{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":8.189,"endTime":11.759,"body":"This is Victoria"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":8.189,"endTime":11.759,"body":"of theunleashedheart.com and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":11.759,"endTime":15.299,"body":"you're listening to grieving"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":11.759,"endTime":15.299,"body":"voices, a podcast for hurting"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":15.299,"endTime":19.079,"body":"hearts who desire to be heard."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":15.299,"endTime":19.079,"body":"Or anyone who wants to learn how"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":19.079,"endTime":23.219,"body":"to better support loved ones"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":19.079,"endTime":23.219,"body":"experiencing loss. As a 30 plus"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":23.219,"endTime":26.699,"body":"year griever and advanced grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":23.219,"endTime":26.699,"body":"recovery methods specialist, I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":26.699,"endTime":30.059,"body":"know how badly the conversation"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":26.699,"endTime":30.059,"body":"around grief needs to change."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":30.719,"endTime":34.439,"body":"Through this podcast, I aim to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":30.719,"endTime":34.439,"body":"educate gravers and non Grievers"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":34.439,"endTime":38.879,"body":"alike, spread hope and inspire"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":34.439,"endTime":38.879,"body":"compassion toward those hurting."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":39.389,"endTime":43.169,"body":"Lastly, by providing my heart"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":39.389,"endTime":43.169,"body":"with yours and this platform,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":43.529,"endTime":47.159,"body":"Grievers had the opportunity to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":43.529,"endTime":47.159,"body":"share their wisdom and stories"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":47.309,"endTime":51.629,"body":"of loss and resiliency. How"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":47.309,"endTime":51.629,"body":"about we talk about grief like"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":51.629,"endTime":56.189,"body":"we talked about the weather?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":51.629,"endTime":56.189,"body":"Let's get started. Thank you for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":56.189,"endTime":60.749,"body":"tuning in to Episode 33,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":56.189,"endTime":60.749,"body":"takeaways and reflections"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":60.779,"endTime":65.639,"body":"resiliency versus self reliance."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":60.779,"endTime":65.639,"body":"After conducting more than 20"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":65.639,"endTime":68.669,"body":"podcast interviews, many of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":65.639,"endTime":68.669,"body":"which have not yet gone live,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":68.699,"endTime":73.199,"body":"I've connected a few dots. Every"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":68.699,"endTime":73.199,"body":"guest has had in common the one"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":73.199,"endTime":78.899,"body":"thing they held on to and that's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":73.199,"endTime":78.899,"body":"hope. In Episode 31 Niki Scorpio"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":78.899,"endTime":81.509,"body":"shared his grieving voice of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":78.899,"endTime":81.509,"body":"what it was like to be an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":81.509,"endTime":86.369,"body":"artificial insemination child."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":81.509,"endTime":86.369,"body":"He was then raised in an LGBTQ"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":86.369,"endTime":90.089,"body":"home with his mom and his mom,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":86.369,"endTime":90.089,"body":"his partner, his biological"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":90.089,"endTime":94.199,"body":"father ended up dying of AIDS."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":90.089,"endTime":94.199,"body":"Although he didn't go into that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":94.199,"endTime":98.009,"body":"aspect of his story in depth, I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":94.199,"endTime":98.009,"body":"can place myself in his shoes."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":98.459,"endTime":101.459,"body":"And imagine the confusion that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":98.459,"endTime":101.459,"body":"must have added to his already"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":101.459,"endTime":105.419,"body":"present pain, and how"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":101.459,"endTime":105.419,"body":"conflicting, those feelings"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":105.419,"endTime":109.589,"body":"were. The conflicting feelings"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":105.419,"endTime":109.589,"body":"we feel within the context of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":109.589,"endTime":113.789,"body":"relationships as grief. We can"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":109.589,"endTime":113.789,"body":"love and care about someone."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":114.299,"endTime":118.169,"body":"However, if they continually"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":114.299,"endTime":118.169,"body":"betray our trust, don't respect"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":118.169,"endTime":122.069,"body":"our boundaries or manipulative."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":118.169,"endTime":122.069,"body":"What we're left with are the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":122.069,"endTime":125.609,"body":"feelings that are opposite of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":122.069,"endTime":125.609,"body":"love and care. We may feel"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":125.609,"endTime":131.099,"body":"betrayal, anger, and resentment."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":125.609,"endTime":131.099,"body":"Nikki could have easily felt all"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":131.099,"endTime":135.479,"body":"these things, not saying he did"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":131.099,"endTime":135.479,"body":"but the choice others make,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":135.599,"endTime":139.769,"body":"particularly in a parental"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":135.599,"endTime":139.769,"body":"situation directly impact the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":139.769,"endTime":143.729,"body":"children. I can say that I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":139.769,"endTime":143.729,"body":"wasn't happy about the decisions"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":143.729,"endTime":147.719,"body":"that were made after my dad"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":143.729,"endTime":147.719,"body":"passed. However, as children, we"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":147.719,"endTime":151.139,"body":"don't have a choice but to go"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":147.719,"endTime":151.139,"body":"with the punches. We find a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":151.139,"endTime":154.769,"body":"resiliency and self reliance"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":151.139,"endTime":154.769,"body":"because we're forced we're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":154.769,"endTime":159.569,"body":"forced to as children, not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":154.769,"endTime":159.569,"body":"because we choose it. Nikki"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":159.569,"endTime":162.419,"body":"rolled