Feeling Good—My Advice for the Younger Generation

061—Sometimes, we don’t feel the way we want. It can be something that’s going on at school or work, with friends or at home. There’s nothing worse than feeling off. Our energy is low, and it can feel like we’re stuck; like we can’t do much about it.

In this episode, Mary shares what she wishes she knew then: her advice for the younger generation—a proven method for feeling better. It’s straightforward, and you can do it yourself at any time. Feeling good is in your control. No waiting, no wondering. And it works. And the best thing is that feeling good in a moment can affect how you feel all the time.

Listen and share this episode with someone you think can benefit from it so they can feel good, too!

To learn more about Mary's work with The Food Whisperers, please visit:
thefoodwhisperers.com

To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To learn more about having Mary connect you directly to your own spiritual guidance, visit:
maryobana.com/private-reading

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

Transcript

I'm Mary Obana. Welcome to Shine. I’m all about friendly, soul-nourishing, spiritually-inspired conversations that expand perspectives and offer practical guidance so you can live joyfully and shine brightly. 

I believe:

Everyone has something special within them, a unique gift—a light you are to find and share with the world. You are here to shine. 

I believe:

You have a deep knowing; guidance that is ready to serve you. It is always available if you listen.

I believe:

You are here to live with complete joy and peace—nothing less. It’s just awaiting your allowing. 

Ready to get to it? Here we go!

Hello! 

Over the years, I have loved sharing what I have learned with others, whether through my coaching, speaking engagements, workshops, or this podcast.

I’ve witnessed beautiful improvements in well-being as people shift how they see their circumstances. We can all find ourselves feeling yucky, afraid, stressed out, anxious, and unhappy. A lot is going on around us. It makes sense, right? But here’s the news. There are ways WE can control our overall well-being and how we FEEL. Our experiences. It’s like understanding the secrets. 

Now I’m not a licensed therapist or a physician, so if you are struggling with a psychological or health issue, please seek professional support. But for the everyday challenges we face that can bring us down, there are ways to feel better. And who doesn’t want to feel good, right!?

In my work, I often hear people say to me:

“Everyone should know this stuff.”

“They should teach this in schools!”

“If I only knew these things when I was younger!”

Then I am asked if I would address our younger population – teens, college students, and those venturing into the world on their own for the first time. So, this episode is dedicated especially to them. There are so many things I want them to know, but I am going to start with ones that can have an immediate impact on their life. And truth be told – these are reminders for all of us. So here it goes!

Let me start with a question. 

How are you feeling about things right now? Are things good!? Oh, I hope so!! There’s nothing better than when things are just clicking; our outlook is positive, and life is good! No complaints. But what happens when things aren’t so great? Maybe something is weighing on you; maybe it’s something that recently happened to you, or maybe you're worried about something or someone. Maybe it’s something going on at school, work, or with a relationship. I mean, stuff happens, right?

When we are in a place where something is on our mind, it affects how we feel, and before we know it, we are in a funk -- we aren't sleeping well, our body can feel heavy, and our energy is not where we like it to be. Things seem out of sync, “off.” We don't feel like ourselves. 

How do we end up in these places, stuck feeling a way we don't like feeling? How do we get out of it? How do we spend more time feeling good?

Feeling how you want to feel is simpler than you might think.

When we feel off, out of sync, not in our happy place, we often attribute it to something that’s happened “to us” – an unwelcomed decision or circumstance, feeling misunderstood by another, feeling that we’ve somehow fallen short of some perceived expectation, or someone else has fallen short of ours. Maybe we feel unappreciated. Overlooked. Lost. These are unpleasant and uneasy feelings. And our minds can swirl incessantly with it all. It can feel hard to snap out of it, especially when it usually requires someone else changing, or someone else acknowledging, or a decision by others to be made, or an unwanted situation to disappear—to plain go away. 

