In this first Q&A episode, Ruth asks why she's struggling more with her spouse's death than the death of her parents.
In my response, I share a perspective you may find helpful when considering your losses.
Whether you've been married for five, fifteen, or forty years, or your parents died when you were young or in your fifties, death may finalize the physical relationship; however, the emotional relationship carries on.
I'd love to answer your question on the podcast. Submit your Q to my email at victoria@theunleashedheart.com with "Q for Grieving Voices" in the subject line. I will only use your first name -- or no name if you prefer!
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
What is to come in 2023 for Grieving Voices? Tune in to this episode to find out all of the details.
Before you listen, I want to share that this episode came to be after months and months of stewing and contemplation, trying to logically come to a resolution of what to do about Grieving Voices. Should I stop podcasting? Take a sabbatical? I wasn't sure, and the answer certainly was not coming to me quickly, at least one that felt entirely right. And I realize that's because I was solely relying more on logic and less on my heart.
So, with focused attention and intention, I went on a silent retreat for 15 minutes (i.e., meditating without any background sound). I set an intention going into it, and the answers to the questions came to me quickly and effortlessly. If you've never tried this, I highly recommend it. I've meditated many times; however, setting an intention first adds an intangible, powerful energy to the process.
Moving forward, I will be working on a project to bring how grievers turned their pain into purpose in a way that serves humanity and society as a whole. They have created a non-profit, not-for-profit, foundation, organization, or form of technology. These episodes will be "Pain to Purpose" episodes. The intention is to share these resources I find with you while bringing hope in what's possible when we embrace the pain and mold it into something new. Doing so can be so healing, not only for yourself but also for others on a bigger scale. These are stories of creating positive ripples despite the grief.
GUEST REQUEST: If you have turned your pain into purpose by creating a non-profit, not-for-profit organization, foundation, or technology and are willing to share your personal story of the journey to doing so, please apply to be a guest!
Another aspect of the podcast moving forward will be to follow up with previous guests from the past two and a half years in "Where Are They Now" episodes.
And finally, shorts on answering listeners' questions in "My A to Your Q" episodes. I'm not committing to an episode every Tuesday, but if there is a new episode, it will still go live on Tuesdays.
Also, listen to this week's episode, where I share some behind-the-scenes life stuff with a few lessons thrown in for good measure. I ask a question, too, that is perfect for a New Year episode!
I hope you stick with me if you've been around a while or are a new listener. I'm excited to shake things up for the podcast in 2023! Let's create some 2023 magic! ✨
RESOURCES:
- Grieving Voices Episode on STERBs
- Passion Planner (receive $5 off with this link!
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Preve
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
What does family mean to you?
Who makes up your family? Not only those you claim by blood but those you choose, who show up when life throws curveballs?
There are reasons to grieve family; the family you wish you had and even the family you may wish you didn't have, too. We can't choose our family, but we have a say in their role in our lives. And, when a family is made up of less-than-loving relationships, we can even choose to fill the needs of our hearts by choosing to have people in our lives who feel like family.
Relationships are complicated enough, however, add in family dynamics, and emotions can often run high. What do you do when that happens? In this episode, I explore these questions and more!
RESOURCES:
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
When you fill out your calendar, do you intentionally set time aside to reflect and for introspection? Probably not. Most of us don't do so. However, as Kevin shares in this episode, doing so for his grief has made all of the difference in his life.
Kevin speaks to the cumulative losses of his career, his father, his mother, and subsequent divorce. He also shares the impact of having a small nuclear family and missing out on a larger, extended family community growing up.
We often don't think about how our nuclear family of origin impacts our grief. However, it has everything to do with how we respond to it. Kevin grew up, as many of us do, unable to express his grief. As a result, it manifested in different ways. That is until he discovered the work of Grief Recovery. Kevin shares his experience working with me, addressing his grief through my program Do Grief Differently.
Learn through our conversation how, as a male and someone who has experienced various losses, it is possible to recover from all of the emotions that make up grief; anger, sadness, bitterness, and everything in between.
