{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":8.13,"endTime":11.67,"body":"This is Victoria"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":8.13,"endTime":11.67,"body":"of the unleashedheart.com and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":11.67,"endTime":15.21,"body":"you're listening to grieving"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":11.67,"endTime":15.21,"body":"voices, a podcast for hurting"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":15.21,"endTime":18.99,"body":"hearts who desire to be heard."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":15.21,"endTime":18.99,"body":"Or anyone who wants to learn how"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":18.99,"endTime":23.1,"body":"to better support loved ones"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":18.99,"endTime":23.1,"body":"experiencing loss. As a 30 plus"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":23.1,"endTime":26.61,"body":"year griever and advanced grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":23.1,"endTime":26.61,"body":"recovery methods specialist, I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":26.61,"endTime":29.97,"body":"know how badly the conversation"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":26.61,"endTime":29.97,"body":"around grief needs to change."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":30.6,"endTime":34.35,"body":"Through this podcast, I aim to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":30.6,"endTime":34.35,"body":"educate gravers and non gravers"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":34.35,"endTime":38.79,"body":"alike, spread hope and inspire"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":34.35,"endTime":38.79,"body":"compassion toward those hurting."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":39.3,"endTime":43.08,"body":"Lastly, by providing my heart"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":39.3,"endTime":43.08,"body":"with yours. In this platform,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":43.44,"endTime":47.07,"body":"grievers had the opportunity to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":43.44,"endTime":47.07,"body":"share their wisdom and stories"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":47.22,"endTime":51.54,"body":"of loss and resiliency. How"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":47.22,"endTime":51.54,"body":"about we talk about grief, like"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":51.54,"endTime":57.57,"body":"we talked about the weather?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":51.54,"endTime":57.57,"body":"Let's get started. Hey, hey,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":57.57,"endTime":62.58,"body":"hey, thank you so, so much for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":57.57,"endTime":62.58,"body":"listening today. This is already"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":62.58,"endTime":67.29,"body":"Episode 10 apologies and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":62.58,"endTime":67.29,"body":"forgiveness. And if this is your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":67.29,"endTime":72.21,"body":"first time listening, this is a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":67.29,"endTime":72.21,"body":"heavy topic because for many,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":72.3,"endTime":78.9,"body":"especially victims, forgiveness"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":72.3,"endTime":78.9,"body":"can be very difficult. And also"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":78.93,"endTime":82.65,"body":"apologies too because when"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":78.93,"endTime":82.65,"body":"you're a victim, what do you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":82.65,"endTime":87.81,"body":"need to apologize for? Right? So"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":82.65,"endTime":87.81,"body":"I'll be talking more about that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":87.81,"endTime":93.39,"body":"in this episode. But first, just"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":87.81,"endTime":93.39,"body":"a little recap of the past 10"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":93.39,"endTime":98.43,"body":"weeks, that's been quite the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":93.39,"endTime":98.43,"body":"experience. When I first"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":98.46,"endTime":102.54,"body":"launched this podcast, I had"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":98.46,"endTime":102.54,"body":"several episodes in the bank, I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":102.54,"endTime":108.45,"body":"think like four or five. But as"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":102.54,"endTime":108.45,"body":"life happens, things kind of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":108.45,"endTime":114.27,"body":"take over and time becomes a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":108.45,"endTime":114.27,"body":"little bit more precious. And it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":114.27,"endTime":118.41,"body":"can be difficult for me some"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":114.27,"endTime":118.41,"body":"weeks to get this content out."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":118.41,"endTime":124.05,"body":"But it's so so important to me"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":118.41,"endTime":124.05,"body":"that I share this knowledge with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":124.05,"endTime":131.49,"body":"you the things that I've learned"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":124.05,"endTime":131.49,"body":"about grief. Because I was stuck"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":131.49,"endTime":138.0,"body":"for so long, and for so many"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":131.49,"endTime":138.0,"body":"years in my grief. And it is all"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":138.0,"endTime":143.31,"body":"of this misinformation and the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":138.0,"endTime":143.31,"body":"things that we grew up believing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":143.31,"endTime":146.7,"body":"and thinking about grief and how"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":143.31,"endTime":146.7,"body":"to process it and how to address"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":146.7,"endTime":149.73,"body":"it and how to help others"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":146.7,"endTime":149.73,"body":"through it. That has just"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":149.73,"endTime":156.63,"body":"created