THERAPY IN MOTION | WITH SPECIAL GUEST MALIK | PART TWO

KING OJ SITS WITH SPECIAL SPECIAL GUEST MALIK FOR THIS TWO PART SEIRES WHERE THEY DISCUSS HIS LIFESTORY AND HOW HE DISCOVERED HIS PASSION. THEY ALSO DISCUSSED FATHERHOOD, CO PARENTING, HOW THE NEIGHBORHOOD USED TO BE AND SOME CRAZY FUNNY STORIES IN BETWEEN. TAP IN FOR PART TWO AND DONT MISS MORE OF THERPAY IN MOTION.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:02

What's that deal? We back with another one. Therapy in motion, and today we got a special guest. I got my dog Leek in the building. Yeah, I see a group walking towards me. Hey, I'm crossing the street. I ain't even I'm not even about to wait to see what it's about to be like. I see from across the street.

SPEAKER_04 0:20

Hey, but certain certain situations you just gotta know. I think it's more so like a location thing and a situation thing. I remember uh because the the radio station that work at on the west side is over there not far from like Joy Road and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:33

I remember I went to the Grandy's on Joy Road one night because I was hungry as hell and it was the only thing open. So we get in there, it's me. That's the one on Evergreen? Yeah, you have the one on Evergreen. Hey, yeah. So look, I get in there, it's me and three other dudes. You know, it's dangerous as fuck over there. So we get there, I'm trying to I order, I order my food, I'm like, I'm going back to the radio station. So I stand like off to the wall to the side, and I see that everybody like standing in the corner, and I'm like, I ain't got my gun on because I'm in the radio station. So I'm like, it's like it's in the car. I was like, I should have brought that motherfucker in. But everybody just looking at each other, I said, I know we all profile each other because it's late as hell. Man. All dudes, we everybody in there with hoodies on. So we all like looking at each other. I said, hey, this is one of those situations where you just gotta know. I just knew where I was at. So I'm like, I just gotta assume everybody in here got that shit on them.

SPEAKER_03 1:21

And you know, that's one of those situations, man. No, I I I definitely feel you, bro, because hey, I don't care. And I do that on other people. Yeah, because if I walk past somebody's car, they're gonna hit their lock on me. Oh, yeah, for sure. So when people walk past my car, I hit the lock just on purpose. Like, hey, just because I don't I don't get no damn.

SPEAKER_04 1:42

And I know people like profile, because I I got profile the other day, it was actually pretty funny. Yeah. So I was uh carrying my route, and this lady was crossing the street, and she kind of like seen me turn the corner because I was trying to get to a mailbox. But uh as I'm like walking behind, I'm looking down, pulling my stuff to the side, and I could just keep seeing her look over her shoulder. And I said, She thinks I'm about to rob her ass. I said, I just deliver my mail. Oh, you see the postal uniform on, you ain't gotta like, but I'll talk about every step of the way she just looked back. Then when I finally turned to the mailbox, then I could tell it was like, oh, he's just gonna, you know, he's not walking down the street with me. He's he's right here and he's going back the other way. Yeah. And I was just like, that's crazy. But I get it, cuz, you know, I get it.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

But it's crazy, bro. You know how a lot of us, when we ain't have a whip, we carry book bags and stuff with us. Oh, yeah, for sure. My whole life be in that book bag. I got a change of clothes, deodorant, toothbrush, TV, I got I got the sponsor that motherfucker.

SPEAKER_04 2:37

Social Security, no might be in that mug with my kids. I might got a high ready in this motherfucker too's little key. Hey, for real, you gotta you gotta know everything in here. Everything inside this book bag, you just gotta know.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

But yeah, bro, so I'm working at I'm working at Walmart, bro. Uh so this was well, I think like 2018, dawg. Uh huh. So, you know, we get off. I'm used to, I'm hey, TV Denner Shaudi. I'm going straight to whatever I see in there. The Marie calendars was on point. On point. That cheesy chicken and broccoli. I used to do that. Hey, I used to be in the printing. You know, it was a dollar then. Man, about two of them off. Bro, I I went through the evolution. Them bitches went from a dollar to 198 to 298 to 398. Damn. So I'm, bro, I'm every time I'm off work, it's like, if I don't feel like cooking or I don't feel like going to buy something else, I'm for sure about to, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'm for sure about to crack that TV done quick. But I'm for the longest, I'm indecisive. Even though I know I really want this, yeah, I'm still about to I'm about to circle every other freezer before I come back to this when I knew this is what I was leaving with.

SPEAKER_04 4:08

Just because you gotta have that variety. Sometimes you just be like, I just hope that it's something different. Man.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

You gotta go real reliable sometimes. Bro, facts. And so, bro, I'm taking my time. I ain't paying attention, and this is crazy. This is how, I mean, this is why I tell my kids and my girl and everybody, be aware of your surroundings. Uh-huh. Excuse me. So, I'm out to go. I go cash out. Bro, a little white lady walk right in front of me and say, hey, let me check your bag. I'm like, what? Remind you, I'm getting off work. So I'm like, what? She like, yeah, let me check your bag. I'm like, check my bag for what? She said, what what are you acting like that for? Why I can't just check. I said, why are you wasting? I just got off work. I don't feel like. She said, yeah, what did you put in there? I said, I just purchased my stuff and you know what I'm saying, I'm about to leave. She said, nah, you put something in there. I said, well, if you think I put something in there, go check the camera. Cause I'm thinking she AP this whole time.