RESOURCES:
- Entrepreneurship Lives Here Podcast Interview with Victoria Volk
- Bryn Edwards with Victoria Volk Podcast Interview
- Book, Hold On To Your Kids
- The Social Dilemma
- The Emotional Wheel
- Empathy | The Cost of Dying Report
- Do Grief Differently™️ with Victoria Volk
CONNECT:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Grief is cumulative, and it's cumulatively negative. Every loss we experience stacks on top of those before it. For Genesis Amaris Kemp, attending funerals started becoming a regular occurrence. Add the loss of loved ones before the Covid pandemic (and during) to the loss of a job during the same timeframe, and it can be challenging to find solid footing. Additionally, learning, for the first time, how to advocate for a parent in the healthcare system posed its challenges during this same period.
Genesis's father walked into a hospital with elevated blood sugar. Three days later, he was paralyzed from the waist down, which was later identified to have occurred from a stroke. Additionally, he endured several other complications during his hospital stay that later caused a quick decline in health and, soon after, his death.
Trying to be a caregiver during Covid proved to show the disparity and gaps in the healthcare system. In addition to the losses she endured during the pandemic, she also was laid off from her corporate job in oil and gas. Genesis shares her experience of being a young black woman in a predominantly older white demographic of employment, describing that experience and sharing how one conversation with the company VP, and the experience as a whole, was empowering, heartbreaking, and eye-opening all at the same time.
The Covid Pandemic showed us where we have a lot of work and repair to do within the healthcare system and how we live and work as a society. Genesis shares the lessons she learned during this timeframe and how she's become impassioned in serving others with what she's learned.
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Was your childhood filled with joy and surrounded by love and support? There may have been some challenging times for your parents or even for you, but what if you indeed did have the ideal life?
Dan's childhood was amazing. So when grief hit home hard, and hard it did, he was ill-prepared. He had experienced the death of his grandparents, but even then, there was little discussion about death or grief. His parents did their best to shelter him and his siblings from the sorrows of life.
So when his father was dying of cancer, there was a strong message shared by his father and other loved ones that his father would get through it, that he would beat cancer. And when the next cancer treatment worked, they would take that amazing family vacation. However, that family vacation never happened.
Before Dan turned 20, his father died. And, before his 25th birthday, his mother would also die of cancer, the kind that's hard to pronounce and little known about. What are the odds?
Rather than taking those odds and allowing them to destroy his life, Dan took the advice his mother gave him before she died that shook him straight and went on a quest for healing.
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Melissa's episode embodies several different ways one may experience grief. And as she shares each story, she also provides insight into loss from her perspective as a clinical psychologist.
At age 4, her older sister (age 7) died of leukemia. Melissa's earliest memories are related to her sister battling leukemia for eighteen months and being bounced from house to house while her parents were away with her older sister for her healthcare.
And, once her sister died, life went on as if it had never happened. Many peers didn't even know she had a sister until she was in high school. Her sister's death was something that was not talked about.
Once a young adult, grief was once again a part of her life when her grandfather passed away. It would be the first time she and her sister would begin to talk about their grief from the past and present with each other.
However, grief would knock on Melissa's door not once, not twice, but five more times. When Melissa was 25, her mother died unexpectedly at age 51 of a heart attack. Even more heartbreaking in that loss was that she and her mother had had a falling out eight months before her mother's passing, only adding to her grief.
Seven months later, her younger sister of a pulmonary embolism. She would then experience three miscarriages before welcoming a healthy baby boy after a challenging and trying pregnancy, where she managed to carry her son to 36 weeks gestation.
Melissa goes on to share how not all grief requires medication. She provides insight into her belief around this (a belief we both share) and the four women personality types that women (moms without moms, in particular) would benefit from having in their lives.
This is an episode that moms without moms (due to a myriad of circumstances) would benefit from hearing, and anyone who has experienced devastating loss or trauma as a child.
