Gratitude Revisited: The Choice to See the Gift in All Things

069—This episode revisits the subject of gratitude. Originally released on Thanksgiving Day in 2021, Mary updates listeners on her perspective on gratitude and why it's so important to our health, relationships, and how we feel daily. She reminds us that gratitude is not just about appreciation; it's the choice to see the gift in all things. Carrying this perspective can change how you experience even the most unwanted circumstances, a message that can benefit us all year long.

To learn more about Mary's work with The Food Whisperers, please visit:
thefoodwhisperers.com

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maryobana.com

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Transcript

I'm Mary Obana. Welcome to Shine. I’m all about friendly, soul-nourishing, spiritually-inspired conversations that expand perspectives and offer practical guidance so you can live joyfully and shine brightly. 

I believe:

Everyone has something special within them, a unique gift—a light you are to find and share with the world. You are here to shine. 

I believe:

You have a deep knowing; guidance that is ready to serve you. It is always available if you listen.

I believe:

You are here to live with complete joy and peace—nothing less. It’s just awaiting your allowing. 

Ready to get to it? Here we go!

Well, hello there! Thank you so much for joining me—I’m truly grateful that you’re here. I hope this message finds you and your family well as we head into the holiday season.

It’s been a little while since my last episode. As some of you may remember, my husband Michael and I have been pouring our energy into The Food Whisperers. We’ve been amazed by how many people aren’t feeling their best, dealing with all sorts of frustrating and unwanted symptoms. Being able to help them pinpoint the specific foods and hidden ingredients causing those symptoms has been life-changing—because honestly, there’s nothing more frustrating than not knowing why you’re feeling the way you do. When you know, you regain control.

It’s incredible to think that all of this started with our own family’s struggles with food sensitivities, and it’s led us to help so many others along the way.

That brings me to the focus of today’s episode. Back in 2021, I shared an episode on Thanksgiving Day about the power of gratitude. I talked about how even the most difficult circumstances—whether it’s a disappointment, a loss, or a health struggle—can hold something to be grateful for. Who would’ve thought that the challenges Michael, our son Kai, and I faced with so many awful symptoms would ultimately lead us to find ANSWERS for ourselves and now, for others? It’s truly beautiful, and we’re beyond grateful for where this journey has taken us.

Gratitude is such a powerful force—it touches almost every area of our lives. But it’s more than just feeling thankful. It’s about choosing to see the gift in everything, even hardship. And that is a choice we can all make. That choice has the potential to improve your health, your relationships, and how you feel day-to-day.

I recently re-listened to that Thanksgiving episode, and its message still resonates deeply, so I wanted to share it with you again as we approach Thanksgiving. At the end of the episode, I’ve included some fun questions to think about—or even share—when you’re gathered around the table with family and friends.

So, here it is. No matter when you’re tuning in, I want to wish you a very Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you enjoy the episode.

I can’t think of a more fitting topic for this time of year than Gratitude. While I have certainly talked about gratitude in many episodes in one form or another, it’s hard to believe I have yet to devote an episode entirely to it.

It’s said that the first Thanksgiving celebration was in 1621 when the Plymouth colonists and the Wampanoag shared an autumn feast celebrating the harvest and recognizing the blessings of the past year. But I guess it wasn’t until 1863 (in the midst of the Civil War by the way) that President Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving as a national holiday. And it’s been a cherished part of our traditions here in the United States ever since.

Thanksgiving. Hands down my favorite of all holidays. Stopping to recognize the blessings of the past year and just being with the people I love. Oh, and the food. I do love the food!

But, giving thanks isn’t intended to be only a once-a-year thing. And with good reason.

Surprisingly, gratitude has many meanings, but the practical definition is the appreciation of what is valuable and meaningful to oneself, being in a general state of thankfulness or appreciation. 

Gratitude is densely packed with a significant number of benefits, affecting every part of our lives. Emotional, physical, social, professional, and personal. And, it’s been widely studied by scholars throughout the world and in virtually every esteemed institution: Stanford, Harvard, Yale, the NIH. The list goes on and on and on. Dr. Robert Emmons, a professor of psychology at the University of California Davis, is considered the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude given his extensive research and having authored over 200 publications on the subject.