a lot of misinformation"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":149.73,"endTime":156.63,"body":"a lot of added on suffering,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":156.84,"endTime":162.6,"body":"really, because it's not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":156.84,"endTime":162.6,"body":"addressed effectively. We're not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":162.6,"endTime":167.37,"body":"taught how to effectively"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":162.6,"endTime":167.37,"body":"process what it is we're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":167.37,"endTime":173.43,"body":"feeling. And a huge component of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":167.37,"endTime":173.43,"body":"the work that I do in grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":173.43,"endTime":178.74,"body":"recovery is about apologies and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":173.43,"endTime":178.74,"body":"forgiveness. And initially this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":178.74,"endTime":182.85,"body":"week was going to be about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":178.74,"endTime":182.85,"body":"intangible losses, which are the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":182.85,"endTime":188.13,"body":"kind of loss that it's not the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":182.85,"endTime":188.13,"body":"death of a loved one or divorce"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":188.13,"endTime":192.72,"body":"or it's like the secondary"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":188.13,"endTime":192.72,"body":"losses, it's those things that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":196.11,"endTime":202.47,"body":"not specific to a person,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":196.11,"endTime":202.47,"body":"although it can be a ripple loss"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":202.5,"endTime":207.69,"body":"due to the loss of a loved one."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":202.5,"endTime":207.69,"body":"So for example, let's say you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":207.69,"endTime":212.28,"body":"get a divorce Well, it's the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":207.69,"endTime":212.28,"body":"loss of maybe the life that you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":212.28,"endTime":217.71,"body":"had, the home that you had, the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":212.28,"endTime":217.71,"body":"support the financial support"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":217.71,"endTime":222.18,"body":"that you had, there's a lot of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":217.71,"endTime":222.18,"body":"other loss that happens in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":222.18,"endTime":226.17,"body":"divorce and death of a spouse or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":222.18,"endTime":226.17,"body":"death of a loved one, things"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":226.17,"endTime":232.05,"body":"like that. In the case of being"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":226.17,"endTime":232.05,"body":"a victim or being victimized, we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":232.05,"endTime":237.6,"body":"can have a loss of trust, a loss"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":232.05,"endTime":237.6,"body":"of self worth, loss of faith."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":237.87,"endTime":243.09,"body":"That's a big one. So that's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":237.87,"endTime":243.09,"body":"initially what I was going to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":243.09,"endTime":247.53,"body":"talk about. But there was a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":243.09,"endTime":247.53,"body":"conversation with some"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":247.53,"endTime":253.38,"body":"girlfriends recently and it kind"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":247.53,"endTime":253.38,"body":"of sparked this. I got a little"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":253.38,"endTime":259.23,"body":"revved up about it actually, in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":253.38,"endTime":259.23,"body":"talking about, we often talk"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":259.23,"endTime":264.48,"body":"about the story of what it is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":259.23,"endTime":264.48,"body":"that happened to us. And which"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":264.48,"endTime":268.53,"body":"is easy to do, right? Someone"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":264.48,"endTime":268.53,"body":"asks, you tell the story, but"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":268.53,"endTime":274.65,"body":"rarely do people ask how it made"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":268.53,"endTime":274.65,"body":"you feel. And if someone were to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":274.65,"endTime":278.61,"body":"ask you well, how did that make"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":274.65,"endTime":278.61,"body":"you feel? That's probably when"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":278.61,"endTime":283.17,"body":"you would get the emotions"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":278.61,"endTime":283.17,"body":"coming up for you. That's when"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":283.17,"endTime":287.07,"body":"you might realize, maybe I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":283.17,"endTime":287.07,"body":"haven't processed everything"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":287.07,"endTime":290.43,"body":"fully. Maybe there's more to dig"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":287.07,"endTime":290.43,"body":"into here. Maybe there's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":290.43,"endTime":296.49,"body":"something residual that still"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":290.43,"endTime":296.49,"body":"lying dormant. Things can"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":297.12,"endTime":301.14,"body":"provoke us. That might happen"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":297.12,"endTime":301.14,"body":"and provoke us and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":302.5,"endTime":307.87,"body":"cause us to reflect on a certain"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":302.5,"endTime":307.87,"body":"time in the past or when we are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":307.96,"endTime":313.27,"body":"victimized or experienced"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":307.96,"endTime":313.27,"body":"trauma. And that's an indicator,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":313.39,"endTime":317.77,"body":"if especially if you have a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":313.39,"endTime":317.77,"body":"physical response to that it's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":317.77,"endTime":322.57,"body":"that muscle memory. But there's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":317.77,"endTime":322.57,"body":"emotion tied to that, right?