about the society's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":72.45,"endTime":79.95,"body":"favorite word, which is fine."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":80.58,"endTime":84.84,"body":"Often we are asked How are you?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":80.58,"endTime":84.84,"body":"And typically we respond with,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":85.02,"endTime":89.13,"body":"I'm fine. So if you want to hear"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":85.02,"endTime":89.13,"body":"more about what fine means,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":89.16,"endTime":93.3,"body":"check out that episode. But"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":89.16,"endTime":93.3,"body":"today we are going to talk about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":93.3,"endTime":100.38,"body":"taking 1% responsibility. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":93.3,"endTime":100.38,"body":"there are approximately five"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":100.38,"endTime":104.85,"body":"more episodes on this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":100.38,"endTime":104.85,"body":"educational series. And this one"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":104.88,"endTime":109.83,"body":"actually, is one of my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":104.88,"endTime":109.83,"body":"favorites, because it was the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":109.83,"endTime":115.95,"body":"hardest for me to learn. But"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":109.83,"endTime":115.95,"body":"it's one of the most important"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":116.01,"endTime":120.54,"body":"that I wish to share. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":116.01,"endTime":120.54,"body":"sprinkling some personal story."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":120.54,"endTime":125.49,"body":"But I want to get started with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":120.54,"endTime":125.49,"body":"this is one of the hurdles of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":125.49,"endTime":130.68,"body":"grief. Because we have this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":125.49,"endTime":130.68,"body":"incorrect belief that other"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":130.68,"endTime":136.23,"body":"people or events are responsible"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":130.68,"endTime":136.23,"body":"for our feelings, we might say"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":136.23,"endTime":142.02,"body":"things like so and so made me so"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":136.23,"endTime":142.02,"body":"angry, or so and so ruined my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":142.02,"endTime":146.25,"body":"day. I think all of us could say"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":142.02,"endTime":146.25,"body":"this about COVID right now,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":146.25,"endTime":152.01,"body":"couldn't we? Actually just told"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":146.25,"endTime":152.01,"body":"someone today that they had"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":152.01,"endTime":155.7,"body":"asked if I had taken a vacation"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":152.01,"endTime":155.7,"body":"or went away on vacation and I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":155.7,"endTime":161.58,"body":"said nope, COVID ruin those"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":155.7,"endTime":161.58,"body":"plans, which COVID did. But the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":161.58,"endTime":166.23,"body":"only thing I have control over"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":161.58,"endTime":166.23,"body":"and the only thing you have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":166.23,"endTime":172.47,"body":"control over when it comes to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":166.23,"endTime":172.47,"body":"COVID is our reaction to it. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":172.47,"endTime":176.28,"body":"I'm pretty sure we all agree"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":172.47,"endTime":176.28,"body":"that there are a lot of people"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":176.88,"endTime":181.74,"body":"not handling it very well. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":176.88,"endTime":181.74,"body":"as a result treating other"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":181.74,"endTime":187.2,"body":"people quite poorly, actually."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":181.74,"endTime":187.2,"body":"Which is incredibly unfortunate."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":187.35,"endTime":193.47,"body":"But this brings my whole point"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":187.35,"endTime":193.47,"body":"in this episode of why this is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":193.47,"endTime":197.7,"body":"so important for us to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":193.47,"endTime":197.7,"body":"understand as it applies to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":197.7,"endTime":205.05,"body":"grief. Because as the whole"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":197.7,"endTime":205.05,"body":"world replies and responds and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":205.08,"endTime":210.57,"body":"reacts to this pandemic, we're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":205.08,"endTime":210.57,"body":"all responding differently. Many"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":210.57,"endTime":216.6,"body":"of us, myself included, have a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":210.57,"endTime":216.6,"body":"really difficult time taking"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":216.63,"endTime":221.19,"body":"ownership and how we react and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":216.63,"endTime":221.19,"body":"how we feel about it, right?