Aligning with Your True Self

050—Do you know who you truly are? Believe it or not, most of us don’t. We confuse what we do, what we have, or our reputation for who we are, living a life driven by who we think we are or should be. 

Are you feeling stuck? Not yourself? Adrift? You may be living out of alignment with your true self. 

Listen to Mary as she shares the signs of being out of alignment, how we likely got there, and how to find our way back in.

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To contact Mary, email her at:
mary@maryobana.com

To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To learn more about having Mary connect you directly to your own spiritual guidance, visit:
maryobana.com/private-reading

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

To contact Mary directly or get added to receive her newsletter, please email her at:
mary@maryobana.com

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To learn more about Mary's work with The Food Whisperers, please visit:
thefoodwhisperers.com

To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To learn more about having Mary connect you directly to your own spiritual guidance, visit:
maryobana.com/private-reading

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

Transcript

Mary Obana 0:05 

I'm Mary Obana. Welcome to Shine. I’m all about friendly, soul-nourishing, spiritually-inspired conversations that expand perspectives and offer practical guidance so you can live joyfully and shine brightly. 

I believe:

Everyone has something special within them, a unique gift—a light you are to find and share with the world. You are meant to shine. 

I believe:

You have a deep knowing; guidance that is ready to serve you. It is always available if you listen. 

I believe:

You are meant to live with complete joy and peace—nothing less. It’s just awaiting your allowing. 

Ready to get to it? Here we go!

Mary Obana 00:53

Well, hello!  

Welcome to Episode 050 of the Shine podcast. Can you believe it!? Fifty episodes. I am so grateful to be doing this work. Thank you for inviting me to spend this time with you.

One of the things that brings me great joy is helping people find that true peace that comes from knowing they are exactly where they are meant to be, BEING who they are meant to be, shining their bright light in a way only they can.

When people find their way to me, it’s usually because:

1.     They feel stuck in some way, not in the full groove of their life. They aren’t feeling the way they want to feel—maybe they’re worried, or anxious, or uncertain; or

2.     Maybe something has shifted for them. Maybe all their kids have gone off to school, and they feel adrift. Maybe they’ve experienced loss—loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or a way of life. Whatever the reason, they feel out of sorts. They often say they don’t feel “themselves”; or

3.     They have felt a pull or a desire to deepen their spiritual connection

My work is to help people receive clarity. With clarity, you can shift your energy to get on the path you are meant to be on to feel the way you are meant to feel. And while every circumstance is unique, as I’ve worked with hundreds of people over these past two years, I’ve learned that what is often at the core of our discontent is being out of alignment with who we are. 

Alright, huh? What does that mean to be out of alignment with who we are? We are who we are, so how can that happen?

When you are aligned with who you are meant to be—your true self—you feel an utter sense of peace. You don’t feel stuck, out of sorts, or adrift. Let me explain it this way.

Do you know what it feels like when your wheels are out of alignment? It can be on your car or even a grocery cart. When wheels are out of alignment, you are pulled in the wrong direction, and the ride is rough and bouncy. The tires are squealing. It’s noisy and distracting—a very unpleasant ride. And it takes a lot of extra energy to pull it back and keep it on track to go where you are supposed to go. All your attention is drawn to what’s wrong. When things are out of alignment, it’s hard to appreciate the beauty around you, discover new things, or be joyful. Everything takes more effort. It’s exhausting.

But what happens when those wheels are IN alignment? There’s an effortless ease. Everything just rolls smoothly, so much so that you don’t even notice the rolling. You’re just GOING. Enjoying the ride. Nothing is slowing you down or distracting your attention. No aggravation or fighting or forcing. It’s peaceful. Carefree. Without RESISTANCE. That’s pure alignment.  

But to continue with the analogy (I am beating the heck out of this one, aren’t I!?), when you align your wheels, it isn’t actually adjusting the tires themselves. It’s adjusting the car’s suspension—the system that connects your vehicle to its wheels. Sometimes, I think when we are focused on feeling better, we think we just need to switch out the proverbial tires, but it never seems to do the trick. I suppose I’m more like a car mechanic or technician working with you on the system to connect you to yourself so you can enjoy lasting change and fully enjoy the ride. 

Mary Obana 05:07

So, how do we get out of alignment in the first place?

