A Poetic Memoir

This episode features guest, Claudette Douglas,  a Pastor, Poet, Performer and ordained inter-denominational Minister. She is a Spiritual Warrior and Cultural Activist with a long history of campaigning for causes of social equality, racial justice, community cohesion and greater spiritual Interaction between all people and cultures.  She also has a theatrical background and she has written many plays including the award winning play 1888.  Claudette shares  her story of her recently published book, Black,  Blessed and British, a personal poetic memoir of her life’s journey.

Links: https://www.spiritfirst.online

debbiewilliamspodcast.com

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SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome to Storytelling. This week's guest is a pastor, poet, performer, and ordained interdenominational minister. She is a spiritual warrior and cultural activist with a long history of campaigning for causes of social equality, racial justice, community cohesion, and greater spiritual interaction between all people and cultures. She has a theatrical background and she has written many plays, including the award-winning play 1888. She has recently published her book, Black, Blessed and British, a personal poetic memoir of her life's journey. Please welcome Claudette Douglas.

SPEAKER_02 0:56

Intercultural Intersectionality Conjures up a new plurality experienced through the washed up of Exodus shores. Pirate plunderers face off windrush wanderers, crossing continents, rowing oars. From the ancient kingdoms of Africa's womb, I arrive. Prehistoric traders, architects, labourers, merchantile vendors, uprooted embers, limitless harvest, all of whom first travelled here when they were free. From the earliest seekers, hardcore reapers, planters, teachers, we continue to mould new vessels of ourselves. Our history hinted we would be differently tinted by thirsty sun and genetic perfection. This is my situation, not a fragmentation, but a hybrid aggregation, part of everyone that was and is I come. Middle passage crossing, I also survived, though my past was radicalized, for I was demonized, dehumanized, colonized, yet self-liberated. I come. Many different views, many different clues. In shades of skin, chance of creed, cultures collide. We persist by way of faith. Intercultural intersectionality proffers a new definition. This is my recognition, expressed through the offspring of embarkation, entwined in this space. And time, a newer generation. Now migrant wanderers stand facing shipwrecked wanderers who are crossing continents again.

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Thank you very much and welcome to the podcast. Thank you very much for having me, Debbie. It's a pleasure and a privilege to be here. That was the most wonderful poem. Can you tell me the inspiration behind it?

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Wow. The inspiration behind it, I think, is my own personal journey to find myself. Who am I as a black British woman? What does that even mean to be black and British? And I realized that for me it was a journey of finding my identity, my African ancestry, my Caribbean ancestry, and my British birth. All of these things had to be connected. And it was my journey to find that, which I found my identity in spirit and understanding who I am as a black woman, the connections that we've made. We came and built this place in prehistoric times, which I love to say. We built this place and we built much of Europe and came here when we were free. And I think that's very important. And I think it was the really the fact that we came here on boats. Were they canoes or dugout boats? Whatever they were, we came here and we traded and we made friends and we communicated, and then we came back again with the middle passage, where we were sold, um, kings and queens were captive in Africa, and then we came again with the windrush. And so this constant crisscrossing of continents and time sort of inspired me to find where do we fit in that crossing. That phrase intercultural intersectionality, I know is very much used in whether it's uh philosophy or sociology, but I wanted to have my own definition of what I felt that meant. Those intersecting realities of time, creed, culture, and class, really. So that's what inspired it, my search for myself, I think, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

This book is it's like an autobiography, but in prose. It is, yes, yes. And how was that putting it together? Because it's a very different way and very inspiring way to do it because you're showing difference, sort of enjoyable way to actually appreciate your journey.