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":222.09,"endTime":224.76,"body":"Another comment that people"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":222.09,"endTime":224.76,"body":"might say is, if so and so"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":224.76,"endTime":229.5,"body":"hadn't done such and such to me,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":224.76,"endTime":229.5,"body":"I would be okay. Like you did"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":229.5,"endTime":235.95,"body":"this. Now I feel this way. These"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":229.5,"endTime":235.95,"body":"are very common responses. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":235.98,"endTime":240.36,"body":"when it comes to grief, this is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":235.98,"endTime":240.36,"body":"what keeps us stuck. When we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":240.36,"endTime":244.71,"body":"don't take responsibility for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":240.36,"endTime":244.71,"body":"our feelings and our actions we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":244.71,"endTime":250.53,"body":"suffer. And this influenced"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":244.71,"endTime":250.53,"body":"learning, you guessed it begins"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":250.56,"endTime":255.93,"body":"in childhood. As I've talked"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":250.56,"endTime":255.93,"body":"about before and several of the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":255.93,"endTime":262.53,"body":"previous episodes, what we learn"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":255.93,"endTime":262.53,"body":"in childhood, about grief is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":262.53,"endTime":267.36,"body":"what we resort to when we are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":262.53,"endTime":267.36,"body":"adults. So as children If dad or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":267.36,"endTime":274.98,"body":"mom said to you, you make me so"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":267.36,"endTime":274.98,"body":"happy, or you make me proud or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":275.13,"endTime":280.11,"body":"don't make your father mad. I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":275.13,"endTime":280.11,"body":"heard that one many times. So"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":280.11,"endTime":284.22,"body":"what we learn in growing up as"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":280.11,"endTime":284.22,"body":"children and hearing these"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":284.22,"endTime":289.29,"body":"things, is that the actions that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":284.22,"endTime":289.29,"body":"we take cause the feelings of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":289.29,"endTime":293.94,"body":"others. And if I can make them"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":289.29,"endTime":293.94,"body":"feel something, then they can"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":293.94,"endTime":298.53,"body":"make me feel something. And I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":293.94,"endTime":298.53,"body":"bet you're just like, oh yeah,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":298.53,"endTime":301.8,"body":"you're listening to this and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":298.53,"endTime":301.8,"body":"you're like that's so true,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":302.22,"endTime":307.17,"body":"because it is, it is so true."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":302.22,"endTime":307.17,"body":"And this keeps us stuck in this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":307.17,"endTime":308.88,"body":"victim mentality."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":308.0,"endTime":311.72,"body":"I have a whole chapter about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":308.0,"endTime":311.72,"body":"victim mentality in my self"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":311.72,"endTime":315.83,"body":"published book, the guided heart"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":311.72,"endTime":315.83,"body":"moving through grief and finding"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":315.83,"endTime":320.3,"body":"spiritual solace, which I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":315.83,"endTime":320.3,"body":"published in 2017. And it's on"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":320.3,"endTime":322.88,"body":"Amazon, if you're interested."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":320.3,"endTime":322.88,"body":"But I've whole chapter devoted"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":322.88,"endTime":326.66,"body":"to this because it was a truly a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":322.88,"endTime":326.66,"body":"huge struggle for me. And at"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":326.66,"endTime":332.27,"body":"times, I find it can be still,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":326.66,"endTime":332.27,"body":"Eleanor Roosevelt has said, no"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":332.27,"endTime":336.92,"body":"one can make you feel bad about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":332.27,"endTime":336.92,"body":"yourself without your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":336.95,"endTime":342.41,"body":"permission. And I wholeheartedly"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":336.95,"endTime":342.41,"body":"agree. But growing up in hearing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":342.41,"endTime":346.55,"body":"these messages and growing up"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":342.41,"endTime":346.55,"body":"and not understanding, as an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":346.55,"endTime":350.54,"body":"eight year old child, when I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":346.55,"endTime":350.54,"body":"lost my father, how to process"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":350.54,"endTime":356.9,"body":"those feelings and then really"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":350.54,"endTime":356.9,"body":"been a difficult child in a way"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":356.9,"endTime":362.69,"body":"because I cried a lot, actually,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":356.9,"endTime":362.69,"body":"my family got together recently"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":362.69,"endTime":368.57,"body":"and my brother said to me, you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":362.69,"endTime":368.57,"body":"cried a lot. And I did, I think"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":368.93,"endTime":373.85,"body":"I was truly a very sad child."