The Single Habit That Could Keep You Out of Therapy

There is one single habit that can make or break a person's mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health.

Do you know what this is?

In this podcast I outline this essential habit and provide seven strategies for embedding it into your life.

Links mentioned:

Learn to Meditate Course: https://www.harinderghatora.co.uk/courses

The Power of Speaking Your Truth book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1982224657/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1634&creative=6738&creativeASIN=1982224657&linkCode=as2&tag=haringhato-21&linkId=349622cd548d1872690124dfd8c3d463

Thanks for listening!

You can discover more about my work on my website: https://www.harinderghatora.co.uk

Follow me on Instagram for free information on healthy, balanced living: https://www.instagram.com/harinder_ghatora/

Transcript

The Single Habit that Could Keep You Out of Therapy

 Hey, it’s Harinder Ghatora here, Holistic Life Coach and counsellor, helping you to bring peace and balance back into your life 

Now, we all know that it takes a lot for a person to ask for help. 

It’s only when things reach crisis point, and we know that we simply can’t carry on as we are, that any of us would ever think about seeking professional help.

I see this in my practice all the time; it is the life crises that bring people to the services that I offer. 

I deal with a wide variety of issues. 

This month, for example, I have had discussions around anxiety, abuse, bereavement, job loss, domestic violence, illness, and relationship problems.

You would think that there is little in common between the clients I have the privilege of working with. Well, actually there is one issue that shows up very regularly.

It is the issue of self-care. 

I often find myself reflecting on the fact that if more of us cared for ourselves in the way that we care for others in our lives, many a mental, emotional, physical and spiritual breakdown would be avoided.

So, what is self-care?

Self-care is officially defined as ‘the active participation in maintaining and nourishing our health at all levels of our being.’

It means taking time out to pay attention to what is going on inside us and taking appropriate action to look after ourselves - properly. 

It incorporates behaviours that nurture and refresh us, replenish our personal motivation, and help us to grow as people.

It would be the equivalent of keeping our cars filled with petrol so that we are ready to drive off at any point.

The absolute vast majority of people I work with are kind, caring, gentle, empathic and compassionate. They devote a lot of time, energy and money on ensuring that others in their life are happy and healthy. 

But, weirdly, they don’t often give their own health and happiness much thought. Self-care is rarely a priority for them.

Over the years I’ve asked people about their self-care practices and discovered that there are certain myths lurking around. 

Let me ask you some questions? Do you buy into any of myths?

For example, do you think self-care is for weak people?

Do you think focussing on yourself is just plain selfish?

Perhaps you think you don’t have time for it?

Or, you don’t want to spend any money on it?

Now if you’re one of those people who think it is optional, and nothing more than an indulgence, then I’d invite you to think again. 

Because here’s the thing…. you really can’t be there for anyone else if you don’t look after yourself first. 

If you have people relying on you, then self-care is not a selfish thing to do but a selfless thing to do. It shows that you put your loved ones first by doing all you can to remain as healthy, energised and motivated as you can possibly be. 

At the end of the day, you are no good to anyone if you have a mental breakdown, or struggle to manage your own needs due a chronic health condition or, worse still, aren’t here at all.

And, if you’re a parent, it’s even more important. Not only are there are little people relying on you to care and provide for them, but your actions are teaching your children important life skills. We all know that kids learn from what we do, not from what we say. We are role models to our kids. If they see us looking after ourselves, then they are more likely to do the same as adults.

Now if you’re one of those people that constantly finds you have no time for self-care then allow your mind to drift back to the last time you were ill. 

Illness has a very frustrating way of forcing us to take time out of life, whether we want to or not. So, isn’t it better to live life on our own terms and do everything we can to avoid getting unwell in the first place?

And, as for not wanting to spend money on yourself, well, as you’ll hear in a moment most self-care practices are free. And, if you do need to spend a little money, but feel guilty, then reflect on your sense of self-worth. What does this say about the value you place on yourself? After all, we only spend our hard-earned money on things we value. Are you simply not worth it?

