A Fresh Start—3 Steps to Make the Most of It

059—Whether it’s a New Year, a new week, or a new chapter, you want to make the most of what’s in front of you. Mary packs this short but sweet episode with three clear and practical steps to succeed when you start something new. You won’t want to miss it!

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Transcript

Mary Obana 0:05 

I'm Mary Obana. Welcome to Shine. I’m all about friendly, soul-nourishing, spiritually-inspired conversations that expand perspectives and offer practical guidance so you can live joyfully and shine brightly. 

I believe:

Everyone has something special within them, a unique gift—a light you are to find and share with the world. You are meant to shine. 

I believe:

You have a deep knowing; guidance that is ready to serve you. It is always available if you listen.

I believe:

You are meant to live with complete joy and peace—nothing less. It’s just awaiting your allowing. 

Ready to get to it? Here we go!

Mary Obana 00:54

Hello there, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

There’s nothing like a fresh start, right? Whether it’s the beginning of a new year, a new week, or a new chapter, there’s something invigorating about starting anew. We feel energized and hopeful about what’s ahead.

But as we welcome a new beginning, we want to be sure we are making the most of what’s in front of us, so in this episode, I’m going to share three things you need to know so you can thrive when you are embarking on something new. Think of them as steps for success . Let’s jump right in!

The steps?

Reflection. Direction. Attraction.

Let’s start with the first: REFLECTION

We are all so eager, aren’t we!? We are good at putting our focus on what’s next. What many of us aren’t as good at is reflecting on where we’ve been. And there are various reasons for this. For starters, we tend to value action, and stopping to contemplate can feel like we are delaying progress – we want to get on with it already, right!? And even though we may know it’s important, devoting energy to action makes us feel better and more productive, even if it’s irrational! Have you been stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic and felt the impulse to get off the highway and take backroads even though you would be tacking additional miles onto your journey and take even longer to get to your destination? There’s something that feels better about moving and taking action rather than being helplessly stuck in traffic feeling like you’re going nowhere. Regardless of the outcome, it feels better doing it! 

Then there’s the other factor at play: our overactive mind and the work of that sneaky Ego – that voice in our head that tells us that we have to go go go! There’s no time to waste!

But here is why stopping to reflect is so important. We rarely reflect on what we’ve accomplished and recognize the growth we’ve realized. We have a voracious tendency to set the next goal, always moving that finish line out. Some time ago, I devoted two episodes to the Science of Well-Being. In Episode 31, I talked about Concrete Re-Experiencing. This is the idea that you go back to remind yourself of where you had been. It’s easy to lose your perspective when you are focused on where you want to go and where you want to be. It’s important to recognize and celebrate how far you’ve come, a documented success strategy for managing one’s well-being.

In the last episode, I interviewed Allison Dittmer. Allison had grown so much over the past year, but she didn’t realize it. It wasn’t until we reflected on what had transpired that she could see it for herself – how each step she had taken over the year made way for the next. Understanding and recognizing this and seeing how this truth plays out in your own life is powerful. It fills you with gratitude and enables you to move forward with greater understanding and clarity, paving the way for moving into the future more thoughtfully.

If you need some questions to get started, here are 5. Answer these for the relevant preceding period – for instance, if this is a new year, answer these questions in the context of the past year. If you are embarking on a new chapter (you’ve moved to a new town, you left a job or a relationship), answer these questions in the context of the chapter you just finished – the last place you lived, your last job, your last relationship and so forth. So here are some to get the wheels turning:

-       What was your favorite memory? Why? 

-       Describe something that you unexpectedly learned about yourself.

-       What was something you wish you would have done differently, and how would you like to do it next time?

-       What are you most proud of?

-       What are you most grateful for?

The process of reflection is essential to set the stage for anything new so you can meet wherever you are with insight and thoughtfulness.

So that’s Step 1. Reflection!

My husband Michael and I were watching the coverage of the ball dropping in Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Between the hosts and people interviewed, I couldn’t help but notice a clear and recurring theme in anticipation of the New Year: Good Riddance 2022. I looked up the technical definition of “Good Riddance.” The Oxford Dictionary defines the phrase as “relief at being free of a troublesome or unwanted person or thing.” Looking at a fresh start is an understandable phenomenon – motivation for change can be about creating distance from something we don’t like—a moving “away” from an unwanted or unhealthy circumstance, relationship, or job, for instance. And while there are plenty of reasons to move away from something, energetically I encourage you to think about what you want to move TOWARD. 

This is Step #2: Direction

When you are upon a new chapter of any kind, when considering a change or in the midst of one, check your motivation; in what DIRECTION are you moving? Is this about moving AWAY from something or TOWARD something? 

This is important for a couple of reasons. 

First, moving away from something alone is typically not enough. Here’s an example. Let’s say you have a job that isn’t working out. It’s irrationally demanding, and your boss is unsupportive. You come home every day emotionally drained and dread going to work in the morning. All you can think about is leaving. So you make the mental decision to make a change. It’s clear you want to get away from this job, and it appears for good reason, but using the experience to help you define what you DO want, what you have come to learn is important to you, is essential to landing yourself in a BETTER situation, not just a different one. Our experiences are happening FOR us, not TO us. We always want to extract the learning anytime we can, or we will be destined to face the lesson again. No, thank you, right!?

The second reason you want to move TOWARD something is we always want to frame our desires in the POSITIVE. Here’s why.

You’ve heard me talk before about the power of energy. Everything is energy, and everything vibrates based on the energy it holds, and like-vibration attracts like-vibration. If the dominant energy we hold is what we DISLIKE, we get more dislikes.

