THERAPY IN MOTION | CHEF JAS RETURNS | PART 2

KING OJ SITS WITH INSPIRING AND MOTIVATING CHEF JAS. SHE TELLS HER STORY AND DIVES INTO HER JOURNEY TO FIND HERSELF, HER PASSION, HER TRAVELING LIFE AND HOW SHE BECAME A FOOD CREATIVE. THIS IS A INTERVIEW YOU CANT MISS AND YOU NEED TO HEAR IF YOUR TRYING TO FIND YOUR PLACE IN LIFE AND NEED A LITTLE MOTIVATION

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

What's the deal? We back with another edition. And yeah, I had to run it back with the cuz Chef Jazz. What's that deal?

SPEAKER_04 0:12

Hey cuz.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

I'm good. I'm good. How you been since the last time we touched down?

SPEAKER_04 0:17

Oh man, busy.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Mmm. Any new experiences?

SPEAKER_04 0:22

Uh not new experiences, but more just trying to get back to my normal.

SPEAKER_00 0:30

Or find or learn how to live in my new normal. And what by new normal, you mean like getting back to the city-wise, or yes.

SPEAKER_04 0:42

Okay. You know, from Arizona. That's a totally different environment. Our family unit moved differently in Arizona. And so we had to adjust to here, um, finding a new routine, three kids, jobs, and other things.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

So okay, yeah. So let's, since you say that, let's tap into that, because as far as our last go-round, you know, we tapped into more sort of your upbringing and whatnot, um, your financial endeavors and everything, and just the growth of jazz. So, how has the kids, how that, how that process been for the kids? And like your husband getting along with, you know, transitioning from wait, you said they were born here, right? In Arizona. Oh, they were born there.

SPEAKER_05 1:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Oh, okay. So 11 years. Right. I remember that. I don't know why I still thought they was born here. Like y'all probably took a trip back here, Adam, and left. Like Okay. Okay, so do they so they view Arizona as home then? Mmm. So that's really a different. Okay, so how do they feel then since it's like they away from home now?

SPEAKER_04 2:02

They miss Arizona, they miss our house. They didn't like trick-or-treat in here.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

What? The bullet wounds got then. You want to see all of it?

SPEAKER_04 2:14

It wasn't, we went to Rose Hill Park, we went to, you know, the nice areas, Karma Woods. They still didn't like it. They still didn't like it because it wasn't what they're used to. Like, we lived in a suburban area of Arizona.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:31

You know, and then we came back to the city and they're just like, I don't know what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 2:37

They're very opinionated about So what do they be saying? Like, they just be blunt, like, I just want to go back home.

SPEAKER_04 2:47

Like, yeah, like they have the privilege. I mean, it's not like I didn't get the things too, but it's the way they communicate. Like, for instance, my my oldest, he'll say, you know, this experience, I'll give it one star. He's like, so he's a life critic. Yeah. I mean, but that's kind of the videos that they're watching. Yeah. You know, now I which I don't understand why they're not watching cartoons. They're watching people do things, rating things.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

Yeah. Because they might have a different calling. They might already be ahead of their time for real, where they like got it figured out as to where a lot of us haven't had it figured out even as an adult. They probably got it figured out as, you know, elementary kids. Like, you know. Um, yeah, no, that's what's up though. That's what's up. Um, it's good that I guess they know how to express themselves.

SPEAKER_04 3:47

Oh, that was the one thing I said I was not going to, you know, trip about as a parent.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:54

Because I felt like I always had a voice, but I had to suppress it because I was being quote unquote disrespectful. When really I thought it was just logic.

SPEAKER_03 4:03

Yeah. No, that's for real.

SPEAKER_04 4:05

And so I I didn't understand why I couldn't utilize my critical thinking skills like the adults. Yeah. You know, so I would always get in trouble for it. But I said I will let my kids express themselves, how how, you know, keep it respectable.

SPEAKER_00 4:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:23

But I I want to know how you feel about things.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

You know, that's crazy that you say that because my pops used to tell people that I was rebellious just because I wouldn't let adults tell me anything.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

Yeah. And I'm like. That was the mentality.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

But you shouldn't want me to be that naive to let anybody tell just because you're an adult. It's a lot of foul adults out here. So I never just ran with whatever you tell me. I'm like, you gotta show me. Right. And now you're mad that you can't show me what you're trying to get me to want to just believe blindly. Yes. I've never been a blind believer in life. I just can't. I gotta know why this is that. You know what I mean? So yeah, that's just crazy.

SPEAKER_04 5:08

Um, I feel that. I remember I got in trouble one time because my grandmother, she was like, shut up. Now what happened? And I'm like, uh I said, but you just told me to shut up. She said, now you're being smart. I'm like, man, this is confusing. And I got in trouble for saying that. And I just felt like I just couldn't win, like I had no voice. Yeah. You know, they were like, no, you're you're expressing too much. That's disrespectful.

SPEAKER_00 5:39

So why do you think that kids are often silenced though? Or I don't know about now, but back when we was growing up and before that, it was just like you didn't have options. How kids today, they go get me a hot and ready. What? Like what you it ain't can we get this or can we they think you supposed to do this. They think you're supposed to just do any and everything, which some of it be true.

SPEAKER_06 6:10

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Is right, but I'm saying we didn't even have, we didn't have that privilege.

SPEAKER_04 6:16

No.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

At all. Why do you think that was in our era?

SPEAKER_04 6:20

I think it was because we were closer to the you know, the suffrage movement, closer to civil rights movement, and just the oppressed, and really not understanding that our our parents were, and even our grandparents, were probably dealing with some form of depression.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:42

Trying to survive, not really having the option to do this or that, but they had to do what they had to do to make things work and make it shake.

SPEAKER_03 6:52

Right.

SPEAKER_04 6:52

And I mean, even if you were, you know, in the in the in the big three, that was a big Detroit thing. You know, my my grandfather and my and my dad, they worked at the post office, and it's kind of like it was almost uh, you either do that or you go to the military. You know, it was like I don't I don't want to hear nothing else. And then you you look at how our generations just over time was just like, hold on now. Cause then the millennials came, like, wait a minute, because wait, because now we're sad and we're trying to do the same thing.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Right.

SPEAKER_04 7:28

But we also grew up in the 90s where we had our time. So how so like, and but then you know, you look at how I don't know about how you feel about the generation that came before us. I'm talking about like my parents' generation. They completely skipped the whole big mama role, you know, it's like they just skipped the whole thing. It it fell completely on the millennials, if you ask me. Because we're trying to get the Sunday dinners back together, you know.

SPEAKER_00 8:01

I tell people all the time the people that I know that was born in the 50s is a disgrace. Oh. Because you're supposed to know how to cook. Yes. You're supposed to really have hands in the kitchen. Like I don't I don't remember seeing from scratch. Right. Like I don't remember seeing, now my mama, she did, but she was a 70s baby though. Okay. So that's different. She learned from her mama. Right. And her mama used to have hands too. She used to, yeah, chef up a lot of stuff. Okay. And I'm like, damn, how nobody knew how to cook cook. Like, you might know how to make something edible, but you don't know how to set the kitchen on fire. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 8:45

It was them drugs.

SPEAKER_00 8:46

It was them drugs.

SPEAKER_04 8:48

I don't know. They just swept, swept the city. I don't know. They was having too much fun.

SPEAKER_03 8:56

Man, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 8:58

I mean, you know, I I appreciate the the village and the help I do have, but I do notice some differences now. I tell my mom all the time, I said, hold on, you got a running 12 appointment to get your nails done every week? Interesting. My grandma was home. Interesting. You're going where out to Cancun with your friends.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:19

My grandma was taking me to AW. Interesting.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

But you know what's crazy? I love the fact, like, when I see your moms like go on trips and do different things. Yeah. I love seeing black people that was, you know, born back then enjoy life. Yeah. I don't care what you're going through in life. To see you enjoy life still, it's like, damn, that's a breath of fresh air. Because a lot of people just get, they live in their lives, a lot of people. Right. They not even trying to, you know, get up and go. Even if you just take a five-minute walk.