If you want to live a happy, healthy, balanced life - one that is full of vitality, vibrancy and enthusiasm - self-care is not an option, it is an absolute necessity.

Building up a repertoire of reliable self-care habits can positively affect the quality of your life, both now and in the future.

Here are seven things to think about:

1. Go Back to Basics

Make sure you eat healthily, stay sufficiently hydrated, get enough sleep, are active, and get outside every single day for some fresh air. 

2. Establish a Daily Quietness Ritual

Allocate 10/20 minutes every day just to be still. Reconnect with yourself. Your physical body, your emotions, and your soul are always trying to communicate important information to your conscious awareness. Slow down, cultivate the energy of quietness within, and simply listen to what is going on in your inner world. You will pick up the signs if something is not right long before things reach crisis point. And, you can then proactively do something to bring yourself back into balance. 

3. Practice Active Relaxation

Relaxation is more than simply doing nothing. Active relaxation involves intentionally doing things to bring down your stress levels. Different things work for different people, but effective techniques include breathing exercises, yoga, Pilates, tai chi, chi gong, being out in nature and meditation. I have a six-week home study course called Learn to meditate if you’re new to this. You can find a link to this in the show notes below. 

4. Reconnect with Something that Gives You Joy

There is nothing like an engaging hobby to take your mind away from everyday pressures and help you to recharge your batteries. Schedule in some regular time for a hobby that you love doing. If you don’t have an activity in mind, then think back to your younger life and rekindle a favourite pastime. Or, take up a brand-new pursuit. Try out a few different things. You never know what might spark an interest and turn into an enjoyable pastime. Engaging with our hobbies provides us with the highest quality ‘me’ time we can get simply because we enjoy doing them. 

5. Invest in Yourself

A great way not only to take time out, but also feel really good about yourself is to invest in your personal development. This can include anything that helps you to develop your knowledge, skills and talents, challenge and engage your mind, increase your potential, and help you to realise your dreams and aspirations. With the huge rise in the availability of online courses you don’t even need to leave your house. Although it is nice to meet new people if you join an actual in-person course somewhere local. 

6. Learn to be Assertive

Self-care is also about communication. It is about learning to pay attention to your own needs and then learning to communicate these needs clearly and respectfully to others. 

Another key aspect of self-care is establishing, maintaining and protecting your personal boundaries. Identify unhealthy boundaries and work to change them. Unhealthy boundaries can include things like: saying ‘yes’ all the time (when you want to say ‘no’); constant people pleasing; feeling responsible for other people’s emotions and happiness; being overly concerned about other people’s opinions; and having a weak and disempowered sense of self.

If you’d like to work on becoming more assertive then check out my book The Power of Speaking your Truth; How to become confident and assertive. It’s an easy to read, practical, down-to-earth self help guide. It’s available on Amazon and I’ve included a link in the show notes below. 

7. Be Your Own Best Friend

Learn to be kind, warm and attentive towards yourself. 

I’ve had to work really hard to boot hard out the negative voice that permanently resided in my head in my earlier life. 

I’m sure you can relate to that voice. You know that one that’s always constantly judging you and making harsh and unforgiving comments about you to you.

Whenever you find yourself being self-critical, ask yourself if you would ever treat your best friend in that way. If not, then why do it to yourself? 

This issue ultimately boils down to self-respect. If you want the world to respect you, then you’ve got to start respecting yourself first. 

We rarely know what life is going to throw at us, but if we cultivate a healthy, loving, caring attitude towards ourselves, we can not only rest assured that we are doing everything within our power to stay happy, healthy and balanced, but we can also nip any impending internal crisis in the bud way before it reaches a life disrupting level.

So, take excellent care of yourself. Because we both know that if you don’t no one else will.

If you enjoyed listening then do subscribe and be sure to get onto my mailing list from the home page of my website: www.harinderghatora.co.uk

Let me end this podcast with a quote from Danielle La Porte. She said, “Self-care is a divine responsibility.”

I’ll leave you to think about that …