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":322.6,"endTime":329.5,"body":"There's going to be emotional"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":322.6,"endTime":329.5,"body":"residual residue that it makes"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":329.5,"endTime":334.78,"body":"sense, emotional residue. I'll"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":329.5,"endTime":334.78,"body":"say that emotional residue from"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":334.78,"endTime":339.79,"body":"that experience, unless we've"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":334.78,"endTime":339.79,"body":"learned how to effectively"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":340.18,"endTime":345.34,"body":"process it and take an actual"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":340.18,"endTime":345.34,"body":"action with the apologies and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":345.34,"endTime":349.33,"body":"forgiveness that I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":345.34,"endTime":349.33,"body":"talk about today. So when we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":349.33,"endTime":353.71,"body":"apologize, we're actually"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":349.33,"endTime":353.71,"body":"apologizing for anything that we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":353.71,"endTime":358.57,"body":"did or did not do that may have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":353.71,"endTime":358.57,"body":"hurt someone else. So let's say"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":358.57,"endTime":362.62,"body":"when we steal something from"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":358.57,"endTime":362.62,"body":"someone else, we apologize. This"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":362.62,"endTime":367.21,"body":"was for something that we did."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":362.62,"endTime":367.21,"body":"When we don't do something we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":367.21,"endTime":371.53,"body":"promise we would we apologize"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":367.21,"endTime":371.53,"body":"for something we did not do."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":372.85,"endTime":377.29,"body":"When it comes to apologies, the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":372.85,"endTime":377.29,"body":"focus is on ourselves and how we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":377.29,"endTime":383.02,"body":"perceive our own actions or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":377.29,"endTime":383.02,"body":"inactions. Grief recovery helps"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":383.02,"endTime":387.16,"body":"you to work through the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":383.02,"endTime":387.16,"body":"apologies like these, for a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":387.16,"endTime":391.36,"body":"relationship in which you are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":387.16,"endTime":391.36,"body":"incomplete. And the beautiful"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":391.36,"endTime":396.1,"body":"thing about it is that you don't"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":391.36,"endTime":396.1,"body":"have to apologize in person. In"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":396.1,"endTime":400.63,"body":"fact, some should remain private"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":396.1,"endTime":400.63,"body":"and indirect. For example, if"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":400.63,"endTime":404.8,"body":"you cause someone physical harm"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":400.63,"endTime":404.8,"body":"or emotional damage, what if"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":404.8,"endTime":408.85,"body":"they don't accept your apology?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":404.8,"endTime":408.85,"body":"You haven't helped the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":408.85,"endTime":413.74,"body":"relationship, there aren't any"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":408.85,"endTime":413.74,"body":"mended fences and what more"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":413.74,"endTime":418.63,"body":"likely the person may not accept"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":413.74,"endTime":418.63,"body":"it. And that's where forgiveness"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":418.63,"endTime":423.58,"body":"is often intertwined with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":418.63,"endTime":423.58,"body":"apologies in this manner. The"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":423.58,"endTime":427.12,"body":"other person hasn't worked"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":423.58,"endTime":427.12,"body":"through forgiveness and they"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":427.12,"endTime":431.26,"body":"likely wouldn't accept an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":427.12,"endTime":431.26,"body":"apology. That's why it's so"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":431.26,"endTime":435.28,"body":"important that we work through"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":431.26,"endTime":435.28,"body":"and process apologies and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":435.28,"endTime":440.26,"body":"forgiveness, for the most part"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":435.28,"endTime":440.26,"body":"privately. Now, I'm not saying"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":440.29,"endTime":444.67,"body":"never apologize when you know"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":440.29,"endTime":444.67,"body":"you're in the wrong, just don't"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":444.67,"endTime":448.33,"body":"hang your hat on it being"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":444.67,"endTime":448.33,"body":"accepted and acknowledged that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":448.33,"endTime":452.8,"body":"it's not their responsibility to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":448.33,"endTime":452.8,"body":"absolve you of your feelings."