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
We are all going to die. However, none of us know when, although some may know how (as with a terminal illness).
One thing we can do for ourselves and our loved ones, not knowing when our last day will come, is to prepare for it. We will spare our loved ones from making many complex (and conflicting) decisions. You can be your own hero and that of your loved ones by taking ownership of your life as you're living and in death.
Being your own hero means that sometimes, it pays to take chances and take your shot. It means advocating for yourself, creating boundaries, and accepting the consequences of your choices. It's an act of choosing what is in your best interest and of service to your well-being.
Being your hero demonstrates self-love and, in turn, shows others what's possible too.
No one can live your life for you; unless you do something about it, others will undoubtedly plan your exit, which may or may match your end-of-life wishes. And we are so afraid to talk about death and have these very important issues with loved ones.
This begs the question, are we more afraid of dying or living?
RESOURCES:
________
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Tim's grief was compounded by the loss of his best friend and then-wife within a year of each other. It's enough to send anyone into a tailspin as it did for Tim.
He found himself at the lowest point in his life. Grief-stricken, he found solace in a bottle until a friend asked him if he thought he had been drinking too much. From then on, he considered his path and decided to change his approach to life.
Love found him where he least expected it; in the arms of the widow of his deceased best friend. He and his now wife found themselves in the same grief boat and decided to give love a chance - to give their capacity to love a chance.
In this episode, Tim shares how grief from past experiences of losing the people closest to him shaped his outlook on life. Additionally, he shares how his experiences serving in the British military gave him a unique perspective on life.
Love helped to turn Tim's life around. More importantly, however, his renewed hope and outlook opened his heart to life again.
"Life's too short to muck about. You need to do as much as you can with what life you've got."
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
________
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
According to Johns Hopkins, 240,000 medical error deaths occur every year. Betsy learned that when it comes to the healthcare system and being a caregiver, becoming informed and a fierce advocate is the only option.
Betsy learned real-life experience about medical advocacy while her husband survived prostate cancer, only to be diagnosed with bone marrow cancer five years later. Four years after his bone marrow cancer diagnosis, he passed away.
Within six months of his passing, she went against the advice generally given to widows not to make any big decisions the first year and sold her home and moved. But her move wasn't to start over or escape; rather, she was moving toward support and people who knew her. In her words, she moved to where her "colonoscopy friends" were.
Once she was surrounded by everything familiar, the loss of her husband hit hard, and she sought weekly support from a grief therapist. Through that support, she navigated the devastating loss of her husband, Jack.
What followed was a strong desire to write a book that could offer support to other caregivers navigating the healthcare system. Through her writing, she shares with others the lessons she learned, caregiver tips, and practical advice for becoming the best advocate you can be for your loved one.
Not everyone is assertive or forward in their approach to situations. And Betsy learned that southern charm and politeness don't move others to action. She has made it her mission to help others find their own inner bulldog. Because, when it comes to those you love, or yourself, there will never be anyone who cares more than you.
RESOURCES:
- Book | The Patient Advocacy Handbook: Empowering You to Boldly Navigate the Healthcare System
- The Grief Recovery Institute Grief Index Study
- Empathy App | The Cost of Dying Report
CONNECT:
________
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
What do you want to happen if you are incapacitated while on your deathbed or after you die? If you don't have a will, that decision may be left up to the state.
These are big questions that often don't have answers for those who are left behind. In the most emotional moments, the family is left to make decisions that weren't theirs. Each of us has a responsibility, not only to ourselves but those who would be left behind, to address our matters before those things are left to someone else to decide for us.
With a lack of preparation, this is the position we put our loved ones in, and it happens because we have an aversion to discussing these sensitive issues with those we love.
We don't like to think about the end of our lives. However, considering we may not know when that is, preparation negates some of the pain for those left behind in the wake of loss. For those who may be struggling with terminal illness/diagnosis, it's imperative to address as many of the topics as possible that Jen and I discuss in this episode.