Emmons claims that gratitude has two core components. First, it’s an affirmation of goodness. I really love this because gratitude is the recognition and acknowledgment that there are good things in the world. Gosh, if you listen to the news every day, it can be easy to forget. Second, it involves, actually even requires, a connectedness to things outside of ourselves, whether that’s a higher power, nature, or other people. It breaks the trap of egocentricity. Boy, I can devote a whole episode on why that’s important!

But he goes on to share why gratitude is good. 

Number 1: It allows us to savor the present.

This is so true. Gratitude helps us slow down. Instead of racing through our lives—our interactions with people, with nature, even objects—when we are appreciative, we immerse ourselves more fully into the present experience, whatever that might be. When we are grateful, we don’t take anything for granted. We savor.

Gratitude is about acknowledgment. It’s about giving attention. It doesn’t even require words. It’s the mere recognition, the appreciation, which creates a receptive state of consciousness. And when you focus on the good, you’re going to see more things that are good.

2.     Gratitude blocks toxic, negative emotions.

If you listened to my recent episode on FEAR, you now know that you cannot feel fear when you are feeling love because they are conflicting feelings. This is true for gratitude as well. Research from Emmons and his colleagues McCullough and Tsang found that people who have high levels of gratitude have low levels of resentment and envy. You cannot feel envy, resentment, or regret when you are feeling grateful. They are incompatible emotions, very different ways of relating to the world. Research by psychologist Alex Wood also found that gratitude can reduce the frequency and duration of episodes of depression, presumably for similar reasons. So if you find yourself feeling regretful, envious, resentful, sad, or discouraged, shift your attention to something for which you are grateful. I always think of my sweet, adorable, loving dog. Haha.

3.     Gratitude is strongly correlated with psychological benefits. 

Those that are grateful have been found to have higher levels of positive emotions, are more alert, alive, awake, experience more joy and pleasure, and have greater measured levels of optimism and happiness. One study found that those who kept a gratitude journal—just 5 minutes a day—had a 15% increase in optimism. And those that have a more optimistic disposition experience less personal disappointment and loneliness. 

Number 4. Grateful people are more stress-resistant

Many studies show that grateful people recover more quickly when faced with serious trauma, adversity, and suffering. Gratitude IS a perspective and when you see your life through this lens of appreciation and positivity, you experience it differently.

And we feel better, too. When we express or feel gratitude, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin, two hormones that make us feel lighter and happier. Who doesn’t want more of that!

5.     Gratitude has health benefits

Gratitude has been correlated with more robust immune systems, fewer reports of aches and pains, fewer doctor visits, lower blood pressure, exercising more, sleeping better, and being mentally healthier. That’s pretty cool.

6.     Grateful people have a greater sense of self-worth

This makes a lot of sense to me. If you look at others with appreciation, you avoid that comparison trap that has a way of reducing your self-esteem. Seeing the greatness in whatever you see includes seeing it within yourself. 

Yup, gratitude is a path to well-being.

Do you remember the two episodes I devoted to Well-Being? They were episodes 30 and 31. One of the things I shared was the correlation between gratitude and your sense of well-being. Emmons and McCullough did this famous study trying to understand this relationship. So they asked subjects to do one simple thing. They asked, write five things from the past week they were grateful for—big things or little things, it didn’t matter. When compared to a group that listed five hassles over the past week, and another that listed five things that simply happened, the group that made the gratitude list experienced some big benefits. They rated higher in terms of thinking their life as a whole was going better; they were more optimistic about how the upcoming week was going to go, and interestingly, those that were sick or had something bothering them physically, reported fewer symptoms when feeling grateful. This gratitude group also reported participating in a full hour more of exercise just for feeling grateful. And by the way, this was all after making this list just ONCE!

Gratitude has far-reaching effects on so many parts of our life.

There’s no question about it. Our lives are better with gratitude.

Now I’m no researcher, but this is the way I think about Gratitude:

Gratitude is the choice to see the gift in all things.

Gratitude is the choice to see the gift in all things. Gratitude, like everything in life, is a choice. Our perspectives shape our experiences. So when we look at things through the lens of gratitude, it changes everything. We see more for which to be grateful. Every experience, every thing, every one is a gift—something to appreciate, something to behold, something to love, something to learn. Even the most challenging of life circumstances have a gift within it if we look for it. Sometimes it isn’t immediately obvious, but it’s ALWAYS there. I promise.

When we live our lives choosing to see the gift in all things, we FEEL the gratitude. And when we feel gratitude, we enjoy all of its benefits.