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":453.49,"endTime":457.33,"body":"And this is where we must"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":453.49,"endTime":457.33,"body":"forgive ourselves, which is also"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":457.33,"endTime":463.54,"body":"an inside job. So what if,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":457.33,"endTime":463.54,"body":"though you are a victim, whether"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":463.54,"endTime":467.95,"body":"you survived a physical assault,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":463.54,"endTime":467.95,"body":"or emotional psychological"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":467.95,"endTime":472.39,"body":"abuse, many people develop"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":467.95,"endTime":472.39,"body":"lifelong relationships with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":472.39,"endTime":477.88,"body":"their pain and act like victims."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":472.39,"endTime":477.88,"body":"I personally experienced this."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":478.33,"endTime":481.78,"body":"And that's why I have a whole"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":478.33,"endTime":481.78,"body":"chapter devoted to victim"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":481.78,"endTime":487.99,"body":"mindset in my book, this became"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":481.78,"endTime":487.99,"body":"one of the biggest veils of my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":487.99,"endTime":490.96,"body":"potential in my life. And what"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":487.99,"endTime":490.96,"body":"do I mean by that the biggest"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":490.96,"endTime":498.16,"body":"veil? Because I like to think of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":490.96,"endTime":498.16,"body":"grief as a veil, a veil that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":498.16,"endTime":502.48,"body":"covers our eyes to ourselves and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":498.16,"endTime":502.48,"body":"how we see ourselves and how we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":502.48,"endTime":507.01,"body":"see the world. So when things"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":502.48,"endTime":507.01,"body":"didn't go right in my life, or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":507.01,"endTime":510.7,"body":"someone let me down, or took"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":507.01,"endTime":510.7,"body":"advantage of me in various ways."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":511.24,"endTime":516.19,"body":"Yet again, I didn't see that my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":511.24,"endTime":516.19,"body":"default and my automatic"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":516.19,"endTime":520.3,"body":"response to my life"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":516.19,"endTime":520.3,"body":"circumstances was to slip into"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":520.3,"endTime":525.25,"body":"being the victim. Being a child"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":520.3,"endTime":525.25,"body":"that is physically and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":525.25,"endTime":529.51,"body":"emotionally taken advantage of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":525.25,"endTime":529.51,"body":"lays the foundation of a learned"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":529.51,"endTime":534.61,"body":"behavior, to be in survival"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":529.51,"endTime":534.61,"body":"mode, fearful of the future, an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":534.61,"endTime":538.54,"body":"inability to live in the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":534.61,"endTime":538.54,"body":"present, and a skewed sense of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":538.54,"endTime":543.19,"body":"what nurturing love and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":538.54,"endTime":543.19,"body":"compassion really look like."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":543.85,"endTime":549.97,"body":"Therefore, victims have a really"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":543.85,"endTime":549.97,"body":"hard time apologizing. How and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":549.97,"endTime":553.93,"body":"Why would I need to apologize to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":549.97,"endTime":553.93,"body":"the person who molested me as a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":553.93,"endTime":559.78,"body":"child? How and Why would I need"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":553.93,"endTime":559.78,"body":"to apologize to the person who"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":559.78,"endTime":565.09,"body":"sexually assaulted me? These are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":559.78,"endTime":565.09,"body":"big questions and not easy ones"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":565.09,"endTime":569.71,"body":"to process. However, I have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":565.09,"endTime":569.71,"body":"learned that even the slightest"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":569.71,"endTime":575.77,"body":"transgression should be given a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":569.71,"endTime":575.77,"body":"voice. We humans have a desire"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":575.77,"endTime":580.96,"body":"to be right. And it's this need"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":575.77,"endTime":580.96,"body":"to be right rather than happy"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":581.59,"endTime":587.29,"body":"that causes us additional"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":581.59,"endTime":587.29,"body":"suffering. We can be right or we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":587.29,"endTime":591.61,"body":"can be happy. And often the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":587.29,"endTime":591.61,"body":"hardest apology to give is the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":591.61,"endTime":596.8,"body":"one that needs to be given. You"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":591.61,"endTime":596.8,"body":"may be wondering then if I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":596.8,"endTime":601.12,"body":"apologize, isn't that absolving"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":596.8,"endTime":601.12,"body":"someone of their responsibility"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":601.12,"endTime":602.11,"body":"and what happened?