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":368.93,"endTime":373.85,"body":"And I would go to hide to cry."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":374.21,"endTime":379.25,"body":"Because it was like shameful, I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":374.21,"endTime":379.25,"body":"felt ashamed for crying for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":379.25,"endTime":382.31,"body":"having the feelings I had. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":379.25,"endTime":382.31,"body":"that's why I wanted to hide"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":382.31,"endTime":386.42,"body":"them. I didn't feel safe"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":382.31,"endTime":386.42,"body":"expressing those feelings. We"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":386.42,"endTime":392.45,"body":"give all of our personal power"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":386.42,"endTime":392.45,"body":"away, when we allow others or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":392.45,"endTime":398.81,"body":"events to be 100% responsible"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":392.45,"endTime":398.81,"body":"for our feelings. And in doing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":398.81,"endTime":402.2,"body":"this, we also make them"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":398.81,"endTime":402.2,"body":"responsible, are those events"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":402.2,"endTime":407.42,"body":"responsible for ending those"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":402.2,"endTime":407.42,"body":"feelings as well, for making us"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":407.42,"endTime":412.19,"body":"feel better or for making the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":407.42,"endTime":412.19,"body":"situation right in our own"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":412.19,"endTime":417.29,"body":"minds, right? Like, we look to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":412.19,"endTime":417.29,"body":"that person then to fix it, like"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":417.29,"endTime":421.28,"body":"you screwed up, you made me feel"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":417.29,"endTime":421.28,"body":"this way. And now you need to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":421.28,"endTime":426.2,"body":"fix it. And in loss, we may"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":421.28,"endTime":426.2,"body":"reflect back on all of the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":426.2,"endTime":429.71,"body":"things through our childhood,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":426.2,"endTime":429.71,"body":"young adulthood, depending on"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":429.71,"endTime":434.09,"body":"the loss occurred. And think"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":429.71,"endTime":434.09,"body":"back at all of that, what we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":434.09,"endTime":438.11,"body":"feel are offenses that were done"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":434.09,"endTime":438.11,"body":"towards us to make us feel a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":438.11,"endTime":441.83,"body":"certain way. And we will"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":438.11,"endTime":441.83,"body":"continue to look at that person"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":442.31,"endTime":446.57,"body":"that they need to fix this. They"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":442.31,"endTime":446.57,"body":"need to own what they did. What"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":446.57,"endTime":450.86,"body":"happens if they never do? What"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":446.57,"endTime":450.86,"body":"do you do, then, if you are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":450.86,"endTime":457.22,"body":"hanging your happiness hat on"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":450.86,"endTime":457.22,"body":"what someone else does or the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":457.22,"endTime":460.97,"body":"way someone else responds to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":457.22,"endTime":460.97,"body":"your pain that you feel they"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":460.97,"endTime":465.38,"body":"inflicted, that's a lot of power"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":460.97,"endTime":465.38,"body":"you're giving away, folks, when"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":465.38,"endTime":468.98,"body":"you realize that that's never"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":465.38,"endTime":468.98,"body":"gonna happen. You either then"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":468.98,"endTime":472.91,"body":"accept it and move on and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":468.98,"endTime":472.91,"body":"process those feelings. But if"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":472.91,"endTime":477.59,"body":"you are not able to do that,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":472.91,"endTime":477.59,"body":"you're stuck in emotional jail."