SPEAKER_04 5:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

AP for the people don't know, that's asset protection. But I'm like, go in the office and check. But I'm not about to wait here. I'm tired. At that point, I'm trying to go. My bus coming. I'm you really gonna piss me off if I gotta wait another hour. Like. You just got that T dener? You going in this book bag if I gotta wait another hour. Hey, motherfucking TV dinner there defrosting. You you down there can eat that motherfucker. You waited that damn hour. Duh. Hey, facts. Facts. Bro, she like, bro, she stretched her arm side to side, blocking me from leaving out the door. Doing way too much. I couldn't believe it, bro. So I'm really pissed. I'm really thinking she working for the company though. So I'm like, go in the office. Well, she said, I don't even work here, bro. My blood started boiling so fast. I say, bro, do you know you could get killed doing this type of shit to people? You don't even know me. You accusing me of stealing some shit from a store that you don't even work at, but I do work here. And you come, you coming to stop me like they paying you. You being top flight security of the world for what? Man, facts. Bro, I had one, the store manager right there. I said, bro, go tell her something for she mess around and lose her life or something. I ain't talking about from me, I'm talking about from somebody else. In general, yeah. Because I'm still more so on the patient side.

SPEAKER_04 6:46

Because you gotta understand, people, like I just seen a story earlier. A dude try, I seen a, he didn't, you know, just a random dude going into wherever he was going. Uh, a guy was attacking his his you know girlfriend. Yeah, he tried to like break it up and the dude shot and killed him. Just because he tried to be a good person. See. You can't, like, and I get it. You you should be trying to protect, you know, women. That's important. But at the same time, you gotta have discretion, you gotta know that a person like that, like, will kill you too, and then they throw it all away. If you if you willingly attacking a woman in open, I know you're gonna do something to me. Man. Like, that's something like as fucked up as it sounds. Sometimes you just gotta look the other way. You gotta call the police, say, hey, if the situation happened that I would like to get involved, but I could lose my life. I got stuff, you know, I got kids at home. I don't want to try to like break up no little riff raff and then I end up getting killed just for trying to be a good person. Cause like now we damaging everybody. Like, I have my family that lost me, your family lost you because you shot me for no damn reason. Like here we go again, breaking cycles.

SPEAKER_03 7:49

Man, so how how do we stop our youth from not even just them, but mainly them, because it seemed like they getting killed more than we is.

SPEAKER_04 7:58

Man, I shit, man. I just try to tell them, man, that street shit is gonna be there forever. It literally has nothing to offer but literally death in jail.

SPEAKER_03 8:07

Right, but you don't think you don't think it's like a heightened sense of street culture now than it was when we was.

SPEAKER_04 8:14

You know what? I I I thought it was, but these young dudes, they more reckless than us, man. Like, you know, people I know people that did, you know, they little one-twos, beat up people, robberies and stuff. These dudes uh do all this shit, go on social media, post about it, or they'll make a song about it, tell you everything they did from top to bottom. And I I just feel like I think everybody feels like they untouchable until they get touched.

SPEAKER_03 8:39

Right, but that's what I'm saying. Do you think it's more now? Like it's not. It seemed like even nerds trying to catch a body, like it ain't. Like, I know y'all been seeing a little white guy that's the calculations say you'll be dead by the moment.

SPEAKER_04 8:52

Yeah, like I know y'all see the little guy, uh, the white guy that was in Tennessee that was going around calling black people out their name and all that crazy shit. And so it's like you see people like that, and you just throw your life away just because. Man. It's like, hey, what's that what's that one saying? I well, it was a movie I watched. It was a ghetto movie. That motherfucker was like, the toughest, the toughest person you know is a pussy, and nines out of ten, the pussiest nigga got a gun and he willing to kill you. Facts. And that and that's exactly what it is. That you know, you'll see a dude and you know he's tough as hell. And he knows he's tough as hell. But he got he's smart enough to say, I'll fuck you up, but I'm not gonna fuck you up. But just know, if we cross paths again, it is I got a time to fuck you up and fuck you up. Then you got this scary dude who just think you gonna do something, or they just they pull it out and get the fire. They they they they itching to do something, you know? Man. They they do like you said, like these the nerds, anybody, if they got a gun, they just feel like they can just do whatever with that mug.

SPEAKER_03 9:55

Yeah, and it's it's like crazy because they don't even have the knowledge. They don't.

SPEAKER_04 10:01

They just man, they get that CPL, they don't read no laws. Man. They just get it and just assume that if somebody run up on them, they can fire them. Like, like, no, it's actual laws, you know, that you have to that, you know, things that have to be met in order for you to use this mug.

SPEAKER_03 10:15

Fact. Hey, facts, bro. I'm going through some shit right now, bro, that my next court date on the 28th of this month. I'm praying I ain't gotta do no time. All because of ignorance within that law.