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":603.38,"endTime":608.99,"body":"No, it is merely owning your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":603.38,"endTime":608.99,"body":"role in the relationship, not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":608.99,"endTime":616.13,"body":"necessarily the incident. But no"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":608.99,"endTime":616.13,"body":"matter how slight it is, it's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":616.13,"endTime":621.53,"body":"important to give it a voice. To"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":616.13,"endTime":621.53,"body":"really move beyond the emotional"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":621.53,"endTime":625.76,"body":"suffering of being a victim."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":621.53,"endTime":625.76,"body":"Forgiveness becomes our friend."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":626.9,"endTime":630.53,"body":"Forgiveness is giving up the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":626.9,"endTime":630.53,"body":"hope of a different or better"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":630.53,"endTime":635.66,"body":"yesterday. And being a victim,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":630.53,"endTime":635.66,"body":"forgiveness does not equal"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":635.66,"endTime":641.33,"body":"condoning. These two terms are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":635.66,"endTime":641.33,"body":"misunderstood in our society and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":641.33,"endTime":645.26,"body":"that the belief is that if we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":641.33,"endTime":645.26,"body":"forgive, we are condoning the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":645.26,"endTime":651.5,"body":"behavior. Webster's dictionary"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":645.26,"endTime":651.5,"body":"though defines forgive as to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":651.5,"endTime":657.23,"body":"cease to feel resentment against"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":651.5,"endTime":657.23,"body":"an offender. Whereas condone"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":657.26,"endTime":662.99,"body":"means to treat as trivial,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":657.26,"endTime":662.99,"body":"harmless, or of no importance."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":664.25,"endTime":668.33,"body":"If these two words meant the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":664.25,"endTime":668.33,"body":"same thing, we would never be"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":668.33,"endTime":673.4,"body":"able to forgive. This implies"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":668.33,"endTime":673.4,"body":"we're trivializing horrible"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":673.4,"endTime":678.65,"body":"events. And as a victim, you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":673.4,"endTime":678.65,"body":"would never do that. However, if"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":678.65,"endTime":683.03,"body":"we talk about forgiveness, now"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":678.65,"endTime":683.03,"body":"that's on the path to healing."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":684.77,"endTime":689.51,"body":"When we get stuck on the story"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":684.77,"endTime":689.51,"body":"of past traumatic or victimizing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":689.51,"endTime":693.62,"body":"events, it limits us and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":689.51,"endTime":693.62,"body":"restricts our ability to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":693.62,"endTime":698.66,"body":"participate fully in our life."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":693.62,"endTime":698.66,"body":"And I can personally attest to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":698.66,"endTime":705.26,"body":"this, especially once I had my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":698.66,"endTime":705.26,"body":"three kids for sure. Forgiveness"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":705.29,"endTime":710.57,"body":"is the completion of the pain."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":705.29,"endTime":710.57,"body":"The opposite is the retention of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":710.57,"endTime":716.15,"body":"the resentment. When we forgive,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":710.57,"endTime":716.15,"body":"we are acquiring our own sense"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":716.15,"endTime":721.76,"body":"of well being. Forgiveness is an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":716.15,"endTime":721.76,"body":"action, it's not a feeling. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":721.76,"endTime":726.92,"body":"you cannot feel forgiveness"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":721.76,"endTime":726.92,"body":"until you do it. Action first,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":727.43,"endTime":732.74,"body":"feeling follows. Forgiveness is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":727.43,"endTime":732.74,"body":"giving up the resentment you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":732.74,"endTime":737.75,"body":"hold against another person. So"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":732.74,"endTime":737.75,"body":"what if the other person you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":737.75,"endTime":741.98,"body":"need to forgive is living?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":737.75,"endTime":741.98,"body":"That's another beautiful thing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":742.01,"endTime":746.3,"body":"about grief recovery. You do"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":742.01,"endTime":746.3,"body":"this privately without ever"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":746.3,"endTime":751.79,"body":"saying one word to the other"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":746.3,"endTime":751.79,"body":"person. We never want to forgive"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":751.79,"endTime":756.14,"body":"someone directly to their face."