with the punches of his"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":159.569,"endTime":162.419,"body":"childhood as he grew up in a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":162.419,"endTime":166.409,"body":"predominantly poor area of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":162.419,"endTime":166.409,"body":"Berkeley, California. His mom"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":166.409,"endTime":169.739,"body":"worked many jobs, including a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":166.409,"endTime":169.739,"body":"school teacher, which love and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":169.739,"endTime":174.089,"body":"light to all the fantastic"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":169.739,"endTime":174.089,"body":"teachers out there! To get them"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":174.119,"endTime":178.259,"body":"out of that area and into a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":174.119,"endTime":178.259,"body":"better neighborhood. Diversity"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":178.259,"endTime":180.659,"body":"was something Nikki brought up"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":178.259,"endTime":180.659,"body":"that I gathered was very"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":180.659,"endTime":185.009,"body":"influential for him from"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":180.659,"endTime":185.009,"body":"different cuisine, personalities"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":185.009,"endTime":188.039,"body":"and the things his mom shared"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":185.009,"endTime":188.039,"body":"about other cultures, and the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":188.039,"endTime":190.979,"body":"people they met where they"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":188.039,"endTime":190.979,"body":"lived, he learned acceptance of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":190.979,"endTime":195.509,"body":"all different backgrounds."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":190.979,"endTime":195.509,"body":"Perhaps growing up a non"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":195.509,"endTime":199.349,"body":"traditional way and realizing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":195.509,"endTime":199.349,"body":"this as a teenager, helped pave"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":199.349,"endTime":202.589,"body":"the way and shape his beliefs"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":199.349,"endTime":202.589,"body":"around diversity as an adult."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":203.699,"endTime":206.999,"body":"Nikki has a very open and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":203.699,"endTime":206.999,"body":"accepting aura and presence"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":206.999,"endTime":211.499,"body":"about him, which I appreciated."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":206.999,"endTime":211.499,"body":"So much. So I even suggested he"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":211.499,"endTime":215.009,"body":"looked into becoming a grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":211.499,"endTime":215.009,"body":"recovery specialist. It's a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":215.009,"endTime":218.159,"body":"profession that isn't for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":215.009,"endTime":218.159,"body":"everyone. However, I just got a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":218.159,"endTime":221.759,"body":"certain vibe that his pain helps"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":218.159,"endTime":221.759,"body":"him bring compassion and empathy"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":221.759,"endTime":225.569,"body":"to others. And perhaps I also"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":221.759,"endTime":225.569,"body":"feel this way because it's very"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":225.569,"endTime":231.359,"body":"obvious to me how underserved"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":225.569,"endTime":231.359,"body":"the LGBTQ community is too. I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":231.359,"endTime":234.449,"body":"can also be more comfortable"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":231.359,"endTime":234.449,"body":"asking for help from someone who"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":234.449,"endTime":239.489,"body":"has lived a similar experience."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":234.449,"endTime":239.489,"body":"That being said as an empath,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":239.489,"endTime":242.609,"body":"and empathy being my number one"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":239.489,"endTime":242.609,"body":"strength and Gallup testing,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":242.879,"endTime":246.539,"body":"which I'll reference in the show"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":242.879,"endTime":246.539,"body":"notes. If you're not sure what"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":246.539,"endTime":250.799,"body":"that is, I'm more than open to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":246.539,"endTime":250.799,"body":"working with anyone regardless"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":250.799,"endTime":254.699,"body":"of their loss. I feel more than"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":250.799,"endTime":254.699,"body":"comfortable with holding space"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":254.699,"endTime":258.119,"body":"for and listening to and working"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":254.699,"endTime":258.119,"body":"with people from all walks of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":258.119,"endTime":262.349,"body":"life. Considering they're more"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":258.119,"endTime":262.349,"body":"than 40 plus losses, you likely"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":262.349,"endTime":264.479,"body":"don't have just one to work"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":262.349,"endTime":264.479,"body":"through either."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":265.83,"endTime":268.86,"body":"That being said I have a soft"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":265.83,"endTime":268.86,"body":"spot for veterans as I'm a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":268.86,"endTime":272.67,"body":"veteran with a family history of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":268.86,"endTime":272.67,"body":"veterans. And because I'm big"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":272.67,"endTime":275.58,"body":"into prevention, the helping"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":272.67,"endTime":275.58,"body":"children with Loss Program is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":275.58,"endTime":279.57,"body":"near and dear to my heart. This"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":275.58,"endTime":279.57,"body":"program is available in a group"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":279.57,"endTime":283.47,"body":"format online as well. It's a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":279.57,"endTime":283.47,"body":"four week program where we meet"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":283.47,"endTime":286.95,"body":"one evening per week, and it is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":283.47,"endTime":286.95,"body":"for the adult caregivers and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":286.95,"endTime":291.18,"body":"caretakers of children. This"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":286.95,"endTime":291.18,"body":"program applies to daycare"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":291.18,"endTime":295.68,"body":"providers, headstart programs,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":291.18,"endTime":295.68,"body":"parents, foster parents,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":295.71,"endTime":300.3,"body":"adoption agencies, parents"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":295.71,"endTime":300.3,"body":"adopting school counselors and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":300.3,"endTime":303.57,"body":"more. If you're interested in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":300.3,"endTime":303.57,"body":"learning more about the helping"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":303.57,"endTime":306.24,"body":"children with Loss Program,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":303.57,"endTime":306.24,"body":"there will be a link in the show"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":306.24,"endTime":311.55,"body":"notes to connect with me. Or you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":306.24,"endTime":311.55,"body":"may email me at Victoria at the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":311.55,"endTime":316.47,"body":"unleashed heart calm. And the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":311.55,"endTime":316.47,"body":"episode Nick mentioned the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":316.47,"endTime":320.34,"body":"unlearning he had to go through."