Parenting UP! Caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles
Get engulfed in the intense journey of a caregiver who happens to be a comedian. J Smiles use of levity reveals the stress and rewards of caregiving interwoven with her own personal journey. Over 10 years ago, she was catapulted into caregiving overnight when the shock of her dad's death pushed her mom into Alzheimer's in the blink of an eye. A natural storyteller, her vivid descriptions and impressive recall will place you squarely in each moment of truth, at each fork in the road. She was a single, childless mechanical engineering, product designing, lawyer living a meticulously crafted international existence until she wasn't. The lifestyle shift was immediate. Starting from scratch, she painstakingly carved out useful knowledge and created a beneficial care plan for her mom. J Smiles will fly solo and have expert guests. You will get tips, tricks, trends and TRUTH. Alzheimer's is heavy, we don’t have to be. All caregivers are welcome to snuggle up, Parent Up!
Parenting UP! Caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles
Unwavering Husband, Caregiver and Advocate - Dan Goerke
What if you could communicate telepathically with someone living with advanced Alzheimer's? Dan Goerke discovered this extraordinary connection with his wife Denise after conventional conversation became impossible. In this episode, Dan reveals how their mental bond transformed his caregiving approach and ultimately led him to become a powerful advocate for Alzheimer's research.
Perhaps most touching is Dan's compassionate philosophy: "Let her do it." When Denise would wander the neighborhood with scissors, pruning neighbors' flowers without permission, Dan instructed caregivers not to stop her. Rather than imposing restrictions, he recognized these creative moments brought her rare joy in a disease that progressively steals happiness. This perspective offers a powerful lesson for all caregivers—sometimes the greatest compassion lies in allowing freedom rather than control.
From following behind his wife's car to detect unsafe driving patterns to navigating bathroom challenges with humor and patience, Dan's honest account of caregiving's frustrations and unexpected gifts resonates deeply. His journey from anger to advocacy demonstrates how channeling emotion into action can create meaningful change not just for one family, but for millions affected by Alzheimer's.
Ready to transform your own caregiving approach or join the fight against Alzheimer's? Visit alz.org to discover advocacy opportunities, find Dan's book "Unforgettable, Unbelievable" on Amazon, or connect through his Soul to Soul Communication website for telepathic services that might help you bridge the gap with your loved one.
Executive Producer / Host: J Smiles
Producer: Mia Hall
Editor: Annelise Udoye
"Alzheimer's is heavy but we ain't gotta be!"
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We're diagnosing Alzheimer's the equivalent of diagnosing someone with cancer at stage four. There's really, yes, you can make them comfortable, but that's so late in the game.
Speaker 2:All right, hold on, hold on. You gotta pause. I need everybody to digest this. You determined, okay, that's it, she can't drive anymore because you were following her to aqua aerobics or aqua fit class. Yes, I thought that is so cool. You weren't driving in the car with her, you weren't making her watch you drive, you actually let her drive but followed her multiple times so that you could discern this is actually starting to decline in a way. That's not safe. So therefore, your decision I'm sure became it was more emphatic that it had to happen because, as you stated in the book, I think you said you counted six or seven traffic violations just in going about a mile from your home and I thought, oh, okay, and you're not a police officer, so if you counted six, a police officer may have counted 12.
Speaker 2:Example that you gave with your wife on how she liked to walk around the neighborhood this is when the disease was advanced, but obviously she could still walk and she would take scissors and she would prune the neighbors' flowers. Now, the neighbors did not ask Denise to prune the flowers, but because she loved flowers and she thought they'd make she was gonna make them more beautiful. And a caregiver contacted you to say, oh my goodness, she's out here with scissors, chocolate paper, what am I supposed to do? Your response was Let her do it. Let her do it. Let her do it, let her be happy, let her have her happiness, and that's what made her happy.
