When You Lose a Loved One

053—One of the things each of us will inevitably face is the loss of someone dear. How do we process the loss of a loved one?  How do we heal?

Listen as Mary invites us in on her own personal journey as she processes the loss of her beloved brother, John. Raw and honest, Mary shares how she is leaning on her spirituality in this time of loss in the hopes that it helps others find peace.

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To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To learn more about having Mary connect you directly to your own spiritual guidance, visit:
maryobana.com/private-reading

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

Transcript

Mary Obana 0:05 

I'm Mary Obana. Welcome to Shine. I'm all about friendly, soul-nourishing, spiritually-inspired conversations that expand perspectives and offer practical guidance so you can live joyfully and shine brightly. 

I believe:

Everyone has something special within them, a unique gift—a light you are to find and share with the world. You are meant to shine. 

I believe:

You have a deep knowing; guidance that is ready to serve you. It is always available if you listen.

I believe:

You are meant to live with complete joy and peace—nothing less. It's just awaiting your allowing. 

Ready to get to it? Here we go!

Mary Obana 00:54

Hi there. I'm glad you are here.

One of the things each of us will inevitably face through our life journey is the loss of someone dear. How do we process such an event in our lives?

It's something I am experiencing in this very moment as I sadly lost my beautiful brother, John. John is my oldest brother, a caring, thoughtful soul, always protective and devoted to those he loved. It was his nature always to look out and care for all of us with that brilliant mind and enormous heart. 

And while we are all still processing the full reality of our loss of this remarkable human at just 62 years of age, I know within my soul that it was his time and that he had learned what he came here to learn, given what he came here to give, and loved – something he gave and received in the way only he could.

So why? Why do we lose loved ones when we do? 

In this brief episode, I thought I’d share what I’m thinking about now while I am in the midst of it all, recognizing that it will evolve in its own way.

I am certainly no grief expert, but I do have a spiritual perspective of my own understanding that informs WHY we lose loved ones when we do. This perspective is helping me heal. I am leaning on it fully at this moment. 

We are souls coming to this life experience to learn and grow and as souls, we come from the non-physical realm – an existence where all we feel is love and where everything is all-knowing. There's no pain, no struggle, no fear, no sadness. Just love. It's beautiful. It's peaceful. But the thing about this place is that we cannot grow there. Because we grow through experiences—our relationships, our unique circumstances, our range of emotions, our joy, our challenges, our greatest struggles, and our heartbreak. We feel things. We face things. We grow from these things.

And we do it again and again because we learn different things each time we come to this earth school. Between lives, we gather with other souls to plan what we need to learn. I have this picture of how it all goes down, too, again a reflection of my own understanding. It goes like this:

So we have soul families. Yeah, just like we have families here, we have soul families– you know, the ones we are closest to. Before we come here, we gather in a conference room (see what I mean when I say my own understanding! Haha!), agreeing on what we each need to learn this time around. Maybe for one, it's compassion, so they need to create a life that gives them experiences to understand what that truly is. Maybe another needs to learn about forgiveness and grace so they come into a life experience that supports that opportunity. Every soul decides on the focus this time around. Then they divvy up roles, like a play—one agrees this time around to play the part of the father, another the brother, another the mother, another the spouse, another the nasty neighbor, you get the picture. Then other souls are pulled in to play different necessary roles. Then, spirit guides are assigned to each soul. Their only job is to guide that specific soul to the people and experiences required to gain the learning and growth it needs. Then, ACTION!

And if you think this means that every situation and circumstance of our lives is pre-determined, this is not what I mean. It means in the larger context of our lives; we learn what we must. 

Once it all plays out and we have acquired all the growth we came here for, we bug out and return to the non-physical. We review how it went, we may need time to process it all, and then we absorb all that learning. And our souls expand. Then, assuming there's more to learn—and there usually is—when we are ready, back we go.

As I shared in the last episode, the Law of Thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only take on different forms. We are energy. The energy of our souls cannot be destroyed. So when we die, while we are not in the same physical form, we still ARE our whole "soul selves." Think of it this way. Imagine standing in your bedroom. Let's say all the walls and furniture were taken away as you still stand there in that same spot. The walls and furniture defined the space for that time, but you are still there, right? It's just not a bedroom. This is the way I think about us. We are souls that take up residence in these human bodies. But when the human body dies, WE STILL EXIST. The energy of our souls, the essence of our existence, never dies. And the energy of our souls – that energy is LOVE, and that love connects us to all love. We are always connected with those we have shared love with, always. 

So, back to how do we process things when we lose someone we love? First, they are still with us through all the memories from our shared experiences, the people they touched, and energetically love NEVER ends. In this, I find great comfort. Second, they have returned to the non-physical—remember, this is the existence where it is ALL and ONLY love. There’s no pain, no struggle, just peace there! To know my brother's health challenges are no more is a relief. Third, if they have left this life experience, it's only for one reason: they finished what they came here to learn. For John, this makes me happy for him. And finally, because WE are still here, it means for all those left behind, there is more for each of us to experience and learn. And for that, I have tremendous gratitude.

I love my brother, John, more than words can ever express. His love and encouragement are beyond what any sister could ever hope for from a brother, shaping and supporting me in extraordinary ways. I am so grateful. I know he has contributed to my growth as he has for countless others and that he is and will always be with me. He is part of me. He is all around me. He is around all those that he loved, and that loved him. And that love will never ever end. This gives me great peace. 

Living a life loving, living a life learning, living a life that allows us to grow, to be touched, and to touch others is a gift of great magnitude. A life lived loving is a life well-lived. 

I don't know if you've lost someone dear or know someone who has; if so, I hope this perspective brings peace as it has for me.

Godspeed, my beautiful brother John.

Give an extra big hug to those you love today. Thank you for joining me. Until next time, take it easy.