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":316.47,"endTime":320.34,"body":"As an adult, he began to put"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":320.34,"endTime":323.94,"body":"together the pieces of his"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":320.34,"endTime":323.94,"body":"childhood anger. He tied it back"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":323.94,"endTime":327.6,"body":"to the bullying, the upheaval of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":323.94,"endTime":327.6,"body":"having to move to a new school"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":327.6,"endTime":330.96,"body":"and neighborhood. Despite it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":327.6,"endTime":330.96,"body":"being for the best, and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":330.96,"endTime":333.96,"body":"realizing that other kids were"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":330.96,"endTime":333.96,"body":"figuring out his home life"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":333.96,"endTime":338.19,"body":"different from theirs. Next"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":333.96,"endTime":338.19,"body":"voice around kancil culture"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":338.22,"endTime":342.09,"body":"diversity for balance, and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":338.22,"endTime":342.09,"body":"curiosity made me feel like he"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":342.09,"endTime":345.81,"body":"was speaking my language. There"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":342.09,"endTime":345.81,"body":"has been a massive shift over"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":345.81,"endTime":349.92,"body":"the past year, we're seeing how"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":345.81,"endTime":349.92,"body":"people are exercising their"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":349.92,"endTime":353.22,"body":"right to share their voice,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":349.92,"endTime":353.22,"body":"through movements such as Black"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":353.22,"endTime":358.44,"body":"Lives Matter. Me too, and with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":353.22,"endTime":358.44,"body":"LGBTQ rights as well. In the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":358.44,"endTime":362.07,"body":"process, however, there is this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":358.44,"endTime":362.07,"body":"cancel culture happening to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":362.67,"endTime":366.39,"body":"regardless of the movement or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":362.67,"endTime":366.39,"body":"who is up for election, I agree"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":366.39,"endTime":369.78,"body":"with Nikki that diversity is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":366.39,"endTime":369.78,"body":"vital in maintaining a balance."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":370.47,"endTime":373.5,"body":"There is so much injustice in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":370.47,"endTime":373.5,"body":"the world and so much sorrow in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":373.5,"endTime":377.37,"body":"the news. Must we add to it by"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":373.5,"endTime":377.37,"body":"squashing the opinions or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":377.37,"endTime":380.16,"body":"thoughts of others? I am"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":377.37,"endTime":380.16,"body":"passionate about grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":380.16,"endTime":384.42,"body":"education. I do have opinions"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":380.16,"endTime":384.42,"body":"about things shared online about"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":384.42,"endTime":389.1,"body":"grief that is in truth more"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":384.42,"endTime":389.1,"body":"harmful than helpful. However,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":389.1,"endTime":393.03,"body":"it's not my place to cancel"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":389.1,"endTime":393.03,"body":"anyone elses opinions out. And I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":393.03,"endTime":396.57,"body":"hope to receive the same"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":393.03,"endTime":396.57,"body":"respect. I may not be your cup"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":396.57,"endTime":400.14,"body":"of tea and that's okay. And you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":396.57,"endTime":400.14,"body":"may not be ready to do the deep"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":400.14,"endTime":404.82,"body":"inner work either. And likewise,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":400.14,"endTime":404.82,"body":"that is okay. However it is Oh,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":404.85,"endTime":408.45,"body":"it always brings sadness to my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":404.85,"endTime":408.45,"body":"heart. When I hear that because"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":408.45,"endTime":412.86,"body":"I know how long I needlessly"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":408.45,"endTime":412.86,"body":"suffered. I did that to myself."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":413.25,"endTime":416.58,"body":"No one else did that to me. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":413.25,"endTime":416.58,"body":"that's where we all should"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":416.58,"endTime":420.03,"body":"consider flipping the script."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":416.58,"endTime":420.03,"body":"Like my friend Nikki did and my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":420.03,"endTime":424.8,"body":"dear friend supporter and mentor"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":420.03,"endTime":424.8,"body":"Sandy Derby did as well. Sandy"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":424.8,"endTime":428.16,"body":"shared her traumatic experience"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":424.8,"endTime":428.16,"body":"of sexual abuse by her father,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":428.58,"endTime":432.66,"body":"followed by satanic ritualistic"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":428.58,"endTime":432.66,"body":"sexual abuse by her uncle, a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":432.66,"endTime":437.58,"body":"pastor and his friend, also a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":432.66,"endTime":437.58,"body":"pastor. Can you even imagine the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":437.58,"endTime":441.45,"body":"confusion and fear you would"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":437.58,"endTime":441.45,"body":"grow up within that situation?