Speaker 2:And parenting up. Caregiving adventures with comedian J Smiles is the intense journey of unexpectedly being fully responsible for my mama. For over a decade I've been chipping away at the unknown, advocating for her and pushing Alzheimer's awareness on anyone and anything with a heartbeat. Spoiler alert this shit is heavy. That's why I started doing comedy. So be ready for the jokes. Caregiver newbies, ogs and village members just willing to prop up a caregiver. You are in the right place. Hi, this is Zeddy. I hope you enjoy my daughter's podcast. You double K podcast. You double K.
Speaker 2:Today's supporter shout out comes from Instagram. The underscore distinguished silver beard. I'm so happy for you and the entire team. Congratulations on this very great achievement. They're praying hands. There's a high five, the high 10 hearts, kissy face emojis, a bunch of firebombs and applause claps Amazing. Thank you so very much. I think that was in reference to us going on tour in Detroit and doing our three part series with Wayne State NIH. Dr Detroit aka Dr McNeil. It was such a great time. Now, if you want to be the recipient of a supporter, shout out. You know what to do. Leave a review on Apple podcast, youtube, instagram or in our text community.
Speaker 2:All right, until next time. What's up, family? It's your girl, jay Smiles. We're here with a really exciting episode. I know, I know, you're like Jay. You say that every damn time. It's not my fault. The Alzheimer's gods are like. You know what? If you got to go through this dreadful disease? What we're going to do, jay, is keep plugging you in to hot guests Now, I don't mean hot like sexually hot. Maybe they're sexually hot, but I don't know about that. I can promise you I haven't slept. Let me make sure. Yes, I have not slept with any of my guests thus far. There is one in my head, though, that I'm trying to get him on. We'll talk about that later. Ok, anyway, fast forward back to today, today's guest.
Speaker 2:What's so exciting is this dude is a caregiver you know, once a caregiver, always a caregiver, an advocate, and he went so hard in the paint that the Alzheimer's Association said hey, hey, hey, come over here and join our team. Like, he has business cards, from being a caregiver to having business cards, to going to Congress, to legislating what. So here's my man, dan Gerke. It rhymes with turkey. It doesn't have a U in it, though, which is very, very strange. I like to call him Gerke, but it's wrong. So if you're thinking that when you see it spelled, don't do it. Rhymes with turkey.
Speaker 1:That's why I say just call me Dan Right, keep it simple.
Speaker 2:See what I'm saying. He has a sense of humor. How you doing, dan, awesome, awesome, great to be here. Thank you so much. This guy is so well plugged in. We are actually right now in the office of the Alzheimer's Association for the state of Georgia. That is a really big deal. So thank you so much, dan, for making sure that we had access to this space, because there is an energy and a vibration that exists here that doesn't really exist anywhere else in this state.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a very positive vibe here. We're all optimistic about what's going on in the world of Alzheimer's. We've hit some milestones and turned the corner on several initiatives and we're real excited yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So we're going to get into why Dan is super special. That's what I'm about to do right now, people. So Dan has been a caregiver more than once and his wife, who is no longer in a physical human form, had Alzheimer's and Dan was her primary caregiver. But Dan had a unique way of communicating with his wife that I found simply fascinating. And in a moment we want to get to that when I like to start on all our conversations, because so many people are really new to caregiving and they're not sure if their loved one is just aging or is this possibly a dementia-related disease. So, with your wife, what caused you all to say you need to go, we need to go to the doctor?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, and we struggled with that for a while. She was in her early 50s and of course at that age Alzheimer's was the last thing we were suspecting. But she was displaying a little bit of memory issues, but it was more her inability to come to decisions about things and getting confused. That was the biggest issue. She was getting confused. So I said let's go into your primary care doctor, and we did. And the way she was describing things, she said I wasn't sleeping well at night and he latched onto that. So he referred us to a sleep specialist way too long, for about a year and a half, almost two years.