SPEAKER_01 10:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

I thought that because, you know, I had a CPL, the shit did expire.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 10:36

I had it was only a few months. I got caught with it. I wasn't like out wielding it or doing nothing crazy. I was on my way to get food, bro. Oh man, that's so crazy. I'm saying you said this. Yeah, so bro, treating me like an instant criminal. Soon as he like, you got your gun on you. I say, yep. He like, where is it? I'm like in the door. He takes it out, you know, look at it, all this and that. He run it and see that my CPL expired. He said, Yeah, you got any more illegal firearms and or illegal weapons in the car? I'm like, what? He like, yeah, it's illegal because it's uh yo CPL expired. That's an instant felony charge, bro. Yeah. Punishable up to five years. Which I just uh because they gotta take you through this psychiatric, psychiatric evaluation to make sure you ain't out your shit when they give you if you win and get your gun back and all this and that. Right. So they telling me like this is a new law. Yeah, they did. It ain't even everywhere. It's really in like certain places home and all that.

SPEAKER_04 11:47

So that's crazy that you say this, because this literally just happened to me. But I was lucky because uh my CPL expired in January and I haven't been caring because I know it's expired. And um, man, this is literally this is happening like two, was it two, well almost three weeks ago. I'm getting off work, going home, I'm in Sterling Heights, I'm on the Quinter about to go to Subway. Yeah. I see the police officer pull somebody over. I was like, uh, go to Subway, get my food. I start driving, see that same police officer. And as soon as I get past him, I see him turn out. Okay, cool. Uh I'm driving, a car jumped in front of him, almost cut him off like crazy. I'm like, damn, that's wild. I'm like, I see the car because he literally almost hit me. Yeah. So I see him turn his lights on, I see the van pull over because I know he he just he knew he fucked up. But the van pulled over and he get behind me. I said, damn, I said, Is he pulling pull me over? I pull over. He like, hey, how you doing? Blah, blah, blah. And he's like, you know, I'm like, yeah, I'm good, blah, blah, blah. Here go my license registration, gave him all that stuff. Because as soon as I got pulled over, I started getting ready for it, hand him all that stuff. So then he says, You got your CPL? He's like, I know you got it. He's like, I ran your place. I see you a license CPL holder. Yes, I got my license, you know, my CPL license, but I don't have my gun. And I give him the license, he said, You know it's expired. I said, Yeah, I'm a I'm aware. That's why I don't have my gun. And I was like, also, I work at the post office, I got my whole uniform on. So I'm like, I don't have it because I can't, you know, that's a federal, you know, crime if I get caught with my gun at work. Yeah. So I don't, you know. So yeah, I leave it. I don't, because, you know, I don't want it, you know, nothing to happen at work.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:22

So, you know, he like, okay, well, I'm gonna, you know, do some stuff. So he goes back to the car and he says, I want to search the vehicle. I get out, I say, fuck it, go ahead. I'm not finna argue with him. Yeah. You get out the car, he didn't call back up. It's three more police cars behind me. So they just he's searching my car. The other ones they standing there, I'm standing in the rain, getting rained on. He's searching, he's searching. He just kept asking, Do I have my gun? I said, No, I do not have my gun. I said, I just told you about six times. I said, You just searched the car twice. Yeah. I don't got it. Where would it be at? Like it, like it's nowhere. Like it's literally nothing. And I had literally just cleaned my car out. So it's nothing in my car but car seats, and my fucking subway said I'm sitting in the front seat. So it's just like, you know, it's just crazy. So when I had like, I went home, I looked it up, and I see that that was a gun law out in Macomb County. I said, damn. I said, this is so random. I said, this is the most random law ever.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

Bro, and that's what Sterling Heist got me. That's what I'm saying. It might have been the same cop. Might have been the same. Bro, they slapped fives when they pulled me over, bro. No, after they got the gun. After they had the gun. They called back up too. When they backup came, they get out the car, they slapping fives, way to go. All that. I'm like, damn. Man, so I'm just looking at it like now, bro. It's a lot of stuff. We be ignorant. Yeah, you don't know.

SPEAKER_04 14:49

Yeah, and because I never would have known that if that wouldn't have happened. I literally would have never knew. Right. And they don't want to give you a warning. No, they don't. So if you had it, it's like you going in. You going in. They automatically. No questions asked. And they wouldn't they and you wouldn't even have known that law existed until that very moment.

SPEAKER_03 15:06

Yes, bro.

SPEAKER_04 15:07

So I was like, I was grateful and I'm praying for you because I hope that they work out. I hope that they just give you a slap on the wrist because they should. Because if you don't make people, you know, you know, they have so many laws that change year in, year out, and a lot of them just go under the rug. Yeah. They tell you the bullshit out loud, but the shit that actually you should know, they don't never really put it out to where you should know. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

Unless you're doing your own research. Because they don't want you to know. Exactly. They want you to be in there so they can get that $1,500 a bunk. Yep. And it's like, damn, bro, I went from just not knowing the law to being in GM Pop.

SPEAKER_04 15:41

Exactly. And like, I'm like. All in like a all because of a 15-minute situation.

SPEAKER_03 15:46

Yeah, bro. Yes, bro. I'm like, and it's so crazy because all of this stuff could be avoided. So I really want to tell people to just, you know, do your research. Do it for sure. And then don't just feel like, because our people a lot, a lot of times, bro, just feel like we just irritated. Yeah. By the law. So I'ma still do this just because I'm irritated that you even got this as a law.