SPEAKER_06 9:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

There's people that act like they can't even take a five-minute walk. They act like they can't even treat themselves once or twice. You know, uh, I was walking in this one big uh building. It was like a nursing home. This was years ago. And it was just this old lady, she was just animated, like, no, I can't, I can't get no shrimp. It's too expensive. I ain't buying no lambs. I'm like, why you mad though? Like you showing too much energy or wasting too much energy to prove a point. Right. It's like, okay, how you don't got $10 ever in your life, though. You know, like you like 80 damn near. Yeah. You ain't never had a lamb chop. You ain't never had, how you ain't never had enough to do that.

SPEAKER_04 10:50

So they just don't, they don't, they don't like change. They don't try nothing.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:57

You know, my grandmother, she does, she doesn't eat vegetables. She eats green beans that are cooked in smoked turkey, legs, stewed, and chicken stock. She is not for the broccoli, the cauliflower. Like, she is not, that's not her. That's not, you know, what she grew up eating. I don't know if it was because it wasn't available. So you only eat what's available to you.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

Well, yeah, I get that part because that's how it was for us, too.

SPEAKER_04 11:26

So yeah. You know, but then back, you know, to your point about the kids. My kids, not because I'm just, you know, Chef Jazz or anything, but because I wanted them to at least try something one time and then you say it's nasty.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:44

Like just try it one time.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

And you know one thing I learned about saying stuff is nasty. A lot of times it don't be nasty. You just don't want it.

SPEAKER_04 11:53

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Like, nasty to me, I learned this from one food critic. He like, nasty is really unedible.

SPEAKER_05 11:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Like if you still can eat it, you probably don't want it. Your taste buds want some chili fries or something, but you really can just eat this soup, whatever it is. You know what I mean? But a lot of people just they don't give that whatever a chance.

SPEAKER_06 12:14

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

They just like, this is it, I'm done, on to the next.

SPEAKER_06 12:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

It's like, nah, when I was a kid, if you didn't eat the chicken sandwich, it wasn't a chicken sandwich from Popeye's, it was a whole drumstick and some bread. Yes. With hot sauce on it. Yes, exactly. That was the meal. Chicken sandwich. And it was good as hell, too. Yeah. But it's like, now kids think, it's like they'll really go. Like, if you tell them, like, but don't eat then, they are really not eating.

SPEAKER_04 12:44

No, facts. My kids, they they do that. And I'm like, wait a minute now, because hold on, you need to eat something.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Right.

SPEAKER_04 12:52

And they're like, no, that's okay. I was like, whoa.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Right. I'm like, ain't no way. It was never a a time where it was multiple dishes being cooked on the stove. Oh. It was just like, if you didn't eat this, you just didn't eat this.

SPEAKER_04 13:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:11

But and for me, you know, I have, I'm living with my grandmother because I'm taking care of her. So she has the things that she likes. And then my husband and I, you know, we eat the same. And then our youngest daughter, who has autism, she doesn't eat what everyone else eats because of texture and overstimulation on different foods. And then, you know, like my other sons, they sometimes like the same things and sometimes they don't. So literally, I'm making like four different things or picking up four different things.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:49

Just because I, like you said, they'll be like, well, I just want you. I'm like, no.

SPEAKER_00 13:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:56

So but but I can say I've stopped cooking as much as I used to, because I used to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day. But because I've, you know, I've moved and career changed and everything. But my my oldest came to me and he was just like, Mom, I just miss your food. Like, I just miss it so much. He's like, Coney Island, meh. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 14:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:18

That's that's not what I like. Right. I like your food.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

Right.

SPEAKER_04 14:22

And I'm like, so that day, I was tired as I'll get out. But I was like, you know what? I got you.

SPEAKER_00 14:29

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 14:30

He's like, mm-hmm. It's the best thing I ever had.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Nah, that's what's up. That's what's up. So uh you said as far as your youngest, um, it's the texture and the overstimulation. Can you do you care to elaborate? Because I really don't um really understand that part of it. So I just want more of an understanding on it.

SPEAKER_04 14:52

Yeah, a lot of um, and I don't, you know, you have to really be careful when you're speaking about kids that are on the spectrum because every kid is different. There are different levels to being um autistic, and she really has developed and changed from when she first got evaluated. So, you know, with with me saying this, this comes as like development because she has grown and seen us do things, and she's like, mmm, I want to try that. Yeah, but when she was younger, she would not eat certain foods that were certain colors. We noticed that. She would only pick like safe foods, like yellow, kind of like like a bread, yeah, or um like a starchy food. Like that's safe, you know, but you would put something like a I don't know, a weird color on her plate, like a cabbage. She's like, what the heck? You know, like that, I don't know. Yeah, so she was uncertain of things, yeah. But like texture-wise, she loves popcorn. Like she eats this because it's that crunch. Yeah. And she she really likes to feel like you know, that crunch and everything. But when it comes to like her fries, her fries have to be kind of like crispy, and you have to give her ranch and hot sauce, or excuse me, and ketchup.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:19

Cause she likes to do her thing. You know, you give her just fries, she's gonna be like, uh-oh.

SPEAKER_03 16:26

Man.

SPEAKER_04 16:27

Uh-oh. You said, well, what's she saying? Uh oh. Uh-oh. Cause she's not verbal. So she's looking like something is wrong. Yeah. I don't have my ranch and my ketchup, obviously. Like y'all got me messed up right now. Obviously, that's what I'm saying to you. Get it right.

SPEAKER_00 16:43

Get it right right now.

SPEAKER_04 16:44

And it is true. You become very intuitive with them. You feel like it becomes a mind reading. Yeah. She doesn't have to say much of anything. I know exactly what she's trying to say. You know? Um, so I just noticed that with foods. Like, I'll give she I like I love Thai. I love Thai food. I've been a Thai foo baby all my life. But I will say my kids, they they do enjoy it, but like Trinity, I have to give her rice and then like maybe some chicken. But like that chicken, that broccoli, whoa, whoa. Now, rice safe. Broccoli and chicken? Like, no. But then on Sunday, I fry some catfish. That's a brown color. She like, mm-mm.

SPEAKER_00 17:33

Man, that's funny. That's funny. Yeah. No, that's what that's what's up though. Um, so how is it as far as the parenting style that, you know, what you how do that go? Or do you and your husband have the same parenting style, or is it different?

SPEAKER_04 17:53

I think we often um well, in the beginning, we had to learn, like, okay, I know you were raised this way, and I was raised this way, but now we have to speak to who our children are.

SPEAKER_00 18:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 18:08

So we can't go based off of what we did. And so, like, we we have to remind ourselves, like, we have new humans. They don't know, so don't get frustrated with them because they are new. And so going in like that, it's like we both are like calm. Yeah. Seek to understand. Now, if it don't add up, oh, we're in trouble. But we're gonna give you a fair chance.

SPEAKER_03 18:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:36

And we both we had to work on that because initially it was like, what? What you mean?

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:44

And but then I remember how I felt as a kid, and then I remember how those things can give me anxiety if somebody yells at me now. Yeah. Or I have to walk out the room, you know, now I'm healing some trauma.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 18:57

And I'm like, oh, yep, mm-mm. Don't want them to have that.

SPEAKER_00 19:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

Yeah. So it's funny because that's the same with me as far as teaching my sons, but having patience while I'm teaching them. Whether it's helping them with homework or whatever, it'll be like, bro, Johnny had five pops. I know. Like, and it's like, okay, well, I am, you know, 22 years older than them stuff. Right. You know what I'm saying? So of course I get it. Exactly. And it'd just be like, well, I gotta figure out how to have patience with them.

SPEAKER_05 19:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

I need to have patience in life in general because just being on the road, it'd be so much bull going on. Yeah. Being in a supermarket, it'd be so much bull going on. It seemed like every level of life, it'd just be some crazy stuff that be happening. So it adds to my level of impatience.

SPEAKER_06 19:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:00

So I'd be like, damn, what can I do? Even if I if I like pipe up at my sons, I'm like, damn, I I could have just said on retone for real.

SPEAKER_05 20:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Because I remember uh one time me and my sons, we was in Walmart, and I had told my youngest son, like, grab these bowls or whatever. And they was right in front of him. But he like, where? I don't see it. I said, bro, because you're not using your knees. You got knees to bend down and look on the bottom shelf. Right. And he still telling me, like, where? When I tell you my blood boiled so fast. Yes, yes. I just flipped out, like, damn, bro, you ain't gonna. And I'm like, I feel bad right after though, because I'm like, I could have handled that a little different. And I seen this certain look on his face, and I was like, damn. Right. I'm tripping. You know what I'm saying? So it's like certain situations like that where I'm like, I need to have more patience. I need to not allow myself to just, you know, get out of pocket. Right. And I had, so look, I had one issue where um it was a situation that I heard some criticism, right? Uh-huh. And when I tell you, it tilt it tipped my confidence completely over. So I instantly had to go into rebuild mode.