Speaker 1:And guess what? She kept getting sicker and sicker and more confused and losing her memories. And I'm like all these pills and therapies and machines are just not cutting it. So we went to a neurologist, finally that specialized in memory issues and within about six months, because of all the testing that went on, he came back and said do you have Alzheimer's disease? This was when she was 56. That's crazy, oh, and you know what it did? Two things it explained a lot of what was going on. It's like, oh, that makes sense. But there was also the big shock factors like how can somebody 56 have Alzheimer's?
Speaker 2:I had no idea, and that began our journey with the disease at 56 years old for those of you who are viewing it, you can see we have a book here titled Unforgettable Unbelievable. Just in case unforgettable wasn't enough, it was also unbelievable A Journey of Telepathy and Compassion in Alzheimer's Care. Now we're going to get into what all this title means and what it holds inside of it. But, dan, in reading your book, what resonated most with me is how honest you are about being mad. There are a lot of people in the caregiver space. They write something Maybe it's a blog, it's a book and they speak more of just shock and sadness. But you were like I was pissed, and I was like this is my guy. I was also pissed and it appears your wife, denise, she was also pissed. And speak to those emotions and initial frustrations on behalf of both of you, because I don't know that that gets enough airtime.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and, as you know, there's a range of emotions that come up as a caregiver, as a person living with the disease, and I just want to stress it's so important to be able to do and used to be able to do seamlessly and excellently. Driving is the most pertinent example of you know, she was just. I want the freedom to go out and do whatever, wherever I want to go, whenever I want to go, and when it finally got to the point where I had to take away the car keys oh my gosh, we are talking about World War III at the house and it would come and go for a while, but it was so difficult Seeing the anger. I knew why she was angry and it made complete sense, but yet it was so hard to deal with that too, because it's like I cannot give you the keys, and that was super frustrating and caused me to be angry at the disease. I remember telling myself going through this journey either you can't get, you can't get, don't get mad at Denise, get mad at the disease. And that began my journey of don't get angry, do something for that. And that began my role as doing some advocacy.
Speaker 1:Going to Washington DC, People told me you need to write a book because there's so many great stories. I wrote the book with the intention of getting it out there to the caregiving world, to the caregivers, so that they could see this is what this is. This is a disease like no other, and there are better ways to do it than just not recognizing your emotions, not recognizing what's going on. Just please get out there, recognize what's going on and get help. That's one of the reasons I wrote the book.
Speaker 2:I'm happy you wrote the book.
Speaker 1:Thank you.
Speaker 2:You had a technique that I haven't I don't know, at least I haven't heard of it much. I feel like this is the first time I have been made aware of this. You determined okay, that's it, she can't drive anymore. Because you were following her to aqua aerobics or aqua fit class.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I thought that is so cool. You weren't driving in the car with her, you weren't making her watch you drive, you actually let her drive but followed her multiple times so that you could discern this is actually starting to decline in a way that's not safe. So therefore, your decision, I'm sure became it was more emphatic that it had to happen because, as you say in the book, I think you said you counted six or seven traffic violations just in going about a mile from your home and I thought, oh OK, and you're not a police officer, so if you counted six, a police officer may have counted 12.
Speaker 1:He only needed one to pull her over.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly, but just as a technique to everyone in the parenting up community, I want to give that as an example of when you're 10 toes down and leading with compassion around. She's angry. She wants to keep driving. To the extent I can, let her keep driving, I will. And you came up with a strategy that could then inform your heart and your mind of when enough is enough. So I needed to state that technique because I was like, yeah, just drive behind her. Why isn't that like on all the commercials? This is what you should do before you take your person's keys, because then you know for a fact, let's you know, give me the keys. It's time to move on.