SPEAKER_02 5:44

Thank you. I needed it to be an enjoyable excavation for myself as well. And at times it was obviously it's like pulling teeth, it can be, isn't it? Or somebody said that uh creating any sort of work of art is like being a blacksmith, where you have to chip away. Uh, a good friend of mine, Homroy White, said that to me: that creating any work of art, you have to be prepared to chip away, go back to it, put it down, come back, look at it again. And that definitely was the process that I had to go through with these poems. And then to see how I would tell my story to myself, and being a creative person, I found that this was a good way of me, and this is a way I observe things as well. So being able to tell my story to myself or hear what my spirit had been saying to me and put these things down, it was a very therapeutic way and a creative way of engaging with my own spirit. So I hope that people enjoy it as part of that journey with me.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

So you also share within the book your upbringing in Cheltenham. Do you want to expand on that?

SPEAKER_02 6:46

Yes, and I was born in Gloucester, but I grew up six miles away in Cheltenham in the 1960s and 70s. My parents migrated and took us to Jamaica in 1977. And so I went to high school in Jamaica as well. I'd finished school here, I'd finished at 15 plus. But and when I went to Jamaica, the head teacher said that I need to uh start from year one simply because he felt I needed to acclimatize and get used to the culture. And he was very right. I needed a year just to try and understand the language. So even though we'd been brought up with the Jamaic vernacular all our lives, it was very different from hearing it in situ and then hearing all the different regional accents, you know. So it took me a time just to get used to the mosquitoes and everything else that were after me, so I did need to acclimatize, as it were. This book really is about that journey growing up in Cheltenham, one of three black families, and having to fight for our own dignity, I suppose. We were constantly called names. But actually, when I look back on it, those times really defined us because it made us stronger as a family, but it also forced us to find our own sense of pride in ourselves, I suppose. So I don't look back on it with anger anymore. I look back on it as a time that really shaped me. And it was also a wonderful place to grow up. Cheltenham is a wonderful spa town, and so all the wonders of countryside life and country living was something that was very important to who I am now, I think. So being in the park and being with nature is something that is also important to me. And this book I wanted to capture all of those things, the landscape, the childhood, the friendships, and that transition to Jamaica and then back again. That's what the whole book is about, really. But my childhood was very important just for informing me about who I am or who I won't be defined as being, I suppose. So it was formative in so many ways, good and bad. But at the end of the day, it's the the ground in, I realize, and the lessons that God would have me learn. Because I realize that everything that we go through in life, we we can question it and wonder why. But every single thing I've been through, of course, was a preparation, a lesson that God wanted me to learn for the future. So strength that I would have to develop, understanding about who I was as a black person. I remember when Roots came on in growing up in Cheltenham, and the next day some of the kids were teasing me and calling me but a Kunda Kinty or Kizzy or whatever, you know. And of course, I had to beat the hell out of them, you know. But I also felt very proud because that was the first ever mini-series that broke the mold in American television. And the first mini-series, which was a massive worldwide success. But I saw myself represented in those actors there and in those performers. It was my story being told, and I was hearing about the history of really who we were, and not that embarrassed history class which I always remember, where we were stuffed together in the tin can, that famous picture of the slaver ship with black people. And I always remember that it was a very embarrassed class with the teacher going red, my classmates going red, and 20 minutes of awkwardness, and that was my history. So when Roots came along, that was a massive shift for me. But also the way that we were brought up, my dad was a Garveyite, so we were brought up on the blues, on ska, on our history and culture. So even in that sort of rarefied space, it was funny that we were these oddities that were being brought up by a Garveyite in Cheltenham in the 60s and 70s. So the whole thing is weird. I had to do something with it, so I think writing the book is a very way of commemorating that very strange and wonderful childhood that I had. And it's a wonderful legacy for your family as well. It is a real legacy, and I wanted to write it for my family as well, as and all of those people who came here in the 40s and 50s. My mum came when she was 18. She came and uh as a nurse, like so many of our parents and grandparents came to help rebuild this country literally after the war. And we know now what has happened to the Windrush generation and how poorly they've been treated. We only just heard, I think about two weeks ago, that there is going to be officially some sort of memorial or notice taken of the Commonwealth soldiers that gave their lives. Two of my great-uncles were RAF fighters in the war. So we knew all about the sacrifice before anybody had to tell us. So it may have been denied by others, but I think it's something that many of us have understood the role that we have played. And I think it's very important. Somebody said, Why didn't you say black blessed in English? Why didn't you call yourself English? Or there are some people who take issue with the fact that I've even said British. But I think it's very important that we understand and claim this island in in terms of the contribution we've made from before the Europeans reached here, much less after. And the fact that my great-great-grandfather, we found out not too long ago, he also was a Scotsman, which I should think half of the Caribbean have got that same heritage, Scots or Irish, also adds to the Britishness and the real fact that I was born here. And I know that God doesn't make mistakes. So if he didn't want me to be born here, I would have been born in an Ashanti tribe, or I'd be a Yoruba princess or something else, but he wanted me to be this black British woman with all the history and the hybridity and the complexity that entails, and somehow to make sense of it all and make sense of myself and my purpose in the world. And that's really the reason why I wrote this book to find that and celebrate that sense of self, celebrate who we are, celebrate the simple beginnings from which we came. Where the people that came, we persisted, we persist, and we continue to create, and we will continue to innovate. And that's what I'm celebrating. I don't know where we'll end up, but I'm very pleased to be part of it. And I'm so blessed to be alive at this time. I don't know about you, Debbie, but just being, I mean, not that I wanted to witness a pandemic, but one you cannot escape the fact that every moment is momentous, and maybe a time like this allows us to see just how momentous life in and of itself. Life is always a momentous journey. Every day is a momentous miracle that we should never take for granted. And if it takes a pandemic to wake some of us up, then so be it. So it's a good time that it came out at this time where, and I'm glad lots of people have had the chance to read it and just write to me about some of the resonances with the things that they have connected with, or the poems that really meant things to them, or people have cried at certain poems, and that is what I wanted. I wanted to reach out with my own heart to touch other people and for them to be part of the story, and and it's wonderful. And it's the the wonderful thing is it's written from the black gays, but it's a gift to the whole world, and I'm so glad that readers of other ethnicities have been able to connect with the humanity of our story and our experience and find something within it for themselves, and that's why I know that we're universal, our stories are universal. What we went through has got a lesson for all mankind, and I believe that's who we are, as those priests and priestesses that came here in medieval times. Uh, we came here for a reason, and we came back for another reason. And I think they're what the real reason is, I think is unfolding as we see our children and the ability and technology and creativity and the ability to link to their African roots and to link all of that. I'm excited to see what's going to come from that. Rio Cobra, Snake River, Round Bog Walkway. You have wrapped yourself around the mountains of the central plains, old continental. You boast hidden knowledge of many histories, of dugout boats, invading troops, runaway slaves and buried treasure troves, haunted silhouettes as the golden table dip and falls back into the past legends round the gully bend. Each corner hides rapid waters and moorish jars, awe inspiring your deep course to the deeper endless search we have within. Mirrored image of a nation continually in the grip of its own discovery. Spanish worm, you curl your history and snare those that don't know River Road and Flatbridge Corner. And when the rain come down hard, you boss your bankside, and all must look as the heart at the centre is flooded, cleansed, then restored. And then when you let us through, only when you're ready, then we march across, crisscrossing, yet still so much in all of you. It's absolutely beautiful. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