SPEAKER_05 21:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

And it was like that had added to my impatience and everything, because then I started having crazy anxiety after I heard what I heard. Right. And so I just went back into rebuild mode and I just started listening to Nipsey Hustle motivationals and Eric Thomas motivationals and uh what is it, Denzel uh Washington motivationals. And when I tell you, I built myself all the way back up in a couple of days, I'm like, it's crazy because that's Something that I have now, but the kids might not have, they might not understand that they got that at their disposal right now, where if somebody, you know, get them off their rocker or something, right? That they could just really rebuild they self back up in the case that you're not doing it.

SPEAKER_04 22:18

Right. But I'm But that comes with knowledge. Like we know that now. And to go kind of back to even talking about our parents, they did not understand that that they had that available. Like, yeah, I don't know anyone my mother's age that has a therapist. We saw it on TV, we thought it was for white people. We did not, that's not something we did. I didn't know anybody. I don't even know if you if you know this, but my grandfather, grandpa Frank, he was bipolar schizophrenic. I know that. Absolutely. He was on medication my whole life, but it mellowed him out. And that's the only version of him that I knew. But before then, he had mental health problems, like a like crazy, crazy. They had to send him to the mental hospital for a while. And that's like to the extent of what I knew. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But he didn't go to therapy. He just coped with medication. And then with that medication, just cope with more medication, just from getting pain, you know?

SPEAKER_02 23:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:27

Just not really dealing with the problem, just coping.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

And that's crazy. Because I was gonna ask you how it was with him growing up, because of course I used to see him a lot. And he was cool as hell. When I tell you it's two people in my life that I'm like I never forget that made a positive impact in my life, it was Uncle Frank and I sis. Between them, I swear, out of everybody I ever met him, and you, out of everybody I ever met in my life, every time I never heard or felt negative vibes from y'all ever. I remember the last time I think I saw you was on a field trip. We was at Cedar Point.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

What?

SPEAKER_00 24:18

No. Oh. My school, and I think it probably was your school, but of course she was older than me. I think I was in maybe middle school. This was years and years ago. Why?

SPEAKER_04 24:29

This is a developing new story.

SPEAKER_00 24:31

Well, for you, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:33

Yeah, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Yeah, but it's like, um, what was that? Basically, with um, okay, yeah. So y'all was the most positive ones or whatever. So I always think about them, especially because in the midst of me trying to get my life together, right? I wanted to see them.

SPEAKER_06 24:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

And I'm like, I know they're gonna be proud of me if I show up and I got this going and I got that going. But I never got my stuff together.

SPEAKER_05 25:06

Oh man, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

So I kept like, I'm I know I'm gonna go over there. I know I could go over there anytime, but I wanted to go over there as a complete man. Yeah. One by one, they both passed. And I'm like, damn, I felt shitty as hell because I'm like, I never got that chance.

SPEAKER_05 25:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:26

To feel the love. That's the crazy part. I just wanted to feel the love, but I wanted to feel the love at my max, you know, strength. Like, okay, whatever going on, I could have just gone and I didn't. So yeah, it was just crazy. But not to get too far off track, because I still wanted you to, you know, add more to it. If you had more, you know, stories about Uncle Frank, you know, growing up.

SPEAKER_04 25:54

Yeah. Um, I'd say growing up with him, I talk about him often. I just I was just talking about him today. I miss him so much. It's weird being back home and he's not there.

SPEAKER_03 26:05

Right.

SPEAKER_04 26:06

Um, he had so much patience with me. He did not care about anything. I like I could literally be poking him in his eye. And he just gonna close it like, oh, ooh, oh no. Like, this is don't get me. You know, he always was down for whatever. Yeah. You know, I would pinch him and he would like, ouch. And that would be it. You know, he was never gonna yell at me. Yeah. I'll be like, Grandpa, um, can I go to the gas station? Yep. Never, never said no. You know, like I remember I had lost my car. Uh-huh. Um, there's just too many mechanical issues. I was like, eh. I was like, I just went up to his room. I was like, grandpa, can I have a car? Yep. I'm like, yes. I put I stuffed him in the car, in my grandma's car. We went out to the dealership. He ain't say nothing. He just said, Tell me where the son. He was so easy going. He is the reason why I am the way I am. He's the reason why I see the world the way that I do. He introduced me to so many different things. Like, you can go into his room at any moment and he's listening to a symphony orchestra or um some music from like back in the day, like the 1930s. Like, uh huh. You know, he he really cultured me. Yeah. He took me on a a date. Uh-huh. Because he said he wanted me to know what it was like. Yeah, he said, but listen, we taking a bus. I said, okay. And he said, because I want you to be street smart. He said, you two, uh-uh, you don't know it. You don't know the streets. Yeah. He said that McDonald's is not always gonna be there. You keep saying bottom McDonald's. But but for real, that McDonald's or simple mall is gone now. You know, like he was right. But he took me on a Grand River bus. We went downtown. Uh, he took me to the County Island, you know, kind of showing me how to order down there, how to show me how to walk, look at, look at the streets, look at that big building. What what building is that? Which way did we just come from? Yeah. At a young age. And then would do things, you know, like stop looking, listen before you cross the street. Use your eyes, use your ears, and then you move your feet. Like, I've been saying that since I was like five. He didn't play. So he he instilled things. That would that's what it was like growing up with him. And him and sis took care of each other. So like he'd be like, I hit the number, go get sis's $20. He only won $40. Yeah. That's what's up. So he's gonna give her his 20. Yeah. Or he be like, uh, sis made me some mackerel, go pick it up. So, so now I'm going over sis' house, going to pick up some mackerel, and it my car is umbreaking. You know what I'm saying? My my car is man, but I did it because that's how they love each other, you know. That love is is what trickle down, really, you know. So it like you said, you want to feel that.

SPEAKER_03 29:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:28

Uh, but yeah, they and it they were not afraid to have a good time.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Facts.

SPEAKER_04 29:33

It was partying all the time. Before I went to college, my grandfather he said, don't ever put nothing in your nose, don't shoot nothing up your arm, don't put your cup down. He said, Don't ever let nobody roll one up for you. You smoke by you roll it yourself. And he said, matter of fact, I'm about to roll one with you right now, and I'm about to show you how how we're about to do how you do it. Right. He said, You do it in moderation. He said, You come from a family of alcoholics, and I don't want you to go down that road. So do it in moderation, but have a good time. And I'm like, okay, I'm ready for college.

SPEAKER_00 30:11

Right. Nah, that's what's up. That's what's up. Yeah. Yeah. I used to laugh because uh sister used to be like, yeah, go and get that uh Kool-Aid out the frigidaire.

SPEAKER_05 30:24

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:25

To this day, I be telling people, like, yeah, go get that out the frigidaire. Yeah. What? I'm like, because I'll be playing, but I'll be serious at the same time. Like, it's funny as hell, but yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:37

But that's what they that that was the man, that was the manufacturer back in the day, Frigidaire. Uh-huh. The manufacturer back in the day was frigidaire. So just like we would call, like, I don't know, the something by the name, but it's not really that. Yeah. We just call it by the, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:50

Yeah, no, I got you. Like when they be like, go get the Roku. But it's the whole TV, you know? Yeah, yeah. They calling it by the brand. Right, exactly. I got you, I got you. Yeah. So, um, how did you how did the his loss affect you? Or his passing affect you?

SPEAKER_04 31:13

Uh, it affected me greatly. Um I knew that he was gonna pass away. He had been preparing us our whole lives for him passing away. I'm not kidding. Like, every moment he got he had to remind us, like, I'm not always gonna be here. We like, uh, we know. Yeah. We get it. We're not, but he would be like, bury me in a sheet. I don't want nothing else. Or he'll be like, you might lose your eyesight one day. I'm about to blindfold you, walk down these stairs. How many stairs we got to house? Now I know we got 13 stairs. I know. You know, so like he's like, I'm not always gonna be here. And so I would be like, you know, I don't I don't want to dance. He'd be like, come dance with me. I'm not always gonna be here. I'm like, I don't feel like it.