Speaker 2:Um, another very uh, because this was I'm a comedian. A hilarious uh point that you describe is um, there was a moment where there were loose vowels and you were trying to get her to sit down, mm-hmm, and she was trying to leave Right. The way you describe the frustration that you are having with each other and you don't even have a chance to put gloves on Right. Share a little bit about the humorous side of that now looking back on it, or even in that moment after you got through it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think so much of that was about taking deep breaths. Often and frequently she just had an issue she had diarrhea and I had to get her cleaned up. She had diarrhea and I had to get her cleaned up. And at the stage of the disease that she was at, she just was having difficulty understanding what was going on. And I had her there in the bathroom and you know, all the while trying to take off her Depend diaper, get something to clean her up with. And yet in her mind, she said, was saying to herself I could almost hear her say I got to get out of here. This is a bad situation, right? I've got diarrhea, I've got to leave and go somewhere else when she was going, who knows who knows Away from this, though.
Speaker 2:This is messy, it smells and I don't want any part of it.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly, and I even don't want this guy near me, right? So it was, and I kept telling myself. I realized that that's where she was in her mind and that I just had to keep going with the flow, try and calm her down. And I did it was. It took a while, it took a while, but we got there and I was able to get her in the shower, which she loves showers. So I kept. That was my carrot, let's get you in the shower. You love taking showers and feeling that water on you. So that was my carrot to get her in the shower. And it all worked out. But oh my gosh, I didn't keep track of the time, but I want to say it was probably close to an hour in there with her. It felt like the walls were closing in on us, but we got through it. Take deep breaths.
Speaker 2:You got to take deep breaths, goodness knows. I've had some of my own diarrhea moments with mom and you're looking at the adult brief and you're thinking did this thing work at all? She could have just had on regular pants, she could have just been sitting here with nothing on and we could have just let it go everywhere, because I feel as though this didn't absorb anything. Give me my money back. At a minimum, give me my money back. This didn't meet my expectations.
Speaker 2:Your um moment, uh, where you say talk to me now. I'm jumping around very purposely, family on the book, because you're gonna need to go get the book and buy the book for yourself, right, and? And dan has so much um information that I want to get to in this episode that I I'm trying to hit at least what touched me the most, sure. So there's a moment, moment when there's a chapter that you call it Talk to me and you are, you're frustrated. You speak on being frustrated because your wife's disease has advanced to the point where you can't verbally really connect with her. She's in the bed. You finally come from the den watching TV, you get in the bed. Tell us what happens.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she was at a point where it was very difficult for her to communicate anything A few words here and there, but certainly you'd ask her a question and she could not verbalize her answer. So, yeah, tough day got her to bed. Thankfully she slept really soundly and through the night most nights. And so I come to bed completely drained, frustrated from the day, both with her, with the disease and at work, and had been having trouble getting her primarily in the bathroom. Trying to go to the bathroom could sometimes take up to an hour just to get her on the commode. Crazy. And I was laying there wide awake she's asleep. And I said in my mind. I said, said to myself denise, this would be so much easier if, if you could talk to me. I immediately heard her voice, the intonation and and sound of her voice in my head say talk to me. And I'm like is she asleep?
Speaker 2:And she's asleep. Okay, Was this the 70s LSD involved? What's going on here?
Speaker 1:Dan, no drugs, okay Okay. A couple of glasses of wine, oh yeah, it doesn't count. Caregiver's necessity there.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely Okay.
Speaker 1:So we all have a prescription for red wine, Exactly so, no drugs involved. Heard her say talk to me and I said I immediately accepted that that was her talking and I said okay, how do I get you on the commode? Easier Easier for both of us, Because she was struggling.
Speaker 2:She was mad at me, Now is this only in your mind, only in my mind. Are you starting to talk out loud?
Speaker 1:Nope, I'm talking in my mind. Every bit of this is in my mind. And I said show me how to get you on the commode so it's easier for both of us. And she starts putting pictures in my head about what to do. And she says put one arm on my shoulder, one arm on my hip, push gently here, turn me this way, do this, do that. And I thought to myself well, okay, sure, so I'm anxious. The next morning I wake up like who is anxious to get their loved one into the bathroom.
Speaker 2:I can't right. I can't wait to try this. I can't wait. I can't wait. I want to see if I pass the test. Did I study well, yeah?