At what stage in your life did you return to the UK? I came back when I was 21.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

I think I had my 21st birthday party literally, and then the next week I came back. And I came back. I thought I was coming back to drama school to study, but didn't realise. Well, people said maybe I shouldn't have been so honest, but I just confessed I'd been out of the country for more than five years then. And that means I had to wait for three or four years, I think, before I had recourse to public funds. So I became an alien, just like the Windrush generation. And in the meantime, when I was waiting for the time to elapse, I then started my own theatre company. So I realized it just wasn't to be. That wasn't the route I was supposed to take, really. So I'm really pleased about that. So I came back quite young on my own, stayed with family, and then finally found my way around. But it was tough. It was very tough, it was very lonely, very challenging. And there were more than a few times when I thought, no, I'm gonna give this in, I'm gonna go back. But I knew that I had to something to search for, but I realized what I was searching for was actually myself. And it was about me coming back to discover myself, not to be discovered, but to discover who I was, and I think that's something I needed to do here. So as much as I did love Jamaica and I loved growing up there, I knew that I was English. My first day of high school or first day of landing there, basically, everybody called me English, English gal, you know, even though in Cheltenham they'd been saying Jamaican, Jamaican, go back home. So it was like, hold on, who am I? And therefore, I think that was part of the journey to find out who I was and where my voice was, and and what was it that I thought I had to say or discover about myself.

