Managing Stress, Worry & Anxiety

027—Do you have a lot on your mind right now? We all have times in our lives when we feel stressed, worried, or anxious. Why do we feel this way and how can we manage it?

In this episode, Mary helps us understand that we have more control than we think over the way we feel and provides encouragement, a fresh perspective, and practical tools so you can feel better.

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The Emotional Guidance Scale (Abraham Hicks)
1. Joy / Appreciation / Empowered / Freedom / Love
2. Passion
3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
4. Positive Expectation/Belief
5. Optimism
6. Hopefulness
7. Satisfaction – Contentment
8. Boredom
9. Pessimism
10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11. Overwhelmed
12. Disappointment
13. Doubt
14. Worry
15. Blame
16. Discouragement
17. Anger
18. Revenge
19. Hatred/Rage
20. Jealousy
21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

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To learn more about Mary's work with The Food Whisperers, please visit:
thefoodwhisperers.com

To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To learn more about having Mary connect you directly to your own spiritual guidance, visit:
maryobana.com/private-reading

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

Transcript

Mary Obana 0:05 

I'm Mary Obana. Welcome to Shine. I'm all about friendly, soul-nourishing, spiritually-inspired conversations that expand perspectives and offer practical guidance so you can live joyfully and shine brightly. 

I believe:

Your experiences are a result of the perspective you bring to your circumstances. If you expand your perspective, you can transform your life. 

I believe:

Everyone has something special within them, a unique gift—a light you are to find and share with the world. You are meant to shine. 

I believe:

You are meant to live with complete joy and peace—nothing less. It's just awaiting your allowing. 

Ready to get to it? Here we go!

Mary Obana 00:54
 

Hey there. I’m so glad you're here with me. 

Let me ask you a question. Do you have a lot on your mind right now? I'm not sure what's happening these days, but there seems to be a lot going on with just about everyone. Maybe it's concern about a family member or someone you love, confusion about your path, struggling with a decision, managing unexpected news, uncertainty about the future, or lamenting the past. It can be any number of things brought on by any number of situations but the result can be stress, worry, and even anxiety; sometimes it can be just a touch, and sometimes it can feel like a whole lot more.

Whether this is ringing true for you at this moment or not, we all have times in our lives when we feel stressed or worried or anxious. 

What are we to do when life throws unwanted things our way? This is what we are going to wade into today.

What I hope to provide is understanding but most of all, some relief, encouragement, a fresh perspective that may help you see your situation in a new light, and a tool you can use to help shift your energy, so you feel better. 

So first, what is stress, worry, and anxiety anyway? Are they the same, or are they different? 

Stress is a physiological response to an external event, such as a deadline or unexpected news. Stress can sometimes be helpful, triggering that quick surge of adrenaline and cortisol, giving you that extra focus to get that project done on time, or to help you avoid danger. The stress is gone once the temporary circumstance is resolved. Stress becomes an issue when it lingers. 

Worry? Do you know your mind and your mind alone creates worry? When worry persists, we dwell on negative thoughts, contemplating all the things that can go wrong – awfulizing, as I call it. And something that's crazy when you think about it: without your mind, worry would not exist. It's not based on reality. All those thoughts are not what actually "is." It’s something you’ve created! Wow, right?

What about anxiety? Anxiety is experienced both in our mind and body. So it's the combination of worry and stress, but with one big difference. Whereas stress is a response to an actual external event, anxiety feels the same, except the threat is imagined. It hasn't even happened. So anxiety is entirely a result of an active imagination that has locked onto the negative. 

Wow! We work ourselves into a tizzy!

Mary Obana 04:13

So what’s this all about? Why does this happen?

These lingering, often imagined feelings that do not serve you are often rooted in a perceived lack of control when you are faced with demanding or unexpected circumstances. All we want for ourselves and those we love is for all to be well, safe, joyful. When we think this may be threatened, our minds get busy, and the next thing we know, we are immersed in worry. 

The rational amongst us think, "I have to consider the possible outcomes so I can manage for them." And this can be productive if we move quickly through this stage. But, we can easily and often get stuck here, spending a lot of time and energy focused on all the things that can go wrong. It can start small, but if not managed, it can quickly build momentum, and before you know it, you aren't sleeping well, you have trouble focusing, you feel overwhelmed, maybe even short-tempered. You are living out of alignment. You aren't yourself. 

We need to stop that momentum in its tracks. We need to take control.

Yes, it’s true. We cannot control every circumstance. Things do and will happen. But we ARE in control of how we respond to our circumstances. 

Mary Obana 05:39

So here are some tools to call on when you feel the momentum of worry and anxiety and stress gaining steam.