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":751.79,"endTime":756.14,"body":"Because again, what if the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":756.14,"endTime":761.18,"body":"person on the receiving end"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":756.14,"endTime":761.18,"body":"didn't realize or believe that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":761.18,"endTime":766.1,"body":"they did anything wrong? You're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":761.18,"endTime":766.1,"body":"your back in emotional jail, and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":766.1,"endTime":772.37,"body":"the other person's defenses go"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":766.1,"endTime":772.37,"body":"way up. Finally, what about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":772.37,"endTime":778.94,"body":"asking for forgiveness? When you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":772.37,"endTime":778.94,"body":"do this, it's manipulating you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":778.94,"endTime":782.69,"body":"are asking someone to do"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":778.94,"endTime":782.69,"body":"something you need to do for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":782.69,"endTime":787.85,"body":"yourself. If you are asking for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":782.69,"endTime":787.85,"body":"forgiveness, what you're really"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":787.85,"endTime":792.77,"body":"needing and trying to do is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":787.85,"endTime":792.77,"body":"apologize. Don't ask for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":792.77,"endTime":798.02,"body":"forgiveness instead make an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":792.77,"endTime":798.02,"body":"apology. And through grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":798.02,"endTime":802.37,"body":"recovery, you can address"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":798.02,"endTime":802.37,"body":"apologies and forgiveness and so"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":802.37,"endTime":806.48,"body":"much more for any relationship"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":802.37,"endTime":806.48,"body":"to someone living or deceased."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":807.08,"endTime":812.9,"body":"Through taking empowering action"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":807.08,"endTime":812.9,"body":"for your well being. Well, there"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":812.9,"endTime":816.56,"body":"you have the information I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":812.9,"endTime":816.56,"body":"needed to share today on"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":816.56,"endTime":819.86,"body":"apologies and forgiveness. And I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":816.56,"endTime":819.86,"body":"really feel like I've kind of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":819.86,"endTime":824.84,"body":"flew through it. But take your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":819.86,"endTime":824.84,"body":"time, listen through it again if"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":824.84,"endTime":833.36,"body":"you need to, and reflect on your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":824.84,"endTime":833.36,"body":"life on where it is that you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":833.36,"endTime":839.24,"body":"need to apologize or forgive"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":833.36,"endTime":839.24,"body":"where you're waiting for an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":839.24,"endTime":845.81,"body":"apology that you may never get"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":839.24,"endTime":845.81,"body":"and forgiving that person for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":845.81,"endTime":851.51,"body":"the apology, you will never"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":845.81,"endTime":851.51,"body":"receive. Resentment is a poison"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":851.51,"endTime":857.54,"body":"that we take hoping the other"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":851.51,"endTime":857.54,"body":"person dies. And the apologies"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":857.57,"endTime":862.58,"body":"and the forgiveness components"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":857.57,"endTime":862.58,"body":"were probably the most"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":862.58,"endTime":867.26,"body":"significant portions of the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":862.58,"endTime":867.26,"body":"grief recovery method for me"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":867.26,"endTime":873.65,"body":"personally, because I was a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":867.26,"endTime":873.65,"body":"victim of sexual assault, sexual"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":873.65,"endTime":879.32,"body":"abuse. And there was a lot that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":873.65,"endTime":879.32,"body":"I needed to process through too"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":879.35,"endTime":885.47,"body":"many relationships with people"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":879.35,"endTime":885.47,"body":"living in my life that required"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":885.86,"endTime":892.34,"body":"me to wrap my head around and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":885.86,"endTime":892.34,"body":"really fully embrace forgiveness"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":892.4,"endTime":897.23,"body":"and apologies and not for the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":892.4,"endTime":897.23,"body":"other person, but rather for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":897.23,"endTime":901.37,"body":"myself for me for my well being"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":897.23,"endTime":901.37,"body":"So this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":902.02,"endTime":907.48,"body":"is very empowering work. And if"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":902.02,"endTime":907.48,"body":"you want to learn more I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":907.48,"endTime":909.94,"body":"encourage you to reach out if"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":907.48,"endTime":909.94,"body":"you have a question about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":910.09,"endTime":914.14,"body":"apologies or forgiveness, don't"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":910.09,"endTime":914.14,"body":"hesitate to email me"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":914.17,"endTime":918.76,"body":"victoria@theunleashedheart.com"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":914.17,"endTime":918.76,"body":"or