Speaker 1:So I get her up, we'd walk into the bathroom. I do exactly what she had showed me through my mind Okay, and it was, it was a matter of 60 seconds. And she's sitting on the commode and I'm like matter of 60 seconds. And she's sitting on the commode and I'm like, yes, yes, it worked. And she looks at me. She goes get out, like I'm doing, I'm like the NFL football player in the end zone and she's like what is this idiot doing?
Speaker 2:Right? Well, you know what. The celebration is no longer allowed, so you got a penalty right. All of that showboating is not necessary then.
Speaker 1:Right, well, I pushed it a little far, so that was proof of that. I heard her and that she was communicating, and it just it went to other places of caregiving, getting her in the car, asking her what she wanted to eat, what she didn't want to do, where she wanted to go, things like that.
Speaker 2:That's where the telepathy comes in everybody. In the book title Was this your first experience with telepathy?
Speaker 1:Yes and no. I had been on a I guess you call it a spiritual, metaphysical journey for a couple of decades, doing different modalities like shamanic breath work, meditation. I still meditate every single day and I have for, wow, 20, 30 years. Okay, that explains your chill. Ok, and so that explains your chill.
Speaker 2:Ok, listen, how many times. Ok. Parents and family, how salesperson than I could be. Okay, keep going.
Speaker 1:So I had been open to this kind of work in the past. I was not expecting it, yet I embraced it. I said this is going to be a great method to communicate so that I could be a better caregiver for her and make her happier and make our lives a little bit easier Not easy. There's very little easy with this disease as a caregiver or a person that has it, yet it was going to make our lives easier. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, so meditate, that's right Meditate.
Speaker 2:Meditate, we must meditate, that's right. Meditate, meditate, we must meditate. Your continuation with how you were able to communicate with your wife. Now, first, it speaks to the connection of the two of you, because I know some people they could ask questions. All they want to and all they're gonna get back is I know you're not fucking asking me nothing, I'm not telling you shit, it's probably what day we get back, but it speaks to their relationship.
Speaker 2:Um, in advance of the disease, and how much you all were walking through the journey together attempting to say, hey, we're going to face this head on, do the very best we can. So I want to congratulate you on staying 10 toes down, facing the fire that's not at all easy and then to embrace that what you were hearing was really from her and to at least try it. So, family, that's what I would like to say. If you, if you're, whether you directly say your loved one's name, if you're putting in the form of a prayer or just a frustration outburst, whatever comes back next, as the next thought you have in an answer could be from another realm or could be divine, it could actually help and not just be a random thought floating between your ears.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so.
Speaker 2:that's just my little deposit right there. Thank you for that. Absolutely, that's just my little deposit right there.
Speaker 1:Thank you for that Absolutely, because a lot of the messages that we get back, even if we aren't used to telepathic communication, you know, you may be thinking oh hey, I wonder if my mom would like some ice cream. Well, okay, in my world that's her communicating to you that she would like ice cream. That's just not a random thought.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because what made me even think of ice cream?
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly, you know what that happened.
Speaker 2:The other night my podcast team and I went. We had a bit of a celebration dinner and I purposefully did not finish my dessert. It was very good, but halfway through I thought I wonder if Zeddy would like this and I just stopped eating. I took it home. I kid you not, I get home, she's on the toilet, we eat on the toilet, it's no problem. I have actually fired a couple of caregivers that were like I don't want to give her water or any snacks on the toilet, it's no problem. I have actually fired a couple of caregivers that were like I don't want to give her water or any snacks on the toilet and I was like, okay, cool, no problem. So here's your purse.
Speaker 2:Nobody asked you what your opinion was. Right, I had. It was, um, blood orange cheesecake. Very good, I had it, I got it. You know I, I got scoop. I have it on the fork. I give it to her. She opens her mouth as wide as possible. So now you know there's no fighting of swallowing. She chews it. She's nodding her head, yes, and kind of smiling at me. I put the fork down by my side. Then her eyes followed the fork down to my side, as if to say, is there some more down there, like where is the next spoon? And I was like, all right, she likes it. Okay, cool, this is a good idea, jay, absolutely, so I hadn't thought about that. But so small moments, where do those thoughts pop in? So I love it. That's fantastic.