Gratitude is one of the highest vibrating emotions. When our vibration is high, we attract other high vibrating things. And as you know, all the good things in life, everything we want, vibrates high. So when we are in a state of gratitude, we will attract more for which to be grateful.

Mary Obana 11:18

Yeah, gratitude is the choice to see the gift in all things.

I’m going to give you a list of things. It’s a little game! Can you find the gift within it for you?

Your shower.

The street you live on.

Your voice.

The way you get to the grocery store.

A book you recently read.

What you did last night.

Your body.

Your dinner plate.

The tree you pass every day.

The cashier you just saw.

Ok, now the ones that might require that you look a little deeper to find it. Where is the gift in these?

A job you didn’t get.

A job you didn’t like.

An argument you had. 

The flight you missed.

A loss.

As you know, I lost a dear friend this year. And while her passing was filled with sadness, I couldn’t help but feel immense gratitude for having her in my life, for having met her. For the joy she brought to everything. Shifting my attention to what was received rather than what had been lost really helped me.

I’ve seen how this shift is reflected in memorial services, too. There can be funerals where everyone wears black and mourns the loss with deep anguish and sadness. Or, there can be celebrations of the life that touched them, where people share the gifts that came from them. 

Gratitude comes in lots of shapes and sizes. It can be found in everything.

Thanksgiving is a gift in and of itself because it asks us to reflect. To stop and think about where you are and what’s transpired over this year. Sometimes we move so fast and are so focused on all we want to accomplish, we lose track of how far we’ve come. 

So let me ask:

In what way are you now more deeply connected? It can be to your spiritual practice. It can be to your community, to a loved one, to friends, to yourself. In what way are you now more deeply connected?

What’s something that you experienced over this year that was a blessing in disguise? Maybe it was something you didn’t wish for but turned out to be exactly what you needed. 

Name something you love doing today that you weren’t doing last year?

Name someone you love having in your life today that you didn’t use to know.

What do you know about yourself today that you didn’t know this time last year?

Think of something that you dreaded happening… and it didn’t.

Who has helped you be the person you are today. What would you thank them for?

What’s better about today than last year at this time?

What have you done that surprised even you this year?

As you gather with close friends or family at this time of year -- or any time of year for that matter, pick a question to ask everyone. Maybe it’s one of these. Maybe it’s one of your own. 

There’s always something for which to be grateful.

When my son was little, every night before he went to bed, we’d ask him to share his thank you for the day. When he was tired or didn’t want to put a lot of thought into it, he’d say, “For my comfy bed and the roof over my head.” That was his go-to. We giggled, but we were grateful that he said anything at all.  

 This summer, some 19 years later, Kai landed a 16-week culinary internship at a luxury resort near our home on Cape Cod. He wanted to explore whether his passion and gift for cooking was a direction he wanted to pursue. In a word, it was brutal. Long 12-14 hour days with all the challenges, frustrations, and pressure found in a four-star, six-restaurant kitchen. Kai came home exhausted and, at times, defeated. But I’ll never forget what he said to me one night. He said, “Mom, there are times where I wonder when this will be over. But I did this so I could learn. And I don’t want to forget what I’m learning. So I decided every night, regardless of how tired I am and how ridiculous of a day I had, I’m going to write down what I learned and one thing I’m grateful for. It will help me to keep my perspective in check.”

It made me think, hmmm… nightly thank you’s—what a beautiful idea.

It’s amazing what happens when you stop and think about all the things in your life to be grateful for: people, places, things, the way you’ve been made to feel, the laughter that you’ve experienced, big things, everyday things, the smallest of things, the grace and kindness of strangers. 

But the idea of looking for the gift when life throws us those days that are tough, that’s when gratitude might be most important. It helps us see things differently. Helps us shift our perspective. And our energy.

As you gather with others this season especially, one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and to those you love is the gift of gratitude. Nothing is more moving, more appreciated, more meaningful.

I am grateful for so much. For my beautiful family. For my friends, both old and new. For the ability to do work I love so much. I’m grateful for my voice. For my guidance. For all the love that surrounds me. For the love that surrounds all of us. And for all the lessons—the gifts that I have found in even the most challenging of circumstances.

Gratitude is a choice. The choice to see the gift in all things. 

Here’s to you and to seeing all of yours.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Until next time, take it easy.