SPEAKER_01 17:59

So you went on to have your own successful theatre production company, as you mentioned, and you became a successful writer as well. So this all contributed, I guess, to the writing of your book.

SPEAKER_02 18:12

Yes, definitely. But I'd never published any of my plays as much as I toured them up and down the country and further afield, and not filmed much either. Um and that was one of the things I realized that we just take for granted that we can produce and create whenever we want and turn it on and off like a tap. But there was a time in my life where I wasn't able to write, I had to beg God because I actually said when I decided to be ordained that I'm not gonna go on stage anymore, I'm just gonna devote the rest of my time and my energy to God in this sense, which is madness, because of course the the gifts I have don't come from me, they come from God. And so when I wanted to use them again and realize that no, these gifts were mine, I had to beg God for them. And so writing this book was much more of a challenge than it was writing any of the plays or anything I'd ever done before, because you have to go and mine for those gifts, and that was it we did about mining for the things that maybe I took for granted, lost sight of, and didn't realize that gifts that we think are ours to do as we want with, that we can stop them or start them when we wish and when we shouldn't. They actually come from God, and therefore they're always to serve a greater purpose. So it's not for me to put it down or put it up, it's for look and see how can you use your gifts to be serving humanity, how can you use your gifts to bring peace, to bring understanding, to bring mutual exchange, not to hide them away and say they're not yours or you're not going to use them anymore. So I actually get a rude awakening from the journey to realise that actually these gifts aren't mine, they come through me, not from me, as Kaliu Zibran wrote in his wonderful book, The Prophet, our gifts come through us, not from us, just like our children. And anything else, good. Who told me that it's my ability to perform or do this and I should do what I want with it? What about what is the greater good? It was also a testimony, and it's my testimony to myself and the world. I think when you share part of your heart and your story and your pain and your sorrow and your joy, that connects on a human level. And I just believe that the perspective that we have about our gram or our parishing soldiers, one of the other poems, is or the things that were important to a black person growing up here over the last 50, 60 years and beyond. I think that those stories are enlightening, inspiring, educating, edifying, and it's something that we should celebrate, and we should celebrate that with the world. And this is a time, yeah, Black Lives Matter and everything else. They've always mattered. Black voices have always mattered, and so this is just a time to celebrate that even more. I am no longer inspired by hatred. I am no longer inspired by hatred anymore. You know I'm free from human bondage. I will not be inspired by pain anymore. I'm free from human bondage. I'm coming into purpose. I'm coming into focus. I got to name it. I got to tame it, I got to claim my destiny. I will not be encumbered by the debris of my past life. I will hold it, restore it with love and alchemy. I am no longer. Inspired by hatred any more You know I'm free from human bondage I will not be inspired by pain anymore I'm free from human bondage I'm coming into glory I'm walking into progress I gotta mold it got to sculpt it I'll illustrate my own story I will not be persuaded that my life has no meaning I will use it through time to reach infinity I am no longer inspired by hatred any more You know I'm free from human bondage I will not be inspired by pain anymore I'm free from human bondage I'm climbing Jacob's ladder and I'm seeing all things holy for I'm prepared in height above all that I see in the valley of awareness under the shadow of his glory El Shadi increases unto eternity I am no longer inspired by hatred any more You know I'm free from human bondage I will not be inspired by pain anymore I'm free I've been set free I've broken free from human bondage Claudette thank you very much for your time thank you for yours it's been a pleasure for further information about Claudette and her book please visit the website spiritfirst dot online or follow the link in the show notes