The Secret to Feeling Good

055—Are you feeling off? Maybe you’re worried about someone, or a relationship is strained. Maybe you feel disappointed about something. It can feel like you’re stuck when you feel what you truly want depends on something or someone else—it’s out of your control. Why do we end up in situations like this? And even more, how do we get out of them so we can feel good again?

There is a secret to living in the full flow of our life, and it is accessible to all of us. Listen as Mary lets us in on what is likely going on and how you can get back to feeling good again because you CAN. 

Don’t miss this episode!

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To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To learn more about having Mary connect you directly to your own spiritual guidance, visit:
maryobana.com/private-reading

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

To contact Mary directly about Awakening Coaching or to  receive her newsletter, please email her at:
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To learn more about Mary's work with The Food Whisperers, please visit:
thefoodwhisperers.com

To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To learn more about having Mary connect you directly to your own spiritual guidance, visit:
maryobana.com/private-reading

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

Transcript

Mary Obana 0:05 

I'm Mary Obana. Welcome to Shine. I'm all about friendly, soul-nourishing, spiritually-inspired conversations that expand perspectives and offer practical guidance so you can live joyfully and shine brightly. 

I believe:

Everyone has something special within them, a unique gift—a light you are to find and share with the world. You are meant to shine. 

I believe:

You have a deep knowing; guidance that is ready to serve you. It is always available if you listen.

I believe:

You are meant to live with complete joy and peace—nothing less. It's just awaiting your allowing. 

Ready to get to it? Here we go!

Mary Obana 00:54

Hi there! Welcome. I'm so happy that you are here. 

I want to start by asking, is there anything that happens to be bugging you right now? Bugging you is a funny term, isn't it? It's so descriptive! It's when something is bothering you. Just like an unwelcomed, annoying bug, its presence is unavoidable. No matter what you do or how much you distract yourself, there it is, always there. You just can't seem to shake it.

Maybe it's a strained family relationship; maybe it’s something that recently happened to you; maybe you're worried about something or someone. And before we know it, we aren't sleeping well, our body can feel heavy, and our energy is not where we like it to be. Things seem out of sync, “off.” We don't feel like ourselves. 

These things have a way of casting a shadow on our mood, our outlook, our joy. And that bright light within us dims.

How do we end up in these places, stuck feeling a way we don't like feeling? And how do we get out of it?

This is what we are going to dive into today. I'm going to share the SECRET to feeling and living the way you want to feel.

Nothing feels better than when things are going smoothly, flowing beautifully, your family is good, your relationships are great, you feel connected. Life is humming! Feelings of frustration, doubt, worry, and fear aren't even in the picture. Instead, all you see is possibility; you are filled with gratitude and love. You feel energized, and you can sense how you are positively affecting others around you. Awwww! It’s nice, isn’t it!? 

But how do we get there? Or even get closer to being there because sometimes it can feel so far away.

When we feel "off," out of sync, not in our happy place, we often attribute it to something that has happened outside of us: an unwelcomed decision or circumstance, feeling judged by another, disappointed, guilty, feeling that we've somehow fallen short of some perceived expectation, or someone else has fallen short of ours. Maybe we feel misunderstood or angry. Overlooked. Underappreciated. Maybe we feel lost. These are unpleasant and uneasy feelings. And our mind swirls incessantly with it all. It can feel hard to snap out of it. 

But how can we snap out of it when it usually requires someone else changing, or someone else acknowledging, or a decision by others to be made, or an unwanted or undesirable situation to disappear -- to plain go away. We feel stuck when our happiness and well-being are at the mercy of something or someone else we have no control over. Have you ever thought, "If only, dot dot dot…" things would be better? When I have x amount of money, when I get that job, when my kid is settled, when so and so admits they were wrong…

We've all been in that place, at one time or another. And boy, does that leave us in a bind. All we can do is WAIT. Wait for someone else to change, a circumstance to shift, a favorable decision to be made. So that's what we do. We wait. And WHILE we wait, we feel yucky. Unsettled. Unhappy. Restless. It isn't pleasant. And it seems when we are in that mode, nothing seems to go our way. And that just plain stinks. 

What are we to do? What are we to know? 

What I've come to learn, whether through private readings or my work as an awakening coach, is that this is all about seeing. 

It's amazing how much the meaning we attach to what we see informs our experiences and affects how we feel. The way we feel is COMPLETELY based on the way we look at things. Our perspective shapes everything. And the way we look at things, believe it or not, is COMPLETELY within our control. 

What is it that you SEE? Whenever you don't like the way you feel – whenever things aren't sitting well with you, whenever you feel anxious, uncomfortable, unhappy, uncertain, aggravated… any of the hosts of feelings that you'd rather just didn't exist, know this:

You choose what you see. 