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":442.41,"endTime":446.67,"body":"It's heartbreaking and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":442.41,"endTime":446.67,"body":"horrifying. No child should ever"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":446.67,"endTime":450.36,"body":"have to go through sexual abuse"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":446.67,"endTime":450.36,"body":"of any nature, much less at the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":450.36,"endTime":453.9,"body":"hands of someone who is supposed"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":450.36,"endTime":453.9,"body":"to be your protector, and also"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":453.9,"endTime":458.37,"body":"by other family and clergy who"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":453.9,"endTime":458.37,"body":"use that power, not in the name"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":458.37,"endTime":459.75,"body":"of God but against him."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":461.01,"endTime":464.13,"body":"The wounds and scarring that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":461.01,"endTime":464.13,"body":"Sandy had to unpack our where"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":464.13,"endTime":468.54,"body":"she and I connected. You see, I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":464.13,"endTime":468.54,"body":"had my grief and trauma to deal"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":468.54,"endTime":470.94,"body":"with and together we were a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":468.54,"endTime":470.94,"body":"heart with yours for one"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":470.94,"endTime":475.38,"body":"another. She was my partner when"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":470.94,"endTime":475.38,"body":"I got certified in the method as"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":475.38,"endTime":478.8,"body":"I went through the method"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":475.38,"endTime":478.8,"body":"myself. She was there for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":478.8,"endTime":482.1,"body":"advanced training. Also working"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":478.8,"endTime":482.1,"body":"through her stuff to going"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":482.1,"endTime":484.71,"body":"through the process yourself is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":482.1,"endTime":484.71,"body":"a requirement to become a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":484.71,"endTime":489.9,"body":"specialist. There's no ifs, ands"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":484.71,"endTime":489.9,"body":"or buts about it. The greatest"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":489.9,"endTime":492.51,"body":"lesson I have learned throughout"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":489.9,"endTime":492.51,"body":"the past seven years of my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":492.51,"endTime":496.23,"body":"healing journey is that we heal"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":492.51,"endTime":496.23,"body":"only to the depths We are ready"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":496.23,"endTime":500.64,"body":"and willing to go. And as I've"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":496.23,"endTime":500.64,"body":"been willing to go deeper, the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":500.64,"endTime":503.58,"body":"healing has also become more"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":500.64,"endTime":503.58,"body":"transformative and life"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":503.58,"endTime":507.93,"body":"changing. We get from point A to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":503.58,"endTime":507.93,"body":"point B and healing when we're"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":507.93,"endTime":511.68,"body":"open to doing the work."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":507.93,"endTime":511.68,"body":"fulfillment joy, an overall"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":511.68,"endTime":515.34,"body":"happiness will not be yours"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":511.68,"endTime":515.34,"body":"until as a griever you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":515.34,"endTime":522.0,"body":"understand this disk group take"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":515.34,"endTime":522.0,"body":"time. Yes, absolutely. How much"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":522.0,"endTime":525.15,"body":"of your life are you willing to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":522.0,"endTime":525.15,"body":"put on the backburner though?"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":526.2,"endTime":530.52,"body":"Moving on is not a disservice to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":526.2,"endTime":530.52,"body":"your loved one. Moving on is not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":530.52,"endTime":534.6,"body":"dishonouring their memory."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":530.52,"endTime":534.6,"body":"Moving on is also not about more"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":534.6,"endTime":539.4,"body":"stuffing and avoidance. Moving"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":534.6,"endTime":539.4,"body":"on is about real recovery from"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":539.4,"endTime":542.34,"body":"the emotions that leave you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":539.4,"endTime":542.34,"body":"incomplete and stuck in the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":542.34,"endTime":547.26,"body":"past. As Sandy said in her"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":542.34,"endTime":547.26,"body":"episode, you can't run from the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":547.26,"endTime":552.42,"body":"past. You can't run from who you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":547.26,"endTime":552.42,"body":"are. The past is always right"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":552.42,"endTime":556.89,"body":"there with you until you address"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":552.42,"endTime":556.89,"body":"it. It wasn't until Sandy had a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":556.89,"endTime":561.51,"body":"life altering literal come to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":556.89,"endTime":561.51,"body":"Jesus moment. She shared God had"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":561.51,"endTime":565.53,"body":"spoken to her. She had become a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":561.51,"endTime":565.53,"body":"daily meth user for three and a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":565.53,"endTime":569.31,"body":"half years. A terrifying"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":565.53,"endTime":569.31,"body":"domestic situation was the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":569.31,"endTime":572.16,"body":"catapult for that God moment"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":569.31,"endTime":572.16,"body":"that resulted in a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":572.16,"endTime":576.81,"body":"transformation story you will"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":572.16,"endTime":576.81,"body":"have to hear for yourself. Sandy"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":576.81,"endTime":581.01,"body":"also talks about praying as in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":576.81,"endTime":581.01,"body":"grieving. Neither prayer nor God"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":581.01,"endTime":585.24,"body":"alone can rid us of all of our"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":581.01,"endTime":585.24,"body":"sorrow. We are co creators with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":585.24,"endTime":590.76,"body":"God and we choose with our free"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":585.24,"endTime":590.76,"body":"will to either move our feet or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":590.76,"endTime":595.26,"body":"lie in bed and give up. The"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":590.76,"endTime":595.26,"body":"point in healing isn't to dig up"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":595.26,"endTime":599.97,"body":"the past. There's nothing to dig"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":595.26,"endTime":599.97,"body":"up. Like Sandy said in her"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":600.0,"endTime":604.95,"body":"Episode The past is always"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":600.0,"endTime":604.95,"body":"there, we can't run from it. So"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":605.28,"endTime":607.8,"body":"you can't dig something up"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":605.28,"endTime":607.8,"body":"that's always been there."