Speaker 2:You spoke about that. Anger of the disease led you into advocacy. That I got out of your book was maybe in 2012, 2013,. Unpaid caregivers accounted for approximately $235 billion. Yes, a decade later, when you authored the book, it was $340 billion. So it's more than another $100 billion of what unpaid caregivers are giving to the system and or losing for ourselves. Give us your thoughts on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that was boy. And in case your viewers don't know, advocacy is a fancy word for lobbying.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, that is right.
Speaker 1:We're going to politicians and I had my doubts as to whether that was going to be effective or not and I thought, well, let's give it a try. So, and as advocates for the Alzheimer's Association, and when we go to Congress and Congress people, we're given this information. And I saw that statistic about the $235 billion that was being spent by caregivers. I thought that is, that's insane. Yeah, that's a crazy number. It's stupid.
Speaker 2:Why are we spending that and where are we?
Speaker 1:getting it from? Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 2:I would like my part of the two hundred and thirty five billion back. Actually, yeah, it's a tax refund. What's going on? Yeah?
Speaker 1:exactly, and so that was criminal to me. So I said we got to do something to fix that, and I have learned that the way to fix that is well, let's get rid of this disease. Yes, okay, back that up. How do we get rid of the disease? Through research, through funding research that is going to come up with a treatment, with a cure, with whatever. Anything, please, because in 2012, we had two medications that were given that were really ineffective, quite frankly, and I had also heard that, because the funding level at $500 million at the National Institutes of Health were so low that researchers in the Alzheimer's world were leaving. They were going to other diseases because there was no money in it.
Speaker 2:Hold on one second, yeah.
Speaker 1:Hold on one second, believe it.
Speaker 2:You're telling me in 2012, the only amount that we had in the National Institutes of Health, otherwise known as NIH, which is the major federal arm of continued research. I want the parenting community to realize we can't count on private industry to continue research. They may research whatever's hot, whatever drug or disease they think will give them a profit for that decade, but it's NIH that does research over four, five, six, seven, eight decades, over two or three people's whole lifetimes, so that we can have real data.
Speaker 2:Exactly $500 million. That was it. You could blow through that in like a week, oh easily.
Speaker 1:In research and we were looking at other diseases and you know, cancer was up at 4 billion, 6 billion, heart disease 6 billion, and great, Great. We needed that level of research on those diseases. And guess what we were? We, as a country, we were making progress, we were coming up with therapies for heart disease and cancers and we're in this world of Alzheimer's where there really are no effective therapies and we said that's not right. That's not right. So what we've been able to do through those advocacy efforts over the past 12 years, we took that $500 million and we said this is not enough. We went to DC year after year after year, telling our stories of our loved ones who had this disease and why it needs to stop. We've raised that to almost $4 billion in that 12 years. We're at $4 billion now, which is great, which is awesome.
Speaker 2:That was a high five smack clap. What that is unheard of.
Speaker 1:So now researchers are flocking to this world. Private companies are doing more and more to come up with therapies from a cure. Prevention Blood test now has just been approved by the FDA. We are at a turning point in that research effort.
Speaker 2:Tell us a little bit about the blood test.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So this is exciting, and I remember hearing about this again back in the 2012, 13, 14 area of that a blood test was needed. A blood test was needed because what we're doing right now is we're diagnosing Alzheimer's the equivalent of diagnosing someone with cancer at stage four.
Speaker 2:There's really yes you can make them comfortable, but that's so late in the game. All right, hold on. You got to pause then I need everybody to digest this. So I need everybody to digest this. Prior to the blood test, which means for Zetty, for Dan's, was always, 100% of the time, always equivalent to stage four in a specific cancer. And and how many times has your heart just sank to your ankles when you heard about, oh, my goodness, it's cancer, what stage? The very next thing you say what stage is it? And as long as you don't hear four there, I'm getting goosebumps. There's hope. There's hope in the in the room. Yeah, oh, it's one is two, okay, three, okay, at least it isn't four. But what we have been fighting and combating I'm so grateful for that. Uh analogy you're giving is shit.