There are two primary ways we get out of alignment: 

First, just as our cars can get knocked out of alignment by an accident, driving over a pothole, or running into a curb, so too can we get thrown out of alignment by an event—a loss of some kind, a diagnosis, a shift in our way of life. Our attention has been diverted, and we can feel lost. We are mentally immersed in coming to terms with whatever has occurred. We have been derailed. So that’s the first way we can get out of alignment.

But the second way that we can get out of alignment is through conditioning, and it starts early with the help of the ego, that part of our mind that tries to control our thinking and behavior. And it happens to all of us. And this is how.

Instead of being who we truly are—that unfaltering, unapologetic, confident, loving, compassionate, gifted, connected soul that just IS—we unconsciously identify with our mind, where the ego is fast at work. Our ego is the mind-created phantom self that we carry around with us. But we are so identified with this phantom or false self that we become it or confuse ourselves as being it.

The ego comes from thought. Our true self, on the contrary, just IS. 

The ego is any image you have of yourself that gives you a sense of identity. It can be the house you live in, your title, or your political affiliation. No matter what it is, if you identify yourself through it and it defines how you are different from others, your ego is at work. Separation is an intrinsic part of the ego. Because see we are connected, not separated. We literally create our identity, an illusory self in our mind, and we lose our way. We become disconnected from who we truly are. We are not our minds. Our mind is external to who we are. 

What now? Yeah, I know. Stick with me. Let’s unpack this. 

Mary Obana 07:43

It begins when we are an infant. Early on in our lives, in the words of the late, great Wayne Dyer, we are led to believe that who we are is what we do, what we have, and what others think of us. So the creation of this false self begins.

Let’s start with “We are what we DO.”

From our earliest years, we implicitly learn that what we do and how well we do it defines us favorably. When we take our first step and see the look on our parents’ faces as they clap enthusiastically, rewarding us with loving hugs, our mind connects that when we do things well, it has value. When our teacher put a smiley face or star on the top of our drawing when we colored within the lines, we learned early about accomplishment. When we see that the first student to complete their work is rewarded with more recess time, we learn that doing things faster is worthwhile. When we get that report card with high marks, we receive praise and even rewards—maybe our parents take us out for ice cream to celebrate. And our mind tells us to feel good about ourselves. This continues to be reinforced our entire lives in countless ways. So we devote our lives to DOING. Our ego prods us to work harder, accomplish more, and before we know it, we equate what we DO with who we ARE. 

And, if we feel as if we have failed, we place our worth as human beings in jeopardy.

How often have you met someone new, and the first thing you are asked as they presumably get to know you is, “So, what do you do?” Yup, it’s easy to equate who we are with what we DO.

“We are what we HAVE.”

We learn that the more stuff we accumulate, the more important we are. The huge house, the fancy car, the designer clothes, the big job… and the world responds favorably. Our minds quickly connect what we have to who we are. If we have lots, then we feel “successful.” The ego is all about “more,” convincing us that when we… once we… then we will feel better, be happier or whatever it convinces us it will bring us. But it never ends. The ego’s appetite for more is insatiable. It can never be satisfied. This is a tell-tale sign that you are feeding the false self because your true self doesn’t need anything external to bolster its value. It just IS.

“We are what others THINK OF US.”

When we are young, we are led to believe that others know better than us—parents, teachers, friends, and so we value their opinions over our own. As we grow, we become rooted in this externally focused belief that our worth comes from the observations and opinions of others—professors, bosses, people in our community—so we become keenly aware of how others perceive us. Reputation then becomes a cornerstone of our identity. If others think we are intelligent, accomplished, put-together, and have the “perfect life,” our mind tells us to feel a certain way about ourselves. So we spend our lives creating and protecting the image of what we appear to be; this image becomes so entwined with our self-worth that we even factor how people will perceive us into our decisions, whether it’s the neighborhood we move into, the school we go to, the occupation we pursue, or even how we vote. Our identity and self-worth become dependent upon the approval of others. This immersion into the false teachings of the ego gradually erodes our sense of self-worth. Self-esteem stems from internally held positive beliefs about ourselves, not from the approval of others. If we truly know who we are, we can ignore those ego messages and simply regard the opinions of others as just that: opinions. Instead, we are lured into disregarding our true selves.

So we learn to equate our value to our acquisitions, achievements, and reputation, which shape the way we live our life and our understanding of who we are. All EXTERNALLY focused, manufactured things. Our minds have created our identity. And so there we are. Separate, identifying with our false self rather than connected to who we truly are. To what IS.