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":608.85,"endTime":612.57,"body":"Guaranteed the feelings you have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":608.85,"endTime":612.57,"body":"of being emotionally incomplete"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":612.57,"endTime":617.04,"body":"with the relationship show up in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":612.57,"endTime":617.04,"body":"other areas of your life. Our"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":617.04,"endTime":621.6,"body":"external lives are a reflection"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":617.04,"endTime":621.6,"body":"of our internal experience. The"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":621.6,"endTime":625.14,"body":"more healing one does internally"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":621.6,"endTime":625.14,"body":"the more joy and fulfillment one"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":625.14,"endTime":630.0,"body":"experiences in the external or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":625.14,"endTime":630.0,"body":"physical reality. I know this to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":630.0,"endTime":632.73,"body":"be true for myself, and I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":630.0,"endTime":632.73,"body":"believe Sandy and Nikki would"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":632.76,"endTime":636.6,"body":"both agree. I've said this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":632.76,"endTime":636.6,"body":"before, and I'll repeat it."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":637.35,"endTime":641.4,"body":"Grief is cumulative, and it's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":637.35,"endTime":641.4,"body":"cumulatively negative. Likewise,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":641.4,"endTime":645.66,"body":"healing is cumulative, and it's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":641.4,"endTime":645.66,"body":"cumulatively positive. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":645.66,"endTime":648.96,"body":"anything that we do to nurture"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":645.66,"endTime":648.96,"body":"our spirit healing and overall"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":648.96,"endTime":652.59,"body":"wellness is a step in a positive"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":648.96,"endTime":652.59,"body":"direction to whole self living."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":653.55,"endTime":657.69,"body":"No one wants to live a subpar"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":653.55,"endTime":657.69,"body":"life. And the power lies in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":657.69,"endTime":661.44,"body":"every one of us to take our life"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":657.69,"endTime":661.44,"body":"by the horns. However, taking"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":661.44,"endTime":664.26,"body":"our life by the horns is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":661.44,"endTime":664.26,"body":"challenging when the past keeps"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":664.26,"endTime":668.25,"body":"showing up in a cyclical pattern"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":664.26,"endTime":668.25,"body":"that blocks progress. I can"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":668.25,"endTime":671.31,"body":"speak to my experience and how"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":668.25,"endTime":671.31,"body":"grief changed over the years,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":671.64,"endTime":675.93,"body":"and how it showed up in my life."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":671.64,"endTime":675.93,"body":"I want to read the caption to a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":675.93,"endTime":679.53,"body":"post I shared on social media"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":675.93,"endTime":679.53,"body":"that shares my experience with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":679.53,"endTime":684.3,"body":"how grief changed through the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":679.53,"endTime":684.3,"body":"decades. It reads, grief looks"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":684.3,"endTime":689.1,"body":"like difficulty making"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":684.3,"endTime":689.1,"body":"decisions, impulsive decisions,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":689.55,"endTime":693.93,"body":"and ability to get out of bed."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":689.55,"endTime":693.93,"body":"difficulty sleeping, risky"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":693.93,"endTime":699.9,"body":"behavior, frequent doctoring,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":693.93,"endTime":699.9,"body":"trust issues, chronic illness,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":700.44,"endTime":708.09,"body":"isolation, loss of faith, I'm"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":700.44,"endTime":708.09,"body":"fine, and addiction. There are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":708.09,"endTime":712.14,"body":"no stages of grief. That's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":708.09,"endTime":712.14,"body":"misinformation. I believe there"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":712.14,"endTime":715.68,"body":"are phases of it instead in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":712.14,"endTime":715.68,"body":"terms of how our lives reflect"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":715.68,"endTime":720.03,"body":"where we're at or in our grief."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":715.68,"endTime":720.03,"body":"Grief in my teen years looked a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":720.03,"endTime":726.36,"body":"lot like this anger. bingeing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":720.03,"endTime":726.36,"body":"alcohol, trust issues, lack of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":726.36,"endTime":731.22,"body":"deep connection with others,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":726.36,"endTime":731.22,"body":"isolation problems with food"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":731.22,"endTime":733.98,"body":"where I would teeter totter"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":731.22,"endTime":733.98,"body":"between making myself throw up"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":733.98,"endTime":738.72,"body":"to eating very little irritable"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":733.98,"endTime":738.72,"body":"bowel syndrome diagnosis,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":739.08,"endTime":743.55,"body":"difficulty getting out of bed,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":739.08,"endTime":743.55,"body":"school tardiness, to name a few."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":744.86,"endTime":748.55,"body":"grief for my young adult years"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":744.86,"endTime":748.55,"body":"book like unhealthy codependency"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":748.55,"endTime":754.1,"body":"relationships, angry outbursts,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":748.55,"endTime":754.1,"body":"lack of self control, alcohol"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":754.1,"endTime":758.66,"body":"abuse, work tardiness, multiple"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":754.1,"endTime":758.66,"body":"speeding tickets and fender"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":758.66,"endTime":763.61,"body":"benders, affection seeking lack"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":758.66,"endTime":763.61,"body":"of depth, depth and connection"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":763.61,"endTime":768.53,"body":"with myself and others. In"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":763.61,"endTime":768.53,"body":"decision approval seeking no"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":768.53,"endTime":772.52,"body":"faith, life and spiritual"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":768.53,"endTime":772.52,"body":"practice. I felt like my life"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":772.52,"endTime":775.43,"body":"was destined for disaster, but I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":772.52,"endTime":775.43,"body":"didn't know how to jump off the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":775.43,"endTime":779.66,"body":"train wreck. I sought help which"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":775.43,"endTime":779.66,"body":"didn't help. And I lacked"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":779.66,"endTime":782.84,"body":"someone holding me accountable"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":779.66,"endTime":782.84,"body":"for my actions and calling me"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":782.84,"endTime":787.7,"body":"out on my shit. Grief in my 30s"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":782.84,"endTime":787.7,"body":"manifested very differently. 