As a lawyer and seminary-trained pastor-type who specializes in creating wills and trusts for families, this is one conversation everyone needs to hear. Jen creates comprehensive plans through her values-based approach and helps clients reflect on their legacies and relationships.
In this episode, you will learn the two mistakes most people make regarding estate planning and much more!
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
________
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
There are two camps of grievers; those who talk about their grief and share their stories and those who keep their grief and stories hidden.
Regardless of the camp, you find yourself in, there is one common denominator that is often present with most, if not all, grievers - anger.
There is a caveat to sharing your story, though. As we look for meaning in our experiences, including those that cause us grief, we can find ourselves repeating the story without ever getting into how the experience made us feel.
Depending on the grief experience, we may disassociate ourselves from those experiences, never feeling the feelings, and recite what happened when speaking our stories to others as if it were a recipe card. Repeating only the story does nothing to help us move forward in our lives -- to move beyond the story.
Anger adds to the feeling of powerlessness over something that cannot be changed or undone. It can impact our spirituality, too. And, if we pay attention to when anger shows up for us, it informs us where our attention to the pain needs to be.
Over time, anger resulting from grief can chip away at our souls, our spirituality, and the essence of who we are. However, through Kim, Scott, and Christian's stories, we learn how sitting in the emotional pain (and the anger) can be the fuel and the catalyst for change and growth.
If you are struggling with your grief, listen to this episode and then take a moment to reflect on your spirituality, anger, and the story you have lived.
What has your grief (and anger) been trying to tell you?
________
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Christian is one of nine children born and raised in Cuba during turbulent times and in the Catholic faith.
His parents instilled in him the importance of excelling and reading. These early lessons laid a foundation. However, those lessons also set the stage for a desire to escape and not be seen.
Introversion and depression plagued his adolescence, as was his knowledge of being gay. With courage, he came out to his family. Christian speaks about this challenging time in his life and the ones that came to be in the future, including the recent (and unexpected) decline of his mother's cognitive health.
Through his breath and deep, internal work, Christian paved a path to personal empowerment and now leads others in doing the same. Through the lens of 30+ years of experience, he shares two of the biggest hurdles others have to personal freedom and empowerment.
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
________
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Less than 1% of Americans serve in the U.S. military. That leaves 99% of Americans who will never understand the cost of serving their country, particularly during wartime.
Scott shares his path to emotional freedom from the scars of war after deploying to Afghanistan with his brother, Steven. Rather than Scott celebrating homecoming with his brother, he accompanied Steven, killed in action, in a casket draped with the American flag.
Although Scott was scheduled to return to Afghanistan two short weeks after his brother's funeral, the mayor of Connecticut declared that he would not return to duty with his National Guard unit in Afghanistan because the family should have to endure the potential of another loss.
But there is so much more to Scott's story. Because coming home after being in a war, doesn't necessarily feel like you're home. Scott put his grief to the side and picked up anger, and over the years, his grief ate away the core of his very being. He became someone he didn't recognize. His drinking got out of control, along with his anger, and he realized he could no longer go it alone and sought support.
Like many grievers and veterans, Scott thought he was doing okay after a couple of years of therapy and stopped going. However, a life-threatening event with his spouse would occur, and he would later find his old patterns resurfacing. He sought support again and learned that growth and healing are ongoing processes.
Whether you've served in the military, know or love someone who is serving or has served, or not, please listen to Scott's story. It may help bring a deeper understanding of the scars and costs of war - and America's 1%.
RESOURCES:
- Podcast | Drive On Podcast
- Book | Surviving Son: An Afghanistan War Veteran Reveals His Nightmare Of Becoming A Gold Star Brother
- Veteran Resources
CONNECT:
The real divide in the U.S. is that only one percent of us fight in war, and the rest don't understand the true cost of conflict. - an op-ed piece by "60 Minutes" producer Henry Schuster, Operation Proper Exit
______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
CONNECT WITH
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Every human being experiences trauma to some degree. We don't have to experience "Big T Traumas" for those experiences to leave an imprint on our hearts and bodies.
