One Act of Kindness

045—When’s the last time you’ve had an encounter with a random act of kindness? Maybe you were the giver, perhaps the receiver, or perhaps an observer. No matter which one, it’s pretty nice, isn’t it!? 

Kindness is unique because it’s an ACT. It’s not a thought or an emotion. It requires action. And everyone involved benefits. 

This episode is about the extraordinary gift of kindness. Listen as Mary shares stories of kindness and introduces One Act of Kindness, as she challenges everyone to perform just one act to a complete stranger in the hopes it sets in motion a wave of human kindness.

----

For more about Josh Yandt, visit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIHtuKc3Gjg.

To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To learn more about having Mary connect you directly to your own spiritual guidance, visit:
maryobana.com/private-reading

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

To contact Mary directly or get added to receive her newsletter, please email her at:
mary@maryobana.com

Follow her:
Facebook @maryobana.shine
Instagram @obanamary
LinkedIn @maryobana
Clubhouse @maryobana

To learn more about Mary's work with The Food Whisperers, please visit:
thefoodwhisperers.com

To learn more about Mary Obana, visit her website:
maryobana.com

To learn more about having Mary connect you directly to your own spiritual guidance, visit:
maryobana.com/private-reading

For more information about Mary's book "Shine: A Simple Guide to Finding Your Light and Letting It Shine on the World", visit:
maryobana.com/amazon

Transcript

Mary Obana 0:05 

I'm Mary Obana. Welcome to Shine. I'm all about friendly, soul-nourishing, spiritually-inspired conversations that expand perspectives and offer practical guidance so you can live joyfully and shine brightly.  

I believe:
Everyone has something special within them, a unique gift—a light you are to find and share with the world. You are meant to shine. 

I believe:
You have a deep knowing; guidance that is ready to serve you. It is always available if you listen.

I believe:
You are meant to live with complete joy and peace—nothing less. It's just awaiting your allowing. 

Ready to get to it? Here we go!

Mary Obana 00:54 

Hey there! If you're listening to this episode on the day it’s dropped, Happy Holidays, everyone, and Happy Christmas Eve! If you're tuning in another time, Happy Day! I'm so glad you're here!

I dashed to a small local grocery store the other morning to pick up some fresh cider before sitting down with my family for breakfast. This store is literally 3 minutes down the road. I quickly grabbed what I needed only to find a checkout line that must have been 20 people long. "Yikes," I thought, imagining Michael and Kai waiting at the table for me as the temperature of the beautiful breakfast they had made was dropping by the moment! I waited patiently as the line crept along when this lovely older woman in front of me saw that I only had one item and said, "Please go ahead of me. Merry Christmas!" Now, she didn't have many things either, but what a sweet thing to do! As I accepted her gesture of kindness, it got me thinking about the spirit of Christmas, but also kindness in general. 

Christmas is a celebration, but it's not just about the gifts. This time of year can be encumbered by the pressure of finding the right present for the list of recipients on your list. Those leisurely strolls down the street window shopping, casually poking into one store then the next as carolers sing and snowflakes land gently on your cheeks and nose have been replaced with being stuck in traffic, fighting for parking spaces, racing into stores, waiting in lines, scrambling to find the right thing, or spending precious time on hold with understaffed and overworked customer service reps as they try to hunt down your lost orders. It can be stressful and more about cranking through your list rather than the festive experience that seems only to exist in Currier and Ives scenes. 

Christmas is about togetherness and thinking about others. And I guess that's what struck me about that beautiful act of kindness and that Merry Christmas wish. Togetherness isn't just about being with our immediate families and close friends; it's about our connection to something larger than ourselves, and not just this time of year but every time of year.

And kindness is the ultimate connector, isn't it? It connects one to another in a moment. These people don't need to be familiar with one another; they don't need permission; it comes without expectation or condition. It's giving your best self to others without anyone asking or expecting anything in return. Kindness isn't an emotion or something that lives in your mind. Kindness requires action. 

Kindness is also acknowledgment. Acts of kindness, especially those that are random and from complete strangers, are so special because they acknowledge another for being, not performed out of a sense of obligation or duty. And there are all sorts of flavors of kindness, but I especially like the random acts of kindness by and for complete strangers. They can be small things, but it's incredible how much they can elevate your energy and inspire you to pass it on. It's warm, sometimes playful, and just plain ol' fun… to receive and to give.

But also to observe! Have you ever witnessed an act of kindness, something that you didn't even have a part in, but it moved you? I was walking onto the beach late this summer toward the end of the day, and there was this older couple ahead of us. The older woman was unsteady on the sand, and while her elderly husband was trying to help her, it was a bit more than he could handle. Then, this young man was coming up off the beach at the same time. He noticed what was happening, then instantly dropped all of his things and gave her a piggyback ride down toward the water as her husband walked alongside beaming. She was like a little girl, so excited and appreciative. It was the sweetest thing—strangers connected by pure kindness. 

When you see kindness in action, it inspires you. After witnessing this sweet act of kindness, I found myself looking for opportunities to help others. I wondered how many other acts of kindness were born out of that moment that day. 

It turns out that warm, uplifting feeling we get when witnessing kindness it’s actually a thing! It’s called “moral elevation.” To recognize what's happening, our brain has to process it by drawing on our own past experiences with kindness – giving, receiving, and observing—so we live vicariously through this observed experience which is why we get so touched by it. And these positive emotions make us more likely to perform other acts of kindness. It motivates us. 