30"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":787.7,"endTime":791.48,"body":"years post the death of my dad."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":787.7,"endTime":791.48,"body":"I was doctoring a lot for"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":791.48,"endTime":796.28,"body":"fibromyalgia like symptoms was"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":791.48,"endTime":796.28,"body":"dealing with hair loss, bowel"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":796.28,"endTime":801.11,"body":"issues. I even had colon polyps"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":796.28,"endTime":801.11,"body":"removed at the age of 32. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":801.11,"endTime":806.21,"body":"migraines, difficulty sleeping,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":801.11,"endTime":806.21,"body":"financial issues, self worth"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":806.21,"endTime":812.33,"body":"issues, menstrual issues, scary"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":806.21,"endTime":812.33,"body":"postpartum symptoms. I literally"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":812.33,"endTime":816.2,"body":"thought I was going crazy. I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":812.33,"endTime":816.2,"body":"felt out of my mind, and like my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":816.2,"endTime":820.55,"body":"body was waging war against me."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":816.2,"endTime":820.55,"body":"Grief in my 40s was where"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":820.55,"endTime":824.45,"body":"everything changed. My 39th"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":820.55,"endTime":824.45,"body":"birthday was the start of a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":824.45,"endTime":828.59,"body":"turning point. enough was"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":824.45,"endTime":828.59,"body":"enough. It was a final straw"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":828.59,"endTime":831.5,"body":"loss the month before my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":828.59,"endTime":831.5,"body":"birthday that brought up all of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":831.5,"endTime":835.37,"body":"the loss and trauma that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":831.5,"endTime":835.37,"body":"occurred before it. I chose to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":835.37,"endTime":838.07,"body":"follow my intuition towards"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":835.37,"endTime":838.07,"body":"something to help me put the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":838.07,"endTime":842.72,"body":"past to rest. And so far, I've"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":838.07,"endTime":842.72,"body":"experienced more breakthroughs,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":842.99,"endTime":847.64,"body":"growth, spiritual awakening,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":842.99,"endTime":847.64,"body":"life purpose and alignment in my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":847.64,"endTime":851.78,"body":"life than ever before. There are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":847.64,"endTime":851.78,"body":"different types of Grievers out"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":851.78,"endTime":855.98,"body":"there, that long haulers like"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":851.78,"endTime":855.98,"body":"me, which aren't Not to be"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":855.98,"endTime":860.96,"body":"confused or compared to COVID"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":855.98,"endTime":860.96,"body":"suffers, and some may have found"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":860.96,"endTime":864.08,"body":"themselves experiencing the loss"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":860.96,"endTime":864.08,"body":"of someone close for the first"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":864.08,"endTime":868.1,"body":"time. The key distinction"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":864.08,"endTime":868.1,"body":"between the two those that many"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":868.1,"endTime":871.1,"body":"long haul are great long haul"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":868.1,"endTime":871.1,"body":"Grievers don't believe they've"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":871.1,"endTime":874.64,"body":"had grief playing a role in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":871.1,"endTime":874.64,"body":"their lives. If you've"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":874.64,"endTime":878.15,"body":"experienced loss and trauma as a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":874.64,"endTime":878.15,"body":"kid, I assure you, you have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":878.15,"endTime":881.72,"body":"grief that's followed you into"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":878.15,"endTime":881.72,"body":"adulthood. That is unless you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":881.72,"endTime":886.19,"body":"received helpful mental health"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":881.72,"endTime":886.19,"body":"support and intervention early"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":886.19,"endTime":890.15,"body":"on when the experience took"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":886.19,"endTime":890.15,"body":"place. For many like myself,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":890.72,"endTime":894.95,"body":"that doesn't happen. When you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":890.72,"endTime":894.95,"body":"hear that, how is your grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":894.95,"endTime":899.18,"body":"changed over time? How has it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":894.95,"endTime":899.18,"body":"transformed and how it shows up"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":899.18,"endTime":901.88,"body":"in manifestation? Physically and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":899.18,"endTime":901.88,"body":"externally."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":903.22,"endTime":906.67,"body":"We have a lot of unlearning to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":903.22,"endTime":906.67,"body":"do as adults, as Nicky's and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":906.67,"endTime":910.48,"body":"Sandy's episodes both"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":906.67,"endTime":910.48,"body":"beautifully illustrate. The big"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":910.48,"endTime":915.52,"body":"question is, are you ready to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":910.48,"endTime":915.52,"body":"unlearn? And if not, how much"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":915.52,"endTime":919.96,"body":"time is too much to pass? When"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":915.52,"endTime":919.96,"body":"it comes to whole body health"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":919.96,"endTime":923.35,"body":"and wellness, we need to address"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":919.96,"endTime":923.35,"body":"the physical and mental body in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":923.35,"endTime":927.76,"body":"the spiritual and emotional body"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":923.35,"endTime":927.76,"body":"as well. Addressing only the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":927.76,"endTime":930.79,"body":"physical aspect will find you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":927.76,"endTime":930.79,"body":"repeating the same behaviors"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":930.79,"endTime":933.67,"body":"that first led to the physical"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":930.79,"endTime":933.67,"body":"issues like body image or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":933.67,"endTime":937.66,"body":"chronic illness in the first"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":933.67,"endTime":937.66,"body":"place. Likewise, if we only"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":937.66,"endTime":940.99,"body":"manage the mental without"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":937.66,"endTime":940.99,"body":"digging into the emotional."