At age 5, Kimberly had such an experience after witnessing her father physically abuse her mother while she and her older sibling were present. And, because they were in a vehicle, there was nowhere to run or hide. Afterward, her father dropped off her mother and sibling at a family member's home. On the other hand, Kimberly was taken by her father to sleep elsewhere and away from her family, with terror in her body and fear in her heart. From that day forward, Kimberly's life changed forever.
Kimberly was left in the care of her father's sister and husband, where Kimberly went from a family unit of four and an older sibling she adored to becoming an only child. She became estranged from her immediate biological family in an instant. Her older sister remained with their parents and experienced the addition of more siblings that came along over the years that Kim had no part of, too, which only added to her grief over the years.
Defining moments like these shape the rest of our lives and impact who we become and how we show up in the world. Kimberly had to learn how to build her self-esteem, that self-love is the best love, and that she was worthy of love no matter what she did or didn't do for others.
Kimberly shares a lesson her adopted father shared with her: "Stand for something, or you'll fall for anything." I believe Kimberly did just that by finding and sharing her voice.
RESOURCES:
- Book, The Epitome of Kimmy: Accept & Embrace It All
- Website (Free Affirmations)
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE! ⬅️
- Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
- Purchase
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
People say you have to move on or that you should "be over it by now." However, no one tells you or shows you how to do it.
For me, after struggling to get beyond the pain of my trauma and losses for 30+ years, the Grief Recovery Method was the how.
Naysayers and doubters are welcome. 🤗 I was a skeptic, too. How could a process or method help me move on from the pain after sitting in it for 30+ years?
I went into it with some doubt, convinced I would, at the very least, learn new tools, knowledge, and information I could use to help others. However, what I got was so much more. The program and my experience through it (albeit emotionally challenging and, at times, draining) exceeded my expectations.
In this week's episode, I explore the phrase "How To Grieve..." We all find our way through the messiness of life and the grief that comes with it. However, what if there was an evidence-based process that cuts through the crap, gets to the heart of the story of what happened (the emotion and what's emotionally incomplete as a result), and brings with it peace within at the end of it. What would that experience be worth to you? Furthermore, what is doing nothing, or what you've always done, costing you?
RESOURCES:
- NPR Article
- Do Grief Differently™️
- Ep 115 | Martika Whylly
- Ep 116 | Reid Peterson
- Ep 117 | Phil Cohen
- Virgin River
______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE! ⬅️
SUPPORT THE SHOW:
- Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
- Purchase my published book about my grief journey.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
They say it's unnatural to lose a child. And, there's no word for a parent who has lost a child other than griever, which somehow doesn't embody all a parent experiences—much less childless parents.
What is a word for a parent whose only child dies?
As it turns out, there's maybe only one that might describe that inconsolable feeling - lost.
Phil found himself lost in an ocean of tears after his only son, Perry, 14 1/2 years old, and his friend became victims of a storm that came out of nowhere while fishing on their 19' fishing boat off the Jupiter inlet in Jupiter, Florida. It was a beautiful summer day that turned treacherous on July 24th, 2015, and it was a day that changed the trajectory of Phil's life forever, as grief does.
The waves and tides of the ocean are often an analogy used for grief. There is irony in Phil's story of how he lost his only son, never to be found. However, what Phil did find was his voice, a calling in his pain, and lessons in the heartache along the way.
Phil lives his life as if it were a love letter, continually being written to his beloved and only son. Although it's a letter, he would rather not be (metaphorically) writing, and he would change that day if he could, knowing that healing is the only thing he can do about it.
Phil has chosen to listen to his son's voice, which he believes he heard one night while crying alone: "Get up, dad!"
May this episode inspire others, especially if you've lost a child, to come to terms with what happened and what you cannot change, and dare to GET UP and do something about it now.
RESOURCES:
- TEDx Talk | When I Lost My Only Child
- The work of Elisabeth Kubler Ross | The Five Stages of Grief®
CONNECT:
______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are HERE.
Are you enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE! ⬅️
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Reid is the creator of the Grief Refuge app and supports grievers through publishing daily audio messages that soothe and comfort people pained by grief.