So ask yourself. When you think about what you desire, is it about getting away from something or HAVING what you wish? And don’t get me wrong, understanding what you don’t want is vitally important, but only as a path to helping you discover what it is you desire to HAVE. If you are in the clear “I know what I don’t want” place, that’s ok, but don’t stop there! KEEP GOING! How does this inform what you wish to have? 

So Step #2. Check the DIRECTION of your motivation and, if necessary, adjust it, so you are moving TOWARD something well-defined. If there is nothing to move toward, maybe it’s time to reconsider what you genuinely want to bring into your life.

And this brings us to the third and final step: ATTRACTION. 

When we start anew and work to attract something in our life, we want to be intentional about what we attract. 

It always comes back to energy. Building on what I just mentioned – everything is energy; everything vibrates based on the energy it holds and attracts like vibration.

When we want something, especially if we desperately want something, vibrationally, we hold the energy of wanting. So guess what happens? We get more wanting. The trick to attracting having what you want is to have the energy of having it. Let me say that again:

If you want to attract having what you want, you must have the energy of having it. 

Remember that Triangle Tool I introduced in Episode 42? This is the gist:

Because you’re going to attract what you give your attention to, the Triangle helps migrate your focus from a “lacking” energy (because you want something) to a “having” energy (because you have it). This is about converting negative energy to positive energy, shifting from low-vibrating to high-vibrating energy. The Triangle is just a tool to help you get there – an energy shifter.

So you want to draw a triangle with the point at the top. Then, at the bottom RIGHT corner, write down what you want. Articulate what it is you desire. There’s something powerful about putting pen to paper here. Sometimes we think we know, but there is power in writing it down. It focuses your energy and forces clarity – for you and the Universe.

At the bottom left corner, write down why you want this and how you and others will benefit from you having it. How will others be served by you having this?

Then, imagine magically, in an instant, what you desire is here. You now HAVE everything you wanted. At the top of that Triangle, write down how you FEEL now that you have it.

Most of us get stuck in that bottom right corner focusing on what we don’t have. And the truth is, you’re never going to attract what you want from there.

So what’s the purpose then of the bottom left corner?

Thinking about the WHY behind what you desire is a critical step—essential to this process. Focusing on how getting what you want will benefit and serve others breaks us free from those low-vibrating feelings of worry and insecurity, unworthiness, and even despair that are often beneath our feelings of lack, our feelings of wanting. When we think of how we can help others, we shift our focus away from that lower vibrating place of “not having” at the bottom right corner toward the positive benefits of fulfilling our desires. This brings in higher vibrating emotions – this happens when we think not just of ourselves but helping others. 

Reaching the top of your Triangle is where we want to get to. We want to sink into the feeling of having everything we want; not only does it feel awesome because it is a great place to be, but this is where you need to focus your attention and energy because when we hold that energy of having what you desire, we are going to attract HAVING IT! 

But what I love most about this exercise is that it guides us to understand what we truly desire. You’re likely to discover that it’s not the raise itself, but maybe it’s feeling valued, generous, and at peace. It’s not the bigger house for your family to gather in, but feeling loved and connected. 

 Let me share one of my favorite fables with you.

There is this God-fearing man. He has been loyal and faithful his entire life. He lived in a seaside town, and a storm was moving in. The police were making their way through the streets when they knocked on his door, letting him know that the tides were rising fast and everyone needed to evacuate. This man looked at the officer and said, “Nope. I’m not leaving. God will save me.”
 
 The tides rose quickly, and the streets were now filled with water. The man was out on his porch when he saw firefighters in front of his house now in a boat. They shouted to him, “Sir, you must come with us now. You must evacuate! It isn’t safe!” The man refused to leave, saying again, “No, I’m not leaving. God will save me.” 
 
 Now the tides were rising so fast the man was forced on his roof to stay above the water when a helicopter came with a ladder being lowered to him as they shouted, “Grab the ladder! We have to get out of here!” He looked up at the helicopter and shook his head, insisting, “No! I am not leaving. God will save me!”

Sure enough, the tides rose, the man perished, and he met God, saying, “What the heck!? I have been a loyal servant my entire life. Why didn’t you save me!?” To which God replied, “I tried! I sent the police, a boat, and a helicopter!”
 
 We can have something so specific in our minds of what we want – the form that it takes - that we can’t see when what we truly desire shows up. Understanding what is behind the “want” is essential to attracting what you truly desire because it opens you to recognizing when it comes. And sometimes, it helps you realize you have reasons right in front of you to feel the way you want.
 
 

It’s incredible how quickly things work in our favor when we shift away from that lower vibrating energy in the bottom right corner because everything you want is vibrating high: all the positive, all the love, all the optimism, feeling great, feeling gratitude. We’ve got to get ourselves to that high-vibration place if we want to attract the vibration of receiving it.  

So there you have it! 3 Steps to getting the most out of a fresh start.

1.     Reflection. Take the time to reflect on where you’ve been. Don’t skip this step!

2.     Direction. Check the direction of your motivation. Are you moving AWAY from something or TOWARD something? Make sure you have defined your goal and are moving toward what you desire, not just away. And finally:

3.     Attraction. Work with the principles of the Law of Attraction so you can use it to your advantage. If you want to attract having what you want, you must have the energy of having it. 

There’s something beautiful about starting anew. Now you can make sure that you THRIVE!

Thank you for joining me today. Here’s to recognizing how far you’ve come, moving toward that which serves you, and attracting into your life what it is you most desire. It’s all there FOR YOU!

If you know someone who can benefit from this episode, please share it with them – don’t wait. And thank you in advance for rating and reviewing this episode and podcast so others can benefit from it, too!

Until next time, take it easy!