SPEAKER_04 16:14

Yeah, because I'm telling you, if you if you get a chance, I'm telling you, it's gonna be some law inside of there that could you can see and you be like, what the fuck? Because I didn't even know that if you turn the lights on inside your car at night and you drive it and the police can pull you over, because that's a hazard. Yeah, bro. Stupid stuff like that that you probably wonder, you might have just turned it on for like a quick second to try to find something that you dropped, or you might have turned it on because the kids say, Hey, I need to um do this, or I need I can't see when I'm doing this. So you just like, okay, two minutes. And then you get pulled over for that little two-minute situation, and they be like, Oh yeah, you get a $200 ticket. You like, damn.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

Yeah, bro. He said he say the reason he pulled me over because my plate wasn't illuminated.

SPEAKER_04 16:54

He pulled me over because my tag, uh, I had got a car wash like some days before my tag I actually ripped. So he said, My since your tab is ripped, I couldn't really tell. And I said, huh? I said, motherfucker, you put the plate in your system. I know it popped right up. Man. So, but he it really what it was is that he knew my my license, my gun license expired, and that's what he was looking for. He wanted to book my ass. Hoping. Yep, he was hoping to book me. And you know, it's not the first time. I feel like I'd have been profiled a few times. I remember one night I got pulled over, and it's funny because I got pulled over to it wasn't the Sterling Heights, it was a Harrison Township. I was going to subway. I said, every time I fucking go to Subway, something go wrong. So I gotta leave them there, foot lows low, man. But like I'm going there, and uh the way the street was, it was dark, so I couldn't really see how I was turning. So I was like going slow as hell, trying to like find my way. And I was like, okay, now I know where I'm going. But they said they thought I was swerving. So they pulled me over, and then he was like, Yeah, I see you a uh licensed gun holder. You got your gun? I said, No, I'm around the corner from my house going to Subway. So he said, but why didn't you carry your gun? I said, bro, I'm going around the corner of the subway. I said, I'm literally one minute from my house. I said, I'm literally, like, I just I didn't even know it was a subway over here. I said, I just found out I'm like literally two, it probably was like, it wasn't one minute, it probably was like three minutes from my house. So I'm like, what would I need my gun for? And I was like, this is like one of the most secure areas. I'm in Harrison Township. I was like, I don't need no gun. Man. Like, ain't nobody looking for me. And then he like, yeah, but you should carry your gun. And I'm like, I know my paperwork was good and everything, but they really just wanted me to have my gun so they can find something. Yeah. And I said, Yeah. I said, this is, you know, you guys just gotta be careful, man. You gotta know them laws, cuz they'll try to jam you up, man.

SPEAKER_03 18:36

Hell yeah, nah, that's facts, bro. Stay safe out here.

SPEAKER_04 18:40

No, for real, stay safe.

SPEAKER_03 18:41

Yeah, um, so we winding down to the end. So I'm gonna come back with that last, you know, wellness check. How you feeling, Brody?

SPEAKER_04 18:50

I'm feeling good, man. Feel like we just had a like a nice little conversation. Feel like some people could learn some stuff, or hopefully people can relate to it and you know, take their time to use some of this information to, you know, whether it's therapy, whether it's going to the schools or, you know, anything. Just use any of this for whatever, or you know, hey, reach out to one of us. If you need if you gotta talk, you know, just hit us up. Sometimes people just need to hear somebody that they don't know or or you know that have that bias, you know, chop it up with them. Because they lead the right way. Especially like the younger people. Like younger dudes, holler at me if you need a job or anything. We can we can work something out. I tell you, it might not be the greatest job, but we can get you somewhere. Yeah, keep your ass out the street and in trouble.

SPEAKER_03 19:33

Man, facts. Younger dudes and older dudes. Oh, for real. You didn't get out of them streets. It ain't nothing in the streets but damn trouble. Get you some cheese.

SPEAKER_04 19:43

Yeah, get you some, get you a couple dollars and just figure some stuff out, man.

SPEAKER_03 19:47

Man. So, uh, we talked a lot about um, you know, fatherhood a little bit here and there. So I wanna just ask you, how has it been in this totality? Like just from you finding out that your you got a son, right? Yes, sir. Your son being on the way and just the emotions and you know how you handled everything.