SPEAKER_03 32:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:07

But when he passed away, I'm like, but I just wanna dance. I miss you. You've been saying it. I knew it was gonna come, but he's not suffering anymore either. Right. You know, I can't I can't even imagine what it's like. And he told me this story. He said he came home from the military. He was supposed to go to the hospital and see his mother. He went out partying instead of going to the hospital, and his mom passed away. What? And he regretted that. And he said, never wait for tomorrow what you can do today.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

Right.

SPEAKER_04 32:43

It was always lessons with this man, you know. Just based off experience and his own mess ups, you know. Yeah. And he made it very clear, like, you know, make sure you you know, like, I'm I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be here. Like he was trying to get it in my head, you know. Um, and it did not matter what he went through. He always was himself. He got into a really bad car accident. Um, him and June got in a car accident before. He had really bad like spinal issues, his spine was deteriorating. His hip was deteriorating, and this has been years. Yeah, I don't know if you've seen him with a cane. Yeah, yeah. It started then, but he was coping with things.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:32

So he was probably in so much pain. And then at the end, they tell him he has cancer. And I'm literally on FaceTime with him daily, just watching him just slip away. So part of me, to your question, was happy he was free from all that pain. But from that, I have so much respect for him. Like I had respect for him when he was alive. But what it did to me was make me have a greater appreciation for the man that who he was. Because he he dealt with, you know, the bipolar and the schizophrenia. He dealt with so much, but he never brought that energy to me and the family. None of it, none of it.

SPEAKER_00 34:16

And was still able to show up for y'all.

SPEAKER_04 34:19

And he did a hundred push-ups every single day until he couldn't. That's what's up. He did a hundred every single day because he was in the military, you know?

SPEAKER_01 34:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:29

So his his it really affected me because I just miss that wisdom. Especially when you get older, you be like, oh, what would he say?

SPEAKER_03 34:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:40

But I find myself laughing like him, talking like him, moving like him. And I think that's what's just so important. Legacy.

SPEAKER_03 34:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:49

Making sure that whatever I do, I leave a legacy to have people remember me. So that I could, they can, I can leave a piece of me here for them. And that's definitely what he did.

SPEAKER_00 35:01

So, how did you cope with it? Like, what coping mechanisms did you use?

SPEAKER_04 35:07

Uh really just listening to his favorite songs and crying through them. Letting myself feel until I can listen to it with joy. He listened to Christmas Every Day by the Temptations on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, the day after Christmas, over and over and over again on a cassette tape. And we would have to rewind it. He would like to play it again. And we we literally, and so that's that's like now that's what I do with my family.

SPEAKER_00 35:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:39

They be like, do it again for great grandpa. Like, exactly. Yes. Y'all get it. They don't complain, they know it means something to me.

SPEAKER_00 35:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:50

So they let me grieve with that.

SPEAKER_00 35:54

Yeah. How important is it for you to have space to grieve in a time of loss?

SPEAKER_04 36:01

I don't think you should put a time on it. Um, because, you know, I was literally just looking at the garage. He passed away in 2020, it's 2026. I was looking at the garage, something so simple. And I was like, dang, my grandpa used to be on top of everything in the house. And I just started crying. Because that's, you know, that's a little memory. He was always on top of what it didn't matter what he was what he had going. He made sure the house was good. And now I'm just looking at something. I'm like, dang, I gotta call somebody and get that fixed, a professional. Yeah. To come out. He would handle it. He was a man, like, I, you know, I'll handle that. And so I just started crying, like, dang, I missed that.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

Yeah. Nah, that's what's up. That he was that tight to just pass information on to you as much as he did, because that's really what life is about, a transfer of information from generation to generation.

SPEAKER_04 37:02

Yes. And I learned so much from him, and he only had, I believe, a sixth-grade education. Like, he lied and told them he was 16 or 18 or something. I don't remember the age, but he lied and they let him in the military.

SPEAKER_00 37:18

So look, with that, I think that's a legal thing, like to say that he had a sixth grade education. But I don't think he really had a sixth grade education because of how much knowledge he actually had, you know, had.

SPEAKER_06 37:32

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

So it's like, it's a lot of stuff. You don't even have to go to school to learn. And it's like, is it a sixth grade education just because they tell us that it is? Right. Or because I'm just like, you can learn so much more without even going. Yeah.

unknown 37:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 37:49

But kids stay in school. I ain't saying drop out, but I'm just saying, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_04 37:54

No, no, I understand. Because life is gonna teach you the, you know, things if you allow it. Yeah. And I think that's how he was able to become so knowledgeable and have so much wisdom. Because everything was a teaching moment for him.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Mm-hmm. Yeah. So in these moments of, you know, you coping and whatnot, uh, what level of support do you feel that you had?

SPEAKER_04 38:19

Uh I'm not re I didn't really seek support. I think it's it's a it's important. But his loss is, is like I said, like, you know, he's not suffering. So then that brings me peace. Like, okay. I miss him, but he's not suffering. He's not, you know, sad. You know what I mean? And it I can only imagine if he was in pain. You know what I do to your mental? Like, pain really makes you mad when you in pain. You know, you be ready. He's like, what? You irritable? Yeah. But he's he's he stayed level-headed. And I think really he helped me. So I didn't, you know, he helped me so much. I'm just like, I'm I'm good. You know, we have each other, my family. We celebrate him on his birthday, the day he passed away. We go to um the veteran cemetery, pay our respects. He was a veteran, shout out, in the army.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

Shout out.

SPEAKER_04 39:30

And he uh, you know, he he did a good job. I think he did a good job with life in teaching us. Because I did, I'm sad, but I don't feel like I need any type of support. Right. Um, to help me cope with it.

SPEAKER_00 39:46

Right. Now that's good. That's good that you feel that way because a lot of people during time of loss, you really can lose your mind.

SPEAKER_05 39:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:57

Like I I just found out that one of our relatives, they said they she lost her mind basically when her parents uh passed.

SPEAKER_05 40:06

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_05 40:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

So I was just like, damn, like now I got more sympathy because I'm like, I didn't know what it was. Yeah. But you know, it's just crazy because even, you know, in my time of grief, I damn near borderline felt like I was losing my shit. I don't know if I completely lost it, but I know it was almost there.

SPEAKER_05 40:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:31

So it was just like a lot of work that you got, well, that I had to put in. And I'm like, to this day, I'm like, damn, that was a real dark space that I was in in that moment.

SPEAKER_04 40:44

Yeah, I think it's different though when it's your your parent versus your grandparent. Like I was with him my whole life, granted. But he was, you know, 80, 89, I think, when he passed away. 88, 89. I'm like, you good, man. Like, if you ready, you know what I'm saying? You lived a long life, man. But when it's your parent and they still got more life to live, I just feel like, you know, like it's I had to, I had to really be there for my husband. Yeah. Because his his father did pass away unexpectedly, very prematurely.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:18

And it really affected him.

SPEAKER_03 41:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:20

And so when I say, you know, grief does not have a time, I'm really speaking, I'm speaking for mine, but also his experience because I learned a lot from him. Because it took him a long time to really unpack what happened. You you like, oh, wait a minute. I I had things to say. Right. Birthdays, what? I had kids pause. Like, you know what I mean? You're not here for this? Yeah. That's not what I was expecting. So I think, you know, and I've had a lot of friends experience that where they are just not ready. Who is though? But they're not ready for that. Even knowing your parent is sick, like, you're you're not ready for that. And then now I've noticed like different changes in them, and you have to either accept that change because that's who they they are now.

SPEAKER_03 42:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 42:13

Something happened in their life, they had changed. Yeah. So you they accept them as who they are now, because they're they're never gonna be that other person again.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

Right.

SPEAKER_04 42:23

I think you have to have a lot of sympathy and empathy when when you have, you know, friends or even family that you know have lost a parent. Yeah. Because that the man, that's that's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 42:36

So do you think uh therapy is important in of grief?

SPEAKER_04 42:42

Absolutely. I think therapy is important. I think having a black therapist is important.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

Okay, so elaborate on that. Why do you think that it's more important to have a black therapist?

SPEAKER_04 42:56

Because we have different ways of expressing ourselves. Okay. That are in, you know, we we have the ability to speak to each other without even speaking to each other as black people. It's a superpower.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

Right.