The first thing is notice it! Getting in tune with when you are feeling off, stressed, anxious, worried… this alone is a powerful way to pause that momentum. Something is happening. Acknowledge. Observe. 

You shift your awareness to the observer, and you can ask yourself or see with objectivity what you are thinking. You remember that you are responsible for your own thoughts. You create your thoughts! And the way you think about things affects the way you feel about things. 

I always say, when people do this – notice what's happening - I am so proud of them! This single act is enormous! It's operating at an elevated level of consciousness. When you remember you are responsible for your own thoughts, you realize you are in control. Sometimes we can forget, and the next thing you know, we are finding ourselves worried or anxious. Now's the time to be more deliberate about your thoughts. 

Mary Obana 06:57

Every moment is a new moment with new options!

So, as you observe that thought – these are the things you can ask. 

Is it coming from something real or imagined? 

Is it something in the past that has already happened? Are you tying yourself up in knots replaying a decision you made or a conversation you had? Everything in our life HAS meaning; it's how we grow! But it’s over. Learn and let go. 

Is it something in the future that hasn't even happened? Are you focused on all the things that can go wrong? Breathe. Return to the present moment. You are worrying about something that has not happened. Stop the momentum.

Is the way you are feeling motivated by love or fear? If love, rest easy. It is all you can ever expect of yourself. Fear is sneaky because it can feel like love sometimes – when you are protective of a loved one, as an example. After all, you are doing it out of love, but when you look more closely, examine it more honestly, you realize the need to protect comes from fear. You fear what if. If it's fear, how would that feel different, be different if it genuinely came from a place of love? We can use this.

Mary Obana 08:32

ALL we can control is the here and now. All we can ever control is the present moment. When we focus on the future on all that can go wrong, when we awfulize, we are focusing on something we cannot control. It's a bit crazy when you get right down to it, thinking and worrying and feeling anxious about something that isn't even real. This is the work of a busy overactive mind, filling you with negative thoughts. For if you were feeling and seeing the positive, worry, anxiety, and lingering stress would not exist within your reality.

Mary Obana 09:10

Can you find something to be grateful for in THIS moment? Deliberate thinking. Shifting yourself back to the present. Anchoring yourself in this moment. Breathe. See what IS. Look for the good in this moment. Breathe in the good. YOU are alive. YOU are here. YOU are with breath. ALLOW yourself to sink into the moment that is now, the only moment that is. We sacrifice the now for a future or a past that is not in existence. Permit yourself to filter back IN the positive. When we are in this state, we tend to filter out the positive, focusing on the negative instead. Look for the positive in THIS MOMENT. Shift your energy. Be deliberate about your thoughts. You have control over every thought you have ever thought. Yes, YOUR thoughts create YOUR reality. And your thoughts affect the way you feel.  

Ok. Once you are back in this moment, then, and only then, you can use this moment to serve you. What is the next right action you can take out of LOVE? Check yourself. If you are plagued with fear, recognize that; observe that. Find your way back to appreciation. Find your way back to compassion. Find your way back to love.

We hope we can always find gratitude in any moment. There are times when it comes more easily than others. If you can, this is beautiful. You are shifting your energy and your vibration.

Mary Obana 11:10

Now, if this is too hard if you are too tied up in the emotion of where you are to jump genuinely to appreciation and gratitude, let me introduce you to the Emotional Guidance Scale, created by Abraham Hicks. The principle of this scale is that our thoughts and perceptions influence the way we feel. As humans, we can feel a whole range of emotions, but they are driven by how we think. And no one controls our thoughts; no one is responsible for the way we think but us. We can control the way we feel by managing the way we think. This tool guides us to deliberately think our way to feeling better. When we aren't deliberate about our thoughts, those negative feelings can build momentum and spin out of control, and before we know it, we are feeling even worse. We've all experienced that, right? This is the trap of that downward spiral. The downward spiral is a real thing. But so, too, is an upward spiral. And that’s what the Emotional Guidance Scale is all about.

So this is how it works.

The emotional guidance scale consists of 22 different emotions based on the unique vibration of the emotion. Everything seen or unseen has a vibrational frequency. Emotions have their own vibration. The lowest on this scale is number 22. This is where fear, grief, depression, despair, and powerlessness live—our lowest vibrating emotions. 

The highest on the scale is number 1. This is where joy, appreciation, empowerment, freedom, and love live—our highest vibrating emotions.

And in between are 20 other emotions, in order of where that emotion registers vibrationally.

I've included the Emotional Guidance Scale in the show notes so you can reference it there.