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":478.46,"endTime":482.84,"body":"And this is why grief can keep"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":478.46,"endTime":482.84,"body":"us stuck. Let me give you an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":482.84,"endTime":487.97,"body":"example to illustrate this point"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":482.84,"endTime":487.97,"body":"a little bit further. So let's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":487.97,"endTime":491.48,"body":"say someone is sitting at a red"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":487.97,"endTime":491.48,"body":"light. And I've done this I'm"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":491.48,"endTime":494.33,"body":"sure you have to where you kind"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":491.48,"endTime":494.33,"body":"of daydreaming and not really"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":494.33,"endTime":498.17,"body":"paying attention to the light."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":494.33,"endTime":498.17,"body":"Well, then it changes. And that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":498.17,"endTime":502.7,"body":"person behind you just blares"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":498.17,"endTime":502.7,"body":"their horn and you get startled"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":502.7,"endTime":506.72,"body":"and what do you do right away?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":502.7,"endTime":506.72,"body":"What is your knee jerk reaction?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":507.74,"endTime":511.19,"body":"Are you going to roll down your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":507.74,"endTime":511.19,"body":"window and say hey thanks,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":511.22,"endTime":516.26,"body":"thanks for letting me know the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":511.22,"endTime":516.26,"body":"light changed, I was just"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":516.26,"endTime":520.52,"body":"daydreaming, or you likely going"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":516.26,"endTime":520.52,"body":"to give them the bird in the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":520.52,"endTime":524.75,"body":"rear view or curse under your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":520.52,"endTime":524.75,"body":"breath. It's more likely the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":524.75,"endTime":530.75,"body":"later. We are the architects of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":524.75,"endTime":530.75,"body":"our own discomfort. And we fail"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":530.75,"endTime":534.32,"body":"to recognize that we are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":530.75,"endTime":534.32,"body":"responsible for the feelings"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":534.35,"endTime":539.87,"body":"that result from our attitudes"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":534.35,"endTime":539.87,"body":"and actions. Let me ask you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":539.87,"endTime":546.32,"body":"another question. What ruins the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":539.87,"endTime":546.32,"body":"picnic, the rain or our reaction"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":546.32,"endTime":549.59,"body":"to the rain? You cannot do"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":546.32,"endTime":549.59,"body":"anything about the rain."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":549.98,"endTime":554.33,"body":"However, what you do have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":549.98,"endTime":554.33,"body":"control over is your reaction to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":554.33,"endTime":560.96,"body":"it. The same is true for almost"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":554.33,"endTime":560.96,"body":"all losses, for example losing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":560.96,"endTime":566.93,"body":"my father, what was causing my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":560.96,"endTime":566.93,"body":"grief? Was it the loss or my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":566.93,"endTime":571.01,"body":"reaction to the loss over the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":566.93,"endTime":571.01,"body":"course of the next 30 years?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":571.55,"endTime":575.69,"body":"Well, it was both. And although"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":571.55,"endTime":575.69,"body":"I couldn't undo what had"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":575.69,"endTime":580.64,"body":"happened, I could do something"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":575.69,"endTime":580.64,"body":"about my reaction to it. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":580.64,"endTime":585.38,"body":"I'll tell you what, it took me"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":580.64,"endTime":585.38,"body":"30 years, more than 30 years to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":585.38,"endTime":589.76,"body":"do something about it. And for a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":585.38,"endTime":589.76,"body":"lot of years prior to that most"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":589.76,"endTime":594.26,"body":"of those years actually. I felt"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":589.76,"endTime":594.26,"body":"like a victim. I felt like a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":594.26,"endTime":598.58,"body":"victim of that loss. I felt like"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":594.26,"endTime":598.58,"body":"a victim to the circumstances"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":598.58,"endTime":605.21,"body":"that I was then after that loss,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":598.58,"endTime":605.21,"body":"I felt stuck. I was absolutely"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":605.21,"endTime":606.2,"body":"stuck in my grave."