SPEAKER_04 20:14

Oh man, I think uh when I found out he was coming, it was like, oh shit, like, you know, life is about to change, and it's like you guys you got your little person coming, and it's like, nah, it really made me want more. So I was like, I gotta figure out how to better myself to make sure that he has whatever he wants. So it was like when that was coming, it was like, man, like, you know, you just you just start thinking, you start brainstorming like for real. Yeah. Because now you like, oh this is like, like if it's baseball, like, you know, when you by yourself, you could be first inning your whole life. Yeah, you got kids, it's you got not the end and start to, you know, to move, it started to be the top of the first, second, down, you know, bottom of the first, it's there, everything starts moving. So you gotta, you know, you gotta start getting yourself together to get right for them. So I think I just kind of jumped into action, just tried to make sure I had my own place, had my own vehicle, had like jobs that could actually like benefit him in the long run. Um, you know, so it was like it was like a roller coaster, man. I mean, me and his mom went on the best of turns during that, you know, the whole process. Just tried to make the best of it. And um, you know, it was rough in the beginning, but we was able to like get on the same page. And it took some trial and error for sure. But I think like before he came, I felt like I was just having fun. I was just like, I'm living, I was just living for me. And then now you got that kid, it's like, okay, now I got somebody to live for. So um, once he got here and then we figured everything out and we kind of got on the same page, it was like, damn. You know, like I felt like I was, you know, you was I was like 23. So I was like still pretty young, still thinking pretty young. But once he came, it was like my my mindset started to like evolve, and I started growing as a person as he was growing. So it's like, oh shit, like I'm starting to watch him grow and I'm growing too. But you know, you're not really noticing your own growth. You just noticing him. Yeah. And you just, you just kind of doing things instinctively, like, because you know you want him, you know, to be good. So it's like I'm just changing little things. I'm just working through everything. I'm just trying to make myself be good. Because I don't want him to feel like how I felt. Like, you know, and I like when we talked about when I said I was overwhelmed and just over everything. I want him to feel like me. I want him to be able to talk to us and, you know, live and you know, not have to stress out and be like, dang, you know, I'm tired of all this, you know. So it's like, you know, once, you know, all that stuff, I just felt like we was just growing together, just growing together. Yeah. So it was it was definitely like uh a little bit, like a little bit of a roller coaster, but now it's kind of like coasting, like in a good, you know, good pace.

SPEAKER_03 22:50

So yeah. For me, it's so crazy because it's like I'm watching them grow, and then I'm realizing like, damn, they 11 and 12. Then I'm like, I'm getting old as hell. Yeah. That's how I'm thinking. Like, I can't even really see my own. I mean, I could see it, right? But it's like I'm witnessing they growth in real time. You seeing it like yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:12

Oh shit, like, dang, this is this is my life. Like, yeah. Like I was just saying to myself, I said, my son is he just turned seven. I said, Man, it's been seven years. I said, that's seven years. I can't even like, I'm sitting there thinking, like, it feels like a blur. Hey, facts. You be sitting there one minute, you holding him like a kid, and the next minute he got his own, he making his own noodles in the microwave. It's like, dang, like this is, like, this kind of got out of hand, didn't it? Man, you can slow down some. Facts. So now it's like I'm just at that phase where it's like, I'm just hoping I could teach him like all the right things and everything just, you know, work out for him way better and smoother than it did for me. Cause that's the biggest thing right now, is I'm trying to make sure that he ain't gotta grind like I did. I want him to grind, don't get me wrong, because you don't want you don't want it to be too easy, because you see how kids, when it be too easy, they be too rebellious sometimes. Yeah. I want him to grind, but I don't want him to like, you know, bump his head, fall all the way back down the stairs, and then have to get all the way back up and then fall back down. Yeah. But I'd rather just be like little, you know, okay, let me reset and then go back to this step and then come back up to get back here. I don't want him to have to like hit his head, start from one, and then get back to 10. Because, you know, that grind be, boy, it be vicious.

SPEAKER_03 24:28

Right, no, I feel you. Um, so I got a question and then it's like a statement to go with it. So I want to know, did you feel like a father initially when he was born? And the reason why I asked that, excuse me, because when my sons was born, they my son's is 11 months apart. Right. So after they both was born, I was going through a hell of a lot. Like my pops passed a couple of months after they both was born. Like my oldest son, January 4th, my youngest son, December 11th. Then my pops passed, what was it like April 9th the following year? Yeah. So I was just going through a lot. So I just felt lost in that moment. I didn't feel like a man at all. Like I just felt like, I damn near felt like I was going back into a child stage because I needed a lot of, I needed support and I needed a lot of growth from within. So I just really didn't, I didn't have, I don't think that I had the connection to my sons that I thought I should have had when they was first born. Yeah. But I didn't shy away to gain that though. Yeah. So I stayed, you know, in the mix the whole time. Like I was there, we, you know, was all under one roof. Uh, even while I was going through everything I was going through, it was like, well, I know these are my kids, so I'm gonna be here for them, even though I feel like somewhat of a detachment in the moment.

SPEAKER_04 26:08

Yeah. And um, yeah, I didn't feel like that at all either, because I was in the midst of like me and his mom weren't together. I was like getting my own stuff. I was, you know, in the middle of like switching jobs. I just had so much going on where it's like I was like trying to be there, but I wasn't mentally there. And it was like, you know, then we, you know, we have our issues, so I was like, wasn't like seeing eye to eye, so I wasn't able to be present like I wanted to, like for like the first like two or three months. And then like luckily I just fucked up to say COVID kind of like helped me get into like, you know, everything, everything, everything it just worked out, like COVID happened. Yeah, she couldn't rely on the people that she was relying on, like to, you know, do you know the parents and stuff, uh, you know, like watching them and stuff, and then it kind of fell back to me and it was like, oh, this is perfect. COVID was fucked up, but it kind of worked out, and then like once, also when that was going on, like the job stuff got situated straight. I got my you know, I had my own place. I, you know, I was able to start getting stuff, I was able to start being an actual dad. Like for them, so for the first few months, I felt like I was I wasn't there. Like I was there, but I wasn't there. And then um, once like everything started like going, like with the COVID stuff and everything, it just was like, damn, like, okay, now I'm here. And it's like, alright, so after the first, like, you know, once we started like, you know, being around each other more, it was like, okay, now we starting to get that bond. And then after that, it was like off to the races. But at the beginning, fuck no. No, I did, I was I know, I did not feel like one. I felt like I was a big brother trying to figure out me, him, trying to like line everything up. And then like once everything started to like simmer down and like started to fall in place, yeah, then I felt like, damn, I'm a dad now. Like I'm a dad. And it's like, yeah, it's you know, it sounds bad to say, but like I know a lot of dudes can relate because I swear, like, the kid always comes at a time where you just ain't got it. Like it ain't it ain't right.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

Facts, facts.