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":941.53,"endTime":946.0,"body":"Logic will win over the heart"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":941.53,"endTime":946.0,"body":"every time. It's likely why you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":946.0,"endTime":949.45,"body":"keep saying no to programs like"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":946.0,"endTime":949.45,"body":"grief recovery, that could be"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":949.45,"endTime":953.38,"body":"the transformative answer you've"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":949.45,"endTime":953.38,"body":"been searching for too. I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":953.38,"endTime":956.26,"body":"certified as a grief recovery"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":953.38,"endTime":956.26,"body":"methods specialist in March"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":956.29,"endTime":960.73,"body":"2019. In November of that same"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":956.29,"endTime":960.73,"body":"year, I gave it up cold turkey"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":960.73,"endTime":963.67,"body":"by utilizing grief recovery"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":960.73,"endTime":963.67,"body":"tools and working on the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":963.67,"endTime":968.26,"body":"relationship I had with alcohol."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":963.67,"endTime":968.26,"body":"People who know me may rebuke"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":968.26,"endTime":972.19,"body":"that and say, well, you weren't"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":968.26,"endTime":972.19,"body":"an alcoholic. I would have"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":972.19,"endTime":975.91,"body":"agreed with that before grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":972.19,"endTime":975.91,"body":"recovery. However, after grief"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":975.91,"endTime":979.81,"body":"recovery, I know that it was an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":975.91,"endTime":979.81,"body":"addiction like anything else. I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":979.81,"endTime":983.11,"body":"was a binge drinker that didn't"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":979.81,"endTime":983.11,"body":"know when to stop. That was"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":983.11,"endTime":987.43,"body":"always an issue for me. I also"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":983.11,"endTime":987.43,"body":"used alcohol to feel comfortable"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":987.43,"endTime":992.53,"body":"in my own skin. I didn't feel"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":987.43,"endTime":992.53,"body":"like who I was was enough. I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":992.53,"endTime":995.95,"body":"needed to be the happy go lucky"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":992.53,"endTime":995.95,"body":"fun friend that people enjoyed"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":995.95,"endTime":1000.33,"body":"being around. However, what I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":995.95,"endTime":1000.33,"body":"became was obnoxious, the"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1000.33,"endTime":1005.67,"body":"opposite of who I am. I am sure"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1000.33,"endTime":1005.67,"body":"I was fun too. But I spent many"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1005.67,"endTime":1010.77,"body":"many days paying for it. Alcohol"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1005.67,"endTime":1010.77,"body":"always made me feel very ill no"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1010.77,"endTime":1014.46,"body":"matter what I drink, and I would"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1010.77,"endTime":1014.46,"body":"need a good two days to recover"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1014.46,"endTime":1019.89,"body":"from a weekend bender. I carried"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1014.46,"endTime":1019.89,"body":"a lot of shame to my kids saw me"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1019.89,"endTime":1024.48,"body":"many times hung over more times"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1019.89,"endTime":1024.48,"body":"than I care to count. on days"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1024.48,"endTime":1026.64,"body":"where parenting felt"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1024.48,"endTime":1026.64,"body":"overwhelming, including"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1026.64,"endTime":1029.67,"body":"weekdays, it wasn't unusual that"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1026.64,"endTime":1029.67,"body":"I would drink a bottle of wine"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1029.67,"endTime":1033.51,"body":"before supper. When I would"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1029.67,"endTime":1033.51,"body":"grill I would have a couple of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1033.51,"endTime":1037.38,"body":"drinks and a buzz going. But by"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1033.51,"endTime":1037.38,"body":"the time we sat down to eat, and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1037.38,"endTime":1040.68,"body":"I also drove more times than I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1037.38,"endTime":1040.68,"body":"should have while intoxicated."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1041.49,"endTime":1045.6,"body":"Something I had to face head on"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1041.49,"endTime":1045.6,"body":"in my shame as well. Because I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1045.6,"endTime":1049.53,"body":"didn't only go alone, there are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1045.6,"endTime":1049.53,"body":"many times I drove drunk with my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1049.53,"endTime":1055.83,"body":"kids in the vehicle. And I hit"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1049.53,"endTime":1055.83,"body":"all of this very well. Shame is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1055.83,"endTime":1059.7,"body":"a massive driver for continual"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1055.83,"endTime":1059.7,"body":"harmful behavior that we inflict"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1059.7,"endTime":1063.81,"body":"on ourselves. The mom wine"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1059.7,"endTime":1063.81,"body":"culture that perpetuates this"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1063.81,"endTime":1067.05,"body":"idea that women or parents need"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1063.81,"endTime":1067.05,"body":"alcohol to cope with life is a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1067.05,"endTime":1071.55,"body":"disastrous message to send. I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1067.05,"endTime":1071.55,"body":"used to be in that click too."