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":605.73,"endTime":609.69,"body":"But what we can do is we can"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":605.73,"endTime":609.69,"body":"acquire skills to help us"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":609.69,"endTime":613.92,"body":"complete our relationship to the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":609.69,"endTime":613.92,"body":"pain and the heartache caused by"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":613.92,"endTime":619.2,"body":"what happened. You see, in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":613.92,"endTime":619.2,"body":"overtime, we develop of all of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":619.2,"endTime":623.97,"body":"this influence learning. We"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":619.2,"endTime":623.97,"body":"develop an automatic critical"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":623.97,"endTime":628.59,"body":"response toward others, or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":623.97,"endTime":628.59,"body":"circumstances that we hold"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":628.59,"endTime":633.45,"body":"responsible for our feelings. So"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":628.59,"endTime":633.45,"body":"rather than examining ourselves"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":633.75,"endTime":639.0,"body":"hich I was not doing to be h"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":633.75,"endTime":639.0,"body":"nest, until grief recovery. I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":639.99,"endTime":644.13,"body":"take that back, about 2014,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":639.99,"endTime":644.13,"body":"when I started to really dive in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":644.13,"endTime":646.8,"body":"o personal development that'"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":644.13,"endTime":646.8,"body":"when I really started to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":646.8,"endTime":652.2,"body":"o some self examination. But p"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":646.8,"endTime":652.2,"body":"ior to that, I had that critica"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":653.4,"endTime":657.27,"body":"response where I was examini"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":653.4,"endTime":657.27,"body":"g the thoughts and behavi"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":657.27,"endTime":661.53,"body":"rs and actions of others w"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":657.27,"endTime":661.53,"body":"o I held responsible for my h"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":661.53,"endTime":666.06,"body":"ppiness. When it comes to the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":661.53,"endTime":666.06,"body":"past, we can only control our"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":666.06,"endTime":671.52,"body":"current reaction. Otherwise,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":666.06,"endTime":671.52,"body":"we will forever feel like a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":671.52,"endTime":677.55,"body":"ictim. We sustain and recreate"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":671.52,"endTime":677.55,"body":"the pain of the past through our"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":677.55,"endTime":682.47,"body":"own memories as well. Pe"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":677.55,"endTime":682.47,"body":"ple may say, let it go move"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":682.47,"endTime":687.03,"body":"n, you can't change the pas"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":682.47,"endTime":687.03,"body":". However, what they are likely"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":687.03,"endTime":690.51,"body":"holding on to the same belief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":687.03,"endTime":690.51,"body":"system about personal respons"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":690.51,"endTime":694.08,"body":"bility that you are a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":690.51,"endTime":694.08,"body":"out something in their life"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":694.35,"endTime":699.45,"body":"nothing changes, until you ta"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":694.35,"endTime":699.45,"body":"e responsibility for your recov"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":699.45,"endTime":704.28,"body":"ry. And so the idea is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":699.45,"endTime":704.28,"body":"o take 1% responsibility, which"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":704.28,"endTime":709.56,"body":"can open your head and your h"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":704.28,"endTime":709.56,"body":"art to a new way of thinkin"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":709.56,"endTime":714.69,"body":"and challenge those old worn"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":709.56,"endTime":714.69,"body":"ut belief systems and patterns o"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":714.69,"endTime":719.34,"body":"behavior that are keeping you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":714.69,"endTime":719.34,"body":"tuck in your grief. So the ne"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":719.37,"endTime":724.98,"body":"t time you find yourself in traf"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":719.37,"endTime":724.98,"body":"ic, and you've feel yours"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":724.98,"endTime":730.23,"body":"lf just boiling up with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":724.98,"endTime":730.23,"body":"motional anger, consider that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":730.8,"endTime":736.65,"body":"you have the power of choice i"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":730.8,"endTime":736.65,"body":"that moment, in any other time"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":736.65,"endTime":741.45,"body":"that there is a stimulus. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":736.65,"endTime":741.45,"body":"ou have a thought, which then"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":741.45,"endTime":746.04,"body":"leads to a feeling and then to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":741.45,"endTime":746.04,"body":"a reaction or an action that you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":746.19,"endTime":750.69,"body":"ll take. Think of that loo"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":746.19,"endTime":750.69,"body":"? The stimulus, thought, feeling"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":751.38,"endTime":756.57,"body":"action, loop and think abou"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":751.38,"endTime":756.57,"body":"this podcast episode. How do yo"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":756.57,"endTime":762.69,"body":"get off that loop? How do you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":756.57,"endTime":762.69,"body":"et off the hamster wheel of b"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":762.69,"endTime":767.91,"body":"ing and feeling like a victim"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":762.69,"endTime":767.91,"body":"o the circumstances and to the o"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":767.91,"endTime":773.28,"body":"her people in your life who mak"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":767.91,"endTime":773.28,"body":"you feel a certain way, wher"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":773.28,"endTime":778.11,"body":"you believe, make you feel a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":773.28,"endTime":778.11,"body":"certain way. My husband has"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":778.11,"endTime":782.79,"body":"favorite phrase that he uses"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":778.11,"endTime":782.79,"body":"and says to our kids, they'll"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":783.33,"endTime":787.86,"body":"say there is no such thing as"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":783.33,"endTime":787.86,"body":"try. You either do or you don"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":787.86,"endTime":793.35,"body":"t. And I would like to say that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":787.86,"endTime":793.35,"body":"e can also apply this to grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":793.35,"endTime":797.1,"body":"hat we either take 1% respon"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":793.35,"endTime":797.1,"body":"ibility or we don't. B"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":797.55,"endTime":805.29,"body":"t we very much can try, right? I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":797.55,"endTime":805.29,"body":"'s recognizing when we're on"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":806.16,"endTime":810.75,"body":"that loop of stimulus, thought"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":806.16,"endTime":810.75,"body":"feeling, action, loop, that i"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":810.75,"endTime":815.4,"body":"not serving us that is keeping"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":810.75,"endTime":815.4,"body":"us stuck in these old thought"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":815.4,"endTime":820.29,"body":"and patterns and behaviors. Th"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":815.4,"endTime":820.29,"body":"t keeps us stuck in certain"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":821.13,"endTime":825.84,"body":"elationships. Think about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":821.13,"endTime":825.84,"body":"this episode. As you move about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":825.84,"endTime":830.58,"body":"your day. The circumstances tha"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":825.84,"endTime":830.58,"body":"come across your path, the peop"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":830.61,"endTime":835.05,"body":"e that perhaps influence you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":830.61,"endTime":835.05,"body":"feelings throughout the da"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":835.05,"endTime":840.42,"body":". And know that if you're allowi"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":835.05,"endTime":840.42,"body":"g that to dictate your feeli"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":840.42,"endTime":846.24,"body":"gs, even the rest of the day,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":840.42,"endTime":846.24,"body":"e can have something happened"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":846.24,"endTime":849.21,"body":"to us at eight in the morni"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":846.24,"endTime":849.21,"body":"g and it can do rail us the en"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":849.21,"endTime":854.55,"body":"ire day. I experienced this I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":849.21,"endTime":854.55,"body":"know what it's like I know I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":854.55,"endTime":857.88,"body":"et it. It's life in general."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":854.55,"endTime":857.88,"body":"It's not easy. I totally ge"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":857.88,"endTime":863.76,"body":"it. But to have the awar"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":857.88,"endTime":863.76,"body":"ness when we are stuck in that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":863.76,"endTime":867.81,"body":"attern. That's when we can cha"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":863.76,"endTime":867.81,"body":"ge how we respond and react. So"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":867.81,"endTime":873.54,"body":"hope you enjoyed this episode."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":867.81,"endTime":873.54,"body":"heck me out on Instagram a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":873.54,"endTime":877.35,"body":"the unleashed heart. I'"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":873.54,"endTime":877.35,"body":"e several episodes also li"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":877.35,"endTime":882.63,"body":"ted on my website the unleas"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":877.35,"endTime":882.63,"body":"chart calm there's a link to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":882.63,"endTime":886.02,"body":"Grieving Voices Podcast ther"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":882.63,"endTime":886.02,"body":". I also have a link on that pa"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":886.02,"endTime":890.22,"body":"e on the podcast page to bec"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":886.02,"endTime":890.22,"body":"me a guest which I'm taking subm"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":890.25,"endTime":896.55,"body":"ssions now. If you have a griev"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":890.25,"endTime":896.55,"body":"ng story, grief story that you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":896.58,"endTime":901.05,"body":"would like to share."