We feel stuck when our happiness and well-being are at the mercy of something or someone else we have no control over. Have you ever thought, “If only ______, THEN things would be better.” When someone changes, when someone says yes, when I get into that school, when I get out of school, when I get that job, make x dollars, when so and so realizes they were wrong.

We’ve all been there at one time or another. And it stinks because when we are in this situation, it feels like all we can do is WAIT. Wait for someone else to change, a circumstance to shift, a favorable decision to be made. So that's what we do. We wait. And WHILE we wait, we feel eh. Unsettled. Unhappy. Restless. It isn't pleasant. And it seems when we are in that mode, nothing seems to go our way. It’s so frustrating.

I’ve got news for you. YOU control how you feel—no one else.

Now you might be saying, “No way. All these things are happening to me. I don’t have control over any of them. What are you talking about!?”

I’m going to let you in on a secret. When situations occur, how we experience and feel about them is entirely a function of our perception and how we process what we see—the meaning we put behind what we see. The lens you look through. How you SEE IT.

What, now?

You want to feel good every day, right? You CAN. And it’s a straightforward concept.

The thing that has the most significant impact on how we feel is OUR LENS -- the perspective we bring to any circumstance, how we see it!

YOUR LENS SHAPES YOUR LIFE.

You can have the same exact circumstance and look at it one way and feel good and look at it another way and feel bad. It’s that simple. Perspective alone can alter your experience. It can transform the way you FEEL.

So how do you do that exactly?

You can control how you feel by being deliberate about the perspective you bring to whatever you are facing. You can take an unwanted circumstance and feel better just by choosing how you look at it. I’m not saying you will never feel sad or disappointed, frustrated or angry. What I am saying is that you CAN feel better MORE OFTEN! 

The trick is being intentional about it – noticing when you don’t feel how you WANT. What’s the situation you are facing? How are you choosing to see it? What lens are you using? 

You see, your thoughts, how you see things drive how you feel. Our mind has the steering wheel. And our minds are BUSY.

Guess how many thoughts are swirling around in our minds daily? According to the National Science Foundation, the average person has upwards of 60,000 thoughts per DAY. Can you believe it!? That’s a LOT of thoughts! But what blew me away most? It’s estimated that 80% of those thoughts are negative, and 95% are repetitive. 

Apparently, our minds are really good at seeing the negative in a situation -- what’s wrong with what someone said or did, what’s wrong with the way we look, what’s wrong with our lives. When we see things this way, all we can see is how things are different from what we want them to be, how we are different. So, we feel separate from everyone else. More alone. And then we replay those negative thoughts in our minds—a lot. When we see things this way, it holds a lower negative energy within us. You know the way it feels -- slow, sludgy, and heavy. You are vibrating low and just want to stay in bed with your comforter over your head! 
 
 

Positive energy feels entirely different – it’s snappier, fast-moving, and light. You are vibrating high. You feel motivated and productive, and ideas come to you; the creativity flows. You are energized and engaged. You feel more connected—to yourself, to others, to everything- as if a force is working on your behalf. Because there always is. We feel best when we feel connected.

So how do we spend more time feeling this way? 

Imagine for a moment. What if most of our thoughts were positive? What if we just saw what is right, not wrong? What IS, not what isn’t? What we have in common, not what’s different. What if we just saw the bright side of every situation? How would that change the way we feel? 

There are always different ways to look at ANY situation. There is always a positive way and a negative way. And each has its effects, its fallout, too.

Let’s take some examples:

Situation: 

You’re in your dorm doing laundry. You head to the laundry room to get your clothes out of the dryer, and they are damp. 

Negative Lens: 

AAAARGH!! I hate these machines! They drive me crazy. Now I have to spend more time and money finishing my laundry. This pisses me off! Then you march off in a bad mood and grunt at your friend, who you pass on your way back to your room.