you can DM me, I'm on"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":918.79,"endTime":926.5,"body":"Facebook, I'm Victoria The"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":918.79,"endTime":926.5,"body":"Unleashed Heart and in Instagram"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":926.95,"endTime":930.55,"body":"@theunleashedheart messaged me"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":926.95,"endTime":930.55,"body":"there, wherever you feel"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":930.55,"endTime":934.87,"body":"comfortable to reach out. If"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":930.55,"endTime":934.87,"body":"this was helpful to you, if you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":934.87,"endTime":940.15,"body":"found this informative, if it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":934.87,"endTime":940.15,"body":"resonated with you, I would love"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":940.18,"endTime":943.36,"body":"love, love for you to share it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":940.18,"endTime":943.36,"body":"with someone who needs to hear"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":943.36,"endTime":949.9,"body":"this message today. If you also"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":943.36,"endTime":949.9,"body":"found it helpful, I would love a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":949.9,"endTime":957.43,"body":"review, five star if it was five"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":949.9,"endTime":957.43,"body":"stars for you. But if you really"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":958.45,"endTime":963.76,"body":"learn something share that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":958.45,"endTime":963.76,"body":"feedback. I would love to hear"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":964.06,"endTime":968.68,"body":"what it is that you took away"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":964.06,"endTime":968.68,"body":"from this episode today. Either"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":968.68,"endTime":973.99,"body":"privately or leave the review on"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":968.68,"endTime":973.99,"body":"iTunes, if you will, that helps"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":973.99,"endTime":978.94,"body":"me to know what content what I'm"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":973.99,"endTime":978.94,"body":"sharing is helpful. If it's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":978.94,"endTime":983.8,"body":"resonating. I would like to know"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":978.94,"endTime":983.8,"body":"what it is you're wondering"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":983.8,"endTime":988.63,"body":"about when it comes to grief."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":983.8,"endTime":988.63,"body":"What what it is you're needing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":988.63,"endTime":992.98,"body":"right now. I just know that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":988.63,"endTime":992.98,"body":"there's so much going on in our"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":992.98,"endTime":997.81,"body":"world today. And I just want you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":992.98,"endTime":997.81,"body":"to know that there's hope."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":998.5,"endTime":1004.05,"body":"There's hope. Because we have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":998.5,"endTime":1004.05,"body":"the power within us to process"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1004.08,"endTime":1010.41,"body":"and work through to heal. We"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1004.08,"endTime":1010.41,"body":"have that you have that within"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1010.41,"endTime":1015.51,"body":"you. So thank you so much for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1010.41,"endTime":1015.51,"body":"listening today. I will see you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1015.51,"endTime":1020.67,"body":"next week. Hopefully, back here."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1015.51,"endTime":1020.67,"body":"I'm not sure I think you know I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1020.67,"endTime":1023.97,"body":"have it written down that I was"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1020.67,"endTime":1023.97,"body":"going to talk about fear next"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1023.97,"endTime":1028.47,"body":"week. But I'm gonna see where"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1023.97,"endTime":1028.47,"body":"we're at leads where the week"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1028.77,"endTime":1032.07,"body":"takes me because this week"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1028.77,"endTime":1032.07,"body":"wasn't going to be like I said"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1032.07,"endTime":1036.69,"body":"about apologies and forgiveness."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1032.07,"endTime":1036.69,"body":"But yeah, and likewise, if you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1036.69,"endTime":1042.87,"body":"have an idea for the podcast,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1036.69,"endTime":1042.87,"body":"please share it. So thank you so"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1042.87,"endTime":1049.44,"body":"much. Have a beautiful day. Much"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1042.87,"endTime":1049.44,"body":"love. From my heart to yours."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1049.47,"endTime":1052.89,"body":"Thank you for listening. If you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1049.47,"endTime":1052.89,"body":"liked this episode, please share"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1052.89,"endTime":1057.93,"body":"it because sharing is caring."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1052.89,"endTime":1057.93,"body":"And until next time, give and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1057.93,"endTime":1061.47,"body":"share compassion by being a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1057.93,"endTime":1061.47,"body":"heart with yours. And if you're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1061.47,"endTime":1065.55,"body":"hurting know that what you're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1061.47,"endTime":1065.55,"body":"feeling is normal and natural."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1066.21,"endTime":1067.26,"body":"Much love my friend."}]}