Imagine if each of us started our own chain reaction of kindness? What if we looked for an opportunity to do something kind, randomly, for someone. It can be as simple as letting someone move ahead of you in a line, or helping someone to the car with their groceries, or paying for a cup of coffee for the person behind you. It feels so good! And not only will that recipient experience something beautiful, but anyone who happens to witness it will get the benefit, too. And will be likely by the way, and more motivated to find an opportunity to do something kind for someone else. And so on, and so on and so on.

It reminds me of that movie Pay it Forward. Did you ever see it? It's the story of a social studies teacher who challenges her middle school students to think of an idea to make the world a better place. So this one student creates a plan to perform kind acts but asks people, instead of returning the favor, to pay it forward by helping someone else. And, it sets in motion this wave of human kindness. 

This idea has always struck a chord with me. Can you imagine a point in time when we could use it more? 

And like everything, when you start looking for acts of kindness, you start seeing more of them. Have you ever been in the market for a car when one model, in particular, has sparked your interest? Now you don't usually pay attention much to cars, but suddenly you start seeing them everywhere. One is parked next to you at the grocery store, you go to your friend's house for dinner, and their next-door neighbor has one, then you see three on your way home that day? This is called the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon, or frequency illusion or frequency bias. It's the phenomenon in which something you notice starts to appear everywhere. Now does this mean that suddenly everyone is now buying this car – meaning it was never there before? No, unlikely. It's just now you are noticing it. 

I'd like to think this might be the same with kindness. Maybe it's not so rare; maybe we just don't notice it as much. But why not LOOK for it? If we focus on the GOOD all around us, we will see more GOOD, and then we will all be inspired to do more good things ourselves for others. And then others will see our acts of kindness and be motivated to find opportunities to perform more of their own. And what’s wrong with that, right!?

It FEELS GOOD! That woman that offered me a place ahead of her in line that morning inspired me to do something as well. Well, for me I bought a gift card at check out that morning and gave it to the cashier to give back to that kind woman. Maybe it would have been more impactful if I had given it to someone else, but regardless, it felt great to do it. 

Kindness is also a way to turn things around. I was so moved by this story a few years back about this Canadian high school student, Josh Yandt. Josh was bullied in his school. His father had died, and he had these pictures of him in his locker. The kids made fun of him and tore the photos down. It was just one of the countless acts of cruelty that happened to Josh every single day. He wished he was invisible. So, his family decided to move into the city and change schools. They described it as "making the jump." As you can imagine, they were nervous about every bit of it. Would it be the same? Would it be worse? 

But Josh decided that he wanted things to be different this time. So, on his first day of school, he made the choice to show people who he really was—not to be invisible any longer. He wanted to make a change in his life by finding one act of kindness he could do again and again and again.

So, Josh got to school that first morning and opened doors. He held doors open, greeting students with a friendly hello as they arrived at school, then he did it again at lunch, then after school—day after day, every day. 

At first, kids thought he was strange; they called him the doorman. But as weeks went by, and he faithfully continued to open those doors greeting everyone who walked through them without fail, they soon realized this was a pure act of kindness. Josh explained that opening doors for others isn't just a physical act. It lets people know you care. It makes them feel comfortable and welcomed. 

And, this act of kindness started to initiate a change at that school. Josh was seen for who he truly was for the first time, but soon others were doing nice things for everyone else, too. Students shared how it made them want to be better. Everything and everyone changed when Josh came to that school. And he changed, too. 

He went from a bullied, unhappy student to someone who earned the love and affection of everyone. He was even voted prom king. Yup! One of the students shared that when Josh's name was announced as prom king,  everyone was so excited they were all screaming and jumping up and down as if each of them had won themselves. And, at graduation, they gave Josh a door, signed with messages of gratitude and appreciation by the entire school. 

Today, Josh Yandt is an inspirational speaker in Ontario, Canada. He believes acts of kindness are a reflection of who YOU are. He shares his experience and how a small act of kindness changed his life, and he now encourages people to find their own. 

So how about it? Here's my challenge. Find an opportunity to show an act of kindness to a stranger today, whatever that might be, whatever you are inspired to do. Just because. Maybe it's as simple as opening a door for someone or telling them you appreciate what they do or complimenting someone when you observe them doing something kind for someone else. And if it feels good, maybe you can do it again tomorrow. Imagine a world if everyone looked for an opportunity to share just ONE ACT of kindness every day. Can you imagine! What a wonderful world that would be…

Regardless of when you are listening to this, whether you are looking for a resolution different from losing weight or eating better or drinking less, or simply wanting to spread good in the world, consider joining me for something I call One Act of Kindness. Starting today, I will deliberately seek the opportunity to demonstrate ONE ACT OF KINDNESS to a stranger. I'm going to see how many consecutive days I can string together. But honestly, even if you pick one day to deliberately do something kind for another, what a beautiful thing that will be! 

We never know the impact one act can have on another at any moment. One moment can change a day, one day can change a life, and one life can change the world. 

The Dalai Lama once said, "Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible."

Amen to that. 

Here's to shining and to your beautiful acts of kindness. Until next time, take it easy.