So you say, “What!? I am seeing what I am seeing, and it ain't pretty! I don't like what I see, but that's what it is. It's just the way it is. I can't pretend it's not happening!”

Well, of course. What you are "seeing" is informing what you are experiencing.

But, let me ask? What have you chosen to see? 

Though it may not feel or seem like it, there are always multiple ways to look at any circumstance. You've just chosen one way. And how you have decided to see it creates the reality you are experiencing.

It reminds me of that famous “vase or two faces image,” known as Rubin's vase. I'm sure you've seen it. Some people see the vase formed in the white foreground, and others see the two faces looking at one another created by the black background. Which is it? Both exist. But which do you see? Which have you CHOSEN to see?

When situations occur, how we experience them is all a function of our perception and how we process what we see—the meaning we put behind what we see.

Here's an example I think we can all relate to. You are driving down the road, and someone unexpectedly and abruptly swerves in your lane, and you slam on your brakes, just missing them. Then they speed off. What's your reaction? 

Maybe you are immediately incensed! You can't believe someone would do that. Who do they think they are cutting you off like that? "What an idiot!" you scream. You can feel your blood pressure rising; your face grows red as your anger escalates. And you want to catch up to them to flip them off. What. The. Heck!! Then you start playing out in your head all the things you would do or say if you had the chance to see the person who was driving that car. You can't stop thinking about it. You get to your destination, aggressively pulling into your parking space. You get out of your car to meet the person you are meeting, and the second you see them, you immediately rant about what just happened to you. "Can you believe it!?" you say. The nerve! Argh! Did that ever set you off!

There's so much meaning we can impose on that circumstance. And there's no denying the way it can make us feel. But imagine this.

How is it possible that the driver of the next car that the same person cut off responded entirely differently? Maybe they hit their brakes and thought, phew, that was close! Thank goodness I didn't hit him. That car is going somewhere in a hurry. I hope everything is ok with them! 

What if you assumed there was a reason for the erratic driving? What if they just got a call from the hospital that a loved one’s life was in danger? All they could think about was getting to the hospital in time. 

Same situation. Different perspective. Completely different experience.

Let's take another. Someone you love passed away. And no matter when you think of them, all you can feel is heartache and sadness. Maybe anger for them not being here anymore. Their mere thought fills you with sorrow and devastation, so you avoid anything that reminds you of them. And this goes on for years and years. 

Grief? Yes. Pain? Absolutely. Loss? Of course. But you have a choice. You can ultimately choose to find comfort in the warmth of their love, the memory of your favorite shared experiences, and gratitude for having them in your life, as short as it may have been. 

I am not saying it's easy, trust me. 

What I am saying is that we are always choosing. And our choices affect how we feel.

Here's what I know. And you've heard me say this: there's love in everything. 

Now you might be thinking, Uh, no, there isn't! When someone treats me or someone else poorly, that's not love. When someone cuts me off on the highway, that's not love. What the heck do you mean everything is love?

Believe it or not, we get to choose whether we SEE the love. When someone is acting unpleasantly, don't you think it’s possible there’s something going on that we aren't understanding? Are we giving them the benefit of the doubt? Can we find it within ourselves to witness that from a place of compassion and love? Would that change the way you see it? Would that change the way you feel about it? 

The alternative is to look at it from a place of judgment or anger, fear or hurt. 

How does that make you feel? Is that better? When we find the love within ourselves and look for the love in others, it has a way of shifting everything. Our energy is always felt. Do others feel disdain and judgment from us, or love and compassion? How does that change the course of events? 

And listen, I am not saying this is always easy. And I can imagine a bunch of circumstances when frankly, this may be nearly impossible, but, day to day, we have more control over how we feel than we recognize. 

I was at the post office the other day. I felt so badly for the fellow working there. There were only two people I could see working that day, and it was busy. You can tell he was exhausted. 

Both postal employees were retrieving packages for customers, so neither was at the counter when this person rushed into the line. 

I always marvel at how one person can instantly shift the energy in a room – in this case, it was a big downshift. Wow. You could feel her anxiousness quickly escalating to agitation; then, within moments, she was yelling to no one in particular, "Where the hell is everyone? Is anyone working today? Can't they see there are people out here? They are the worst!" 

You could just feel everyone else immediately getting smaller – it's as if everyone shrunk. I have to admit, my immediate reaction was to defend these overworked employees (who were being denigrated without them evening knowing it) and ask her to chill out! But then I thought, wow. Something must be going on with her. So I looked at her and said, 

"I know it can be frustrating, especially when you're in a hurry, but two people are working, helping us retrieve some packages right now. They'll be right back." 