SPEAKER_04 28:06

You know, when it works out, it's like, oh shit, I'm a dad. And then you start feeling good about it, you like, man, this is an amazing feeling. Yeah. That beginning part just was a little rocky.

SPEAKER_03 28:15

A little rocky. A little rocky. No, I feel you, I bro, you took the words right out of my mouth because I'm like, I always would tell people that, yeah, I felt like a bigger brother, like an older brother to them. Because well, for me, I grew up with seven siblings under me. Yeah, see, yeah. So it was more so like a parental role that was on me anyway, because my mama gotta go to work, who gotta watch everybody. You know what I'm saying? Like, you know what they mean in school, like your parent or guardian, you feel like the guardian. Yeah. So, and so basically me doing what I was doing for them, I was just doing the same for my kids. Yep. So it was like I couldn't really differentiate between the two, but I'm like, as time went on, it's like, okay, we here. Yeah, we here. And we arrived. So we we've been good for years in that department.

SPEAKER_04 29:13

Yep, same here. Like me and her, we don't have no issues. Like, I I call her, I say, hey, you need something, no, I'm good. All right, what you know, the kids need something, uh, they need this, that, okay, cool, send that. Yeah. Uh, you want me to get it, or you you know, you want to get it, how you want to do it. You know, we just got like a good system now. It feels good to have a good system because I I hear a lot of horror stories from dudes, and I just be like, you can't, you you want to say you're praying for them, but it's like, you know, they don't want to hear that because it's rough.

SPEAKER_03 29:39

It's rough. Yeah, like my shit is it could be, it might feel bad, but it could be worse. Yeah, exactly. I done heard some. Yeah, I'm glad I ain't going through that one. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 29:50

Like you don't want to say it, but you be like, like you a strong dude, brother. You a strong dude.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

Yeah, you gotta cut off, you gotta cut off all the negativity for real.

SPEAKER_04 30:00

No, you do.

SPEAKER_03 30:01

Yeah, but as far as the fatherhood goes, how how has it been?

SPEAKER_04 30:07

Like just oh man, it feels good, man. This is like just being able to see them grow and just be their own people, and it's like, wow, like I remember when y'all was this small, and now it's like I'm looking at y'all and y'all just becoming your own people, and it's like I'm still evolving too in the midst of this, so it's like it's still like dang, this is just you know, it makes you feel good, it makes you feel proud because it's like you was just a swimmer, yeah, exactly. Like, like dang, it just feels so good. And it's like you take pride in talking about them, man. Yeah, like you know, you go places, they be like, yeah, what you got up? I'm going to see my kids, man. Man, that's a good feeling. That is a great feeling. Like, I can't, I couldn't imagine like being a dude and not being there.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:49

Like you just knowing you got kids, but you you not there. It's like that. I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

Yeah. That's a great feeling. Yeah, that's that's crazy because a lot of people do that. They just had kids and just vanished. Yeah. And I don't get it. I definitely don't get it, bro. But what's some stuff that you uh learned since being a dad, though? Um might not have known or thought about when you was on the other side, just being a son?

SPEAKER_04 31:20

Uh, just being patient. That was one thing I didn't really know as a kid. I mean, I was like, I think I was decent at it, but like actually being patient and just taking your time. Uh, and then looking at it from like my perspective now, it's like seeing, like, you know, how I was as a kid. You see a lot of myself, I see a lot of myself in the kids, and it'd be like, dang, I'm I used to do stupid stuff like that. And it's like, you see it, and then you be like, I see what my mama was mad at me when I did this, or I see what my dad was like looking at me like, come on man, why would you, you know, you you see that like you when you start seeing yourself in them, it starts to remind you of like you as a kid. So it kind of like touch into your inner child a little bit. And I think that's like the one of the biggest things that like sticks with me now is like seeing seeing that part because I feel like a lot of us ignore that inner child, and I feel like sometimes you gotta get that inner child just a little bit of attention.

SPEAKER_03 32:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:15

Because it kind of keeps you balanced.

SPEAKER_03 32:16

Yeah. So do you ever uh tell your son like about how it was with you as a child or yeah, yeah, definitely.

SPEAKER_04 32:26

When you were playing with his toys, I'd be like, Yeah, man, when I had the action figures, I was like, I wasn't in it. Like, I was like, I like the superhero stuff, but I was into the wrestling man. I said I had the wrestling ring. Yeah. I was in there, you know, had them Sting climbing off the ladder, jumping off the ladder, doing 450 splashes, you know. Like Sting can't do that shit in real life, but hey, we I had him doing it, like, you know, I was like, you know. And then when I was like playing video games, I'm like, we was playing Super Mario and you know, y'all got all the advanced games now, you know. So I tell them like all the time, like, yeah, when you was, you know, when I was little, we ain't have like download games. I had to blow in that cartilage and put it inside that mug, you know? Man. You know, you don't know nothing about that, you know.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

Right, nah, for real.