SPEAKER_04 43:09

You know, and there may be different ways we use our words or ways we express ourselves that maybe other cultures are just not used to. And they they haven't even done their research to know, like, this lady is not being, you know, difficult or having an attitude. She's just depressed. But you're being defensive, not hearing, you're not listening, you're just going based off of how it's making you feel. And I think a lot of ethnicities do that. They don't listen, they're just ready to diagnose or or prescribe or, you know, especially like doctors and stuff. I went to the doctor, she she took a culture. Of of of what I went in there for, she immediately prescribed me medication. Wait, how did we even get the three sorts back? That's why. But I feel like as a you know, oh you you know, you're a black woman, you got it, you good, you strong. Yeah. You know? But you go to a black woman, she's like, hold on, what's your diet like? What are your stress levels? Right. What's going on at home? Are you masking this? Are you okay? You know, like things like that.

SPEAKER_00 44:30

Yeah. I agree with that because I had a therapist before too. I don't know what her ethnicity was, but I know she wasn't black though.

SPEAKER_05 44:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:38

Um, I needed it though for the most part when I first began. So, because I used to uh wake up super anxious. Like I used to tell people, as soon as I wake up, it was like my brain would be sitting on the edge of the bed waiting on me to open my eyes. That's how anxious I used to be when I get up. And it was, I realized what it was though. Um I was involved in too much turmoil. I was around too many toxic people, and it was all affecting me at once. Where my relationship wasn't right, um, my financial status wasn't right. Yeah, my physical status wasn't right, my eating habits was poor.

SPEAKER_05 45:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

I was smoking, drinking, you know what I'm saying? It was just too much going family issues, unsolved trauma. Right. And I just wasn't over a lot of stuff, so it would just be like anxious as soon as I wake up. And the more that I knocked down all of these, you know, bad things that was, you know, hindering my mental, I found more peace. Every brick that I knocked down, every boulder that I that I blew out the way.

SPEAKER_05 45:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:59

It was just like a higher sense of peace. And I don't think a lot of people understand that you gotta, a lot of times, in most cases, you have to do the most work.

SPEAKER_05 46:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:12

You can't expect somebody else to even, and that's even if they is black, you still can't expect them to be the final resolve for you. Like, but I agree with what you're saying 100%, but I'm just saying as far as this part goes, you have to do all of like the majority of the work. They only there to really help you to see the light.

SPEAKER_05 46:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

But the lady to really, you know, get back to her, she couldn't even help me see the light that much. When I was trying to tell her what was going on, so I would tell her different situations that happened and why I feel the way I feel. And she'd be like, Well, what do you think you could do better? And I'm like, Well, I did what I could do better. I eliminated these people out of my circle. Right. She like, no, but what else could you do better? I'm like, well, I feel better now that they're not around me. So what you mean? Like, exactly. No, I mean, but you could do this. And I'm like, but you're not really telling me. Well, she would remix it. First, she would tell me to do what I did, and then when the next visit, she'll still be stuck on the same topic and try to get me to do something else after I already then did that. And I'm I noticed it was like seven, eight sessions in, and she kept doing this, and I'm like, I mean, can we move to something else? I'm right. That level of trauma in my life is over with. You know what I'm saying? Right. So if I'm growing past it, why are you trying to keep me boxed in? Yeah. So I didn't like that, and that's when I started listening to more and more podcasts, and I would find that these different ones, they're talking about the same situations I done dealt with.

SPEAKER_05 48:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:02

I'm listening to like perspectives with bank, where he just like, well, I ain't telling you you right or wrong. It's just your perspective. Oh, yeah. So you getting off how you feel and why you feel that way. And then he was, what, 47? And he talking about the same, literally the exact same life situations, trials and tribulations I'm going through. And I'm like, damn, if only I had somebody to help me with this when I was a kid, I would have never been going through half the stuff that I went through in life. Right. Whether it's uh seeking love from the wrong people and trying to over-validate myself or trying to get other people to validate me, waiting on them to validate me. Right. If they don't feel like I'm the chosen one, now I'm messed up about it. When in reality, a lot of times people don't understand you. Sometimes they won't understand you, and sometimes they just don't want to understand you. That's right. So it's like you, a lot a lot of situations has been where people already came with how they feel, and that's what they sticking to. Right. So it's no point for you to try to stand up and no, but this and that, and woo, and woo, ooh. You wasting your breath. Yeah. You're wasting energy, you wasting peace. You could be building something. Right. And it's like I just had to learn that time and time and time again. So I want to know too, like, have you like dealt with any of these types of situations where you had to figure out like somewhere down the line, like, damn, if why did I even go back and forth with that? Or why did I even, you know what I'm saying, entertain this. I just lost 83,000 brain cells talking to this person. Right.

SPEAKER_04 49:54

Uh, it it really became when I stopped people pleasing and I started making myself take care of myself. You know how they say on the airline, you know, you can't deploy your bag or whatever, your mask, and put it on your kid, put it on yourself.

SPEAKER_03 50:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:18

And so I was like, okay, I gotta save me first. And I'm like, I hate the way it makes me feel. And if my nervous system is affected, yeah, that be messing up a lot of stuff in people's body, and they don't even realize it. And when I started looking at it on a molecular level, like I'm literally suffering. Right when you call, or when I get around you. Right. Uh I don't like the way that feels. And so I I realize I would have so much anxiety around certain people. Right. Like, why am I like that? You know? Why why do this person make me feel so jittery or like I gotta please? Like, yes, no, okay. Like, like that ain't even me.

SPEAKER_00 51:11

You gotta tap dance.

SPEAKER_04 51:13

Right. And it's like, why am I tolerating this? And I just was like, you know what? No more. I don't care. Right. I you know, I just dismissed it. And I don't know if that comes with age, because when you're younger, you want to keep your friends, you want to work through things, but then like you get married, and you know, you got bigger things to care about, and or you were in a relationship, maybe not even married, or you got kids, and now you gotta think about that, you know?

SPEAKER_00 51:41

Yeah. So that's a good one. I like you, you just then went into the marriage talk, so let's get stick with that. Okay. Um, first off, what's the difference to you between your relationship before and after marriage?

SPEAKER_04 52:00

Uh I think you can only define that within your own relationship. Let me put a disclaimer. Right. Because everyone is different, so I can only speak from my own experiences. And I've learned that with marriage and relationships. So I think before it's really about, you know, you're you're testing. You're saying, do I want to go through with this? Right. Is this so you're like, at any moments, I'm looking, I'm searching. You're like, okay, we passed this. Okay. And so you have a choice. You still have your choice to take it back. Like now. Right. When you're not married, you can threaten it. I won't go through with it. Or you you work through things and you're like, okay, yes, we're going through with this. And I think that is when you are trying to make things work. I can't say for superficial marriages, I don't know. Yeah. Because I don't like to speak in absolutes. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know, this is not pertaining to everybody. But from what I can see and observe, a lot of the time you kind of take that for granted. Where you're like, okay, we're about to do this. So look, get it out, our system, whatever it is, I don't know. We got we're not taking this to the altar.

SPEAKER_00 53:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:17

You hear that a lot. Like, we're not doing this after this.

SPEAKER_00 53:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 53:20

But what people don't realize, it's gonna come with you anyway. Because that's who they are. And so you're gonna either have to accept that before or not at all.

SPEAKER_02 53:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 53:30

And so once you're married, now you're with this person, and that thing you don't like or that thing y'all go through, y'all doing it, it's gonna happen often. Because you married, you with them all the time. You know?

SPEAKER_00 53:44

How so how important is it to accept all of the flaws of your partner in a relationship?

SPEAKER_04 53:55

You have you, you know, let me rephrase that, because you still have a choice. Even when you're when you're not married, because I think you maybe sometimes people are are bamboozled and they don't realize, whoa, where did that come from?

SPEAKER_00 54:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 54:12

But I'm really speaking on things that you already know about and you think they're gonna change once you get married. And they're not, you know, they may improve, they may, you know, become a better person, but it could be a small thing where you're like, what? Yeah, now it's a big thing.

SPEAKER_00 54:30

I could rephrase it because I don't mean accepting deal breakers. I mean accepting, like, you know, a lot of people think that you're supposed to be perfect. Like, you can't have a blemish as another human being. You need to be perfect. I'm saying, like, how important is it to accept the ones that the the flaws that's not deal breakers for you?