Grief is something Reid grew up knowing well. As a young adult, his biological father, who struggled with alcohol abuse, died by suicide. Fortunately, his stepfather came into his life as a child and was a positive influence.
However, grief would strike hard when his stepfather passed away after a long, eight-year battle with cancer. And, Reid would learn, for the first time, the difference between grief and mourning.
By the time his stepfather had passed away, he had also experienced the loss of friends due to cancer and suicide. However, it was the loss of his stepfather that would be the loss that would shape him to become a helper of grievers and strive to be the best husband he could be.
We often underestimate our impact and influence on other people's lives. And, as a society, we don't make a point to articulate to others what they mean to us or the positive influence and impact they have.
Grief cracks us open, but usually after losing someone we love. What if we challenged ourselves to be cracked open by the love we are given here and now? Then, reflect that back to those who give it by sharing, vulnerably, what that love means to us while the other person can hear it.
Let this episode inspire you to share how much the people (and the love and positive influence they have) in your life mean to you.
RESOURCES:
- Grief Refuge App
- Website | Grief Refuge
CONNECT:
______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are HERE.
Enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE! ⬅️
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
They say it's unnatural for a parent to outlive and bury a child. Likewise, it's not natural for a child to bury their parent.
There is no hierarchy of loss. We all grieve at 100%, and there are no half-grievers. Therefore, all losses are felt at 100%, too. So, who's to say what loss is worse than the next? However, for a moment, put yourself in the shoes of a child who buries a parent. Often, there's another parent in the wings to comfort and console the child. But that's not always the case.
Martika's mother completed suicide when she was 15. And this experience followed a circumstance of abuse in the home at the hands of Martika's stepfather. So, by the time she experienced the death of her mother, she had plenty of grief she was trying to deal with already.
The loss of her mother would lead Martika down a dark path of suicidal ideation. All the while, her grandparents passed away, and she found her biological father. However, when she found her father, she learned he died two days before.
With the loss of everyone she cared about, though, she did gain a whole family - her biological father's family. But, as life does, it includes death, and Martika lost another special person in her life, her young cousin, by suicide.
Martika had to learn to surrender, and once she did, she found ways to strengthen her faith and spiritual life and gain a renewed sense of hope. She shares things that helped her along her path and lessons that have helped her to remain present while she longs for the after-party that awaits her when she'll be united with those she loves once again.
When the dominos of loss fall, perhaps it will help you to know that you can't kill energy, as Martika shared. You also can't take from someone who also has. And from Martika's experience, it is possible to grieve with ease.
RESOURCES:
- Book | Having Fun With God: A Book Report for Miss Winfrey
- Podcast | Grieve with Ease
- Book by Don Miguel Ruiz | The Mastery of Love
CONNECT:
- Website | Grieve with Ease
______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are HERE.
Enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Finding our way home to self is the journey we’re all on in the physical plain. So that hopefully, when our time is drawing near, we will have experienced a life well-lived. A life filled with joy and more importantly, one of peace.
In this week's episode, I share a bit about my journey finding my way home back to myself. And also discuss the stories of the three previous guests and a snippet of how they have been journeying home to themselves.
I don't know that we ever fully "arrive" at feeling completely healed. There's always more to discover. There's always something that rubs us wrong that others do or say, which start to have less and less affect on us as we connect more deeply to ourselves.
Additionally, there's always going to be grief and loss that will likely, for a time, send us in a tailspin. We have to learn to recalibrate and get back on track again. How we do that will vary from person to person. And, the why behind doing so is often the first step in doing anything about our current emotional condition.
In doing nothing, there is much to lose - even if you don't feel like there is.
We are all a piece in someone else's puzzle.
______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE! ⬅️
SUPPORT THE SHOW:
- Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
- Purchase my published book about my grief journey.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Ram Dass Khalsa is a singer-songwriter who, through the loss of his newborn son to Trisomy-18, learned how to write a new song as he learned how to grieve healthily.