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":902.93,"endTime":907.82,"body":"I'm open to all sorts of losses"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":902.93,"endTime":907.82,"body":"to be shared on this platform to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":907.82,"endTime":912.89,"body":"give you the time, space and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":907.82,"endTime":912.89,"body":"platform to share your grieving"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":912.89,"endTime":917.84,"body":"story. In the hopes of educating"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":912.89,"endTime":917.84,"body":"others, what you wish would have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":917.84,"endTime":920.78,"body":"been there for you how you wish"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":917.84,"endTime":920.78,"body":"people would have shown up for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":920.78,"endTime":924.74,"body":"you unhelpful things that maybe"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":920.78,"endTime":924.74,"body":"have been said to you, as you're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":924.74,"endTime":929.45,"body":"grieving. All of this, the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":924.74,"endTime":929.45,"body":"purpose of this podcast is to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":929.45,"endTime":936.23,"body":"educate and to raise awareness,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":929.45,"endTime":936.23,"body":"that grief is something we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":936.23,"endTime":940.46,"body":"really need to start talking"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":936.23,"endTime":940.46,"body":"about, like we do about the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":940.46,"endTime":946.64,"body":"weather. It's not a plague. It's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":940.46,"endTime":946.64,"body":"not some sort of thing that's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":946.64,"endTime":951.32,"body":"going to pass over time. Grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":946.64,"endTime":951.32,"body":"is here to stay, you know, and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":951.32,"endTime":955.34,"body":"there's no getting around that."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":951.32,"endTime":955.34,"body":"We will all experience grief. We"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":955.34,"endTime":959.78,"body":"have experienced grief, we're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":955.34,"endTime":959.78,"body":"all grieving something in terms"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":959.78,"endTime":965.15,"body":"of COVID. So yeah, submit your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":959.78,"endTime":965.15,"body":"story to me through the Contact"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":965.15,"endTime":969.23,"body":"link or through the link on the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":965.15,"endTime":969.23,"body":"web on the website. And I'm also"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":969.23,"endTime":974.9,"body":"looking for experts whose work"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":969.23,"endTime":974.9,"body":"is around grief or and whose"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":974.9,"endTime":978.68,"body":"work has been influenced by"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":974.9,"endTime":978.68,"body":"their grieving grief story as"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":978.68,"endTime":982.16,"body":"well. So if that sounds like"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":978.68,"endTime":982.16,"body":"you, I encourage you to reach"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":982.16,"endTime":986.75,"body":"out as well. There are about I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":982.16,"endTime":986.75,"body":"think six episodes left in this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":986.75,"endTime":991.49,"body":"educational series. And then I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":986.75,"endTime":991.49,"body":"will be going live with the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":991.49,"endTime":995.33,"body":"interviews. And I'll have some"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":991.49,"endTime":995.33,"body":"also solo episodes in there as"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":995.33,"endTime":999.56,"body":"well throughout. So that's me"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":995.33,"endTime":999.56,"body":"for today. I hope this podcast"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":999.56,"endTime":1003.52,"body":"episode and this message finds"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":999.56,"endTime":1003.52,"body":"you well and I will catch you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1003.52,"endTime":1011.11,"body":"next week. Until then, much"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1003.52,"endTime":1011.11,"body":"love. From my heart to yours."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1011.14,"endTime":1014.56,"body":"Thank you for listening. If you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1011.14,"endTime":1014.56,"body":"liked this episode, please share"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1014.56,"endTime":1019.6,"body":"it because Sharing is caring."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1014.56,"endTime":1019.6,"body":"And until next time, give and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1019.6,"endTime":1023.14,"body":"share compassion by being hurt"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1019.6,"endTime":1023.14,"body":"with yours. And if you're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1023.14,"endTime":1027.22,"body":"hurting know that what you're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1023.14,"endTime":1027.22,"body":"feeling is normal and natural."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1027.88,"endTime":1028.93,"body":"Much love my friend"}]}