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1072.24,"endTime":1075.99,"body":"Fortunately, I didn't have to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1072.24,"endTime":1075.99,"body":"learn the most horrifying impact"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1076.02,"endTime":1080.46,"body":"and lesson of my decisions. So"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1076.02,"endTime":1080.46,"body":"if you're listening to this an"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1080.46,"endTime":1084.0,"body":"alcohol is how you're coping."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1080.46,"endTime":1084.0,"body":"Ask yourself what I asked"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1084.0,"endTime":1092.07,"body":"myself. Why do I think I need"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1084.0,"endTime":1092.07,"body":"booze to feel blank? insert"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1092.07,"endTime":1095.28,"body":"whatever word resonates with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1092.07,"endTime":1095.28,"body":"you. If you're saying to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1095.28,"endTime":1098.43,"body":"yourself, you don't need it,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1095.28,"endTime":1098.43,"body":"then the next question to ask"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1098.43,"endTime":1103.62,"body":"yourself is then why don't I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1098.43,"endTime":1103.62,"body":"eliminate it from my life?. Or"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1103.62,"endTime":1108.03,"body":"perhaps stick to the commitment"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1103.62,"endTime":1108.03,"body":"of one and done. My journal"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1108.03,"endTime":1110.73,"body":"through these questions in"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1108.03,"endTime":1110.73,"body":"thought a lot about the message"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1110.73,"endTime":1114.84,"body":"around alcohol that I want my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1110.73,"endTime":1114.84,"body":"kids to receive. because growing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1114.84,"endTime":1119.28,"body":"up in small town, rural America,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1114.84,"endTime":1119.28,"body":"there isn't much to do. I grew"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1119.28,"endTime":1122.61,"body":"up in this area too. And that's"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1119.28,"endTime":1122.61,"body":"what kids did. Back when I was"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1122.61,"endTime":1126.21,"body":"growing up and they still do"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1122.61,"endTime":1126.21,"body":"they go to parties. Now I'm not"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1126.21,"endTime":1130.23,"body":"naive to the fact my kids will"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1126.21,"endTime":1130.23,"body":"never drink or even try it. But"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1130.23,"endTime":1134.04,"body":"by having the conversation and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1130.23,"endTime":1134.04,"body":"setting an example, I'm doing my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1134.04,"endTime":1137.16,"body":"part and holding up my end of"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1134.04,"endTime":1137.16,"body":"the bargain of what I signed up"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1137.16,"endTime":1140.64,"body":"for when I chose to become a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1137.16,"endTime":1140.64,"body":"parent and that is to lead by"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1140.64,"endTime":1144.72,"body":"example. This realisation was"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1140.64,"endTime":1144.72,"body":"not an easy thing for me to come"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1144.72,"endTime":1148.41,"body":"to. And again, I had to work on"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1144.72,"endTime":1148.41,"body":"that relationship to alcohol"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1148.44,"endTime":1152.34,"body":"because it truly is a"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1148.44,"endTime":1152.34,"body":"relationship. Grief recovery"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1152.34,"endTime":1156.15,"body":"helped me transform it and rid"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1152.34,"endTime":1156.15,"body":"me of the shame, guilt and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1156.15,"endTime":1160.8,"body":"beliefs I carried about myself"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1156.15,"endTime":1160.8,"body":"as a mom, woman, friend and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1160.8,"endTime":1165.06,"body":"spouse because of alcohol. No"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1160.8,"endTime":1165.06,"body":"matter the vise in your life,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1165.09,"endTime":1170.37,"body":"whether it be anger, meth,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1165.09,"endTime":1170.37,"body":"alcohol, we all have them. I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1170.37,"endTime":1173.97,"body":"hope this episode sheds light on"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1170.37,"endTime":1173.97,"body":"just how much unlearning you may"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1173.97,"endTime":1179.04,"body":"have to do. Whatever healing"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1173.97,"endTime":1179.04,"body":"modality keeps nudging at you. I"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1179.04,"endTime":1183.63,"body":"hope that you're open to being"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1179.04,"endTime":1183.63,"body":"led resiliency and self reliance"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1183.66,"endTime":1187.8,"body":"that so many child Grievers are"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1183.66,"endTime":1187.8,"body":"equipped with, or no reason to"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1187.8,"endTime":1192.42,"body":"not seek help. Your greatness"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1187.8,"endTime":1192.42,"body":"awaits on the other side of your"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1192.42,"endTime":1194.85,"body":"pain. Trust me. Well,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1194.869,"endTime":1198.949,"body":"that is today's episode. Thank"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1194.869,"endTime":1198.949,"body":"you so much for tuning in."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1199.069,"endTime":1203.869,"body":"Please be sure To listen to Nick"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1199.069,"endTime":1203.869,"body":"Nikki's Episode Episode 31 and"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1203.869,"endTime":1209.809,"body":"Sandy's episode, which is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1203.869,"endTime":1209.809,"body":"Episode 32. And until next time,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1210.139,"endTime":1214.249,"body":"when you unleash your heart, you"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1210.139,"endTime":1214.249,"body":"unleash your life. Much love."},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1224.599,"endTime":1228.259,"body":"From my heart to yours, thank"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1224.599,"endTime":1228.259,"body":"you for listening. If you liked"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1228.259,"endTime":1232.879,"body":"this episode, please share it"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1228.259,"endTime":1232.879,"body":"because Sharing is caring. And"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1232.879,"endTime":1236.419,"body":"until next time, give and share"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1232.879,"endTime":1236.419,"body":"compassion by being hurt with"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1236.419,"endTime":1240.559,"body":"yours. And if you're hurting,"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1236.419,"endTime":1240.559,"body":"know that what you're feeling is"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1240.559,"endTime":1243.919,"body":"normal and natural. Much love my"},{"speaker":"Victoria Volk","startTime":1240.559,"endTime":1243.919,"body":"friend."}]}