Positive Lens:

Well, I guess that’s better than frying my clothes! I have one of my favorite sweatshirts in there! You add more time, then head to your room. You pass your friend along the way, chat for a minute, and decide to meet later to grab something to eat.

One response has you stewing and angry; the other even feeling a bit grateful – and looking forward to getting together with a friend later.

Situation:

You learn you did not get into a school you applied to.

Negative Lens:

This sucks. See, I’m just not good enough. I’m not smart enough. That’s why this happened. I’m never going to amount to anything. You return to your homework, your mind spins, and you can’t concentrate. You are filled with shame, worry, and feelings of unworthiness.

Positive Lens:

Hmmm, that’s a bummer. Well, I guess this isn’t the place for me. This means there’s someplace else I am supposed to be! You return to your homework at first disappointed, but then you start to wonder which place it is. You can’t wait to find out!

Which one sounds better to you? Which one would make you feel better? Now you might be thinking, yeah, but that’s just fooling yourself. You’re just making stuff up.

Am I? 

They are all plausible responses to the circumstances. Which one is true? The one you CHOOSE to believe!

What perspective do you BRING to your circumstances? What LENS do you choose to see through? One of negativity or one of positivity?

YOUR LENS. YOUR LIFE.

You get to choose.

You still might be thinking, it sounds good, but life doesn’t work that way. It’s not that easy. Maybe not always – you’re right, some situations just stink. I get that, but I’ve got news for you. Your life is how you choose to SEE it.

Do you know someone who always seems cheery? Things always seem to go their way. They just seem to bounce breezily through things, no matter the circumstance. 

Do you know another who always seems to be complaining? Things are always hard for them. Nothing seems to go their way. Their outlook is always gloomy.

Why do you think that is? Good luck? Bad luck?  

It’s no coincidence. Your lens shapes your life and creates a vibration that reflects how you feel. You see, everything vibrates. Everything. Everything is energy, comprised of vibrating atoms and particles. Your phone, your chair, your clothes… they are composed of atoms, too, vibrating at a particular frequency. Their vibrational frequency is a function of how rapidly those atoms move within it. Everything is energy, and everything vibrates. Humans vibrate, too, but our vibration fluctuates based on how we feel. Feeling good? Our vibration goes up. Feeling sad? Our vibration goes down. 

Just like gravity, you throw something up; it will come down. It’s a Law – Newton’s Law of Universal Gravitation to be specific. The same is true for vibration. Everything vibrates. Everything. That’s the Law of Vibration. But here’s another law. The Law of Attraction. It’s a fundamental law of our universe, and this is the principle: like vibration attracts like vibration. What does this mean? It means whatever frequency you are vibrating at, you will attract back a similar vibration. You’ll get more of the same. And the law doesn’t distinguish whether you want it or not, whether it’s good or bad. It simply matches the vibration you put out. It matches how you FEEL.

So, that person you know that is always cheery for whom things always go their way. That’s not random. That is a result of the vibration the person emits. Positive high vibration attracts positive high-vibrating things. This is where good things happen – and keep happening. 

 That friend of yours who always seems to have bad luck. Guess what. When you focus on the negative and FEEL negative, you attract more negative. And negative is what you see.

So, if you want to attract good stuff into your life, you have to feel good. 

YOU control your life. There’s a saying, “If you continue to feel what you’ve always felt, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always gotten.”

This is why it’s so IMPORTANT to maintain a positive outlook. To look at things through a positive lens. To see the right, not the wrong. Because when we see the positive, it makes us feel good, and we attract more things to feel good about. It’s just the way it works, just like gravity. It just IS.

Your lens shapes your life.

Do you REALLY want to feel good? I mean, really. We can get used to feeling bad. To complaining. To see what’s wrong with any situation. But if we want to feel good, 

let’s make sure we see whatever is in front of us through a positive lens. You get to choose! 

And guess what? Our brains get good at what they do. 