SPEAKER_04 54:52

Yeah, so with that, it comes with time. Okay, because you have to really learn who who you're with, I think. And even when you have those times where you're like we we went through this, how how are we gonna do it? Like, how are we gonna go through with it the next time? Are we gonna we kind of you're re-evaluating? Right, and then you move forward, but you choose to move forward. It it really depends on the partner.

SPEAKER_00 55:31

Right. So, what made you understand, or what made you say that, okay, this is safe to accept this engagement? Like what made you say that your husband is the guy?

SPEAKER_04 55:48

Um, well, honestly, my spirit felt safe with him. Anytime he would hold me, anytime he would hug me, my spirit just felt like it was taking a deep breath and was good. Like finally. Um, and so that's what really was like the deal breaker. Like, yes, we're doing this. I was 23 when I got married, so I was super young. Yeah. I'm going on 38. So, you know, do the math there. Nah, that's what's up. So it's just it, you know, it's just one of the it's it's one of the things that you have to learn. It's one of the things that happens in marriages. Either you accept it or you don't. The changes will happen, the people will change, yeah. Your environment change, you have kids, you're, you know, people lose parents, things happen. The person can change from all of that.

SPEAKER_00 56:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:49

Are you gonna be there or no?

SPEAKER_00 56:53

Right. So do you tap into like those tonight conversation clips and stuff like that?

unknown 57:01

Uh.

SPEAKER_00 57:02

Where it'd be like people, it'd be like a host on a panel or whatever, and uh, or a panel of hosts, and then it's like random people in the crowd where they just basically putting out their relationship business on front in front of a live crowd and audience that we viewing from social media. Oh, no. Okay, well, yeah, they they do a lot of it'd be crazy. Like, so one lady, for example, she was saying how she had brain surgery and her man basically took care of her the whole time and then she healed. And she said, when is it time for her to feel appreciated? And I'm just like, what? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it just be stuff like that, or they'll just say how they man, they see they man in the crowd with another woman, and woo-woo. It just be random, crazy, chaotic situations, and or just delusional situations where one lady, she was just waiting for it seemed like decades to, you know, for this guy to propose, and you know, she just was delusional about the whole situation. She had said basically like she was asking for a friend, but for real, she was the friend. And she slipped up and said it like, so how long do I? And then she just bust out laughing because she Yeah, yeah. But basically, um outside of that, I was just gonna ask you, like, how do you feel about people airing out their relationships in front of, you know, live audiences to basically pick their partner apart?

SPEAKER_04 58:56

I don't think it's the best thing to do because that person, you know, people don't have context and they can only judge based off of the information that you're giving. Yeah. And that in in no way, shape, or form should be, you know, a thing. It you shouldn't necessarily want people to know uh a lot of what's going on, because then people form opinions about your partner and they don't even know them for real. And then they can start telling you things, you know, even in a small situation at work or in a live studio audience or whatever it is, people can just start spitting stuff to you that you weren't even thinking of. You like, you know what? You might be right, you know, and it's like, no, uh, they don't know them. Right. So now you're conflicted, like, uh, and then now they're looking at you like, look at this dummy.

SPEAKER_00 59:58

Right. Nah, for real.

SPEAKER_04 59:59

This dummy. Keep going back to this man. Right. Because everybody can tolerate different things.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:05

And so, you know, keep to yourself.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:08

So, do you feel like relationships are like last priority on people's agenda nowadays?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:15

I think it's a lot of people who want to be in relationships, but everybody is saying it's no good people to be in relationships with. Right. That's what I hear from the single pool. Everybody is saying that. Like, it's nobody, it's no good people out here.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:28

But then I be knowing good people and I be like, but Yeah, but the the thing is they don't be good people themselves. Uh yeah. A lot of them don't.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:38

Because where I see certain people, they just contradict themselves all the time.

SPEAKER_05 1:00:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:44

Everybody just wanna be in everybody else's business instead of focusing on what they need to work on within themselves. That's true. So I look at it as if you work on yourself and the next person working on themselves, you just might wind up in each other's face at some point in life. Right. Don't rush it. Right. A lot of people trying to rush it and then mismanaging it. It's like me rushing into a CEO position and I ain't come prepared. I don't even know where to begin. You know what I'm saying? So you gotta have the manual. You gotta know how, because for one, everybody got different love languages.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:22

People wanna be loved differently. Some people don't want affection, some people do want affection. Right. Some people, hands-on, some people, you know, standoffish. So it's just some people might tell you they love you, some people ain't. So it's like, okay, well, who am I dealing with? How am I gonna deal with them? Yeah. And will I be able to deal with them without compromising my own happiness? Right. So, with that being said, how important is it to, you know, love on somebody without compromising your own happiness?

SPEAKER_04 1:01:56

I think it's very important. I think you should listen. Like, for example, my um my husband, he really didn't have um, like an eye, he's not a mind reader, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:12

So he didn't know, he didn't have an idea of like how I grew up as a kid.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:15

Right, right.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:16

Unless I t I told him. So like he he would hear me say, like, yeah, like my mom, I would wake up every day. Um, or for example, my birthday. I would wake up and I'm like, oh my goodness, the house is decorated. You know what I mean? And he was like, oh man. So like he didn't know that, like, for my birthday, I want the house decorated. I wasn't just telling you the story. Right. Like this is, but I had to learn, like, he does not know that.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:48

You know, and so like, but now he does it. Yeah. He knows, like, all right, let's get these streamers up, mommy sleep, and let's go. Like, you know, he he be on it. And so, understanding, like, your the love, yeah, he did not necessarily always want me to buy him the things I bought him. He would want something else. He'd be like, I could have just took a game. You know, I did not need this $500, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what I mean? But I'm like, oh, I'm about to ball on my man, show him I love him.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:23

He don't want that. He wanted to be intentional, he wanted to mean something. So I think that was me learning how to love him and respect how he wanted to be loved. Right. And not forcing how I want to love him.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:39

Right. Um, do you think that you can have a good relationship or marriage without any boundaries? Oh no.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:53

We are humans, we need boundaries. Like, period, you know? Because then you get into a lot of confusion. Right. Confusion equals chaos.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:08

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:08

Chaos equals destruction.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:11

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:12

Now we ain't, now we nothing.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:14

Right. No, for real. A lot of people struggle with that though.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:18

A lot of people struggle. I've heard so many people say how they struggle with having boundaries in their life. Shit, I was one of them people, like, early on in life, to to put up a fence and tell them you can't jump over this fence.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:35

It's like, but then if they jump over the fence, what do I do? Right, exactly. So it's like to avoid that, I'm not even gonna just, I'm just not gonna put the fence up. Right. Right. Right, right. But yeah, I just think I agree with you though. I agree with you.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:58

How important is it to have trust and security within your relationship?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:04

It's very important. Um, my husband and I, we were looking at our our birth charts. Uh-huh. We put it in the chat, and it was really speaking some truth. You know, you put your birthday in, the time you were born, and your location. And then I was reading your birth chart, and it's kind of like just kind of like pointing you in the direction of what you should be looking for your life.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:27

And so, you know, we were looking at it, and we found some interesting things about ourselves. And one of the things was he really had to come to terms with, like, okay, this is reading me to a T. This is saying what I need to do. And for me, it was the same thing. And so then we put in how compatible are we together? And so now we're looking at this, and I We looking at different things that we need to work on. Like, oh my god, yes, that is what we need to work on. That's crazy that this notice.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:08

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:11

Uh, and just constantly do the work.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:13

Yeah. You know? Yeah. Nah, that's what's up. Um, what are ways that you could build that trust and security for people that might not have it, but they wanna have, they wanna get to that place.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:29

So, like, some of the things you were saying, like with trust, is we learned from the results, like where trust falls in our life, how it ranks versus them. And and then when I say them, I mean another sign. So, like, I'm a Scorpio, he's a Pisces. Okay. So for like me, trust and loyalty is very important. Yeah. And he seen like how high up that was. Like with him, it's it's loyalty, but it's like some other things. Yeah. So now he's like, oh, okay, that that makes sense. You know, with your with your sign. Yeah. But it it speaks to my relationship with him, but it also speaks to my relationships outside of him. Right. And how I view my relationships with people and what I expect from others.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:20

What's your viewpoint on people that say they're not gonna do X, Y, and Z for their partner only because they're not married? I think that's good. I think that's a boundary.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:32

I think that's good. Like, do it. Like, have that mentality. Especially a woman.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:41