SPEAKER_04 33:06

So, yeah, I definitely try to, you know, try to explain some of the things that's different from now and then. Yeah. Because a lot of kids, like, I think uh I had showed him like a DVD player and he didn't know what the hell it was. What? That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 33:19

You know, that's it's crazy. It's different, man. So different. Man, you know what my sons asked me? What? They said, since I was born in the 90s, was I with slaves?

SPEAKER_04 33:30

Hey, my son asked me the same thing, man. He told me, uh, he told me the other day, he said we was talking and he was like, he was like, he was like, how did the dinosaurs look? And I said, whoa. I said, damn, how old you think I am? I said, I ain't never seen a big dinosaur.

SPEAKER_03 33:51

What do you mean? He said, how did the dinosaurs look? Like T-Rex just running down eight mile. Look, I got a I got a couple great hairs in my hand, man.

SPEAKER_04 34:00

I had to go look in the mirror and say, damn, is it that bad?

SPEAKER_03 34:03

I said, whoa. That's case.

SPEAKER_04 34:09

It's crazy, man.

SPEAKER_03 34:11

These kids wild as hell, dog.

SPEAKER_04 34:14

That's so different. I couldn't believe he asked me about the damn dinosaurs. I said, you know how long ago dinosaurs is old, like alive? Yeah. He said, You like it. He said, How old are you? Like a hundred? I said, nah, son. I said, no. No, no. I said, dinosaurs is millions of years ago, man.

SPEAKER_03 34:31

Dog, that's crazy. The kids are nuts, man. Man. So when it comes, uh when it comes to the kids, uh, how important is it to preach self-love to them?

SPEAKER_04 34:43

Oh, that's super important, man. You gotta like preach it into them because as much as I can love you, like you have to love yourself just as much.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:52

And I feel like that's for everybody. You is like you can you can love the hell out of somebody, somebody can love the hell out of you, but you have to love yourself. And especially as a kid, because I want my kids to grow up and be confident. Like, I don't want them to feel like, dang, I'm not enough, or dang, I wish I, you know, had this, or I wish I looked like that. You know, you because when you start thinking like that, you you belittle yourself and you kind of like put yourself in a box. Don't I don't ever want them to put themselves in a box.

SPEAKER_03 35:18

Yeah. So definitely got to. So what are some ways like that they could practice that though?

SPEAKER_04 35:24

Uh just telling themselves, like, oh, I look good, or you know, I'd be like, you know, some of y'all muscles, you know. You know, you just try to make them feel good about themselves, or you know, they do something, and I'd be like, Yeah, that's that was really good, or that was really smart. You know, you just try to like tell them like, hey, you real smart, you know, you thought about this. I didn't have to tell you to do this, you just thought about it. You found these clever ways to do these things, so you just try to like, hey, when you do that, good job. Or hey, I like when you did that because you know, so I just feel like you just have to like preach the good word into them. Just tell them when they're doing stuff right. Or, hey, you did this, but do it this way because when you do it this way, you're gonna look cooler. Even though I know it probably won't make them look cooler, it just it make it easier for them, but just tell them that it makes it look cooler will make them, you know, think better about themselves, you know, like, oh, maybe if I do this this way, I'll look cool, you know. It give them like that that that critical thinking that they need for themselves.

SPEAKER_03 36:14

Yeah. I got you, I got you. So this is gonna be um the last couple questions I'll reel off. Oh yeah. I wanna tap into uh losing loved ones and how you've coped with it. Hey, you said that you uh lost your grandma.

SPEAKER_04 36:32

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:33

So, and I know you most likely lost other people because we all lose a lot of people along the way. But just uh what was that like going through the town? Like, did you know she was gonna pass beforehand, or was it like something that just caught you off guard?

SPEAKER_04 36:50

She was battling cancer, so it was like, you know, you always had that thought that it could happen. Yeah. And then once it got bad, it was like, dang, you know, and it was aggressive, so you know, she started forgetting who he was and stuff, so it was rough. It was rough. My grandma was my road dog, so it was like, ah, man, you know, it's tough, you know. And I couldn't figure out how to cope with it at first. And then I just kind of had to get back to the basics. And it took some while it took a while to get back to the basics. Like, me and her used to watch wrestling together. I like all the time. And I had stopped watching wrestling as she passed for a little while.

SPEAKER_02 37:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:21

And then, you know, when I started thinking about her, I said the things that she liked, I said, maybe if I get back to liking those things, it won't feel as bad. Yeah. So I started back watching wrestling. I started like eating some of the stuff that she used to eat that we used to eat together, like fucking moon pies and stuff. Just the little things that make me remember her. So it's like, yeah, this is my way of celebrating her because I know this is things that she enjoyed to do, you know?

SPEAKER_03 37:45

Right.