Positive thoughts create channels in your brain, so the more you think that way, the more you’ll think that way, ultimately becoming a default if you do it enough. It’s like rewiring your brain to get good at seeing things to think positively about. When you do this, neuroplasticity – the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections, starts to work in your favor. 

You are always choosing the lens you see through, whether positive or negative. Some are unconscious; some are deliberate, but you are choosing just the same. And your choice directly impacts how you feel.

Your lens. Your life.

And if you think the impact of positive thinking is a bunch of nonsense or BS, it isn’t. The benefits of positive thinking are backed by science: neuroscience and psychology. For decades, researchers have devoted their lives to understanding the benefits of positive thinking on our health and well-being. Barbara Fredrickson, a professor of Psychology and Director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, has been investigating the effect of positive emotions for more than thirty years. Her research shows that people with a positive attitude overcome difficulties more quickly and are more resilient. A positive mindset is the breeding ground for creativity, visionary thinking, empathy, cooperation, and connection. When it comes to our health? Research from Johns Hopkins and the National Institutes of Health, amongst others, cite that positivity has been linked to increased life span, lower rates of depression, lower levels of distress and pain, greater resistance to illness, reduced risk of dementia and Alzheimer’s Disease, and reduced risk of death from cancer, stroke, and cardiovascular disease. The list goes on.

YOUR LENS. YOUR LIFE

How we feel is COMPLETELY based on how we look at things. Our perspective shapes everything. And the way we look at things is COMPLETELY within our control. 

What is it that you SEE? Whenever you don't like the way you feel – whenever things aren't sitting well with you, whenever you feel anxious, uncomfortable, unhappy, uncertain, aggravated… any of the hosts of feelings that you'd rather just didn't exist, ask yourself this:

What lens am I looking through?

And listen, while it is simple, it doesn’t mean it’s always easy. And I can imagine a bunch of circumstances when frankly, this may be nearly impossible, but, day to day, we have more control over how we feel than we recognize. 

We can live our life seeing the positive, feeling good, or choosing to see the negative -- all our mind tells us isn't good. Either way, we each get to choose what we see. And when we choose what we see, it affects how we FEEL.

And if deep down, you still aren’t buying this; maybe you are dismissing all of this as being purely theoretical or too simple? Let me ask you this: do you love how you feel? Can you say you are truly and utterly in the full flow of your life? Energized. Feeling good about the way you feel. Having fun, enjoying life, vibrating high? If so, rock on, my friend! That is AWESOME!!! Keep doing whatever it is you are doing. 

But, if you are not feeling in the full flow of your life, let me ask, do you want to stay there? Because you don’t have to. I don't mean to minimize the reality of the pain and complexity that we can face in our lives. I'm simply asking you to consider – might how you feel result from how you see things?

There’s one way to find out. Try it. Try looking at your situation from a positive lens. Notice if it changes the way you feel. And if it does, do more of it. Living a conscious life is a choice. Our experiences result from our choices, whether consciously or unconsciously – either way, they are ours to make. 

Back to what I asked you earlier… when you think about what’s going on in your life, are you feeling the way you want?

The Greek philosopher Epictetus once said,
 "People are not disturbed by things, but by the view, they take of them."

We choose how we see things. And what we see affects how we feel. And how we feel attracts more of the same. And for me, that's always good news because it means we control how we feel. No one else. No waiting for a decision, someone to change, a better job, a windfall of money. No waiting. How will you choose? What will you choose to see today? 

Your lens. Your life.

I hope you choose to see the good that’s right in front of you. I hope you look for what’s right, what is, not what isn’t; I hope you choose to see what we share with others, what we have in common, not what divides us. Because when you do, you feel better and more connected, and that light within you brightens. And nothing is better than that.

If you know someone who would benefit from this episode, please share it with them. And, at the very least, hang on to this language. A positive lens makes way for a joyful life. Your lens.  Your life.

Thank you for joining me today. Until next time, take it easy.