It would take Ram Dass several years to learn what it means to grieve healthily, and growing up with "yogi" parents, taught him the importance of being in his body. However, he never learned how to be with his feelings.
Ram Dass and his partner knew they were expecting challenges ahead. At twenty weeks pregnant, they learned their baby boy would not thrive very long once he was born. Going against the recommendation of abortion, they felt it was important that they go through the process of his birth and his death.
They weren't expecting their son to live a full day. Instead, they got to experience his life for three. After his death, everyone had their individual grief experiences, and it became emotionally too much for Ram Dass and his partner, and ultimately, they parted ways.
And thus, a new chapter of Ram Dass's life and music began.
Even when we expect a loss to occur, there are no words or actions that can fully prepare a heart to say goodbye to another. The finality of death isn't felt until the moment it happens. And for some, including Ram Dass, grief and loss become a pivotal experience that changes one's life -- for the better.
RESOURCES:
- EP | And Now He Has Wings
- Song | "Elegy for a Yellow Bird"
- Song | "The Water Poem"
- Medicine Path
- Rachel Kaplan | Emotional Potty Training Program
CONNECT:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Imagine identifying your parent for a crime, knowing that what you disclose will send your only parent to prison. Imagine moving 11x by the time you were in the 5th grade. And imagine being the child of a parent who, for most of your childhood, was struggling with undiagnosed bipolar disorder.
Kyira was no stranger to chaos and uneasiness. She was the only child of a parent who turned to substances to cope with her mental health challenges and, in many ways, was the adult in the relationship. Perhaps to compensate for her shortcomings, her mother had no boundaries in her parenting, and Kyira pretty much dictated many decisions that had to be made; from which bedroom she got to have in a new place to if a man would get a second date with her mom, the buck stopped with Kyira.
What you may think would lead to entitlement instead laid the foundation for Kyira to be a high-performing, academically thriving student who would develop an eating disorder for eight years.
There are many twists and turns in Kyira's story. And what's most fascinating about Kyira's story is how she managed to go from being collateral damage to rising from the ashes of the adversity she experienced in her life.
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE! ⬅️
SUPPORT THE SHOW:
- Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
- Purchase my published book about my grief journey.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
We all have intuition. And we all have the power to tap into the intuition within us, too.
However, sometimes our intuition doesn't feel good to us. As was the case the day that Stephanie's father wasn't coming home as was expected. She looked out the window, saw his car but didn't see him and instinctively knew something wasn't right.
At the age of 15, Stephanie found her father dead. The reminder was constantly there from that day forward, not only of his absence in her life but also the trauma of that day so close to home.
Life was a rollercoaster from then on, a life of partying, drinking, and working hard at burying that day in her psyche altogether. But as grief does, it spills out into all areas of our lives. Such was the case with her first two marriages, where she would see patterns repeating in her life and ultimately found the courage to seek help through Alcoholics Anonymous and get out of an abusive marriage.
After getting sober at the age of 24, her past began to resurface - and so did the memories she had long-buried.
You don't get a course in life when you are born. - Stephanie Cerins
Isn't that the truth?
We are all learning as we go. Through the trials, tribulations, and grief packed into it all - it is through life experience we grow in wisdom. And it is through the wisdom we glean from our lives that we can be of service to others. That is exactly what Stephanie has done in her life.
One of Stephanie's greatest lessons in A.A. was that no matter how big of a mess you are, you can still help someone.
RESOURCES:
- Book, Healing My Heart, After A Loss: Affirmations That Encourage Me To Feel & Heal My Grief
- HeartMath.org
CONNECT:
______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE! ⬅️
SUPPORT THE SHOW:
- Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
- Purchase my publishe
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
This week's episode is an invitation to look at how you had been mothered and nurtured by your mother (or mother figure) as a child and how that has influenced you today.