And we become attached to this created sense of self. We spend our time doing things out of obligation rather than because they bring us joy. We go to events or go out with people because something in our mind tells us that we “should” —I don’t want anyone to think badly of me, or I may be missing an opportunity for career advancement, I will feel guilty if I hurt their feelings, and so on, even though you’d prefer to stay home to finish that great book or spend time with someone you can talk to about what you are really interested in. And we live our lives this way. Doing what we think we should instead of what brings us joy.

Mary Obana 14:06

We use words and phrases like “stuck,” “disconnected,” “adrift,” or “not myself” to describe how we feel because, in the depths of our souls, we know. We know we aren’t ourselves. We have been so busy doing, accumulating, and accomplishing, living our life fulfilling the perceived expectations of others, we’re exhausted and empty. It’s no longer satisfying. And we are noticing. We yearn to be connected to what is meaningful to us.

Yes, everyone seeks happiness, but what is at the heart of the matter is alignment with our true selves—the truth within us. Everyone is meant to find this alignment, but it requires a connection to our inner truth. To be true to ourselves.

When we feel out of alignment, it’s because our energy has been diverted outside, external to us. We focus on others, our family's needs, our responsibilities, our work, our friends, maintaining our reputation, more doing for more having. External focus also includes the attention we give our mind, which is external to us. It isn’t who we are. So much thinking, worrying, doubting, stressing, judging, regretting, guilt – all creations of the mind! Managing and meeting the expectations we believe others have of us and our expectations of ourselves. There’s just no break from it—so much noise. 

We can’t think our way to peace. We can’t “do” our way to peace. True peace only comes from being in pure alignment with who you truly are. And you won’t ever find it outside of you. Because it’s WITHIN you. It’s already THERE. Waiting.

I enjoy helping people find their way back to themselves. And for each person, the path is different. Because we all have different things that are holding us back. But it starts with acknowledgment. The courage to acknowledge that you aren’t feeling how you want to feel. The recognition that your focus has been on everything and everyone but yourself. The choice to make a change. Because you CAN.

So the magic question: how do we get there? HOW do we get realigned with who we are? Are you ready?

Well, here’s a start: follow the energy. We are constantly being guided, but we don’t always realize it. Energy is one of the most significant forms of guidance. Pay attention to the way you FEEL. You are meant to live in this high vibration zone. The highest vibration emotions? Love, gratitude, joy, passion, trust. When you are doing things that make you feel good, that fuel your soul, that is energy in action, guiding you. Yeah, do more of that. When you are doing things that feel draining, soul robbing, that’s guidance, too. Yeah, do less of that. Tapping into your energy – how you are feeling – is guidance. Pay attention. But get your mind out of the way. Resist the urge to overthink or overanalyze or jump ahead. Just be present.

Joy is a high vibration emotion. We are meant to live in a high-vibration place. So follow the joy. Joyful experiences are like breadcrumbs back to our souls. Leading us to who we truly are. What is joyful to each of us is unique. But it’s shocking how little time we spend in joy. Every day we are supposed to look for the things that bring us joy, whatever that might be. Maybe a book catches your attention and looks interesting to you. Guess what? Read it! If a workshop, lecture, or opportunity suddenly excites you, attend it! If something sounds fun, do it! All without question or hesitation. Go into every experience without expectation of what it might lead to; simply embrace what it is for the immediate joy of it. And who we truly are is aligned with the highest energy and vibration of all. To get aligned with who we are, follow the joy. It will always lead us where we are meant to be. Not to mention, when we string together joyful days, it makes for a joyful life. 

Mary Obana 19:20

If you feel disconnected, adrift, stuck, or not in the groove, I know you are being guided to awaken to it all. And once you do, things open up and unfold in magical and often unexpected ways. 

You are not alone. 

Living in truth is living through the soul. Not through the MIND—because truth does not live there.

As I shared at the top of this episode, helping people find that true peace that comes from knowing they are exactly where they are meant to be, BEING who they are meant to be, shining their bright light in a way only they can—this is what brings me great joy. If I can be of help, reach out to me at mary@maryobana.com. 

Here’s to YOU and to living in alignment with who you truly are so you can fully enjoy the ride. It’s always right there, waiting for you.

If you’ve enjoyed this podcast, please rate, review and share it. So someone else can enjoy the ride, too.

Thank you for joining me on this 50th episode. Until next time. Take it easy.