Speaker 1:We're starting off at stage four we're starting off in a bad place. It's only going to get worse. But this blood test, blood test is a game changer, because now we we buy a simple blood test because you may have gone through this with with your mom too is the way Denise got diagnosed was through a lumbar puncture, spinal tap. Well, that's pretty invasive, that's pretty tough. You're laying there and somebody's sticking a needle this far into your spine.
Speaker 2:Ouch, yes, and a person who doesn't know how to be still doesn't really understand because, um, if I'm not mistaken, with lumbar puncture, you're not sedated. That's what I recall. So then you're. You're trying to explain what this is. You can't tell somebody with alzheimer's don't move. You have a a great don't move story in this book. Hey, I just want anybody, once you get it, when you get the don't move, please dm me and tell me write in the comments how y'all feel about the Don't Move story. I'm not going to go down that one, but that was hilarious, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So the diagnosis is very invasive right now, yes, and the blood test is so much simpler, obviously, you know, prick your finger, test the blood and determine whether you have Alzheimer's or not, and what that does is allows us to get in earlier in the disease process, and I think I'll lay out the vision. The vision I would love to see this I hope we see it in our lifetimes is that you're in your 20s and 30s. You get the blood. The doctor says, hey, it's time for your Alzheimer's blood test. And you go okay, you get the blood test. Doctor comes back and says, hey, you're probably going to develop Alzheimer's disease in your whatever 60s, 70s. Yet here here's a set of pills, shots, whatever therapy. Start taking this now, when you're in your 20s, and you will not get Alzheimer's.
Speaker 2:Vaccine Right. Some version of Alzheimer's vaccine supplement cocktail.
Speaker 1:Early on.
Speaker 2:I will take mine now. Yeah, okay, so whoever's listening to this in Congress, go ahead and approve the next step, okay. So I can go on and pop a few pills.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. Oh my goodness, that's the vision, that's what we want.
Speaker 2:Well then, that's what we want. That's the vision I'm going to. We're going to telepathize. I made that part up. I'm sure that's not really a word with Congress. It's a lot of them. We got to pick somebody that might give it back with us.
Speaker 2:Don't just go to everybody in Congress trying to do it. I don't think they could send back some bad energy. We don't want to do that. Dan, this has been such a fruitful and exciting conversation. I'm not really ready for it to end, but you know the time and the clock is saying it is time to wind down a little bit. To wind down a little bit. But before we do, I want to give you another set of kudos. I guess there was an example that you gave with your wife on how she liked to walk around the neighborhood. This is when the disease was advanced, but obviously she could still walk and she would take scissors and she would prune the neighbor's flowers. Now, the neighbors did not ask Denise to prune the flowers, but because she loved flowers and she thought she was going to make them more beautiful. And a caregiver contacted you to say oh my goodness, she's out here with scissors chopping up people's lawn. What am I supposed to do? And your response was Let her do it.
Speaker 1:Let her do it. Let her do it, let her be happy, let her have her happiness and that's what made her happy and you wouldn't believe the end results. I would come home and these flower arrangements that she had were beautiful. I would start taking pictures and send them out and put them on social media. Look what Denise did today. It was just unbelievable. Yeah, you do not want to stop her, and she got to the point. It wasn't just walking along the street, she would walk up in people's driveways.
Speaker 2:Did any neighbor ever say anything? No, no See what I mean.
Speaker 1:It's like let them do it. And that was kind of my philosophy is like you know, she got a bad rap, she got a bad deal, Let her do whatever she wants. So I like that we did.
Speaker 2:I like that. Yeah that's. I think that's a fantastic way to end this part of the conversation. The book is Unforgettable, unbelievable a Journey of Telepathy and Compassion in Alzheimer's Care. Now Dan also speaks quite a bit about his father and additional telepathy.