I mean, even if your man, like let's say your man is doing for you, or you know what I'm saying? Okay, let me just say it this way. Because I don't understand it. So for me, it's like if you in a relationship, I don't I don't really care if you married or not. I just think like y'all should just do whatever for each other.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:03

Oh yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:04

Because it don't compromise your integrity, right? Or something of that sort. Not like do everything. I'm telling you, go rob a bank, go slap somebody, go do I ain't saying do all the craziness, but like that. Just when it comes to like, babe, can you go make me some food? Could you meal prep for me? Can you get my clothes together? Can you run, draw a bath real quick? Because I look at it like this is practice. I think everything in life is practice for something. True. So I look at it like if you can't do it before we get married, why should I marry you? Cause then who's to say you're gonna do it after I get proposed. No, that's true. So that's just how I look at it.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:49

So I look at it from a traditional standpoint. Okay. From back in the day, like you, it was it was either arranged, forced, right? You married the person. Right. And what you got is what you got. You made it work. Right. You know, and so like people didn't necessarily they they just filled these roles. Right. They were just doing the roles. And then people started having expectations of each other. Like, this is new. Having expectations. Before it was just you the husband and the wife. This is what you do, this is what I do. You know, it was it was no crossing the lines. Yeah. But now people are more independent than others. People take on more and have more life experiences. So you like, okay, now we in a relationship, this is what I want. Right. And this is what I want you to do as my woman. You know, this is maybe what I had before. Maybe, don't know. Could be a new relationship, ever, but like this is what I want my woman to do. Or this is what my I want my man to do. And it's like, you have to respect people's willingness to do this. If my willingness is not there to do it, and then you take it as a negative, it's like, but do you know my character? Like, if my character is there, but I'm just like, nah. Like, you will get that when we get married.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:19

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:20

You will you will earn it. But then you look at these arranged marriages and it's like, no, do it now.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:26

Right, right. Drop it. Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:30

Because this is what I expect you to do.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:32

Yeah, no, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:34

You know, they didn't have no time to figure nothing out. It was just marriage.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:39

No, I'm with you, and you're right. That's facts. Um, so we we uh winding down to the last couple questions. I just wanted to do a wellness check real quick. How are you feeling?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:53

I'm feeling, if I'm being completely honest, I'm s I'm I'm trying to get through a lot of things. I have a lot of things running through my mind, a lot of change has happened, and I'm currently going through a lot of emotions. Right. So, like, self-aware me is like, oh, don't complain. Be grateful. Like, silver line a girl. Right. You good, but the me that's feeling it, my emotion outside, is like, what is happening? Yeah, it's just I like I would tell people, it doesn't matter what level of success you are, how much money you have, you still have to go through the human experience. Facts. And so it's it's people will look at on the outside and say, oh my god, she got it all together. Yeah, how do you have it all together? And it's not having it all together, it's learning how to have it or how to get back on track, you know, in different levels of life. So whereas like five years ago, I didn't have all this knowledge and wisdom about me and reflection and pushing myself through the emotion and saying that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:22

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:23

Like, it's okay, go through that. I allow myself to say no. I allow myself to feel. So that's what I'm I'm currently going through at the moment. Um, but I know I gotta I gotta pick my head up. Yeah. So like, you know, you say, you know, you will listen to Nip. I me too.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:45

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:47

You know, um, just different things, you know what I mean? Like to help, like I do sound baths, um, making sure that I'm meditating, making sure I'm tapping in to myself, and not trying to get too overwhelmed with things. Yeah. I got a lot going on. Yeah. A lot more than people realize, and I think it's because I don't complain. Right. I'm not airing out every single thing I'm doing. So people don't have an idea. So when I when I introduce myself to them or when I'm in their presence, they don't see all of that. Right. But I'm feeling a lot of it. Right. But I tr I try not to make it too heavy. Um, and and that's just that's kind of what I'm I'm dealing with at the moment.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:39

Yeah, nah, just keep bringing your umbrella to the storm.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:42

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:43

Don't rain, you just gotta be prepared. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:46

And it's not even that bad. It's just you, it don't matter. It's just like, you know, keep it going.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:55

No, I feel you, I feel you. Um, so to get back in, uh, what are ways that you conduct family planning and financial management? And how important is it to do so?

SPEAKER_04 1:14:08

My husband and I have an Excel spreadsheet um that we put the just things, uh, family business. Yeah. It is so important because we've realized that as we get older, like we don't have time for a a lot. And unless it's on paper.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:32

Okay, now I'm making time for it. But we're juggling so much throughout the day, things fall to the cracks. Yeah. So we have uh like an Excel file, we keep important tasks on there, our financials, where we're trying to figure out like, okay, down the line, does this make sense? Like, is this move gonna make sense?

SPEAKER_05 1:14:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:57

Um we're still recovering. Speaking of moves, we're still recovering from our move from Arizona. So, you know, we we have to, you know, put plans in place to bounce back from that. Right. Um, so we really you really have to run it like a business and have some key priority things that need to happen because the kids got stuff going on. We both have things going on. You know, I'm I'm taking care of my grandma. It's just a lot.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:34

So we don't, we're not perfect by any means, but we have something visually to look at to keep our North Star going as a family.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:48

Nah, that's what's up. Yeah. Um, what is the greatest goal that you and your uh husband completed together so far?

SPEAKER_04 1:15:57

The greatest goal is creating a family when we were told we couldn't. That's what's up. You know, I I was like maybe 22 when I went to the doctor. And they were like, nope, probably not gonna be able to have kids. You should look into adoption. I had like three tests ran on me. I was tired of going, taking tests, them just picking and prawn at me. Yeah. I was over it. But we wrote our kids' names on on sticky notes in order, and we would just call their names out every day. On Mother's Day, my husband, he would give me a card and he would sign it with all three of their names on it.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:42

This was like, I mean, like 2014. And we had our first kid in 2016. Man. CJ, Isaac, Trinity, in the order that we wrote it down in. Yeah. And we had their names on post-it notes all around our apartment in Highland Park. We lived in a 55 and up community. Yeah. We weren't supposed to be there. Shout out to that landlord who let us later know. Right. Because we wasn't no trouble. And we had all over there. And I just remember just walk past.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:13

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:14

CJ, Isaac, Trinity. Just saying they names, bringing them here, calling it, manifesting it.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:20

And they came exactly in that water.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:22

That's what's up.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:23

Biggest goal we ever crushed.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:27

So let's stay on that same uh line. Uh, what's the greatest trip or date that you and your husband been on before and after marriage?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:38

Greatest date was our first date, which was on a college campus. But we did not have the money that we do now. Yeah. But he managed to get me a steak dinner with some live chattel and a baked potato, and I got to choose a drink of my choosing. Very thankful, not vain. So I appreciated that. Um, but after, I would have to say vacation in or date, doesn't matter. We always was there, Cali. Hands down.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:08

That is our place. Um, we go there to reset, recharge, have a good time. We love SoCal. We we I mean, we have a regimen. We stay at the same hotel, we go to the same place to eat, we take the kids to the same arcade. Like, they have this expectation. Like, all right, we're ready to go to the rooftop hotel now. Like, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:36

Right, right. Yeah. Um, how much, I mean, not how much, how important is it to have respect between you and your spouse?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:46

Very important. Uh, with no respect, you know, you don't have much of any, no, you don't have the foundation needed to keep it together. Um, so respect comes in all forms. Respecting them when they're around, respecting them when they're not around, uh, upholding them to the highest level always, and making sure that you let them know too that you respect them.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:17

Yeah. Yeah. So uh a lot of us, we had different views on this one in particular. Uh, this question, I want to know for you, what is the pecking order in your within your family?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:32

The what?