When we want to feel better, what we are to do is to find the closest representation of how we are feeling on that scale. Maybe it's a disappointment (#12), or worry (#14), or frustration (#10). Then we look for the very next better feeling emotion up the chart and work our way, one at a time, deliberately moving to the next, higher vibration emotion on the scale—allowing yourself to feel it. Then you move again.

Mary Obana 14:10

So let's work through an example.

Let's say you just learned you were passed up for a job that you applied for that you wanted and needed. It's not the first job you applied for either. You are feeling powerless and afraid. You have bills to pay and a family to support. You can feel yourself falling into despair. It's hard for you even to see what is around you with appreciation.

So, you look for the emotion on that scale that most closely matches the way you are feeling.

In this case, these emotions – fear, despair, powerlessness are Level 22 emotions.

Let's get you moving up this ladder. 

Level 21 emotion: Insecurity, guilt, unworthiness.

These emotions are higher vibrating than fear and powerlessness. So you look at that (insecurity, guilt, unworthiness), nod your head, and say, "Yeah, I get that. This is the third job that has turned me down. What is wrong with me!? I must not be good enough." And that's the way you feel, genuinely. 

Level 20 emotion: Jealousy

Now you say, "I can relate to that one, too. Why do all my friends have jobs? They never seem to have trouble finding work. They don't have to worry about being able to pay the bills. I don’t like to admit it, but I'm really jealous."

Also, you can see that this is a valid, genuine feeling.

Next. Level 19: Hatred/Rage

It's hard to believe this is higher on the vibration scale, but it is.

So you think, "I am furious at that company for not wanting me. Don't they see the value I can bring to them? Are they blind!?" And you feel that fury.

Ok… so something is happening here. Your emotion moved up in that process four levels. You went from despair and powerlessness to being furious that the company has overlooked the value they could have brought. Do you see how this is a higher vibration emotion? It has a more deserving feeling.

The scale continues to go up gradually through the lower vibration emotions blame, disappointment, impatience, ultimately reaching the higher vibration emotions, starting with contentment, hopefulness, optimism, enthusiasm, and so on. You can see how quickly you can genuinely move up the scale. And you realize that this thinking, guided by the levels of that scale, starts to shift the way you feel. You are building momentum by reaching for a better thought. One at a time, working toward higher vibration emotions in the direction of feeling better. As you move up the scale, the resistance will ease and release, and the path to allowing will crack open. 

You go as far as you can genuinely find the feeling, might hang out at one level for a bit, then you move up again. And by the way, you can enter this scale at any place. It doesn’t have to be a lower vibration place. You can enter at hopefulness and deliberately move up the remaining levels to reach the emotion of joy. 

The key is that you are in a better place than the one before—all of this a demonstration of the power and control you have over your emotions. You CAN control the way you think, and therefore can shift the way you FEEL.

So, if you have trouble genuinely feeling gratitude in your situation, feeling love, getting to that high vibration place on your own, the Emotional Guidance Scale can be a super helpful tool.

Mary Obana 18:56

Having shared all of this with you, I want to ask you a final question.  

What kind of friend are you?

If your best friend was experiencing something challenging – let’s say lingering stress, worry, or anxiety, I'm guessing you would listen very closely, giving your full attention as they shared the details. You would be patient and understanding. You would not judge. You would recognize their pain and suffering. You would be kind and compassionate. Loving. Comforting. You would search for the good in the situation – maybe it was how they handled something, their ability to share what they are truly feeling. And you would remind them that they are not alone. That they are human. 

So let me ask you, honestly, what kind of friend have you been to yourself?

We show far more compassion to others than we do to ourselves. No one is harder on us than us. We can get aggravated or frustrated with ourselves. Why am I doing this!? We can be overly critical and self-judge, replaying what we could have done differently. Please show yourself some self-compassion. Treat yourself with the love and kindness, understanding, and patience you so freely and generously offer others. You deserve it, too.

Whatever you are experiencing right now, whatever you are feeling, you have to know that you are not alone. And while sometimes it doesn't feel like it, know that you have more control over how you feel than you give yourself credit. You are incredibly special. And you are human. We all, every single one of us, find ourselves in situations where we need those friendly reminders to give us encouragement, a much-needed perspective, and support so we can feel better. 

If we can acknowledge and be aware of how we feel, if we can reconcile our fears and operate from a place of love, all will always be well. Let love be your guide.

Every single moment is a new moment with new options. You get to choose.

If you know someone who can benefit from this episode, please share it with them. 

I’m so glad you joined me today. I hope you are, too. 

Here’s to shining brightly. 

Until next time. Take it easy.