Honestly, I think acknowledging HER state caught her by surprise. It's as if she snapped out of her tizzy. I could feel everyone in line taking a breath and the space filling again as the energy subtly elevated to a more pleasant place. I was really glad I didn't blurt out what I was at first going to say!

We can live our life feeling the love, or we can choose to see all that our mind tells us isn't love. Either way, we each get to choose what we see. And when we choose what we see, it affects how we FEEL.

Your mind processes things and makes you see things in certain ways, but it does not make it so. Or, not necessarily so. Of course, if that is what you choose to see, that is what IS for you, but know that you ARE choosing. All of us are choosing in every circumstance. That's the way it works. Choice. Free will. We have the ability to choose. You get to choose what you see, and love is always an option. It IS there. It IS all around you. It is WITHIN you. IT IS YOU.

Now you might think I'm full of malarkey – with my head in the clouds, oblivious to the realities of life. But let me ask you this. Do you love the way you feel? Can you say you are truly and utterly in the full flow of your life? Energized. Joyful. Filled with love. Surrounded by love. Vibrating high? If so, rock on, my friend! That is AWESOME!!! Keep doing whatever it is you are doing. More of that, please!

But, if you are not feeling in the full flow of your life, let me ask, do you want to stay there? 

I was on one of my walks yesterday as this idea that we get to choose what we see sank in. As I walked, I found myself looking at everything more closely, processing what I was seeing. I pass by tons of trees every day, paying little attention as I whiz by them, getting in my miles, but somehow on this day, I felt like I really SAW each of them one by one. It may sound weird, but it's almost as if I could feel them. Each of them so beautiful in its own unique way. This one that I've passed by countless times, but frankly never paid much attention to, has these gnarly branches without leaves. As I walked by it, it occurred to me that when you look at that tree from a certain angle, those gnarly branches form a heart! What!? I'd never noticed that before! Who knew!? So sweet! It made me smile!

Maybe that's a metaphor for life. We have things in our lives every day – people, things, nature, but how are we choosing to SEE each of them? Maybe we only see what's wrong with them, thinking how much better it would be if…. 

When we aren't feeling good, it's usually because we are seeing through our MIND. We are seeing everything relative to our expectations, what we think SHOULD be, what we'd like it to be, what would make it better. When we are in this mode, all we see is what ISN'T, and we miss seeing what IS. 

It's when your son's family visits, and all you can see is how it isn't going the way you want it to. It's when you walk into someone's house, and all you can see are all the things that would make it better.
 It's when you go grocery shopping and find yourself complaining about one thing or another.

When you use your mind to see, you compare what you see to what you think you WANT to see. And you miss the beauty of what is. I'm going to say that again. When you use your mind to see, you compare what you see to what you think you WANT to see. And you miss the beauty of what is. 

But when you allow yourself to see what is, you will always see the love because the love is always there to be seen. The purity of what it is, the beauty of what it is, the truth of what it is. But you get to decide what you see. You might think everyone else is deciding for you, but the truth is YOU are deciding. Everyone, every single one of us, always decides. WHAT. DO. YOU. SEE?

It sounds simple, but this is the secret! It's the secret to living a life that feels good. 

Love is all around us if we choose to see it. LOOKING for the good that is in everything and everyone, feels a lot better to me. And who doesn't want to feel better? 

I don't mean to minimize the reality of the pain and complexity that we can face in our lives. I'm simply suggesting that love is there to be seen if you allow yourself to see it. THIS is the secret to living and feeling how you want—how EVERYONE wants to feel. Everyone, no matter the circumstance, gets to see it. Love is always there. It is always there to be seen. See it so your heart can be filled with it. And you can feel the way you want to feel. You get to choose what you see. 

Try it. And notice if it changes the way you feel. And if it does, do more of it. Living a conscious life is a choice. Our experiences result from our choices, whether consciously or unconsciously – either way, they are ours to make. 

Back to what I asked at the top of this episode. Is there something that's bugging you? 

As the Greek philosopher Epictetus once said, "People are not disturbed by things, but by the view, they take of them."

We choose how we see things. And what we see affects how we feel. And for me, that's always good news because it means we are in control of how we feel. No one else. No waiting for a decision, someone to change, a title, a windfall of money. No waiting. How will you choose? What will you choose to see today? 

I hope you choose to see the love because it's everywhere. Because when you do, you feel better, and when you feel better, that light within you brightens. And nothing is better than that.

Can you think of one person that could benefit from this episode? Please share it with them, so they know the secret, too.

Thanks for joining me today. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate and review it. I would so appreciate it!

Until next time, take it easy.