Speaker 2:But I knew if I went into that we would be here two days. So I wanted to just I say OK, you know the best thing if I really go deep on his wife. But the telepath they started with his father after his father passed. So I found it fascinating that with Denise she was still alive and with your father he had passed. But the point is, if you are leaning into intuition, if you are leaning into intuition, it will help and you can be led in your journey as a caregiver. When you think you don't have the answers, perhaps your loved one can send it to you. So stop sometimes freaking out so fast. Just give them a moment. Give a moment, dan. Where can we get this book? Where can we contact you as it relates to assisting in anything related to the Alzheimer's Association being an advocate?
Speaker 1:So the book is on Amazon. I have a website called Soul to Soul Communication and I offer the telepathy service to other caregivers so I can contact your mom, someone else's parent, whoever else, to offer those same kind of tips, so they can tell me messages. So I offer that service in there. On soul-to-soul communication, I do advocacy work. I would encourage anyone who's absolutely even the slightest interest in doing advocacy or fundraising for the Alzheimer's Association to go to alzorg and take a look on the website. It's beautiful. The Walk to End Alzheimer's is coming up here in Atlanta in October. I'd love to have you join us there as well. So there's a variety of ways to get involved.
Speaker 2:The Parenting Up community. We will be there. We might even be there, you know, with lights and a camera and shake some things up and make some noise.
Speaker 1:Love it. How about that?
Speaker 2:Awesome, all right.
Speaker 1:And I'll see you there with our representative too. Right, we're going to go together.
Speaker 2:Representative Nakima Williams. We are going to continue the advocacy. Dan has been so kind as to say he will allow me to kind of ride his coattails and just jump right on to his lobbying team, which means I don't have to stand outside and watch, and I am grateful, I'm grateful, I'm so grateful, thank you. Thank you Absolutely, the snuggle ups. Number one caregivers, you can be angry, you can be pissed at the disease, from the day your LO is diagnosed all along and the day they die. It's okay, you got the right to be mad. Avoid taking that anger out on the person with the disease. They deserve it the least. If you think you mad, you're going to have to get in line behind them. It's okay. Let that emotion out. Number two Like Dan said, let her do whatever she wants. If what your LO is seeking to do is not gonna cause chaos or calamity, if it's not about to kill somebody or make somebody go to jail, let him do it. He let her go and prune flowers out of everybody's yard and make special bouquets. No neighbor said anything. Now some of y'all might say where'd they live? That must have been some hippie white folk commune neighborhood. I don't know. That's doubtful. This is the point. Go ahead and try it, because there's so few things that can make a person with dementia actually have a moment of joy, and then that moment of joy it might only last another couple of months before the disease snatches that happiness from them. So so let them do it. If they want to walk around in circles for what you think is no reason, don't stop them. If they want to cut flowers out of the neighbor's yard, what the hell? What's the old saying? Don't ask for permission, ask for forgiveness after you do it. Y'all feel what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:Number three consider becoming an advocate in some form or fashion for this disease. If any part of you bubbled up with the damn, I ain't know that, it's that many caregivers, it's costing that much money, it's that little research dollars, if any of that struck you as unreasonable, unfair or wrong, consider being an advocate. And, like Dan said, in this space, the word advocate means lobbyist. You can lobby on a federal level, you can lobby on a local or state level, no matter where you live and how you are hearing or seeing this, it's some lobbying going on. You can go to ALZorg to get started. If that doesn't work, holler at your girl and we'll help you find the right place.
Speaker 2:Thank you for tuning in. I mean really, really, really. Thank you so very much for tuning in, whether you're watching this on YouTube or if you're listening on your favorite podcast audio platform. Either way, wherever you are, subscribe, come back. That's the way you're going to know when we do something next. Y'all know how it is. I'm Jay Smiles. I might just drop something hot in the middle of the night.