SPEAKER_00 1:19:33

Pecking order. Like say it. So a lot of people feel like if they're married, it's either gonna be my husband, then the children.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:43

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:46

Then my husband. Or my children, my mama, my husband.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:51

Oh, I see, I see. Yeah, this conversation I hate. Oh, because it doesn't make sense. It everyone gets off of work. Like it does not go house to house. Yeah. In no way.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:14

Some mamas not home, some daddies is, and the kids is, so they eat them first.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:18

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:18

You know what I mean? Like, with me, I make sure all the kids have their food first. Yeah. If my husband just so happens to peep, oh, look, my wife making the kids' place, let me make hers. Yeah, we'll do it. Yeah. Maybe I'll do it to him. We I don't think we pay that much attention to the order versus the need at the time. Yeah. And I just think that comes with emotional intelligence. If the need is, your kids is bugging you, they're eating everything in the house. You're like, dinner almost ready. You're like, you know what? Just put the spaghetti on the plate. Yeah. He's like, I got you. Come on, let's tag team. So we both in there serving our children together. Because we're trying to get them out of our hair.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:57

And then the next thing you know, here come my grandma. Hello. They didn't put that on on the order, did they? Unexpected grandma. So now we gotta feed her. And so then, you know, I typically, because of who I am, I'm like, baby, you good? You you want me to get you? Or no, no, no, no. I got it, I got it. So I always leave him the bigger pieces of everything, though. Yeah. That's just my little touch.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:26

Just to let him know, like, I got you the the four pieces of bacon. I gave them two.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:31

You gave him Julia's plate.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:33

Right, right. Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:36

Man, no, but I be contradicting myself with that a lot. Because to me, it's interchangeable for real, but I'll be like, I prefer my woman to, you know, put me up there, but then I always put the kids first.

SPEAKER_05 1:21:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:49

So I think it's really interchangeable. Like you said, it's really based on the needs. Yes. So that's really how I think it goes. And at the same time, every household is different. So I really don't think it's a wrong answer for the most part. Right. As long as ain't nobody really getting neglected. Exactly. We all can.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:08

Exactly. That's the bottom line here.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:11

Oh man. Um, let me see where I want to go. Oh, how do you prefer to receive criticism or just feedback in general?

SPEAKER_04 1:22:24

Straight direct. Straight direct. Because I cannot take the beating around the bush, the passive, it irritates me. Because now I'm reading into it. And I don't like to do that. I want you to tell me exactly how I need to receive the message. You know?

SPEAKER_00 1:22:43

Oh, that's what I feel you.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:45

Yeah. Just give it to me straight.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:47

I feel you. Yeah. Um, what do you feel the best way to handle like a misunderstanding with your spouse is seek to understand.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:00

Um, and take an accountability once we figure out where the miscommunication happened. And then who was on the other side of that? Oh. Now that person needs to be the one, like, you know what, my bad. Yeah. I was stripping, or I didn't understand when you, I think when you get to that point of communication, then you could be like, okay, we we have emotional maturity.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:28

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. How much how much do you think that the voice of family and friends should count within your relationship?

SPEAKER_04 1:23:40

Uh, well, I feel like this is one of those questions when you apply at Target. I previously mentioned that nobody should be in your business.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:51

Right. You did it. You did it.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:53

You trying to rephrase this question.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:55

Excuse.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:59

No, I feel like they shouldn't have that much insider information to have such an opinion.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:07

Um, if they do, and especially if it's your spouse, they need to ex, you know, respect you know who that person is, the boundary that you have set with the family if needed. That person is coming into your family as well. So they need to understand the boundaries there as well. I think as adults, we need to just be setting, you know, boundaries if needed. And if not, we like, okay, this is how we do things in our family, okay. Now we're learning. You know, and so if we have that type of relationship where you feel like you can say something because you're that's your family unit, okay. But if you have a boundary to where you're like, nope, I don't want to hear what such and such have to say, okay. Right. Then I'm gonna respect it. Right. You know, if it's for a good reason. But at any I often have to disclaim if it has anything to do with domestic violence, we're not tolerating it. Nope, such and such, you're right. Yes, get them out. No, get her out. It don't matter.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:15

No, I I definitely agree with you. Yes. Um, last question. At the height of your marriage, what do you plan to accomplish?

SPEAKER_04 1:25:27

Um, I think they'll well, I don't know about the the height of it. I think you sub you you surprise yourself each year, like we made it another year. So then the ceiling gets bigger. Right. So the that that becomes the height of the marriage. Get into the next year, and so achieving that, especially in the black community, because you know, we're going on 14 years.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:00

And it's like, all right, now let's achieve this again next year. Yeah. That's the biggest thing for us, really, is growing and understanding and knowing like things are gonna happen. You have a choice. I don't own you. I I you're not my possession. You are an individual. We are a unit. Yeah. You are an individual, we are a unit. Let them be them and you be you.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:38

And when you can understand that, but y'all come together to then reach that new that new height, I it's, you know, and I know that probably is not what you, but that's how I interpret it. Yeah. Because you don't you never know what the height of the marriage will be. Because I can say it's now, like, man, loving what's going on here, but I don't know. When the kids get older, we have more time to do things and travel again, and that could be the height of it. Yeah. You know, but it's just looking forward to those times. Looking forward to having a good time. Okay. Because life life can get heavy.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:18

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:20

And then and with that, in closing, I need a word of advice for you. I mean, from you. So, us knowing that life can be hectic. And a lot of people don't have a sense of urgency, direction, or nothing. Um, what advice would you give somebody that's just trying to level up in every angle of their life? Financially, uh, within their relationships, whether it's family, uh, spousal, with their kids. Everything at work, just somebody just trying to level up in every pocket of life.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:05

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:07

I think it's important to get tapped into community work. Um, you know, there are a lot of gardens around the city, right? There are a lot of opportunities to help people, and I think when people realize that the blessing in life comes when you're giving yourself in that capacity. Right. So, you know, the community gardens, you have the people who have like um the pantries, you can just go and get the free food.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:46

Um, when you understand like at that level that you have to give in order to get. So if that's starting with the with community, if that is making yourself available for, you know, uh just you if you have a talent or if you have something that you can give, you know, giving you you get. Yeah. Having a mentor is so important. So many times people try to make the the journey or or map it out themselves when someone has already done that. Yeah, you just gotta connect with the right people, and they can tell you, like, nope, avoid that, don't do that. Now you saved money, time, resources. Right. And you can get to where you need to go faster, and then they can connect you with people who they've run into. So people knowing people to get you places to where you have to go.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:44

Right. Nah. You know, I definitely agree.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:49

Um, and then also just being around like-minded individuals and even people who are smarter than you. That can always teach you something, that can always put you up on, you know, something maybe you've never even heard of before. Right. You you listen to that. Oh man. Okay, now I'm about to take this back, and I'm about to implement this into my life.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:15

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:16

Not being around people who don't have much going on, people who don't, I mean, and I'm talking about social socializing, having fun, utilizing your time the way it should be intended. And I often tell people, like, in my 20s, I said, these are my 20s. I don't have time to waste. Right. Whereas people was like, I'm in my 20s.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:42

What? Let's waste every night.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:44

We doing whatever. Now, granted, I did some stupid stuff. I did a lot of living, you know, just random, spending money like crazy. But at the same time, I in the back of my head, I'm like, okay, we gotta, we gotta lock in, we gotta tap in. So, so my point there is starting young and understanding, like, if your parents have not mapped out life for you, if they haven't given you a blueprint, you gotta tap in early. You gotta understand, like, before you know it, you're gonna be 40, 50 years old, like, damn, I ain't did shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:24

Facts.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:26

Now I'm trying to figure out, now I'm panicking because now I'm half of my lifespan. Facts. And I haven't even gone to Europe or Africa or wherever the hell I said I was gonna go when I was 30. You know, so it's like, yeah, people may look at these parents, like being a Cicerena dad, but he had a plan. Like these foreign parents, they be like, you can either be a lawyer or a doctor. Right. Which one are you choosing? You know, and even if they decide, like, nah, at least they had something.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:05

You cannot let children blindly grow up and just say, you 18, figure it out. Right. Hold on. Pop the brakes.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:17

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:18

You know, they are not mentally capable to handle any of what's about to happen.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:24

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:25

You know? And so once you realize, okay, let me start with the kids, let me get them involved in things, let me get them understanding money saving how important that is. You know, my kids, they looked at their piggy bank, they said, we got money. I said, right now, don't tell nobody, don't tell nobody how much y'all got in there. Right. But it's like, you know, things that I wish I would have done. Yeah. You know, so yeah, just start it young if you can. If not, if it's if it's you know, time has passed, yeah, still do it.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:01

Never put boundaries or limits on what you can achieve. Right. Try it. Right. Seek every opportunity you want. You never know who you will meet.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:13

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:33:13

You never know.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:14

Facts. And this has been another motivational from Chef Jazz. Let's get it part two. There are Post. I'm your host, King OJ. This has been a great episode. We'll be back with another one soon. We out.