SPEAKER_04 37:46

And same with like, you know, some of my friends that I've lost, I just try to like celebrate them. Like, you know, my one boy asked me, he passed. I was, you know, that was my dog. We we grew up together. And um, I still talk to his mama, I check in on her, you know, I make sure she, you know, you know, I try to make sure his mom is good. Whenever she says, hey, I got an event going on, I'm there, you know. I try to celebrate them through their loved ones or in the ways that they like to be celebrated. Yeah. Because, you know, that's how you it's it's still like that empty feeling, but it feels better when you can celebrate them and still show that you love them because they'll find ways to, you know, let you know, like, hey, I'm still watching you, I see you doing this, I appreciate it. Yeah. You know? So I think that's like how I do it. Like, I remember like uh my boy Anthony, his mom had threw on a little ball for his birthday. And I remember um it was a song that came on that he always just listened to, and we was like letting balloons go. And this one damn balloon, when that song started playing, like got just stuck in the tree right in front of us. And then when the song went off, that motherfucker went right in the air, and I was like, I was like, that was him hanging for his song. He was like, Hey, y'all gotta turn it up with me, you know. That's all Dexo Samo on. So you know that that was my song when it was out. So, you know, when that when that song went off, then that balloon came out that tree. We was like, damn, he was right there waiting for us, you know. So it just you know, you just try to live for him and just try to let them know, you know, you still representing them, you know.

SPEAKER_03 39:09

Yeah, so I heard a lot of you being there for them, but like as far as your support goes, like, was people there for you?

SPEAKER_04 39:18

Oh yeah, yeah, man. Like his mom and stuff, she still check on me. She asked me, I'm like, okay, how am I feeling about the situation? You know, she still reached out to me, she makes sure she tells me her birthday, she tells me happy holidays. She asked me, do I need anything? You know, she she just tried to support me how she supported him. So it feels good to know like all his people. Like I can go, I can like literally, like right now, if I left here, I can literally go over there unannounced and go right in there and just start chilling.

SPEAKER_01 39:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 39:41

Because that's where you know where we at. Or, you know, if she wanted to come over, she'd pull up on me, kick it with me. You know.

SPEAKER_03 39:50

No, I feel you on that one. It's uh it's a lot of people though that probably don't got nobody. Or they might have a small circle or family. And for those people, what would you like suggest they do if they feel like they don't have that proper support during the time of loss?

SPEAKER_04 40:10

If you ain't got that proper support, just try to like enjoy the things that you enjoy with that person. Even if you gotta go on like a solo thing, like if y'all used to go to the bar and y'all used to get like long islands together, man, just go to the bar and get that long island and just talk to some random people. And it'll make you feel better because it's like this is what me and my man's used to do, or me and my girl used to do. Just go there, you know, just go there, just try to like get that feeling. Because as long as you get that feeling, then you kind of know, like, hey, I'm still alive, I still going, it's gonna get better. Like, you know, you go meet people along the way. Because you might have to go to that bar to meet somebody special that's gonna be just like family. You might have to go to that restaurant and sitting there by yourself for somebody to come up and talk to you. You know, you just gotta get out and just try to meet people and, you know, keep going, you know. You gotta stay strong because you don't wanna give up, you know. You don't never want to give up. You don't never want to see nobody give up because they feel alone. And sometimes that that person that you probably think won't be able to help you might be able to help you, you know. So just try to communicate with people.

SPEAKER_03 41:09

That's some good advice. Um, and I need some more advice from you, and it's gonna be the last couple questions. Uh, what advice would you give a child that's suffering because one or both of their parents are deadbeats, but they want that uh love and just security, or just they just want that parent there in their life? What uh type of uh advice would you give them? And then what advice would you give the deadbeat parents that may feel like it's too late, but it really ain't like you said, it's never too late. But what advice would you give them directly though?

SPEAKER_04 41:52

To the parents, it's never too late. Don't ever feel like it's too late to mend that relationship. Even once you figure out that you did wrong and you know that it's still a possibility, just go for it. Just try to correct it. Um, just reach out to them and just try to, it's gonna be hard. Just don't give up, just try to love them out loud. Don't don't just sit there and apologize. You gotta put action behind, you know. You gotta put action to it. If you're sorry, show it, you know. Hey, buy them that random stuff, give them that, you know, extra money. Just do whatever. If you gotta show up and just sometimes just go over there and just talk, just do it. And to that kid, just don't don't resent your, you know, don't resent them because it's a reason why that person is the way they are. Whether it's um they mom and you know, your grandmas and granddad grew up that way, or maybe they just was fucked up and they, you know, they didn't really want no help. So don't resent them, just lean on the people who do love you. Like if you got your grandmas and aunts that love you, and just accept that love. Um, like I said, don't hate them. Cause one day y'all gonna be able to sit down and you're gonna see why they are the way they are. And once you can figure that out, it'll it'll feel better to know like they didn't not love me. They just couldn't love me because they didn't love themselves. Because that's probably all it is, nonsense out of ten. So just, you know, just stay the course. Just, you know, still reach out to them, just try, because eventually it's gonna come back and it's gonna, you know, come around.

SPEAKER_03 43:16

I agree. Y'all heard the man. We about to close out with that one. I appreciate you for coming through, bro. This has been an epic one. Oh, yeah, this is a good one, man. Yeah, I I I definitely enjoyed the dialogue. Um I appreciate you tapping in, you know what I'm saying, to even acknowledge that you even know about it. Oh, yeah. So, you know what I'm saying, and and who's to know where we're gonna go from here. Hey, we only go up, right? Yeah, only way is up. Yes, sir. This been therapy in motion with my special guest, my dog Lee. Hey, we out. All right, y'all, have a good one.