I also bring Mother Nature into the conversation because what Mother Nature gives us is a great analogy, in general, for the topic of experiencing mothering and nurturing.
When was the last time you gave yourself, as an adult, what you never received as a child?
This conversation is less about self-care and more about something deeper - an experience of loving unconditionally and receiving wholeheartedly, so much so that it is transformative.
A mother's love, or motherly love, has the potential to be transformative. Listen to this week's episode, and then sit with what comes up for you. Then contemplate how you can utilize mothering and nurturing energy to transform your life and the inner child in you that craves it.
RESOURCES:
______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
Enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE! ⬅️
SUPPORT THE SHOW:
- Rate & Review: Apple Podcasts
- Purchase my published book about my grief journey.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Were you born and raised in the land of the free and home of the brave, the United States of America?
This week's episode reminds me that oppression and enslavement are not only in Yemen, where this week's guest was born but also in the free world. It just looks different from what Maha experienced.
Ironically, Maha fled Yemen, where she experienced oppression, enslavement, arranged marriage twice that included violence and rape, and two civil wars in search of a better (more free) life in America. A life where she could purchase a dress for the first time and make everyday decisions for herself without her father's dictatorship and abuse from her mother.
This episode begs the question: Where is freedom truly found; is it a state of mind? Or is it simply where your feet touch the ground?
It depends on who you ask. Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said: "It is not freedom from conditions, but it is the freedom to take a stand toward the conditions."
Maha took a stand against her conditions. And we all have that power to do so, particularly within the confines of our minds.
Follow Maha's journey from oppression to freedom when she became a U.S. citizen in 2018. Today, she truly is an unleashed heart, sharing her gifts, wisdom, and experience with all who are open to receiving her message.
There's a story behind her name. Listen to learn the depth of her name and, more importantly, what it has meant to her as she's reinvented herself as a free Maha.
The degree of your surrender is the degree of your success. - Maha Bodhi
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief, free resources are available HERE.
Enjoying the podcast? You may also enjoy my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
💛 Would you like to Learn Your Energy Type? Free Quiz ➡️ HERE! ⬅️
SUPPORT THE SHOW:
Support the showThis episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Q&A | Why Am I Struggling More With My Spouse's Death Than My Parents' Death?
8:48
A Podcast Announcement
22:44
Takeaways & Reflections | Grief Over Family Dynamics
25:35
Kevin Boon | The Masks We Wear
44:56
Genesis Amaris Kemp | Caregiving, Covid, and Corporate Grief
40:07
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Dan Goldberg | Finding the Glory
1:12:58
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Melissa Reilly | A Longing That Never Leaves
57:01
Takeaways & Reflections | Be Your Own Hero
22:48
Tim Heale | Glass Half-Full Approach to Life
1:06:58
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Betsy Smith | The Bulldog Advocate & Caregiver
46:50
Jen Kidwell | Death, Legacy, and the Law
1:11:34
Takeaways & Reflections | Spiritually Challenged: Releasing Anger & the Story
34:50
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Christian de la Huerta | Awakening the Soul of Power
1:09:45
Scott Deluzio | Seeing Red: A Gold Star Brother & Brothers in Arms
1:10:41
Kimberly Bell | The Imprint of Fear and Feeling Unwanted To Finding My Voice
57:26
Takeaways & Reflections | How To Grieve
30:37
Phil Cohen | The Pursuit of Healing After an Ocean of Tears
1:05:25
Reid Peterson | Discovering a Legacy with Grief
45:44
Martika Whylly | Learning How to Grieve with Ease
56:52
Takeaways & Reflections | Finding Our Way Home to Self
11:09
Ram Dass | Learning How to Write a New Song with Grief
56:43
Kyira Wackett | Collateral Damage to Adversity Rising
1:11:19
Stephanie Cerins | Paving a Path to Happiness After Childhood Loss
1:10:40
Takeaways & Reflections | Mothering Yourself Through Grief
13:25
Maha Bodhi | A Quest for Inner-Peace & Freedom
52:41